realfriends Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Im at 65 days NC. I think the same thing. Why hasn't HE broke down and contacted me? Is he thinking of me? Did he miss me at the Holidays like I did him? Does he cry at night while he's alone? So many questions about him. I wish my brain would just turn all those thoughts off. You know, the reality is starting to sink in slowly but surely. Im never going to hear from her again. She was over me and still is. I just don't want to believe it. Actually had an urge in class today to contact her. 2 months of NC and I'm starting to miss her. I tell myself how stupid that is. How no good can come of it. You will just make yourself look like a piece of **** whose weak. You are not weak. You are better than this. You will persevere. 1
AnyaNova Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I have not vitamin crashed this badly since before I started the shots. My eyes aren't yellow or even tingeing that way yet, but I wonder how long it will be. The peripheral neuropathy is back. The cognitive impairment is back majorly. I try to move around in my own heads and I can't. My friend asked me today to come up with three of my own reasons why my ex was idiot to let me go and three faults of his (to knock him off the stupid B vitamin crashing pedestal he gets placed on), and I couldn't. I literally couldn't articulate anything. No words. Just blank space in my head. It doesn't even feel good. And of course the mood symptoms. And I would go in for a walk in now in a heartbeat if it weren't for the mood symptoms. But if I go now, it doesn't matter that all psychiatric medication either kicks me up into a pseudo manic because I have plenty of serotonin, or knocks me out to the point where I can't wake up enough to eat or drink, because it is fundamentally not what I need. Nope. If I go in now, being a woman and not being able to stop crying, you know what I'd get. A psychiatric med and diagnosis (even though a Psychiatrist has cleared me of depression and bipolar) and though it is true I can look like an anxiety patient without enough B vitamins, when I have enough I am clealry not. That is all I would get. I highly doubt they would even listen to me or test my B vitamins. And I don't know what to do. I apologize to everyone for the over-posting and long rants about vitamins. Because of my gluten intolerance, I've been living life without enough since I can remember, and I can't pinpoint when I slipped into true deficiency, and probably my issues absorbing other things like calcium and magnesium play into it and make it worse. If it helps at all, I feel truly awful right now. I can't think of a good solution to the problem (which is likely to recur tomorrow as well) and right now it feels like there is no way out. 1
JDPT Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Hang in there, we are all fighting. You are dealing with you vitamin deficiency and I with my fracture. I always like to say to myself, "hey, it could be better, it could be worse..." but at the end of the day we are were we are supposed to be. Worry about today, worry about right now and tackle tomorrow as it comes always with the outlook of making it a better one. Be strong we are all here with you. 1
H245 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Absolutely- I'm really taking this time to rest and fully heal. We should be good to go to NYC. It can certainly be frustrating at times but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I need to take it easy and let my legs heal and in due time I'll be back at the gym. I work in NYC! 1
vieillot Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 After a month I blocked her on facebook, twitter ,skype . I feel relaxed
JDPT Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I work in NYC! Great to know another member from the northern region. 1
fofiffs Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Wow I can't believe it'll be almost 5 years ago that my break up lead me to this forum. Been NC for 4 years straight. That first year of the break up was the toughest time of my life. But as time passed all that pain drifted away. I'm at that point where i'm completely indifferent towards the ex. I see her as nothing more than someone you would walk by on a street. But for all you newly heart broken ones out there, my only advice is to take it day by day, and be strong it'll get better.
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Hang in there, we are all fighting. You are dealing with you vitamin deficiency and I with my fracture. I always like to say to myself, "hey, it could be better, it could be worse..." but at the end of the day we are were we are supposed to be. Worry about today, worry about right now and tackle tomorrow as it comes always with the outlook of making it a better one. Be strong we are all here with you. Thank you! I needed this. I have supplemented some b12 and b complex orally. I still can't think my way out of a paper sack, but at least the mood symptoms have abated awhile. As well as my longing for the "candy bar" which of course, by candy bar, I don't mean candy bar. Two fractured tibias. that has to be painful! Are they stress fractures or did you fall during a workout?
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Stuck at home tonight...I really wanted to go out but my guy friends are no where to be found. Was going to hang out with some female friends, but my ex is with them tonight literally around the block from me at the bar. I am feeling super anxious and confined to my place and I hate this feeling.
