How are you coping today?

[fieldoflavender]

Stay strong everyone. Today was really bad for me too - I broke NC over the weekend for a couple of reasons - the first time to be nice to fulfill a promise from a long time ago - mistake. I also did it to hope that the last time we interact wouldn't be so terrible. But I can't do it by myself.

 

And now this week will be very terrible because it will be the last I remember of this relationship and I will have no choice but to remember this is what he left me with. I'm very sad because of that. I can't even preserve the very few good things that were left.

[Logo]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/628714-could-not-second-wife-called-off#post7357573

 

As a man looking for a woman, my options are getting fewer and fewer. Most women in my age group are already married. Every time a date doesn't go as expected, I think about my ex and how great things were until she flushed the relationship down the drain.

 

Since the breakup, most women I have come across already have children and it's making me depressed and reopens old wounds and the grieving process blindsides me like a wall of bricks.

[darkbloom]

Musings for tonight:

 

1) you can't be just friends with someone you are in love with.

 

2) I've missed you the last few days. It would be so easy to reach out and I know you would respond. I'd get my temporary high and then crash back down.

 

3) Instead I'll put it out here in the cyber universe where it will do much less harm.

[Amas5750]

Doing better today relative to other days. Got involved with work today- actually talked to ppl rather than said bare minimum for the first time. Was able to eat more..

 

Going to a 'divorce care' group/ support group close to my house tonight. I am keen for it. It seems everyone in my life has full and flourishing lives but im dissapointed to the maximum. I think this group with others might boost me to feel normal or like not so isolated

[Guzzard]

Rough start to the day for me. My wife has a series of mental health issues and ultimately snapped into a runaway wanting a divorce and no responsibility toward anything because they are in a state of the ONLY thing they can handle right now is their own internals. In hindsight, she has repeated the runaway 3 times prior to me in exactly the same manner. It's eerie to look back at her history now and see a series of events that have repeated every 6-7 years nearly identically. She destroys her relationships and ultimately self destructs in a very visible and predictable pattern... it is eerie like I said how identical in all looks in hindsight.

 

Today, she called me this morning to talk about the next phase of divorce. I have avoided any calls, texts, or emails to her for the last 14 days. Her call this morning surprised me. We talked about the next divorce steps and then talked for a half hour more about what we've each been doing. The limited conversations we've had have been fun and pleasant and leave me longing to "fix" us.... though she is so focused on ONLY herself. It's very hard for me today, because of course the question always remains ... "is this the illness or really her" ... and all signs indicate the illness... which spins me into cycles of wanting to help and work things out. However, she has no interest in that and believes she is on the clearest path to happiness there is. So, without her wanting to, I can't do anything.... but I get trapped in my own head then. It's killing me to be like this.

 

To cope I have been taking walks, seeing counselor, going to doctor tomorrow as at these times my stress over this is incredible and nothing seems to work to bring me down. I very much believe we could work things out but at the same time, with the illness, I also know that without her willingness to really address the illness that even if we worked it out now, that it will happen again and again and more often and with more intensity if she doesn't get on meds and therapy. It makes me sad for me and sad for her and being a "fixer" type person... all wound up.

[Little-Wolf]

My little dog had her surgery today. I've been restless and sad all day, crying over nothing. She's home safe and well and I'm so grateful.

 

I know my ex loved my dog. I thought about messaging him and telling him she survived the operation, but I know that if he cared at all, he'd have asked. Now I just feel low... Knowing he doesn't care.

[Amas5750]

Worried, pensive, ok, coping, nostalgic..

 

Today at work i let my golleagues (3 girls) know. Immediately supported. Spoke to a friend n also dad on phone.

 

I have been strufgling with isolation felings n cinfused to as to why everyones happy ending seems to happen byt seemingly not mine.

[countryfeedback]

I hate dreaming about her. It doesn't happen frequently but when I do it comes in waves, usually repeats nightly for a week or two. I did what I could but in the end she held all the cards.

[Little-Wolf]

I hate dreaming about her. It doesn't happen frequently but when I do it comes in waves, usually repeats nightly for a week or two. I did what I could but in the end she held all the cards.

 

I am the same.

Last night I had a vivid sex dream with my ex (sorry if that' s TMI) and when I woke up and realised it wasn't real, my heart sunk into my stomach. We were so happy in the dream. We were clubbing and we went back to his and it felt SO real.

 

Now I'm in a terrible mood. I hope your day goes better than mine!

