How are you coping today?

[Shehulk]

Im having a REALLY hard time today. 4 full day of NC, day 5 today. I was doing better but since yesterday its going down hill.... i just wanna txt him, call him, go to his place, i even considered calling his mom. His birthday was yesterday and his aunt saw me and spoke to me. on top of that i dreamed about him last night so woke up feeling like ****.

[PLT]

Hi PLT,

 

I'm sorry to hear you got this nonsense as well. And I totally agree with you - seriously, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that. I mean it involved something about my character (impulsiveness but only when I care I get mad) which he cannot live with but he NEVER mentioned it before. I mean who is perfect? You may be right - you actually gave me a new perspective that maybe he never really gave a crap about me or the relationship and instead of working it out or at least telling me so I am aware of it, NO, he chose the easiest way out. Thanks for this enlightment, PLT.

 

Sure, it is his way of dealing with problems, people or whatever but who is giving "strikes" as a reason? I was only focused on that because it's so ridiculous in itself when you are in a relationship, just tell me the truth and I am gone but coming with this shows a lot of weakness.

 

Anyway, they both freed us from their weird perspective of life. There will be someone who takes us as we are without counting arguments or fights and being a team instead. That's what rational people do - there is no relationship without arguments or fights. They rather make them healthy.

 

Can I tell you one more thing why I am so angry? In the post BU phase after I weakly tried to reason with him and kind of begged him back, I was really trying to not flip out and be rational. So while breaking NC, I kept my composure but he read between lines and gave me something like this: "we can talk between friends again but only in a JOYFUL manner". Told me this twice because he didnt like what I wrote. Sure, maybe he's hurt as well (doubt that with his possible rebound) but can you explain this? Now he - the dumper - is giving ME orders how to behave! A day after this actually made me laugh and now somehow mad again - I dont even know I can be friends with him but even if, ohhhhh someone only wants to talk in a joyful manner. I mean not even my friends are always like that, its normal. So ridiculous.

 

 

A relationship of any kind will only work if both parties are able and willing to work on it. That's the mistake I made. I let her make me believe that it was all me. If only I did this, or didn't do that. The thing is if I tried to address any of these things, some of which were perfectly reasonable requests, it would just be something else that I was or wasn't doing. It happened little by little. Eventually I changed so much about myself that didn't need changing that I lost who I was. And it STILL didn't make the blindest bit of difference in the end, because SHE wasn't willing to do her side of the "work".

 

Trust me, I begged for months after the BU, right up until the day before New Years Eve when I said my last goodbye to her via email. Not in a down on my knees crying kinda way, more in a "come on, please, lets work this out" kinda way. There is just no pleasing some people. They like the power it gives them over you. Power isn't love, although there any so many people that equate the two, and don't even realise it. I'm still struggling every day not to reach out to her, 6 months post BU. What keeps me going is, well she pushed me away, despite all my best efforts at working on the relationship. It was all in vain. So it's up to her to prove to me that she deserves another chance, not the other way around. She knows I wouldn't be cruel to her as she was to me if she reached out to me. If she doesn't know that, she never really knew me at all over those 7 years. My point is, don't feel bad about "begging". It's quite natural and both men and women do it. You know why people do it? Because they CARE and LOVE the other person, and in the moment when they are very vulnerable and emotional, they do things they maybe wouldn't do otherwise. This ex is the first I've ever had real difficulty moving on from after 6 months. It's bloody hard to walk away from someone you care about and love.

 

As for the only speaking as friends if its "joyful". I say **** him. He hurt you, doesn't seem to care that he hurt you, and doesn't want to listen to you if you won't relieve his guilt for him and pretend everything is hunky dory. Don't do it. If I were you, I would tell him you are not OK being downgraded to friend status. And who tells their friends that they only want to speak to them if they are full of happiness and farting rainbows all the time? He doesn't want to be your friend. He is trying to relieve his guilt. If you go down the route of being "friends" with him, all it will bring you is more pain. If he wanted to be with you and work on things with you, he would be. He isn't. His loss.

[Logo]

A few days ago I was changing the ringtone on my phone. Lo and behold a familiar tune suddenly played as I was clicking each ringtone to sample it. What a flashback that was. She used the same ringtone and I felt like I went back in time and space to a certain moment when she answered her phone and I lay next to her. And I felt as if she was there with me. My heart started racing. I was short of breath. I took a deep one in, and tried to compose myself. Then sadness and disappointment overwhelmed me.

