How are you coping today?

[StrangerThanFiction]

Well, I just checked and today it's been 2 weeks and a day since we broke up. Strangely, I was surprised. It feels like so much longer. I'm sad today and miss him. Going to our mutual friend's place yesterday was a mistake. There were so many memories of him there. I asked my friend if she and her boyfriend had known that he had cheated on me and she said that when I first told her she didn't believe me. She said she just couldn't believe that he did it. That hurt and it started all the what-ifs running through my head again. It made me wonder and cracked that door open to my feelings for him that I had slammed shut after I had found out. One step forward and two steps back.

 

After I left their place with my emotions in turmoil I ended up going over to this guy's place that a good friend of mine had introduced me to a few days ago. She had told me that we had a lot in common and that he was an incredibly good and caring man who has been through the ringer in relationships as well and was a great listener and she thought that we would get along very well. She was 100% correct on all counts. I was really upset when I got there and he let me just spill my guts and all the pain I was feeling over my ex and then he told me some of his experiences and things he had learned from them. It was amazing how much perspective and insight he gave me and how he helped me to look at certain things in a different light.

 

This from a man who had been a stranger only a few days ago. We talked until almost 6 in the morning about anything and everything and had a lot of laughs and talked about things I've never been able to talk about with any other man without feeling like they would judge me or use it as a way to manipulate me. I've never experienced that sort of honesty and ease before. There is an attraction on both sides but I was honest with him that I'm not ready for anything more than friendship or any sort of physicality right now and he told me that he's not ready to date again yet either after the ending of his most recent relationship a few months ago but that I am exactly the type of woman he is looking for when he is. He told me that he thinks I am absolutely beautiful, funny, smart, strong, and that my body is perfect. After being left for and cheated on with someone thinner and then left for someone who was also thinner, it really helped ease my self esteem. I'm not fat by any means, but I'm stocky due to how much I worked out when I was younger. I still have the muscles, but I could stand to lose a few pounds still. I've been eating healthier and working out and have started to see results, so that's been helping my self image as well.

 

This man is kind, generous, knowledgeable, emotionally stable, level-headed, loyal, honest, open about his feelings and insecurities, responsible, hardworking, and patient. All things that I've always wanted and needed in a partner. I need to be with someone who's the counterbalance to my occasional moodiness, mercurialness, and emotionally high strung and anxious nature. I need someone who can anchor me and keep me grounded. My ex was his polar opposite in almost every way and he was not a good man and was very manipulative, but here I am, still in love with him. I feel sad that I'm still so in love with someone like that but I hope that one day I can let go of those feelings and maybe try again with this new man. It's going to be sometime before I'm ready, but now I have hope that there are good men out there that are attracted to me.

[LuvMyDogMore]

Only a week since I last had [miserable, foul] contact with him?? He has tried to engage me and I ignored it. The last thing I need to see is another picture of the girl he's dating (which he sends me because he's swell like that). I am sure sure SURE no contact is the key to success, I simply need to adhere to it.

 

I myself cry either every day or every OTHER day -- sometimes I get a break. I think about all the good things I no longer have, sometimes I cry because I DO have good things in my life (what is that, guilt?), I cry at the loss of him, I cry at the horror of what he is/was capable of doing to me.

 

Today was today, tomorrow will be even better.

[picnicinthepark]

The last time I saw her was over 2 months ago -- we have not had contact since. I've been seeing a therapist and learning about healthy relationships and behaviours. Work has been busy but rewarding. I'm planning on moving back to the city in the new year for a fresh start.

 

I'd be lying if I said I was happy. I find myself thinking about what could have been. This is not constructive and I am fully aware. I know it will only be easier from here. I've been keeping strict NC which is helping. I've also started exercising regularly and I'm noticing positive results.

 

I had a strong urge to search her on fb (I unfriended her after the breakup) but instead I'm on here venting. I know I'm making progress and good things are coming.

[Logo]

Memories haunt me. Good memories. I feel the pain billowing from the depths of my heart, reminding me of the good times we had. Scenes, moments, a sentence here, a laugh there, a look, a smile, a tender touch of the cheek. God how I miss what you once were. But then you either changed or you revealed your true self.

