How are you coping today?

[Logo]

What a lovely night. I spent Christmas by myself. In fact, as I am writing this, everyone is happy with their loved ones, and I am here alone. The first Christmas without him. Without anyone.

 

What a great great life we live in.

 

 

There's a lot of good movies on TV or a good book, a cup of hot cocoa, some blankets.

 

Just saying.

[sorano]

What a lovely night. I spent Christmas by myself. In fact, as I am writing this, everyone is happy with their loved ones, and I am here alone. The first Christmas without him. Without anyone.

 

What a great great life we live in.

 

If my gym was open tonight, I would have gone to the gym at around 730pm and stay until 10pm. come home, have my post workout meal, watch tv and fall asleep on the couch.

 

For new years, I got a bottle of zzquil. 930ish 10, ill take one serving and hopefully it will put me to sleep and wake up the next morning. Not in the mood to watch the ball drop or be part of new years.

[Logo]

Not in the mood to watch the ball drop or be part of new years.

 

 

I was thinking of doing the same thing. But, I keep thinking about all the crummy things she did, and I keep telling myself "That ***** isn't worth another wasted moment of sadness from me".

 

She could very well be having a great time.

 

So eff her. I'm going out and I'm going to make the best of it. Whatever comes my way will be good enough.

[Deadmeat]

I will love again. Even better than what I felt with my last relationship. I don't care if it takes me months, years or this life time. I WILL find it.

 

Have a great Xmas and New Years everyone! Bring on 2017.

[Logo]

Now, I'm more cautious. More cynical. Less aggressive and more passive. I lost something when I lost my ex.

 

I'm not saying I don't enjoy her company. She's great. It has all the attributes of an amazing relationship. But the magic that I first felt with my ex. Like the one I felt during my younger every Xmas, it's all gone now.

 

I have resolved to forge forward, stay strong and build on the mistakes I made in my last relationship, like the red flags I ignored because I was infatuated, the little things I let her get away with, the little insignificant lies that I chalked up to coincidence. But they are an indication of a person's character. Patterns.

 

Stay positive, find the magic, have fun, go out, goof around, but keep one ear to the ground. Be assertive when needed, be firm, be polite, stand your ground, but be kind and flexible. And above all, know when to end things. If it's time to leave and move on, then do it. Don't hesitate.

 

That's my resolution for 2017, among others.

Edited December 25, 2016 by Logo

[PLT]

Posting here so I don't email her. Yesterday and today have been really hard. I suspect tomorrow will be too. Kids have gone home so I'm back with just me and my thoughts.

 

I remember the last time I saw her, in August, like it was yesterday. Everything was fine. Well, as fine as it had been for a while. Then bang. She completely cuts me out of her life, and we never speak again. Or rather, she never speaks to me again other than to threaten with calling the police if I contacted her. I've emailed a few times since then, but predictably nothing. I still struggle daily that on a Saturday in August we spent time together, and seemed to be starting to get along again after a difficult (thats putting it mildly really) period. By Thursday the following week, for no reason whatsoever that I can see, I'm the worlds worst person who isn't even worth being civil too.

 

The only thing that would make sense is that I was dumped for someone else and she didn't have the morals, courage, or decency to tell me that. If that's the case then I think I know who it is, and if that's the case, its only a matter of time. He is a serial adulterer. He is also a child abandoner. Dumped for a serial cheater and absent father. How ****ing **** is that? I hope they have a thoroughly ****ing miserable Christmas together.

 

On a positive front I'm off to an invite only do at a pub for New Years Eve with some great friends.

[Wuku]

Just had my daughter round, which has cheered me up no end! Im on my own today, and was feeling a bit sorry for myself, missing the ex, blah blah blah. I don't usually see my daughter on Christmas Day, just Boxing Day, but now she's driving she can do what she likes, not what her mother tells her! Just me again now, but have a busy day tomorrow with family. Trying not to think of my ex to much, I'm sure she's having a great Christmas without me. I hope everyone has the best Christmas possible, I know it's not easy this time of year. Time for a drink!

