How are you coping today?

[Logo]

I need to get to that point too.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Logo

[StrangerThanFiction]

I was sad today. Cried a few times. Kept wondering what he was doing and who he was with, wondering what's going on in his life. When it got too much to handle I decided to work out and work out hard. I felt better for a bit but then night hit and I got sad again. Nights are always the worst for that because I have to spend them alone. I could go over to a friend's place but I find that I feel even worse when I'm around people, strangely enough.

 

I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. The last time I talked to my ex he told me he had been offered a great opportunity and it got me thinking about where I want to go with my own life. I realized I have no goddamn idea. At 30 you'd think I'd have some sort of plan. Sure, I want a dog and to own a house one day and have a good career but that seems so empty and hollow. I want more than just that but the problem is I don't know what it is that I'm looking for. I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels without knowing how to get back on track. There's just no forward momentum. Life just seems so pointless and meaningless. I feel like I should do something crazy like sell all my stuff, give up my life here, and move to a different country for a year or something. Just something...different. I suppose I should go in for more counselling because I believe this might be me sliding back into depression and that's a very slippery slope to crawl back up again and the sooner I get help for it the better.

 

Maybe why I'm feeling like this is because I'm comparing my life to my ex's and I'm jealous that he seems to be doing so good for himself while my life leaves somewhat to be desired. There's no profit in me doing this and for all I know he was lying through his teeth. Wouldn't be the first time, lord knows. He knows me well enough to know how to push my buttons. In the end, regardless of the truth, it shouldn't matter. I need to focus on me and figure out what the hell it is I want out of life and aim for that.

[MeadowFlower]

A pathetic little statement coming up, but other people get breadcrumbs from their exs, what do I get? Nothing. Trivial I know.

[Offspring]

Not very well. Alcohol is not the way to deal with this.

[Offspring]

A pathetic little statement coming up, but other people get breadcrumbs from their exs, what do I get? Nothing. Trivial I know.

 

I'd rather breadcrumbs than nothing too MeadowFlower! At least you get to eat, .

[Offspring]

feel even worse when I'm around people

 

I get the feeling. You're better off facing it head on rather than running away from it, imo. I've done the latter in the past, and it drags on.

 

I hope things get better for you. In the meantime, I think it's just a matter of running with the feelings.

[g-lo1]

I know the feeling. I'm the one stuck with our memories while she has thrown it all away not caring enjoying her life as if we never met. I can't believe after all we did and said it's gone forever. I want to forget and never remember them. All they serve is painful reminders of what I once had and they plague my mind constantly and seem like they will haunt me until I die.

Hi new this forum,

Newly single after over three years. Feeling very deflated, hopeless. I'm feeling pathetic because I have no ability to do NC with my partner, I can't let him go. But yet he hardly every replies to my contact which makes me feel even worse.

Any advice?

[layla21]

I am very thankful for having found this community.

 

Sometimes it really helps to let it out, to vent, or to just write it down. I am currently writing a journal with everything I still want to tell my ex - with all the mixed emotions I still have for him.

 

I am trying to go through NC, deactivated my FB and Messenger as it distracts me too much in my healing process. It might seem as a drastic move but I just cannot check his status anymore, waiting and waiting everytime even though I know there won't be a sign, thinking about what or who he is writing to.

 

I am getting better though. Instead of saying "I get better", I tell myself "I get better day by day" because that is what you have to look ahead to. Because life is a journey with each milestone, be it the best or the worst event, we learn and grow emotionally and I do believe we get rewarded when it is time. As hard as it is, I am trying to see the positivity of this breakup and do not want it to let it ruin me.

 

We will get through this!

[sorano]

Not very well. Alcohol is not the way to deal with this.

 

I used to go to a local classy lounge here by my house. Its in a rich area on long island. Id go there every single saturday, by myself, sit down and drink. Now I am not a drinker. I body build. But boy did I learn to drink. Beer after beer, gin and tonics. Just to take the pain away. Not smart at all. Under control, a few drinks do help. Not to the point where you cant walk. But I understand where you are coming from

[sorano]

status. Not a flying F is given about my ex. It feels good to be feeling better and better each day. I am finally almost at the top of the mountain. little more and I will be there.

