How are you coping today?

[TheSwanGirl]

I was doing so well. I had a really rough day on Sunday, woke up Monday. Got dressed, left for work and was half way to work by the time I realied I hadn't even thought about him yet. I barely thought about him that day&I the few occasions I did it didn't make me sad.

 

The week continued like that. There were no urges to contact him, no pain.i felt like me again. One of the guys in work even commented about how much brighter I was. Last night I even had a moment where I felt like my life was better without him.

 

Today I'm sad again. Not as sad as I was before but still sad. Slept a lot to block it out &I also cos I was exhausted. Just some things are reminding me of him today and making me wish things had been different and he was still around.there aren't proper urges to contact though because I know it won't change anything. I'm not too bad today though, just not as good as I have been all week but I'm determined not to let myself slip too far. It was good feeling good again and I want to reclaim my life.

 

It's mine, not his. He's gone.

 

I know the feeling. But if you read yourself, you can see that you are strong and really trying. Some people don't even try. You are, you are fighting for your life. We all have bad days. When you think we are all alone, when we are the only one that are suffering...

 

The urges of breaking NC are really strong sometimes. You start to wonder if they don't even remember you. You wonder why you were so happy, or why you were so stupid you didn't see the red flags...

 

I know. But perhaps tomorrow you have a great day. Who knows. Just be open to the possibility of having a great day again, in the near future.

 

I wish you all the best.

[DarrenB]

No comment. It's just one of those days again.

[sorano]

My nephews first birthday party is tomorrow. I remember when we spoke about what we were going to do for his birthday. Just another buried memory that came back up. It's so hard to be strong and keep a smile during the holidays and also events around the holiday seasons.

[Logo]

I was talking to a nice girl. It was an intelligent, mentally stimulating, and a fun conversation.

 

The entire time, I was thinking about my ex and how she used to do this with me or do that with me.

 

I'm in a rut.

 

Maybe I'll go to the gym tomorrow.

[Logo]

Went on a date this evening, went rather well.

 

Have asked to meet again and she has consented and agreed to another one.

 

The progression of coping and moving forward is incredibly slow when I compare it to my ex, however I'm complacent with myself regardless.

 

 

I felt indifferent on my recent dates.

 

If I compared myself to the way I was on my first date with my ex, I wouldn't recognize me. It's as though something inside me wilted. The magic of meeting someone new and discovering someone new was gone.

 

I feel like I want to just jump to the stage where we're already familiar with each other and get past the whole dating stage.

 

I felt no excitement, I felt no inner motivation to kiss the women or show any form of affection or, heck, even flirt.

 

I don't know what the **** is wrong. But that's how I felt and still feel.

 

 

I feel like, "Meh, it could very well be another relationship that'll start great, be great and then evaporate. I might as well just take emotions out of the whole thing and find someone who can provide me with the benefits of a relationship without the feelings and emotions that come with it, some fooling around and that's it."

 

But I can't bring myself to do that, either. Meaningless sex just feels meaningless and is just not for me.

 

It just does nothing for me.

Edited December 18, 2016 by Logo

[HorseLuck]

I received a text and 2 more calls today. The text simply stated "I'm sorry for not telling you the truth".

 

Uuuhhh.. how about you're sorry for being a cheater..a liar..and admitting you have a problem? You're sorry for leading me on and telling me I was acting ridiculous?

Usually cheaters are paranoid that the other partner is cheating, but he never seemed concerned about that. It stuck out in my mind as odd.

 

It took me back to the night where I yelled in fury that he was only sorry because he got caught. I know it bothers his ego that I didn't end things on his terms. I remember him telling me he liked a certain "race" because the females were "sweeter". I laugh about it now. I'd rather be a fireball than tolerate his sh*t. I have a feeling some of his past partners let him get away with it.

 

That aside, I feel decent. I know eventually the texts will cease. I thought i could get some closure or understanding from his side, but I'm a fool to think he can articulate himself. I hope I never have the bad luck of running into him or his new girl.

Edited December 18, 2016 by HorseLuck

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today was really really bad. At my darkest moment I seriously considered suicide. I just don't see how I'm ever going to get over this.

[ly399]

Didnt think I could do it, but it's happening. NC since end of oct 2015. Fell in love with someone else (didn't work out but the important message is you can love again). I'm coping with another breakup, I feel it will get easier each time.