[layla21]

A relationship of any kind will only work if both parties are able and willing to work on it. That's the mistake I made. I let her make me believe that it was all me. If only I did this, or didn't do that. The thing is if I tried to address any of these things, some of which were perfectly reasonable requests, it would just be something else that I was or wasn't doing. It happened little by little. Eventually I changed so much about myself that didn't need changing that I lost who I was. And it STILL didn't make the blindest bit of difference in the end, because SHE wasn't willing to do her side of the "work".

 

Trust me, I begged for months after the BU, right up until the day before New Years Eve when I said my last goodbye to her via email. Not in a down on my knees crying kinda way, more in a "come on, please, lets work this out" kinda way. There is just no pleasing some people. They like the power it gives them over you. Power isn't love, although there any so many people that equate the two, and don't even realise it. I'm still struggling every day not to reach out to her, 6 months post BU. What keeps me going is, well she pushed me away, despite all my best efforts at working on the relationship. It was all in vain. So it's up to her to prove to me that she deserves another chance, not the other way around. She knows I wouldn't be cruel to her as she was to me if she reached out to me. If she doesn't know that, she never really knew me at all over those 7 years. My point is, don't feel bad about "begging". It's quite natural and both men and women do it. You know why people do it? Because they CARE and LOVE the other person, and in the moment when they are very vulnerable and emotional, they do things they maybe wouldn't do otherwise. This ex is the first I've ever had real difficulty moving on from after 6 months. It's bloody hard to walk away from someone you care about and love.

 

As for the only speaking as friends if its "joyful". I say **** him. He hurt you, doesn't seem to care that he hurt you, and doesn't want to listen to you if you won't relieve his guilt for him and pretend everything is hunky dory. Don't do it. If I were you, I would tell him you are not OK being downgraded to friend status. And who tells their friends that they only want to speak to them if they are full of happiness and farting rainbows all the time? He doesn't want to be your friend. He is trying to relieve his guilt. If you go down the route of being "friends" with him, all it will bring you is more pain. If he wanted to be with you and work on things with you, he would be. He isn't. His loss.

 

I totally agree with you on the "both parties have to work together" concept. It really is a pity to see that many relationships do not work out due to this reason. But it all comes out after the honeymoon phase where you really see where you and your partner stand. If it's equal. If you are treated fairly and equally. If the other person knows the issues and is committed to you, he or she will do everything within their power to maybe not change but to compromise. My ex always "understood" but after 1 week of putting effort into it but once he sees I am satisfied, the underlying issues come back. I mean we only had ONE serious issue here. I even proposed solutions but he didnt take it seriously. Whatever, it's in the past now and I have a much clearer picture of all.

 

Thanks for your words concerning the "begging". It was the first BU where I was a dumpee so it really hit me harder. I felt so humiliated and pathetic just thinking about it now but you are right. After reading through so many threads, I have realized it is just something normal to care and to try to make it right, maybe holding on to the last straw. Now I see it was truly in vain. I mean, if he really wants me, he would accept me as I am and as already discussed not "give chances". I am also not contacting him, after all why should I? It has nothing to do with being stubborn, mad, still hurt but I tried all like you did and also got pushed back. We are right not to contact, and even if they dont contact, I believe destiny just doesnt want us to be with that person as they are not right for us.

 

And if he ever approaches me to be friends, yes, I will definitely tell him that I dont want that. As said, being friends with the condition to be only "joyful" - that's BS. I get it he feels guilty and all this "we can be friends" may be his coping mechanism but I am not putting myself as a backup plan/second choice or less. I dont even want to deal with him now because I think he cheated on me emotionally. I know for sure he met her the week before the BU (he told me) and saw his option for a possibly better alternative partner instead of dealing with the issues we had which caused him so many headaches. Well, I wasnt happy too but I didnt weigh my options with other guys. Thats so inhuman if you ask me dropping someone like a hot potatoe ... it felt like a slap in the face.

 

As I said, it may be for the better. I dont want to be with someone who is treating people like this. It's just cruel and not worth pursuing. If he comes back and want to try again, I am not even sure I want it ... seeing how he left and treated my afterwards definitely left an image behind.

