How are you coping today?

[Chilli]

Yeah , just wanna say for anyone reading so as to not give them the wrong idea for their own situations, it's not about fault or blame to me.

it's just about figuring out what went wrong and why, and why it can't be and if we're doing the right thing.

 

We had so much , things l know we'll never find again now, damn. So if it was just our situation causing the sh@t in the end, well, maybe we could've sorted that out and been fine, hmm , the dream.

Edited May 27, 2017 by Chilli

[freebird31]

It's been 4 years now since me and my first love broke up. I've been on dates since then. Dated a few guys. But nothing ever serious. I always tried and wondered why I could never feel the same excitement or passion. Or anything quite like what I felt for my ex. It made me think that maybe I was emotionally unavailable or not open to love someone. But now that I think about it, you cannot force what is not there. Yes, I do think I am picky with who I give my heart to and who I want to date or get serious with. But I think I know why now and am starting to realize there maybe isn't anything wrong with that. Well I think that my first love set the bar really high. Not in terms of who he was. But the way that I felt about him was extreme. And our relationship, although flawed, was for the most part healthy and agreeable. We never fought. maybe just had a few disagreements here and there, which we settled. I was so in love with him. And after all of this time, I know that I will probably always love him to some degree. But I have also accepted, long ago, that we are most likely never going to be together again. That's not what I came here to discuss. I came here to discuss my many failed dating experiences after me and my ex broke up. Like I mentioned, I thought maybe it was because I was emotionally unavailable. Which to some degree I was at first. But now I know I am not and I know that my failed dating experiences have rarely if anything to at all to do with me being emotionally unavailable. The way I see it. Is that my first love set the standard for what Love is in my mind (I read this somewhere). So yes, I do compare anyone i date after to the experiences I shared with my ex. Nothing has come remotely close. And I kept thinking that maybe I was being too picky, too unavailable, too this and too that. But I'm just now realizing that maybe it doesn't mean any of those things. Maybe I just haven't found the person that makes me feel the passion that I once felt long ago...yet. And maybe that's alright. I have met some nice guys, handsome men, even entertaining guys..but something was always missing. On the exception of one guy I did meet a year ago who made me feel something similar. But I just think that maybe there isn't anything wrong with that. And although all of this time is passing and I continue to pass up really great men, I don't want to settle. I don't want to settle for never feeling that same bliss and passion I once felt for someone long ago. I know passion dies and a relationship has its honeymoon phase and may turn into a more mature relationship. But I just want to wait until I meet the right man for me, who I will WANT to build a future with and feel passionate about building with. I don't care if this sounds silly or delusional. But what I felt for my ex is unlike anything I have felt for anyone I have met yet. And I think it's possible I could feel that passionately about someone again. I just think I haven't met them yet. And I'll continue to wait. I refuse to settle for anything less. Maybe my ex set the bar really high. Maybe it isn't such a bad thing. Because I know I'll end up with someone I truly love and this time with someone who feels the same way about me. I just know it will come one day. And it's something worth waiting for. I don't want to settle.

[metrognome]

I'm not the only one who feels worse now as time is going on am I? It's been about 6 weeks and definitely feels worse than the first few. Feel more tempted to contact him than I did before. I can't focus on my exams at all, which is just increasing the stress, making me focus even less and want to contact him even more! There is no way out of all of this. How could he do this to me now when there's so much pressure on me....

[Chilli]

l don't mean this in a smart/a@@ sense or anything like that but l just never get how people just don't seem to understand that stuff and that 100 dates mean nothing.

There's only one that matters and you know it when you meet them, the other 3 1/2billion don't come into it.

Or in my case , two, now.

 

l actually believe there are in the world maybe 2 or 3 , 4 , people for all of us that we could equally love and be beautifully matched to. They'd all be different but the result the same.

So hopefully everyone manages to find at least one of the 3 or 4.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Chilli

[HamonRye]

I've been a long time lurker here for a year and a half so it seems ridiculous that I've now decided to create an account and post.