[Logo]

I was in love with a fictional character. I was in love with someone who was never real, someone who never really existed. I was in love with an imaginary person. Maybe at first, but then she changed.

 

We had amazing moments, but as the saying goes, all's well that ends well. This ending was no Hollywood ending. It was a betrayal, a dagger in my heart.

 

Why do I miss her? I miss the experiences like one misses a great vacation, and then he's back to reality. I do miss our inside jokes, our shared moments of happiness.

 

But, it's all over now. It's in the past. I need to find my way. I need to forget about women for a while. Forget about relationships. Focus on other things. I'm afraid of becoming mean, cold and grumpy as a result.

 

I feel hollow, numb, a hamster on a wheel, running in circles for no purpose, no end in sight, round and round it goes.

 

I'm going to work outside to see if I can change my mood a little. Get something done and feel good about myself.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I didn't think today would be so hard. I was alright yesterday! But as soon as I woke up this morning all I thought about was contacting my ex. I asked one of our mutual friends to tell my ex next time he talked to him that I said Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year because I had deleted his number weeks ago. He said he'd prefer if I told him myself and that he didn't want to get involved in anything. It made me start to wonder what he meant. What did he know that would make him think that this would cause problems? I put myself into an anxiety attack thinking about things like this. In the end, I just have to accept that it doesn't matter and it wasn't fair of me to ask that of him. Still, it hurt. I don't even know why I'm having such a hard time getting over this desire to reach out to someone who clearly didn't, and doesn't, want me. Validation? Most likely. I know that I'll never get it from him so I'll have to do it myself. But damn is it hard right now! I'm lonely and I miss him and so far, this has been my worst Christmas to date. I don't have much hope for the New Year...

[MrPlop]

Changed in what way?

 

 

I don't think I'll ever feel love as deep as I did. I no longer care for people as deep as I did either.

[HorseLuck]

I was very grateful (and lucky) to have the option of spending Eve and Xmas day with a friend's family since my own doesn't celebrate. Was unsure about it but very glad I ended up going. It was a good distraction, especially since the ex ended up texting and attempting to call. Didn't mention the reasoning through text, nor did he wish me a Merry Christmas so I considered it pointless, and ignored. I wish I could get an apology through text, but all he writes is my name..i don't get it. My friend's ex also contacted her- so we helped one another through humor. Very proud of her for not breaking silence. Stayed up late, watched a movie, made some cookies and ate lots of delicious food. Now I have to burn it off. Lol

[Logo]

I don't think I'll ever feel love as deep as I did. I no longer care for people as deep as I did either.

 

 

Not even with a little bit of time, distance and with the right person maybe?

[StrangerThanFiction]

Well, I did what I said I wouldn't do. I messaged my ex. All it was was just a Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year sort of thing. I'd been fighting the urge all day and I finally lost the battle to it. I honestly didn't expect him to respond at all but he did. We chatted a bit and asked after each other's families and joked around. He sent me a picture of himself for some reason as well. He's looking good. That sucked, but then I remembered that I'm looking good too. Eventually the conversation just petered out and I let it.

 

I'm trying to decide how I feel about it all right now and if I made a huge mistake. On the one hand, I'm glad, because now if he does come back to work for my company he knows we're cool and it will hopefully be less awkward if we have to work together. But on the other hand, it brought everything back and set my healing progress back. I miss him more than ever right now and it hurts more than ever that he doesn't feel the same.

 

So yeah, my progress was set back healing-wise, but it had been really weighing on my mind him coming back and it being bad between us so in that respect I'm glad I reached out. So, it's back to Day 1 of NC. I can only hope that by the time he comes back in a few months I'll be if not well and truly over him, only suffering some small lingering pangs. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to go grab a beer as just friends at some point. Hopefully I'll progress enough that I won't care either way.