Edited February 10, 2017 by layla21

[PLT]

I totally agree with you on the "both parties have to work together" concept. It really is a pity to see that many relationships do not work out due to this reason. But it all comes out after the honeymoon phase where you really see where you and your partner stand. If it's equal. If you are treated fairly and equally. If the other person knows the issues and is committed to you, he or she will do everything within their power to maybe not change but to compromise. My ex always "understood" but after 1 week of putting effort into it but once he sees I am satisfied, the underlying issues come back. I mean we only had ONE serious issue here. I even proposed solutions but he didnt take it seriously. Whatever, it's in the past now and I have a much clearer picture of all.

 

Thanks for your words concerning the "begging". It was the first BU where I was a dumpee so it really hit me harder. I felt so humiliated and pathetic just thinking about it now but you are right. After reading through so many threads, I have realized it is just something normal to care and to try to make it right, maybe holding on to the last straw. Now I see it was truly in vain. I mean, if he really wants me, he would accept me as I am and as already discussed not "give chances". I am also not contacting him, after all why should I? It has nothing to do with being stubborn, mad, still hurt but I tried all like you did and also got pushed back. We are right not to contact, and even if they dont contact, I believe destiny just doesnt want us to be with that person as they are not right for us.

 

And if he ever approaches me to be friends, yes, I will definitely tell him that I dont want that. As said, being friends with the condition to be only "joyful" - that's BS. I get it he feels guilty and all this "we can be friends" may be his coping mechanism but I am not putting myself as a backup plan/second choice or less. I dont even want to deal with him now because I think he cheated on me emotionally. I know for sure he met her the week before the BU (he told me) and saw his option for a possibly better alternative partner instead of dealing with the issues we had which caused him so many headaches. Well, I wasnt happy too but I didnt weigh my options with other guys. Thats so inhuman if you ask me dropping someone like a hot potatoe ... it felt like a slap in the face.

 

As I said, it may be for the better. I dont want to be with someone who is treating people like this. It's just cruel and not worth pursuing. If he comes back and want to try again, I am not even sure I want it ... seeing how he left and treated my afterwards definitely left an image behind.

 

It sounds like you have your head screwed on right to me. You have a mature attitude on relationships and deserve to have a partner who has a similar attitude. You will get through this fine.

 

I think part of whats so hard is coming to terms with it really being done, forever. Even if she came back to me, I'd hear her out but I know I'll never be able to trust her again after the things she has done. I don't want to live my life wondering where the next tantrum or silent treatment or dumping is coming from.

 

I'm pretty sure she emotionally cheated on me too. Lining the next one up. It would certainly explain a lot about the BU I still don't understand. I don't know for sure and really, I don't want to know. That's her karma, not mine. With a bit of luck it'll bite her on the arse Same with your ex. He up and jumped ship to move on to the next one without even trying. He'll do it to her too probably once the novelty wears off. Do you really want anything to do with someone who treats women like that?

 

You've got this. Stay strong.

[layla21]

It sounds like you have your head screwed on right to me. You have a mature attitude on relationships and deserve to have a partner who has a similar attitude. You will get through this fine.

 

I think part of whats so hard is coming to terms with it really being done, forever. Even if she came back to me, I'd hear her out but I know I'll never be able to trust her again after the things she has done. I don't want to live my life wondering where the next tantrum or silent treatment or dumping is coming from.

 

I'm pretty sure she emotionally cheated on me too. Lining the next one up. It would certainly explain a lot about the BU I still don't understand. I don't know for sure and really, I don't want to know. That's her karma, not mine. With a bit of luck it'll bite her on the arse Same with your ex. He up and jumped ship to move on to the next one without even trying. He'll do it to her too probably once the novelty wears off. Do you really want anything to do with someone who treats women like that?

 

You've got this. Stay strong.

 

Thanks, I take it as a compliment and can say the same to you. I am in general a quite realistic and rational person and think that if something has to happen, it happens. Of course being a dumpee for the first time has hit me hard, made me think more about the relationship but you know what? I gave it my best and even after the BU, some things just cannot be changed - there is nothing I can blame myself for. Maybe I havent clearly accepted everything but I see it how it currently is and I think I gained some self-awareness and my worth again.

 

There was once a Ted talk I quite enjoyed and it was also talking about taking lessons from a heartbreak - and that's what I am trying to do. I think there is so much more things going around in our lives and outside which should be given more thoughts.

