How are you coping today?

[PLT]

I've had a setback. Before NYE I emailed her, just to wish her a happy new year, and to tell her I had tried my best but was now going to move on with my life as she has done. This was 2 weeks ago.

 

This morning I have a policeman standing on my doorstep threatening to arrest me for harassment. I told him exactly what my last email to her said and he said "Oh, OK. Yeah that does seem a bit of an extreme reaction".

 

Nasty, spiteful bitch. I started to ask myself why she would do this, but quickly realised she did it because she is not a normal adult human being and still wants to hurt me.

 

My first reaction was obviously anger. I felt compelled to get in my car and go to her to find out what the hell she is playing at. Obviously, I quickly realized that this wasn't the best way of going about it.

 

I think she just wants to have the last word, or to feel like she controls me still. Why else would your response to "Happy New Year. I wont be contacting you again as I'm going to move on with my life as you have done" be to call the police demanding that I not contact her again?

 

I just have to keep saying the same 2 words over and over to myself. BULLET DODGED.

 

Those photos I'm having trouble putting into a seperate folder....I'm seriously considering just destroying them now. I'm not sure I want any photographic memories of this nasty, vindictive woman.

 

I'm so angry.

[keiji]

I've had a setback. Before NYE I emailed her, just to wish her a happy new year, and to tell her I had tried my best but was now going to move on with my life as she has done. This was 2 weeks ago.

 

This morning I have a policeman standing on my doorstep threatening to arrest me for harassment. I told him exactly what my last email to her said and he said "Oh, OK. Yeah that does seem a bit of an extreme reaction".

 

Nasty, spiteful bitch. I started to ask myself why she would do this, but quickly realised she did it because she is not a normal adult human being and still wants to hurt me.

 

My first reaction was obviously anger. I felt compelled to get in my car and go to her to find out what the hell she is playing at. Obviously, I quickly realized that this wasn't the best way of going about it.

 

I think she just wants to have the last word, or to feel like she controls me still. Why else would your response to "Happy New Year. I wont be contacting you again as I'm going to move on with my life as you have done" be to call the police demanding that I not contact her again?

 

I just have to keep saying the same 2 words over and over to myself. BULLET DODGED.

 

Those photos I'm having trouble putting into a seperate folder....I'm seriously considering just destroying them now. I'm not sure I want any photographic memories of this nasty, vindictive woman.

 

I'm so angry.

 

Jesus, that's truly awful. Wait until you feel calmer to decide whether you destroy those photos or not. You might regret it.

 

And now that I've mentioned the reasonable and rational thing to do, this is what I would do: I'd light up a nice fire and burn them one by one and never look back. Even if you had harassed her, she should have answered your message asking not to contact her again. Her behavior is ridiculous and insulting to say the least.

 

Cheer up, man. You DID DODGE A BULLET. Congrats!

[PLT]

Jesus, that's truly awful. Wait until you feel calmer to decide whether you destroy those photos or not. You might regret it.

 

And now that I've mentioned the reasonable and rational thing to do, this is what I would do: I'd light up a nice fire and burn them one by one and never look back. Even if you had harassed her, she should have answered your message asking not to contact her again. Her behavior is ridiculous and insulting to say the least.

 

Cheer up, man. You DID DODGE A BULLET. Congrats!

 

Thanks man. I shouldn't be surprised really. She was never exactly the most rational person. It just feels like she wants to get one more twist of the knife in. Or that by getting police involved absolves her of all the **** she did. I now have no doubt in my mind that she dumped me after 4 years for someone she had a 1 night stand with 20 years ago, and that all this police bollocks is just to add some drama / so she can be a victim in his eyes.

 

One thing's for sure. Whereas before if she had made contact with me I would have fallen for it. Now, there is ZERO chance of that. I don't care how long it is. If she contacts me in 5 years time she will get the same answer as if she contacted me tomorrow. "**** OFF!"