[PLT]

Feeling better again today. I'm trying to forget that it is Boxing Day, and just treating it like a normal Monday. Get my head down, do some studying.

 

I decided to email her. I decided to give one last shot at breaking down that wall. I started writing in MS Word and then would copy / paste it onto an email. 2600 words and a few hours later, I was done. I had written it all down. I didn't send it, and this morning I don't feel the need to send it. I'm back to the mindset of she has done me a favour by not contacting me. It was an unhealthy relationship. Why would I want to go through all that again now that my life is calmer and I'm not walking on eggshells (more like landmines to be fair!) all the time.

 

I just have to keep ignoring that little voice that says It was all my fault, that she will treat the current or next one much better than she treated me. She won't. She'll do exactly the same thing. Because to her love means control, and anger shows that you love someone. I don't think she will ever change. She doesn't even recognise that she did anything wrong.

 

I'm pretty proud of myself for not sending the letter. In the past I have always gone through with hitting "send". Always. Maybe this is a strategy I will use in the future too. Write it all out, but in MS Word, not in an email so that it takes more than to just hit send at the end of it, then sleep on it. If I still feel strongly like I want to send it the next day, well I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

[TheLoveBelow92]

Crazy the way its almost been 18 months and not much has changed, I went into the breakup not knowing what to expect although from the beginning I knew it would be hard, I hated the way I think of you all this time. I hate the way my life fell apart and lost all my friends while you seemingly didnt bat an eye and jumped from relationship to relationship while I still cant face dating although i have and tried,

 

I missed how I felt and what I had and how little you thought of me in the end when I based everything around you when I should of known, I hate having to go to bed knowing that the next day I have to battle through another day, You told me so long ago to let go and move on and I wish I knew how, But Really I wish How you treated me so badly and if you even cared at all

 

I learned some people feel like this forever and not everyone gets there fairy tale ending where everything works out ok in the end because thats not how life works, I hate the way I was so unprepared and that I still shudder when I hear your name

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today was another rough one but I did manage to get out of the house for a bit and that made me feel better for a little bit. When I got home it kind've all came back though. I still don't see me reaching out to him on Christmas as a mistake as its put to rest my worries about potential negativity at work if he comes back, but I acknowledge that it has set my healing back. I'm going to stick to NC from now on as I believe it's the only way for me to heal and there is no longer a good enough reason to reach out. As pleasant of a chat as we had, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want me. That's what I have to remember every time that little bit of leftover hope flares up. There is no hope. It's over. The end. As much as it hurts thinking about that right now, I know one day it will be nothing more than a fact. I just wish that day would hurry up. I hate waking up every morning and feeling alright and then everything crashing back down on me all at once. It's overwhelming sometimes.

[Logo]

Lately I have been struggling with the thought of my ex rolling in bed with that lowlife.

 

We had great sex, but the indifference she showed after she cheated really hurt. Thoughts of them having sex together (Was she on top? Was he on top?) keep recurring in my head. And it's been getting worse and worse since last week.

 

I can't bear the thought of it. I don't see myself ever forgiving her. I can't. It won't happen.

 

She would have to stand in front of me, face to face, and acknowledge in no uncertain terms with a heartfelt apology that she truly and genuinely regrets the immensity of her actions.

 

But she'll never do that. I don't trust her anyway. So there will never be forgiving that. How do you forgive something like that?

[StrangerThanFiction]

Yesterday was a really bad one but today is a little better. I've decided to stop drinking completely. At least for awhile. I had cut down significantly before this but I've realized that how terrible the hangovers make me feel the next day just isn't worth a night of numbness. I have to get through this with a clear head.