[DarrenB]

I'm reconsidering my whole lifestyle and mindset at the moment. As it goes for healing and coping with the loss of the woman that I loved so dearly, I think I've done incredibly well, but it doesn't stop. I've said it before, thoughts linger on and the memories still emerge in my mind on such a re-occurring basis. I've been neglecting opportunities and other things which I shouldn't, so at that point I knew I had and have to make some changes. It hasn't been healthy or beneficial for me on a personal level, emotional level, mental and health state. The past 4 months of trauma and suffering has really made me more aware of the decision/s I perhaps should be making or should have made a while back.

 

I'm considering moving after the new year. Perhaps completely out of the current city I've been living in for the past 18 years. The company I work for have offices outside of the current vicinity I'm in so I could relocate and it wouldn't be a problem occupation wise, plus I'm able to independently fund my own property as well as live off my current balance, so I don't see that as a problem at all, it's just leaving everything behind. At 18 am I really ready to start a fresh completely? leave everything in the past?

 

There are some people minus my ex who I would like to rekindle with or make amends with before the end of this awful year... whether I will do I'm unsure.

 

The things that love and abandonment can do to you is just completely preposterous.

 

Let it be a lesson to all, do not destroy yourself in order to help build someone else.

[sorano]

Today was just.....yea. I'm sure you know.

[Deadmeat]

Just one of those days by myself and my thoughts. Is she happy right now? Does she think about me?

[VeveCakes]

Must be the Mondays. I have been doing SO GOOD. Havent talked to you since Nov 26. You had your dad call me last week for something work related (like seriously you couldn't call me yourself????).

 

Anyways, not coping well because I actually had to call him and text him regarding his insurance policy (my job). I left him a message. Now I have to wait and see if gets back to me...hate this. Never do business with bfs!

 

I also caved and creeped his instagram and he made it private and updated his profile pic, even though he never ever posts on it.

 

Also saw his POF profile is back up and hes using a pic I took of him on his profile. UGH...that one hurt.

 

Just have to make it through a few more weeks....then I can start 2017 fresh and leave this hell behind me.

[imbo1993]

My breakup has been chaotic to say the very least!

 

Thankfully, I haven't had any contact with my horrible ex-fiancee for nearly a month now. She tried harassing my step mother a couple of weeks ago but my step mother made her thoughts very clear to my ex and we haven't heard anything since.

 

I'm starting to feel more positive about myself. I know I did nothing wrong. She ruined my life, she really did. But! I am remaining positive. I know there will be someone out there who is much more deserving of all my love.

 

I'm not planning on starting a new relationship at all as I need a good break. I was with my ex for over 3 years, was engaged and had a wedding all planned and booked. So what I'm going to do is enjoy myself being single for a while. That means more time with my family and friends. Also planning on some holidays and weekends away, whether it be alone or with family.

 

It's so hard being positive after my situation but I'm trying my best!

 

VeveCakes I know how you feel! I've seen recent photos of my ex, well a couple of weeks ago. While initially it upset me, I am now laughing to myself. It is so clear to see she is mastering a fake smile in all of her new photos. She's not the same person anymore. You have nothing to worry about VeveCakes, you're a very beautiful person!

[sorano]

Not looking forward to New years eve. Thinking of going to a local lake by me at around 9pm and fish until 1am. Just be by myself.

[breakupthrowaway663]

You're probably going to spend NYE with the person you cheated on me with. You must be so blind to what you have done.

 

But I've been progressing. I have been dating someone else and we have a good time together. We took swing dancing lessons and then climbed to the top of a building and I was in awe looking over the skyline. I can't feel a whole lot for her, but I think she understands our current situation, so we're okay with it.

 

I've unfortunately slept with a few women since you. I found them attractive and one thing led to another. It wasn't very fulfilling, I've always connected intimacy and sex in a way that casual sex feels hollowing. But I have been getting more attention than I expected.

 

One of them has been praising me. It almost feels like the lovebombing you used to do. But she doesn't come off that way. She seems blown away by me and says she craves spending time with me, because we always have a blast. That sounds familiar.

 

I wake up in night sweats constantly. When I have sex you're on my mind. Why couldn't there have been more signs so I could have been let down easy. Cheating is no joke; it hurts. Only 10 months and you imprinted on me that much? Christ.

 

I've had pneumonia for awhile now, and I find myself alone in my apartment. I started playing some games with some friends to kill the time while I recover.