 

I've been feeling very meh about it all today. I split up with ex-partner of 7 years a year and a half ago. I've had a baby since then (with a friend after a one night stand, that's another story). I thought I was long over that initial gut wrenching feeling of the early days and everything that came after.

 

I've found myself thinking about him more and more the last few weeks. I have no idea why. It's really bugging me now. I think I'm always going to compare others to him which annoys me even more.

 

I wonder why today I felt I should create an account and post?

[Logo]

And how do we deal with those little trigger moments if they're NOT random or occasional? What if they're there EVERY SECOND, 24/7 for nearly 16 months? How do we deal with the new things in life, the new experiences or songs that have NOTHING to do with the previous relationship, but are rendered hurtful and worthless because the person you want isn't there to share it?

 

 

 

When you wrote your post, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't think my response would be helpful because I was going through a phase where I felt at peace with the fact that we might never be together again.

 

 

I though, "Well, there comes a point when you realize you have to move on."

 

 

But I didn't want to write that. It would have been insensitive.

 

 

But here I am, almost a month since I posted and you responded and I feel like I just can't take it anymore. I can't.

 

 

In the last few days I have wanted to just numb myself. The emotions are just too strong and I can't deal with them anymore.

 

 

I watched a sci-fi movie tonight and I started fantasizing, "What if I got a face transplant? My ex wouldn't recognize me. I'd be a stranger and I would then be able to start a new relationship with her."

 

 

I'm at the point where I can't see myself allowing myself to fall in love with anyone else again, except her.

 

 

I can't bear it. It's weighing on me and I can't even cry anymore. I feel like I want to, really bad, so that I might feel better afterward.

 

 

Sometimes I think, "Well, we both changed, we both learned from our mistakes, what if I contacted her and very slowly tried to see if she might be interested in getting back together?"

 

 

She cheated on me, but I know that she loved me in the beginning, a lot. Don't people fall in and out of love all the time? Doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder? Well, maybe she misses me.

 

 

What we had was so intense and so strong. I regret not handling some situations more carefully. Perhaps then the outcome would have been different.

 

 

I can't tell anymore. All I have are these pages to write my thoughts. No one around wants to hear what's in my heart and on my mind anymore and I feel so alone. I feel pathetic. She hurt me, but I still miss her and want to be with her after all these months.

 

 

I go out with friends, I have hobbies, I work, but my life feels empty without her. It feels joyless.

Edited May 30, 2017 by Logo

[Jagged100]

When you wrote your post, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't think my response would be helpful because I was going through a phase where I felt at peace with the fact that we might never be together again.

 

 

I though, "Well, there comes a point when you realize you have to move on."

 

 

But I didn't want to write that. It would have been insensitive.

 

 

But here I am, almost a month since I posted and you responded and I feel like I just can't take it anymore. I can't.

 

 

In the last few days I have wanted to just numb myself. The emotions are just too strong and I can't deal with them anymore.

 

 

I watched a sci-fi movie tonight and I started fantasizing, "What if I got a face transplant? My ex wouldn't recognize me. I'd be a stranger and I would then be able to start a new relationship with her."

 

 

I'm at the point where I can't see myself allowing myself to fall in love with anyone else again, except her.

 

 

I can't bear it. It's weighing on me and I can't even cry anymore. I feel like I want to, really bad, so that I might feel better afterward.

 

 

Sometimes I think, "Well, we both changed, we both learned from our mistakes, what if I contacted her and very slowly tried to see if she might be interested in getting back together?"

 

 

She cheated on me, but I know that she loved me in the beginning, a lot. Don't people fall in and out of love all the time? Doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder? Well, maybe she misses me.

 

 

What we had was so intense and so strong. I regret not handling some situations more carefully. Perhaps then the outcome would have been different.

 

 

I can't tell anymore. All I have are these pages to write my thoughts. No one around wants to hear what's in my heart and on my mind anymore and I feel so alone. I feel pathetic. She hurt me, but I still miss her and want to be with her after all these months.

