higherground5 Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Still thinking about you frequently during the day. We spoke over email to finalize our taxes, and I offered positive responses and kept it business like, rather than turn it into bargaining efforts. I wrote your parents an email to say thank you for me being apart of the family for the last 7 years as a form of goodbye so I can move on. I still think about the past and need to start focusing on today/now and the things I can't and can control. I need to stop looking at your instagram and facebook pages...why you still keep photos of us up on your accounts makes no sense to me unless you just really could care less they are even there and your just filling new memories over them? it doesn't matter...you are gone...need to move forward.
airborne3502 Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Applied for three jobs today and appeared in a training video Yaaay Emily :bunny: You go girl! It's great to see you show up around here, but your admission that you post when you are hurting the most makes it a little bittersweet. That's why news such as this is welcome. 1
brostocow Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Day 12: about to go back to work. Had a good cry to ex today. Its like she is open to reconciling if I was different in 6 months, or 2 years. When does hope and false hope become something distinguishable?????? I want her back so bad, but she has put me through so much pain. Ive lost some 8kg and now I have this physical job I'll be doing in 30mins. It's just all way to hard.
EmilyJane Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 (edited) You go girl! It's great to see you show up around here, but your admission that you post when you are hurting the most makes it a little bittersweet. That's why news such as this is welcome. :love: ^^^literally my reactions to reading that. I actually am a bit blushy and stuck for words that aren't a smart@ss comment. So: Well to be fair I also post when I'm extremely bored and I'm very easily bored. And not yet working again. I think this place helps with the missing emotional connections to other human beings left after a relationship end. It does for me anyway. Telling other people the things I need to hear, giving them the support I need, helps. It helps with the pain and emptiness. Edited April 19, 2017 by EmilyJane
DarrenB Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” - Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist" 2
spiderowl Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Sad, confused, hurt, he's seeing someone now and she's more spontaneous than me. Do I really need to know this? No I don't. So, fed up with feeling demoralised, I go out and meet a new friend who is visiting area (yes friend). He tells me how attractive I am, that he would have kissed me if we have been in a private place, and that he couldn't stop thinking about me on his way home. Pity he's married. Definitely friends only from my point of view. Other MM that I chat to is sweet and funny but married. Just a friend. All this and none of it real love and anything lasting. I feel sad and confused despite the flattery. 2
higherground5 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Day 1 of no contact, no views on facebook, or instagram. no emails...nothing. I did think about her several times during the day, but I'm still trying to focus on NOW rather than memories and anticipations. I had a meeting with my life coach that went well and I'm looking into divorce support groups in the area.
Littlebird95 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Break up occured 5 weeks ago. We go to the same school (1 week left to university damn I cant wait), have the exact same group of friend during the semesters, same programs, so we see each other almost everyday. At first she was telling me we could try later on this summer or at the beginning of the next school year. I was holding on so much to this, that it litterally drowned me. I just exploded, telling her she ruined my life and I wanted hers to be ruined as well, hitted a wall. Now I'm just a stranger to her. (this event happened 2 weeks ago). 1st week after the event wasnt so bad, but since 2-3 days, everything is getting worse. I feel like i'm back at 0, I miss her so much, I'm quite ashamed of myself and regretful, cause I lost of for good by the way I reacted. I just cant deal with my emotions anymore.
Logo Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 (edited) There is comfort in letting myself feel my emotions, the sadness, not so much the fear. Lately I have been feeling that the euphoria, the exhilaration, that natural high I felt when I was with her is never going to come again. I feel as though those days are gone forever - Good times. And I know that 'It's up to me to change that' and that 'Happiness is a place we can choose to be'. But I just can't help but feel that way lately. Fear. "Don't Dream It's Over". Back then, it had been a long time since I felt the way I did during the period when I was with her. For a long time, I was alone. Then I met her and I felt alive again. My heart turned from gray to red and I felt passion and love again. I can't describe the joy I felt. No words can do it justice. However bad my day was, however difficult things got in life, I knew, that at the end of the day, she was there, my safe haven. When I looked into her eyes, all my worries and all my pain just melted away. I don't know how things turned out the way they did. Was her love disingenuous from the start? Was it all an act, one big charade for her own selfish needs? I would like to think she changed along the way, for some reason. In the end, she stabbed me in the heart and in the back. Ever since, especially after every failed attempt to connect with someone and build a relationship, I revert back to the happy memories of us together, if only to remind myself that there is still hope, that one day, soon, I might have that again. Apart of me feels annoyed that I am giving her so much credit after what she did. When I think about the hurtful things she said and did, I tell myself she's just not worth it. But, I can't help but hold on to the good memories too. They will always remain part of my life. And it's a strange realization knowing that I am holding onto the memories, an abstract concept, not onto her. She is no longer the person I thought she was and there is nothing I can do about that. Edited April 20, 2017 by Logo 1
Logo Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 There is comfort in letting myself feel my emotions, the sadness, not so much the fear. Lately I have been feeling that the euphoria, the exhilaration, that natural high I felt when I was with her is never going to come again. I feel as though those days are gone forever - Good times. And I know that 'It's up to me to change that' and that 'Happiness is a place we can choose to be'. But I just can't help but feel that way lately. Fear. "Don't Dream It's Over". Back then, it had been a long time since I felt the way I did during the period when I was with her. For a long time, I was alone. Then I met her and I felt alive again. My heart turned from gray to red and I felt passion and love again. I can't describe the joy I felt. No words can do it justice. However bad my day was, however difficult things got in life, I knew, that at the end of the day, she was there, my safe haven. When I looked into her eyes, all my worries and all my pain just melted away. When I woke up in the morning and saw her smiling eyes, it made my day and warmed my heart. I don't know how things turned out the way they did. Was her love disingenuous from the start? Was it all an act, one big charade for her own selfish needs? I would like to think she changed along the way, for some reason. In the end, she stabbed me in the heart and in the back. Ever since, especially after every failed attempt to connect with someone and build a relationship, I revert back to the happy memories of us together, if only to remind myself that there is still hope,that one day, soon, I might have that again. Apart of me feels annoyed that I am giving her so much credit after what she did. When I think about the hurtful things she said and did, I tell myself she's just not worth it. But, I can't help but hold on to the good memories too. They will always remain part of my life. And it's a strange realization knowing that I am holding onto the memories, an abstract concept, not onto her. She is no longer the person I thought she was and there is nothing I can do about that.