 

Sadness inside me leaves me cynical and jaded. If I were in the same room with you now, I wouldn't be able to look at you or talk to you. I'd have to avoid you.

 

The only woman that will make it past the protective wall I've built around me will have to have an iron will and determination, and a love so strong and powerful.

 

You've made me cynical. I loved love, I loved loving you. I felt younger, I felt alive. I was romantic and cheerful and every little activity, no matter how mundane was exciting and inspiring.

 

Were you always the way you were on the last day? Or was it just the result of months of pretending? You just didn't care. Did you? You showed me what selfishness looks like, you epitomized it. You gave it a face and a voice.

 

The next person I'm with is going to have to work to earn my trust and respect. I will not offer them easily, in good faith.

 

I have learned a valuable lesson.

[Logo]

Only a week since I last had [miserable, foul] contact with him?? He has tried to engage me and I ignored it. The last thing I need to see is another picture of the girl he's dating (which he sends me because he's swell like that). I am sure sure SURE no contact is the key to success, I simply need to adhere to it.

 

I myself cry either every day or every OTHER day -- sometimes I get a break. I think about all the good things I no longer have, sometimes I cry because I DO have good things in my life (what is that, guilt?), I cry at the loss of him, I cry at the horror of what he is/was capable of doing to me.

 

Today was today, tomorrow will be even better.

 

I was in bed most of the day the day after. I cried and kept recycling words said in my head, trying to make sense of it all. That lasted about 3-4 weeks. it was a roller coaster of emotions. Break ups are tough, more so when the person you thought you knew stabs you in the heart and back. Then it's betrayal and shock all in one.

[Wuku]

It is a year today since we split up. I still have difficulty believing it sometimes, we were so close once that I never thought we would part, it just didn't seem possible. And now, I haven't heard her voice or seen her face for the whole year. What hurts is how quickly she cut me from her life, and that she made no attempt to see how I was. I thought we had more than that.

 

It has been a year of ups and downs, but mostly the latter unfortunately. Sometimes, when I feel I'm doing fine, it suddenly hits me how much I love and miss her. Whichever way I look at it, I've lost a best friend and love of my life. And along with the loss of the relationship, is how much of my future I've lost and had changed to.

 

Part of me is scared to heal, I feel that moving on means leaving her behind, and that doesn't feel right. Completely letting go of that last little bit of her essence that I hold in my heart is a difficult, scary and painful move and makes me feel very sad. It feels like I'm letting down the memory of something once so important, and saying that it's OK to do so, when I don't feel that it is. I find there's still some comfort, a familiarity and safety in still feeling for her.

 

I still feel guilty for the things I did wrong, I still feel I need to redeem myself in her eyes. But, friends and family have pointed out things she did wrong too, even though she tried to blame me 100%, and that has at least helped me topple her from the pedestal which I had her on.

 

I still don't feel like I want anyone else, and I can see me staying single for quite some time, if I even ever have another relationship. She has a permanent place in my heart, and I don't expect that to change. I know time will erode my feelings, both good and bad, and I will be ok and able to function as I did before I met her eventually. But I think I will always miss her. It's hard, still thinking about her daily (though not constantly anymore), when she has very likely forgotten about me. I feel she checked out of the relationship long before we split up, so for her it was the right thing to do, and she was already over it.

 

Having said all that, I am looking forward to the future. I want to heal, I don't want to feel like this forever, and I feel that I am getting further down the road of recovery as each day passes. I know that holding on to that last little bit is holding me back from healing, I know I have to completely let go, and I will. It is the last stage in healing and learning to be ok with myself. It's a new year coming up, and it's time to move on!

 

Christmas will still suck this year, but not as much as last year.

[Kayley]

We were at a work charity thing last night and on the way home I was chatting to one of the girls. Supposedly one of the guys we work with had said to her earlier that night that I've 'got my mojo back' & she agreed and said it was good to see. She said I've been really good this last week or so.

 

It was good to hear. I'm not okay, not sure I will be for a long time but I'm definitely feeling better & I'm glad people see it

[HorseLuck]

QFeeling decent, but still lacking motivation.