 

I've also realized that the relationship I thought had a real future was nothing more than a summer fling, at least to him. I knew that he was leaving for the winter going in but I thought we could do it. I've done LDR's before. But lo and behold, a month or so after he left he lost interest so the RS was obviously one sided. I need to stop checking his FB as well. Yes, I unfriended him but his FB is still relatively open. I checked yesterday in a weak moment and saw he had added 3 new women as friends and the rush of jealousy and pain was overwhelming. I think I need to take a hiatus from FB for awhile. I don't need to see that he's living it up with other women while I'm still having such a hard time. I've got to be strong and stay off it, even if the urge becomes almost undeniable. The only way I can move on is if I distance myself from everything to do with him.

 

It still makes things hard knowing that I might have to work with him in the spring. The thought actually terrifies me. I'm scared that when or if I see him again it will ruin any healing I've managed to do. I've considered moving jobs but I've put almost 10 years in at this company and moved up through the ranks and everyone tells me I shouldn't throw that away over some man who didn't care about me. I agree, but I'm afraid. A part of me hopes that he'll see me and want me again, but that's just the sad lonely part and I have hope that one day it will go away. It's not healthy and it's hindering my progress.

 

God, I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I've made any progress at all and it's been almost a month since the BU. I'll have okay days but they seem to be few and far between. I guess at least it's better than none at all. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to get over him within the next four months and it makes me feel worse when I don't feel I'm making any progress. I can't heal on a timeline, especially if it has to do with him. I have to focus on me. I'm going to join a gym in the New Year and go to therapy because I think I need the help. Wish me luck.

[sorano]

Your still looking at his Facebook page. That will set you back even more.

 

Also, I don't care what anyone says on here, one month? Is nothing. You won't see any progress. This takes time and time and strength. There is no instant gratification here. You have to let your body feel every emotion and not block anything. It has to all come out but at the same time you need to be strong and have patience. Easier said than done but at this stage, us, who got dumped, we can't do anything about it. It's over and done with. We have to accept that we were not chosen. That is a tough pill to swallow. Not being chosen. With anything in life. Just have to wait it out, block the person, no contact and start living the single life again.

[sorano]

The gym itself is therapy. Trust me. It saved my life more than once. And others. Join and go all the time. Start getting in that life style. Eating more smaller meals, healthier meals and really focus on getting in shape or in better shape than you are now. You will be amazed how the gym and its life style will change you. You will be a different person. It's scary. I can't describe it 100% on how it will change you or make you feel. You just have try it and see for yourself. You will feel powerful. That life style will change you and you will be amazed

[Logo]

Im on the brink. I feel like I felt a couple of weeks post breakup. I'm negotiating again. 'If I did this, she wouldn't have done that, and we wouldn't be feeling like this toward each other'.

 

I'm recycling the same thoughts I had in the first few weeks after the breakup. Lately I've been trying to make sense of why she chose to cheat, despite having found closure and moved on just three weeks ago, or so I thought.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Your still looking at his Facebook page. That will set you back even more.

 

Also, I don't care what anyone says on here, one month? Is nothing. You won't see any progress. This takes time and time and strength. There is no instant gratification here. You have to let your body feel every emotion and not block anything. It has to all come out but at the same time you need to be strong and have patience. Easier said than done but at this stage, us, who got dumped, we can't do anything about it. It's over and done with. We have to accept that we were not chosen. That is a tough pill to swallow. Not being chosen. With anything in life. Just have to wait it out, block the person, no contact and start living the single life again.

 

You're right on all counts, sorano. I think I became a little addicted to the pain of seeing him add all these other women. Weirdly masochostic, I know.

 

The reason I feel that I should've made more progress in just a month is that I was comparing it to the break up of my 7 year relationship prior to this, where the majority of the pain stopped within the first week. I see now that I can't do that because the 2 are entirely different. I had been detaching from my last ex months before the actual break up. Add to that that I knew there was no future for us. This one I was still in love with at the time of the break up and had definitely seen a future with, making it that much harder. Also the fact that, as you said, I was again not chosen. Seems to be the pattern for most if not all my past relationships. I aim to find out why. And I also would like to start dating again at some point, but I know for right now I'm not quite there yet.

