How are you coping today?

[jennifernyc84]

Not doing well at all today. Last night was the hardest night ever. His wife recently left him and the thought of him actually being available is haunting me. He told me right after she left that he wants to be friends and see where it goes from there. But what if she comes back? Which most likely she will. Will he dump me again. It's driving me nuts. I wish he would've picked me. But he didn't. He chooses her over and over.

[FastHands]

First real gf I loved the feeling. It felt like we were the only ones alive in the world. When it was over I cried like a baby, but after that I realized what I want and what I needed. I got smarter and matured.

[Logo]

I hold it true, whate'er befall;I feel it when I sorrow most;'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

 

 

 

I'm on the fence on this one.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I just realized I haven't felt the need to post to this thread in almost a week, when before I felt the need to post damn near every day. I think I'm going to take this as a sign of progress. I'm still not over it completely but the light at the end of the tunnel is growing. Hopefully it's not a train.

 

I made a bit of a breakthrough about why I've been so hung up on my ex today while I was reading an article about how not to fall head over heels infatuated with someone. I'm the type of person who is rarely attracted to people so the times I did I fell cabosose over teakettle because it was such a rare occurrence and I had no idea how to moderate it. Sometimes I gave up my self respect, my goals, and my friends in the pursuit of this feeling. My whole life suffered as a result of being so in wuv with men that in the logical side of my mind I knew were not good for me.

 

In one part of this article it stated that a good way to keep from falling infatuated/in love, or to help lessen those feelings if they're already there, was to see that there is no future in the relationship. It hit me like a high speed chase to a fruit stand that a part of me still believes that there could be a future where my ex and I could be together. This got me thinking about exactly the type of future that would be. I decided to take a step back from my emotions and really analyze it. This is what I came up with:

 

I'm from one side of the country and he's from the other and he just comes down to my end to work because there's not a whole lot of decent paying jobs where he's from. He's stated that his goal is to one day stay on his side so he can be with his son. So, in order for us to be together I would have to end up moving thousands of kilometres away from my home, family, friends, and work. In that first flush of wuv that I felt at the start I would've dropped everything and done it in a heartbeat. But today I had a good think on the realities of what doing that would actually mean. If I moved out there I would be completely isolated from all the people that care about me. I would be completely reliant on him for social interaction. Knowing him, he would be out with his buddies drinking on the daily while I would be left at home alone or maybe in the company of his buddies' SO's which would all lead back to my ex. I would become needy, clingy, and insecure due to my loneliness. With the way the job market is out there I would either have no job or a very low paying one so I would be reliant on him for financial support. This goes against everything I believe in because I have never needed a man for such and it would chip away at my feelings of self worth, thus creating more insecurity. Also, since he is absolutely terrible with money, we would always be broke and struggling therefore causing even more unbalance and strife most likely leading to epic fights. I've also mentioned in the past that he has controlling and manipulative tendencies and having me over the proverbial barrel like this would most likely turn me into a virtual slave to his whims and I would become less than a shadow of the woman I am now. And then there's his compulsive need to lie about everything and his cheating but this post is already long enough without opening that industrial dumpster of worms.

 

In the end, I would be absolutely and completely miserable. Realizing this has helped me to see that I've been holding onto something that in reality would be the absolute worst thing for me. I haven't completely let go but instead of having a death grip on it with both fists I'm only hanging on by my little finger. A little more time and thought and I think I'll kick this.

[MeadowFlower]

Getting dumped sucks. Just saying. The whole getting attached to someone only to have them not like you is stink. Never let this happen again. Sure you get lessons from it and it can build character, but still.... Just go away all the feelings, hurt ego and any hope of him returning, just leave. Can't I be COMPLETELY over this now and permanently.

Edited January 29, 2017 by MeadowFlower

[Lilyana76]

Loneliness is suffocating me lately. Crying myself to sleep at night because I'm alone. I feel like everyone (including my kids) are counting on me, I work so hard, hardly have time for someone else.

 

I don't need to be with someone, but I want to be. I miss coming home and having adult conversations. I miss having someone next to me at night to cuddle up to.

 

Just feeling alone.

[MrPlop]

Today ended up with another setback, I was told everything points she's looking for me. I feel like pretty soon I'll be asked to face my demons, for that I would need to be stronger than when I let go, I need to find it.... I'm honestly terrified, I need to rationalize all these emotions before I drive myself crazy. I'm still weak and broken, even after so long... I am so vulnerable it's pathetic.

[sorano]

work hard, stay humble, be kind, and pray. My quote for the day.

 

Its midnight. Trying to sleep. But a wave of sadness hit me. I am almost at the peak of the mountain. 90% better. I am still climbing. But I stepped on a bad part of the mountain and slipped. Rock broke under my foot. still hanging on. Its ok. Regroup and keep moving. Its ok.