 

Went iceskating yesterday. Managed to not fall. It helped seeing attractive men and realizing my ovaries still very much function. Christmas is coming up and I'm glad I have the option to spend it with a friend and her family. I snowballed and imagined him drunk on eggnog, flirting with another female- telling her how his last girlfriend "left". I quickly swerved to an image of him blowing his brains out under a Christmas tree. Yes, violent wishful thinking helps me cope.

 

He reached out the day before, attempting to call from his number, a random number, and text. I laughed at the random number from his state- as I imagined him and his idiot friends trying to put their heads together to find a way to break through my force field.

 

Bought tickets for a pricey New Years party for the first time ever. Usually just try to wing it with friends. Looking forward to dressing up in the ball gown I bought to go to his military ball. Time to make a new memory.

Edited December 22, 2016 by HorseLuck

[sorano]

Dear BEAST,

 

I hope you enjoy your christmas and new years. Maybe next year you won't destroy another heart. Take it easy on the men. To the next guy in line, good luck. You have no idea what you are going to get yourself into.

 

ps.... Go to church, bring the rosary beads, and pray.......You need it.

[Logo]

Everyone was cheery and joyous at work. I couldn't bring myself to put on a fake smile. I wanted to slink away and leave to go home. Every sentence I needed to utter felt like an effort. I felt like I had to muster all the energy within me, from the depths of my soul, to put on a smile and seem at the very least courteous enough to reciprocate the well wishes.

 

I wanted to escape.

 

We met a few days before Christmas last year. And it's bringing back memories. I feel like calling her and asking her out on a date as a cynical joke. Ha.

 

I want to date because I want a relationship, but I don't have the emotional energy for it.

 

I feel hollow with no emotions. It's hard for me to even get excited during a date and flirt with my date. It's as though I'm just looking to date for the confidence boost. But, I'm not ready to date to invest in a relationship. I feel tired, worn out, emotionally exhausted.

 

Perhaps I'll resolve to start afresh in 2017 and that will give me the psychological boost I need.

 

I miss looking into her eyes and seeing our future in them. I miss what she was. I wonder if I pushed her too much. Is it possible that it was all me? Am I to blame?

 

Why am I regressing? Most people around me are celebrating and happy and I feel down.

 

We'll never be together again. This is the finality. This is the end. I feel like I'm re-grieving the relationship today.

 

I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive her. I might forget her, before I forgive her.

 

The Doors: "I'll never look into your eyes, again"

........

"It hurts to set you free"

[PLT]

Pretty brutal today. I've been doing ok for the past week or so, up and down, but today I've not been able to push the Xmas thoughts away, and what we would be doing.

The thought of her spending it with another bloke (I have no idea if shes single or with someone knew. I don't really want to know either) is really not nice at all.

I'll be glad when it's over for another year to be honest.

[Logo]

I am going through the grieving process all over again. Just when I felt and thought I was over her, I feel a 2 month setback in the process.

 

Why?

 

I'm ruminating again. "If I only did this or that,would things have turned out differently?"

 

We were going to grow old together. I wonder if she meant any of it.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I've caught myself thinking about reasons and ways to contact him. I keep thinking I should send him a Christmas or New Year's message. That lonely part of me wants to reconnect. I have to force myself to think of the reality of what will happen instead of what my heart wants. The most likely outcome of me reaching out to him would be that he would ignore me. Or, he would send back some canned, unfeeling, generic message. Or, he would tell me to eff off. There really is no positive outcome to reaching out, I know this, but it's still this burning desire in me. I'll just have to keep fighting the urge until it goes away.

 

I just miss him so much. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I miss lying in bed with him with his arms around me. I miss the way he used to look at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I miss his voice. I miss the sex. I even miss the things that used to drive me crazy. I hope this doesn't last forever and it will eventually go away.

[PLT]

I've caught myself thinking about reasons and ways to contact him. I keep thinking I should send him a Christmas or New Year's message. That lonely part of me wants to reconnect. I have to force myself to think of the reality of what will happen instead of what my heart wants. The most likely outcome of me reaching out to him would be that he would ignore me. Or, he would send back some canned, unfeeling, generic message. Or, he would tell me to eff off. There really is no positive outcome to reaching out, I know this, but it's still this burning desire in me. I'll just have to keep fighting the urge until it goes away.

