sorano Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 when I grew up, I was given a set of rules to live by. I am starting to think that a lot of people were never given these rules. This sunday evening, my mind......equals blown. Bewildered. confused. shocked. Lost.
Chilli Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 (edited) Ahh, rules are made to be broken , that's the part l love, good at it too And yeah stop beating yourselves up about contact or no contact bs. Better to have tried and to know or to have said what you wanted to say than to spend the next 10yrs wondering and getting nowhere. The way l look at it, Nc is just a bloody game , nothing gets said or sorted and both just try to out stubborn each other until one of them gets fed up with it and snapped up by someone else. Married people wouldn't last 5yrs if they went NC longer than a few days. lt was only when we stopped any real contact that we fell apart., befor that we always worked **** out but stopping talking ruined us. Edited May 22, 2017 by Chilli 1
Inya Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Today is hard. It's raining again. In days like this I wish for a mind eraser. But then I don't want to forget him, I want to remember always, but without pain. Anguish is a killer. I don't know what my heart can't understand. My heart is one annoying son of b***h. Can I please get another one? 1
Chilli Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I'm coping a little better than I was yesterday. A few days ago my husband who is living with his mistress for a month Left my house and went back to her house randomly. Ignored my phone calls and everything. It's been a few days It's like I'm starting over again .. when he came back for 2 days I really thought We would come together and be fine ... but look what happened. We argued and he used that as a reason to jet. Yesterday I had to call in from work.. I was literally crying all day .. Today I cried once and I'm just trying to push myself to do little things here and there. I feel a little empty.. like nothing i do really makes me feel better. I just try not to think about him and our situation but it's impossible. I feel like he was going to try .. but he still wants to have her to go back to. Of course I can't have that so I'm doing "no contact" and trying to move on. If he really wants to reconcile one day in the near future , I would consider it if he was actually remorseful and 100% sure. But for now I'm pretty sure he's sick of me and is moving on with his Life so I must do the same. It just sucks bc he was one thing in my life that made me happy about life obviously .. I hate my job.. my kid is from him .. I'm currently pregnant by him.. so it's just hard. Hey hey but maybe not , remember most green grass turns brown and dies sooner or later. Then you get to do the choosing
Chilli Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 (edited) Today is hard. It's raining again. In days like this I wish for a mind eraser. But then I don't want to forget him, I want to remember always, but without pain. Anguish is a killer. I don't know what my heart can't understand. My heart is one annoying son of b***h. Can I please get another one? Ahh sheee, sorry it's a tough one, mine too.Started raining here too so at least l get to try my new fire after all , even though it's not actually that cold this week it is miserable enough for a fire so it's up and running, eeeh haaaa. Edited May 22, 2017 by Chilli 1
Inya Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 sarahssarah I admire your rational coping, your dignity and strength. I feel kind of ashamed of yawning and ranting and feeling sorry for myself because I can't possibly compare my suferring to yours or many others. First two weeks I was on a survival mode, not capable of doing anything but survive through the day... When you get out of shock, keeping no contact, things get much worse before they get better. Stay strong. 2
Chilli Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 (edited) Yeah l agree.You know, you broke some nc , so what forget it but now, yeah, it would be best now to leave him to it., He made his bed and he's the one that has to figure all that out from here. Good luck and hang in there eh and try to give it some time. . Edited May 22, 2017 by Chilli
metrognome Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Today is one of those horrible days where all you can focus on is your role in the breakup. The things you did that drove him away. & it reverses all the hard work you've put in to stop beating yourself up about it and remember the things he did wrong. One of those 'if only I hadn't done this' days... I'm also finding that as time goes on I'm remembering more of the breakup conversation. Like for the first few weeks my body was trying to protect itself so the actual conversation became a blur. But now I can remember bits and pieces of what was said. One thing that's giving me trouble today is him saying he wanted freedom. It's giving me a sick feeling in my stomach. I never wanted to be one of those people who made their boyfriend think they didn't have any freedom. I didn't realise I was doing that. I feel disgusted at myself... 1