 

I can't wait to fly back home this week. You were supposed to come with, remember? You would have loved my hometown. I'm excited to see all my friends again. I hope it takes my mind off things, especially with xmas and NYE getting ever so close. I can't wait to get out of here.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I'm doing much better than I was a few days ago. I think everything has really set in and I'm finally moving towards acceptance. It doesn't hurt that there's a couple guys that have shown interest in me lately. It helps ease the pain of rejection and betrayal that my ex left me with. I felt ugly and worthless after I had found out that he had cheated on me and lied to me about so many things, but now I think I'm starting to realize that it was him, and not I, who was unworthy of the relationship. I know that I still have a ways to go before I'm completely healed, and that I'm still going to have some bad days where I miss what we had, but I'm hoping that I've finally made it over that first big hump.

 

It will be a test of sorts today when I go visit two of our mutual friends who I haven't seen much of since the BU. I've informed them already that I have no interest in hearing anything about him and I really hope that they'll respect that. I'm not ready to hear about the new woman in his life, or, anything about his life in general actually. It's none of my business nor my concern anymore. I did my grieving for the man I thought he was (he wasn't) and the relationship I thought we had (a lie) and I want to move forward with my life without any aspect of him in it. I need to be the strong woman I know I am.

[DarrenB]

You know what, I can't wait to start my new promotion at work come January time, I'm also looking forward to everything else along the way. New friendships, reconciling with old (friendships that is), new opportunities, new aspirations and maybe even new love. I rarely look forward to anything but I feel this is the difference, the peacemaker.

 

Never, will I allow myself to sink as low and as troubled and grief-stricken as I was midway through this year.

[PLT]

I'm doing kinda weirdly ok. I think I'm slowly getting used to life without you, your lies, your insults, and your drama.

 

It's weird because I still miss you every day. Still wish things could have been different. Still wonder if theres any hope of you going back to how you were before you went batsh** crazy abusive bitch on me. Deep down I know there isn't. Deep down I know that the current or next guy will go through exactly what I went through. I just hope they see you for what you really are a lot quicker than I did, and don't spend years giving you their dignity, pride, self respect, and anything else you demand like I did. I don't know who I'm angrier at. You for how you treated me, or myself for putting up with it for so long.

 

I keep telling myself that I can hold my head high. I KNOW that I did everything in my power to make it work. You can't say the same. All you had to do was stop being abusive, controlling and manipulative.

 

I know that I am not any of the things you accused me of. I'm starting to wonder if you were faithful, but ignorance is bliss as far as that is concerned. I think I would really lose my cool if I ever found out that while you were accusing me of cheating at every possible opportunity, you were actually just projecting your own guilt onto me. Everything else you said was a lie, so it wouldn't surprise me at all.

 

I know that my son is not any of the things you said about him either. He is 10! Who the hell do you think you are talking about him like you did? He is more mature at 10 years old than you will ever be. He cares about people other than himself. People are always telling me what a lovely little boy he is. Why did you dislike him so much? Just another thing to mess with my head about I guess. You are 43. He was 9 when you completely ignored him! What utterly incomprehensible behaviour.

 

You may be "cute", and pretty, and sexy on the surface, but my god you are ugly underneath. Everyone's looks fade. That's when personality is more important than ever, and that is when you will be totally alone. That is when all your admirer entourage will vanish. That is when you will realise quite what you had in me.

 

I'm fearful that you will sense that I'm starting to rebuild my life without you and move on from you, and that you will contact me. Please don't. I know I'm not strong enough to turn you away yet. I know the cycle will begin all over again. Not only do I not want to go through that again. I don't want my son to see me so unhappy again either.

 

They say there's a thin line between love and hate. I'm starting to agree.

[DarrenB]

I'm doing kinda weirdly ok. I think I'm slowly getting used to life without you, your lies, your insults, and your drama.

 

It's weird because I still miss you every day. Still wish things could have been different. Still wonder if theres any hope of you going back to how you were before you went batsh** crazy abusive bitch on me. Deep down I know there isn't. Deep down I know that the current or next guy will go through exactly what I went through. I just hope they see you for what you really are a lot quicker than I did, and don't spend years giving you their dignity, pride, self respect, and anything else you demand like I did. I don't know who I'm angrier at. You for how you treated me, or myself for putting up with it for so long.

 

I keep telling myself that I can hold my head high. I KNOW that I did everything in my power to make it work. You can't say the same. All you had to do was stop being abusive, controlling and manipulative.

