How are you coping today?

May 10, 2017

I'm daydreaming...
We live in this small old house with stone facade, surrounded by trees and potted plants. We take long walks around the countryside every day. He loves my cooking and I spoil him so much. He is the most loving and caring men on the planet. In the evening we have long talks in bed, we gaze into each others eyes...then we kiss...

can I be more pathetic...but I feel a little better...for now

But hey , it's a beautiful daydream

May 10, 2017

I'm daydreaming...
We live in this small old house with stone facade, surrounded by trees and potted plants. We take long walks around the countryside every day. He loves my cooking and I spoil him so much. He is the most loving and caring men on the planet. In the evening we have long talks in bed, we gaze into each others eyes...then we kiss...

But you know, when these types of things actually happen, is it just the most wonderful thing. I mean it really is.

And if you don't think it can happen more than once, I am here to say that it can. New GF and I are just like this in so many ways it is wonderful. I hope it lasts for ever but if not it sure is great now...

May 10, 2017

I don't care if I ever enter into another long term relationship.

All I want is peace of mind and acceptance. Dating a new woman seems much easier at this point. I'm in constant mental turmoil, I can't stop thinking about the divorce. Self esteem is lower than dirt, I have so much guilt, I'm scared for my kids, I'm sad I can't be with them. A future in which I have to constantly swap the kids out with my ex wife who seems to hate me, and where she is constantly coming after me for an unfair amount of child support - it seems like a nightmare.

May 10, 2017

I'm currently sitting in a muskoka chair at a provincial park watching my students run around, sipping on a hot mocha. The sun is out, the lake is calm...it's beautiful and just what I need right now. Three days of sun and fresh air.

May 10, 2017

you give your heart a little too soon and too easily. They can sense that and will jump on the offer.

Just thoughts.

Accurate thoughts right there.

May 10, 2017

I don't care if I ever enter into another long term relationship.

All I want is peace of mind and acceptance. Dating a new woman seems much easier at this point. I'm in constant mental turmoil, I can't stop thinking about the divorce. Self esteem is lower than dirt, I have so much guilt, I'm scared for my kids, I'm sad I can't be with them. A future in which I have to constantly swap the kids out with my ex wife who seems to hate me, and where she is constantly coming after me for an unfair amount of child support - it seems like a nightmare.

Oh God brother , l am so so sorry your going through this. Thank God that is all over for me and my daughter and me have somehow , somehow, found our new normal. But the sick l felt, gut wrenching , back when , , well , you know about it.

lf there's one thing l could say , it'd be try to stay on good terms with your ex, try not to let any hate or spite or fighting get in, so that you can still work together for your kids , and not make this even harder on them and you,

lf possible try to stay in the area, 15 20 mins max. It makes a massive massive difference. And if things are good with ex then they can come and go and you can pick them up any time and run them home from school and all sorts of things and they can ring you you anytime , what you up to dad ,come and get me if you got time and text back and forth and you can be in touch all the time when your not together . That's how my d and l are.It helped her so so much , and me too. And it kept all the ugly out of this for her and for me too.

There's a forum called the heros spouse. It's mainly about the ex mid lifing , mlc' g. But it's also fantastic support and caring . That place and the people there got me through. Check that one out.

Good luck my friend.

Edited May 10, 2017 by Chilli

May 11, 2017

My brain has been going over every little detail in the last 3 days. I feel like an engine with no grease. I feel exhausted. I want my mind to rest, but I can't stop the thoughts, even when I'm busy doing other things, the thoughts are still there in the back of my head.

It's as though I'm in the 3rd or 4th week after breakup. But it's been a few months now.

I'm exhausted.

When I start to miss her, I remind myself how cruel she was. Then I start to get angry and that helps me overcome the sadness, but then I'm consumed with disappointment.

May 11, 2017

But you know, when these types of things actually happen, is it just the most wonderful thing. I mean it really is.

And if you don't think it can happen more than once, I am here to say that it can. New GF and I are just like this in so many ways it is wonderful. I hope it lasts for ever but if not it sure is great now...

I am very happy for you and I know it can happen...but...