 

 

I go out with friends, I have hobbies, I work, but my life feels empty without her. It feels joyless.

You might have changed, but who is to say she has? Im sorry she cheated on you, I have no idea what her reasons were, but I don't understand how you can cheat if you truly love someone.

 

I frequently have moments where I wish I could have my ex back but then I try to tell myself all the bad things about our relationship. I try to bring it back to reality. Reality is that she was wrong for me, and hurt me. I need to love myself more than her. You need to do the same, love yourself enough to let her go

[DarrenB]

Happy week and remember:

Walk firmly, without being afraid of stumbling. But pay attention to every step: your movements are being watched by your enemies

 

Love without limits or fear

but keep your sword in a place place where everybody can see

[Logo]

.... I don't understand how you can cheat if you truly love someone.

 

I think she checked out a few weeks or a month before she cheated. At least I'd like to think it happened then. Because if she checked out earlier, then it would be more hurtful.

 

 

I frequently have moments where I wish I could have my ex back but then I try to tell myself all the bad things about our relationship. I try to bring it back to reality. Reality is that she was wrong for me, and hurt me. I need to love myself more than her. You need to do the same, love yourself enough to let her go

 

 

I try to do the same, but sometimes, especially when I miss female companionship or I'm in a somber mood I forget what she said and did.

 

It's then when I try very hard to remind myself what she said and did and it helps. And that brings things back to reality.

 

Time makes it seem like it was all sunshine and roses. But, there were moments when she said and did some really hurtful things.

 

I never dreamt of intentionally hurting her feelings or not respecting her wishes. She apparently had no reservations doing that and it makes it hard to accept the fact that she was so careless with my feelings.

 

I think in the grand scheme of things, her morals and behavior just didn't mesh with mine. Not to sound arrogant, but I was too good for her.

 

Like you said, I need to put a higher value on myself, love myself more, respect myself more.

 

It's strange that a month or two after the breakup, I was looking forward to the future. I had hope. Then things got worse. I felt that I was ready to move on.

 

I started socializing with women, approaching them. But with each rejection, I sunk deeper. Some women can be really nasty and they act as if the guy is asking them for a kidney when he asks for a phone number.

 

They just have no manners. They behave as though they're goddesses. Politely, I used to put those women in their place. But I'm not always in the right mood to do it. Sometimes I just feel in a rut and try to move on from an ugly encounter like that. Or, I try to move on because there is no point in sinking down to some of those womens' level.

Edited May 31, 2017 by Logo

[4x4storm]

Well it's now officially been 5 months since the break up and it's been NC all the way. I still think about her everday but it's no longer the same thoughts.

 

It's my birthday 21st next week and I have nothing planned so will probably spend it alone. But I'm sure my brother will take me out.

 

Will probably jump back into dating after that see how it goes this time .

[Logo]

I'm doing much better today.

 

The nonsense I had to put up with at times during that relationship was a pain in the neck, the lies, the half truths, and the games were not healthy and were not what I wanted out of a healthy relationship.

 

I'm going to try and embrace the future with an open heart and an open mind.

[BG1]

I finally transferred all the pictures of her this week from my phone to the laptop, it was painful... I had to see the pictures from out trips and us happy, and select them one by one... This was 2 days ago, I someone I feel melancholic. Still after more than 3 months sometimes I feel like crying, I have cried while writing this.

 

I'm starting to think that at some point would be good to start a way of communicating with her, once I start seeing other girls. Or maybe I should just leave it and don't contact her again. We were so close, we were everything for each other.

 

I just came back from an amazing trip and I have an exciting summer ahead, I deserve to be well and enjoy myself. I need to find a way that works for me. I'm definitely doing better, I should keep reminding myself what I have achieved in these last few months. New job, improving the house, going to the gym, getting official papers to get a citizenship, travelling, ...

 

Anyone out there hitting the 3 months of NC and can tell how they have done or how are they doing?

