How are you coping today?

[kingofpain]

Went to bed feeling ok but woke up sad as usual. Always having weird dreams about her. It's been one month since our twelve years went up in smoke. We are still in the same house but separated and she walks around like she doesn't have a care in the world. Thoughts of our past keep swirling in my mind.

 

I don't understand what it takes to get private messages going on this forum but your case sounds like one that would possibly miraculously benefit from total immersion in the wisdom Corey Wayne has to offer.

[Chilli]

The more time goes on , the more l wonder if some of the delays and things l did, were what was really going on underneath for her.

They were giving her the exact opposite of what she really needed from me to get through this.

[Logo]

I had a good evening. Much better than last night.

 

Though, I keep thinking in detail about how we wound up where we did.

 

I can pinpoint the turning points. But as easy it is to blame external factors, I think if you really want a strong relationship then you fight to maintain it. You don't give up and you continue to love and respect your partner.

 

I think I cared a lot more about the relationship. I fought to keep it going and keep it alive for as long as I could, but I didn't see her trying as hard. In fact, I got the impression that she checked out early on and was just coasting along. Meanwhile I kept lowering my expectations to accommodate her.

[Inya]

Today it's his birthday.

I walked 10 km and cried all the way. I just can't stop, my eyes are leaking uncontrollably for months now.

I physically miss him today. I would do anything to hold his hand for a few minutes. I want to kiss him and hug him, melt in his arms and never let go. But I will never see him again.

I'm afraid, It's too much pain, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I don't know how to deal with it. Screaming or throwing things into the wall doesn't help eather. The pain is always there...

I don't cope, I don't know how.

I sent him an email, I hope he is ok.

Weed is my friend.

I'm a mess.

[Chilli]

l hear ya logo.

l think she thought l was 1/2 checked out and not fully into it.

Had the words but she was looking at the actions.

[Chilli]

Today it's his birthday.

I walked 10 km and cried all the way. I just can't stop, my eyes are leaking uncontrollably for months now.

I physically miss him today. I would do anything to hold his hand for a few minutes. I want to kiss him and hug him, melt in his arms and never let go. But I will never see him again.

I'm afraid, It's too much pain, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I don't know how to deal with it. Screaming or throwing things into the wall doesn't help eather. The pain is always there...

I don't cope, I don't know how.

I sent him an email, I hope he is ok.

Weed is my friend.

I'm a mess.

 

A day at a time lnya, just baby steps. 1 will turn into 2 and 2 will turn into 5 and then 10.

give yourself time, and spoil lnya some . 00

[Blastoplast]

A little up and down today.

 

I got a cute girls number yesterday and we were hitting it off pretty well. The whole time my EX was there shooting looks at us talking and it made me feel a little guilty. To top it off, I was on Tinder looking at profiles and I came across my EX on there. She said she wanted to be single for a while, not date and focus on her professional career but then she's on there? I almost laughed when I saw it, what a hypocrite. I know some people use it just for fun or validation, but I'd be lying if I wasn't just a little upset over it.

[divegrl]

Today it's his birthday.

I walked 10 km and cried all the way. I just can't stop, my eyes are leaking uncontrollably for months now.

I physically miss him today. I would do anything to hold his hand for a few minutes. I want to kiss him and hug him, melt in his arms and never let go. But I will never see him again.

I'm afraid, It's too much pain, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I don't know how to deal with it. Screaming or throwing things into the wall doesn't help eather. The pain is always there...

I don't cope, I don't know how.

I sent him an email, I hope he is ok.

Weed is my friend.

I'm a mess.

 

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry my friend. We all want someone who will hold us and never let us go.

 

Please know you're not alone. I am praying for you today. Hugs.

[BG1]

Today it's his birthday.

I walked 10 km and cried all the way. I just can't stop, my eyes are leaking uncontrollably for months now.

I physically miss him today. I would do anything to hold his hand for a few minutes. I want to kiss him and hug him, melt in his arms and never let go. But I will never see him again.

