How are you coping today?

[vickyp]

Today was the worst pain I've felt since going nc. I don't if it's because I miss my dad or that my mom was leaving for holidays but I felt so alone and this pain on my inside was unbearable. I was crying all day, wondering how he could leave after 3 yrs without even a goodbye. Embarrassed to say even by text. That's the respect I got. The pain went away for abit by keeping busy and hanging out with my family. But I'm alone now again. Feeling sad and empty. I hate you for what you did, and I hope you call me because I will answer. Not to ask for you back, not to say how I miss you but to tell you that I hate you, and regret giving you my heart and soul, then hang up. One day were gonna meet up and your going to see me happy with someone else, and when you do I'm gonna go up to you and say you may of broken my heart along time ago, but in the end I won.

[Stuck2532]

I feel good today. Booking a holiday to Italy in October with a girlfriend, so that's made me happy and has given me something to focus on.

 

I still miss him though. Why did he have to kiss me after breaking up with me? Why did he say "I don't know if I'll regret this or not?"

 

It leaves hope to fester in my brain. I think it would be less painful if he'd said "There's 100% chance we'll never get back together."

 

 

Hi, LittleWolf. I'm glad to see you've started to move on and do things for yourself. That Italy holiday sounds fun, relaxing, and delicious !

 

I think sometimes the other person will do things post break-up without realizing what it could do to us. If he hasn't contacted you about your sick pet then he probably does not care, so it seems to me that this kiss was something he did for himself, to maybe see how it made him feel, regardless of its effect on you. He had to know you would be having a hard time with the breakup, so the kiss might have been a "last" of sorts. Maybe if you look at it like that (the way he is probably looking at it) it will help you in moving on.

 

I'm still thinking of texting my former AP after she texted me 3 weeks ago or so. What's funny is that, although I'm thinking of her daily, the thoughts of her reaching out to me make me sick. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see her name pop-up on my phone. It's the strangest thing because although I want to see her and talk to her, and I miss our chemistry SO much, I also feel like nothing good will come out of it. It makes me chuckle because when the A was still ongoing I always felt conflicted between wanting to be with her and staying in my M. I ended up choosing the M. Now, those same conflicting feelings pop up, but they are a conflict between me wanting to re-connect with her, and me knowing that it's a lost cause and I SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO THERE. I know I made the right decision. My problem now is learning to live with that decision and learning to forget everything that reminds me of her.

 

Our brains and our hearts do not always speak the same language, do they?

[DarrenB]

You know what’s really tough? Loving people for who they are. Not for who we want them to be. Not for who we think they can be. But loving them exactly as they are today. It’s tough, because we have our own expectations by which we measure others. We focus so much on whether the other person is meeting our standards that we forget to love them for being uniquely flawed and evolving, just like ourselves –- perhaps at a different pace, in a different place. But when we actually succeed, when we love someone for who they are, we see how quickly they begin to transform into the greatest, most inspired version of themselves. You see, the truth is that we don’t know a thing about the silent battles fought by those we admire; battles that are perhaps compensated for by their very bravado we respect. We do not see the pain hidden behind their smile. We do not see the suffering and loss they have endured. But more importantly, we do not know what wisdom is hidden in the hearts of those who go unnoticed. Recognizing this humanizes our role models, flattens our egos, and gives us reason to treat every person with compassion and kindness. The most broken people have taught me more about life than some teachers ever could. They’ve taught me hope. Now, one of my favorite things to do is give that hope to others.

 

To understand their fears, and assure them that their dreams are much more powerful than their demons. To dissolve their insecurities and remind them that they don’t have to have it all figured out in order to move forward. These are my favorite things, not because I have more to share than anyone else, but because it is so often that I, myself, need to hear the words I speak. By offering hope to others, I develop hope for myself. See, the reality is that no matter how insightful someone may seem, they are equally clueless. Enlightenment begins here, with the sobering reminder that there are no masters in life… only helpers.

