How are you coping today?

[Cora]

Aw, touching. Thank you.

 

 

No problem. I just know what it's like and still have to remind myself of it everyday. I see myself in a lot of your posts. We just have to hang in there.

[sorano]

Took a week off from the gym so my shoulders get a rest. I feel horrible when I don't go. I listened to some jazz tonight drinking a nice hot cappuccino. Relationship questions that I tried to answer tonight came up. I had images of certain events that were very meaningful during my last relationship. Had thoughts of failing in certain areas in life. Lots of negativity. Hopefully, I will wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow. Just one of those days.

[fairyfloff]

Late December after a few prank calls from him (after NC for 2m??) and me breaking contact to return his call. It set me back abit and I was at my lowest point of the breakup.

 

I don't know what triggered me, perhaps it was the constant disappointment I had with him and finally stuck with no contact since. My self-esteem was so low being with him and I lost all my self-respect and self-worth.

 

I did go on a few dates, but the guys are just too weird/antisocial/came on too strong and decided to give up as I am quite happy being by myself now. I thought omg is this what guys are left?! haha I'd rather stay single.

 

I "think" I am over it but is it wrong that I still sound quite bitter by not even wanting to acknowledge him if I ever met him again? I blocked him a while ago, just incase as I do not want to even risk feeling slightly sad about him ever again.

 

It is the hardest breakup I ever had but I feel that I am over it. I am back to my cheerful self all the time (not just when I am with friends). My confidence is at 110% and I feel great :-). I am not going to let his negativity bring me down and affect my happiness nor change who I am (besides not letting someone walk all over me again).

 

It does take time, it is HARD! NC is a MUST to recover. I somehow managed to get out of it myself, as when I was in that depression mode, I did not want to go out or see anyone. It was baby steps, one day at a time as many have put it, but I got there and YOU WILL TOO!

Stay strong all!

Edited March 20, 2017 by fairyfloff

[Logo]

I haven't felt like this in a long time, but tonight, I've got this bout of loneliness accompanied by deep sadness.

 

I know that there is no point in contacting her. The relationship is history. But I've been hurt so much in my last 2 relationships that I'm trying to be very picky this time around so as to increase the chances of the next relationship being successful in the longer term. I just can't take the grieving process anymore, one after another.

 

But I'm starting to wonder when I'm going to find that person. I have this fear that it might be years before I meet that person. And the thought scares me.

 

Tonight I miss her touch, I miss her smile, our laughs together, the good times, so much so that I don't even care that she cheated.

 

A few days ago I felt angry about the thought of her having cheated. But tonight, I just wish she was in my arms. I feel like I want to cry, with all the sadness that's in me, but I'm finding it hard to do so.

 

Maybe I need a rebound relationship? No. That's not fair. Maybe I need to be less picky and just try and go on dates at least. I'm not even going out on dates. I rule them out the minute the other person says or does something that raises the tiniest red flag.

 

I'm also starting to feel that my social skills are taking a hit. Yesterday, while I was out and having fun, for a brief moment I felt that I wanted to be home alone doing my own thing.

 

But I need to stay sharp, and keep interacting. Crawling under a rock won't help.

 

If I were to start and compare how different my life is now to the way it was last year, it would make me even more depressed and I'd probably start to sob.

 

I'm an entirely different person now.

 

And when the breadcrumbs stopped, I felt a second wave of grief. It felt good knowing she was still thinking about me, but now I feel like I have vanished from her life and she from mine that it's so sad.

 

Any thoughts?

[Nox]

Logo, it seems almost like I wrote it myself. (Though I don't miss him as much as I am still hurt by him).

 

As for the red flag thing, that might be good though - you want to learn from your mistakes. Yeah, I know it can lead to an extreme where nobody is good enough, but while you're still hurt over your ex it's perfectly fine not to get into some new crap.

I for one would much rather be forever alone than get cheated on by the one I love one more time. It's not even the fear of being hurt, it's simply a desire to not repeat the same mistake.

 

But I'm starting to wonder when I'm going to find that person. I have this fear that it might be years before I meet that person. And the thought scares me.