 

I just miss him so much. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I miss lying in bed with him with his arms around me. I miss the way he used to look at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I miss his voice. I miss the sex. I even miss the things that used to drive me crazy. I hope this doesn't last forever and it will eventually go away.

 

Right there with you. The urge to attempt contact, again, is overwhelming. But like you say, the outcome would be to be ignored, again. I'm not making that same mistake yet again. It'd pretty much put paid to any happiness over Xmas and I have my children to think of.

 

I used to look at my ex like that. I wish she would miss it like you do from your ex.

[sorano]

I am going through the grieving process all over again. Just when I felt and thought I was over her, I feel a 2 month setback in the process.

 

Why?

 

I'm ruminating again. "If I only did this or that,would things have turned out differently?"

 

We were going to grow old together. I wonder if she meant any of it.

 

It happens. It happens to all of us. I also wondered if my ex meant all the stuff she said. People told me, well, she meant it at that time. Me, I was raised different. If I say something? I mean it and stick with it. No guessing, no bs, no games. Im a straight shooter. If she did mean the things she said, that person will still be by your side no matter what. I look at things different. My ex never meant anything she said and looking back, I never felt those feelings from her. All bs.

[DarrenB]

4, 5 months ago I signed to this forum looking for guidance. 4, 5 months ago I was absolutely dreading the Christmas period and the New Years, considering I knew how different the previous years would be to this. As cowardly as I was then, I just wanted to die on the New Years night, because I knew I would have struggled too much, way beyond the point of coping. I felt so stupid and lost.

 

Now, I'm not at all worried about my feelings towards the girl I loved. I'm not grieving, nor is she the reason for the sadness of which I bestowed upon myself. The pain has subsided strangely enough, and I feel happy. I'm not worried about what she is doing at this time, why should I? Why should I think about someone who hasn't spared 1 single thought about me since. And the same goes for all of you, you shouldn't bare thoughts for those who are no longer in your life. As hard as it may be, there is a way forward to overcome the obstacles, overcome the pain the suffering.

 

For those of you who are currently in a rough state of mind - emotionally or mentally. I feel your pain, I understand you. You will survive and you will thrive within your life and restore your self-preservation and fulfillment. I wish you the best Christmas. Although you are lonely or feel lonely, you can escape that. There is someone waiting out there for all of you.

 

For those of you who are happy with your significant others, or families. Great. I wish you the best Christmas filled with happiness, joy and love.

 

Godspeed.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Right there with you. The urge to attempt contact, again, is overwhelming. But like you say, the outcome would be to be ignored, again. I'm not making that same mistake yet again. It'd pretty much put paid to any happiness over Xmas and I have my children to think of.

 

I used to look at my ex like that. I wish she would miss it like you do from your ex.

 

I made the mistake of texting my ex once a few days after the break up when I was shamefully drunk. He never responded and it tore me up. Still does, a little bit. Especially because it was he who wanted to still remain friends. Now every time I get the overwhelming urge to reach out I remember how I felt when he ignored me. That pain and sense of feeling like I'm nothing is not something I ever want to feel again. But damn, sometimes it's so hard.

 

I'm glad that you see that reaching out wouldn't end well. At least you have your kids to think of during the holidays! I know it doesn't take away the heartache, but it helps to ease it a bit. And hey, if you ever feel the unshakeable desire to reach out to your ex, feel free to message me instead because I'm in the exact same boat

 

And I bet that on some level she does miss it, it's not very often that you meet someone who looks at you like that.

[Nowty V]

When does it end?

 

When will I cease to be aware of them?

 

When do the painful realisations stop coming?

 

When will I be free from inertia and able to proceed?

 

When will I let go of what obviously couldn't be?

 

When will I accept how deluded I was?

 

When will I stop being motivated by my prejudiced hopes for a person and see the person as they actually are, and make decisions based in reality?

 

When will I let it go and move on?