 

She has previous for trying to contact long ago exes when her current relationship is hitting a rough patch, I will not be used in any of her future relationships that way.

 

It also kinda hurts. She has now permanently tainted ALL of our time together, even the good times. I hope her life tail spins into the ground.

[keiji]

Thanks man. I shouldn't be surprised really. She was never exactly the most rational person. It just feels like she wants to get one more twist of the knife in. Or that by getting police involved absolves her of all the **** she did. I now have no doubt in my mind that she dumped me after 4 years for someone she had a 1 night stand with 20 years ago, and that all this police bollocks is just to add some drama / so she can be a victim in his eyes.

 

One thing's for sure. Whereas before if she had made contact with me I would have fallen for it. Now, there is ZERO chance of that. I don't care how long it is. If she contacts me in 5 years time she will get the same answer as if she contacted me tomorrow. "**** OFF!"

 

She has previous for trying to contact long ago exes when her current relationship is hitting a rough patch, I will not be used in any of her future relationships that way.

 

It also kinda hurts. She has now permanently tainted ALL of our time together, even the good times. I hope her life tail spins into the ground.

 

I was in the same boat with my ex-wife and my latest ex-girlfriend. Feeling betrayed and mistreated like this can be almost unbearable, so I know how you're feeling at this moment, but if she has a history of contacting ex's, try to stay calm for now.

 

Two or three years after cheating on me, leaving our place, moving with another guy, stealing most of what I had, spreading BS about me and a long etc, my ex wife sent a nice birthday message saying how much she loved me, blah, blah, blah. So I finally had my chance to say a big, glorious "f*** you". And honestly, if your ex is capable of such actions, sooner or later it will take a toll on her. Karma, other people's revenges, you name it.

[sorano]

karma's a bitch. It will always get you when you are at your highest in life, and smack you right back down.

 

Don't contact her anymore. DO yourself a favor. No more contact. And? this is just me. I'm not that guy that forgives, forgets, or stands back down when you hurt me, lie to me or use me. I would destroy the pics. Just my opinion. whatever she gave you, out. Garbage. Outta here

[Minneloa]

A little deflated. After my epiphany yesterday, I was feeling forward momentum. Then, my ex texted me this morning. Just Hi, I miss you, but enough to rev up my overthinking.

 

I don't think his breadcrumbs mean anything, and he has said nothing about re-evaluating his anti-relationship stance. So it's textbook empty calories.

 

I believe he misses me. But I also know that this does not equate to wanting to try again, or even wanting to talk with me. Sadly, I think he probably just needs a little attention from me to soothe his ego & then he'll go happily back to his Freebird ways.

 

Unfair? Perhaps. But I am determined not to budge unless he comes up with something more substantial than a text that took two seconds to compose and send.

 

Sigh. Not so girl power today.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today was alright. Neither good nor bad, I suppose. During the day I felt pretty good but then once evening hit my mood started to fall a bit and I felt a little sad. I wondered what he was doing and if he thought about me. I wondered if he was with his new chick. Then I kicked myself in the butt and reminded myself that none of that matters now. Instead, I decided to analyze how I felt right now compared to how I felt even a week ago. A week ago I still felt like there was a massive sucking wound in my chest that would never heal. Today, and for the last couple days if I'm honest, I feel like there's not much more than a divot. It still hurts, but it doesn't feel like it will never heal anymore. I can feel how far I've come from where I started only a little over a month ago when we broke up. It helps that I've been actively trying to better myself and also putting distance between myself and anything to do with my ex instead of wallowing in my pain. I feel some shame for how long I let myself do that. I'm moving forward with my life every day that passes by. There may be some hiccups in the future but I know that this is something that I can handle and that this is an opportunity to be better, smarter, and stronger than I was.

[DarrenB]

 

This morning I have a policeman standing on my doorstep threatening to arrest me for harassment. I told him exactly what my last email to her said and he said "Oh, OK. Yeah that does seem a bit of an extreme reaction".