[Nogan]

Mostly just kind of mad today. I go through spurts where I feel okay and that everything is whatever, but my friends are all in happy stable relationships and I keep winding up with women who have no business dating

 

Last four:

1. Alcoholic who kept trying to sabotage our relationship by her own admission because she didn't know how to process a guy who actually treated her well

2. Briefly dated a girl who was fresh out of a relationship and a little way too intense

3. Girl who made me her emotional crux within the span of a month before I had a chance to process the relationship

4. The most recent ex who treated me like she genuinely cared, pushed for something serious, and then wound up dumping me because she's dumped every single one of her boyfriends when the butterflies dissipate

Edited July 12, 2017 by Nogan

[trustyourself]

Angry. Hurt. Sad. Relieved?

 

Tried for a second chance after 6 months (probably too soon), which lasted 3 weeks before she had doubts and broke it off again. Told me her parents did not approve and she did not want to lie to them. It sounds like just an excuse, and why would I want to be with someone who does not want to fight for us?

 

I think I see clearly now. Still hurts like a sob though.

[countryfeedback]

I think it's time for a restraining order, I'm done putting up with this.

[Logo]

There are two kinds of people, those chasing pleasure, and those running from pain.

 

If you ask me, nobody gets to escape their pain. It's there when you brush your teeth at night. It's there before breakfast. It will come up fierce and sharp, and lay in to you blunt and heavy.

 

Pleasure helps you forget. But pain, pain forces you to hope. You tell yourself this can't last.

 

The most you can hope for is one good day. Because on a good day you get to tell yourself, "I can fix this. Today can be different. Today something might change."

 

From the movie Tenderness (2009)

[Little-Wolf]

I'm not coping well today.

 

Still angry and upset that my ex has not been in contact about my sick little dog. It wouldn't have meant I would think we would suddenly get back together, it would have just showed that he cared at least a little bit. I guess he doesn't at all. I wanted someone to speak to about this, and he hasn't reached out, and I'll be damned if I ever make the initial contact.

 

My heart is broken. I feel I am constantly getting worse, not better.

[Nogan]

I met someone today. First girl since my ex I've felt genuinely excited about. We went on a date and it went super goddamn well

 

Feels nice knowing I can still feel like that

[Amas5750]

A friend announced her twin pregnancy at breakfast today. A little family is all i want.

I held it kinda together until i got home. Floods and floods of desperate awful tears erupted. I lay in my hallway.

 

I cried to my mum and told her how much i hate my life. I was hysterical. I broke up with my partner (both in our 30s) because he wont give me children. I was hysterically crying saying i hate my life. And i meant it. I kept hearing her call my name and try to call through to me but i was crying too long. Eventually i responded to her.

 

She gave me alot of good advice and also told me that some ppl are facing death and would give anything not to die.

 

Ive cried alot of times today. I feel so abandoned and alone. My boyfriend used to talk about marriage n kids n we were together nearly 2 years. Its too much i feel

 

This kind of jealousy and pain are unbearable. I feel like id rather die but i cannot do that to my good friends n family.

This isolating pain of others getting what i want is almlst too much to bear.

[Logo]

A friend announced her twin pregnancy at breakfast today. A little family is all i want.

I held it kinda together until i got home. Floods and floods of desperate awful tears erupted. I lay in my hallway.

 

I cried to my mum and told her how much i hate my life. I was hysterical. I broke up with my partner (both in our 30s) because he wont give me children. I was hysterically crying saying i hate my life. And i meant it. I kept hearing her call my name and try to call through to me but i was crying too long. Eventually i responded to her.

 

She gave me alot of good advice and also told me that some ppl are facing death and would give anything not to die.

 

Ive cried alot of times today. I feel so abandoned and alone. My boyfriend used to talk about marriage n kids n we were together nearly 2 years. Its too much i feel

 

This kind of jealousy and pain are unbearable. I feel like id rather die but i cannot do that to my good friends n family.

This isolating pain of others getting what i want is almlst too much to bear.

 

 

 

The pain can be unbearable. I know what you mean. It especially hurts when you had expectations that the relationship would last forever and that you'd grow old together.

 

 

But now is the time for you to start taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time. Try to do little things that make you happy and give you a sense of accomplishment. You need to start feeling good about yourself.

 

 

Try something new that you have always wanted to do but never had a chance.

 

 

If like reading, buy some books about topics that interest you. Whatever it is. Just try doing one small thing every day that will make you feel good. Connect with old friends you haven't seen in a while. Make new friends.

 

 

Start a new routine that will keep you busy. You need to stay outside your head. When we're alone, we think too much. And that's when the pain starts to hurt more and more.

