How are you coping today?

[Humantk]

Saw you last night at a mutual friends party. First time in 3 months. Said hello and waved politely then went downstairs to avoid you. You followed and went to give me a hug. I accepted the hug just because I dont know why. As you got close my friend accidently bumped into you and you spilled your drink on me. You embaressedly went and got some paper towels. I said thanks when you returned and gave me one. I wiped myself off. I ignored you best I could as you got drunker and drunker. I left early after about an hour and a half. Said goodbye to the hosts but not you.

 

We used to be so close and so in love. I still love you so much. I feel dead without you, but I might as well be in your eyes. They had no love left in them only guilt and terror of social awkwardness. I was hoping to get an angry text or hear about you being upset at my aloofness. Either you saw right through me or you just dont care. You used to say you wished you met me earlier in life bc i made yours so full. That was what? 6 months ago? Weve been on our own for 4 now. I hear youre loving it. Everyday is hell for me. My mother died from drug overdose, my adopted sister tried to kill herself in the bath tub after accusing my father of molesting her. I myself was raped when I was 8, ive never told anyone that other then her and now all you fine people. Funny what a little anonymity will bring out... dozens of funerals in my formative years for role models who had harsh lives in the 70s/80s before i was born. I was terrified to love a woman for most of my young life. Then I was 21 and saw you. You gave me such hope. We lost our virginities together. We traveled together. You opened up a world of possibilites and happiness for me. You had no drug problems, never even tried pot. You were honest and trustworthy and I was the same. My best friend got engaged to your sister. Life was sublime and Id never been happier.

 

Now we've lost each other for good. You want to have the party life you missed out on because of our young love. You don't have a past like mine. Youre dad shouts at your mom 2-3 times a year and that brought you to tears. I held you and told you I loved you and the tears went away. You decided to stop loving me. You said you believed you could find someone to replace me in time. You've sent me back into my rabbithole of depression and self loathing.

 

The first time I saw you at my cousins engagement party I felt a way I had never felt before. I needed to take a chance on you, I had never wanted to love a person before I saw you. My anxiety and fears were no match for your warmth. We fell in love so quickly and deeply. You fell out of love just as quick and now here I am. Its going to be a long road. Ive thought about ending myself more then once. I know I wont though. My brother couldnt take that. He doesnt know it but he's kept me alive even though we arnt as close as I know he would like us to be. I can never get close to people. It was only you. I hope theres another you out there. I thought for a long time you were my proof there was a god. That I had weathered the brutal storm of the past 15 years and now got to live the next 80 with love and you. I hope there someone out there I can love as deep as I loved you. Ill always love you my dear. Goodbye panda.

Edited December 11, 2016 by Humantk

[breakupthrowaway663]

I heard the whole story last night. A mutual friend told me about who you cheated on me with and how it all unraveled.

 

We were 10 months of passion and fire. You pulled me into a vulnerable place when you told me how badly you wanted to be with me longterm. I fell for it. I had never felt so alive in a relationship before. Your cute smile, the way you'd look at me, the way we could laugh nonstop together.

 

I remember your insecurity during our relationship. You used to say "Why me? Why choose me? You live in X and have so many options." I would say "Oh you're so silly, you just don't see yourself through my eyes".

 

You'd say "I fear the day you find someone who makes you laugh more, smile more, is more beautiful than me". I'd snicker and tell you "That's not how love works babe, I don't see anyone the way I see you."

 

Funny how that turned on me in the end. I knew you had a tough history, but I connected with it. I knew you had a history of cheating on serious relationships, but I brushed it off. You were on a pedestal.

 

Hearing the story of how you fell for someone else hurt me to the core. I know him, and he's not half the man I was to you. We shared so much.

 

I haven't spoken to you in 4 weeks now. I heard you got a DUI and things are only getting worse for you.

 

I wish you the best. It's hard for me to move on from something so passionate, but I will. I know I will. One day you'll be a distant memory and I'll look back with a smirk at all our good times.

 

Goodbye from your penguin.

