Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 None of us are as strong as we like to be no matter how we rationalise it. I guess for me it was putting those things aside that connected me with her. It does lessen over time. If you read read my original thread you wont believe how far i have i come. I was a shambolic disgrace to myself. Keep posting it does help and smile today. Keep pushing on friend. Haydn. I've gotten rid of it, I just sometimes break and look him up. I guess I'm not as strong as I'd like to be! 2
Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 You did the right thing friend. We are so curious, so eliminating the possibilites to see what will hurt us is the the first step. Its a huge step and our cunning minds want to work out ways to trick ourselves. The day i blocked and i mean everything, phone, email, social media it was like a little bit of freedom came into my life. The fact that it hurts makes you a good person and worth knowing. keep going. I keep getting the urge to do the same, but a friend of mine earlier tonight said my ex tagged her and some mutual friends at bar having a blast. Made me realize blocking her was worth it. Still really hurts though
JDPT Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I'm just tired of feeling down because of him Think about this, is it really him or you? We often tend to point fingers at those who we believe purposely inflict pain in us. Reality is that they are out of our lives, they have zero bearing on our daily activities and/or thoughts. I have not heard from my ex in over 8 months absolutely nothing. I can't blame her for the way I'm feeling. Now, I'm not going to blame myself but I'm going to the best of my ability understand why I at times feel down. There is something internally I need to change. I need to proactively pave a better way for myself and no one else. Our exes are gone for a reason(s) all we are left with is to formulate how we are going to make it out of this mess we were left in. Take it easy on yourself, and as you already know focus on you and no one else. I too can't wait to free myself completely from the past, I can't wait for the time. However, I do know that that day isn't just going to come on it's on, I have to work hard for it. 2
JDPT Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I keep getting the urge to do the same, but a friend of mine earlier tonight said my ex tagged her and some mutual friends at bar having a blast. Made me realize blocking her was worth it. Still really hurts though I suggest you tell your friend that you don't care to hear about your ex's whereabouts or anything pertaining to her for that matter.
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I suggest you tell your friend that you don't care to hear about your ex's whereabouts or anything pertaining to her for that matter. I let him know. But as you have read in other threads, he's one of the many mutual friends. Eventually her name will get dropped in convo :/ He said we will try to catch himself in the future. 1
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 feeling great today! I spent time with my sweet son last night. he is so good for my soul. I am pouring myself into him and that helps a ton!!! I get to see my brother, my mom and my long time best friend this weekend. tonight I am going to dinner with a friend and a concert. my life is full with great people and amazing blessings! I made a "I AM" list. I printed it out and read it to myself in the morning out loud so I can hear myself say the words. 1
JDPT Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 feeling great today! I spent time with my sweet son last night. he is so good for my soul. I am pouring myself into him and that helps a ton!!! I get to see my brother, my mom and my long time best friend this weekend. tonight I am going to dinner with a friend and a concert. my life is full with great people and amazing blessings! I made a "I AM" list. I printed it out and read it to myself in the morning out loud so I can hear myself say the words. Good for you! Reading this lifts up the spirits.
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Good for you! Reading this lifts up the spirits. trying to just focus on my, my healing, my recovery, my son, creating a great life. I do not need her to have a great life. I have a beautiful cake that I am baking. Yes, it would be nice to find some icing to put on top, but if she does not want to be the icing on my great cake, then so be it. i respect her wishes. there is another great woman out there who will be fighting to be on my cake. 1
k10k Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 We often tend to point fingers at those who we believe purposely inflict pain in us. Yip JDPT, and we shouldn't believe that these people purposely or "consciously" hurt us - because they didn't - their actions are based on their past life experiences, their patterns that have developed, their paths, their own awareness. We all just do the best we can with what we know at the time.
RightThere Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Not good today. Things were moving along very well and I was making great progress with myself. But I guess since my ex isn't, she need to throw wrenches into my life so I can get dragged down to her level. I actually WANT you out of my life now and you won't leave it!
Afailure Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 The past just won't leave me be,my mistakes still haunt me. I feel regret,guilt,self hatred,i can barely sleep as i have panic attacks and when i wake up a have a state of anxiety. I just can't believe i acted the way i acted with the girl of my dreams. This is not how i imagined things would be 9 months ago....
