How are you coping today?

[Logo]

I'll admit it. I went in a date tonight because I was bored and thought it would be fun. But it was a bust. And all it did is remind me of what I no longer have. The more dates I go on, the harder it feels that I'll find that girl I'm looking for, someone I really enjoyed being around and with like my ex.

 

It's depressing.

[not-again]

No contact is the way to go. some may not agree. even if its left on good terms, that person will always be there. I don't do well with remaining friends with a woman who I dated / loved. Its either your there or not. Block, ignore, and if you see them in person, I dont acknowledge them. If they say hi to me, its on word answers and say hey, I have to go. Be polite, gentleman or lady like.

 

Well spoken. Never once stayed friends with an ex, ESPECIALLY a cheater. I personally can't bear to see them again. Brings back too much memories which then gets me upset.

 

I often try and move on by believing that the one for you is out there somewhere. They're waiting patiently for the day they meet fall deeply in love with you. And she is someone I don't want to give up on. It's a matter of time when I will meet the girl I will spend the rest of my life with. I just know it...I think. :(

[DarrenB]

darren, the relapse are tough. Its been one year for me and I had a little relapse back in december. My nephews first birthday, we had it at a place on the water. My ex's best friend lived in that area. all I thought about was, wow, she would have loved to be here with me and family. It was a tough pill swallow driving there and having to be there for a party. Just typing this, I feel sadness. I know I lost my girl. she is gone and will never come back.

 

I can fully empathise with that. It seems that the more occupied you become, there always seems to be a reminiscence of some sort and a reminder of them in most if not all activities you personally do, especially if you did them together in the past. I'm really sympathetic for you that you're still in this constant spiral of despair and sorrow.

 

I used to see her after work, 3 times a week. Even if I had a busy schedule or I was just genuinely tired, I would still make the time for her, because sometimes she needed it. My daily routine would be to work 9-5, then on the days of which I would see her, buy her family some housewarming gifts, some bakeries and get her flowers. Some people would assume that's too much but for me I just literally got into the routine of it, plus they didn't mind. I'd see her for a minimal of 4/5 hours then drive home. It tired me and sometimes made me incredibly sleep deprived, but she meant the world to me and I would have crossed oceans and burning bridges just to spend a few moments with her.

 

Now, it's exactly the same routine minus everything that involves her. I reminisce then I become sorrowful because I know I cannot see her. Then I just go home and listen to Hans Zimmer till I fall asleep, then repeat.

 

It's ridiculous how much someone can change your life for the better, but then for the worse. Sometimes you cannot blame them, you have to blame yourself. I'm not particularly fearful or worried for and if I share my life with anyone else in the future, because from what I've already gathered in my 18 years of living is that although love is like an epidemic, it doesn't always serve as a benefit and can become obsolete and meaningless.

[Logo]

.........From what I've already gathered in my 18 years of living is that although love is like an epidemic, it doesn't always serve as a benefit and can become obsolete and meaningless.

 

 

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

Adele

 

Hans Zimmer:

 

https://g.co/kgs/RBLmzo

Edited January 14, 2017 by Logo

[EASurvivor]

It's still such a shock to me that the person I thought I could potentially spend the rest of my life with was a fake. One minute I'm happy and strong, next I'm crying all over again. Sure, I may be only 19 years old and have a lot of life to live, but the love and closeness I felt was so real... and I thought he was so real.... anybody that reads my thread will understand.

 

Why did he have to turn out to be like this? Why??????

[Logo]

It's still such a shock to me that the person I thought I could potentially spend the rest of my life with was a fake. One minute I'm happy and strong, next I'm crying all over again. Sure, I may be only 19 years old and have a lot of life to live, but the love and closeness I felt was so real... and I thought he was so real.... anybody that reads my thread will understand.

 

Why did he have to turn out to be like this? Why??????

 

 

How long were you together?

