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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted

Well , l'm just fkg confused right now.

l said to her this morng , and this is after going in circles for 3 days . babe , this very morning you said you won't move again, you said you love it there and you said you'll never move again for a man.

well , if we're gonna be together then you know that , you would have to move here. l've got my daughter , there's no other way.

sooo, we have to let this go then if you won't move.

 

that makes sense right , l can't move , she said she won't move , ok , wtf else can we do , right?

 

Nope , apparently not , all fkg day around and around .

and so tonight l said again , but babe this is pointless, you won't move , l can't move, this is all pointless.

chilli , why are you trying to catch me out.,

yes l said l won't move , but that doesn't mean l might not move, l might move.

huh ???????

well , lf l trusted this , maybe l'd move, but people change. in 5 yrs, 10 yrs, they get bored and race of with someone else.

so if l move and you did that to me in 10yrs time, then where would l be.

 

bloody hell.

  • Like 1
BryanSmiley Established Member

BryanSmiley

Posted
Posted
I'm on day 22 of NC today, he broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I have days where I have been fine (trying to eat well, sleep enough, go for a jog/walk, meet with friends), however today is awful. My mind has got me on a bad track and I can't seem to escape. My ex is a coworker and I find it very hard to see him on a daily basis. I have not have any projects with him over the last few weeks so I can stick to the NC, luckily. Lately, I have the feeling that he disrespects me and is making fun of me behind my back, joking with other co-workers. It is driving me insane as I have no idea whether he is in fact disrespectful or whether I'm just going crazy (which is wat he is insinuating). A couple of things he does or did are:

  • he broke up with me via text and we never talked (in person) afterwards - we did e-mail/text shortly after the breakup
  • I asked him for a conversation and in the beginning he told me he also wanted to talk to me in person, so I asked him to pick a time and place and when the moment was there he just told me he did not want any drama - he nevertheless kept promising that he would talk to me if that would help me
  • he said he wanted to help me dealing with the breakup, but I really don't feel it that way
  • I asked him to return my old cell phone (which I needed for old numbers), he said ok, but he never gave it back
  • he does not look at me when he passes me by at the office
  • he says no 'good morning' when entering the office, nor goodbye when leaving
  • when having lunch (with other co-workers) he either asks questions to anyone but me (thus ignoring me) or when I talk about something, he starts talking through it with another colleague
  • Tuesday when joining the lunch, the table got akwardly quiet, so I keep thinking that he was badmouthing about me - in the meantime, I have not told any coworker anything about us as we agreed to keep it secret and professional (and not talk about us in the office)
  • he is seeing someone new (I heard it from at least 5 different co-workers) and apparently he already was talking about her before we even broke up
  • he does not respond to purely professional e-mails

I do not want him back at this point. I understand that our relationship is over and I know that I had a big part in us ending as well. I just hate how he treats me. Especially as in our last e-mails he told me I was a wonderful person and he really wanted me to be happy and to help me get through. He even said he wanted us to be friends once we both have dealt with the breakup. It makes me feel really bad and I have a hard time putting this next to me. I feel as if he never really cared at all (being together with someone else so soon). I know I should focus on me and not focus on what he is doing as it is probably because him dealing badly with the breakup, but it is so hard. I don't understand, he dumped me, he is in love with someone else, then why can't he just act normal to me. I don't expect him to come and talk to me, just a little decency. Somehow he makes me feel crazy for expecting that and somehow he always really makes me doubt myself and my actions. Right now I just wish I could make him disappear, so that I can heal. Anyway I have an appointment with my psychologist, so I hope she can provide me with some insights.

 

 

Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading if you do. It helps me to know that I'm not alone out there.

 

It's bad enough working with an ex, as I do and understand. But his behavior towards you is really hurtful. Whether he's weak and it's the only way he knows how to handle it, or what. But it shows his true colours. Your handling it admirably given the situation, which stinks. You can be told to keep your chin up and be civil a million times but the stress of working with an ex or having to see them is tough, and especially so if they are behaving like that.