 

Be a helper. Inspire someone. Empower their soul. Awakening to this journey is the treasure. It is the only treasure. Because cemeteries are not just where we bury those who have passed, but also where we entomb the treasures of our future. Think, for a moment, of all the untapped wisdom and love. Think of all the books that will never be written, hugs that will never be given, and dreams that will never come to light. In this light, the cemetery is the most valuable place on Earth — for it is here where our regrets come to rest. Think of this when that voice in your head says you’re not good enough, or convinces you to start tomorrow instead of today. Think of this when you’re holding a grudge. Think of how fortunate you are to have another day to share your gifts with the world. If for no other reason, think of this — be humbled by this — before you do the things you wish. I assure you, if you think as often as you should, you’ll never postpone another day.

 

-

[fieldoflavender]

I'm slowly finishing the detaching process for good in the next 1-2 weeks. Yes it still does hurt a bit, but much much less than initially. I didn't want it to end this way - so nasty, but maybe it's the only way. So this is it. I'm getting rid of all his gifts and all his personal belongings I'm hoping even by this week. And then I can definitely move on now.

 

I hate the hurt it still causes me, but one day it won't hurt as much. Or maybe there will still always be a level of awkwardness and hurt and a "wtf was I doing that entire year". But beats feeling "wtf was I doing fro this many year(s)".

 

And I'm glad I got out of that relationship. At the time as dumpee, couldn't see it, but now it's the best thing to have happened (would have been better had it not gone that far) but I'm glad it's over.

[Little-Wolf]

 

I hate the hurt it still causes me, but one day it won't hurt as much. Or maybe there will still always be a level of awkwardness and hurt and a "wtf was I doing that entire year". But beats feeling "wtf was I doing fro this many year(s)".

 

I get told this every time I mention my ex-boyfriend's name. "At least he's done it now and not a few years down the line."

 

It makes sense, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Especially as I personally thought he was it for me.

 

Keep going! You're doing so well. <3

[Amas5750]

This morning just lying here paining. Mornings are the worst 4 me.

 

Really cant see a future for myself. Dumbfounded as to how it works out 4 almost all ppl seemingly except me. I kmow thats bitter.

Ive been abandoned multiple times by men (not my dad).

 

I really really trusted my partner n he detached over months.

 

I have the day off work today.

 

Sometimes i got some strength n sometimes, like now, theres rumination n pain.

 

I know it will be better once i get a coffee n leave the house

[Amas5750]

So desperately unhappy. So painful that it didnt work out. Im trying to get out of bed this morning but its hard

[Little-Wolf]

 

Really cant see a future for myself. Dumbfounded as to how it works out 4 almost all ppl seemingly except me. I kmow thats bitter.

Ive been abandoned multiple times by men (not my dad).

 

I'm the same.

 

I have an incredible relationship with my dad. He's the kindest, strongest, most amazing man I've ever met. My hero. I always strive to be with men like him, but they always end up leaving me.

 

I've never broken anyone's heart. I've never dumped anyone. It is ALWAYS me that has my heart broken. Even girls/guys whom I know and am friends with who have severe daddy issues seem to find love.

 

I hope you got out of bed today. Little tasks can make you feel good! Have a shower, make a nice breakfast or dinner from scratch, even just doing some chores will make you feel like you have some sort of control.

 

I know how you feel though. Today has been such a bad day for me also. I have mountains of work today and I've ignored almost all of it. I'm just lingering around in my scruffy clothes not giving a sh*t about anyone or anything.

 

I did manage to put on some makeup today, and add about 400 words to a massive university project. Little things I suppose.

 

Keep your head up. x

[Late Nights]

It has been 11 months since my break up and even tho im not completely over her i do find that the pain is slowly lifting up. This breakup has changed my life and did a complete 180. I had sex with her 3 weeks ago 2 times and everytime we did have sex i would get in my feels. I don't feel that hard pain anymore but its still painful. I know that if i never had sex or had contact with her i think i would be healing alot faster. To everyone out there i know the pain you are going thru because i went thru that hell too. Trust me over time it will bet better. Any questions let me know! Stay positive!

