Kayley Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I don't think I'll really be okay until Christmas is over, we had all these plans for Christmas...we were even making plans the week before we split up. Then he just let me out of the blue... I just keep thinking of all the things we were supposed to do... I don't think I can feel better until all of that's over with. Can't believe 32 days of NC and I haven't heard from at all....clearly I meant nothing.
MrPlop Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 It's been 8 months since she took off with a coworker and the memories are still there. Even though deep down I knew she wasn't the right one for me, that we had no future together when you're truly in love you try to find any excuses to make it work. Knowing I'll spend these holidays without a SO when everybody else around me is feeling loved it's proving quite challenging. I try to keep myself occupied with work and school but still I have my days. The hardest thing is realizing it's over, the way I try to make it work is by telling myself that person is dead. The idea of who she was is long gone, what remains now is a completely different person under the same name. 1
VeveCakes Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I finally feel like I have climbed the highest part of this uphill struggle...and I am starting my descent. It gets easier every day all of a sudden. I don't think about him until after noon now. No more crying...no more wondering if I will hear from him. I see the end of this pain coming soon. 3
DarrenB Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I finally feel like I have climbed the highest part of this uphill struggle...and I am starting my descent. It gets easier every day all of a sudden. I don't think about him until after noon now. No more crying...no more wondering if I will hear from him. I see the end of this pain coming soon. In the words of every female companion during the process of a breakup and coping: 'You go girl' 2
DarrenB Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 It is now December and I for some reason feel like my persona may resemble that of Ebenezer Scrooge. Every year, especially last I would have set up all the outside/inside decorations, trees, planned all the gifts and food preparation for the events but I for some reason haven't bothered to, nor do I plan to at any point. Maybe this is just me reminiscing back to every other year when I could be happy and content with the very few meaningful people in my life, feel loved, give love... you know, all that cliche BS. However as every year progresses I seem to be more at a loss. If only this entire month could be skipped. I look forward to 2017 and achieving my current aspirations +higher.
VeveCakes Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 In the words of every female companion during the process of a breakup and coping: 'You go girl' haah thank you May we all survive the end of this hellish year and enter 2017 with renewed hope 3
DarrenB Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 haah thank you May we all survive the end of this hellish year and enter 2017 with renewed hope I second that! 1
Logo Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I have come to the realization that despite what happened between us, I'm going to take what good I got out of the relationship, the good times, good memories and fun and leave out the bad. I'm fine with that. It was hard for me to reconcile the way the relationship started with the way it crumbled, but I've come to the realization that I can still take good memories with me outside the relationship. Does that make sense? 2
Kayley Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 This morning is the first morning in over a month where I haven't felt like messaging you or adding you on facebook. Whether the urges come back through the day or not remains to be seen. I'm still completely &I utterly miserable but this is the first time I haven't felt like messaging him will make that miserable go away. I'll take that as progress. Ironically though I woke up at 4am this morning and said to myself that I wasn't doing NC anymore. I could reach out if I wanted to as long as I putthiyvht into it and considered if it was the best thing for me or not. Not sure if I really meant this and if I'd even let myself message him if I came to it or if it was just an attempt to make me feel better. Those thoughts were still in my head when I woke up this morning though and I found I didn't want to reach out. 1
Kayley Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 That should have said putting thought into it...stupid phone!
kel224 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I'm around 6 weeks post-breakup, 4 weeks after finding out she probably left me for her friend (and maybe cheated), and 17 days no contact after moving out of the place we shared. Since I still have this awful hope that she'll come back, no contact has been getting harder. I'm still struggling to accept how ****ty what she did is, and I go back and forth between all the stages of grief. It's all really ****ty but I know it'll get better and I'm growing a lot from this. 1
bruindds Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 9 weeks post break up and I saw her profile on POF today. I was not prepared for how bad I have been feeling since then. I know its just one more stage of accepting that its over. I know I don't want her back I really appreciate that this forum is here
Pete2304 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 9 weeks post break up and I saw her profile on POF today. I was not prepared for how bad I have been feeling since then. I know its just one more stage of accepting that its over. I know I don't want her back I really appreciate that this forum is here Look on the bright side, I got a Facebook message from a mate with a picture of my wife's POF profile before I even knew we had broken up!! Whilst it's breaking your heart seeing that, whilst you're on there.....no harm in maybe getting chatting to a few people yourself. If nothing else, it will be a bit of a distraction.