[go figure]

NC 12 and it feels like it has been forever. Didn't realize what I had 'til it was gone…this is hard

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today I noticed that I hadn't thought of my ex as much as I used to. In fact, thinking back, yesterday was the same as well! I don't feel the crippling overwhelming pain anymore. Sure I get a little sentimental and sad when I think about our memories together sometimes, but it's more of an ache now instead of a sharp tearing pain. I can feel the emotional distance I was striving for becoming larger. I no longer wait and hope for him to call or text like I did before. I still feel an emptiness where he used to be but it's more the size of a golfball instead of a planet. I'm sure one day it won't be there anymore at all.

 

I was talking to a newly made friend yesterday who I had met when I was with my ex. She told me that when she first saw him and met him she was absolutely aghast that I could date someone like him. She said not only was he really unattractive but he was a total loser and a jerk to boot, but she couldn't say anything at the time because I seemed really in love with him. She said she was glad we broke up because I could do so much better than someone like him because I was kind, intelligent, gorgeous, and funny and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life when he gave me up for someone else. I'm sure she was just saying it to be nice, but it's really soothed my wounded pride and bolstered my self esteem. I'm slowly starting to see that I'm not as terrible and worthless as I thought I was after the break up.

 

So I guess in a way I should thank my ex for leaving me. If we would've stayed together I would've kept doing the same things I always did instead of being motivated to better myself. I'm getting into shape and have actually lost a decent amount of weight over the last few months. I've met new people and have been going out more. And I've been going to therapy to really try to figure myself out. If we had stayed together I never would've done any of these things because I had become unhappy and complacent. So I'm going to try to think of our break up maybe not so much as a positive thing but as a catalyst for me changing my life.

[divegrl]

I have been here before. 3 years ago my husband left for a fishing trip. When he came back my world was destroyed. Instead of going fishing he had found another place to live, split our bank account and found love in the arms of a harem of strippers.

 

That day destroyed me. I was broken, devastated, abandoned. In one moment my world had been turned upside down. I am not proud to say I ran to drugs and alcohol during this time. I was afraid and lost. After a year of destruction I finally learned healthy coping mechanisms. I could either live in fear or trust.

 

3 years later, here I am again. With no income, an SO that left. But I have a choice. Fear or trust?

 

I've come to realize that people can't really make promises. We are all broken. All fallen beings. When someone says they love you, they can only promise to love you for that moment. Situations change, circumstances change, life happens. And that love that you thought would be there forever is now gone.

 

On the flip side, I've learned that I can't make promises outside the present moment. This hurts because I consider myself to me honest and loyal. There are situations that happen outside of us.... that can change us. Hurt people, hurt people.

 

But every moment of the day I have a choice. Live in fear, build a wall and block others out. Or live in trust. Trust that everything happens for a reason. Trust that my life is unfolding exactly the way it should be. Have faith that we have a God and Universe that loves us more then we could possibly imagine.

 

Today I choose trust.

[divegrl]

Getting dumped sucks. Just saying. The whole getting attached to someone only to have them not like you is stink. Never let this happen again. Sure you get lessons from it and it can build character, but still.... Just go away all the feelings, hurt ego and any hope of him returning, just leave. Can't I be COMPLETELY over this now and permanently.

 

I relate to this so much. I just want to get rid of the hope of him returning......

[PLT]

I relate to this so much. I just want to get rid of the hope of him returning......

 

I'm similar right now. I'm getting on with life and am even making a first real attempt at dating this evening (speed dating, my first time. I'm leaving in about 20 mins, very nervous!), but in the back of my mind she is there, always. I just trust that it will fade more, given more time.

[Logo]

NC 12 and it feels like it has been forever. Didn't realize what I had 'til it was gone…this is hard

 

 

The immediate shock is comprehensible at first. Your brain knows the relationship is over, but emotionally it hasn't yet fully processed the consequences.

 

When I found out she cheated, the thought of us not being together anymore was there, in the back of my mind. But I was more concerned with the now. Looking back, the last few moments seem like they will remain etched in my memory forever, each word, each facial expression, each hand gesture, each utterance.

 

My mind was telling me it was over. I didn't need to pinch myself. I knew it was over. But the reality of what that meant, the scope of it, the implications, the feelings I would develop in the days that followed, didn't necessarily feel real until later. It's as if I was numb, comprehending what's going on, but not really feeling it.

 

I felt like I was told I had a terminal illness. I just wanted to stop feeling the pain and let it all out by talking about it. There was anger, mixed in with sadness, with surprise, with confusion, with disappointment.

 

A day later as I opened my eyes in bed, I looked around and knew that I was awake. My surrounding was familiar. Two seconds later, reality hit me, my memory kicked in and I started sobbing. I stayed in bed that day. I tried to sleep as long as I could.