 

I've tried to PM you as my situation is quite similar. You've got PM's disabled which I'm told you can change in the My Profile/CP. Welcome to message me if you wish as maybe it'll be of some comfort sharing similar experiences. But know that your not alone and your handling the ex at work as best as can be expected. :)

  • Like 2
StrangerThanFiction Established Member

StrangerThanFiction

Posted
Posted

Well it's been a couple days since the ex ended our friendship. It kind've feels like we broke up all over again, minus the agonizing pain of a broken heart. We work at the same company so I still have to hear about him from other people and see him sometimes, but it's nothing I can't handle. Instead of a jolt of pain when I see him, it's more a small twinge of sadness. I'm trying to find a positive way to look at the situation to get me out of this minor funk though.

 

Let's see...well, I do believe this is for the best in the end regardless of the little bit of melancholy I'm feeling right now. I think it was too soon for us to even try to be friends, for one thing. I was a good friend to him while he wasn't so much to me, for another. And if I'm honest with myself, I think I only stayed friends with him because I wasn't ready to let him go totally. Now, since it was his choice, I don't have any regrets or what-ifs about it being over. So, as much as I'm a little hurt about it, this is probably the best outcome I could hope for.

  • Like 1
anassa Member

anassa

Posted
Posted

It's 5 days after I ended a relationship that was only going to waste my time and lead to more heartache. The indisputable truth of this and some deep self-reflection keeps me from going back on it.

 

It's been hard because I pulled the plug during a phase where there was still intense highs; the relationship didn't run its course and end due to the inevitable ugly truth of it.

 

The first two days I felt motivated to work on myself; most of my obsessive thoughts came in the form of self-reflection. But since then, I have regressed to wallowing and obsessing about what ifs and what the ex will do. I've felt insecurity, anger, panic, self-pity ... anything but the peace I thought I gained initially.

 

I'm thinking about this weekend, which will be extra hard, and instead of wanting to flee out of town to visit friends, or spend it studying for something I need to get done, I'm envisioning the comfort of moping around in bed. I'm disappointed with myself.

  • Like 1
Liesbeth Member

Liesbeth

Posted
Posted
It's bad enough working with an ex, as I do and understand. But his behavior towards you is really hurtful. Whether he's weak and it's the only way he knows how to handle it, or what. But it shows his true colours. Your handling it admirably given the situation, which stinks. You can be told to keep your chin up and be civil a million times but the stress of working with an ex or having to see them is tough, and especially so if they are behaving like that.

 

I've tried to PM you as my situation is quite similar. You've got PM's disabled which I'm told you can change in the My Profile/CP. Welcome to message me if you wish as maybe it'll be of some comfort sharing similar experiences. But know that your not alone and your handling the ex at work as best as can be expected. :)

 

Hi BryanSmiley,

 

 

Thank you for your reaction. It really feels good to get some recognition. I think I cannot yet use the PM-application as I am not yet an established member. I would nevertheless like to exchange when possible :) thanks a million times for reaching out!

  • Like 1
Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted (edited)

PS , just a side note if anyone l know happens to drop in here, l know from the few things l say my sitch won't make any sense because l just haven't felt like going into it lately.

But , despite some earlier issues, we have still just been in touch and talking about things.

Edited by Chilli
divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
Posted

My ex that brought me here came back. And it's seriously is messing with me.

 

I dated all spring, which was a mistake. I really just want to be single for a while. But when a man cannot have me, they pursue me so hard.

 

Whenever I want to be single, I have men after me all day long. Whenever I want a relationship, I get, well .............. crickets.

 

Hugs my friends!!!!

Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted
My ex that brought me here came back. And it's seriously is messing with me.

 

I dated all spring, which was a mistake. I really just want to be single for a while. But when a man cannot have me, they pursue me so hard.

 

Whenever I want to be single, I have men after me all day long. Whenever I want a relationship, I get, well .............. crickets.

 

Hugs my friends!!!!

 

It depends on the person and I think I've been running into somewhat of a similar situation as you.

 

My go to technique which I used to use, but somehow forgot after not using it for a while due to being in a relationship is if you're interested in someone, play it very cool. Men, as women, enjoy the chase. It gives them a sense of accomplishment and an ego boost.