I'm afraid, It's too much pain, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I don't know how to deal with it. Screaming or throwing things into the wall doesn't help eather. The pain is always there...

I don't cope, I don't know how.

I sent him an email, I hope he is ok.

Weed is my friend.

I'm a mess.

 

Hold on.

 

Make a new playlist that helps you clear your mind. Write down on a piece of paper without thinking for 10 minutes every day, then after a month check it out and you would be able to see that you are better down the line.

Do take care of yourself because no one else will.

East well if you can and exercise, your body will thank you and your mind will get distracted. Spoil yourself. Now it's time to be thinking about what you want to do.

For me, it really helps to find one or two parks that I use as my sanctuaries and I can go and walk, sit down and see people pass by.

[Logo]

In the last two days, in recalling some of the details of my last relationship, I have realized that I started forgetting some details.

 

What really bothers me is that I'm also forgetting the magical, the heart warming and beautiful moments we often had, especially when we went on a few vacations together. It makes me sad that I'm forgetting how amazing those moments were and how they made me feel. I feel like it's all fading away and I want to hold on to as much of it as I can.

 

Without that, I feel like all I would be left with will be the sour taste of the break up. I don't want that.

 

I feel like I need to start writing down how I felt whenever we had a special moment and spent time with each other.

 

Memories are all I have. Once they start fading, all I'll be left with are fragments. I want to remember everything, the good and the bad. Why? Because in the last few days I have been idealizing some moments we had together, but forgetting the moments when we hit road bumps and vice versa.

 

In the last two days I have been wondering to myself if I should contact her and reach out. But then, as soon as I start thinking about it, and I dig deep, real deep, I start to remember some of the things that happened that led the relationship downhill. And then I start asking myself, why am I still so confused? I'm not content. I'm not at peace with the fact that it all ended and came to a screeching halt like that. It's not sitting well with me.

Edited May 8, 2017 by Logo

[Chilli]

Yeah , what's really getting to me is that l can't quite piece what happened in our last few days together.

l can't quite remember what actually lead to that blowup and her saying the things she said .

l can't piece it all together , so that l can figure out if this is right or wrong , who was right or wrong , or if l am throwing it away when in fact l could very well have been in as much wrong myself.

There are things l do know , she shouldn't have kept doing this or saying that, but l'm also realizing that she might've been far far more ahead in her thinking than l realized and far far clearer than me . She did have that kind of intelligence , a very very smart lady.

And why this matters is because where l tend to become a bit blurry over time , l'm starting to think she can remember every word and action, all at once over the whole 14mths.

So where l'm more about what evers happening at the time , and things she comes out with seem like they're outa nowhere, they probably aren't . They're probably about the whole 14mth picture and things l've long moved on from and forgotten , but she still has them all logged and filed.

So what seems like a crazy response isn't about the moment , it's about the whole picture ad this does actually make sense and wasn't as just plucked out of the air as l often use to think.

 

l'm not comfortable with us being done,bc 1 , not only the incredible things we had and our feelings , so rare, that l know l probably won't find again in this lifetime now , but also that l may have miss read her,in mega proportions.

Thinking my effups and letting her down at times were water under the bridge long ago , but the weren't and not only, but to her the biggest part of our 14nths was still happening bc l still wouldn't commit the way she would.

 

There were also lots of things said , some not good , in the moment , and l'm realizing she can retain the whole picture , all at once , all 14mths of it, and that is what she;'s responding too not just the moment going on at that second. Including things that hurt her and let downs , all still filed and logged.

She needed some consistency to wash all of that away properly, she needed to believe that what l say l felt and feel was real .

Edited May 8, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

But then again , my inconsistencies,or wobbling as she called it , weren't all just about me recovering both financially and mentally after the divorce, and needing to take things slow.

They were as much about her and her consistency , l needed that too.

But being the impatient bad tempered little sh@t that she was , she'd crack the sh@ts before l could build consistency , and so l'd start back treading 1/2 way through. Often l was almost there, just about ready to dive in , but usually 2 seconds before, wham, every time.

 

l tried to explain that to her. She knew she was an impatient little sh@t .