[fieldoflavender]

I gave away all his presents to me and all the things we shared today. It's slowly all going away. I hate to admit it - but it did hurt. I didn't want to end this way. I didn't want to end it not even remembering anything good about him. But that's what he wanted me to do based on his actions after the break-up and that's all there is to it. I missed my chance to tell him this - and so I will type this here. I deleted everything electronically and physical associated with him. And soon, the mental memories will go too. It's all process but it will soon be over.

 

I just want to say that - "money doesn't buy everything - it certainly doesn't buy respect, nor does it buy happiness and security" and it certainly does not buy love. One of the most rewarding things after this break-up is feeling so good when I earn my own money - I've never felt so proud in my life. I'm still paying off debt but I'm very very proud to do it on my own without relying on other people. In fact, if anything, it has taught me to be more independent than ever.

 

I don't know if I will find love again - I am a bit more jaded than before, but I have not completely lost hope. I know I am just much better off the way I am now than with him. I made mistakes too, but I do deserve better than what I subjected myself to. And I'm glad I got out.

[mike.c]

Yesterday I looked for the last time at our pictures and videos from when we were together and then put them away and out of sight. I cried for a long time. I will never forgive myself, nor will I find a girl like this. Knowing she is with someone else because I quit on her makes me want to kill myself. There is no solace in thinking that she wasn't the one or that I will find someone better. I won't. She was the one. I waited 25 years for a girl like that and I ruined it.

 

Right now at work that I hate. Don't know how long I can last.

[Amas5750]

I'm the same.

 

I have an incredible relationship with my dad. He's the kindest, strongest, most amazing man I've ever met. My hero.

I hope you got out of bed today. Little tasks can make you feel good! Have a shower, make a nice breakfast or dinner from scratch, even just doing some chores will make you feel like you have some sort of control.

 

Really appreciate that you took time to reply

.

This afternoon i went to a cafe and read the paper. Made me feel more in control n even keeled.

I enjoyed taking a mini break from crying to focus on the paper. It was so good

[Little-Wolf]

Really appreciate that you took time to reply

.

This afternoon i went to a cafe and read the paper. Made me feel more in control n even keeled.

I enjoyed taking a mini break from crying to focus on the paper. It was so good

 

You are so welcome, Amas.

 

I'm glad you managed to get out of the house, I feel sometimes like it's a prison. But a comfortable prison, if that makes sense? No one has to see me. I don't have to step out into the real world.

 

Did you get anything nice from the cafe? I'm currently trying to lose weight for a charity skydive, but I don't mind going for a treat every now and then. It's important to treat ourselves.

 

Today I got some gorgeous new clothes from an online website and treated myself to some new makeup. I feel like a new woman. While spending money shouldn't be the answer, this was desperatley needed and I actually can't wait to go out tomorrow. I will make a complete effort in my appearance for the first time in almost a month lol.

 

Keep strong! You're doing so well!

[trustyourself]

Well the truth came out yesterday.

 

3 weeks ago she came back into my life and asked to give it another go. (Previous relationship was about 18 months)

 

The first week went great (or so I thought) and then she went on a trip to visit her sister out of state.

 

Unknown to me, her family was very anti the idea of us getting back together do to the previous drama.

 

And then she met someone else while on this trip. I noticed the pull away half way through her trip. Her texting decreased and became somewhat detached.

 

We met up the Friday she got back, and we went to dinner. Everything was off, and she was distant. I got frustrated, because I knew something had happened.

 

She spent the night, left real early, saying she wasnt sure we were ok. Ghosted me for 2 days, then last monday texted me telling me her family was anti us, and did not want to go against them or lie to them. She felt she was to quick to think we could fix our relationship, and that she met someone on the trip who made her feel good about herself. She told me nothing happened, and that they were just friendly.

 

I said goodbye, and apart from saying my piece, I accepted that she did not want to make it work. She really played it off as her parents being the main reason we could not make it work. She asked if we could be friends. I said no. She immediately unfriended me on social media.

 

Yesterday a picture of her popped up on my feed. It was of her and this guy, and it popped up because some mutual friends commented on it. (Damn you FB!!)

 

Im gutted. How can she be so manipulative? Ask for me back, and then ten days later meet someone and break it off again? Selfish.