[Miss Clavel]

He keeps telling me to date and as a result, I can't date. I need confirmation the men have left my life for atleast 6 months before I can even think about dating. It's so ruined for me. Knowing the love in his life and his new girlfriends life today, makes it very difficult for me to go out and attempt that so he can say "look at her now". I think given his behavior, I need to let the lawyer take it over.

 

can you say why you need to let a lawyer take it over?

 

i don't understand.

 

however, i think it is wise for you to "wait at least 6months''.

 

there is an old saying that goes something like this, 'you are letting someone live in your head, rent free'.

 

take back your own mind. take back your heart. those areas belong to you and you alone.

 

for now.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today was a rough one. I just felt constant anxiety for no reason that I could really pinpoint. It also kept running through my head how he never loved me, regardless of what he said, and that he's not effected by this break up at all and is living his life happily, unlike me.

 

It was only a 6 month relationship and, if I'm being totally honest with myself, for quite some time I had known deep down that it wasn't going to work out...so why am I so hurt and miserable?? I promised myself after the nightmare of a relationship I had with my last ex that I would listen to my gut when it came to any future relationships and act on it so I could avoid going through what I did with him. But I didn't. Again. And here I am heartbroken again. I guess I thought that we could work through things? But looking back on our relationship, I don't think these were things that could be worked on. Our personalities clashed in ways that would have caused huge issues farther down the road. I know this, I truly do, but I can't help thinking about all the what-ifs. There were other issues such as the fact that he just comes out to my province in the summer to work and that he planned to stay in his province for good within the next couple of years, but I was willing to move out there with him to be together. I guess he didn't see that working out.

 

A month before he left back home we had been arguing a lot and he had dumped me but had come back a couple days later wanting to get back together. I now wish that we had just stayed broken up. I would probably be well on my way to healing if we had. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

 

It's hard because we have some mutual friends. I never had that with my last ex so I didn't have to worry about hearing about him. Today a couple we're both friends with came over for a visit and the guy kept bringing him up randomly. It hurt to hear about him. Yes, my ex and I are trying to do the friends thing so I just smiled and nodded, but I'm really starting to realize that I'm not ready to be friends with him right now. It's just too soon.

 

I think what I need to do is tell him that I'm going to block him off of social media. Not because of him, but for me and for my healing.

[StrangerThanFiction]

So I know that writing out a pros and cons list can be helpful in seeing a relationship more objectively. I haven't done that yet with this one so I hope that it might help.

 

Pros:

-He could be very sweet.

-The sex was great.

-We had really deep introspective talks sometimes.

-He was weird like I am.

-We wanted the same things for the future. House out in the country and some animals.

 

Cons:

-He had a drinking problem that he would never admit to. He would have at least 3 beers everyday and said that if he went a day without he would crave it and not feel quite right. Whenever I would mention that maybe he should go a few days without, he would get really angry.

-He got on my nerves a lot. Things he would do or say would irritate me to no end sometimes.

-He had some very old fashioned beliefs on the roles of men and women that I did not agree with.

-His libido was much lower than mine and after awhile it made me feel unwanted and ugly. We started out having sex every day but near the end I was lucky to get it once a week. He just said over the last few years his sex drive had really dropped and sex wasn't that important to him anymore. I'm 30 and my sex drive is at its peak. Also, he was obsessed with anal. I had never tried it and wasn't ready to but he alway brought it up and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough in bed without it to keep him satisfied.

-He is very bad with money and his priorities seemed a little off to me.

-He was still hung up on some of his exes. One from when he was a TEENAGER, and the mother of his child who he walked in on in bed with another man. I always felt like he would compare me to them and I would always be found lacking.

-He would slap my ass regularly even though he knew I hated it and I found it demeaning. He would also grab my chest roughly sometimes and it hurt. I know that the mother of his child was really into pain like that so not only did it make me feel disrespected, it made me feel like he wished I was her. Other times he would just grab me roughly in a playful way even though I told him over and over that I didn't like that because the ex before him had been abusive and it brought that fear back.

