How are you coping today?

[StrangerThanFiction]

So after a friend telling me that my ex had decided to stay in his home province and not come back to mine to work this spring I was devastated. I was upset because on some level I had counted on him coming back so I could show him what he decided to miss out on when we broke up. I felt I needed that validation from him and having that option taken away felt crushing. However, over the few days after that I came to accept it and realized that that belief was what had been holding me back from fully moving on. I finally let it go and was healing for real. I hadn't heard from him in 2 weeks when he would usually call once a week to "catch up" so I figured that was also confirmation that he was staying because why keep contact with someone you're not going to see ever again.

 

Then a couple days later he calls. Due to my damn weak will and my desire to hear from his own lips that he wasn't coming back, I answered. Chatted about nothing for awhile and then I asked him if he was coming back. He said that yeah he was. I was floored. I told him that I had heard he wasn't and he said he doesn't know where this person got that idea. I experienced a whole wave of conflicting emotions but I decided to deal with them after we got off the phone. We talked about random other things and he said that when he got back he had an interest in hanging out and hinted a few times about doing more than just hanging out. On one hand I'm tempted because he was really good in the bedroom department, but on the other hand it enraged and disgusted me because apparently I'm not good enough to be a girlfriend but I'm good enough to ****.

 

After we hung up I had to sit down and work my way through how I felt. I was angry and upset because I had finally come to accept that everything between us was over and I had begun to really move on, but I was also happy and excited to see him again because, yes, a part of me does still miss him and part of me still wants validation. What gives me hope is that the part of me that doesn't want him to come back has the majority. I had made such progress in the days following me hearing he wasn't coming back and I'm not going to let myself backslide. I do feel stronger now than I was and the pain I was feeling even a couple weeks ago has diminished drastically. I need to do some thinking.

[OntarioBoy]

Doing a little better today. Think I have really accepted that she wasn't interested in me. The day actually started off pretty good. I kind of felt free, as for a long while it felt like I was in limbo. Not really sure where we stood. Now I know. But as the day progressed I started to feel down again, sad that things didn't work out the way I had hoped. And worried that she thinks I'm a creep, and others will too.

[honestyisalwaysbest]

Ontario boy. I am from Ontario. I am crying a lot these past few days. I am not doing so well either. I feel very stupid and played. I was looking on facebook and everyone seems so happy and involved in their lives. I started to realize, that when he said I was the last option of the day, he may have been right. I am in tears a lot but most people know me in my life, I think they have gotten used to it. Yesterday at work, I lied and said I sprayed windex in my eyes and carried on to finish my duties. I feel really horrible and know that if I keep up with this routine, that time will bring something better. The more I do this crappy night job, the more desire I have to finish school and my next course starts March 22nd. I will not make life before forty. I sound interesting only I am 34. I think I just have to hold on and accept what I am over the next year. It was a different type of morning, I just accept I am no where near these women on my facebook!

 

 

My friend Craig is coming for a camping weekend on the basis I dress better. He has been embarrassed to be seen with me. Mind you, he's not that much better so I just try to show gratitude for the things I do have. If I could go back to one day, I would ask god not to have given this guy to my life. If I could have never met him, he would have never left his thumb print.. The only regret I have is meeting him!

[DarrenB]

'I have seen many storms in my life.

Most storms have caught me by surprise, so I had to learn very quickly to look further and understand that I am not capable of controlling the weather,

to exercise the art of patience and to respect the fury of nature.'

 

- Paulo Coelho, Like A Flowing River.

[sorano]

when your happy being by yourself again. Have extra money in your pocket. Don't have to deal with bs. The days are getting better.

 

My buddy keeps telling me his dating stories with different women. why does she treat me like this, why do we argue over this, why is this women acting like this, why is the other one like that. He asks me for my opinion and I tell him I dont really care and I dont have the answers to that anymore. I am just glad I dont have to deal with that anymore I says. Feels good man.

[Cora]

Not doing the greatest tonight. God it's hard to believe next month will be 2 years since I've seen him last. It does not seem that long. Time has flown by, yet time has stood still for me. I still remember him just like yesterday. I've been dating on and off over the past couple years, but my thoughts still turn to him. I dreamt about him recently. The dream seemed so real. It was the most passionate dream I've had about him. I woke up sad. Sad because it made me miss him more....miss his embrace. My life is now divided up into two parts. Life before him and life after him. Funny how I don't remember life much before him. It's all a blur. It doesn't help much that I still look him up on Facebook. For the past two years I've been watching his new romance unfold. (Don't know why I still call it new). Just watching from afar. Seeing pictures of them together, of their trips, spending Christmas with each other's families. It's just torture, but I can't pull away. She is getting more than I ever got with him. I never even got to meet his friends and family. I wasn't special enough. I've been thinking a lot about what I would say to him if I got to see him one last time. I would say to him to just tell me to my face that he no longer wanted to see me....that his interest was lost...that his love had died. I would beg him to give me that closure. Instead of just withering away never to speak to me again. I wish that he'd just either come back to me or I'd hurry up and get over him. But I can't take being stuck in this limbo anymore. My heart still beats, but it is broken...

