jphcbpa Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 This morning, I deactivated FB and closed down Instagram. Feels really freeing. 4
Saurren Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I feel great and energized, I feel like I want to get on a track and drive a rocket and keep going until I have to stop and eat lol.
AnyaNova Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Bad day today. Have gotten some good work done, but due to a mood crash (as separate from a vitamin related mood crash) I am putting off my errands until after my training session today. I really can't say what is causing this. I know that I'm going to have some not great mood days, even with plenty of B's and I guess I have hit one. Perhaps it is because I suspect that is you looking at my profile. Because I suspect that all you are going to do is look. That even if you wanted to with every fiber of your being, you wouldn't contact me. I don't know what I did wrong. I tried to be a good girlfriend. I was loyal. I just wanted you to be you so much. I gave everything to you that I could in the short amount of time. I know when my mood returns to normal, I will be back to where I am with you. Occasional wistful thoughts, but generally speaking okay with whatever and ready to move on. Right now, I'm missing you though. And you always being so incredibly wonderful and sweet is not making it easy to forget you on days that I feel bad. (Sorry, I think somewhere along the line, I started posting to my ex).
AnyaNova Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Anything I think I miss when I get low like this, anything I think I might love or have loved at some time in the past is only a pale shadow of a ghost of a thing that hasn't existed in months. A state of affairs he is not trying to change. This is what I must remember. This is what I must hold on to.
H245 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Today was a good day so far. I hope to ride this into the sunset 1
johncourtz Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Not so hot today. Since seeing her last week its brung back alot of emotions. I was good for a few days but seems like everyday around this time when im about to go home i get depressed and dread going there because i know no one is waiting for me. Sucks. Good people always get the sh*t end of the stick smh.
True Gent Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Lots of rational thought on my behalf today. I really do think that her leaving is ultimately better for me. However I still wonder how her new boyfriend is shaping up, I still have a longing for her. She's a selfish, disorganised and unstable person. Yet I love her, this isn't rational. So today I'm thinking very rationally about many parts of her, our relationship and breakup. I see that I have a chance of a better future, yet my sentimental side keeps cropping up and I feel love for her. Just so weird feeling this way. There is still anger festering away in me too. No sadness or tears today at all, I doubt that will last. 2
AnyaNova Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Today was a good day so far. I hope to ride this into the sunset You know what? No matter what my stupid mood does, I'm going to turn the rest of this into a good day. I'm going to go to my personal training session, get the notebooks and folders that I need, at least get an onion and some stuff from the store so I can make some taco meat, get some reading and research done for my classes and begin to write up a topic proposal for my Research half project (we don't actually get to do the project, but we have to write up a prospectus, I guess). I will have a good day, regardless. I'm sick of my days being ruled by which vitamin or electrolyte is up or down or not. 1
hopti Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Weird. Was having a nice day and then suddenly I got this uneasy feeling. As if something was wrong. My head hasn't been spinning with thoughts about him, what occasional thought I had about him throughout the day I've managed to stop. Really weird to not find any reason for this uneasiness. Usually I become aware of which train of thoughts lead me to a bad feeling.
Chris715 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Rough day so far today. We share a birthday and today is that day. Trying to stay busy and keep my mind off her but I still find myself looking at my phone, hoping for some message from her. A "happy birthday", a "how are you doing?"... anything. I know it's not going to come though and I'm just dwelling in the past hoping it will. I knew this day was going to be hard for me and I told myself I would be over all of this by this point and in a better spot. Wrong as usual. Just need to get through this day. Last year the holidays were great with her, and now this year the complete silence from her after 5 months NC feels like the final nail in the coffin
Xemyd Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Well that was short lived dating.... This new guy isn't anything like my ex, which sounds great other than the fact we have nothing in common, we go about life completely different. I don't need some guy telling me I'm living my life wrong. F*uck you, at least my ex wasn't a total moron like you, new guy.
erklat Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Struggling these last minutes. It was expected she wouldn't recognize it is my birthday which she most likely knew about as some of her friends sent me their wishes. So after sending her small cute gift (which I shouldn't have), wishing her and her family merry Christmas(which I shouldn't have) , and now this... I know you are completely worthless. I don't have to rejoice on your miserable existence. I have solved singlehandedly all issues that smothered and depressed me, I am on a path to a much better place, with a new job and perspective etc. When I come back... I'll find her at the same place. In a smelly bar. With a cigarette and a glass of vodka in her hand. I know this sounds a bit bitter, but I have to rationalize in this moment. Sorry.