-He planned to move back to his home province for good within the next couple years to be with his son. He only came out here in the summers to work.

-He never seemed to appreciate the fact that I worked a physically demanding job all day and came home and cooked him dinner. He seemed to feel that it was his due. He got a little grumpy when I stopped.

-After we started telling each other I love you his effort level seemed to drop to zero. Even though before that he had pursued me pretty aggressively and always told me how beautiful and amazing I was and how he was so happy to be with me.

-I always felt like I was paying for everything because he was always broke or he "had to save money for the trip home". I have no problem paying for things because that's only fair, but I do have a problem paying for everything. I don't like feeling like someone's ATM. Especially when he made significantly more money than me. He couldn't afford to buy dinner more than once every couple weeks but he could afford to buy a $1200 quad or a $400 gun. Hmm. At least I knew where I was on that priority level.

-He could be very overbearing and controlling. On more than one occasion from multiple mutual friends of ours I was told that we have a lot more fun when he's not around because he always tries to steam roll everyone else and be in the spotlight constantly.

-We were constantly bickering. After a time, he barely ever talked to me in the sweet way he used to.

-Whenever I would get emotional or bring up issues he would call me overly dramatic. But then he would get emotional and I was supposed to just accept it. I believe that's called gas-lighting or something?

-I caught him in some lies. One was fairly huge, others were smaller. I hate the fact that I continued with him after that first big lie. I had promised myself that after my last ex if a man lied to me I would end it there. But he rationalized it away and I swallowed it.

 

Wow, looking back at that list there are way more cons than pros...and that's not even all of them. Why am I so upset about the ending of this relationship again??

[AmandaDiane]

3rd day after break up. Random highs and lows. Randomly start tearing up. Can't eat properly, can't sleep properly, can't focus. Got exams soon and I must get my focus back. Broke up due to long distance and that she has her eyes on another guy. Didn't plead to her or beg to rethink. I just couldn't stomach the fact that the girl whom I loved and loved me has her eyes on another guy. Agreed to break up and she asked if she could contact me again and get back together in 2 years time after she finishes uni, told her no. I feel free yet lonely and I miss her. Soldier on...

 

Tough times my friend! Long-distance relationships are always hard and complicated. Try to enjoy the good side of being single and take your mind off of this. Good luck buddy!

[Trinity_84]

I have started following our mutual friends on Facebook again after almost a year since the BU. Today a tagged photo of my ex came up on my feed and I just thought "wow he looks like ****".

 

Is that mean? Am I a horrible person for thinking that? Maybe he looked like that all along our relationship (probably) but I was too in love to care. Maybe I'm just one of those shallow women. I know he's a great fella with an amazing brain but he looks like a junkie hobo.

[DarrenB]

I am so done with this year. Begone and finish, please.

[ToBePampered]

I'm pissed because I lost my diamond ring that my mother gave me in a public place!!!! I'll never get it back!!

 

And, I feel despondent. Almost numb when I think about my social life. To long to go into detail, but I'm a very kind person who has been hurt a lot in life. I've lost so many people that I would have done anything for, and I feel really alone. I love myself, but I feel I'm missing something... I'm missing connections with people. People who are going to stay in my life and not leave or hurt me.

 

I am a codependent. And I have tons of scars from what I've been through. People tell me that I need to keep working on myself... that the right person will come around when I'm ready, and that I'm not ready yet... as if there is some destination that I need to reach.

 

I take everyday at a time. Some are good, some are bad. I'll never be perfect though. If I can live myself with all of my scars why can't someone else. Does one truly have to be "ready" to be loved? Is there a specific date or time for when love can exist?

[sorano]

Im with darren on this one. I have had friends tell me to go back out again and start making connections. some want to take me to a few lounges, some nice quiet upscale place where there are quality women. You know the deal. Honestly, I have zero desire to get back out there. It honestly doesn't even cross my mind. I have said it in the past on here. For me to go through that redundant dating cycle again, I just cannot. I put too much time, energy on this relationship that my heart, body, and mind are just shut down. I don't want another relationship anymore. I made it this far without anyone, so I can keep going and continue to make me happy and improve and do my own thing without anyone.