Totally my thoughts. The rest of your post as well, as I already mentioned, but especially this part.

 

On the other hand I just don't have the energy to "give it a try". I thought my ex was the one. After being with a man I thought would be my husband until I die, letting someone else in is not as easy as it was before (it obviously wasn't hard for my ex though ).

I had some guys hit on me and say "let's give it a try"... No. I don't wanna do that stupid "try" thing. Don't even come near me if you don't mean it seriously.

I guess I would be way more comfortable getting to know someone as a person, in a friendly way, and if we'd decide to try, we'd at least know the reason why we're doing it. From this perspective, dating seems like the worst way possible to actually meet someone.

 

I'm not sure my thoughts were any help, since I guess those are mostly your thoughts as well... Well, if it's any consolation, you're not alone in your misery.

[AnotherNewBeginning]

I haven't felt like this in a long time, but tonight, I've got this bout of loneliness accompanied by deep sadness.

 

I know that there is no point in contacting her. The relationship is history. But I've been hurt so much in my last 2 relationships that I'm trying to be very picky this time around so as to increase the chances of the next relationship being successful in the longer term. I just can't take the grieving process anymore, one after another.

 

But I'm starting to wonder when I'm going to find that person. I have this fear that it might be years before I meet that person. And the thought scares me.

 

Tonight I miss her touch, I miss her smile, our laughs together, the good times, so much so that I don't even care that she cheated.

 

A few days ago I felt angry about the thought of her having cheated. But tonight, I just wish she was in my arms. I feel like I want to cry, with all the sadness that's in me, but I'm finding it hard to do so.

 

Maybe I need a rebound relationship? No. That's not fair. Maybe I need to be less picky and just try and go on dates at least. I'm not even going out on dates. I rule them out the minute the other person says or does something that raises the tiniest red flag.

 

I'm also starting to feel that my social skills are taking a hit. Yesterday, while I was out and having fun, for a brief moment I felt that I wanted to be home alone doing my own thing.

 

But I need to stay sharp, and keep interacting. Crawling under a rock won't help.

 

If I were to start and compare how different my life is now to the way it was last year, it would make me even more depressed and I'd probably start to sob.

 

I'm an entirely different person now.

 

And when the breadcrumbs stopped, I felt a second wave of grief. It felt good knowing she was still thinking about me, but now I feel like I have vanished from her life and she from mine that it's so sad.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Stay strong, brother.

I'm on day six of my split from a ex who went from drunken infidelities she begged forgiveness for (and i stupidly did) to a full blown affair that she confessed to after telling me she no longer loved me.

Six weeks ago, she was telling me she loved me and never wanted to be without me.

I'm in a world of pain right now, but I'd hate myself if i went back to the self-centered tramp with a drink problem now.

Cheaters cheat. Drunks drink. It's who they are. They can't help themselves.

[DarrenB]

I'll be as cliche as the next person, but not everyone you lose is to be considered a loss.

 

You should not be rendered broken and hurt because a specific scenario or predicament has ended and left you in grief and despair. There is chance to evolve, as well as a chance to move forward.

 

Let's be cliche again: people change, feelings change, situations change and sometimes unfortunately it's inevitable; nothing lasts forever. As pessimistic as it sounds, it's life and it's the way it is. Time, patience and happiness is a virtue. We are able to enable ourselves to create and witness new experiences every day! why must we allow such irrelevant feelings, emotions and even people ruin what we can create for ourselves? Why allow those considered to be obsolete define who we are as a person, or our lives in general?

 

There's a disparity between moving forward and coping. I see moving forward as progression, I see coping as as struggle to progress. You want to be able to reminisce about past experiences and not feel raw anguish, rather than dwell and hope that things will change, that they will change or anything will change. Change is created by ourselves and how we intend to do that is entirely personal preference.

 

Don't assume only one person can create happiness in your life. Allow yourself to allow others to fulfill that feeling for you, better yet do it yourself. Allow yourself to have a true feeling of fulfillment.

