Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Or your dating for the wrong reason. In stead of dating and looking for something, then just go into it getting to know the other person and deciding if that person is right for you. If they make a decision, my neighbor john shared with me, if they don't like you then brush it off as some people just don't like other people. Some people just do not like you so leave it alone. You can't compete with your ex and never date competing with them. They took this much time of yours already and don't let them rent space in your head unless they pay to be there. My ex however did pay and "ex" is correct. Not ex "ex". There is a reason behind the quotation. However, if they pay rent to be there then yes but if not then let it go and accept he didn't want to be with you. I accept that he is with someone else. I wouldnt' even try to stop that .. I do have a problem with him staying in my life the way he chose to and for as long as he did!
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 In my experience there are cocky men with the "haha confidence because you can't do nothing to me b****" and then you do something and they turn "b*****" but the cocky confidence shifts to the pitty for self. I can't wait to see the big macho in this looser turn to shame and that will happen at some point. I am not taking his **** and no one on this planet would do to me what he did!
DarrenB Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 This is one for the broken-hearted, Those of whom our previous lovers were left departed We love, we loathe, we envy and we seek For a better future, one to make us broken eventually speak We learn from our mistakes, Oh how we shun the dark However we cannot avoid the inevitable, the one which destroys the spark Our experiences correlate between those positive and negative But we're left in reminiscence of it all, the sadness is so repetitive I am one of those who questioned love and affection But I found myself struggling, a new feeling made for repression C'est la vie. It's life, that's what they say A life of struggle? suffering? a feeling of sadness I wish away The memories approach whilst my feelings and emotions all diminish I wish this pain away, I begin to relinquish I miss you, I miss us, I miss what we shared and miss what we experienced However what did you think of me throughout it all? Was I ever so inferior? I love you, but you no longer love me I long for your touch, but for that now will never be Your beauty awakened my soul, I saw beauty in you as well as the world I felt like a changed man, I fell deeply in love with the perfect girl Take me back to a time, where we were so significantly enticed I would do anything for that feeling, almost anything of the sort would suffice But it is all now of the past, realizations come to my mind I'm now sad again, thinking of you in the dead of night I love you, Dear Skye, you are my one and only Remember me as your first lover, especially when you are lonely You are in my heart, you are in my soul The loss of you has killed me, I can no longer take control.
Deadmeat Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 This is one for the broken-hearted, Those of whom our previous lovers were left departed We love, we loathe, we envy and we seek For a better future, one to make us broken eventually speak We learn from our mistakes, Oh how we shun the dark However we cannot avoid the inevitable, the one which destroys the spark Our experiences correlate between those positive and negative But we're left in reminiscence of it all, the sadness is so repetitive I am one of those who questioned love and affection But I found myself struggling, a new feeling made for repression C'est la vie. It's life, that's what they say A life of struggle? suffering? a feeling of sadness I wish away The memories approach whilst my feelings and emotions all diminish I wish this pain away, I begin to relinquish I miss you, I miss us, I miss what we shared and miss what we experienced However what did you think of me throughout it all? Was I ever so inferior? I love you, but you no longer love me I long for your touch, but for that now will never be Your beauty awakened my soul, I saw beauty in you as well as the world I felt like a changed man, I fell deeply in love with the perfect girl Take me back to a time, where we were so significantly enticed I would do anything for that feeling, almost anything of the sort would suffice But it is all now of the past, realizations come to my mind I'm now sad again, thinking of you in the dead of night I love you, Dear Skye, you are my one and only Remember me as your first lover, especially when you are lonely You are in my heart, you are in my soul The loss of you has killed me, I can no longer take control. Brother, that was beautiful. Every word, I felt it. You and I are on the same time line. I can empathize. You are so young, but you have this amazing way of expression. One day, you will meet someone who will appreciate you for who you are. That person will ever be so lucky. I have no wise words. I'm sure you have heard it all anyway. Just know that tonight you are not alone. Rest well brother. 1
starswewillnavigate Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 (edited) I'm not doing too well. Maybe I'm looking to date too early. So far, I have tried to go on two dates and both have shown interest at first, but then given me a the runaround or a cold shoulder. No dates scheduled. They're 'busy'. Either I've become very sensitive due to the breakup or I'm not willing to put up with the same crap that my ex used to put me through. Maybe my depression comes through in the way I talk. I don't know anymore. So I rule them out immediately. Women should be chasing me, not the other way around. Some people are just looking for self-validation, and once I give them a little bit of attention, they start with the power games. Screw it. My ego gets bruised every time, I can't put up with it. If you like me, show me respect. If you can't show me the same respect I show you, then f*** you. Maybe it's too early to date. Or, maybe I'm trying to date the wrong women. Am I confused or am I trying to heal? It might be a combination of both. I think some people give no regard to other people and their feelings. If anyone plays games, walk away. I lived on a roller coaster of emotions with my ex... had a few dates with another guy and he has never made me feel that way once. Kind, open and straight forward. It has made me realise I've been picking idiots for a long long time, not just ex. You'll know when someone is worth your time... Edited November 11, 2016 by starswewillnavigate 1
starswewillnavigate Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 Ex is always in touch, but in a very limited way... Until today where he was hinting at meeting up. He'd never outright ask to, but hints enough to try and get me back in the game. I've longed for him so much, been waiting for the conversation to turn to this, my heart was racing, excited at the prospect I could get to see him and... I suddenly felt guilty about the guy I've had a few dates with. We've not talked about exclusivity but I really respect him and I would hate if this was him in this situation, contemplating seeing an ex. Am I over ex? Probably not, I still miss him and still want to see him but it's no an all consuming hope it once was.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 If my "ex" was smart, he would lay off me. Never speak of this and allow me to never have to run into this online, offline or anywhere because I can assure you, if he wants to see me.. It will be through clear class or sitting at a wired table. If you don't want to tell me, know I will find out myself. I don't care why. I care who and that is all I need to know!