My previous relationship, once ended (I finished was was because it was her wanted to finish but didn't want to make the final decision), we kept in touch time to time and after a while, we decided to cut off the communications. Today, we are still in touch and we talk 2 or 3 times a year. Altho the break up was very different this time... this would be very different if she wouldn't screw me and played with my emotions ...

[bananaz3]

I am so not doing well today. I have been alternating between being angry and sad. How can you love someone so much but at the same time hate them? That's how I am feeling today. He was my best friend and love for nearly 20 years.....it is so hard to let it go.

My biggest shame that I've kept a secret is that sometimes I wish we didn't have children together. I love my kids with all my all my heart, they mean the world to me but sometimes I feel like if we didn't have kids then it would be easier to let him go. I wouldn't have to see him everyday still, I could go full no contact and try to move on (though that would still take time) but it wouldn't be like my heart was breaking everyday like it is now. That makes me feel like the most horrible parent in the world. And I would never ever say that to them but I had to let it out. I just want to stop loving him

[Riou]

Have finally released myself from the past relationship after a few years but miss the connection of having someone,loving someone and being loved. Went out with someone and it didn't work out well,sadly finding love isn't as simple as being positive and being worthy of love but takes a great deal of luck too. Miles to go.

[Blastoplast]

I saw my EX with a new man, maybe boyfriend or f*ck-buddy over the weekend. When I talked to her I could see the nervousness in her eyes, and guilt in her face. She claimed she was going to work on herself and focus on her career, and she's hanging with this new man. It hurts more than it should. Some of my friends say "I don't get what you see in her". Maybe I should heed their advice, but when I'm together with her our attraction is electric. There's just something there that will never go away, and it hurts when in my eyes she's settling for some other man when she could have me. UGH!

[BG1]

3 months of completely NC. It feels like a long way and a hard one. I need to remind myself its and important achievement. Down the line, I will decide If I want to get in touch to see if we can be friends or not, but won't get there yet. I think I need more time.

I still miss her, but I feel much better about my life and I'm at peace with myself.

[Phoenician]

still suffering a lot , NC under the same roof !

[Chilli]

There's no need too waste your time reading this, l suspect l'll be rambling and bouncing every which way and probably not making much sense.

But l need to get it out.

Well, 2 days ago , l know now we've finally reached the end of the line.

through this last few mths there was hope.l knew that whenever l was weakening or wanted to go on, she would be too, or feeling negative, she would be too, or really need to crack and just hear her voice or read her words, she would be to and there in my email she would appear and in the exact same frame of mind,

 

but , last week l knew l'd get a different email and we;d both shifted , l felt her as usual and sadly l was right.

she's given up , but not only, also laced with one of her out bursts. only time it wasn't in an out burst, it was calm, but the crazy words and thinking were still the same , just with a little coating of sugar this time, which kinda makes them even worse.

to thin k she is calm and so talking what she actually believes , is sense , well , that's pretty scary, believe me.

they say crazy people never think they're crazy, well l heard that once anyway.

but l think it must be the same for disorders and milder than shear crazy things.

she wasn't crazy , she was brilliant,fun ,so intelligent ,as sexy as fk , more personalty than 10 girls , but she def' does have some issues.

things you can;t deal with, or use logic or everyday communication with , that's just like bouncing a tennis ball offa concrete.

 

lt's not like when you or me say something stupid in anger , we know e did it , we know we were acting like idiots , we know it was childish brain farts.

but some people don;t know that you see, l don;t think they can even see what they do or say.

they say that they can twist things up and distort , but for them it's not a brain fart like us throwing a bit of a tantrum, they actually believe it , it's called black or white,

So you can;t deal with it or logic it or talk about it , it's to them as simple as black or white.

it's their way or the HWY, to them that's how it is no matter how absurd or distorted.