[Logo]

I was thinking the other day of seeing a therapist. But I'm not sure if retelling my history is going to be of any benefit. We'd sit there and try to analyze everything and rehash things.

 

It's only going to reawaken stronger emotions in me. I don't want that.

 

She said some hurtful things toward the end. And they echo in my head from time to time and I think to myself, "Perhaps she was right".

 

I mean, she had some serious issues herself and for her to judge me like she did seemed like a lousy excuse to justify her deeds.

 

I don't really miss what she became at the end, I miss the feelings I experienced when I was with someone I loved.

 

Love felt like an addiction and the breakup sent me into withdrawal. I don't remember that many instances in life when I was truly happy. But being with her made me truly happy. Someone else will come along and will probably make me feel the same or better. Someone who will truly appreciate me.

 

After the breakup I was determined to cope and I did. I had a new daily routine and I stuck to it. I was doing better until the day I lost my job. I remember taking the bus home and feeling defeated. I sat there, numb, I even missed my stop. I felt like someone who'd been sucker punched.

 

First the relationship then the job. I was grieving again. I was shocked. That experience sent me in a downward spiral of depression.

 

I want to be happy again. It's in my power to make myself happy. I suppose that's what life is all about. It knocks you down, you get up again and try. Then it knocks you down again. And you stand up again and try again. The cycle continues.

 

The future scares me. It shouldn't be that way. But it does.

 

I got to stay strong. I can't allow myself to fall into this proverbial mudslide.

[Apple1977]

Really sad today in a position I shouldn't even be in but don't have any choice to ask for what I think I should have a choice in. Just would like to find a women who loves me and wants to have a loving caring trusting relationship

[Logo]

better yet do it yourself. Allow yourself to have a true feeling of fulfillment.

 

Im with you on that. Sometimes I feel exhausted and defeated, though. Like someone who builds castles in the sand only to have them washed away when the high tide comes.

 

I need to dig deep and find a strong will and some hope. I must.

[Nox]

Logo, I think the job thing might be crucial here. I don't know how your professional situation is going now, but I assume focusing on that would give you some sense of purpose.

 

The thing that helps me the most in this situation is thinking that I will conquer this feeling of pain and this whole experience will make me stronger. I try looking at it as a chance to make myself better. That is the biggest consolation I can find.

[Outspokenwallflower]

It's going to take a long time to get over his bull****. I'm still so angry, every time I see him (which is unfortunately 5 days out of the week) I can barely look at his face. I try not to make it obvious to coworkers, but the tension and anxiety his presence causes me is apparent to some, and it pisses me off that I'm feeling this way while he's just as relaxed and chill as ever. He knows what he's done is messed up and wrong, but he's feeling good about being able to sweep it under the rug.

 

I hate him, and I hate what he's done to my overall attitude for the past month. I HATE him.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I woke up yesterday and came to the realization that I haven't been hurting for a good while now. I can't pinpoint when I went from feeling daily heartache to not, but I think it would have to be at least a week or two now. I find it so weird that I didn't notice when it happened. You would think after dealing with pain every day for the last 5 or so months the lack of it would be immediately noticeable.

 

I never thought I would get to the point where my heart would stop hurting for my ex. I truly believed that the pain would last forever. I've never been so glad to be so wrong. I do still get twinges now and again and I still think about him more than I should but it's nothing like it was before.

 

I feel hope for the future and I'm content with being single. I've learned a lot about myself, what I want, and what boundaries I need to have respected by a partner in order to feel happy and healthy in a relationship. I see my failed relationship with my ex now as not a painful loss but as a catalyst to bettering myself and getting to know myself on levels I didn't before. I'm looking and feeling better than I have in years and in a lot of ways I have him leaving me to thank for that. It gave me the motivation I had been lacking for years and I put the hard work into it.

 

I'm not saying I'm completely over him or won't have relapses (this is especially true if I have to see him again in a couple months if he does come back to work with my company), but I'm pretty confident saying that going back to square one is no longer an option. Knocked on wood there just in case I was tempting fate a bit too much with that statement lol.