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Stuck at home tonight...I really wanted to go out but my guy friends are no where to be found. Was going to hang out with some female friends, but my ex is with them tonight literally around the block from me at the bar. I am feeling super anxious and confined to my place and I hate this feeling. Get out. Go to the gym or movie. Go for a walk 1
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's too cold for a walk! Brrrr! I have zero motivation to work out tonight and there's no movie I want to go see right now Sigh, I feel pretty pathetic right now
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's too cold for a walk! Brrrr! I have zero motivation to work out tonight and there's no movie I want to go see right now Sigh, I feel pretty pathetic right now So in home self care. Do you do yoga and or have a yoga mat? Light a candle and meditate? Do a lovingkindness meditation? Watch a favorite movie or television show in the blissful dark? Drink tea? Write a poem? Draw a picture? Read a book? Take charge now. And choose some activities for yourself, so that you get out of the passive and trapped mindset. Choose something, however, that will build you up and make you more you (instead of drinking, or overeating, or anything like that!) What I had to remind myself a lot, is that I had to take care of myself and make me happy and do what I wanted to, and take care of myself emotionally, because my ex certainly wasn't safeguarding me emotionally. 1
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Going to do a walk-in and see if I can arrange a b12 shot at least until I can get into my doctor on Wednesday. So I never have to go to that salon again. So this should be the last time I lose so much time to this for quite awhile! I pray. I posted that third thing. That last thing that I was going to write on the ex thread. Even months down the line I am still finding microscopic threads of hope that I have had to sever. But I think now I get it. He's never coming back. He really doesn't care about me. He probably hasn't thought of me in along time. Perhaps he's found someone new and wonderful and wonders why he was ever with me. It is really goodbye. Completely and utterly. There will be no answers. I will never find out the why of the sweetest and most unintentionally administered jedi mind ****s of the century. It really is over.
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 So in home self care. Do you do yoga and or have a yoga mat? Light a candle and meditate? Do a lovingkindness meditation? Watch a favorite movie or television show in the blissful dark? Drink tea? Write a poem? Draw a picture? Read a book? Take charge now. And choose some activities for yourself, so that you get out of the passive and trapped mindset. Choose something, however, that will build you up and make you more you (instead of drinking, or overeating, or anything like that!) What I had to remind myself a lot, is that I had to take care of myself and make me happy and do what I wanted to, and take care of myself emotionally, because my ex certainly wasn't safeguarding me emotionally. I guess I just don't want to be alone. I am lacking motivation to do anything at home especially when she lived here for a few months and moved out not even a month ago before BU.
JDPT Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Thank you! I needed this. I have supplemented some b12 and b complex orally. I still can't think my way out of a paper sack, but at least the mood symptoms have abated awhile. As well as my longing for the "candy bar" which of course, by candy bar, I don't mean candy bar. Two fractured tibias. that has to be painful! Are they stress fractures or did you fall during a workout? It's considered a subchondral insufficiency fracture on both upper tibias, yes stress fractures. There isn't anything I can do at this point but stay off my legs as much as I possibly can which can be very irritating at times. I used to be an avid runner roughly 3 years ago. I used to run 4 miles M-F then got lazy and stopped. About two months in an attempt at reintroducing myself to running I went to quick, too hard which ultimately lead to the stress fractures. I can walk around, if you see me walking it may come across as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with me but I'm in pain nonetheless. I've been trying my best to stay off my legs and using crutches in order to minimize weight bearing. I'm going to do two 20 minute sessions with the exogen 4000 which is a bone stimulator for fractures in hopes of accelerating my healing. Sounds like a good idea so supplement orally, I'm not certain how much of B vitamins a human body requires to be within range. I tend to be my own health advocate and bypass doctors which may not be a good idea at times but it's been working out.
JDPT Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's too cold for a walk! Brrrr! I have zero motivation to work out tonight and there's no movie I want to go see right now Sigh, I feel pretty pathetic right now I just got back from seeing, Devil's due, it was OK. And yes I can certainly agree with how ridiculously cold it is out there. The walk from the theater to my car on crutches doing a 4 point was excruciating.