Jagged100 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Today is one of those horrible days where all you can focus on is your role in the breakup. The things you did that drove him away. & it reverses all the hard work you've put in to stop beating yourself up about it and remember the things he did wrong. One of those 'if only I hadn't done this' days... I'm also finding that as time goes on I'm remembering more of the breakup conversation. Like for the first few weeks my body was trying to protect itself so the actual conversation became a blur. But now I can remember bits and pieces of what was said. One thing that's giving me trouble today is him saying he wanted freedom. It's giving me a sick feeling in my stomach. I never wanted to be one of those people who made their boyfriend think they didn't have any freedom. I didn't realise I was doing that. I feel disgusted at myself... I think we all go through it, I still do it after almost 2 years now. I'm not sure it goes away but it's helpful to learn from your mistakes. That said I feel totally messed up so maybe I shouldn't really give out advice
metrognome Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I think we all go through it, I still do it after almost 2 years now. I'm not sure it goes away but it's helpful to learn from your mistakes. That said I feel totally messed up so maybe I shouldn't really give out advice The prospect of still having these thoughts 2 years from now terrifies me! I wish someone could just give me a timeline of the next few years and how it's going to pan out so I don't have to keep waking up every morning wondering when this is all going to end & if I'll ever be happy again 1
Jagged100 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 The prospect of still having these thoughts 2 years from now terrifies me! I wish someone could just give me a timeline of the next few years and how it's going to pan out so I don't have to keep waking up every morning wondering when this is all going to end & if I'll ever be happy again I wish it worked that way. I'm not saying that I'm never happy but there are times when I will replay stuff over and over in my head. Everyone tells me it will be fine and I know it will eventually but till then it's hard work
metrognome Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I wish it worked that way. I'm not saying that I'm never happy but there are times when I will replay stuff over and over in my head. Everyone tells me it will be fine and I know it will eventually but till then it's hard work Yeah that's the thing. Logic & education means we know technically it WILL be okay in the end, but emotions take control and hurt us because we're trying to get there but haven't made it yet. I think we are our worst enemies in these situations
Jagged100 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Yeah that's the thing. Logic & education means we know technically it WILL be okay in the end, but emotions take control and hurt us because we're trying to get there but haven't made it yet. I think we are our worst enemies in these situations I'm in total agreement with you there, we are the ones driving ourselves crazy. My ex is happy and settled. Me? I'm still questioning all my choices 1
Chilli Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 (edited) l think a lot of that is because some of us just love much deeper than others. So for some of us , this stuff runs very very deep and we do not let it go lightly. Where as others, they just seem to be over it and onward, hate to use the word but they're just shallower, what they think is love is shallower . Edited May 22, 2017 by Chilli 6
metrognome Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Terrorist attack in my city tonight. Puts my suffering into perspective... Love is so important. It really makes the world go round. I will never stop being the fierce believer in love that I am 4
Jagged100 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Terrorist attack in my city tonight. Puts my suffering into perspective... Love is so important. It really makes the world go round. I will never stop being the fierce believer in love that I am Sending love to you and those affected. I'll never understand why people choose to hate when love comes so much easier. 4
bananaz3 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I am so mad and angry today! I feel like since he walked out I am stuck to deal with everything on my own! The house, the kids bickering all the time, kids talking back or not helping out when I need it. (They are 18, 15 and 9). Why do I get left to deal with it all on my own when it wasn't my choice to be alone! Some days I really think I am not cut out to be a single parent! I don't know if I can do it. It's days like this that make it easy to almost hate him, though I am still in love with him. Also when will that stop? If I could stop loving him maybe it would all be easier.