Edited May 9, 2017 by Chilli

[Inya]

Thank you Chilli, divegirl and BG1, it fells really good to know someone cares.

 

I understand baby steps, but where to? I've lost my manual for living. I don't know anything anymore. I'm so very lost.

I know I will survive, I'm just not sure yet if I want to. One day...

[Logo]

I'm having a hard time letting go.

Edited May 9, 2017 by Logo

[Chilli]

Thank you Chilli, divegirl and BG1, it fells really good to know someone cares.

 

I understand baby steps, but where to? I've lost my manual for living. I don't know anything anymore. I'm so very lost.

I know I will survive, I'm just not sure yet if I want to. One day...

 

Hold on Inya and email me if you need too.

But the thing is , don't think about where to, that doesn't matter right now, there doesn't have to be a where too for now.

That's all for another day but right now, day ata time. 00

[Wuku]

Still miss her. Still think of her every day. Still going through conversations I want to have with her in my head. Still getting annoyed with this whole process. I know we will probably never meet again, yet I still have so much I want to say and hear.

[Wuku]

So where l'm more about what evers happening at the time , and things she comes out with seem like they're outa nowhere, they probably aren't . They're probably about the whole 14mth picture and things l've long moved on from and forgotten , but she still has them all logged and filed.

 

My ex was exactly like this. She filed and logged everything for our whole 5 1/2 year relationship, right down to little things that were said and done. And over that time it all accumulated and built up, rather than being dealt with there and then and moved on from. I move on very quickly from situations like arguments, she never could. And all those things were thrown back at me quite often.

 

But you just can't live like that, she made herself ill with all the things she carried around with her, including stuff from before we met. Every bad thing was so well remembered in great detail, but she never seemed as attentive to all the good stuff. I forgive and forget, she couldn't do that. Surely at some point you should leave the past behind, for both your sakes.

Edited May 9, 2017 by Wuku

[Chilli]

Yep definitely. For me some things are fixed so that's it l'm onward but even the ones that weren't , ya can't getem all but as far as l'm concerned that doesn't mean l wanna carry them with me forever because your right it is damn unhealthy especially for the relationship..

But she basically self sabotaged non stop because she just wouldn't let things go and yep exactly the same.She always chose to choose and believe and remember the worst possible side of the the story, even if it didn't have one , she had a really bad habit of just creating her own. It effg wares you out .

 

l cracked today and wrote her an email.

l said there's no need to answer but l do want you to know some things and how they really were for me.

And then l explained them .

And then l said well, ok love, you take care eh.

And signed off with a hug.

 

With mine that is one way she does take in the good stuff. It we've had some time alone and then l send her an email.

Anyway , l'm glad l did . She will take this in and so at least she'll know now the way it really was for me and the issue l really wanted her to know the truth about.

[StrangerThanFiction]

That's it, I'm done, I'm giving up. There is obviously something fundamentally wrong with me because the only men I seem to attract are either in unhappy marriages or relationships, or they're on the rebound from one. Is that all I'm worth? As a potential bit of side action or a temporary bandage for a broken heart? As if I would knowingly enter into either of those scenarios! Why is it so hard to find someone who's been on their own for awhile, is content with it, then meets me and thinks "hey, I wouldn't mind spending some time with her and maybe see where things go!". But no, I attract the broken and the weak. A friend told me it's because I'm such a strong woman and that attracts men like that. Horsesh*t. There is obviously something flawed at my core that draws these men to me.

 

I have very little of my heart left to give anymore and I'm keeping what's left for myself from now on. I'm just done. I'm tired of putting it out there only to have it stomped on and thrown out like garbage again and again. Maybe that's all it's worth. Well, screw that. If nobody else wants it then I guess it's up to me to cherish it. I'm taking myself off the market permanently.

 

Relationship goal: I'm getting a dog.

[Logo]

I'm back to feeling angry this evening because she played with my heart and then cheated on me. What a monster.

[BG1]

Don't be too hard on you. Seems you are in a pattern so would be good to look inside you to see what are the roots of this. I could see that myself for the last 2 relationships. Both with dysfunctional families and low self-steam.