 

The next day, I got out of bed and started to comprehend what the future was going to be like. It was an end of an era, marked with grief, disappointment and sadness.

 

From then on, the water churning began, a few weeks of "If only this...." and "If only that...." and "Why?" and "What did that mean?" Over, and over and over and over again, and from different perspectives, like a computer coming up with different outcomes based on raw data it was fed.

 

My brain was trying to solve a problem that had no basis in logic, a problem that had no answer and no solution.

 

Then around week 4 or 5 I started to let go, to feel more present, less preoccupied with the rumination and the What Ifs. I started to feel acceptance.

 

Then a second wave hit me. It was a second process of grieving, but on a milder scale, only to lead to acceptance again.

 

And then another wave, only milder than the second.

 

So here I am. I was thinking of contacting her yesterday. A moment of us together flashed before my eyes this evening and my heart sank as my mind and body felt all the feelings associated with the moment that I recalled, a sense of happiness, elation, joy and excitement.

 

What bothers me sometimes is that I can't remember her scent. When we first started dating, it was a distinct new scent I was discovering. I liked it and longed for it. But then, at some point I guess I got used to it. Now, I don't remember it at all. For the life of me, I can't remember her scent. I don't remember.

 

A woman and I kissed a few days ago. It was such a passionate and lustful kiss that it dawned on me how in the last few weeks of the relationship, my ex did not kiss me like she used to in the beginning. I thought, "Wait a minute. We used to kiss like that and then at some point it stopped, but I somehow got used to it. When did it stop? Why? What changed? What happened? Why did I get used to it? I can't believe I did."

[sorano]

Well said logo

[sorano]

After my workout tonight , my buddy asked how is the dating going. I said to him, bro, don't ask me that question. I got angry. I told him I don't want to date, have a gf, or want anything to do with women. I do not have power or energy for it. Give me the gym, fishing rods, tv, my cars, and other hobbies and I'm good. I don't need a woman. I don't think about them anymore.

 

So it's been a long time since I vented and re spoke about what happened. My friend wanted to know what happened again. I look at it way different. I was missing her, I was sad and depressed. Now seeing and talking about what happened since last year thank god we split. It takes time for you to realize the facts. That thing was a beast. I can't even call her human. People's dogs and cats have more manners.

 

People might say wow your harsh. No. you don't show someone wedding rings, brag about me, lead me on, praise how great of a man I am then leave. I'm not a toy. I was ready for marriage. Two weeks bam. Gone. Two weeks!

 

I had to pass all her tests as well. Me, like a beta male I was, yea go all out. Fight and fight. Be Prince Charming. Now? No. no more mr nice guy.

 

Bella, you need therapy bc of your bad past. It sucks that I had to be the one to pay for the mistakes the other men made and it came back to me. I had to suffer. I won't wish you harm. But I will never wish you well. You don't mistreat another persons heart. They are fragile. You, were careless. Hopefully the next man will be treated better than me. I hope he does. If I had to take the suffering for someone else so be it. Just do me a favor......take out the rosary beads. Go to church when it's quiet and no mass. Kneel down, look above and pray. Spread love. Not hate.

[DarrenB]

After my workout tonight , my buddy asked how is the dating going. I said to him, bro, don't ask me that question. I got angry. I told him I don't want to date, have a gf, or want anything to do with women. I do not have power or energy for it. Give me the gym, fishing rods, tv, my cars, and other hobbies and I'm good. I don't need a woman. I don't think about them anymore.

 

So it's been a long time since I vented and re spoke about what happened. My friend wanted to know what happened again. I look at it way different. I was missing her, I was sad and depressed. Now seeing and talking about what happened since last year thank god we split. It takes time for you to realize the facts. That thing was a beast. I can't even call her human. People's dogs and cats have more manners.

 

People might say wow your harsh. No. you don't show someone wedding rings, brag about me, lead me on, praise how great of a man I am then leave. I'm not a toy. I was ready for marriage. Two weeks bam. Gone. Two weeks!

 

I had to pass all her tests as well. Me, like a beta male I was, yea go all out. Fight and fight. Be Prince Charming. Now? No. no more mr nice guy.

 

Bella, you need therapy bc of your bad past. It sucks that I had to be the one to pay for the mistakes the other men made and it came back to me. I had to suffer. I won't wish you harm. But I will never wish you well. You don't mistreat another persons heart. They are fragile. You, were careless. Hopefully the next man will be treated better than me. I hope he does. If I had to take the suffering for someone else so be it. Just do me a favor......take out the rosary beads. Go to church when it's quiet and no mass. Kneel down, look above and pray. Spread love. Not hate.

 

Good philosophy.

[divegrl]

Loneliness is suffocating me lately. Crying myself to sleep at night because I'm alone. I feel like everyone (including my kids) are counting on me, I work so hard, hardly have time for someone else.