 

I am starting to find other women attractive again. will I get into another relationship? NO. Do I want a girl friend? nope. But damn does it feel good to FEEL GOOD! lol

[StrangerThanFiction]

I get the feeling. You're better off facing it head on rather than running away from it, imo. I've done the latter in the past, and it drags on.

 

I hope things get better for you. In the meantime, I think it's just a matter of running with the feelings.

 

I agree. For the first couple weeks I ran from the pain with distraction and, I'm ashamed to say, chemical help. What a huge mistake that was. Like your past experiences, all it did was drag the pain out. When I finally sobered up I realized that if I would've just dealt with my feelings head on instead of trying to bury them I probably would've been much farther along towards healing than I am now.

 

And thank you, Offspring. I hope so too.

[StrangerThanFiction]

My ex called me. I ignored it. For the first time.

[Logo]

Still coping. I still can't seem to get excited about new potentials. And because I have raised my standards after the last relationship, it's harder to find the right person. Not a bad thing, necessarily. But I feel like we had many good things that will be hard to replace. Perhaps I need more time.

[Logo]

I can't sit still. I feel restless. I bought a few books that I liked but can't seem to sit and enjoy them. My mind is going a million miles an hour, thoughts are racing. I feel like my brain is filled with noise, static. If I could only shut that noise out, I would be so successful and happy. But my thoughts haunt me. I'm in a rut.

 

First it was the relationship and then something else happened this last week, another 'event', not on the romantic/relationship level. I usually slowly but surely pick up the pieces, dust myself off and carry on, slowly building myself and my self esteem. But this week I suffered another blow and my motivation to do anything has plummeted. I sleep a lot. When and how will I get out of this? Do I need a short break? Or do I just continue to plow ahead slowly until I get to where I need to be?

 

You made me happy and gave me love and affection and it felt oh so wonderful. But then you took it all away and I feel alone. I miss you even though you don't deserve my missing you. We both made mistakes, but you screwed things up on a whole new level.

[PLT]

Iv'e had an odd January as far as the ex relationship goes. I'm no longer a complete mess, and although there are many, many things I would like to say to her, I have no desire to contact her, especially since she called police (for the second time) in response to me wishing her a Happy New Year. I know why she did it. Its so she can tell the replacement "Oh he was so awful. Look! I Had to call the police twice to stop him from stalking me!" Sending a happy new year email is now stalking apparently. Can't really get my head around that one.

 

Yeah, I should have gone full NC in August. I didn't. That's on me. Persistence paid off before in Feb-May 2016 when she ghosted me, and she told me she liked that I was so persistent. Of course when she next does the disappearing act I'm going to act in a similar way. It's almost like she would "train" me to do things a certain way so that she could turn it around the next time.

 

So I know I'm so much better off without her. I know that overall, I'm so much happier without her drama and games, and my life is much calmer. And yet, I still struggle with the complete 180 by her. On a Weds in Oct (after around 6 weeks of NC from us both after Aug 18) we start to speak again and she sends me an email of a play, implying (but not specifically saying) "Shall we go?", 3 days later she tells me "We are over", doesn't give a reason, and ignores all attempts at contact. I hadn't even seen her in between her sending me the theatre email and being dumped. It was all via text / email.

 

I'm also still struggling with losing what we had, before it all spiralled out of control. I often wonder whether she thinks back to those days and misses them. I wonder whether she has realised that she was just as culpable as I was for it, and if truth be told, more culpable. It wasn't me putting her in no win situations. It wasn't me making outrageous accusations, it wasn't me slagging off her family and friends, it wasn't me criticising everything she did, it wasn't me constantly telling her she wasn't good enough, it wasn't me telling her she could be easily replaced over and over again.

 

Mt head tells me "Thank **** she is gone", my heart tells me "I miss her".