[divegrl]

It's still such a shock to me that the person I thought I could potentially spend the rest of my life with was a fake. One minute I'm happy and strong, next I'm crying all over again. Sure, I may be only 19 years old and have a lot of life to live, but the love and closeness I felt was so real... and I thought he was so real.... anybody that reads my thread will understand.

 

Why did he have to turn out to be like this? Why??????

 

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

[sorano]

Well spoken. Never once stayed friends with an ex, ESPECIALLY a cheater. I personally can't bear to see them again. Brings back too much memories which then gets me upset.

 

I often try and move on by believing that the one for you is out there somewhere. They're waiting patiently for the day they meet fall deeply in love with you. And she is someone I don't want to give up on. It's a matter of time when I will meet the girl I will spend the rest of my life with. I just know it...I think. :(

 

Its hard to remain friends. I remember when I went off on my ex. she told me, it didnt have to be this way. There is no turning back. The break up was too ugly. what did she mean it didnt have to be this way? she wanted to break up with me after lying and being fake, and wanted to remain friends. No. Im not your toy. I am nobodies toy or fool.

 

Like you, I can't stand to see them again as well

[sorano]

I can fully empathise with that. It seems that the more occupied you become, there always seems to be a reminiscence of some sort and a reminder of them in most if not all activities you personally do, especially if you did them together in the past. I'm really sympathetic for you that you're still in this constant spiral of despair and sorrow.

 

I used to see her after work, 3 times a week. Even if I had a busy schedule or I was just genuinely tired, I would still make the time for her, because sometimes she needed it. My daily routine would be to work 9-5, then on the days of which I would see her, buy her family some housewarming gifts, some bakeries and get her flowers. Some people would assume that's too much but for me I just literally got into the routine of it, plus they didn't mind. I'd see her for a minimal of 4/5 hours then drive home. It tired me and sometimes made me incredibly sleep deprived, but she meant the world to me and I would have crossed oceans and burning bridges just to spend a few moments with her.

 

Now, it's exactly the same routine minus everything that involves her. I reminisce then I become sorrowful because I know I cannot see her. Then I just go home and listen to Hans Zimmer till I fall asleep, then repeat.

 

It's ridiculous how much someone can change your life for the better, but then for the worse. Sometimes you cannot blame them, you have to blame yourself. I'm not particularly fearful or worried for and if I share my life with anyone else in the future, because from what I've already gathered in my 18 years of living is that although love is like an epidemic, it doesn't always serve as a benefit and can become obsolete and meaningless.

 

Very well said darren. You and I are alike in many ways. A gentleman, a man, and you are willing to go above and beyond for that special person just to see them smile.

 

I do keep busy as well. But like you said, there are times where certain things will trigger a memory. we relapse and start from scratch once again.

 

The person that I would look forward to seeing, to make happy, to be there for her and to love her, just disappeared and is now the person I do not want to see anymore. It went from one extreme to another. I do not know what I did wrong. All I know is, she didn't feel the same anymore. she was happy and fine. In the matter of two weeks, I was gone. she dumped me. 180 like whoa. Hang in there my friend. Your a good person and in the end, everything will be ok. one way or another, whether its with a woman or not, its all going to be ok.

[Offspring]

Towards the end I became too attached, emotional and needy. I am thankful I can now see these issues.

 

What did you do divegrl?

 

I was all of the above too, as well as verbally aggressive and said some horrible things... Mostly out of hurt and anger (frustration), but it is still unacceptable.

[DarrenB]

Very well said darren. You and I are alike in many ways. A gentleman, a man, and you are willing to go above and beyond for that special person just to see them smile.

 

I do keep busy as well. But like you said, there are times where certain things will trigger a memory. we relapse and start from scratch once again.

 

The person that I would look forward to seeing, to make happy, to be there for her and to love her, just disappeared and is now the person I do not want to see anymore. It went from one extreme to another. I do not know what I did wrong. All I know is, she didn't feel the same anymore. she was happy and fine. In the matter of two weeks, I was gone. she dumped me. 180 like whoa. Hang in there my friend. Your a good person and in the end, everything will be ok. one way or another, whether its with a woman or not, its all going to be ok.