 

The people that are on that path to find "the one" ( I dont believe that anymore bc you can love and love again and half the stuff a person tells you is bull**** ) good luck and I am behind you. If that will make you happy, go for it. I, feel like I retired from a long time job. I don't have to deal with relationships, women, anymore. Im free. I can do my own thing and not have to worry about another person. This is just my opinion and how I feel. Nobody has to follow what I am doing.

[HorseLuck]

He reached out today. I am in utter disbelief that he can act as if he did nothing wrong..as if he thinks he can scoot right back into my life. I hope the time I spent around him in tears and mental anguish haunt him for days to come. How can he not be burdened with guilt?

..He has no idea what I've been going through for the past weeks.

 

I admit, I did get some validation from the texts- but I know it's short lived. Nothing he can say or do at this point will change anything..he has probably started talking to females again.

 

I hate him for making me feel like I gave up on him, or left him behind- when he left me no choice. I loved him and it hurts to have to let him go. But I'll manage. I always do. Now it's his turn to be forgotten. I'm sure his big fat ego will handle it well.

 

Just like you told me.."you're being ridiculous"

 

You're ridiculous for ever thinking i'd open the door for you again!

Edited December 15, 2016 by HorseLuck

[DarrenB]

We will all grow from our own tragedies and pain. It is a nature to feel a tendency to relapse and remain broken, hurt and in despair. But don't give in to harrowing temptations, don't give in to your demons. For I have witnessed pain and suffering, I am a young advocate of solitude and independence. I had lost love, meaningful and naively thought to be perpetual love. I bestow empathy upon those of you to go through it yourselves, I bestow sympathy for you who must struggle through the heartbreak and sadness. But, believe me. You will overcome and surpass. TIME is of the essence, TIME is your friend. You are your own love, don't feel doubted by other's negligence and false unrequited love. For you, will seek and find it again. Godspeed.

 

Seek peace and sanctuary, for it will help guide you on your journey to enlightenment and recovery.

 

- Darren.

[sorano]

Today I forced myself to go Christmas shopping. I am not really in a holiday spirit this year. I am pushing through because of my one year old nephew. That is the only reason I bought gifts this year. He is my little man that I love.

 

I passed by the store my ex took me when we were looking at rings. Standing there, the chaotic crowded mall here in New York, just went silent. Time stood still. I paused. I stared at the very spot we were standing when the jeweler was showing her different style diamonds. The plan was we were supposed to be together forever. But it wasn't in the cards. She changed her mind. Her dream is to do this with another man. Not with me. I have to respect that and deal with it.

 

 

Hopefully one day I will pass by that jewelry store and just quickly give a smile. The memory will be just that. A memory. A past event. This evening I am going to skip the gym. Instead I will Sit down on my comfortable couch with a blanket, watch tv and drink some hot choclate.

[DarrenB]

Today I forced myself to go Christmas shopping. I am not really in a holiday spirit this year. I am pushing through because of my one year old nephew. That is the only reason I bought gifts this year. He is my little man that I love.

 

I passed by the store my ex took me when we were looking at rings. Standing there, the chaotic crowded mall here in New York, just went silent. Time stood still. I paused. I stared at the very spot we were standing when the jeweler was showing her different style diamonds. The plan was we were supposed to be together forever. But it wasn't in the cards. She changed her mind. Her dream is to do this with another man. Not with me. I have to respect that and deal with it.

 

 

Hopefully one day I will pass by that jewelry store and just quickly give a smile. The memory will be just that. A memory. A past event. This evening I am going to skip the gym. Instead I will Sit down on my comfortable couch with a blanket, watch tv and drink some hot choclate.

 

I do on a level believe, reminiscence is a stage of healing and acceptance. So, in my world you're doing incredibly well.

 

Enjoy that hot chocolate, Sorano mate. It's always nice to unwind occasionally.