[StrangerThanFiction]

I think it's time I hit myself with some hard cold truth bombs. I do believe I found the reason, or at least the main reason, I'm finding it so hard to move on from him. I think on some level I've been believing that if he comes back to my province in the spring and sees me with all the weight I've lost and feeling confident and happy in myself he'll realize what a mistake he made and want me back and I've been clinging to that hope instead of moving forward. Boom. What I need to realize is that either he most likely won't be coming back out here at all OR if he does, and even if I looked like a goddamn swimsuit model, he wouldn't want me back in any way besides getting a lay out of it. Boom. There is absolutely no happy outcome, for me at least, in any of those scenarios. But here I am clinging to it. I can see this now and it makes me feel stupid.

 

I know that he has moved on with his life and that I'm not even a tiny blip on his radar anymore. I'm pretty much 100% sure that he's with someone else now, or if not exactly with someone else, is pursuing someone else just as hard as he pursued me once upon a time. That's the way he is. I know his life is much better now than it was when he was with me. I always seem to date guys when they're at the lowest points in their lives, then, after we break up they turn themselves around. It'd be nice to meet someone who's doing great for themselves and who wants to be with me while they're doing so for once. I don't know what it is about me that draws men down on their luck to me. I always end up being their support through it and then when they're back on their feet it's bye bye StrangerThanFiction.

 

Anyway, I have to remember that my ex isn't coming back, in any sense of the word. If we by chance do end up working together again I'm going to have to be prepared for him showing nothing but indifference towards me and seeing him hit on other women right in front of me. This potentiality is still months away so I'm hoping that by that time I will have been able to accept this and move on without there being even the smallest crumb of hope left over. I can't allow this man to have that kind of power over my feelings. It was a relatively short relationship that meant more to me than him, obviously, and I need to accept that reality instead of wishing it was otherwise. I need to remember that just because he meant more to me than I to him, that doesn't lessen me as a person. It's a reflection of his character rather than mine.

 

I just wish I didn't miss him and the good times we had together. I wish that every time I do something fun I didn't think about how much I would've enjoyed doing it with him. I'm afraid that I won't get over him and he'll always be there in the back of my mind. It was so easy for him.

[go figure]

A pathetic little statement coming up, but other people get breadcrumbs from their exs, what do I get? Nothing. Trivial I know.

 

Ditto. After the way he handled the break-up, I shouldn't even want breadcrumbs but sadly, (rightly or wrongly) I view breadcrumbs as evidence of some lingering feelings or nice thoughts about the "dumped". In the absence of crumbs, I say to myself "Am I really that easily forgotten" after a year? Dumped last Thursday, so I guess this is Day 4 (or 5 depending on how you look at it since I didn't respond) of NC. Also, trying to convince myself that I'm doing nc for me, not biding time waiting for him to throw a crumb my way….and if you believe that...

[divegrl]

Sooo I messed up. Here i was on day 10 of NC feeling pretty good about myself. Everything seemed to be clicking, my thoughts were clear and my emotions were stable. So I decided to unblock him on text. Ughhhh why did i do this??? So 3 hours later... here come the texts. "I miss you". "I wish you were here with me". Our little silly love emojis. I thought i could handle it but i broke down and texted him back. Big fat mistake.

 

And you know what came next? Silence...... complete silence. He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me. He just wants to boost his ego.

 

I don't want to feel guilty or upset for unblocking or texting him back. It was a lesson and it will make me stronger. I thought I was strong enough to handle his texts.... but I'm not. So, here I go.... blocking again. Also, to everyone else who is posting on this coping thread, i want you to know that I am reading your stories. Thank you so much for sharing as it is helping me know that I am not alone. We have a great group of caring people here.

 

Hugs

[DarrenB]

Why I care and reflect so much baffles me.

 

No, I am no longer in-denial nor am I in a desperate need to want or have her back. I've fully acknowledged that she is now a fading memory, gradually ceasing existence in my present life.

 

Yet, I cannot refrain my emotions in my moments of solitude, my leisure. Don't get me wrong, it's become a hell of a lot easier, however I still feel a persistent suffering occurring whenever I choose to reminisce about her and what we shared. I accept that I am still allowing this, but essentially it is what has made me see forward. It is what has made me feel more determined to achieve my current aspirations in life.