 

 

Realize that it's going to take time. But understand that you WILL feel better. Just take it one day at a time and look forward. Don't lose hope. Never lose hope.

 

 

And remember, things WILL get better. I promise you.

[Logo]

I met someone today. First girl since my ex I've felt genuinely excited about. We went on a date and it went super goddamn well

 

Feels nice knowing I can still feel like that

 

 

 

I'm genuinely happy for you. I hope things will work out well.

 

 

I'm still looking for that person.

[Jsos91]

I'm coping okay I suppose. I've had my ups and downs as we do when dealing with heartbreak. I haven't heard from her in about a week and a bit and it was just about items we had to exchange. She left for her school placement in Sri Lanka this morning for 6 weeks, I feel both a bit of relief and disappointment at the same time. A part of me thought that just maybe she'd send me a message or something to say goodbye but who am I kidding? She doesn't owe me that nor is she obligated to do it and it isn't like I've reached out either. I know I should just be blocking her number so that I don't worry about wether she messages me or not and I can really focus on moving on but it's so damn hard to close that door completely, I always want to leave it open just a crack in case she comes back. Regardless I need to use this time now of knowing she won't reach out to get back to feeling good and focusing on me for a change. I met a girl a while back and we've been casually chatting, she's incredible and knows exactly what I'm going through which is nice. I'm going to hang out with her today and I honestly don't feel any pressure, I just want to have fun and have a good day! Cheers to everyone here dealing with a broken heart, it's my first and I wouldn't wish this kind of pain and emotional trauma on ANYONE.

[Little-Wolf]

I feel good today. Booking a holiday to Italy in October with a girlfriend, so that's made me happy and has given me something to focus on.

 

I still miss him though. Why did he have to kiss me after breaking up with me? Why did he say "I don't know if I'll regret this or not?"

 

It leaves hope to fester in my brain. I think it would be less painful if he'd said "There's 100% chance we'll never get back together."

 

[sorano]

Still have no desire to date, to meet a woman, nothing. I have been doing really great though. 98%. Not sure how long its been, but, I still have moments where I get angry on how I was treated. It's amazing how you do whatever it takes to be a good partner. You go above and beyond. You wake up and be the best you can be. In the end, it never mattered to them. They just didnt care. And I should have read or saw the signs. But I didn't.

 

I was told recently by a friend, that I have to forgive in order to move on. In a way it makes sense. Just have to forgive. But I can't. I don't sit around and cry anymore. Or think about them every second like I did when she dumped me. That phase is over. I go out and have fun now. I am enjoyng my hobbies again. But, I will never forgive that disgusting person. I can't even call her a woman or a female. even calling her an animal is too nice.

 

The universe has its ways of dealing with things. It will come back.

[vickyp]

Today I have been up and down. People here are right, when your alone your too much in your head. I guess the question that lingers in my head is how someone promised to never leave you but does, or reading others LS posts how people can go after such a long time. Like what, after 3 yrs they wake up one day and say it's over? Like I really don't get it. Mentally they must not be stable. I was also thinking if my dumper were to contact me and want to give it a go again, if I would. That would be a big risk to take. The heart ache is unbearable right now .i wish I was an emotion less person. Like a robot. I hate seeing happy couples it makes me want to cry and think to myself why can't that be me? When will I get my happiness? The thought of dating hasn't even crossed my mind and frankly I'm abit scared. I'll cross that bridge when I'm ready too. So yes I'm not coping that good today.

[Monopoly]

Everytime I feel like I can move on, you come back. My brain is so tired, so so tired...I sometimes wish I never met you. I'm not doing well today, because you contacted me, and you know the effect it has on me. Why can't you just leave me alone. You're the one who didn't want me in your life anymore. I wish I was stronger.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Still grieving the loss of the man I gave my heart to.

Working on acceptance that it is over.

Working on acceptance that he is not mature enough to stay with me long term. Which is why he left without warning, doing the 180.

Working on building my resolve to not take him back should he come back.

It just is not worth it to go through this again. The thing is people don't change.

I just hate feeling so horrible and low. I even went for a run today and I still feel sad and anxious.

It is hard to get motivated to do much when there is depression. I am pretty certain I am depressed. It is affecting me physically.

But did just read on the stages of grief that depression is an important stage of grief. So all I can do is wait until I get it out of my system and it passes.

[Amas5750]

Just clinging on to the positive things my friends or family have said. Trying to hold myself strong .

 

Today trying to srop my catastrophizing thougts which are causing heightened anxiety alot.

 

Just ruminating on the man my ex became n how different this is from the initial relationship

 

Surprised how its still affecting me and not affecting him