MeadowFlower Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Feeling a bit disappointed etc or something today :| .
MeadowFlower Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 (edited) "Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again." -Carol Rifka Brunt Reposting. Going to copy and past it to my phone too lol. Or falling for someone who is above/better than you in more than one aspect. Edited April 27, 2017 by MeadowFlower
BG1 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 It's been two hard days, mornings especially. I may need to go back into meditation and been more consistant about the gym. But also not talking about this at the moment may be making things more difficult. I feel like now I need to constantly reach friends and family to talk, and I've been doing it for a while. 7 weeks of NC, and I miss her. Anyway, we are 10,000 km away, and somehow it's making it more difficult in some ways.
sorano Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 The 180 is still going around. SMH. Lost faith. women. Im going to focus on getting leaner this summer. while my all my friends are going to go out this summer, trying to get girls, hook up, whatever the case may be, friday nights, saturday nights, I will be in the gym. Thats my date. Testosterone + IGF-1 = insanity. Long beach is waiting for me!! 2
Logo Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 (edited) In the last three months I have been meeting women that make it seem they're interested, they give me their phone number, they might even say, "See you soon." But when I contact them, they disappear. I can't even get to the first date stage. I was doing ok this week. Well, I was actually keeping busy by doing things that interest me, but weren't necessarily productive in terms of achieving goals, etc. I slept a lot, too. And in the last 2 days, I have been telling myself, "I feel unwanted. Is there something wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? At this rate, the only woman who might want to be with me will be divorced with children from a previous marriage." I look around and I see couples in their 20s and 30s, happily married. It makes me sad. I'm happy for them. But I'm sad because I wish I had that kind of love in my life, early on. Edited April 30, 2017 by Logo 1
GeekLover Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Just dropped off some more items he gave me at the diabetes donation drop-off. I still held on to a couple items though. I think because I've been letting go in steps. I didn't act hasty and do everything at once...but I've been doing everything in smaller steps. 1) Tossed his key into the creek near my house 2) Deleted pictures, texts, and filed emails into a separate folder so I wouldn't have to see them in my email feed. 3) Went NC but still stalked him on social media 4) Deleted his phone number 5) Stopped stalking him on social media and stopped using the platforms I know he uses. Also ensured other forms of social media that he could access for me were set to private. 6) Tossed a bracelet he gave me that was engraved with his "saying" to me into the creek near my house 7) Tossed some other gift items tonight into donation It's sad to have so much anger and hatred for a man I considered to be my everything. I loved him with my entire soul...now...I can't even put my feelings into words. I'm not even sure I hate him. I just don't know anymore... 1
SadEgg Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 I know, I know. No contact. ...but why can't I just send him a letter that says "I hate you." No explanation. Nothing else. Just those three words. Seriously, what would be the harm in that.
SixxChick Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 I bought a bunch of plants, flowers, containers, dirt, fertilizer, etc., today. As much as I could stuff into my car. Going to sink my hands into some dirt tomorrow. That will be my Sunday therapy. It's funny. Still thought of him while I was shopping and I felt kind of sad. The music that was playing didn't help. The heart is a deep well. I am learning how to pull myself out of that though. And then I will head down to the Sunset Strip for a concert at the Whiskey. Life is good and I am moving on. I would really just like to reach the next step. The part where my brain completely eliminates thoughts of him where they no longer deserve to dwell. 3
MeadowFlower Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 In the last three months I have been meeting women that make it seem they're interested, they give me their phone number, they might even say, "See you soon." But when I contact them, they disappear. I can't even get to the first date stage. I was doing ok this week. Well, I was actually keeping busy by doing things that interest me, but weren't necessarily productive in terms of achieving goals, etc. I slept a lot, too. And in the last 2 days, I have been telling myself, "I feel unwanted. Is there something wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? At this rate, the only woman who might want to be with me will be divorced with children from a previous marriage." I look around and I see couples in their 20s and 30s, happily married. It makes me sad. I'm happy for them. But I'm sad because I wish I had that kind of love in my life, early on. Don't ever let yourself feel unwanted, regardless. And don't ever question if there is something wrong with you. You are you and that is enough. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 So, my ex is back in my city for the summer. We talked quite a bit on the phone for the last few days as he made his way across the country. We had a lot of pretty deep conversations, cleared a lot of air, and laid a lot to rest. We talked about our plans for the future and we talked about our past relationship with each other. We talked about how we both agreed that it never would've worked between us because of how much the deck was stacked against us due to not only outside influences, but also our personalities. We're both pretty outgoing, rather dominant and emotionally driven people so when you put us together it was a constant battle of wills with neither of us willing or able to give an inch because that would be sacrificing some of our perceived power. Then we talked about his new girlfriend and the guy that I'm interested in. If you would've told me even a month ago that I would be hanging out with my ex, eating pizza and helping him find a room to rent while giving him relationship advice on how to make his new relationship work as an LDR and he would be cheerleading me to make a move for this new guy I'm interested in I would've asked what the hell you were smoking. It was surreal. Yeah, at first it hurt a bit to hear how much different he is with her and how serious he is about her in a way he wasn't with me, but then I realized it has nothing to do with my value as a person or as a woman. It has nothing to do with me not being good enough. We just didn't fit. His new girlfriend is the quiet, demure, submissive type, and for a man like my ex that's what he needs. He feels safe dropping his guard because he knows he is firmly in the dominant position so he feels he can make himself more vulnerable without sacrificing any of his supposed power. I, on the other hand, have never been described as quiet, demure, or submissive in any way. There are times my life would be made easier if I was like that, but I know doing so would make me miserable because that's not who I am. Trust me, I've tried, and then I end up hating myself and lashing out in epic fashion because of it. I'm not saying I'm some ball-busting, screeching virago or anything, I just know my own mind, have a very defined sense of personal freedom, and guard it jealously so anyone who tries to infringe on either gets a verbal foot up their a**. I learned a lot of valuable lessons about myself from the whole experience. I have a better sense of who I am, what I want, and what I need in a relationship in order to be happy. In spite of all the pain I suffered post break up, I believe it made me a stronger, better person. It motivated me to make changes to my life that I desperately needed and to really delve into some self analysis that I shied away from in the past. So, how am I coping today? Very well, despite feeling a little sadness over the definitive closing of a chapter of my life. But I can feel it fading hour by hour as my paradigm shifts. Life is effing strange. 4
GeekLover Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 How am I coping today? I scoured the internet for a new therapist that seemed (on paper), to be a good fit for me. I sent her an email to set up an appointment. Time to push forward with my healing in the most healthy way possible. I KNOW my ex isn't doing the same, despite him telling me how "damaged" he was when we split. Nope...his answer is to drag his baggage straight into a new relationship. I can't wait to start therapy again. I'm ready to shed this pain, forgive, let go, and move on. 1
BG1 Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I went out, had a good time out for the first time in a long time. But once back heading home I feel the irresistible feeling of hearing this song that reminded me of her.... https://www.youtube.com/embed/G731523Z5Zg my heart hurts so much. It's been 2 months of NC but I still miss her so much. I was out tonight and talked to some girls and even got some girls phone numbers but I may be not at that stage. I did enjoy the evening tho. I should probably avoid this song for the following weeks. I just think there is nothing worth the effort at this moment, although I'm getting a lot of attention ... I just want to be happy withing myself but I miss the intimacy and been close mentally to someone... 1
sorano Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Tonight, I closed the lights in my room. I grabbed my rosary beads that hang next to my bed, went on my knees and prayed. I prayed for everything to be ok. Remove all negative energy, surround me with positive light. I felt like crying but, no tears came out. It just seems I am getting hit with all this crap at once again and I am trying so hard to cope. Its a combination of everything going on. I will try to push. I will try my hardest. Everything will be ok. I cannot give up and throw in the towel. I will not wave the white flag. keep it moving. Everything in the end, will be fine. I must stay humble. I must work hard. I must not let sadness or negativity get in my way of living. I must not give in. I will not be defeated. 2
DarrenB Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Tonight, I closed the lights in my room. I grabbed my rosary beads that hang next to my bed, went on my knees and prayed. I prayed for everything to be ok. Remove all negative energy, surround me with positive light. I felt like crying but, no tears came out. It just seems I am getting hit with all this crap at once again and I am trying so hard to cope. Its a combination of everything going on. I will try to push. I will try my hardest. Everything will be ok. I cannot give up and throw in the towel. I will not wave the white flag. keep it moving. Everything in the end, will be fine. I must stay humble. I must work hard. I must not let sadness or negativity get in my way of living. I must not give in. I will not be defeated. Keep it up fella, there's always hope; 'every cloud has a silver lining'. Always evolve and adapt
sorano Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 darren its funny you replied. I just sent you an email bro