If I ever again get these "funny" feelings around a man I will run like hell as far as posibble.

May 11, 2017

......deleted.......

Edited May 11, 2017 by MeadowFlower

May 11, 2017

I have made mistakes early on in the relationship, mistakes that I regret. I have learned from them, but it's too late now.

That she cheated, had nothing to do with those mistakes. I know that for a fact because it happened before.

So I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself for that.

May 11, 2017

Yeah , what's really getting to me is that l can't quite piece what happened in our last few days together.
l can't quite remember what actually lead to that blowup and her saying the things she said .
l can't piece it all together , so that l can figure out if this is right or wrong , who was right or wrong , or if l am throwing it away when in fact l could very well have been in as much wrong myself.
There are things l do know , she shouldn't have kept doing this or saying that, but l'm also realizing that she might've been far far more ahead in her thinking than l realized and far far clearer than me . She did have that kind of intelligence , a very very smart lady.
And why this matters is because where l tend to become a bit blurry over time , l'm starting to think she can remember every word and action, all at once over the whole 14mths.
So where l'm more about what evers happening at the time , and things she comes out with seem like they're outa nowhere, they probably aren't . They're probably about the whole 14mth picture and things l've long moved on from and forgotten , but she still has them all logged and filed.
So what seems like a crazy response isn't about the moment , it's about the whole picture ad this does actually make sense and wasn't as just plucked out of the air as l often use to think.

I've been analyzing every moment, every word for a long time. I shreded it all to pieces and put it back together milion times. Then I looked at the whole picture from different angles, so many questions, doubts, whatifs. I was desperately seeking some wisdom that will set me free.

No success whatsoever. I stopped.

May 11, 2017

I regret that I haven't recorded his voice. His deep and soft voice I adore. The voice I will never hear again. I don't want to forget it.

still pathetic

May 11, 2017

Oh God brother , l am so so sorry your going through this. Thank God that is all over for me and my daughter and me have somehow , somehow, found our new normal. But the sick l felt, gut wrenching , back when , , well , you know about it.
lf there's one thing l could say , it'd be try to stay on good terms with your ex, try not to let any hate or spite or fighting get in, so that you can still work together for your kids , and not make this even harder on them and you,
lf possible try to stay in the area, 15 20 mins max. It makes a massive massive difference. And if things are good with ex then they can come and go and you can pick them up any time and run them home from school and all sorts of things and they can ring you you anytime , what you up to dad ,come and get me if you got time and text back and forth and you can be in touch all the time when your not together . That's how my d and l are.It helped her so so much , and me too. And it kept all the ugly out of this for her and for me too.

There's a forum called the heros spouse. It's mainly about the ex mid lifing , mlc' g. But it's also fantastic support and caring . That place and the people there got me through. Check that one out.
Good luck my friend.

Thanks, I live just down the street from them. I moved 30 min from where we used to live to be close to where my ex wife moved to. It's very hard for me to remain cordial around my ex as she is literally trying to cut me off from my kids and she is trying to take as much money as she can in the legal case.

How long has it been for you? How long did it take for you to get to a better place with this? I have a feeling I won't be at peace until the legal case is settled, and my ex keeps dragging it out for more money.

May 11, 2017

I spent most of the week depressed as **** after seeing that she has an online dating profile now. I basically went to work, went home, ate too much, played some video games, then went to sleep. At work I keep to myself - it's easy to do as I'm a programmer and they expect you to be lost in thought most of the time. No one knows how much mental anguish I am in.

Work going well afaik. I have a 1-on-1 with my managing director end of week, I'll have a better idea. I feel like I'm not firing on all cylinders, but I know I've been giving it my all as much as I can right now with all of the crap going on in my personal life. I'm very hard on myself, even during the divorce I still have unrealistic expectations of 'being successful' in my career. That's always been part of my problem.