 

I'm so angry.

 

I'm sorry that you had to encounter such a scenario. Some people just seem to enjoy the woe of others. Hopefully you'll be able to move past this completely and forget the existence of this spiteful women. I bestow my condolence/s to you.

[DarrenB]

I wish I could have lucid dreams, just so that I can experience in my own fantasy the presence and the feel of her love and adoration again. I'm for sure starting to relapse all over again, but I'm not going to allow myself to not be able to control it.

 

I sometimes feel and believe that I'm burdening myself. Some people can instantly find closure and comfort in others, whereas I find the solace in myself. I'm sure months, years from now that hopefully I'll be able to find someone else and start a new journey with them. I'm past flings and short-term relationships, I was a long time ago.

 

Alas, for the meantime the struggle is still persistent and the worry for her increases. But I fully acknowledge and understand I've lost her, in perpetual and everlasting circumstances. That's where my closure lies.

[divegrl]

I blocked my ex from imessage and text just now. And I feel a huge weight lifted off my chest. I don't have to wonder if you will send a 2am text. I don't have to spend hours trying to figure out if I should respond to your texts, its emotionally exhausting. I don't have to wonder what "i miss u" really means.

 

If my ex really wants me back he can go through one of our friends or family, but he will have to make his intentions public and that will be a huge barrier for him. I feel like i can finally breathe.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I blocked my ex from imessage and text just now. And I feel a huge weight lifted off my chest. I don't have to wonder if you will send a 2am text. I don't have to spend hours trying to figure out if I should respond to your texts, its emotionally exhausting. I don't have to wonder what "i miss u" really means.

 

If my ex really wants me back he can go through one of our friends or family, but he will have to make his intentions public and that will be a huge barrier for him. I feel like i can finally breathe.

 

It's totally liberating when you make the choice to block him isn't it? You don't get that adrenaline shot every time your phone goes off anymore wondering if it's him. You're now much less available to him. Like you said, if he really wants you back he'll make the effort to reach you instead of just tossing out 2am breadcrumbs hoping you're in a weak enough place to give him a stroke to his ego. You deserve someone who would move heaven and earth to be with you.

[divegrl]

It's totally liberating when you make the choice to block him isn't it? You don't get that adrenaline shot every time your phone goes off anymore wondering if it's him. You're now much less available to him. Like you said, if he really wants you back he'll make the effort to reach you instead of just tossing out 2am breadcrumbs hoping you're in a weak enough place to give him a stroke to his ego. You deserve someone who would move heaven and earth to be with you.

 

Exactly! You get it!

 

After blocking him I had time to think about our relationship. I now see there were unacceptable behaviors on my part. Towards the end I became too attached, emotional and needy. I am thankful I can now see these issues. I now have the time and space to work on them. Become a stronger person. Today is a good day.

[Logo]

I miss her too much. I miss her touch. I miss hugging her and just holding her. I don't know if I'll find anyone who's company I'll enjoy as much any time soon. I should have taken her hints and given her more space. But it's too late now. i miss her scent and that ever loving and reassuring embrace. I was going through a crisis and so was she and life just took a toll on the relationship. We didn't handle the challenges well.

 

There's no going back now. If I reach out after NC, I have a feeling I'll regret it for the rest of my life. What would be the point anyway? I won't be able to bring myself to have a friendly conversation with her after she cheated. So what's the point?

 

After the breakup or even before, I had thought it would be easy to find someone else, I was hopeful. But the more time passes, the more I realize I could be in this for the long haul.

 

I miss what she was before she cheated. At least then I could look her in the eyes.

[not-again]

Not coping too well today. Went out with friends and kept busy but whenever I had a minute or so to myself, she was there on my mind. It really gets me because this year was suppose to be out new adventure. We've had so many loving and amazing adventure that I want to keep on building more until we've reached our old age. But now it brings a tear to my eyes that I cannot see her by my side in the future anymore because she don't even want to work things out even after 6 best years of my life. There was so much love that it feels like we've been together for 10 years.