 

I know that I am not any of the things you accused me of. I'm starting to wonder if you were faithful, but ignorance is bliss as far as that is concerned. I think I would really lose my cool if I ever found out that while you were accusing me of cheating at every possible opportunity, you were actually just projecting your own guilt onto me. Everything else you said was a lie, so it wouldn't surprise me at all.

 

I know that my son is not any of the things you said about him either. He is 10! Who the hell do you think you are talking about him like you did? He is more mature at 10 years old than you will ever be. He cares about people other than himself. People are always telling me what a lovely little boy he is. Why did you dislike him so much? Just another thing to mess with my head about I guess. You are 43. He was 9 when you completely ignored him! What utterly incomprehensible behaviour.

 

You may be "cute", and pretty, and sexy on the surface, but my god you are ugly underneath. Everyone's looks fade. That's when personality is more important than ever, and that is when you will be totally alone. That is when all your admirer entourage will vanish. That is when you will realise quite what you had in me.

 

I'm fearful that you will sense that I'm starting to rebuild my life without you and move on from you, and that you will contact me. Please don't. I know I'm not strong enough to turn you away yet. I know the cycle will begin all over again. Not only do I not want to go through that again. I don't want my son to see me so unhappy again either.

 

They say there's a thin line between love and hate. I'm starting to agree.

 

You're doing extremely well PLT. Be sure to make the most of the remaining of this festive period.

 

You will strengthen and when the time's right persevere and thrive.

[PLT]

You're doing extremely well PLT. Be sure to make the most of the remaining of this festive period.

 

You will strengthen and when the time's right persevere and thrive.

 

Thank you. You too. Congrats on the promotion!

[Deadmeat]

You know what, I can't wait to start my new promotion at work come January time, I'm also looking forward to everything else along the way. New friendships, reconciling with old (friendships that is), new opportunities, new aspirations and maybe even new love. I rarely look forward to anything but I feel this is the difference, the peacemaker.

 

Never, will I allow myself to sink as low and as troubled and grief-stricken as I was midway through this year.

 

Congrats on everything Darren. I believe you and I are roughly on the same time line. I'm so happy to hear about your new opportunities. The next year has big plans for you congrats!

[Logo]

I don't enjoy dating anymore.

 

I feel like I just want to be around people for the social aspect or the physical intimacy. Maybe a friends with benefits situation is the right solution for me now. I don't know. I feel no real excitement when going on dates.

 

Work is stressful to the point that being focused at work precludes investing in starting a relationship. If I was already in one, a relationship would be a refuge from the stress at work.

 

I'm not sure what to do, but I'm taking it one day at a time and have developed this f*** all attitude when I'm out on the weekend just to let off some steam.

 

Confused.

 

New Years is creeping up and I have no plans yet.

[DarrenB]

Congrats on everything Darren. I believe you and I are roughly on the same time line. I'm so happy to hear about your new opportunities. The next year has big plans for you congrats!

 

Thanks DM! As do I. Thanks again, it's going to be good! Take it easy and take care of yourself in the meantime, hope you have a great rest of the year/new year.

[keiji]

Looking back on 2016, I can't believe how far I got, from absolute devastation in January to being remarkably happy now. I think of her every once in a while, of course, but she's a distant memory. I met someone special six months after BU. It didn't work. I guess I'm done with dating for a while. But I'm feeling stronger than ever and unconcerned about trivial things that contribute nothing to my daily life.

 

And what the hell, we all like our little victories, don't we? While she's working in a lousy little English school with no future, I get praise from Princeton University for my work. While she has terrible family and friends, it's just the opposite for me. And yes, she has her little boyfriend, but there's a well of selfishness and unhappiness in her that I doubt has been or will ever be emptied. I don't exactly envy her.

 

As is said here so often, happiness is your best revenge. A big part of my recovery was boosted by reading this forum. So, before this year ends, let me say thanks once again and remind those who are having a hard time that if I could do it, anyone can.

[jorgeg3d]

I still think about her. I don't want to though. I don't check any social media sites for her anymore. I just keep going back to how she claimed I was so bad to her, it burns that she thinks so low of me. I know she did it to make herself feel better about breaking up. But it still hurts like hell.

 

I talk to multiple women to get my mind off of her. But Its still difficult as I keep comparing and my mind can't let her go for some reason. Its going to be a rough holiday, though I know I have so much to look forward to. Moving out of my old place to a new one, so that'll help with the memories of her at my current place. And I'm talking to some great women, just need my head on straight.