And any attempt at reasoning, is just brushed off like a bit of dust ,

orif it is at least listened to , it's just in total 15o% denial.

k;ve been told that it's actually the partners that end up on the couch , because this stuff can literally drive them a bit crazy and they are the ones that end up doubting their own sanity.

well , l can vouch for that.

and l have to except somehow ,that there is nothing , like nothing , l can do.

lf l was to keep trying l'll probably be setting myself up for the a lifetime of torment , because that's what the stuff they can come out with, does.

and despite our amazing , just amazing , good things , l've also spent way too much of our time in torment too, soooo bad for you. toy feel like your losing the plot yet for them it's just water of a ducks back, it seems like nothing, even just easy for them.

 

l know , most people will think l have lost it and won't know what l'm talking about here, but those that have been through it will know , they'll know exactly what l'm talking about.

 

but , the saddest part is , that l have to lose her and everything we have. l have to give her up, walk away . From that which l know l will never find again now in this lifetime, so so sad, and sucha sucha shame.

It was like every childhood step , every mistake later, 20yrs with ex , the confusion and struggle later, everything , all life , was about leading us to finally meet.

because if one thing through all that happened differently, we wouldn't have.

l sh@t you not , that's how it was,

Once she found this painting of 2 wolves , a male and a female , literally at one, it was like one wolf , but there were two.

That became our painting , our intensity, our insane idiosyncrasies, likenesses, l could wake up and check my phone at 4 in the morng and one second later, she would message. or come in from work, sit down with a coffee , grab my phone, get comfortable , and she would ring.

There were millions of crazy things with us, that the only other girl had even come close to , was ex w.

the passion , intensities , feelings, all just crazy crazy beautiful/

say the same things at once , write whole paragraphs out or nowhere the same , word for word, go to ring each other at 5am at the exact same second, about the exact same thing form the opposite side of the world when she wasn't here,use to happen all the time, and many more so bizarre l won't even bother.

but much much more , personalty , an incredible just shearly into each other, if we were awake we'd be talking, whether she was on the other side of the world , or right here in my bed. yet still there was just never enough, not for her , not for me. insane attraction and all the beautiful insanity that goes with it, surrealness everywhere , from head to toe and inside out and everywhere in between..

 

l know in this life time now ,l'll never have that again. and she won't either. She hadn't found it in 48yrs , but then l came along- what you think after 48yrs , she'll find it again now, you think l will, ha, l wish. yeah , it''d be real nice if this stuff really did just grow on trees like that.

just sad,just really really effg sad.

and the waste ,the damn waste.

 

But even at this cost , they still hear nothing with this thing they can have, total denial, total black and white, there is nothing. no words , no actions , no threats or warnings, yes you even reduce to resorting to those after 12mths of it sometimes, not proud of it but that's how it leaves you, stay away 6mths , talk a day, a wk , love, everything , anything, and then, bamb !!!! out it will come.

lt could even be in the middle of you telling her how much you love her, or with your face buried you know where, no difference, no time is safe, no place , no feeling, anytime anywhere in any moment.

don't ask me how it works, or why, l've tried to figure it out and deal with it and spoken to experts for 15mths.

 

just the shear waste and loss.

Edited June 7, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

and the worst thing is , that they can stop it, save it , it doesn't have to be this way , it doesn't have to be lost and thrown away.

except for one problem , as far as l can understand, they don't think they've done anything wrong , it's that black and white thing.

as far as l can understand, they actually believe the stuff they say and do.

l don;t even know if they can actually register or comprehend what it actually does to the relationship and the partner.

 

she did acknowledge that she had patience issues but that wasn;t really the damaging part anyway.

But she never once , ever , acknowledged she had a temper problem and a fuse that would go off like dynamite because it was about 100th of a normal persons tolerance before they'd lose it.

Edited June 7, 2017 by Chilli

[DarrenB]

“So, I must be taken as I have been made.

The success is not mine,

the failure is not mine,

but the two together make me.”

 

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

[Chilli]

l just want to clarify something here because a friend said something and l think l've given the wrong impression.

l broke up with gf , 4 or 5 times as a matter of fact, and we were still broken up from the last time when we had our last encounter.