 

I'm not saying to play hard to get or play the hot and cold game. That's not healthy for a relationship. All I'm saying is that if you're interested in a guy, give him positive signs that you're interested. Smile when needed, show interest in his life and if he asks you for a phone number, give it to him. But stay as cool as a cucumber. Don't show that you're overly excited, just be nice. Don't be clingy either, let him set the pace at first.

 

And finally, but more importantly, make sure he's not a player. Funny and nice is one thing, but a charming smooth talker is another.

 

Always remember that it takes two to tango. If you're doing more than he is to get to know you, then it's probably not for you.

  • Like 2
MeadowFlower Established Member

MeadowFlower

Posted
Posted

I'm a bit 'scared'.....wait and see.

  • Like 1
1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

Posted
Posted

45 days NC with the addict. He passive aggressively ended our r'ship by changing his profile picture and posting "Alone is the hardest journey" crap on fb. So I told him that this obviously wasn't working for us, and that was the end.

 

I fell in love with his potential in true co-dependent form. Seeing and accepting his true colors now is really hard. He's sleeping with anything with 2 legs (he was my 1st after a 4 year sexless marriage ended) and is posting pics of himself on social media looking hot and whatnot (this according to a friend - I have him blocked - I told her I didn't want to hear anything more).

 

I think I'm mourning all the hopes and dreams I put into him and our r'sh*t, but it still is so hard. I can't wait for the day when he doesn't enter my mind at all.

  • Like 1
Little-Wolf Established Member

Little-Wolf

Posted
Posted (edited)

Someone please talk me out of contacting him.

 

I have all this great stuff going on, but no one to celebrate with. No one to tell me how proud they are. I am happy and excited on the outside, but inside I am falling apart and no one knows. I miss my best friend. I miss just having someone. All my "friends" walk all over me because I don't have a backbone and probably never will.

 

I have to accept that I will forever spend my life being walked all over.

 

I am crying so hard. I don't even know what I'm crying about. All this because my friend ditched me? I'm pathetic.

 

 

Edit; Just had a full blown panic attack. I've never felt so alone.

 

I want to reach out but I can't and I won't, no matter how much I want to.

Edited by Little-Wolf
  • Like 3
Amas5750 Established Member

Amas5750

Posted
Posted

Hug. I feel your pain. Hope u feel exhausted/relaxed after a massive cry.

  • Like 1
fieldoflavender Established Member

fieldoflavender

Posted
Posted

I'm having a hard time too Little-Wolf. I know I don't know you in real life, but props to you for all your achievements and there are people in this world who care. I actually care even if I don't know you personally because anyone going through this could use some support. Be strong.

 

I promised him today I would write him something even after the break-up. I am so tempted to because I know it may help him but I can't bring myself to do it. He broke all his promises to me and I don't know what the point of doing it would be. I really want to break no contact - but I don't know what the point is.

anassa Member

anassa

Posted
Posted
Someone please talk me out of contacting him.

 

I have all this great stuff going on, but no one to celebrate with. No one to tell me how proud they are. I am happy and excited on the outside, but inside I am falling apart and no one knows. I miss my best friend. I miss just having someone. All my "friends" walk all over me because I don't have a backbone and probably never will.

 

I have to accept that I will forever spend my life being walked all over.

 

I am crying so hard. I don't even know what I'm crying about. All this because my friend ditched me? I'm pathetic.

 

 

Edit; Just had a full blown panic attack. I've never felt so alone.

 

I want to reach out but I can't and I won't, no matter how much I want to.

 

I can relate to the severe loneliness and panic attacks. Staying NC is the hardest when I feel like I don't have a special someone to share good and bad news with. But when I think about that some more, I realize that role could be fulfilled by anyone. So really, it's more about me not standing on my own.

 

I do empathize but I want to say that you MUST NOT accept that you are weak or that people will forever walk over you. Bad things happens in life; that is inevitable. But we need not be passive recipients of bad fortune. We can be active in reducing the occurrence of bad things and we can bounce back faster from bad things. The first and hardest part is changing the way our mind perceives things.

divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
Posted

Thank you for your advice. I've taken it to heart. :love:

 

I've been reflecting on the couple of men I dated and for the most part, they were pretty awesome. But they all wanted more, so much more, than I'm able to give right now.