 

Likewise to you, Sorano. Thank you.

 

Although I'm an advocate for solitude, independence and prosperity created by oneself, I do believe that 'love' conquers all. You will find what you had experienced with her again, and it will be perpetual. I hope that all of us seeking it or atleast considering to find it, manage to eventually settle with another.

 

I'll quote a song by The Smiths, the band that brought me and my ex together:

 

'There is a light that never goes out'

 

Embed this phrase in your mind, because you are that light and you can provide yourself the happiness that only you can fulfill.

[spiderowl]

Well, had to put a guy off because I have a long-term condition which makes me tired and I could not commit to travelling regularly to see him. He seemed to expect me to travel for the first meeting too, which I didn't feel too happy with.

 

Other guy is married and wants to meet for lunch 'as friends'. He seems fun and interesting but I can see that would be a slippery slope.

 

Different guy has chatted with me for months but has problems with meeting. Pity because that is the best connection I've felt in years.

 

Finally, friend wants to take me out but I'm not physically attracted and he's quite a pushy, impulsive character. Very interesting guy but ultimately better as friend than more.

 

Seemingly lots of options but actually none. I feel very confused and demoralised. I might as well give up.

[sorano]

Likewise to you, Sorano. Thank you.

 

Although I'm an advocate for solitude, independence and prosperity created by oneself, I do believe that 'love' conquers all. You will find what you had experienced with her again, and it will be perpetual. I hope that all of us seeking it or atleast considering to find it, manage to eventually settle with another.

 

I'll quote a song by The Smiths, the band that brought me and my ex together:

 

'There is a light that never goes out'

 

Embed this phrase in your mind, because you are that light and you can provide yourself the happiness that only you can fulfill.

 

I stand by everything you just said. I agree. There is one light that never goes out. That light still pushes people to seek love after they have been hurt. They are willing to risk that heart break again. Hopefully, it doesn't.

 

I can only speak for myself but, I am going to continue the journey solo and I don't want to pursue love anymore. I said it in the past after this break up and all the other failed attempts to find love. yes I know. Don't give up. But I do wave the white flag and for me, its over. which is why I said I am only speaking for myself. People who want to continue that is great. You will love again and find that special person. I honstly don't have the power, time, desire to do so. I am content at this moment.

 

And not to bash anyone, or women, or offend anyone but, the generation of women today, its not the same. Maybe its bc I live in new york. I don't know. Men are also at fault. you have your good and bad on both sides. I just feel the roles that we play have changed and its not looking good for the future. Just my opinion. I for one, am done. The marriage thing, family, women, its over. By saying that, I feel relieved. I just feel free and happy.

[winny]

The abyss seems to be pulling me inside it again..........

Trying so hard not to go there.

[Logo]

I stand by everything you just said. I agree. There is one light that never goes out. That light still pushes people to seek love after they have been hurt. They are willing to risk that heart break again. Hopefully, it doesn't.

 

I can only speak for myself but, I am going to continue the journey solo and I don't want to pursue love anymore. I said it in the past after this break up and all the other failed attempts to find love. yes I know. Don't give up. But I do wave the white flag and for me, its over. which is why I said I am only speaking for myself. People who want to continue that is great. You will love again and find that special person. I honstly don't have the power, time, desire to do so. I am content at this moment.

 

And not to bash anyone, or women, or offend anyone but, the generation of women today, its not the same. Maybe its bc I live in new york. I don't know. Men are also at fault. you have your good and bad on both sides. I just feel the roles that we play have changed and its not looking good for the future. Just my opinion. I for one, am done. The marriage thing, family, women, its over. By saying that, I feel relieved. I just feel free and happy.

 

 

It's not easy looking for and finding a partner these days. People seem fickle. Instead of putting an effort into a relationship they run at the first sign of difficulty.

 

I feel that people don't really appreciate or understand what love means anymore, either. They seem duplicitous, hypocritical and selfish.