 

I just feel emptiness inside. Often it feels like there constant butterflies in my gut (not in the "I'm falling in love" way), more of a "I want to crawl up into the fetal position and cry".

 

Really a blow to the guts because on our next holiday, I was going to ask her father for his blessing to marry his daughter. A bit traditional that way but I don't care.

[divegrl]

I miss her too much. I miss her touch. I miss hugging her and just holding her. I don't know if I'll find anyone who's company I'll enjoy as much any time soon. I should have taken her hints and given her more space. But it's too late now. i miss her scent and that ever loving and reassuring embrace. I was going through a crisis and so was she and life just took a toll on the relationship. We didn't handle the challenges well.

 

There's no going back now. If I reach out after NC, I have a feeling I'll regret it for the rest of my life. What would be the point anyway? I won't be able to bring myself to have a friendly conversation with her after she cheated. So what's the point?

 

After the breakup or even before, I had thought it would be easy to find someone else, I was hopeful. But the more time passes, the more I realize I could be in this for the long haul.

 

I miss what she was before she cheated. At least then I could look her in the eyes.

 

My heart hurts with you. Hugs.

[CommittedToThis]

she did it because she is not a normal adult human being and still wants to hurt me.

 

Hi PLT, so sorry you are still being subjected to this level of abuse; I'm 17+ months out of a relationship with someone I suspect has Cluster B personality disorders; she recently insisted on being FWB's so I agreed.

 

It didn't work out well.

 

I said something that angered her (as usual) and next thing I know she's sending me emails telling me how many guys just responded to her Craigslist ad and how she's going to orally please each and every one of them before the day is out.

 

If I still loved this woman it would shatter my heart to hear stuff like this; in fact, I did love her for 10 years but she did stuff like this all the time and, well, it just killed any feelings I had that I could trust her not to hurt me.

 

I find it really sad to think she thinks I can still be hurt in this fashion, as if I care who she boinks considering I left her in the summer of 2015.

 

Hang in there, hopefully soon she'll find another supply and discard you for good. "Bullet dodged" indeed.

[MeadowFlower]

I should face it, he is NOT coming back, EVER . But that's not easy to convince myself of sometimes. I should obviate all hope inside, even any slight glimmer or wish.

Edited January 13, 2017 by MeadowFlower

[MrPlop]

Today I decided enough is enough, something I should've done long time ago and I blocked her from all contact and SM, this time for good, having mutual friends in FB didn't help, neither the pictures of the new boyfriend. The year post BU is around the corner, I know I'll get no calls or texts for my birthday either. I truly wish the pain of being disposed of will go away one day. I guess today I truly start NC.

[sorano]

No contact is the way to go. some may not agree. even if its left on good terms, that person will always be there. I don't do well with remaining friends with a woman who I dated / loved. Its either your there or not. Block, ignore, and if you see them in person, I dont acknowledge them. If they say hi to me, its on word answers and say hey, I have to go. Be polite, gentleman or lady like.

[sorano]

I wish I could have lucid dreams, just so that I can experience in my own fantasy the presence and the feel of her love and adoration again. I'm for sure starting to relapse all over again, but I'm not going to allow myself to not be able to control it.

 

I sometimes feel and believe that I'm burdening myself. Some people can instantly find closure and comfort in others, whereas I find the solace in myself. I'm sure months, years from now that hopefully I'll be able to find someone else and start a new journey with them. I'm past flings and short-term relationships, I was a long time ago.

 

Alas, for the meantime the struggle is still persistent and the worry for her increases. But I fully acknowledge and understand I've lost her, in perpetual and everlasting circumstances. That's where my closure lies.