curiouslysearching Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 I feel empty today. Never feel empty...even when you feel like you are at your lowest point you truly aren't....if you have love in your heart then you are NEVER EMPTY 2
divegrl Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Never feel empty...even when you feel like you are at your lowest point you truly aren't....if you have love in your heart then you are NEVER EMPTY Thank you for your sweet and thoughtful words. The currency of God's grace is where my heart's song begins. You have a pure heart curiously. 1
sorano Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 How do I feel this evening. Hmmm. Life sucks. That about sums it up 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 How do I feel this evening. Hmmm. Life sucks. That about sums it up no my friend life does not suck...maybe, there are moments that suck but LIFE IS A BLESSING and something to embrace and be a part of I hope that whatever is weighing on you gets easier soon
divegrl Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 To anyone who is heartbroken. Who has tears streaming. Who's heart has been shattered. My wish is this may bring you hope and joy. There are stars you haven't seen, and loves you haven't loved. There's light you haven't felt and sunrises yet to dawn. There are dreams you haven't dreamt and days you haven't lived. Nights you won't forget and flowers yet to grow. There is more to you than you have yet to know. G.C I sincerely hope, one day, everyone on this forum has their heart filled with love and joy. 2
curiouslysearching Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 To anyone who is heartbroken. Who has tears streaming. Who's heart has been shattered. My wish is this may bring you hope and joy. There are stars you haven't seen, and loves you haven't loved. There's light you haven't felt and sunrises yet to dawn. There are dreams you haven't dreamt and days you haven't lived. Nights you won't forget and flowers yet to grow. There is more to you than you have yet to know. G.C I sincerely hope, one day, everyone on this forum has their heart filled with love and joy. that is beautiful your words help many people 1
higherground5 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Day 2 of nc...and i didn't look at any of her social media pages. I did write a goodbye letter to her parents and corresponded with them briefly; all good things to accept and move on. apart of me feels happy the letter wasn't answered in haste, or anger, they are very understanding people (which the ex-wife was the same). 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 NC Day 4 I have an urge to text him.... i won't. I'm not starting this over! I also miss him physically. I keep remembering how awesome the sex was. But of course it was awesome.... I was there! I finally see how this break up has affected my self esteem. This past month I have been letting everyone use me. My ex, my family, some friends. I was so hurt... that i was seeking the little bit of validation i could find from anyone and everyone. No more! My confidence is coming back.... and i have set boundaries. It was funny, my friend said i looked great today! I'm finally back to finding joy in life. Last night I made fish with imported spanish olive oil and thai basil. It was so delicious! I have also enjoyed reading the book Girl on a Train. It's fun. My 3 components to a healthy mind, body and soul. Meditation/praying, yoga and healthy eating. My yoga practice today was so juicy and yummy. Lounge lunge is absolutely the best pose for stretching apart the ribs and separating the spine. The whole no income thing is hard. I am meeting with a job counselor today. Trying to branch out and increase my connections. I know I'm am very skilled and I am navigating opportunities. One day at a time. One breath at a time. I sincerely hope everyone is finding joy in their lives again. Be well my friends. That is very true that taking things ONE DAY AT A TIME is the best path. When we try to look too far forward we tend to cloud our view of what is present in our lives. 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 NC Day 2 Life feels empty. I just wanna get blazed. does getting "blazed" help during the NC period? 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I relate to this so much. I just want to get rid of the hope of him returning...... Hope springs eternal and with that comes A CHANCE....a chance to reconcile, mend, heal, and start anew....Where there is a WILL there is ALWAYS A WAY 1
divegrl Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 That is very true that taking things ONE DAY AT A TIME is the best path. When we try to look too far forward we tend to cloud our view of what is present in our lives. You've felt this pain. Only someone who has experienced this can understand. When we are in the present moment, we are connected to GOD. We are connected to our lost loves. Praying for you. 1
divegrl Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Hope springs eternal and with that comes A CHANCE....a chance to reconcile, mend, heal, and start anew....Where there is a WILL there is ALWAYS A WAY Simply beautiful Thankful for the depths of hurt and the abundance of compassion. It brought me here. A connection. Some might say it's random, but I believe it's for a reason. The bravest thing we will ever do is LOVE again.
divegrl Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 does getting "blazed" help during the NC period? For the unaware, yesterday was 420. Stoners get lit at 420 on 420. I did not nor have I in months. " Be glad for these trials make you partners with Christ, in His suffering so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing HIS glory" 1 Peter 4:13
curiouslysearching Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 For the unaware, yesterday was 420. Stoners get lit at 420 on 420. I did not nor have I in months. " Be glad for these trials make you partners with Christ, in His suffering so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing HIS glory" 1 Peter 4:13 sorry, I am totally out of the loop on any of that.....and have no idea as to the significance of those numbers or what they designate. I was simply referencing "blazed" as to what it was and does it help....sorry for my ignorance 1
Recommended Posts