 

I would to, but my calorie intake per day has definitely passed an exceeded amount... . Mind occupied but heart and soul desolate. Such a grand time to be living.

[Deadmeat]

I still long for her. Its not like how it was in the first few months. There are moment when I see or hear something that brings me back and I have to stop and catch myself.

 

The weather is extremely cold this time of year. I pictured us walking together and keeping each other warm, and having long winded conversations about nothing. It makes me really sad that I can't do that anymore.

 

I feel like I've grieved the loss of my love and now I have to process losing my best friend. I'm seeing another girl right now. We've been intimate and it feels nice to be able to do that again. I just don't have that emotional connection with her.

 

I still have my ex on the pedestal. I miss her more around this time when everyone is spending time with there loved ones. I wonder if she thinKS of me the same way I do with her. I wonder if she has some one to hold her at nights. A part of me hopes she is happy and a part of me hopes she is missing me. I know it's one or the other.

 

I hope everyone on this forum is doing well. You are all amazing people in your own right. I hope you can all feel reassured knowing that you are not alone despite how it feels.

 

Happy Holidays brothers and sisters

[Logo]

Darren,

 

You wrote something a while back about going on a date and feeling indifferent as if you didn't feel like putting any effort. Can you point me to that post?

 

I had a similar experience recently when I went on a few dates.

[sorano]

I do on a level believe, reminiscence is a stage of healing and acceptance. So, in my world you're doing incredibly well.

 

Enjoy that hot chocolate, Sorano mate. It's always nice to unwind occasionally.

 

I would to, but my calorie intake per day has definitely passed an exceeded amount... . Mind occupied but heart and soul desolate. Such a grand time to be living.

 

lol will do darren. I try everyday to push forward. At times, it feels tough. Like I want to give up. But, I can't. The mall, that store, really hit home today. Driving there I felt no emotions. As I walked in the mall, memories started to rush back in. I haven't been to the mall since she broke it off with me.

 

The thing is, my mind literally replayed almost every memory of us shopping at that mall. I remembered every single time we went there. Its amazing how the mind works.

 

Besides the jewelry store, the other event that also got to me today was the one night I took her to the steak house which is attached to the mall. Very classy place. That night she wore a long dark dress. Hair done, makeup, the whole 9. I remember picking her up and she looked gorgeous. That was our first official dining date. she took a picture of our wine glasses together, like making a toast to us. Its all gone.

 

I keep telling myself that she is not the person who I thought she was. she was so caught up on me being a gentleman, a nice guy, the man that saved her from her past harsh relationships. In reality, she never loved me. I was just there as a comfort I guess. she was also Focusing on getting a new job and wasn't happy. I was not a priority for her.

 

I am slowly chipping away on knocking down that pedestal. Off she must go. I compare my ex to one of those ancient statues of a goddess. From a far, the statue is gorgeous. Its beautiful. You are inspired and look with amazement. As you get closer, you see the statue is used up. Aged. It has flaws, cracks, and its not as pretty as it seems.

[sorano]

I still long for her. Its not like how it was in the first few months. There are moment when I see or hear something that brings me back and I have to stop and catch myself.

 

The weather is extremely cold this time of year. I pictured us walking together and keeping each other warm, and having long winded conversations about nothing. It makes me really sad that I can't do that anymore.

 

I feel like I've grieved the loss of my love and now I have to process losing my best friend. I'm seeing another girl right now. We've been intimate and it feels nice to be able to do that again. I just don't have that emotional connection with her.

 

I still have my ex on the pedestal. I miss her more around this time when everyone is spending time with there loved ones. I wonder if she thinKS of me the same way I do with her. I wonder if she has some one to hold her at nights. A part of me hopes she is happy and a part of me hopes she is missing me. I know it's one or the other.

 

I hope everyone on this forum is doing well. You are all amazing people in your own right. I hope you can all feel reassured knowing that you are not alone despite how it feels.

