MeadowFlower Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 (edited) It's all or nothing. Edited February 21, 2017 by MeadowFlower
StrangerThanFiction Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I am an absolute mess today and have been since yesterday. I feel like I'm back at square one and I don't understand why. I've been crying Yesterday I found out through a friend that my ex had told another friend that he wasn't coming back to my province for work in the spring, that he'd decided to stay in his own province. At first I was relieved because this meant that I'd never have to see him again and I could focus on moving on instead of worrying about having to see him in a couple months. Then out of nowhere all I felt was pain. It feels like the break up all over again. It's goodbye again. I guess it makes sense now as to why I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. Why keep up contact with someone you're never going to see again, right? My heads just a mess right now. I've been cigarette-free for the last 7 days so maybe the nicotine withdrawals have something to do with my inability to control my emotions and thoughts because, man, am I a wreck. I can't stop crying. All I want to do is call him and beg him to come back. I just want to tell him how much I miss him and how much I wish we had had more time. All stuff that people usually do at the beginning of a break up. I guess a part of me had hoped that he would come back. I'm going to go try to sleep, maybe that'll help.
Jadedbyluv Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Every day is different, and it's a rollercoaster of emotions. The last few days I have cried a lot. More than I think I've ever cried. I miss him so much. I miss the potential we had. Knowing that we had something good, and knowing he knew that but decided he just couldn't commit is beyond disappointing. I miss our long phone calls. I miss waking up next to him in the mornings, running my fingers through his hair. I always stayed a little longer just to snuggle with him. I miss walking up the street to the local restaurant, holding hands and laughing. I miss the way his face would always light up when he saw me. I miss him always opening every door for me and walking on the outside of the sidewalk. I miss his kiss. I miss his laugh and crazy stories. I miss his touch. I miss his smile. I miss him playing with my cats despite him being highly allergic. I miss the plans we made and the future stuff we talked about. I miss everything. Just a few months ago, my friends were telling me they had never seen me this happy. They never heard me talk about anybody like this. It was crazy to think or even imagine but I honestly thought this was it. The "one" so to speak. We had a connection on so many levels and were very complementary of one another as well. He even said that we were lucky to have what we had because most people look for it but never find it. I'm not sure what changed. Not sure what happened. I can't force him in a relationship. Can't make him change his mind. It is disappointing and breaks my heart. To feel something so real and it just end is devastating. It's been really difficult to accept it's over. Part of me wants to hold on to some type of hope that he will see what we had is worth it. But I know that is foolish. As heartbroken as I am, he showed me what real love should look like and feel like. It's not how I wanted it to end but we had a great relationship. For the time we were together, it was something special. Just having to cope with the end is so hard. 1
sorano Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Got another date tonight. But this time instead of the 120lb dumbbells, its with the hammer strength one arm rows. where is the date? Golds gym. 2
Cookies101 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Am coping today, but am really angry. Angry that she threw me away so quickly, angry that she chased me, and then when she thought she 'had' me, she withdrew and threw me away when i became anxious and started asking questions, which of course, lead to me becoming agitated. Angry that it is easier for her to meet with strangers, than take some time out to really think about "us", and her role in it. I guess i have to face the truth, and the truth is as is above!