 

All in all, I'm hopeful that perhaps one day I'll meet someone, but if not, that's ok too.

[Logo]

I assume focusing on that would give you some sense of purpose.

 

 

I totally agree. That's the key. Thanks.

[Gillys]

I haven’t felt this sad in a while. I cut contact 4 months ago after a painful interaction. Luckily, all breadcrumbs ceased that day as well…most likely because I didn’t wish my ex a happy birthday the week after I initiated NC.

 

In the past 4 months, I have consumed myself with studying for a licensure exam necessary for my next career. I found out this week that I passed my exam which was a big victory for me (especially since I was so emotionally damaged during my first attempt at this licensure exam, I couldn’t study effectively enough, failed, lost a great job and had to put my life on hold until I passed). Anyway, after this huge professional and personal achievement this week, I’m left with lots of spare time before I start my new career in a few months. I’ve been trying to stay busy by studying for work, reading, visiting family, working out, etc. but I’ve noticed that empty and sad feeling has returned. I should be happy that my life is finally getting back on track. I have no desire to reconnect with my ex and I know she never loved me (she told me to my face that she loved me post BU). Yet I don’t understand where all this sadness is coming from. Maybe because I accidentally saw a pic of her recently when a mutual friend laid her phone down?? I haven’t as much as said my ex’s name out loud in months, I removed any possible triggers/ reminders from my house and my friends know to never bring her up. Perhaps accidentally seeing that photo just poked at the healing wound again??

 

I’m kind of frustrated with myself for feeling this way. Even though this was my first real love and LTR, I feel like I should have moved on completely by now, its almost been 10 months since the relationship completed ended. I was naive and let myself get jerked around for months following the breakup so official communication didn’t end until 4 months ago. But this week, I’ve gone from being strong and confident, never wanting to see my heartbreaking ex again ----> to feeling mildly rejected and numb again.

[sorano]

You just have to let time do its thing. I learned that we are all different on how we heal. we all feel different, each relationship is different, how they impacted your life, etc. so many variables. Nobody can tell us it will last x amount of time and you will feel healed and happy. we do go through the same steps while our hearts are broken. There are phases and we do relapse. I thought by 6 months I was going to be free. It actually got worse and relapsed. I wouldn't put a time limit on your progress. Just ride out the emotions and go with it.

 

I got dumped 14 months ago. came a long way. I improved a lot. Even though I can't stand her anymore, don't wish her well, etc, if I pass by a place that we went to or happen to stumble upon a new restaurant that looks really cool, I will get a little sad. I do feel a little down tonight. Its a mix of different things going on. That then triggers some memories of my last relationship and it sucks. It does hurt still. Not as bad, but still there.

 

I

[DarrenB]

It's your Battle of the Bands event tonight. The only reason I know is because multiple colleagues have invited me out to it, as their children are a part of the show. I wish I could go, but I don't want things to arise and provoke any unnecessary awkwardness. It's a shame it's had to come to it, it could have been so easily avoided. Alas, it happens.

 

This time last year we were incredibly happy, and everything fell into place. The difference a year can make is immense.

 

Hope it goes well.

[Deadmeat]

I'm fine for the most part. I'm with another girl now and although I don't want to be in a relationship just yet with her, she is eager to be my girlfriend. It's funny, she reminds me of myself with my ex.

 

Besides that, I was driving to work and a particularly sad song came on and it reminded me of an instance with the ex. Near the last 2 weeks of when we were still on speaking terms post breakup, I recall her saying thay she just felt "meh" when I asked her about her thoughts on our relationship. I was so caught up in trying to get her back that I totally didn't read into that. In hindsight, I should have hung up the phone on her and blocked communications. Instead, I begged for her to give me a chance.

 

I cringe when I think about that day. I still miss her and I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be happy if she came begging for me. I really did love her. Thanks Mariah Carey.