My kids spent the night with me. Part of why I'm so bummed is we swapped weeks, so I don't see them much for 2 weeks - but then they are with me for 2 weeks mostly. When my kids are with me I notice I am much more at peace. Being alone with my thoughts is not good for me. I notice all the feelings of guilt and shame, regret, etc., go away or are greatly diminished, when my kids are around. When this is all over they'll be with me 50% of the time or close to it and I'll feel better. That's another thing - I worry the child custody situation to death, I obsess over the worst case scenario. These are things I can only control to an extent.

I've started thinking about what I want my life to look like when the divorce is settled. Certainly I have to get back in shape, I'm planning to go to the gym tonight and over the weekend. I can't go on feeling crappy all the time physically. I need to focus on my career and making money. Solidify where I'm at in my current job. I'm planning to start working on my side business again over the weekend. I stopped working on it during the divorce because I was afraid that my wife would try to take half of the profits. I know a big part of my future is growing that side business so it makes a sizable side income. I'm just going to talk to my lawyer and try to shelter the profits of the side business from my greedy ex wife, but I have to start working on it again now. It'll just make me feel better. There's other things I want to flesh out in my mind a little more - get together a financial plan, meditate more, journal more, maybe cut down on video games and start playing music more (not sure if this is just replacing one habit with another). Be more conscious of being a virtuous person and how I treat people.

I'm also going to need massive amounts of therapy. I'm already going once a week, doesn't feel like it's enough - mainly because I don't have many friends to talk to, and the ones I have mostly are tired of hearing about this divorce ****. I don't blame them, it's exhausting. My problem right now is I feel so alone. I've always been an introvert, it doesn't help the 10 year marriage cut me off from a lot of friends. I feel the need to get out more, enroll in a class or attend meetups more. The main issue with this is I'm often so overwhelmed by work and my personal life that I can't bring myself to get out more. It's tough to be around happy, sociable people when you feel like you're dying inside and your self image is lower than dirt.

May 11, 2017

I dreamed about her today again... Checked online the possible meanings, and I ended up crying. It's like a part of me wants to hold me back, maybe it's that I need to talk more about it during my daytime with people and friends. Maybe it's that I'm pushing myself too much and I still need more time. Or maybe I just need a break from this forum. As reading a lot about other people experience can be helpful but sometimes can drag you down.

I'm about to finish a book about how to move on from a breakup and I want to share it with you in this forum. By helping others I´m helping myself too.

May 11, 2017

I'm angry. I'm angry at myself, and I'm angry at him. I'm angry that I let myself fall so quickly when I'm normally so guarded. I'm angry that the ending of a 5 week "fling" has now affected me for the last month. I'm angry that he acted like he wanted so much more. I'm angry about how much of my time I gave him. I'm angry that he pulled away right when I started to care. I'm angry that we were both looking for relationships, but he suddenly "didn't feel he wanted a relationship of any type with anybody." I'm angry that I can't quit replaying every conversation we had. I'm angry that I'm nitpicking everything I did to make him run. I'm angry he never said anything until it was too late. I'm angry that I'm still sad over this. That I still care.

It all seemed so perfect. I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker. Even more appropriate because he fishes. I'm angry that I built up expectations because he seemed so right. I couldn't help it. I'm angry that I had to learn a lesson.

May 11, 2017

Not well.. I have been feeling slightly better since she left me at the end of March, but I still feel sad and miss her.

I had a weak moment today and googled her name, I came across her Instagram (or at least a cached version). All of our pictures were removed and all of her new pictures are of her drinking and claiming how she is "available". SHE IS THE ONE WHO BROKE IT OFF!

I felt like I undid some of my healing...

I just try to press on and distract myself from the pain. I have no hobbies, I like just relaxing at home... which is what my ex always told me she liked doing too. But apparently, not now...

May 12, 2017

panic attac at 7 am i dont need this i dont want tis

what have we done to each other please someone just kill me

May 12, 2017

I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment's gone.

All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity.

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea.

Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.

It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy. (~Kansas)

In the last 3 days I have completely set aside the fact that she cheated and have been analyzing ad nausium the relationship from start to finish, from the first time I did or said something that put a slight strain on the relationship to her last actions. And throughout this entire ordeal, I'm not taking into account her cheating that sealed the deal.