 

Whats even funnier is before she started distancing herself, she told me that if some guy tried to talk to her, she would tell them sorry, I have a boyfriend.

 

Unbelievable. How can someone be so two faced?

 

I am beyond heartbroken that she did this to me.

[Amas5750]

Yesterday and today I got my first episides of Anger.

 

Im SO angry at the situation & for the first time (5 weeks post break up) im angry at him.

 

Im angry that im shattered post relationship and he doesnt look to be grieving!

He states he's 'compartmentalised it' so doesnt ruminate at work nor be shattered.

 

Im angry that this has affected me (mourning) more tgan him. Im angry that he promised me the WORLD and things looked good and now Poof!! Gone!!

[Little-Wolf]

I am having an angry day as well.

 

Tomorrow will mark 30 days of NC.

I honestly thought you'd have called by now... Or texted... Or something.

Do you really not care at all? All those years, for you to turn your back on me without a second glance?

 

Some days have flown by, other times it has felt like the clock never moved.

 

I get flashbacks of our last argument. How you threw my bag outside. How you got in my face and called me stupid and a b*tch and lazy. How you grabbed the breakfast I had got up at 7AM on my morning off to make you, on the floor like it was nothing.

 

Two weeks went by and you hardly said a word to me. I was having kittens, clinging on and terrified you'd leave me. Telling you every pretty word and promise I could think of. Then I tried to give you space. Baby, believe me, I tried. I backed off for days at a time which was absolute torture. Of course, that didn't work, and when you broke up with me, you never stopped saying how sorry you were. You said you could see the fear in my eyes that morning, and it's true. I was scared. I hate what the drugs have done to you. I believe you're so much better than that, but you don't see it.

 

I'm angry that once again you've left me the one heartbroken. I'm angry that EVERYONE said you weren't good enough for me and I fought your corner every time. I defended you every time. I loved you, unconditionally.

 

You said you loved waking up next to me, and you could have, every morning for the rest of your life. But instead of seeking help and getting through this together, you took the easy way out. You said you just wanted to be single, that you couldn't deal with the arguments, that you loved me but couldn't "definitively say you loved me." Whatever the f*ck that means. Those words have a vice grip around my heart and whenever I imagine you saying them, it hurts like holy hell, because I loved you so much. I did everything for you. I bought you tobacco when you were hurting even though you promised you'd give up smoking time and time again because it was always effecting my asthma, and I treated you like a King. Paying for meals out, staying with you for nearly 5 days when you were sick, buying you the most thoughtful and beautiful presents I could because your sh*tty family got you some crappy vouchers for your birthday. You acted like you didn't care, but I know it hurt you so bad. I took you in my arms that day and vowed you'd never have another crap birthday. I have your gifts I'd already got for you still in my room. I had been buying little things in preperation even though your birthday isn't till December. I wanted to be organised, because I didn't for one minute think we wouldn't be together. We'd already talked about our future children's first names and decided on the ones we wanted. I believed in that. I believed in you.

 

And for what? To be left heartbroken AGAIN.

 

I hate you right now. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

 

I'm going through so much... Too much... My mother is a depressed alcoholic, my father is working himself to the bone to keep a roof over our heads and I'm so far behind with uni work that I don't even know where to start. My friend cuts herself and sends me photos of it expecting a magic cure and my other friend doesn't care about me or my problems, her world revolves around boys and how much attention they can pay her and I feel like I'm far too old to be dealing with that. I really do feel like I have no one. I am truly alone in this massive world, lost in a sea of people with so many issues. I am looked upon to be this angel that helps everyone because of my kind nature and my inability to say no and my inabilty to walk away from people who have hurt me again and again, because I'd rather have a couple terrible friends than truly be on my own. Sad, right?

 

You were my happy place, my best friend... And you took that away from me all over again. As if the first time wasn't hard enough. I hate you for that. I really really hate you.

 

...

 

But I still love you, I love you.

I'm terrified I always will.