 

darren, the relapse are tough. Its been one year for me and I had a little relapse back in december. My nephews first birthday, we had it at a place on the water. My ex's best friend lived in that area. all I thought about was, wow, she would have loved to be here with me and family. It was a tough pill swallow driving there and having to be there for a party. Just typing this, I feel sadness. I know I lost my girl. she is gone and will never come back.

[Deadmeat]

Been a while since I've been here. I had a weak moment

I hadnt checked her dating profile for so long, I had to see if she was as beautiful as I remembered her to be.

 

...she was. God, she will always be a part of me. I'm not really sure what else there is to do.

[sorano]

ah man you went back and looked........

[Oregon_Dude]

I suppose I'll start posting here for a few days, at least. Hopefully will make and track some progress. The risk in visiting such as LS is that the BU becomes an obsession, more so. Anyway, I intend to use this thread as a (temporary) journal of sorts. I do them as voice recordings on my phone, but hopefully this is more useful, as others can comment, commiserate, etc. You all are a wise bunch.

 

Coping. Ha. I suppose I could be doing worse, but I ain't doing so hot. I have already had sleeping issues for some time now, and the split certainly didn't help things on that front. I guess I'm pretty worried that I'm not moving on. I was seeing/dating/f*cking a girl for four months. She cut it off, we made it work as an FWB situation for another month, then she officially cut it off. She's younger than me but only by six years. Anyway, she said she didn't want to talk until after the holidays, and then maybe not even then.

 

So, I respected her wishes and didn't contact her. On Jan. 2, I unblocked her on FB and sent her a short message saying I hope she had good holidays and that I wad thinking of her. (I know, bad move, but please spare me the lecture - it was the sole contact in six weeks). She didn't respond, which of course hurt me. My rationale was, give it one more shot to have contact, this is someone you care about. She made it clear by her silence that she wasn't interested in communicating.

 

Currently working from home after leaving a dysfunctional job over a month ago. Obviously my mind has time to wander and think of her. Obviously if I had a different job that was social, it wouldn't wander nearly as much. I am in the middle of the perfect storm, literally - I have been snowed in at home, as the weather in the PNW has been particularly atrocious lately. Anyway, home for days on end, not sleeping well - though I am taking major steps to conquer this affliction, have gotten off all meds including OTC, for example - and thinking about this girl.

 

Just last night I purchased "Attached" on audiobook and had the realization that we were never going to work, in this lifetime or the next. I'm affectionate, she's distant. I want a relationship, she wants her freedom and fears suffocation. You get the picture. While this epiphany is helpful, it doesn't change my fatigued and beleaguered mental state.

 

So yeah, I'm a f*cking mess. In desperate need of a haircut Need to get out of the house, but pretty much can't. Everyone on these things says get to the gym. Well, I can't. I do get out for walks.

 

I hate that this thing has emotionally crippled me while she definitely is out f*cking other guys and does not give one f*ck about me. I know that spring is around the corner, literally and figuratively. I also know that nothing and no one is going to get me out of this deep depression and that great inner strength is required to see myself out. Which means incorporating mindfulness and mental shift when thoughts of her bear down on me.. controlling the obsession, which, make no mistake, it completely is.

 

I understand now that I am of the anxious attachment style, and she is of the avoidant, and that I take these things really hard. Which is silly. We dated for four months. But it was very intimate and my emotions were played with, hard. I was on a daily emotional rollercoaster and then set free like a dog in the woods. She has never tried to contact me.

 

I pray to myself for strength, resilience, resolve, acceptance, determination, hope. On days like today, I see absolutely nothing to look forward to. And I know how silly it all is.. these things end. But my physical state makes it much harder to see the forest for the trees.

 

Gnight all, hang in there.

[divegrl]

I should face it, he is NOT coming back, EVER . But that's not easy to convince myself of sometimes. I should obviate all hope inside, even any slight glimmer or wish.

 

Hugs to you.

[divegrl]

Oregon dude- your breakup is spooky similar to mine. Plz keep posting as I find it sadly comforting.