 

Listening to song to the siren, by this mortal coil repeatedly and crying my eyes out.

Edited March 10, 2017 by Cora

[MeadowFlower]

I should know by now it is foolish to hope.

[sorano]

Not doing the greatest tonight. God it's hard to believe next month will be 2 years since I've seen him last. It does not seem that long. Time has flown by, yet time has stood still for me. I still remember him just like yesterday. I've been dating on and off over the past couple years, but my thoughts still turn to him. I dreamt about him recently. The dream seemed so real. It was the most passionate dream I've had about him. I woke up sad. Sad because it made me miss him more....miss his embrace. My life is now divided up into two parts. Life before him and life after him. Funny how I don't remember life much before him. It's all a blur. It doesn't help much that I still look him up on Facebook. For the past two years I've been watching his new romance unfold. (Don't know why I still call it new). Just watching from afar. Seeing pictures of them together, of their trips, spending Christmas with each other's families. It's just torture, but I can't pull away. She is getting more than I ever got with him. I never even got to meet his friends and family. I wasn't special enough. I've been thinking a lot about what I would say to him if I got to see him one last time. I would say to him to just tell me to my face that he no longer wanted to see me....that his interest was lost...that his love had died. I would beg him to give me that closure. Instead of just withering away never to speak to me again. I wish that he'd just either come back to me or I'd hurry up and get over him. But I can't take being stuck in this limbo anymore. My heart still beats, but it is broken...

 

Listening to song to the siren, by this mortal coil repeatedly and crying my eyes out.

 

why do you keep torturing yourself by still following his life and what he is doing or who he is dating and how its unfolding? Your comparing yourself to her as well. You can't keep doing that. Your wound will just get deeper and deeper and it will take even longer to heal. Its like going to the gym. You repeatedly keep damaging the muscle fibers over and over and over giving it no rest. The muscles wont heal. It needs time off. It has to rest. You are aware of the problem at least. You need to fix it and block him.

 

I cried my eyes out when that disgusting beast dumped me. I still get angry if I think about it. But the sadness is slowly going away. It goes get better. You need no contact. You need hobbies and you need to keep busy.

 

It will be ok. In the end, it will all be fine. Always remember. Pain, suffering, sadness, sickness, whatever, will all dissipate and go away. It wont last. It will all get better.

[Logo]

Stagnation.

 

What we don't do in life echoes in obscurity.

 

I have big plans and big dreams, but it's safe to say that I've lived most of my life in the past, usually waking up at the 11th hour, instead of catching that proverbial surf at the right moment rather than staring at the wave that had just broken by the shore and wondering "If only....".

 

This procrastination is comfortable. It's convenient. I keep telling myself perhaps I need to see a therapist, but then I realize that there's nothing wrong with me. I choose to be down and stay down. Nothing but myself is stopping me from achieving my goals. And the excuses? They are there.

 

I have disliked myself more than I have liked myself in life. Must I see myself as a smart and strong and talented man through others' validation only?

 

No!

 

 

I saw a movie entitled The Sea of Trees tonight. At some point the lost man asked the husband if he loved his wife and the husband said that he did, more than anything in the world. "Why did you cheat on her?" asked the lost man. And the husband said that it just happened. He didn't know why. It was just one of those things that you don't think about, you do them and they just happen.

 

I don't know why I'm so hung up on the why. I don't know why she cheated on me. I think it somehow bothers me that I had high hopes. I feel that the time I spent getting to know her and enjoying my time with her and then grieving the relationship, all that, I could have spent with someone else, or doing something else. But would I do it differently had I known the outcome? I don't know.

 

All I want to know is if it was real. What parts of the relationship were real? That unsettling feeling keeps nagging me.

[Deadmeat]

If ever you're in my arms again, what I wouldn't do...

[divegrl]

I should know by now it is foolish to hope.

 

I feel you......

[Logo]

A few things on my mind.....

 

 

I'm really grateful for this online community.

 

You have no idea how helpful it has been to be able to open up, share my feelings, get a little cheering up from time to time and know that I'm not alone, that my feelings are normal, universal and human. People around me, as loving as caring as they are, family and friends alike, have for a long time now been tired of hearing about my ex, my grieving and my rehashing of old feelings.

 

I wish there was a support group like this where people could meet in person.

 

The other thing I want to mention is that I went out tonight, stepped back a bit, to relieve some of the pressure I have been putting on myself to find someone, and though I didn't find anyone I could say I hit it off with, I had a good time with my friends and a good time socializing with other people. It felt good for the first time in a long time.

 

I have been depressed lately and tonight gave me a good boost.

 

Lastly, you know those short flashes you get about your ex? It could be of a moment when she and you or he and you were having a great time, laughing yourselves to tears, embracing and looking into each other's eyes with love and affection. I hate it it when flashes like that, like a short-lived blip, sneaks up on me when I'm having a good time. It takes me back to a place I mistakenly think I can be again and it makes me feel like someone had kicked me in the knees. That's when I find myself missing her.