[Cora]

I hardly ever think about him much anymore. I do sometimes wonder if I'll ever hear from him again...even if only to say sorry for leaving me in such a ****ty way with no goodbye. But it's been almost two years since he left and not a word from him so why should I expect him to just pop up out of the blue now? It's that time of year again. We shared our very first kiss on New Year's Eve. I thought it was special....thought he truly cared about me, but perhaps it was just me being naive. It's silly, but I have this journal on my computer that I updated regularly.....writing about every date we ever went on...capturing every single detail. I can't bring myself to read it now...can't even update it and write about the ending. It's almost like if I don't write about it then it didn't happen. But it did happen. I guess he's spending another Christmas with his new love. I sometimes wonder how their relationship is? How similar or different it is to what we used to have? I also wonder what she has that I don't? Why he can stick with her, but couldn't bear to stay with me for another second? Couldn't even look me in the eye and tell me goodbye. Sigh....but most of the time I don't think about him much anymore and I guess that's a good thing. The holidays are still rough though. Maybe they always will be? Time does heal though and I'm a better person for experiencing this whole thing no matter how painful it was.

[Wuku]

It's amazing how little stupid things set you off. Just been watching a Christmas Carol, and there is a line in it I'd forgotten about that she used to say with great dramatics, and it's cut like a knife, bringing everything back. Damn, I miss her.

[Deadmeat]

The year after I found out Santa wasn't real. That's how it feels like.

 

I loved Xmas as a child. I didn't have a big family and we weren't well off. So xmas was special cause that meant Santa was going to drop by and drop off presents. I remember going to the mall and seeing Santa multiple times. My parents would tell me that that was his magic. He was able to get anywhere fast to drop off the presents.

 

When I was about 8 years old, my dad dropped the ball and let me know Santa wasn't real. It was my parents all along and that I had to learn that one day. And just like that, the magic was gone.

 

That's how it feels like now. I've met some one else. Some one who absolutely adores me. Treats me well. Loves to see me. But I know I will never fully let myself dive in this fully like I did with my ex. I believed in something then. Some thing magical. Now, I'm more cautious. More cynical. Less aggressive and more passive. I lost something when I lost my ex.

 

I'm not saying I don't enjoy her company. She's great. It has all the attributes of an amazing relationship. But the magic that I first felt with my ex. Like the one I felt during my younger every Xmas, it's all gone now.

[Logo]

I want this year to be over already. I want this weekend to be over.

 

I want to go back to work. I can't wait to 2017. I can't wait to 2018. I want to forget. I want this to be a distant, far away memory. So faded, so blurry.

 

I'm tired of feeling this internal pain as though every cell in my body wants to shed a tear and my entire body is surging in pain.

[MrPlop]

The year after I found out Santa wasn't real. That's how it feels like.

 

I loved Xmas as a child. I didn't have a big family and we weren't well off. So xmas was special cause that meant Santa was going to drop by and drop off presents. I remember going to the mall and seeing Santa multiple times. My parents would tell me that that was his magic. He was able to get anywhere fast to drop off the presents.

 

When I was about 8 years old, my dad dropped the ball and let me know Santa wasn't real. It was my parents all along and that I had to learn that one day. And just like that, the magic was gone.

 

That's how it feels like now. I've met some one else. Some one who absolutely adores me. Treats me well. Loves to see me. But I know I will never fully let myself dive in this fully like I did with my ex. I believed in something then. Some thing magical. Now, I'm more cautious. More cynical. Less aggressive and more passive. I lost something when I lost my ex.

 

I'm not saying I don't enjoy her company. She's great. It has all the attributes of an amazing relationship. But the magic that I first felt with my ex. Like the one I felt during my younger every Xmas, it's all gone now.

 

I'm sure we all feel the same at some point, or as I like to call it; when you stop being pure at heart. But is it really fair not to give a 100% into a new relationship coz of something someone did before? Isn't that half-a$$ loving? I keep on asking myself that and wondering how I'll feel when that new person comes along. I for once know I have changed, and it scares me to death.

[TheSwanGirl]

What a lovely night. I spent Christmas by myself. In fact, as I am writing this, everyone is happy with their loved ones, and I am here alone. The first Christmas without him. Without anyone.

 

What a great great life we live in.

[Logo]

I for once know I have changed, and it scares me to death.

 

 

Changed in what way?