Logo Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I improved a little earlier this week. Then, today, I started feeling sorry for her and sad. I missed her and missed being with her and I felt sorry for her for being so misguided. Is self-blame part of the grieving process? Lately I have been feeling guilty for some of the things that I had said and done. Is it possible that she felt that I took her granted at some point and that's why she decided to cheat, out of anger and resentment? She wasn't exactly innocent in the way she neglected the relationship at some point and the way she went about doing things behind my back. So what am I supposed to make of it all? Is it possible that I'm frustrated because I haven't met anyone yet and I'm trying to justify her actions so that I can reach out to her? Why am I so confused? 1
sorano Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 Time to alter my cocktails of vitamins. Put my knowledge to use and take my own advice. Going to throw in some mood enhancers for a little short time to see if I can feel a little better. 1
Logo Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 (edited) Present company excluded, but f**** women. They think they're something special. I've decided that I'm not chasing after any woman anymore. Women should be chasing me. They act all stuck up as if they're better than me. I'm going to take a break from looking for someone, just do what I enjoy in life and if I happen to bump into someone, so be it. There's a limit to what my heart can take. I was going to drive to my ex's house tonight. Surprise! But I knew that I wouldn't be able to recover from the embarrassment and humiliation of having done that. **** ***** I miss her. Edited February 25, 2017 by Logo 3
StrangerThanFiction Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 I'm feeling a bit better than I was a couple days ago when I found out he wasn't coming back out here this spring. I had a real long think about why that had effected me so strongly and I came to the conclusion that in the back of my mind I had believed that he was going to come back and I would have a chance at making him realize what he had lost when he left me. I wanted a chance at validation, and maybe even reconciliation. I subconsciously clung so hard to that hope that when it was dashed it devastated me and it was like breaking up all over again and all the pain from the last 3 months came back. This is for real this time, this is the ending I was waiting for. Now I know that we'll never see each other again and all the hope is gone the real healing can begin. Now instead of focusing on the past and hoping for it to come back I'll look ahead. On February 27th it will be 3 weeks of NC. 2
Miss Spider Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Not coping well. Anxious. Missing him. Wish he was thinking of me and wanted to be with me but I know he isn't and doesn't . I hate this.
sorano Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) Present company excluded, but f**** women. They think they're something special. I've decided that I'm not chasing after any woman anymore. Women should be chasing me. They act all stuck up as if they're better than me. I'm going to take a break from looking for someone, just do what I enjoy in life and if I happen to bump into someone, so be it. There's a limit to what my heart can take. I was going to drive to my ex's house tonight. Surprise! But I knew that I wouldn't be able to recover from the embarrassment and humiliation of having done that. **** ***** I miss her. welcome to my world. Like I said in the past, I am done looking for women. Totally done. I have zero interest in them. This last relationship, I gave it my all. All of me went to her. I am wiped out. Its time to make me happy. The only person to focus on is you. Not anyone else. Nobody. Be selfish. spoil yourself. Take a long long break. There is no race. You think I am going to bend over backwards again for another woman? No. But let me say this. IF, IF, I am ready and want to date again, every woman will get a clean slate. Its not fair to them. You have to put your feelings aside and start fresh and not judge them. That is, if your ready. As I was saying, if and when I am ready, I will not be that guy I once was. That super lovable romantic guy, no. You have to earn it. You have to prove to me that you want to be with me and love me. No more putting women first. Me first. Once we establish this, or we are ready to get married, then I will give it my all. Until then, no. sorry. You want to pound your chest like a beast, cry about equality, alpha female hear me roar, take pictures of you sky diving, holding up bottles of alcohol in your profile pictures, well, I am going to treat you like a man. Just like I am tlaking to one of my guy friends. Ill be nice. But if you prove yourself and I get back the same love and I see your serious, then you will get my attention. Edited February 28, 2017 by sorano 2
Cookies101 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 IF, I am ready and want to date again, every woman will get a clean slate. Its not fair to them. Good on you sorano, that is the mark of a true human being and a good one at that. Don't let what this scumbag did change you as a person. I get it, you have to move through the anger stage, but don't let her taint your heart. You shall recover from this and i hope you meet a nice woman some day 1
Cookies101 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) I am gutted. Allowed myself to get caught up in her breadcrumbs and actually believe for a minute that she wanted me back, or was at least not a player. She thinks that meeting other women (we are gay), but not wanting a relationship or sex with them is okay... Well, it's not. I wish I could have her back, but i can't... Edited February 28, 2017 by Cookies101 2
Lilyana76 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Am not coping well lately. I'm overwhelmed, and lonely. Most of my friends are single, never been married, or don't have kids.... they don't get it. I really need a break.. I need some me time. I need the kids to have a father that gives a sh*t about them. I feel soon I will end up in a mental institution, or jail. I can't do this alone..... 1