 

Happy Holidays brothers and sisters

 

same to you my friend. Hang in there

[StrangerThanFiction]

I'm feeling really lonely right now. I'm wondering if this pain will ever go away or if I'll just be stuck in this pit for the rest of my life, not able to move on. I keep thinking that I might have to see him at work again in 5 months if he comes back and it makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of seeing him again almost sends me into a panic attack. It was only a 6 month long relationship! Why is it effecting me so much?? I just want to get over this already, and if not that, at least not feel this pain as acutely anymore.

[DarrenB]

I still long for her. Its not like how it was in the first few months. There are moment when I see or hear something that brings me back and I have to stop and catch myself.

 

The weather is extremely cold this time of year. I pictured us walking together and keeping each other warm, and having long winded conversations about nothing. It makes me really sad that I can't do that anymore.

 

I feel like I've grieved the loss of my love and now I have to process losing my best friend. I'm seeing another girl right now. We've been intimate and it feels nice to be able to do that again. I just don't have that emotional connection with her.

 

I still have my ex on the pedestal. I miss her more around this time when everyone is spending time with there loved ones. I wonder if she thinKS of me the same way I do with her. I wonder if she has some one to hold her at nights. A part of me hopes she is happy and a part of me hopes she is missing me. I know it's one or the other.

 

I hope everyone on this forum is doing well. You are all amazing people in your own right. I hope you can all feel reassured knowing that you are not alone despite how it feels.

 

Happy Holidays brothers and sisters

 

May you find happiness and for it to be everlasting, soon DM.

 

Take care

[Kelley]

Even though I have moved on and dating, I'm looking forward to the New Year, just to have a clean slate. So much to look forward to I can't wait to see the back of this year! Who knows where I will be next Christmas? I thought the same before last Christmas, I never thought single and enjoying my own life with lots of new hobbies and friends. It's crazy how much life can change in a year!

[HorseLuck]

Feeling rejected. I thought he would try harder to reach out..to show me that he was truly apologetic. But it's the bare minimum. I guess he never truly loved me. That or, he has accepted acknowledgement of how much pain he has put me through. I'd like to believe so anyway..

 

I hate the pain. I can't afford to keep getting distracted by these emotions.

 

Edit:* annnd some validation came at 2:47am. Calling me, but my phone is set to hang up. Probably drunk, horny, or waking up from a nightmare. Idiot wh*rebag.

Edited December 17, 2016 by HorseLuck

[DarrenB]

Darren,

 

You wrote something a while back about going on a date and feeling indifferent as if you didn't feel like putting any effort. Can you point me to that post?

 

I had a similar experience recently when I went on a few dates.

 

Er, page 437 I believe there was something resembling it.

 

Regardless, hope the date/s went alright.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I had the chance to get intimate with someone new last night. Just a no strings attached sort of thing. I realized I wasn't ready for that yet. Even though I know my ex replaced me even before we broke up, I still miss his body and I'm not ready for someone else's yet. I hate it so much. I can't even think about being touched by someone else while he gets to be happy having sex and sleeping beside this other chick. It hurts so much and I wish it would stop already. I also had the realization that I was nothing but a rebound to him. I meant absolutely nothing to him and now I'm left broken while he's moved on to someone new.

[Kayley]

I was doing so well. I had a really rough day on Sunday, woke up Monday. Got dressed, left for work and was half way to work by the time I realied I hadn't even thought about him yet. I barely thought about him that day&I the few occasions I did it didn't make me sad.

 

The week continued like that. There were no urges to contact him, no pain.i felt like me again. One of the guys in work even commented about how much brighter I was. Last night I even had a moment where I felt like my life was better without him.

 

Today I'm sad again. Not as sad as I was before but still sad. Slept a lot to block it out &I also cos I was exhausted. Just some things are reminding me of him today and making me wish things had been different and he was still around.there aren't proper urges to contact though because I know it won't change anything. I'm not too bad today though, just not as good as I have been all week but I'm determined not to let myself slip too far. It was good feeling good again and I want to reclaim my life.

 

It's mine, not his. He's gone.