Edited July 19, 2017 by Little-Wolf

[vickyp]

Sunday night, i balled my eyes out while i was pretending to write a letter my dumper. Today being thursday, i have to say i feel so much better. I have been NC for 7 or 8 weeks, and yes its been hard. Very hard. But i am no longer missing him, no longer wondering when hes going to call,and no longer blaming myself. I am at the stage of being mad at myself. Im mad at myself, for ignoring the red flags. Im mad at myself for allowing him to call me a loser, cu**, and whor* and not walking away. Im also at the point of realizing, that everything happens for a reason, and that i deserve someone better. Someone who is going to be there thick and thin, and be my rock. I know i have flaws, but at the end of the day, i know these are little things to work on. I also think, if my dumper thinks life is better without me, or even if he is with someone else, im fine with that. I know he wasn't right for me. I see alot of people who take back the dumper. so i asked myself the same question, if i would. The answer is no. Why? like people say on here, history will repeat itself. Maybe not right away, but without professional help it will go back to same old thing. I will say, i found it the hardest to break my pattern from him. Calling me on my lunch, breaks, etc etc. That was hard for me. Anyone reading this, NC is the way to go. Sure it took me some time, but after reading and listening to advice on here, it was the best thing for me. If my dumper really wanted to be with me, they would stop at nothing to be with me. This is what i keep telling myself. To everyone on LS, thank you for the advice, thank you for replying, and thank you for giving good solid advice.

[Jsos91]

I would say I'm coping okay... I'm not great but I'm also not wallowing in sorrow. We've been NC for a couple weeks and the last time we actually talked about something other than item exchanges was well over a month ago. I'm starting realize I'm not missing her as much as I'm missing being in a relationship. I know I'll find someone else who I get just as close with and who I love, maybe not the same way, but just as deeply. Right now I'm well aware of the fact that I'm simply not in a place to commit to someone and I need time to keep healing before I can give my heart again. I go back and forth in the phases of grief, lately I've been stuck a lot in acceptance, anger and depression. I will say I'm growing pretty tired of this roller coaster ride of emotion but I'll get off of it someday. I just need to be patient with myself and realize that when I love, I love deeply and that just means it's more of a process to get over someone. I've been caring less about what she's thinking or doing at the moment because it simply doesn't matter anymore, it's not my business and my life isn't hers.

[fieldoflavender]

I think I've been more mad at myself for the past week. In the past, I had hope that some of his actions were fueled by irrationality post breakup but now I realize they were intentional. And that is very hurtful. And it makes me realize all the things he told me during the relationship were essentially lies in one form or the other. And those of us who have been through hardship where someone promises you the world and never lives up to it - are more accepting of reality.

 

I just wish I was smarter and could have seen through it earlier. I wish I could have recognized not to give up my own happiness for superficial things like finally being in a relationship. But life teaches you - and life experiences, despite how bad, teaches you what really are the important things in your life.

[Amas5750]

Im feeling angry and lonely.

 

I feel like others have rich n full n lous n busy lives... whereas i come home to a lonely house and just watch the news for 'something to do'. Im feeling very sorry for myself and FURY that he left the relationship and now my life is sooo lonely.

 

I dont feel lonely at work cos i can connect with my patients n colleagues.

 

I feel like the bottom fell out of my life and im in so much pain, anger and confusion.

 

I raged at him yesterday. He was so shocked and told me to "get a grip". I just angrily told him that he has no idea the amt of pain he has caused.

 

He seems fine. No emotion.

 

Whereas im feeling everythingggg

[vickyp]

May I ask, why you haven't gone nc ?

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I'm not doing so good today. I did a bad thing and checked to see if he was on match.com looking yet and there he was. Sent me off the deep end for 2 days.

 

I was a fool should not even have gone there.

[fieldoflavender]

Try not to think of them and what they are doing, who they are doing, etc. I know he will have an easier time finding someone - he's rich, and he's a guy, and he has a good job. That alone will get him women left right and centre. The type of woman he wants? Not my business anymore.

 

I am willing to wait - for the right guy. No more of that again. Waiting for the right guy is worth it.

[Amas5750]

@ vickyp

 

We still kive together for another week.

Plus i still love him. Wonder if low contact would work (no kids)

[Amas5750]

May I ask, why you haven't gone nc ?

 

We still live together for another week