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 For every thing I read .. I will get my closure! Fabio, and all else who were amused by this. In the end, I will have my closure.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 I have already won in many ways. I don't care about you nearly as much as you think I do and you dont' know me..
CalliopeToNone Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 So much backstory--suffice it to say I have been emotionally checked out of my 22 year marriage for a few years. Over the summer we discussed a sort of "don't ask, don't tell" where he does his thing and I do mine, staying together for the sake of the kids. But I seem to be having difficulty dealing with him being out, although it is not for wanting him back. Can't quite get my head around why I am upset. This feels so hard....
Deadmeat Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 What does - letting go - even mean? Does it mean - not thinking about them? Then that seems pretty ****ing redundant since there's always something that reminds me of her...of us. Does it mean - fighting these thoughts? Then what happens when I'm literally mentally and physically fatigues of fighting? When I'm in a beautiful place all I think of is how much she would enjoy it. Or when I'm alone and I think about what she's dping at that point in time? Is she happy? I'm so sick of being sick and tired. I just want to give up. I just want my girl back. I wish I never met her.
Kelley Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Your ex wants to meet up it doesn't mean he wants the relationship back. Unless he is saying lets give things another try and is proving to you he really wants to work things out, take it with a pinch of salt. As for the new guy would you really want to mess it up because of your ex playing games? Maybe your ex has a feeling there is someone new and he is trying to mess it up, so he can keep you hanging on? Really think this through don't let your feelings cloud your judgement. Ex is always in touch, but in a very limited way... Until today where he was hinting at meeting up. He'd never outright ask to, but hints enough to try and get me back in the game. I've longed for him so much, been waiting for the conversation to turn to this, my heart was racing, excited at the prospect I could get to see him and... I suddenly felt guilty about the guy I've had a few dates with. We've not talked about exclusivity but I really respect him and I would hate if this was him in this situation, contemplating seeing an ex. Am I over ex? Probably not, I still miss him and still want to see him but it's no an all consuming hope it once was.
Kelley Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Letting go means acceptance the relationship is over. Appreciate your ex for the lessons she taught you and make peace with the fact that she is no longer in your life. And every time you feel a little sad, send light and love her way. At one point, that person was the centre of your life; it's completely acceptable and understandable to feel sad and miss them sometimes. When you are ready to date the key is not to NEED a significant other in your life, but to desire one. I have filled my life with a lot of positive things and hobbies I didn't have time for before. I feel more me, and not dependant on my ex anymore. I always thought my ex was the one to make me happy, it's not true I'm the one that is responsible for my own happiness. Even in a relationship it's down to you. I have learned a lot from my ex, some bad, some good. I do love him and wish him well, but you need to accept it's over and the real healing starts. Don't obsess concentrate on your own life. What does - letting go - even mean? Does it mean - not thinking about them? Then that seems pretty ****ing redundant since there's always something that reminds me of her...of us. Does it mean - fighting these thoughts? Then what happens when I'm literally mentally and physically fatigues of fighting? When I'm in a beautiful place all I think of is how much she would enjoy it. Or when I'm alone and I think about what she's dping at that point in time? Is she happy? I'm so sick of being sick and tired. I just want to give up. I just want my girl back. I wish I never met her.