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 The past just won't leave me be,my mistakes still haunt me. I feel regret,guilt,self hatred,i can barely sleep as i have panic attacks and when i wake up a have a state of anxiety. I just can't believe i acted the way i acted with the girl of my dreams. This is not how i imagined things would be 9 months ago.... prayers for you. you must forgive yourself..that is the beginning of letting this go for the next phase. what can you learn from this? how can this make you a better man? take this time to stretch yourself. keep your head up. focus on improvements. what is done is done. how can you better serve in the future?
im_thedude Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Well, I picked up another job, so I'll be staying busy working about 55 hours a week. And I'm taking a class at community college, plus doing a beer league for hockey. My free time I spend reading a book at a local coffee shop, hanging with friends, or playing computer games. I'm happy with all of these aspects of my life. My career is still at a standstill, which stinks but staying busy helps. But, maybe my last relationship really brought out the romantic in me, because I'm still looking for love. Not having a significant other still causes this void in my life and it stinks
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Thankfully, when I get terribly vitamin depleted, I think God makes it works so that the right few neurons fire together at the right itme. It occurred to me last night to see if there were any other places in my town that did B vitamin shots. I found a weight loss oriented place rather than a spa. Things were so different. I asked at the front desk if I would be getting the full medical dose, and asked about expired product. They said that they never used expired product (I know for a fact that the spa did) because it loses potency and they were appalled that the spa was using expired product. But here's the kicker and I should have seen the difference right away. They drew the dose of the b12, they don't have a b complex, right in front of me. The salon never did, they were always drawn up before we got there. Which not only shows a clear lack of transparency (what didn't want us to see they were diluting them?) and not only that, but she said that it was likely the salon was drawing them all up at the beginning of the day, which because the plastic of the needle actually absorbs the B vitamins, further reduces the potency of the expired and already reduced potency and probably diluted product that the spa was using. But I saw her at this new place pierce the sealed container of real full strength B vitamin and draw up a dose of 2000 milligrams. I am feeling fantastic. It is like my brain can breathe again (I know it must sound very bizarre, but when I get really badly depleted, it is like my brain can't breathe, and I have no other way to explain it). I had started to think that I was just crazy. That maybe I was just having random bad mood swings and who knows about the peripheral neuropathy. But nope!!! Too few B vitamins can literally make you crazy. If my ex wants to be irrational and more than slightly idiotic and deny how good we were together, or go have a case of GIGS, or whatever, be my guest. I am great. I will find someone. But even if I don't, I will be happy. Life is truly beautiful. And now the fear I had for the semester is gone. Because with the proper medicine that I need, I will be fine again! Now, umm, if I could stop the bridge effect causing a little irrational thing that is slightly embarrassing...life would be perfect. And wait until this new place investigates the B complex shots (she said that she is sure they can get them). Of course, the question of the hour, if I hadn't been vitamin depleted, would I have said yes to the ex's offer of exclusivity? The world, will have to wonder. *wanders off with a big grin to go enjoy life and this beautiful sunshine here* 2
Afailure Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) prayers for you. you must forgive yourself..that is the beginning of letting this go for the next phase. what can you learn from this? how can this make you a better man? take this time to stretch yourself. keep your head up. focus on improvements. what is done is done. how can you better serve in the future? I can't do it,i just can't forgive myself. I'm 20 years old and i have been struggling to get into a relationship i'm not that good looking but i found the perfect girl for me,she was my other half,she was my first girlfriend and i was her first boyfriend,the 2 months and 2 weeks i was with her were divine i was slowing healing from the depression i was suffering from when i was 13.I couldn't believe she actually loved me... But my fear,anger,jealousy and immaturity made me lose her.I did not insult,hit or cheat her,i disrespected her words and wanted to rush things despite the numerous times she told me what displeased her and we had some arguments all started by me.I was just blinded by my feelings for her and fear of her abandoning me that in the end i caused her to go away.She forgave me numerous times but eventually snapped and i don't blame her,i became a burden... Some time after the break up,i realised what i did wrong and would never have repeated them,i tried 3 times to make her forgive me but to no success.Someone else now has my dream girl in his arms... I promised myself to be a good boyfriend and i failed her,i waited for her all these years and i failed her. I have learned my lesson but for what?I'll never meet someone like her again,girls like her are taken already. Back in the dark pit of loneliness,sadness and self hatred that i came from.... Edited January 24, 2014 by Afailure
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I can't do it,i just can't forgive myself. I'm 20 years old and i have been struggling to get into a relationship i'm not that good looking but i found the perfect girl for me,she was my other half,she was my first girlfriend and i was her first boyfriend,the 2 months and 2 weeks i was with her were divine i was slowing healing from the depression i was suffering from when i was 13.I couldn't believe she actually loved me... But my fear,anger,jealousy and immaturity made me lose her.I did not insult,hit or cheat her,i disrespected her words and wanted to rush things despite the numerous times she told me what displeased her and we had some arguments all started by me.I was just blinded by my feelings for her and fear of her abandoning me that in the end i caused her to go away.She forgave me numerous times but eventually snapped and i don't blame her,i became a burden... Some time after the break up,i realised what i did wrong and would never have repeated them,i tried 3 times to make her forgive me but to no success.Someone else now has my dream girl in his arms... I promised myself to be a good boyfriend and i failed her,i waited for her all these years and i failed her. I have learned my lesson but for what?I'll never meet someone like her again,girls like her are taken already. Back in the dark pit of loneliness,sadness and self hatred that i came from.... brother, you are very young and have years to find what you are wanting. in fact what you are wanting now and down the road will change greatly. the best thing you can do is grow, learn more about your fear of abandonment issues, allow this pain to stir you and stretch you, channel this energy into learning more about what makes you tick. once you get to that place, you will attract the woman you want at the right time. this is your time now. do this for you, not for someone else. get to know you and make yourself happy. 3