 

The gym itself is therapy. Trust me. It saved my life more than once. And others. Join and go all the time. Start getting in that life style. Eating more smaller meals, healthier meals and really focus on getting in shape or in better shape than you are now. You will be amazed how the gym and its life style will change you. You will be a different person. It's scary. I can't describe it 100% on how it will change you or make you feel. You just have try it and see for yourself. You will feel powerful. That life style will change you and you will be amazed

 

I plan on doing just that. I started on a keto diet a month or so ago and just doing that has wrought quite a few changes in myself already. I have more energy, my skin looks amazing, my hair is shinier than it's ever been, and my appetite is much less than it was so I eat far less than I used to. I'm also down 15lbs from where I was and I can see the changes. Had to punch 2 extra holes in my belt because it was too loose the other day. I think going to the gym combined with this healthier diet will do nothing but good for my body and it would get me out of the house and focussing on something more important than a guy who didn't want me.

 

And hell, as an added bonus, if I ever do see him again he'll see me looking and feeling fantastic. But I'm not doing this for him, this is for me. I want a sense of control back in my life and I think this would be a good way to do it. Thank you for your advice. I will definitely take it to heart.

[PLT]

I want to get out of this cycle. I think I'm doing ok, never great, but ok. Then I hear a song on the radio, or see something on a TV programme or some other trivial thing that reminds me of her and then it starts. I feel sad, regretful, and in mourning. Then slowly the anger at how she treated me replaces it, and I spend a day or two flitting between depression and anger. Then I have an ok few days, until the next reminder.

 

I see now that it was a game from the start for her. She flitted in and out of my life for almost 3 years while we were friends, before we got together. I see now that one thing she was never, is consistent. This is true for all aspects of the relationship, now that I can look back with a somewhat clearer view on it. For a long time I had this deep, gut instinct that she was one of these people that are always on the lookout for the next shiny toy. Never satisfied. Well I outlasted most of the other toys, so that's something I suppose.

 

No one will ever be enough for her. She is too long in the tooth, and too unaware of how she treats people to change. I gave that relationship absolutely everything. For all of 2016 I sacrificed my pride, dignity, and self respect to be with her, letting her be a bitch from hell towards me, and it still wasn't enough. My sister was right a year ago when she said "She will never be happy. Once you finally move on and become happy again, she will still be the manipulative, controlling, twisted, bitter and angry person she is now."

 

I feel bad for wanting karma to **** her life up. That's not really me. I don't hold grudges, but this is not situation. None of my exes treated me this badly before.

 

This line from an Oasis song keeps going round my head as it rings very true.

 

"I can't tell you the way I feel, because the way I feel is so new to me"

[Wuku]

It's time I left her behind, it's not something I want to do, but I have no other choice. Pining for something I can't have isn't going to get me it, but it is keeping me sad and unhappy. It's a new year, and it's been just over a year since we split. I've spent enough time feeling down and crestfallen, and the new year is a good place to move on from the pain. She didn't love me as much as she said, we weren't as special a couple as I believed, if we were and if love conquered all, we would still be together. And while there will probably always be a special place in my heart for her, she is now just another ex. She is gone, it is over, life moves on regardless. She is not wasting her time feeling or thinking about me, or going through the heartbreak I have been through this last year. She does not care about me, or how I feel. There is no special bond between us anymore. She is the past, and while that's sad, I have never been one to live in the past. I need to let myself go, I need to be ok on my own and start to try and enjoy life again. The new year will be a fresh start, I refuse to continue to let myself feel unhappy and sad. I must move on with my life.

[DarrenB]

The end of this year is near.

 

Let the grief, sadness, hardships and other various struggles and predicaments subside and relinquish.

 

You may have lost love this year, but you will regain another in time. You may have faced some personal problems which have affected you this year, but you will subdue and arise from them.

 

Be humble, seek peace and friendship. You have a lot to offer to this world of obscurity and your existence is meaningful, therefore persist in being yourself and become your own successor.

 

Happy New Year