 

And yes, I feel you - I am also someone who can forgive at some point but finds it hard to forget. I would be afraid as well if I were you (if there's ever a second chance) to be hurt again. Before that, I was trusting him very much but that's gone as well as my respect for him. I think this is "easier" to think about it if you guys try again but nevertheless, it is DEF up to her to make the effort, to prove you mean more to her, to prove she really wants it deep down. And as very mature and emphatheic I think you are, you wont play any games and will let her slowly prove herself. I am of the opinion that second chances may work out if both parties communicate in a new way but it takes a lot of time and especially effort from the dumper's side. But dont think too much into it yet - it is a possibility but first, its all about your healing and you will manage. It's been six months, you have reached the anger stage and will come to terms with all pretty soon (hope so also for myself).

 

For what they have done to us - I am sure karma will do its work. Thanks for your words though, I really motivates me. We can definitely do it:)

Edited February 10, 2017 by layla21

[PLT]

Thanks, I take it as a compliment and can say the same to you. I am in general a quite realistic and rational person and think that if something has to happen, it happens. Of course being a dumpee for the first time has hit me hard, made me think more about the relationship but you know what? I gave it my best and even after the BU, some things just cannot be changed - there is nothing I can blame myself for. Maybe I havent clearly accepted everything but I see it how it currently is and I think I gained some self-awareness and my worth again.

 

There was once a Ted talk I quite enjoyed and it was also talking about taking lessons from a heartbreak - and that's what I am trying to do. I think there is so much more things going around in our lives and outside which should be given more thoughts.

 

And yes, I feel you - I am also someone who can forgive at some point but finds it hard to forget. I would be afraid as well if I were you (if there's ever a second chance) to be hurt again. Before that, I was trusting him very much but that's gone as well as my respect for him. I think this is "easier" to think about it if you guys try again but nevertheless, it is DEF up to her to make the effort, to prove you mean more to her, to prove she really wants it deep down. And as very mature and emphatheic I think you are, you wont play any games and will let her slowly prove herself. I am of the opinion that second chances may work out if both parties communicate in a new way but it takes a lot of time and especially effort from the dumper's side. But dont think too much into it yet - it is a possibility but first, its all about your healing and you will manage. It's been six months, you have reached the anger stage and will come to terms with all pretty soon (hope so also for myself).

 

For what they have done to us - I am sure karma will do its work. Thanks for your words though, I really motivates me. We can definitely do it:)

 

Aww I'm pleased I can be of some help. Thanks for your kind words.

 

I'm not expecting her to contact me again. If she does it'll be months or years down the line I expect. I never say never but for now I'm just concentrating on trying not to let life pass me by while I deal with the conflicting emotions I have towards my ex. I'm too old to be wasting time waiting around for her. It's sad, but there it is. I have learnt to try and live in the present. The past, doesn't matter anymore. You can't change what has already passed. You can only learn from it. The future will unfold itself. Focus on the present and you will see other opportunities as they appear.

 

I think I forgive her. I know that there were situations that I could have handled better as well. It takes two. I think you have to forgive to move on and be able to be in a healthier relationship. I don't want to carry that anger around with me, even though I do feel it at times. Mainly because of the unjust nature of how things went down I guess. So who knows. Maybe, one day she will see that I did everything I could, and that other men will also have flaws and that eventually, she is going to have to learn how to resolve issues instead of just walking away and going to the next shiny new toy. You'd think she would have learnt this already, given that she is 43. Unfortunately not. She actually said to me "I've never had to resolve thongs before. It's easier to walk away and get someone else". That kinda floored me. About a week or two later, that's exactly what she did to me.

 

I love Ted Talks. I'm a bit (actually, a huge) of a science geek and am studying for a science degree, 20 years later than I wish I had done but life got in the way I guess.

 

Onwards and upwards!

[layla21]

Aww I'm pleased I can be of some help. Thanks for your kind words.

 

I'm not expecting her to contact me again. If she does it'll be months or years down the line I expect. I never say never but for now I'm just concentrating on trying not to let life pass me by while I deal with the conflicting emotions I have towards my ex. I'm too old to be wasting time waiting around for her. It's sad, but there it is. I have learnt to try and live in the present. The past, doesn't matter anymore. You can't change what has already passed. You can only learn from it. The future will unfold itself. Focus on the present and you will see other opportunities as they appear.

 

I think I forgive her. I know that there were situations that I could have handled better as well. It takes two. I think you have to forgive to move on and be able to be in a healthier relationship. I don't want to carry that anger around with me, even though I do feel it at times. Mainly because of the unjust nature of how things went down I guess. So who knows. Maybe, one day she will see that I did everything I could, and that other men will also have flaws and that eventually, she is going to have to learn how to resolve issues instead of just walking away and going to the next shiny new toy. You'd think she would have learnt this already, given that she is 43. Unfortunately not. She actually said to me "I've never had to resolve thongs before. It's easier to walk away and get someone else". That kinda floored me. About a week or two later, that's exactly what she did to me.