 

And I don't blame you one bit for being cynical and feeling the way you do.

 

But I think you will be surprised what the right person can do to you and how she can change your mind once you cross paths with her.

 

For the time being, until I find that person, I'm looking inward and working on myself. I know the right person will come along and that I will experience love again. I know what I had was a learning lesson.

 

Stay strong, my friend. Best wishes!

[winny]

 

For the time being, until I find that person, I'm looking inward and working on myself. I know the right person will come along and that I will experience love again.

 

Amen!!

 

~~~~~

[StrangerThanFiction]

Well, I r dumb sometimes. This past Thursday evening I finally reblocked my ex on FB. I caught myself obsessively checking his page and I realized that I was causing myself unnecessary anguish and that by doing this I wasn't letting go. This was the smart thing I did. Well lo and behold 12 hours later, or, the next morning, ex texts me. Coincidence? Perhaps, perhaps not. Doesn't really matter in the long run. Anyway, I had been out late the night before and his text woke me up so I was cranky. I gave him very short responses. I asked him what he wanted now (I had done him a big favour the week before). He said, what, he can't just text to say hi? Not bloody likely! I brushed it off. He had told me a week ago that he would shoot me a text later in the day and that he had just remembered (a week later). Wow, slap me in the face with how little I cross your mind a little harder next time. So anyway, we chatted for a bit and I said that he should call me on Sunday (today). He said sure, he'll text me first to make sure I'm free.

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand...nothing. Not a peep. I honestly didn't expect him to but it still hurt. Really pushed home that I mean nothing and don't cross his mind. Granted, I did this to myself so I really have no room to gripe but I had an ulterior motive for the whole endeavour.

 

I've been having a hard time fully letting him go so I set this up as a way to kick my a** into doing so. I went into it knowing full well he'd do this and that I would get hurt. Sometimes my heart and brain need incontrovertible proof of what they already know to get in gear and do what needs to be done. Now I know for a fact where I stand. I am unimportant to him and nothing more than an afterthought. This is where my wounded pride kicks in and takes over. It tells me that someone who doesn't do what they say they're going to do doesn't deserve to be a part of my life. It tells me to put on my big girl panties and finally cut him out completely by blocking all other ways that he can contact me because there is absolutely no reason to talk to him. It tells me that I deserve better than this and the only reason I kept this line of communication open was because I was hoping he would call and tell me that he still loves me and misses me. It tells me that no, he doesn't love me nor miss me and that the most likely reason he sends out breadcrumbs is so that if he does come back to my neck of the woods he'll have a potential lay.

 

Them's some hard truths you laid on me, Pride, but they're ones I need to come to terms with. Yes, they hurt. They hurt bad. But at the same time, they're what's going to help me sever the last of the chains that have bound me to this guy. They're what's going to help me finally let go and keep me strong.

 

Whew, reading all that back I realize that I'm a very strange person.

[divegrl]

Well, I r dumb sometimes. This past Thursday evening I finally reblocked my ex on FB. I caught myself obsessively checking his page and I realized that I was causing myself unnecessary anguish and that by doing this I wasn't letting go. This was the smart thing I did. Well lo and behold 12 hours later, or, the next morning, ex texts me. Coincidence? Perhaps, perhaps not. Doesn't really matter in the long run. Anyway, I had been out late the night before and his text woke me up so I was cranky. I gave him very short responses. I asked him what he wanted now (I had done him a big favour the week before). He said, what, he can't just text to say hi? Not bloody likely! I brushed it off. He had told me a week ago that he would shoot me a text later in the day and that he had just remembered (a week later). Wow, slap me in the face with how little I cross your mind a little harder next time. So anyway, we chatted for a bit and I said that he should call me on Sunday (today). He said sure, he'll text me first to make sure I'm free.

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand...nothing. Not a peep. I honestly didn't expect him to but it still hurt. Really pushed home that I mean nothing and don't cross his mind. Granted, I did this to myself so I really have no room to gripe but I had an ulterior motive for the whole endeavour.

 