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 brother, you are very young and have years to find what you are wanting. in fact what you are wanting now and down the road will change greatly. the best thing you can do is grow, learn more about your fear of abandonment issues, allow this pain to stir you and stretch you, channel this energy into learning more about what makes you tick. once you get to that place, you will attract the woman you want at the right time. this is your time now. do this for you, not for someone else. get to know you and make yourself happy. I can't second this enough!!!!! Please, now I am not sure if there were other confounding issues, but several people here who know attachment issues from the inside out say that they really think my ex had massive attachment issues, and those were the primary driver behind why he sent me away. Please. You are 20. He was (is, really, just not in my life anymore) 32. Don't be like him. Take the time to grieve this and work on your attachment issues so that you aren't sending someone that you very clearly love away. Because it doesn't only hurt yourself, it hurts them too. Terribly. And a good portion of that wound, that doesn't exist in the same way for a normal relational end, is that you end up feeling like you are abandoning them, even though they are making you go away (oh how fantastic and how blessed to be able to write about that, and apparently have worked through it enough that it doesn't make me sad anymore). Learn from him. Change. Take care of yourself, and eventually, when you are ready there will be someone for you. Someone beautiful and caring who will understand the issues that you have, that you are trying to work through them, and will stand by them. 1
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Hanging out with a friend tonight. All is well. I am happy. And back on the road to healthy. Which I should have been much farther on. Only downside to all of this. The absolute only person I know who would know if I have any legal rectification of all the money I threw in the toilet for bad product, is, of course, my ex. No. BTW. I am not texting, emailing, phoning, or otherwise contacting him to find out. I treated him like a king, well, as an equal and very well, anyway. I was faithful and I gave him my all. If he doesn't have the brains to see what he lost and want to contact me with more than breadcrumbs, the loss is not mine. It is hugely his. 2
JDPT Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Relaxing at home watching ridiculousness damnit I really enjoy this show. Anything to make me smile. Lol 2
Real36 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Three different people talked about my ex to me at work today. 3 people, independent of each other, brought him up. I'm feeling a little lonely tonight.
Xemyd Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Today is a bad day. I'm probably somewhere near 75 days NC and I want to break it. I feel like I NEED to talk to him about everything, it doesn't feel like a want at this point. I was supposed to go to a movie tonight with a friend, but I cancelled. Me and m ex went to the first movie last year and I honestly can't sit through 3 hour movie wishing he was holding my hand, hoping he'd somehow get some weird guy feeling that he should contact me. I remember everything from the night we went to that movie. I'm going backwards, I feel no closer to getting over him. What is wrong with me, I can't even go one day without thinking of him, I cry all the time, I can't even go 2 minutes without thinking of him. I wish I could just slip into a coma for a while. I don't want to deal with this pain anymore. Especially since he's probably goin about his life not caring, not wondering about me, not even hurting.
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 At the beginning you will find yourself pushing through activities, clearly you have no desire for them but you must, it will start training your subconscious to start doing rather than thinking too much. When friends used to ask me to hang out my first reaction was "wtf is the point??" but I accepted every time and although I may have been miserable I tried my best to put on a façade. Inside I was dying but on the outside my life was perfect. Keep pushing and know that the pain will eventually subside. 1
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 overall ok, making myself a bit anxious studying MRI images of femur, tibia patella and all it's corresponding fractures, amazing, I should stop.
BC1980 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 At the beginning you will find yourself pushing through activities, clearly you have no desire for them but you must, it will start training your subconscious to start doing rather than thinking too much. When friends used to ask me to hang out my first reaction was "wtf is the point??" but I accepted every time and although I may have been miserable I tried my best to put on a façade. Inside I was dying but on the outside my life was perfect. Keep pushing and know that the pain will eventually subside. I felt the same way. What is the point in hanging out, ect? Those were dark days for sure, but I really forced myself to do things. I made myself accept any invitation to go out, even if I was sitting there dying on the inside. You might want to sit around at home in your pajamas, but you really can't do that if you want to make any progress. 1
JDPT Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I felt the same way. What is the point in hanging out, ect? Those were dark days for sure, but I really forced myself to do things. I made myself accept any invitation to go out, even if I was sitting there dying on the inside. You might want to sit around at home in your pajamas, but you really can't do that if you want to make any progress. Dark days indeed, I wonder at times how I got through them, feels like an eternity ago.
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