 

I love Ted Talks. I'm a bit (actually, a huge) of a science geek and am studying for a science degree, 20 years later than I wish I had done but life got in the way I guess.

 

Onwards and upwards!

 

YES!

 

I like your perspective on life and relationships, def not cling on the past.

 

Truth be told, I think it is never too late for anything, for your study or even for your ex. Hopefully, she will come to that conclusion at some point for her own sake because running from issues is not a solution. It makes things worse and worse. But after all, it is all up to her, not to anyone. Time will tell but it's not your concern.

Some learn, some never will. I guess that's life.

 

It is crazy how much one can learn from others who are way more experienced in this area. Glad I have found the site - otherwise I would have concerned myself with why's, if's or just overthinking/-analyzing stuff.

 

And yes, cheers to Ted Talks and to never-too-late-to-achieve-your-goals'! Good luck on your studies, I am also currently sitting for my thesis, so we are kind of on the same boat.

[DarrenB]

So many people are too familiar with negligence and lack compassion...

 

That demoralizes me.

[sorano]

I am now working on the other part of my life. The next step of revamping. Sorano2.0. I got an email to go take a test for a new job. It also means more money. If I get that job, then house hunting will be next. I'm going to fight and fight. I'm not going to let a little measly human being keep me down. She thinks she has all the answers and is gods gift. I think society and feminism got to her brain. I'm attracted to strong women but tone it down a notch chief. Relax. I won't be defeated. I wont be lied to. I won't be used. I won't be degraded and spoken down to. Stop your chest pounding beast. Your nobody. You bleed like me and die like me. I AM NOT YOUR TOY.

 

You want to see what I can do? I will show you. Now I understand why god made us meet. It wasn't bc we were supposed to be together. Or cause me pain I didn't need. This was a wake up call. To make me excel. Push myself and better myself. Warn me and teach me. Watch out for the beasts. You just gave me so much fuel to catapult myself into doing better. False flag. False hope. Lesson learned. I'm going to the top. By myself. No woman. Nothing.

 

Now let me scrape you off the bottom of my shoes bc your just going to slow me down. Let me close this off with my favorite sayings. Bella, go pray. Go to church. Yes turn the other way and brush it off and two wrongs doesn't make it better or is the right thing to do. But this time, I will not turn the other way. I may not wish you any harm in life but, I will NEVER EVER wish YOU well. Harsh? I don't think so. Next time handle people's hearts with care. Be human. Be a real WOMAN. Not a little child. Limp bizkit said it best. Your just as real as a three dollar bill.

Edited February 11, 2017 by sorano

[divegrl]

I am now working on the other part of my life. The next step of revamping. Sorano2.0. I got an email to go take a test for a new job. It also means more money. If I get that job, then house hunting will be next. I'm going to fight and fight. I'm not going to let a little measly human being keep me down. She thinks she has all the answers and is gods gift. I think society and feminism got to her brain. I'm attracted to strong women but tone it down a notch chief. Relax. I won't be defeated. I wont be lied to. I won't be used. I won't be degraded and spoken down to. Stop your chest pounding beast. Your nobody. You bleed like me and die like me. I AM NOT YOUR TOY.

 

You want to see what I can do? I will show you. Now I understand why god made us meet. It wasn't bc we were supposed to be together. Or cause me pain I didn't need. This was a wake up call. To make me excel. Push myself and better myself. Warn me and teach me. Watch out for the beasts. You just gave me so much fuel to catapult myself into doing better. False flag. False hope. Lesson learned. I'm going to the top. By myself. No woman. Nothing.

 

Now let me scrape you off the bottom of my shoes bc your just going to slow me down. Let me close this off with my favorite sayings. Bella, go pray. Go to church. Yes turn the other way and brush it off and two wrongs doesn't make it better or is the right thing to do. But this time, I will not turn the other way. I may not wish you any harm in life but, I will NEVER EVER wish YOU well. Harsh? I don't think so. Next time handle people's hearts with care. Be human. Be a real WOMAN. Not a little child. Limp bizkit said it best. Your just as real as a three dollar bill.

 

Go go go! You got this!