[JollyDays]

Is it okay to say that I miss someone 12-13 years after the fact? I've met many women, messed around with a few, but nobody seems to compare. I haven't been in a relationship since then, and it's not because nobody wanted me. It's just that I didn't want to rob any women of true happiness. And I've been okay 90% of my days. It's just that on occasion, the memory of her floats to my mental surface, and I have a day or two of profound depression and sadness. It's pathetic, so I'll stop right here. Have a great day Loveshackers.

[Cookies101]

Ugh, not having a good day at all. Feeling a mixture of anger, frustration, missing her. Embarrassment about how she treated me, how i let her treat me that is. Read over some old text messages and the constant struggle that i had with her was so obvious, and i feel sorry for myself. Sorry, that I had to go through that, and practically demand or beg to know where i stood in her life.

[Logo]

 

Besides that, I was driving to work and a particularly sad song came on and it reminded me of an instance with the ex. Near the last 2 weeks of when we were still on speaking terms post breakup, I recall her saying thay she just felt "meh" when I asked her about her thoughts on our relationship. I was so caught up in trying to get her back that I totally didn't read into that. In hindsight, I should have hung up the phone on her and blocked communications. Instead, I begged for her to give me a chance.

 

 

It's natural. Sometimes looking back, I think to myself, "What was I thinking?"

 

I didn't beg, but I thought we could work things out, smooth out some of the bumps along the way.

 

And like you, I say to myself I should hung up the phone or dropped her off by the side of the road and told her she could Uber home after the cruel crap she said.

 

Sometimes we miss the trees for the forest, that we forget the important details staring us in the face.

 

I learned a lot. I treat women like a gentleman, but if they take advantage of that, I don't put up with it. They're not doing me a favor.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Logo

[Logo]

I don't think about her as much as I used to, but I haven't met anyone who's relationship material yet.

 

Just after the breakup, I went on more dates than I have in the last 2 months.

The problem was that back then I wasn't over the relationship. Now that I'm eager to meet other women and start a relationship, I don't have the same level of cool confidence to approach women. It's weird.

[Wuku]

It's 15 months since we last saw each other or spoke to one another, and it's a year since our last text messages were exchanged.

 

It seems sad and wrong to let something I believed to be so special just fade into the past, but it's slowly happening as time moves on. I still miss her company, and I would rather have her in my life than not, but she isn't, and that's her choice.

 

I can be quite a sentimental and nostalgic person, and that keeps me thinking about things more than I should, so I need to deal with that quite forcibly to move on permanently. Sometimes I wonder if I get some sort of perverse self torturous comfort from ruminating about her.

 

However, I'm not thinking about her as much as I was, or as deeply, though she's still there daily. I still love her. But the pain is dull and more distant now. It's becoming alien to me, and I'm more settled than I have been in a long time. I'm looking forward to the day that I suddenly realise I haven't been thinking about her at all.

 

I no longer have any belief or expectation that we might meet up in the future, and I feel content with that. In fact I'm not sure I want to get involved with anyone, and I am quite happy on my own.

 

It's nothing I haven't said before. But now I really feel I'm making progress. Time is slowly healing, and dulling the aches of pain. I'm tired of having it weigh so heavily on my mind, and I'm relieved that it is having less and less of a hold on me as the days go by.

 

The realisation that she has moved on now and hasn't looked back or given a thought or care to me makes me wonder why the fires for her are still burning within me. It also makes me angry when I realise that she blamed me totally for everything, but with the help of other viewpoints, I can now see how much she got wrong too, and where she was to blame. These things, as hard as they are to admit, are a help in moving on.

 

Nevertheless, she will always be special to me, despite how things turned out or how I was made to believe it was all me. I wonder if I will always carry a torch for her. I think I will always miss her, and even now I still have moments of sadness and emptiness, and part of me still feels it wants to hang on to what was. But I have to let go, and she is beginning to slip away into memory and the past and my feelings are changing with that process. That's both good and sad, but ultimately it's what must happen.

[DarrenB]

Saw you with another man, that's my clarification that there is no going back.

 

I won't ever take it personal, you look happier.

 

I hope one day I'll be able to do the same.

[sorano]

Very mature on how your handling it darren. Good man. I know it may sting a little. Your day will come.