 

I've been processing an idea that's hard for me to grasp. I more joyful being single than I am dating. Dating leaves me an anxiety filled, negative emotions driven, spinning mess!!!! Yuck!!

 

I'm finally becoming centered, grounded and calm again.... and this is where I need to stay. Filled with abundance, bliss and peace.

 

Love and hugs.

  • Like 3
Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted
Thank you for your advice. I've taken it to heart. :love:

 

I've been reflecting on the couple of men I dated and for the most part, they were pretty awesome. But they all wanted more, so much more, than I'm able to give right now.

 

I've been processing an idea that's hard for me to grasp. I more joyful being single than I am dating. Dating leaves me an anxiety filled, negative emotions driven, spinning mess!!!! Yuck!!

 

I'm finally becoming centered, grounded and calm again.... and this is where I need to stay. Filled with abundance, bliss and peace.

 

Love and hugs.

 

 

Dating the right person should not be stressful, but fun. Also, the more confident you are, the less stressed you will be.

  • Like 1
Amas5750 Established Member

Amas5750

Posted
Posted

It bothers me nit having some one to share the good n bad news with AND also the details

..

Amas5750 Established Member

Amas5750

Posted
Posted

Today is relatively much better than other days. Theres some light being let in (just a little).

I walked with my sister and her dog. I said everuthing on my mind and found she had my back.

 

Though i feel scared Nd very sad, some light crept in today.

  • Like 1
1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

Posted
Posted

I've been processing an idea that's hard for me to grasp. I more joyful being single than I am dating. Dating leaves me an anxiety filled, negative emotions driven, spinning mess!!!! Yuck!!

 

I'm finally becoming centered, grounded and calm again.... and this is where I need to stay. Filled with abundance, bliss and peace.

 

Love and hugs.

 

I'm with you here!

  • Like 1
anassa Member

anassa

Posted
Posted

I don't know why I'm so masochistic today but I'm forcibly recalling how it felt to be hugged, kissed, held by him and the smell of him. Such chemistry I have never felt before. It hurts to think that it's empty, not based on a foundation of trust and commitment. Not love.

Amas5750 Established Member

Amas5750

Posted
Posted

Scared. Scared b/c i really trusted him.

 

Scared b/c im vulnerable

 

Angry this happened

 

In physical pain

 

Bit pessamistic

Nogan Member

Nogan

Posted
Posted

Had been meeting up with my ex kinda broaching being friends, seeing how I felt, and seeing how she felt. Finally had a conversation with her about what she put me through with the added clarity of time and distance.

 

Girl just straight up chases butterflies and associates the comfort and relative boredom that comes from settling into a relationship with "oh no, he isn't right for me." She said it's happened in her previous 8 relationships, and doesn't know if she has a problem or just hasn't met the right guy yet. Considering how enthusiastic she was about dating me for the first couple months before the sudden 180 and just how intensely she went about integrating me into her life and family, I think it's pretty readily apparent that she's just immature.

 

She doesn't invest in people, she invests in excitement. It's telling that the only guy she's ever felt like she had real feelings for was an ex she started talking to years later. Guy kept her at a distance, and so it never settled.

 

Does it help clarifying that? A little. It still sucks, though. She ripped into my life like a whirlwind and vanished with my heart.

  • Like 2
Little-Wolf Established Member

Little-Wolf

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not coping well at all today.

 

Three weeks tomorrow since the breakup which means almost three weeks of solid NC. His nan keeps liking my posts on FB though, I don't have the heart to remove her just yet. She was so good to me and we had such a lovely bond.

 

I've just seen that my first boyfriend has had his second child with the girl he left me for. I haven't seen or spoken to him since 2013, but it still shook me a little. He was a horrible, abusive monster. I can only hope he treats her better and raises his daughters to never be with a man like he was. I hope he's changed.

 

It still made me feel sad. He didn't want children with me, but he wanted children with a 17 year old. Everyone said they wouldn't last, but they're still together. After he left me, my life was left in rags while he was just fine. It's so unfair.