[StrangerThanFiction]

Awwww you are not spineless. I'm not sure how you are able to contact your ex. I had a total breakdown after responding to a text that lead to two weeks of madness! Good for you that you are not waiting around for him to call back! We deserve so much better than this!

 

I honestly think once we can heal from these guys who string us along and are indifferent to us.... that we can open ourselves up to meeting the right guy! Take care my friend. I hope you have a great day!

 

Hugs

 

I think it was because at that moment I felt really good and secure and just basically thought "what the hell!". That, or it was temporary insanity lol! He responded immediately and the convo was an easy back and forth and then I just let it lapse and that was that. I think it was easier for me because my ex hasn't been playing the power games that yours has with you. What a jerk! You're awesome and deserve so much more than someone who's going to treat you like that.

 

And I hope we both finally move on from these grade A jerkbags. I hope we can look back one day and just shake our heads and roll our eyes at them and their silliness. It's coming! Until then, take care and I hope today is a wonderful one for you, my friend!

[StrangerThanFiction]

Well, I slept with someone new after I did a lot of thinking on whether or not I was ready for it. I didn't compare him to my ex during, I didn't cry that he wasn't my ex afterwards, and my libido is on high burn still, so that shows me that my belief that I was ready was a correct one. I'm a pretty sensual person and I didn't realize how hard these last 3 months of self imposed celibacy was on me until I finally scratched that itch. I think being able to be intimate with someone else was one of the roadblocks I needed to clear on my path to full recovery from this break up. I'm still not there yet but the road ahead doesn't look quite so bleak and desolate anymore. I know I'm not ready for a new relationship yet, but at least now I know that with time I will be. I'll take it as a win.

[Deadmeat]

Tonight, I accept that I still love her. No sadness. No anger. No lesson to be learned. Simply that I love her. I miss driving to her place. I miss calling her every evening. I miss having a conversation about nothing. The adventure blanket we always carried with us so we can just plop it anywhere and just lay there enjoying each other's company.

 

It doeant matter if she doesn't want me. Or thinks of me in some way. Tonight, I whole heartedly accept that after 6 months since last seeing her, I still love her.

[Logo]

Tonight, I accept that I still love her. No sadness. No anger. No lesson to be learned. Simply that I love her. I miss driving to her place. I miss calling her every evening. I miss having a conversation about nothing. The adventure blanket we always carried with us so we can just plop it anywhere and just lay there enjoying each other's company.

 

It doeant matter if she doesn't want me. Or thinks of me in some way. Tonight, I whole heartedly accept that after 6 months since last seeing her, I still love her.

 

With Valentine's Day approaching, I'm starting to feel sadness again. I vividly remember how high on life we both were last year. And I did so much for her.

 

But, looking back, I'm starting to feel like I can take the blame for a number of things I did wrong. They were unintentional mistakes I made without thinking. The irony is that I repeated them throughout the relationship, even though I kept telling myself not to repeat them. Now that's it's been a few months and I had time to reflect, I have learned from those mistakes, but it's too late.

 

In the last few months after the breakup I haven't blamed myself much. Sure, from time to time I would criticize myself, but then I would focus on the way she betrayed my trust. Maybe I drove her to that point. I can't tell for sure.

 

Don't forget me. I miss us. I miss what we had and how good it felt to have you in my arms.

Edited February 13, 2017 by Logo

[DarrenB]

Had a very, very mediocre weekend. Start to the Monday hasn't helped... yet I still reminisce about the times when I felt like this and you'd be there and making every attempt you could to care and help.

 

How I miss that, but it will never return.

 

Indeed, absence does make the heart grow fonder. However, a perpetual absence that will never return is where the relapse commences.

 

Have a good day all, I hope your day is better than mine. Time to endure (again).

[fairyfloff]

I've started dating again, though its been disastrous, its kept my mind off the breakup and kept me occupied.

 

just keep meeting one weirdo after the other I think I'll be single for life

[ReaperOfTheGrim]

Woke up this morning feeling pretty good for a Monday morning... for about 2 or 3 seconds. Then the realization that she's been gone for 2 months set back in when I looked over to the empty half of the bed. Another start of a week without her. Valentine's day is tomorrow, and for the first time in 5 years, I have Noone to buy spoil. For the first time in 5 years, buying something for the woman deep deep in my heart would be considered desperate and creepy, instead of thoughtful and sweet.