Kyle01019 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Am not coping well lately. I'm overwhelmed, and lonely. Most of my friends are single, never been married, or don't have kids.... they don't get it. I really need a break.. I need some me time. I need the kids to have a father that gives a sh*t about them. I feel soon I will end up in a mental institution, or jail. I can't do this alone..... You are not alone, you have all of us.. you've got this.. we've got this this.. don't give up I know you can get through this. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 NOT WELL not well at all...I have 6 more days of waiting to do too... it's way too much. Day 4 of nc almost accomplished but I see his new girl...HELPED her get him in a way, and now I'm falling apart ...i don't know if I will see him again
sorano Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) Good on you sorano, that is the mark of a true human being and a good one at that. Don't let what this scumbag did change you as a person. I get it, you have to move through the anger stage, but don't let her taint your heart. You shall recover from this and i hope you meet a nice woman some day Thank you for the kind words. I'm not heartless. Every person who meets me, they tell me they know I am a good person. They know. They see I have a heart of gold. Will I change, no. Will I be cautious, yes. I have to protect my heart now. So no dating. But when or if I ever do decide to date, each woman will have a clean slate. one cannot take out there anger or sadness on them. And, never compare your ex to them. This is why it is crucial to FULLY HEAL. FYI I do prefer a strong woman. I like that trait. But when it's one way, you want to be the top boss, obnoxious, cold hearted, no. I deserve better. Edited March 1, 2017 by sorano 1
sorano Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Feeling pumped tonight. Hoping for a great workout. Home from work and ready to enter my little piece of heaven. The gym. It's my time. My therapy. The place that keeps me sane. Quote of the day for me about my ex. It don't bother me none, like stupid people throwing ice cubes at the sun. 2
MeadowFlower Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) I know he does not like me at all, but I still have those feelings of 'maybe he does' or that he does like me. He doesn't though. How can I shake those feelings, that deep rooted holding on? How can I cut that attachment completely and forever? I haven't immersed myself in the fact that he has no interest in me and does not like me and never will. I need to absorb it, believe it and know it, and always, not just for a few moments. Let it be a permanent thing. And know that it will NEVER change. It would help if I didn't have to see him. Edited March 3, 2017 by MeadowFlower 1
MeadowFlower Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Not coping well. Anxious. Missing him. Wish he was thinking of me and wanted to be with me but I know he isn't and doesn't . I hate this. It will get better, you aren't alone in this experience. If only there was a button one could press to make it all good. Keep moving forward and try and enjoy life.
Logo Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 I feel that I'm over her. I was thinking how I don't feel that sadness or pull anymore, how she's just another person that I, at some point in my life, knew, and that's it. Then a few things dawned on me, about her behavior and the relationship and the cheating and I realized something that helped me better understand her state of mind. She's got some serious issues that she needs to work on. It might take her years or it might take her a few relationships, or she might stay the same and never change because she's pretty set in her own ways and thinks she knows what's good for her. I feel good lately. I'm no longer dwelling or thinking about that relationship. I'm looking forward and it feels darn good to feel that way. Funny, after my last relationship, the one before this, it took me the same time to move on. I guess now I know the magic number.
OntarioBoy Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Well today is day one of moving on for me, so I guess you could say that I am still sorting things out. Long story short I met a girl who was nice, asked her out, she gave non-committal wishy washy answer that I may have read to much into. I also confused her just being nice with being interested. A friend of mine was able to determine for me that she was not really interested at all. FYI said friend is gay, and happily in a relationship so it's not like he was trying to steal her for himself, lol. So needless to say I am kind of feeling a little low today, embarrassed and stupid about totally misreading things, and just trying to figure things out.
sorano Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Friend was like, hey, lets go out. Ill bring some girls. I said, nah, no thank you. He says why? Are you busy? I said yes, I have more important things to do. I have to go to the gym tonight. Don't care, Im happy today, Im going to workout. Showed no interested, don't care, and showed zero compassion like having a straight faced orgasm. Feels good man
MrPlop Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Went out really drinking with some customers at my job, and for the very first time since my ex and I went separate ways. I ended up hooking up with someone (2 out of the 3 girls during the same night) honestly it's nothing to brag about since I'm a very composed/naive individual, what's really truly embarrassing is that it's actually the first time ever since my ex, that I had close contact with another female in close to a year. I've been so down lately that it gave me a little selfesteem boost but at the same time it didn't fulfill my emotional needs. I decided that I also need to stop looking so desperate for love and concentrate more on myself, and my goals.
Logo Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 I miss the confidence and the cool swagger I had before my ex, not arrogance, just exuding confidence and positive energy. I don't feel that way any more. I think my ex sucked my blood dry. She was an inconsiderate, manipulative narcissist. I'm going to continue to work on myself and do what's good for me.
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