A part of me keeps wishing that if we talked one last time, after all these months, and acknowledged to each other that we have made mistakes then there might be a chance.

She showered me with breadcrumbs after I found out and after the breakup, but she never hinted, in any of them that she was considering getting back together. It's quite painful when someone keeps contacting you just to get a response to assuage their guilt while adding to the finality of the relationship.

I feel melancholy. Things are getting worse. Aren't they supposed to get better over time?

I tried today very hard to focus on what I was doing, but as hard as I tried, every waking minute included a thought about her.

In the afternoon hours I felt angry about all the mean things she said toward the end. How can someone have so much resentment for another person to whom she had proclaimed her love just days before?

I forgot and forgave her quickly for all the things she did during the relationship, but she didn't. Who was that person?

I was doing MUCH better last week. But this week I feel a setback. It's as though I'm back to 4 weeks post breakup, still analyzing, still hoping. Everyone around me is exhausted of hearing about it. I'm getting a lot of tough love and it's only making me more irritated and heart broken.

I keep asking myself, "Was that the turning point that changed her mind?" It had to have been. "Or maybe it was that......?"

Today after reading some journal entries, I was reminded how messy and complicated things got toward the end of the relationship.

I can't focus on anything lately. I can't absorb anything.

She was very selfish, especially toward the end, selfish and immature. I couldn't recognize her.

I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment's gone.

I don't see myself meeting someone new when my heart is stuck.

The funny things is, I couldn't stand being with her in the last week of the relationship, but I wish we could both go back a couple of months before that point wheen we were both still caring and loving toward each other, and she was sincere in her feelings -- At least I think she was.

I have been going to sleep dejected, sad and depressed and it rips my heart into pieces when I remember how happy I was holding her in my arms. I was so happy. These days, I feel like I'm going through the motions.

I need a local support group. What can I look for? I have yet to come across anything that advertises as a support group for breakups and relationships.

I really need some people to talk to. I really do.

https://youtu.be/taQ09YqFRo0

Edited May 12, 2017 by Logo

May 12, 2017

panic attac at 7 am i dont need this i dont want tis
what have we done to each other please someone just kill me

pathetic :):):):):)

Sorry darlin just trying to get a smile out of you

May 12, 2017

panic attac at 7 am i dont need this i dont want tis
what have we done to each other please someone just kill me

Consider starting meditation, may help A LOT. You can download an app like Headspace or watch and follow youtube videos about it. You are not alone

May 12, 2017

OMG I became a drama queen. Im sooo sorry, obviously I was in a very dark place.

BG1- meditation is not my thing, Im off to lala land as I start trying to empty my mind but Im willing to try. Thanks for caring.

Chilli- THANK YOU, you got more than one smile out of me:)

very ashamed

May 12, 2017

ahhhh noooo. nothing to be ashamed about, no shame here we,re all g0ing through it.

besides , bet l could outshame anyone :laugh:

May 12, 2017

I still don't know where I should be putting this. I've concluded that this is a situation I have to carry and deal with alone, so probably best to keep it here, for now anyway.

I've accepted this situation for what it is, but I can't get past this nagging feeling that you're holding back as much as I am - as unlikely as that seems, all things considered. I'm not sure what happens from here. I guess it stays how it is, unless one of us takes a lead?

I'm trying to find some kind of metaphor for the situation right now - the best I can come up with is like being on an archeological dig... My eye was drawn to something, instinct tells me I had to look closer. I've scraped the surface, can see something beautiful emerging and have become invested emotionally.... Now I have to decide whether I try to get beneath the surface and risk any damage; or just admire what I've uncovered from a distance - and leave it for someone else more suited to the job.

As painful as it is, I think I know deep down which way it should go

May 13, 2017

Nothing to be ashamed Inya. La la land, I have strong feelings toward that film, I'm sure that film was the start of the end of my relationship. Basically, it was the trigger (among other things), when my ex-saw that film.

If meditation is not your thing. If you feel anxious, be aware of your breathing and try to have big and long breaths.

Honest review of La la land

"Watch as these two hotties pursue their goals with single-minded ambition and complete disregard for anything that isn't them".

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