Jagged100 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I am so mad and angry today! I feel like since he walked out I am stuck to deal with everything on my own! The house, the kids bickering all the time, kids talking back or not helping out when I need it. (They are 18, 15 and 9). Why do I get left to deal with it all on my own when it wasn't my choice to be alone! Some days I really think I am not cut out to be a single parent! I don't know if I can do it. It's days like this that make it easy to almost hate him, though I am still in love with him. Also when will that stop? If I could stop loving him maybe it would all be easier. I wish there was a magic pill that you could take to stop loving someone but unfortunately we can't choose who we love. Your life sounds hard right now and you have every right to be frustrated. Take it day by day and maybe have a chat with your kids. They're old enough to understand what's happened and need to step up and help. If possible try to find an outlet for all this frustration, and I hope that you'll be okay. 3
divegrl Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Metrognome Praying for you and your city. Yes LOVE is all that matters. 2
Inya Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I woke up at 2am. My eyes are incredible, they think the second they open their job is to leek. They dont care about the time. Wtf is wrong with me? I feel like I'm under a spell acting like an idiot waiting to be unspelled. I can't understand how can I feel something so powerful, dying over a guy (no offence please I'm in pain). And here we go again...trying to find an explanation, a reason, anything... loneliness, confusion, lust, addiction, obsession, anything else would be easier but love. I need to put myself together, even if not for me, I need to. I'm so angry at myself (and the whole world) for being this way. I passionately show myself a middle finger whenever I see my pathetic excuse for myself in the mirror. I thought I've already hit the bottom, not so shure... I hope that was english... 1
bananaz3 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I woke up at 2am. My eyes are incredible, they think the second they open their job is to leek. They dont care about the time. Wtf is wrong with me? I feel like I'm under a spell acting like an idiot waiting to be unspelled. I can't understand how can I feel something so powerful, dying over a guy (no offence please I'm in pain). And here we go again...trying to find an explanation, a reason, anything... loneliness, confusion, lust, addiction, obsession, anything else would be easier but love. I need to put myself together, even if not for me, I need to. I'm so angry at myself (and the whole world) for being this way. I passionately show myself a middle finger whenever I see my pathetic excuse for myself in the mirror. I thought I've already hit the bottom, not so shure... I hope that was english... I feel your pain and get what you are saying. Here I am awake and I once again can't stop the tears from falling. And I have to drag my sorry butt out of bed in a few hours for work. I hate this dumb roller coaster of feelings. I was so mad earlier and now I can't stop crying. Makes me so angry that I feel like I am so pathetic. When will this cycle stop? Hope you can get some sleep. 1
Chilli Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 l'm starting to wonder , and doubt myself. Was it what l ended up deciding it was, really, trying to protect myself right through ? l've thought many times that maybe it was me that actually created that, or was it really problems within her ? She didn't write yesterday, like l thought she would.. l know what that means and why she didn't , l know why she didn't write more.and it's nothing to do with NC. But she'll be expecting one from me and l know she'll be waiting to hear my thoughts. She won't answer , def' not straight away, anyway, if l did, but instead she;ll think, and think , and dissect every letter. Not in a bad way just in a piecing things together more way, For somebody with.a pretty short fuse and that often blurts sh@t out of the top of her head, there are times and ways on the other hand where she's dead opposite, and she will think, and think , and think some more , before she answers, and she'll try to get it exactly, exactly right , because she won't wanna say something the wrong way, she'll wanna get it exactly right. But she knows it doesn't matter , because she knows l know how she ticks , and that l'll know she's thinking. 1
DarrenB Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 “ Stop thinking all the time that you're bothering the person next to you. If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem” ― Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die 2
Gillys Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 My ex had made me a playlist on spotify while we were together. I never unfollowed the list because it had over 150 songs that I really liked (perfect for long road trips). Naturally she stopped adding songs to it after she started dating someone else last year so I didn't really find a need to unfollow it plus and I didn't listen to music much for months after the BU. Anyway, I just noticed she is starting to add songs to the playlist again. Songs from an artist that she knows I went to see in concert recently with some mutual friends (I'm sure they posted photos somewhere online). Nonetheless, I find the whole thing kind of odd considering we haven't spoken in 6 months as she told me she didn't want to speak to me ever again once she moved to live near her new bf. I feel like I'm getting breadcrumbed through spotify.
Inya Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Hi guys This morning I feel better than yesterday, yes I already cried... Some people has methodological approaches and magic heartbreak recovery manuals. I find them pretty amusing (or a big joke). Get rid of things that reminds you of him – Yeah, I can get rid of my brain… Focus on the things you have – everything I have worth s**t if I don’t have him. Make a new playlist - music is my emotional valve. Listening to any music I like would be my funeral. And I can do without s***y music. Eat well – somethimes I can't even think of swallowing food, it makes me sick. Why obligate my body to deal with things it doesn’t want to? I will not die of hunger. Spoile yourself – sorry, I don’t think I deserve it. Think how your life will be better – wtf??? I have to distract my brain. I will try to learn a new language, similar to my own, not too difficult. We'll see how long will that work. But first thing first...going for a walk... Still angry and pathetic Chilli don't eat yourself up, how's your fireplace working?
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