Xemyd Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Struggling these last minutes. It was expected she wouldn't recognize it is my birthday which she most likely knew about as some of her friends sent me their wishes. So after sending her small cute gift (which I shouldn't have), wishing her and her family merry Christmas(which I shouldn't have) , and now this... I know you are completely worthless. I don't have to rejoice on your miserable existence. I have solved singlehandedly all issues that smothered and depressed me, I am on a path to a much better place, with a new job and perspective etc. When I come back... I'll find her at the same place. In a smelly bar. With a cigarette and a glass of vodka in her hand. I know this sounds a bit bitter, but I have to rationalize in this moment. Sorry. No worries, let it all out! It's not a bad thing.
erklat Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I hope I dodged a bullet here sinks in soon. How I managed to see any kind of future with such a woman is beyond me. I guess I was so emotionally distressed last year that any kind of romantical involvement would do the same to me. I think it is enough said when I say even then I would never date a lowlife like her if she was not a school friend of my brother.
erklat Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I will celebrate more a month of no contact which is in two days now than my silver birthday.
DownNtOut Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 C, It was your birthday last week. i wanted to wish you happy birthday. I didnt. 10 weeks NC. Beginning to see you are not perfect. doesnt stop me missing you. but lets see how much i think of you in another 10 weeks NC
AnyaNova Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Ok! I know it is nutritional now. I keep hoping one of these times it will just be me having a bad day. I mean, people have bad days, right? But after my personal training and the shake, I'm having these strange waves of ok mood for a few minutes followed very quickly by crashiness. by ok mood. I suspect there is something in the shake that I need that my body is quickly going through now post workout hence the ups and downs. I suspect the offender may be magnesium (I am getting so sick of this nasty little pantheon of pissy greek-god like substances B vitamins, magnesium, and calcium that determine pretty much my entire day and when they feel like going out of alignment and ruining everything, they just, do. And then when they want to, they smile down upon me etc ad naseum infinite refrain vomitus to the maximus). I am tired of this roller coaster. And can somebody please answer me why my ex keeps featuring into the mood crashes. I mean, let's face it, he's probably off snogging some blonde that's thinner than me, more normal than me, and more traditional looking than me, and younger than me. And wondering what the heck he ever saw in me. I can analyze this stuff intellectually even as I am going through it and I can see how wildly my self-esteem swings. It is not too much when everything is aligned. It is realistic. I know what my limits are, but I know just how much I can accomplish. But then these dang crashes and I start wondering what he saw in me. What anyone would see in me. And I know how wrong that appraisal is. I know it is not reality. I am so tired of this. I need this to be over. Before break I had reached a much more stable place. I want to get back there.
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Today was the first day of classes. So many pretty girls everywhere. I even thought "Wow, oh my God" a few times at some really gorgeous girls. Though at the end of the day, I just want my ex back and desperately miss her. 1
AnyaNova Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Apologies everyone. I know I'm overposting today. Hopefully in a day or two the crash will end completely. I already have more energy and everything. But today I'm just really sad for no particular reason. And tired.
Xemyd Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I think I might text you tonight.... I hate not hearing from you.
AnyaNova Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Arghhh!!! I should have trusted my instincts. Told myself it wasn't b12. Couldn't be. Just had he shot on Tuesday right? But had eliminated pretty much everything else. So I took b12. Feel my head coming back, not as much as I would if I had a shot. But better. So I will supplement until my next shot. And hopefully won't be moping over an ex whose been long gone for months. Who didn't care enough about his own self to safeguard his own wants and needs. And on the upside, unless he broke it off because he found someone else, I've probably had more dates than he has. :-p I know, that's a really mature way to look at it. I guess you take what helps within limits, right?
realfriends Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Just can't seem to "kick her off the pedestal". She WAS a great person. She has so much potential. We HAD so much potential to be great. We lost at the game of love however. Sometimes, I think I will one day be able to truthfully forgive her. I just don't know if I can trust again. If it would be awkward. How I would feel about giving a second chance. Sometimes, I think I shouldn't be on LS and read about any of the success stories. I should go out and face the fact that she's never coming back. Its just hard to eat the truth I guess. :/ 2
AnyaNova Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Just can't seem to "kick her off the pedestal". She WAS a great person. She has so much potential. We HAD so much potential to be great. We lost at the game of love however. Sometimes, I think I will one day be able to truthfully forgive her. I just don't know if I can trust again. If it would be awkward. How I would feel about giving a second chance. Sometimes, I think I shouldn't be on LS and read about any of the success stories. I should go out and face the fact that she's never coming back. Its just hard to eat the truth I guess. :/ Other than a reversal of the genders, I can totally relate. 1
JDPT Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I don't know why I decided to look up my ex's friend online. And throughout the snooping around I found an "updated" picture of the ex. The heart of course started pounding like a wild gorilla but then after 10 second of mayhem it regulated itself. I kept looking at this picture of her and was trying so hard to find the "beauty" in her once again but to my benefit I just couldn't. I eventually stopped looking. I feel ok, I don't feel as if ivee regressed. I guess I finally scratched the itch. I hope to wake up feeling ok tomorrow as I am right this moment. 1
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