Wuku Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Look on the bright side, I got a Facebook message from a mate with a picture of my wife's POF profile before I even knew we had broken up!! Whilst it's breaking your heart seeing that, whilst you're on there.....no harm in maybe getting chatting to a few people yourself. If nothing else, it will be a bit of a distraction. Man, that really sucks!! Don't know how I would of been able to deal with that!
jorgeg3d Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 2 months + NC,more and more clear about what kind of clown she is and despises her for blaming the break up on me. You know, I feel the same. I can't believe my ex blamed me for her breaking up with me. Even though, she never really wanted to talk things out. Anyway, its been about 5 weeks since she broke it off with me, I've been doing the NC rule. Everyday seems to get a little better, but I have my outbursts, and setbacks still. I keep thinking of how she was at the beginning as opposed to how she was at the end. With depression and ignoring me, not giving me love and affection for the last 6 months we were together. She definitely doesnt deserve to have me, but somehow I want her back. Though I know I shouldn't.
Kelley Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 I have been through the sleepless nights, the anxiety, panic attacks, the crying, the hurts like hell, anger, hating happy couples to slowly happy being single, loving my life, confidence back to smiling at lovers holding hands. I love the peace that comes when you are happy in your skin knowing you have weathered the storm. I'm not the same person I was once was before the heartbreak and betrayal. I'm stronger, more confident, have boundaries and most of all wiser. Let those feelings out in a journal or talking to friends. As hard as it is build your life around what you enjoy. I remember being lost thinking I didn't have a life anymore as it was always shared with my ex. I remember just taking my dog to new places and hiking to get away. I used to hate the empty weekends, now I love them. Gym, friends, shopping, yoga, running, my dog, relaxing times on the sofa under the duvet watching Netflix if I feel like it. If you are going through hell keep going, and you will heal. You have to help yourself with work you will do it. Keeping going forward, go NC and heal. It gets better, I read that a lot when I was hurting but it's true it does get better. 2
jorgeg3d Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 For some reason i have started to think my ex more lately. I was quite fine at the one point, but now: I see dreams about her almost every night (nice dreams), i think good things about her, and i am thinking about writing a small letter and sending a x-mas card to her. I just cannot get over the fact that she was the first person in my life who had made me feel like that. The chemistry alone between us was something i have never experienced before. And more i talk with women (online mostly) the more i miss my ex. Unfortunately, as i pretty much anticipated, every single woman feels boring after her. She had passion, energy, she was alive, enjoyed every moment of her life (even too much unfortunately). She was creative, and she loved science fiction movies. I have met lots of women during my life. I dated many women when i was younger but never ever i have felt such chemistry between anyone else. Never. Not even with the people i have been in relationship with. Well...i guess it goes over someday. And i know it sounds crazy, but i really hate the saying "there are lots of fish in the sea". No. There was only one woman like her in this world. Damn, that sounds almost exactly like my situation. I keep going back to how great my ex was instead of how distant and just how she became another person the last 8 months or so we were together. Funny thing is, like you, I'm talking and dating other women. But again, none of them feel the same as my ex. I guess its just too soon to date but I need to keep my mind off my ex. And dating does help, to some degree.
sorano Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 9 weeks post break up and I saw her profile on POF today. I was not prepared for how bad I have been feeling since then. I know its just one more stage of accepting that its over. I know I don't want her back I really appreciate that this forum is here Happened to me. Saw her profile on okcupid. It will hurt.