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's too cold for a walk! Brrrr! I have zero motivation to work out tonight and there's no movie I want to go see right now Sigh, I feel pretty pathetic right now Try going through a breakup on house arrest. (I screwed up over 2.5 years ago in college and things finally fell through now). But yeah, not being able to go out and change environments, hang out with friends or go to a bar just to even look at other women sucks. Take advantage of it man. Go sarge and get out and enjoy it. Have a beer for me haha. I guess I just don't want to be alone. I am lacking motivation to do anything at home especially when she lived here for a few months and moved out not even a month ago before BU. This is the exact reason you MUST get out. too many memories there now, its all negative. you have to get out of that. 1
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's too cold for a walk! Brrrr! I have zero motivation to work out tonight and there's no movie I want to go see right now Sigh, I feel pretty pathetic right now Go to the store. Anything...get out and around others 1
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I might just watch TV shows on my DVR or play video games...I don't want to go to same bar for the 3rd night this week on my own.
AnyaNova Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 It's considered a subchondral insufficiency fracture on both upper tibias, yes stress fractures. There isn't anything I can do at this point but stay off my legs as much as I possibly can which can be very irritating at times. I used to be an avid runner roughly 3 years ago. I used to run 4 miles M-F then got lazy and stopped. About two months in an attempt at reintroducing myself to running I went to quick, too hard which ultimately lead to the stress fractures. I can walk around, if you see me walking it may come across as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with me but I'm in pain nonetheless. I've been trying my best to stay off my legs and using crutches in order to minimize weight bearing. I'm going to do two 20 minute sessions with the exogen 4000 which is a bone stimulator for fractures in hopes of accelerating my healing. Sounds like a good idea so supplement orally, I'm not certain how much of B vitamins a human body requires to be within range. I tend to be my own health advocate and bypass doctors which may not be a good idea at times but it's been working out. One good B complex should be fine if you have no severe digestive issues causing all or most of your cilia in the area said vitamin is digested in to be burnt out with maybe two or three clinging on for dear life... You know. If I had listened to my doctor and followed his advice completely, I would be dead. I would have continued eating gluten. My electrolytes would have fallen too low and supplementation would have failed because of the gluten. When I stopped eating gluten, my magnesium levels were terribly close to 1.00 despite taking four supplements a day. And they were dropping steadily. I won't even get into what my phosphorous levels were doing. Anyway, I have learned that sometimes you have to do your own research and sometimes seek (carefully and intelligently) your own treatment. And second opinions are always good. It is a second opinion that saved my life. I am sorry about the fractures. I can't even imagine crutches in this awful cold!!! Take care of yourself.
L1ght Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Wow I can't believe it'll be almost 5 years ago that my break up lead me to this forum. Been NC for 4 years straight. That first year of the break up was the toughest time of my life. But as time passed all that pain drifted away. I'm at that point where i'm completely indifferent towards the ex. I see her as nothing more than someone you would walk by on a street. But for all you newly heart broken ones out there, my only advice is to take it day by day, and be strong it'll get better. I'm like you, totally over it and completely indifferent. I find that I have less and less in common with the heartbroken people here so I don't really know how to relate or what to write any more. Think its time I quit LS and focus my energies on other things.
iouaname Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I broke down tonight and looked at his social media. I'm not sure why, I guess it was impulsive and just to see if the things he was going around bragging about were true. Looks like they might have been, don't know. I'm trying not to care. I'm just tired of feeling down because of him
H245 Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I broke down tonight and looked at his social media. I'm not sure why, I guess it was impulsive and just to see if the things he was going around bragging about were true. Looks like they might have been, don't know. I'm trying not to care. I'm just tired of feeling down because of him I keep getting the urge to do the same, but a friend of mine earlier tonight said my ex tagged her and some mutual friends at bar having a blast. Made me realize blocking her was worth it. Still really hurts though 1
Haydn Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 In your corner! Please get rid of the social media! It will help. Here if you want to lean. (Made of steel and stone cold sober) Take care. Haydn I broke down tonight and looked at his social media. I'm not sure why, I guess it was impulsive and just to see if the things he was going around bragging about were true. Looks like they might have been, don't know. I'm trying not to care. I'm just tired of feeling down because of him 1
iouaname Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 In your corner! Please get rid of the social media! It will help. Here if you want to lean. (Made of steel and stone cold sober) Take care. Haydn I've gotten rid of it, I just sometimes break and look him up. I guess I'm not as strong as I'd like to be!
Recommended Posts