 

So I quickly pick myself up and try to focus on the present. I hope, soon, to find the right person. Until then, I just need to go with the flow and enjoy the moment.

 

Thanks for reading.

[DarrenB]

A few things on my mind.....

 

 

I'm really grateful for this online community.

 

You have no idea how helpful it has been to be able to open up, share my feelings, get a little cheering up from time to time and know that I'm not alone, that my feelings are normal, universal and human. People around me, as loving as caring as they are, family and friends alike, have for a long time now been tired of hearing about my ex, my grieving and my rehashing of old feelings.

 

I wish there was a support group like this where people could meet in person.

 

The other thing I want to mention is that I went out tonight, stepped back a bit, to relieve some of the pressure I have been putting on myself to find someone, and though I didn't find anyone I could say I hit it off with, I had a good time with my friends and a good time socializing with other people. It felt good for the first time in a long time.

 

I have been depressed lately and tonight gave me a good boost.

 

Lastly, you know those short flashes you get about your ex? It could be of a moment when she and you or he and you were having a great time, laughing yourselves to tears, embracing and looking into each other's eyes with love and affection. I hate it it when flashes like that, like a short-lived blip, sneaks up on me when I'm having a good time. It takes me back to a place I mistakenly think I can be again and it makes me feel like someone had kicked me in the knees. That's when I find myself missing her.

 

So I quickly pick myself up and try to focus on the present. I hope, soon, to find the right person. Until then, I just need to go with the flow and enjoy the moment.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Every cloud has a silver lining. Embrace the world and your life for what it is. A previous significant other and the despair and commotion that had arisen from it doesn't define your life, nor will it define your future.

 

You've come a long way in regards to progression and i'm sure in self-gratification and development, like a lot of us here have.

 

Fundamentally, most of us all feel the same or alike. I like this community for what it is; a supportive environment.

 

I sincerely hope you're able to look forward from this and her. You'll soon find the happiness of which you deserve, again as all of us will.

[DarrenB]

'If you only walk on sunny days, you'll never reach your destination'

- Paulo Coehlo, Aleph.

[sorano]

Funny thing happened today. I found a letter that my ex wrote me about how amazing we were together and that our future was looking good. she gave it to me when I asked her to be my girl friend. LOL. right. It was like a whole page. I can't believe I actually believed her. I thought I threw everything away.

 

I placed the letter on the floor. stomped on it to let my anger out, spit on it, and set it on fire. Boy did it feel good.

 

To the long island BEAST, lil wayne said, "and the bible told us that every girl was sour. Dont play in her garden and dont smell her flower." poor adam, poor me. You pig.

[MrPlop]

My bday went by without a trace of her... there's a certain peace at knowing everything is just a memory now. Good thing I had some friends to count on.

[Logo]

Thanks, DarrenB.

 

It's a roller coaster.

 

Whenever I feel stressed, I wish she was by my side. She made all my worries go away, soothed my soul.

 

But, nothing lasts forever.

 

Every day is a struggle with my own depression which I have developed recently.

 

I was actually feeling much better 2 months after the breakup than I feel now.

 

Now I just feel like all the joy has been sucked out of me and I'm a chewed piece of gum that has lost all the flavor.

 

I need to put a daily plan in place and follow my program. Stay the course and keep going. Soon I'll find someone who will make me feel that she has been waiting for me her entire life.

[Jagged100]

I'm feeling a bit lost today, I had a dream about my ex. In the dream we had met again and were discussing getting back together. It's hard to wake up and face the cold reality of not being together. I've had a rough couple of weeks and I'm proud that I haven't tried to reach out to my ex at all. I'm hoping this is just a phase.

[Cora]

"Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again." -Carol Rifka Brunt

[Howaheartbreaks]

I'm hitting towards a month a half since break up and I'm finding it harder than before to cope. The first month I was so busy with people wanting to comfort me and now after a month they've all disappeared. No one messages me or wants to hang out anymore and I'm having to suffer with the reality of just being alone without a partner.

 

I can logically say "it's broken, he isn't ever coming back and someone who broke up instead of trying with me isn't worth my time because someone out there would never let me go". But I'm still "but I just want it to be him."

[MeadowFlower]

I'm not sure but he's maybe changed, got into liking darker things. That's dumb. You're a nice guy, why do you have to be 'ruined' by that stuff, by liking that stuff.

[hermitcrab]

I didn't walk anywhere near his house today. I used to get some stupid hope that maybe I would run into him near his house while out walking down his street, but that's gone. I don't even want to see him now, and I'll go out of my way to avoid his street from now on.

[MeadowFlower]

Never forget that he does not like me, that he does not care, and that I am not special to him, always.

[Cora]

Never forget that he does not like me, that he does not care, and that I am not special to him, always.

 

Never forget that he does not deserve someone as special as you.

[MeadowFlower]

Never forget that he does not deserve someone as special as you.

Aw, touching. Thank you.