 

I miss loving someone, being in love, sharing intimacy. However, I'd be burdening myself and taking advantage of another human if I were to decide even now that I would like to continue that. I cannot and will not allow that, for I shall begin a new journey with another person when I am fully content.

 

With time comes pain, with pain comes endurance, with endurance comes acceptance and with acceptance comes fulfillment.

 

It gets better (in time), trust me.

[BeStronger]

Not coping too well right now. Tried to go full NC, but i'm not strong enough. We try to do the whole "lets try to be friends". Everyday he would text or call. Just to catch up.

 

When i try to initiate contact, somehow he always "backs off" replying pretty straight to the point, or sometimes not even replying at all.

 

Mind games are driving me crazy. I just want to get over this.

[fairyfloff]

First month I was doing ok, was at a very angry stage and kept myself busy watching shows.

2nd month - started to kick in, I was very down at times, it was during the Xmas break and I had too long of a holiday (3 weeks).

3rd month (current) - I started having many dreams about him or his family, made me miss him/them so much, I woke up and cried .

 

I am finding that the more time passes, the more unlikely we have a chance of getting back together. I miss him even more but I try to remember how bad he is and that only I am feeling this way from the relationship, while he never knew how to love.. so there is no point on holding on and I MUST let go!!

 

I would think about how if I ever bump into him and seeing him with a new gf. It made me sick in the stomach... I hope I am able to move on before that time comes... I wish I was over this.

[divegrl]

Just some thoughts and emotions I'm processing today:

 

- Some small part of me wants to get back together with him. This is denial and it is a stage in the grieving process. It is normal and everyone going thru a break up feels this way at some point.

 

- Most break ups are not linear. There is a very long time poster here who said that it is very rare for a couple to break up, go NC and stay that way. Commonly there is a bit of back and forth before NC is maintained.

 

- Not everyone heals the same pace. I'm trying my best not to judge or compare myself. Other people might take 1 month to heal from a 6 month relationship.... but they are not me. I need to trust that I am exactly where I need to be in the process.

 

Today I really want to unblock his number. But I will not. Nothing good will come of it. I'm holding myself accountable. I need space and time to heal. I deserve this.

 

Take care my friends.

[Logo]

I'm laying in bed thinking about my ex. It's only been a few months since I've last seen her but it feels like years ago.

 

My thoughts carry me away as though my bed has suddenly become resistant to gravity and my mind wanders along with my body.

 

Is the next one always better than the last? I wonder. They would be different, but will I ever again feel the same excitement and high I felt when I met my ex.

 

Everything seems bland. I haven't left the house in a few days. I just don't feel like doing anything anymore. I'm sinking into this depression, gaining weight.

 

Things feel like they're spiraling into a deep dark hole. Listening to music keeps me in that somber mood that somehow feels right.

 

Women are no longer on my mind. I look at blogs and websites and try to fill the void by purchasing the latest electronic gadget.

 

I feel drained, emotionally, physically.

Today I didn't even have the motivation to make myself breakfast. Instead I snacked on pretzels.

 

I need to get out and socialize. What has become of me?

 

Same time last year I was on top of the world with my girl sleeping on my chest.

 

Oh how things change.

[sorano]

Logo, it was around this time of the month when I got dumped. I know the feeling you mentioned. Being on top of the world. you feel like you can accomplish anything when you have a person you love by your side. Your a team. I had that feeling. It was taken away. The pain is real. I'm sure you will bounce back. Take as much time as you want. No rush. I think we can fall in love again. It won't be the same, but, you will and can. I know I can love again but I choose not too. Not a fan of this dating thing anymore and how people act today.

[MrPlop]

Two days ago I drove by what I believed to be her (but I was pretty sure it was nothing but my mind playing tricks). Today I woke up to this pretty weird sensation which lasted all day. Going to bed and dismissing this odd feeling I had my best girl friend text me telling me my ex wants my number for some kind of emergency. (can't even remember my number, nice) I don't think so buddy, I feel weak for hesitating, but dead men (women) tell no tales. I need to stay strong no matter what.

 

Could this been the call? the one we all beg to get but pray never to?