 

It's been a little over 2 months, but it feels like she was still in my life just yesterday. Until I think back of the many miserable days since the breakup I've spent with her constantly on my mind, thinking about nothing else but how to get her back, and recollecting on all the great moments in our relationship, and how we met. The look she began giving me when we began falling for each other, and how that look is now being given to other men. My soul feels like it's being crushed in a vice, each second hurting more than the last. A feeling I believe can only be remedied by texting or calling her for relief. The knowledge that I'd get a distant, cold response, if I got any response at all, is a good deterrent.

 

I always thought I was weird. I never got lonely in the past. I lived by myself for years, had relationships end, and the feelings of loneliness never lasted. I never minded being single. That's not the case after the end of this relationship. I absolutely hate being single. Loneliness is all I know right now. Even when surrounded by coworkers, friends, family; I'm empty, numb, and emotionless. Ready for anyone to say something slightly challenging towards me so I can snap at them, taking a confrontation as far as I possibly can. I'm scared of myself, and stay away from people at work for fear of losing my job. I never knew I was this emotionally weak.

 

 

I miss her. I miss her family. I miss our plans, our history, and knowing everything I'm doing is for the relationship and the betterment of OUR lives. That's gone. She's gone. I've exerted so much energy into reading material on what all went wrong with us when it begins getting hard keeping it together. I find I'm only imagining how great our relationship could be when I'm reading this if I had known these things. I find that I want to talk to her so badly and tell her I know everything that went wrong with us. I know what to do to keep us together. And that I wish I had met someone like her, before her, so I knew how to keep her. Of course i know that this would all fall on deaf ears. She's replaced both me, and the dog we shared together already. She's moving on. Not looking back, or in the rear view mirror. Not letting herself think about our 5 years together. That's the healthy route. Meanwhile I'm in ruins. I feel like she climbed on my back to get over a wall onto a new life, leaving me on my knees, trying to pick up pieces of myself, finding none of the pieces fit together anymore, and it can't be done.

 

I feel like I can't go on. That this isn't getting any better, only harder, and if I had known the struggle every day would have been since the breakup to this point, I wouldn't have wanted to put myself through it, and would have ended it all. And if I knew now how much longer I have to look forward to these feelings, I may do it as well. I haven't put on even a fake smile since it's happened. People "miss" me, even though they see me more now than they ever have in the past. I want to let her know how terribly I'm doing without her. How much i need her, and how much she meant to me. That if she came back, she'd be happier than she ever knew possible. That she isn't walking away from nothing. Obviously I can't do this though.

 

This is just a peer into my mind. These thoughts are 24/7. I've tried reading, movies, traveling, socializing with new and old people, video games, losing myself in my work. These turn into "hey natalie, read this part", "what do you want to watch, natalie? ", "if only natalie was here with me now", "I wish natalie was here to make fun of these people with me", "wow natalie, did you see that?", "ok, I'm working so hard and ask this overtime for natalie and our quality of life". There is no distraction. There is no coping...

Edited February 13, 2017 by ReaperOfTheGrim

[divegrl]

I think it was because at that moment I felt really good and secure and just basically thought "what the hell!". That, or it was temporary insanity lol! He responded immediately and the convo was an easy back and forth and then I just let it lapse and that was that. I think it was easier for me because my ex hasn't been playing the power games that yours has with you. What a jerk! You're awesome and deserve so much more than someone who's going to treat you like that.

 

And I hope we both finally move on from these grade A jerkbags. I hope we can look back one day and just shake our heads and roll our eyes at them and their silliness. It's coming! Until then, take care and I hope today is a wonderful one for you, my friend!

 

Yes! I believe your relationship was 6 months like mine... and it's our stupid Oxytocin levels in our brain that make it so hard to get over them! Oh he's such a jerk to me... but I'm so IN LOVE with him... GAH!!!!!

 

I can see your such a beautiful person! Big big hugs for you today!

[divegrl]

I've started dating again, though its been disastrous, its kept my mind off the breakup and kept me occupied.

 

just keep meeting one weirdo after the other I think I'll be single for life

 

Me too! My friend! Me too! Hang in there.... the right person for you is probably thinking the same thing!!!

 

Hugs!

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today I woke up with an extremely intense urge to unblock my ex on Facebook to check his relationship status and see if it's changed from single. I was actually on FB and about to click on my blocked list to do it when I stopped myself. I thought about the potential outcomes of unblocking him. Either he'd still be single or he'd be in a relationship and seeing either of those would set me back in different ways.

 

If I saw that he was in a relationship I would obviously be heartbroken all over again because I have been replaced and it would be proof that he has moved on and forgotten about me.