SixxChick Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Tonight, I closed the lights in my room. I grabbed my rosary beads that hang next to my bed, went on my knees and prayed. I prayed for everything to be ok. Remove all negative energy, surround me with positive light. I felt like crying but, no tears came out. It just seems I am getting hit with all this crap at once again and I am trying so hard to cope. Its a combination of everything going on. I will try to push. I will try my hardest. Everything will be ok. I cannot give up and throw in the towel. I will not wave the white flag. keep it moving. Everything in the end, will be fine. I must stay humble. I must work hard. I must not let sadness or negativity get in my way of living. I must not give in. I will not be defeated. I am learning that happiness is a choice. Easier said than done, yes. But it is true. Lean on your one-way 24/7 communication via prayer. It's been working for me the minute I go to the dark side. And he IS the dark side. Don't go there anymore. You have worked hard, but it's not always easy. This I kind of know from reading some of your posts. Muscle your way out of it in every conceivable capacity. The fact that we loved so deeply says a lot about us. Forget about them. That's all I got for tonight before I embark upon deliriousness and have fantasies about slashing tires. Hahaha! Be well. 3
DarrenB Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I am learning that happiness is a choice. Easier said than done, yes. But it is true. Lean on your one-way 24/7 communication via prayer. It's been working for me the minute I go to the dark side. And he IS the dark side. Don't go there anymore. You have worked hard, but it's not always easy. This I kind of know from reading some of your posts. Muscle your way out of it in every conceivable capacity. The fact that we loved so deeply says a lot about us. Forget about them. That's all I got for tonight before I embark upon deliriousness and have fantasies about slashing tires. Hahaha! Be well. Hallelujah! 2
divegrl Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 May the grace of God be with you, always in your heart 1
Logo Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 (edited) Emotional pain is not very different from physical pain. At first it overwhelms us and we feel it through every cell of our body. But over time it starts to ebb away, sinking deeper and deeper into that abyss of emotions. It drowns among the noise of other emotions. But it remains, under the surface. Like a physical scar from an injury that healed, it stays there as a reminder of the pain we endured. And from time to time, if we smell the right scent, or hear a certain word or joke, or see a certain smile on a stranger's face, it rushes to the surface and overwhelms us to tears. But as quickly as it surfaces, it retreats and sinks far into that dark abyss that we dare not explore, for if we do, it would remind us of that pain. Yesterday was a tough day for me. I have to admit, I had tears running down my cheeks. A grown man. But I feel better today, more mellow. I took things easy. It's been a few months and it still hurts, some days more than others. But such is life. So here I stand before you, trying to take it one step at a time, holding onto the hope that gives me strength. Edited May 1, 2017 by Logo 7
ML Hammer95 Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 Reached out to my ex yesterday after she had done the reaching out before. Feel like I've sold myself short. She didn't want any deep conversations and we ended up teasing each other, trying to make the other jealous with thoughts of seeing other people.
GeekLover Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I'm having a weaker day today. I'm not sure where this has come from. I've been feeling so strong and so clear minded, and then BAM! The emotions resurface. I don't know how he's doing it. It makes no sense to me how he has enough in him to already give to someone else. I could NEVER do it right now...I don't even feel CLOSE to being ready to being emotionally available for someone new. Not even him!!!! However, today I confirmed my first appointment with my new therapist. I look forward to trying someone new and having a fresh perspective. I'm also leaving in half an hour for the gym. I haven't made myself go in a couple months now, so today is the day to start up again. 1
sorano Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I am learning that happiness is a choice. Easier said than done, yes. But it is true. Lean on your one-way 24/7 communication via prayer. It's been working for me the minute I go to the dark side. And he IS the dark side. Don't go there anymore. You have worked hard, but it's not always easy. This I kind of know from reading some of your posts. Muscle your way out of it in every conceivable capacity. The fact that we loved so deeply says a lot about us. Forget about them. That's all I got for tonight before I embark upon deliriousness and have fantasies about slashing tires. Hahaha! Be well. I have been doing very well. I started being myself again. sometimes life just hits us with obstacles. It doesn't go how we want it to. Then I did something I shouldn't have. which set me back. I then got another 180 from someone else and it just piled on. I had no sleep last night. I kind of feel terrible at the moment. I just want to go somewhere and start fresh. A different place. Tonight is chest day. I am going to fkuc **** up tonight at the gym. 2
Gillys Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I haven't felt this great in months. I had the day off and decided to drive 3hrs to spend time with my aunt and toddler cousin. I had a blast making that kiddo laugh for hours. As I drove home with a smile on my face, I realized I had barely thought about my ex all afternoon, I realized if I were with my ex still I never would have been able to just drive 3hrs to play with a 2year old and see my family. Its nice to be able to enjoy the little things in life again 4
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