 

I don't need to be with someone, but I want to be. I miss coming home and having adult conversations. I miss having someone next to me at night to cuddle up to.

 

Just feeling alone.

 

Hi Lilyana. I just wanted to let you know that I'm right here with you. It sux, everything about it. We have a right to feel this way as long as we need to.

 

Plz know you're not alone in this.

 

Hugs my friend.

[Wuku]

I've been doing pretty well the last few weeks. I've really strived to stop feeling so down and sad about it all, and for the most part it's working. But, listening to some music earlier has made me realise how much I'm still in love with her. It wasn't any triggering music, just random stuff, but it's her that I still think of while I'm listening. I don't feel sad about it, and it didn't upset me. I just know that I still love her, it's just a fact, and I can live with that without feeling as upset as I used to. Its an acceptance of the truth, regardless of us not being together. There's no point forcing myself to change that or trying to fight it, it is what it is, and maybe one day it will be different, but right now it's how I feel. And I'm ok with that.

[DarrenB]

Solitude is bliss, period.

[sorano]

Darren, such a simple statment, but oh so very true

[Logo]

Deleted 10 Characters.

Edited February 4, 2017 by Logo

[divegrl]

I blocked my ex for the 15 millionth time today. I wrote about it in my other thread, but I lost my job and that has been a huge setback for me.

 

I have finally come to realize that no matter how many times he says he misses me, that does not mean he wants me back. It's all so annoying. I've never had a guy break up with me and then send text after text of how much he wishes I was with him. Per the NC post I need to stop asking WHY he's sending these texts, but rather HOW I will continue to move on and heal.

 

At this point I accept the relationship is over. It's done. And honestly his behavior over the past couple of weeks has shown me that he is pretty insecure if he needs to keep chasing after me for an ego boost. This is not the type of man I want to have a relationship with.

 

I feel lost right now with no source of income. I'm trusting that everything is unfolding as it should.

 

Take care my friends. Hugs

[Logo]

I blocked my ex for the 15 millionth time today. I wrote about it in my other thread, but I lost my job and that has been a huge setback for me.

 

....

 

At this point I accept the relationship is over. It's done. And honestly his behavior over the past couple of weeks has shown me that he is pretty insecure if he needs to keep chasing after me for an ego boost. This is not the type of man I want to have a relationship with.

 

I feel lost right now with no source of income. I'm trusting that everything is unfolding as it should.

 

Take care my friends. Hugs

 

Losing your job must have been a shock, on top of everything else.

 

I'm sorry you're going trough that. I lost my job, too.

 

When it happened it felt like someone kicked me when I was already down. I felt lost too. I felt like I didn't know what to do.

 

But, the way I see it now, it's an opportunity, a chance to find something better, to do something better and find someone better.

 

Everything's going to be okay. Keep your chin up. You sound like a strong person.

 

One day at a time.

 

One day at a time.

[Logo]

After my workout tonight , my buddy asked how is the dating going. I said to him, bro, don't ask me that question. I got angry. I told him I don't want to date, have a gf, or want anything to do with women. I do not have power or energy for it. Give me the gym, fishing rods, tv, my cars, and other hobbies and I'm good. I don't need a woman. I don't think about them anymore.

 

So it's been a long time since I vented and re spoke about what happened. My friend wanted to know what happened again. I look at it way different. I was missing her, I was sad and depressed. Now seeing and talking about what happened since last year thank god we split. It takes time for you to realize the facts. That thing was a beast. I can't even call her human. People's dogs and cats have more manners.

 

People might say wow your harsh. No. you don't show someone wedding rings, brag about me, lead me on, praise how great of a man I am then leave. I'm not a toy. I was ready for marriage. Two weeks bam. Gone. Two weeks!

 

I had to pass all her tests as well. Me, like a beta male I was, yea go all out. Fight and fight. Be Prince Charming. Now? No. no more mr nice guy.

 

Bella, you need therapy bc of your bad past. It sucks that I had to be the one to pay for the mistakes the other men made and it came back to me. I had to suffer. I won't wish you harm. But I will never wish you well. You don't mistreat another persons heart. They are fragile. You, were careless. Hopefully the next man will be treated better than me. I hope he does. If I had to take the suffering for someone else so be it. Just do me a favor......take out the rosary beads. Go to church when it's quiet and no mass. Kneel down, look above and pray. Spread love. Not hate.

 

 

I hate to say it, and I recognize she hurt you a lot through her actions, but you're lucky. Imagine if you had kids with her? The same goes for my ex. I'm glad I found out relatively early what she's capable of. She was amazing the first few months, then she changed a little, then she changed again a few months later. I learned my lesson. It sucks that it had to be that way, but it is what it is.