 

If he was still single it would set me back because it would feed the hope that he's still not over me and/or still hasn't met someone else and it would keep me hanging on.

 

Neither of those outcomes would be beneficial or positive. At least while I'm in this Schrödinger's cat state of neither knowing or not knowing which is the case it keeps me from really dwelling on either scenario for long because I just don't know which it is and I can go on with my day fairly easily. Well, except for today apparently. I'm still fighting the urge but it helps knowing that if I did unblock him I wouldn't be able to reblock him for 48 hours and not only is there a chance that he'd see that I unblocked him and know that's what I did and why, but that I would undoubtedly end up obsessively checking his FB up until the moment I was able to block him again. In the end I can see absolutely nothing good coming from it.

 

Knowing all this you'd think it would make the decision to keep him blocked pretty much cut, dried, and packed away but the urge is still so strong right now. I think maybe it's because Valentine's Day is tomorrow and as soon as I woke up this morning I wondered what and who he was going to be doing for it and that's kind've stuck with me all day. Which is so stupid. V Day has never been a big deal to me because commercialized societally enforced romance always rang a little hollow to me and I've never been the type of woman who needs over the top romantic gestures from a man to begin with. In fact, they make me feel a little uncomfortable and silly. However, I do know what V Day means to a lot of people and I wonder what exactly it means to my ex. it shouldn't matter, but it does bother me wondering if there's someone he's going to spend it with. Ah well, it's only one day and it's not like I'll be at home alone dwelling on it tomorrow. A group of my single friends and I are getting together to celebrate our freedom for it, most of them being fairly recently out of RS's as well.

[Logo]

I don't miss her that's for sure. I miss what we had. I miss the way she used to make me feel before I found out about her dark side. I know she loved me. I loved her too. But my love for her was gone at the drop of a hat.

[HorseLuck]

Hilariously coping because he has reached out on social media. It was nonsense of course, with one kid giving me the finger. I don't know that it was meant for me, but never the less rude and pointless. I was heading out with my girlfriends at the time so I decided to give the illusion that we were going on a triple date. After he realized that, he sent a photo, a random person also messaged me a photo (assuming it was his friend, both trying to start drama). I deleted both without opening. I can gladly say the contact ceased after that, as I think i hurt him. Amazing how he tries to play the victim. If he wanted to talk so badly, one would think he would apologize and admit his wrongdoings. Just another game of cat and mouse.

[Logo]

Somehow, tonight ended up feeling sadder than I expected. It wasn't so much loneliness or a desire to be with someone, but grief about a relationship that once was and is no more.

 

One year ago right now, we were in each other's arms, content, happy, in love. High on life.

 

I think love and grief are the two strongest emotions I have ever felt in my life. Happiness, sadness, depression, anger, apathy, indifference, you name it, none compare to love and grief.

 

I keep thinking about our relationship, about the turning point. It's as though if I think about it hard enough I'll come up with a magical solution that will bring us back together.

 

Barring some monumental change, we're never going to be with each other again. Ever. It makes me sad and disappointed and angry that she did what she did. But there's nothing I can do but accept it and invest in myself.

 

It feels weird to say this, but I'm sure that one day I will be in love with another woman and feel the same happiness and joy of being apart of her life.

 

It was a wild ride while it lasted.

 

[StrangerThanFiction]

Somehow, tonight ended up feeling sadder than I expected. It wasn't so much loneliness or a desire to be with someone, but grief about a relationship that once was and is no more.

 

One year ago right now, we were in each other's arms, content, happy, in love. High on life.

 

I think love and grief are the two strongest emotions I have ever felt in my life. Happiness, sadness, depression, anger, apathy, indifference, you name it, none compare to love and grief.

 

I keep thinking about our relationship, about the turning point. It's as though if I think about it hard enough I'll come up with a magical solution that will bring us back together.

 

Barring some monumental change, we're never going to be with each other again. Ever. It makes me sad and disappointed and angry that she did what she did. But there's nothing I can do but accept it and invest in myself.

 

It feels weird to say this, but I'm sure that one day I will be in love with another woman and feel the same happiness and joy of being apart of her life.

 

It was a wild ride while it lasted.

 

 

This. This right here. I was trying to find a way to describe how I was feeling tonight but I couldn't put it into words. But you did it, Logo. Then, the Neil Diamond song that said the rest. I know this probably doesn't mean anything, but thank you for sharing your experience.