I've been having a hard time fully letting him go so I set this up as a way to kick my a** into doing so. I went into it knowing full well he'd do this and that I would get hurt. Sometimes my heart and brain need incontrovertible proof of what they already know to get in gear and do what needs to be done. Now I know for a fact where I stand. I am unimportant to him and nothing more than an afterthought. This is where my wounded pride kicks in and takes over. It tells me that someone who doesn't do what they say they're going to do doesn't deserve to be a part of my life. It tells me to put on my big girl panties and finally cut him out completely by blocking all other ways that he can contact me because there is absolutely no reason to talk to him. It tells me that I deserve better than this and the only reason I kept this line of communication open was because I was hoping he would call and tell me that he still loves me and misses me. It tells me that no, he doesn't love me nor miss me and that the most likely reason he sends out breadcrumbs is so that if he does come back to my neck of the woods he'll have a potential lay.

 

Them's some hard truths you laid on me, Pride, but they're ones I need to come to terms with. Yes, they hurt. They hurt bad. But at the same time, they're what's going to help me sever the last of the chains that have bound me to this guy. They're what's going to help me finally let go and keep me strong.

 

Whew, reading all that back I realize that I'm a very strange person.

 

Not strange at all! Those are perfectly normal feelings for what you are going thru! I'm so sorry this is happening. My ex too would send me a text the said " hi what r u dong". I would send a text back and then you know what? Silence. It was a power thing for him to text me. If I responded then he knew he still had me. Blocking texts has been the biggest thing that has helped me in my breakup so far. A big hug to you my friend!

[StrangerThanFiction]

Not strange at all! Those are perfectly normal feelings for what you are going thru! I'm so sorry this is happening. My ex too would send me a text the said " hi what r u dong". I would send a text back and then you know what? Silence. It was a power thing for him to text me. If I responded then he knew he still had me. Blocking texts has been the biggest thing that has helped me in my breakup so far. A big hug to you my friend!

 

Thank you so much for this. I'm 100% sure my ex is doing the exact same thing as yours. I feel so stupid. I always tell people to block their exes off of everything possible to avoid just this situation, but here I am having a hell of a time actually hitting the big red block button! Gah! I know that there is no good reason not to, but damn it's hard. Maybe it's because when I finally do, that's it. He's finally really gone. Maybe that's what scares me. After he's gone...then what? What's left? Bah, I'm making this sound like some sort of existential crisis when in fact it's nothing more than me needing to grab a hold of my backbone and face a future without my ex in it.

 

I do believe I will follow in your footsteps and finally block my ex so I can avoid this crap in the future. Thank you so much for the support, it really does mean a lot. A big hug to you as well

[sorano]

It's not easy looking for and finding a partner these days. People seem fickle. Instead of putting an effort into a relationship they run at the first sign of difficulty.

 

I feel that people don't really appreciate or understand what love means anymore, either. They seem duplicitous, hypocritical and selfish.

 

And I don't blame you one bit for being cynical and feeling the way you do.

 

But I think you will be surprised what the right person can do to you and how she can change your mind once you cross paths with her.

 

For the time being, until I find that person, I'm looking inward and working on myself. I know the right person will come along and that I will experience love again. I know what I had was a learning lesson.

 

Stay strong, my friend. Best wishes!

 

Thank you. People are disposable these days. Nobody tries. Nobody wants to work. I really hope you do find that person. Everybody deserves to be loved, treated with respect, given a chance, whatever. All that good stuff. You know what I mean. I hope everyone on here has there hearts healed and finds loves or simply moves on without anymore pain. As for me, it simply is over. I just don't want to be with a woman anymore. My dream has been shattered and like I said before, I literally have no more energy to give to a woman, a relationship, a commitment. Nothing. Its gone.

 

I thank you again for the kind words. Its all going to be ok at the end. I know your going to find that person.

[divegrl]