But it wasn't something l wanted, l still loved her , the crazy just got too much,it was absolute last resort and just as heartbreaking as if she had of done it.

every time, every time, l hoped like all hell that it would only be temporary and that walking away would shake her up enough to snap her out of her crap because nothing else got through.

 

but that doesn't mean it was any easier, you try walking away from someone you love because you just dunno what else to damn well do.

This time we'd been apart nearly 2mths but still in touch a little and l hoped with all my heart the time would snap her out of things, help her see.. and everytime l got an email or a kik , l prayed for some acknowledgment from her that she did do damaging things to us.

But there was never any.

Among her crazy in our last talk , she even still wanted to come over, she still wanted to hug , but it was too much. it was like a blend of madness and affection all in one.

But like l say , when you love somebody, well.

[4x4storm]

Well this will be my last post on this thread but I seen her today. I'm moving to a new area and I went to the shopping center which is like the hub for everyone to hang out. No sooner as I walked through the doors there she was I was shocked she gained a ton of weight!! She seen me and instantly shoved her head into a shopping bag and tried looking for something we both walked right past each other.

 

I've had so much anxiety going back to that place since the breakup because I knew she lived right around the corner from the shopping center so this was gonna happen sooner or later.

 

All I can say is the the drive home was amazing what I discovered was I still love her I've tried bringing myself to hate her for treating me so poorly but I just can't but you know what ?? that's ok

 

I feel like all the stress on my shoulders just lifted today I haven't felt this way in a very long time.

Edited June 11, 2017 by 4x4storm

[sarahssarah]

There's no need too waste your time reading this, l suspect l'll be rambling and bouncing every which way and probably not making much sense.

But l need to get it out.

Well, 2 days ago , l know now we've finally reached the end of the line.

through this last few mths there was hope.l knew that whenever l was weakening or wanted to go on, she would be too, or feeling negative, she would be too, or really need to crack and just hear her voice or read her words, she would be to and there in my email she would appear and in the exact same frame of mind,

 

but , last week l knew l'd get a different email and we;d both shifted , l felt her as usual and sadly l was right.

she's given up , but not only, also laced with one of her out bursts. only time it wasn't in an out burst, it was calm, but the crazy words and thinking were still the same , just with a little coating of sugar this time, which kinda makes them even worse.

to thin k she is calm and so talking what she actually believes , is sense , well , that's pretty scary, believe me.

they say crazy people never think they're crazy, well l heard that once anyway.

but l think it must be the same for disorders and milder than shear crazy things.

she wasn't crazy , she was brilliant,fun ,so intelligent ,as sexy as fk , more personalty than 10 girls , but she def' does have some issues.

things you can;t deal with, or use logic or everyday communication with , that's just like bouncing a tennis ball offa concrete.

 

lt's not like when you or me say something stupid in anger , we know e did it , we know we were acting like idiots , we know it was childish brain farts.

but some people don;t know that you see, l don;t think they can even see what they do or say.

they say that they can twist things up and distort , but for them it's not a brain fart like us throwing a bit of a tantrum, they actually believe it , it's called black or white,

So you can;t deal with it or logic it or talk about it , it's to them as simple as black or white.

it's their way or the HWY, to them that's how it is no matter how absurd or distorted.

And any attempt at reasoning, is just brushed off like a bit of dust ,

orif it is at least listened to , it's just in total 15o% denial.

k;ve been told that it's actually the partners that end up on the couch , because this stuff can literally drive them a bit crazy and they are the ones that end up doubting their own sanity.

well , l can vouch for that.

and l have to except somehow ,that there is nothing , like nothing , l can do.

lf l was to keep trying l'll probably be setting myself up for the a lifetime of torment , because that's what the stuff they can come out with, does.

and despite our amazing , just amazing , good things , l've also spent way too much of our time in torment too, soooo bad for you. toy feel like your losing the plot yet for them it's just water of a ducks back, it seems like nothing, even just easy for them.