 

I feel like everyone else has their happy ending but me. I'm just the girl my ex-partners meet before they meet the love of their life. All three of my official ex's had babies shortly after breaking up with me, which is all I've ever wanted. I don't know what I believe in, but if past lives exsisted, I must have been horrible. It's like life is playing a cruel, sick joke on me, knowing how much I want my own children, bringing in these men that break my heart and leave me in the dust for them to move on and be happy and live the life I so desperately want.

 

I had a horrible dream my ex had moved on the other night with an older blond woman. I had never seen her before, but I remember her face. I woke up crying so much that I was blinded for a moment. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know why I'm torturing myself by even thinking of it. The thought of him with someone else sickens me to my core.

 

I'm sobbing as I'm writing this. As NC goes on, I'm getting weaker, not stronger.

Edited by Little-Wolf
  • Like 3
Stuck2532 Member

Stuck2532

Posted
Posted
I'm not coping well at all today.

 

Three weeks tomorrow since the breakup which means almost three weeks of solid NC. His nan keeps liking my posts on FB though, I don't have the heart to remove her just yet. She was so good to me and we had such a lovely bond.

 

I've just seen that my first boyfriend has had his second child with the girl he left me for. I haven't seen or spoken to him since 2013, but it still shook me a little. He was a horrible, abusive monster. I can only hope he treats her better and raises his daughters to never be with a man like he was. I hope he's changed.

 

It still made me feel sad. He didn't want children with me, but he wanted children with a 17 year old. Everyone said they wouldn't last, but they're still together. After he left me, my life was left in rags while he was just fine. It's so unfair.

 

I feel like everyone else has their happy ending but me. I'm just the girl my ex-partners meet before they meet the love of their life. All three of my official ex's had babies shortly after breaking up with me, which is all I've ever wanted. I don't know what I believe in, but if past lives exsisted, I must have been horrible. It's like life is playing a cruel, sick joke on me, knowing how much I want my own children, bringing in these men that break my heart and leave me in the dust for them to move on and be happy and live the life I so desperately want.

 

I had a horrible dream my ex had moved on the other night with an older blond woman. I had never seen her before, but I remember her face. I woke up crying so much that I was blinded for a moment. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know why I'm torturing myself by even thinking of it. The thought of him with someone else sickens me to my core.

 

I'm sobbing as I'm writing this. As NC goes on, I'm getting weaker, not stronger.

 

Hi, LittleWolf. You only feel like you are getting weaker, but this will make you stronger even if you don't know it. Don't blame yourself. You are just as good as anyone else, and you will be better than EVERYONE else for SOMEONE, just not those you have already been with. Keep an open mind. No contact is the best thing we can do to get over a loss. Maybe deleting his nan (is that grandmother, by the way? just curious) from your fb will help you, even if she was very nice to you. Anything that reminds you of him will quickly bring you downward, spiraling into memories and feelings that make you feel like you are losing it. We have all been there. Try to remind yourself the reasons for the split. I think self-therapy/meditation is as important - if not more - than seeing a therapist. Do it.

 

For me, even things that don't 100% relate to her remind me of her. It has been almost 3 years since it ended and I only started feeling better a few months ago. Still, the pain is there.

 

I always come back to this thread when I'm feeling weak. For example, today I found out two of my classmates became an official couple. She told me she had sex with the guy (the one in this new couple) after we ended things. Back then I didn't want to hear it. She would tell me she was dating to forget me and would go into slight details as to who it was and how it happened. Maybe she did it to get me to forget her, but it didn't really work at the time anyway. I was so close to texting her just now, to ask her what she thought of this new couple. I deleted her phone months ago, but I can still remember it if I try the numbers 2-3 times. I added the number to my phone the first time and it didn't take, I was about to try once again and had to stop myself. There is NO POINT to me talking to her. She is gone and I need to accept that. She has accepted it. She moved in with some guy almost a year ago and they seem to be doing great. I DON'T NEED THIS. I feel like I need her, but that will go away with time. There was a reason it all ended, and it was a damn good reason. Now I just need to follow through with what I set out to do when the decision to break it off was made by us both. I need to be strong and not let these old feelings and memories drag me back to the place I worked so hard to get out of.

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