sorano Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Lately, I have been feeling better again. No cares to give anymore. I almost feel 100%. It takes a long time to heal. All that love stuff she said used to get to me. I would cry and wonder why she left me. Thinking of it now, not even mad. It's like my mind is saying enough I'm exhausted. I am also telling myself that what she said was a lie from the beginning and it wasn't really her. She is not the woman who I made her be in my mind. I made her to be an angel and the one. That's my mind playing Tricks on me. I am content being alone and I can say I really am not missing her anymore. Keep crying if you have to and let it out. Suffer. It will get out of your system and you will get better. Even if you relapse. Cry some more and feel the pain. There is only one direction you can go when you hit rock bottom. You can only go up. Also, think about the negatives your ex has. He or she left you. It didn't work and there are reasons why it didn't work so there are flaws. Think of there flaws and picture what the next person in line has to deal with. My ex will marry. Im sure she will. But man, I feel bad for that guy. He will need tons and tons and tons of patience and tongue biting if he believes she is worth it. Good luck to. You my friend. 1
Logo Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I'm at a point where I feel like I need to be selfish and do what's good for me. Maybe the right person will come along one day. I miss the familiarity I had with my ex. I miss the laughs. I feel like I'll never have what I had with her again. Maybe I'll just focus on me for now and whatever comes my way will be a bonus, when I least expect it. 1
DarrenB Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I'm at a point where I feel like I need to be selfish and do what's good for me. Maybe the right person will come along one day. I miss the familiarity I had with my ex. I miss the laughs. I feel like I'll never have what I had with her again. Maybe I'll just focus on me for now and whatever comes my way will be a bonus, when I least expect it. That's what you should have been realizing from day 1 my friend... what you're now left with is months of constant torment and despair on yourself, which could have been easily avoided. But that can all change of course. I see it simply as moving onwards or moving backwards. You can choose to remain a distant memory to them, but let them be in your thoughts constantly, or you can attempt to salvage the good (if any) between the two of you and use it to your advantage as a motive to move on. For some of us it's a lot harder to process the ultimatum which is them to never return. It's more eternal and goes somewhat near past the point of repair, but it's never too late to amend that and make a change to fulfill yourself. Remember that. In your darkest times, seek gratitude.
Kayley Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 It's been over a month of NC...I no longer feel the need toxiubt the days so I suppose that's progress. I still miss him like hell everyday. I can't understand how someone who was in my life for such a short time is so hard to get over. Maybe it's because he's the first person I opened up to, I was so careful with my heart for a long time or maybe it's because he showed me what I had closed myself off to, or it's the could have beens...the promises he made me that will never materialise. I do not want to get back together. I still care but I'll never forget this hurt. I can't shake the wanting to talk to him though.some days it's there more than others. I can't break nc though, it's just pathetic given him making no attempt to speak to me but god I want to so badly. I feel like this feeling is never going to fully leave me. 1
jorgeg3d Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 It's been over a month of NC...I no longer feel the need toxiubt the days so I suppose that's progress. I still miss him like hell everyday. I can't understand how someone who was in my life for such a short time is so hard to get over. Maybe it's because he's the first person I opened up to, I was so careful with my heart for a long time or maybe it's because he showed me what I had closed myself off to, or it's the could have beens...the promises he made me that will never materialise. I do not want to get back together. I still care but I'll never forget this hurt. I can't shake the wanting to talk to him though.some days it's there more than others. I can't break nc though, it's just pathetic given him making no attempt to speak to me but god I want to so badly. I feel like this feeling is never going to fully leave me. I feel the same, so many unanswered questions. I've felt the need to reach out to her so many times. I don't want to give her the power, but I feel like I need to know. To help with closure. I need to know why she became a different person than who she started off as. 1
Kayley Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 That should have been no longer need to count the days! Daft phone.
Kayley Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I feel the same, so many unanswered questions. I've felt the need to reach out to her so many times. I don't want to give her the power, but I feel like I need to know. To help with closure. I need to know why she became a different person than who she started off as. I feel exactly the same way. I feel like one more conversation would help me find my closure, I've tried to find I within myself. I hope this feeling would go away if I kept up with NC but it just won't leave! 1
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