 

l know , most people will think l have lost it and won't know what l'm talking about here, but those that have been through it will know , they'll know exactly what l'm talking about.

 

but , the saddest part is , that l have to lose her and everything we have. l have to give her up, walk away . From that which l know l will never find again now in this lifetime, so so sad, and sucha sucha shame.

It was like every childhood step , every mistake later, 20yrs with ex , the confusion and struggle later, everything , all life , was about leading us to finally meet.

because if one thing through all that happened differently, we wouldn't have.

l sh@t you not , that's how it was,

Once she found this painting of 2 wolves , a male and a female , literally at one, it was like one wolf , but there were two.

That became our painting , our intensity, our insane idiosyncrasies, likenesses, l could wake up and check my phone at 4 in the morng and one second later, she would message. or come in from work, sit down with a coffee , grab my phone, get comfortable , and she would ring.

There were millions of crazy things with us, that the only other girl had even come close to , was ex w.

the passion , intensities , feelings, all just crazy crazy beautiful/

say the same things at once , write whole paragraphs out or nowhere the same , word for word, go to ring each other at 5am at the exact same second, about the exact same thing form the opposite side of the world when she wasn't here,use to happen all the time, and many more so bizarre l won't even bother.

but much much more , personalty , an incredible just shearly into each other, if we were awake we'd be talking, whether she was on the other side of the world , or right here in my bed. yet still there was just never enough, not for her , not for me. insane attraction and all the beautiful insanity that goes with it, surrealness everywhere , from head to toe and inside out and everywhere in between..

 

l know in this life time now ,l'll never have that again. and she won't either. She hadn't found it in 48yrs , but then l came along- what you think after 48yrs , she'll find it again now, you think l will, ha, l wish. yeah , it''d be real nice if this stuff really did just grow on trees like that.

just sad,just really really effg sad.

and the waste ,the damn waste.

 

But even at this cost , they still hear nothing with this thing they can have, total denial, total black and white, there is nothing. no words , no actions , no threats or warnings, yes you even reduce to resorting to those after 12mths of it sometimes, not proud of it but that's how it leaves you, stay away 6mths , talk a day, a wk , love, everything , anything, and then, bamb !!!! out it will come.

lt could even be in the middle of you telling her how much you love her, or with your face buried you know where, no difference, no time is safe, no place , no feeling, anytime anywhere in any moment.

don't ask me how it works, or why, l've tried to figure it out and deal with it and spoken to experts for 15mths.

 

just the shear waste and loss.

 

Actually I understand how you feel because I feel the sameeee way right now.

Dealing with someone like our ex/spouse is hard because like you said.. it's their way or the high way. If you kiss A** and let them continue to manipulate and run over you.. they will happily do it with a smile.

 

My husband will literally drive me crazy if I let him because he's always lying, acting like the victim and just in denial... totally unreasonable & controlling. That's why NC is good.. sometimes the person who is unreasonable can have some time to think and snap back to reality... sometimes they don't and they would rather stay in the world that they've created in their mind.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I feel your pain. It's the worst feeling I've ever experienced as well.. your other half not being your other half anymore. I believe that there is hope for something just as good or better. Although we don't see it right now. I have faith even though I can't see it or feel it right now...& you have to too. You will get through this pain!

[Chilli]

Thanks for that your a good hearted women.00, and l really hope he wakes up to himself before he loses you completely.

l'm hoping it's just a faze with him right now, or has he always been like that ?

Somerimes people just get sick of being married for awhile , yknow, marriage is hard. l went through something similar and there's a chance he may turn once he's got it out of he's system.

 

gf, ahh , l'm afraid there's not much l can do with that . It seems and God knows l've been told enough, that it's more just in her personality troubles and they'll probably never change.

But l'm hoping it's different for your H and you guys.

Good luck and hang in there eh.

[penelopeanne]

deactivated social media and took instagram off phone, hoping to find healthier habits and activities.

i was doing some creeping and that was just no good for me.

so easy to do when things were left the way they were.