 

Take time to focus on you, forget about dating and seeking other people. Meaning you won't have to deal with other people problems and have time and energy to focus on yourself. I'm in the process of been happy alone, and when I say that I also mean no looking for external validation from girls, apps, etc... I think once anyone reaches that point, it's a very empowering thing as it's a reminder you can stand up for yourself and find happiness by your own means.

[BG1]

That's it, I'm done, I'm giving up. There is obviously something fundamentally wrong with me because the only men I seem to attract are either in unhappy marriages or relationships, or they're on the rebound from one. Is that all I'm worth? As a potential bit of side action or a temporary bandage for a broken heart? As if I would knowingly enter into either of those scenarios! Why is it so hard to find someone who's been on their own for awhile, is content with it, then meets me and thinks "hey, I wouldn't mind spending some time with her and maybe see where things go!". But no, I attract the broken and the weak. A friend told me it's because I'm such a strong woman and that attracts men like that. Horsesh*t. There is obviously something flawed at my core that draws these men to me.

 

I have very little of my heart left to give anymore and I'm keeping what's left for myself from now on. I'm just done. I'm tired of putting it out there only to have it stomped on and thrown out like garbage again and again. Maybe that's all it's worth. Well, screw that. If nobody else wants it then I guess it's up to me to cherish it. I'm taking myself off the market permanently.

 

Relationship goal: I'm getting a dog.

 

Don't be too hard on you. Seems you are in a pattern so would be good to look inside you to see what are the roots of this. I could see that myself for the last 2 relationships. Both with dysfunctional families and low self-steam.

 

Take time to focus on you, forget about dating and seeking other people. Meaning you won't have to deal with other people problems and have time and energy to focus on yourself. I'm in the process of been happy alone, and when I say that I also mean no looking for external validation from girls, apps, etc... I think once anyone reaches that point, it's a very empowering thing as it's a reminder you can stand up for yourself and find happiness by your own means.

[BG1]

I'm definitely doing better this week. Although today I dreamed with her for the first time in a while. I woke up with such a mix feelings. We were both snuggling and talking about life, it was like a post break up situation as she was still somehow cold and distant I was just enjoying the moment not thinking about what would lead to. Sometimes I think if she still dreams about me.

 

So vivid and real... I reckon it's normal as it been more than 2 months of NC at all and I still miss her.

[Inya]

I'm daydreaming...

We live in this small old house with stone facade, surrounded by trees and potted plants. We take long walks around the countryside every day. He loves my cooking and I spoil him so much. He is the most loving and caring men on the planet. In the evening we have long talks in bed, we gaze into each others eyes...then we kiss...

 

can I be more pathetic...but I feel a little better...for now

[Chilli]

That's it, I'm done, I'm giving up. There is obviously something fundamentally wrong with me because the only men I seem to attract are either in unhappy marriages or relationships, or they're on the rebound from one. Is that all I'm worth? As a potential bit of side action or a temporary bandage for a broken heart? As if I would knowingly enter into either of those scenarios! Why is it so hard to find someone who's been on their own for awhile, is content with it, then meets me and thinks "hey, I wouldn't mind spending some time with her and maybe see where things go!". But no, I attract the broken and the weak. A friend told me it's because I'm such a strong woman and that attracts men like that. Horsesh*t. There is obviously something flawed at my core that draws these men to me.

 

I have very little of my heart left to give anymore and I'm keeping what's left for myself from now on. I'm just done. I'm tired of putting it out there only to have it stomped on and thrown out like garbage again and again. Maybe that's all it's worth. Well, screw that. If nobody else wants it then I guess it's up to me to cherish it. I'm taking myself off the market permanently.

 

Relationship goal: I'm getting a dog.

 

 

 

Sorry it's worked out that way for ya. .bUT yknow ,in the last bit here, it's making me think the mistake might be you give your heart a little too soon and too easily. They can sense that and will jump on the offer.

 

Just thoughts.

Edited May 10, 2017 by Chilli