Thank you so much for this. I'm 100% sure my ex is doing the exact same thing as yours. I feel so stupid. I always tell people to block their exes off of everything possible to avoid just this situation, but here I am having a hell of a time actually hitting the big red block button! Gah! I know that there is no good reason not to, but damn it's hard. Maybe it's because when I finally do, that's it. He's finally really gone. Maybe that's what scares me. After he's gone...then what? What's left? Bah, I'm making this sound like some sort of existential crisis when in fact it's nothing more than me needing to grab a hold of my backbone and face a future without my ex in it.

 

I do believe I will follow in your footsteps and finally block my ex so I can avoid this crap in the future. Thank you so much for the support, it really does mean a lot. A big hug to you as well

 

Awww. Everything you say makes perfect sense. It's like your mind knows what it should do, but the heart still believes in love. I struggle with this every second of every day. I just want to reach out, talk to him, hug him. But what I really want is for him to say " sorry, this was all a mistake and I want you back". But I know no text or call I make will make him feel that way. And it hurts. It hurts so bad.

 

It absolutely sux. We have a right to keep grieving, keep crying and keep being angry for as long as we need to. Plz know you're not alone in this.

 

Hugs

[divegrl]

The abyss seems to be pulling me inside it again..........

Trying so hard not to go there.

 

Hey winny. I don't know you're story, but I'm so sorry for what you're going thru. Thought I'd reach out and say my heart hurts with you.

 

Hugs

[Deadmeat]

I feel this dichotomy of sadness and happiness take me whenever I read the posts and threads in the coping section. There are many just like me who have gone through what I have. Many like myself, months ago when I was so lost I actually contemplated ending it. And many still who have had more time than I deal with the loss of their love and still have not found indifference.

 

I'm not worried anymore. I used to be sad that I lost my first love. Tonight I feel a sense of gratitude for this experience. I feel like I've grown and matured emotionally. I am no longer quick to react and wear this scar as a shield.

 

I am seeing someone for now. She is fond of me and I of her. But, I find myself standing by the shallow end of the water unable to take the plunge. I am afraid of getting hurt. I am being pulled by my ex. I am lost in translation. And I am thankful for it.

[divegrl]

I feel empty today.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I went in for another counselling session today. It went really well and I left feeling pretty good about myself and my progress. Made some breakthroughs and had my perspective shifted a little and was given a lot of encouragement to keep strong and keep moving forward. Afterwards I went to a friend's house for dinner and we ended up having a bonfire with a few of our other friends. I was having fun when all of a sudden I started to feel sad and lonely, all while my friends were laughing and joking around me. One of the guys there made it pretty obvious that he was interested in me and invited me back to his place. Though it was flattering, I politely declined because all I wanted to do was go home and think.

 

When I got home I decided to analyze why I was feeling the way I was. I believe why I was sad was because, due to some of the things we talked about and I realized in my counselling session, I definitively and emotionally took another step away from my ex and I am feeling that loss. There's a part of me that is stubbornly refusing to let that last little bit of him go, even though I know that that is the unavoidable end point to this whole situation. I still haven't blocked his number from my phone because of this. Seeing this, I remembered a question my counsellor asked me during our session. She asked me how sure I was that, when I feel the time is right, I would finally block him. Without hesitation I answered 100%. That will be the last step at finally detaching completely.

 

I suppose I don't feel that the time is right yet. My gut says that there's still more between us that has to play out before I can finally reach that point. Not in us getting back together or anything like that, but something. Maybe one more nail in the coffin? Maybe my mind is deluding me to keep me hanging on. I know that the right thing to do would be to block him immediately, as in right this second, but I just can't seem to work up the strength of will to do it quite yet. By keeping him unblocked I am only prolonging my healing process. I know this.

 

I just have to take this last step and he'll be gone and it terrifies me for some reason. Knowing that someone I loved so much will become nothing more than a stranger causes me so much pain but I know that there's no other choice or outcome so why drag it on? I just need to let go.