Kelley Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I know I haven't been here lots, I used to live here I'm doing really well, turned another corner. Keeping busy with my hobbies and seeing friends and I don't think about him as much these days. I feel more at peace no anxiety and I sleep well too! I have had no more contact from my ex I think he has finally accepted it's over. I accepted that a long time ago and it really helped me to move on and heal. The NC was a blessing for me and really helped a lot. It was really hard to start with but then gets easier. I know I still love him but there is not a lot I can do about that, time will deal with that. But I do wish him well if I ever feel a bit sad when he pops in my head. I did learn a lot from him and he changed me in a few positive ways, it wasn't all bad. I don't hate him, even though I was close on a lot of occasions, being cheated on is hard! I accepted the relationship was over, I didn't blame me for his cheating (he could have ended things anytime) and I know what red flags to look for in the future. I'm finally free of all those bad feelings, anxiety and sleepless nights. It's nice turning another corner but it has taken some work! Anyway I'm having a pamper day today, hair done and buying some new clothes. Then lunch with some friends. Being single isn't all that bad 2
Deadmeat Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I know I haven't been here lots, I used to live here I'm doing really well, turned another corner. Keeping busy with my hobbies and seeing friends and I don't think about him as much these days. I feel more at peace no anxiety and I sleep well too! I have had no more contact from my ex I think he has finally accepted it's over. I accepted that a long time ago and it really helped me to move on and heal. The NC was a blessing for me and really helped a lot. It was really hard to start with but then gets easier. I know I still love him but there is not a lot I can do about that, time will deal with that. But I do wish him well if I ever feel a bit sad when he pops in my head. I did learn a lot from him and he changed me in a few positive ways, it wasn't all bad. I don't hate him, even though I was close on a lot of occasions, being cheated on is hard! I accepted the relationship was over, I didn't blame me for his cheating (he could have ended things anytime) and I know what red flags to look for in the future. I'm finally free of all those bad feelings, anxiety and sleepless nights. It's nice turning another corner but it has taken some work! Anyway I'm having a pamper day today, hair done and buying some new clothes. Then lunch with some friends. Being single isn't all that bad Hey Kelley, I'm glad you're doing well. It makes me feel hopeful that I will feel that way as well one day. Ive always wondered how some people move on so quick and I'm still stuck in my rut months later. It sounds like you're really taking the time to take care of yourself. I made a promise to start doing that too even (especially) if I don't feel like it.
Deadmeat Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Letting go means acceptance the relationship is over. Appreciate your ex for the lessons she taught you and make peace with the fact that she is no longer in your life. And every time you feel a little sad, send light and love her way. At one point, that person was the centre of your life; it's completely acceptable and understandable to feel sad and miss them sometimes. When you are ready to date the key is not to NEED a significant other in your life, but to desire one. I have filled my life with a lot of positive things and hobbies I didn't have time for before. I feel more me, and not dependant on my ex anymore. I always thought my ex was the one to make me happy, it's not true I'm the one that is responsible for my own happiness. Even in a relationship it's down to you. I have learned a lot from my ex, some bad, some good. I do love him and wish him well, but you need to accept it's over and the real healing starts. Don't obsess concentrate on your own life. Hmm...I've heard and read that saying...acceptance. they say it like it's a choice. Like you just say to yourself "I accept" and it magically changes your perspective. I think I may just be too analytical for my own good. Believe me, I want to just accept and move on. I don't like feeling like this. How can I do that though? Do I just let the emotions run its course? I don mean to sound so cynical. I'm just depressed and I thought I was getting better. The reminders too. It's like the universe is playing some sick joke on me. 1
NopeNah Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Hmm...I've heard and read that saying...acceptance. they say it like it's a choice. Like you just say to yourself "I accept" and it magically changes your perspective. I think I may just be too analytical for my own good. Believe me, I want to just accept and move on. I don't like feeling like this. How can I do that though? Do I just let the emotions run its course? I don mean to sound so cynical. I'm just depressed and I thought I was getting better. The reminders too. It's like the universe is playing some sick joke on me. Yes ..let your emotions run their course but,don't dwell on them. If you won the largest lottery in history.. had yachts,planes,mansions,ect... Do you think you would still be dwelling about your ex? You might not have the planes,homes,ect but, know that you have your freedom to now live and make healthy/positive choices to better yourself for you and your future. 1
Kelley Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 You have to work through your emotions, feel them and let them out. I started a journal, wrote e-mails I never sent. It was a way of releasing the anger especially and I got to a point where I felt better, accepted what happened and just let it go. It's all part of feeling those feelings and not dwelling in them. Also if you keep going over the relationship in your head, time and time again you will never moved forward. Coming to terms with the end of a relationship is a very freeing experience. It means you’re no longer fighting to keep things alive or struggling to understand what happened. Concentrate on you, work through those feelings and you will get there. This newfound sense of freedom will come with a surge of positive emotions – potentially even greater levels of energy – and it will allow you to make plans for what you’re going to do next. Hmm...I've heard and read that saying...acceptance. they say it like it's a choice. Like you just say to yourself "I accept" and it magically changes your perspective. I think I may just be too analytical for my own good. Believe me, I want to just accept and move on. I don't like feeling like this. How can I do that though? Do I just let the emotions run its course? I don mean to sound so cynical. I'm just depressed and I thought I was getting better. The reminders too. It's like the universe is playing some sick joke on me.
Wuku Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Acceptance is just one of the steps on the way to healing. It doesn't mean you have no feelings about anything anymore. I have accepted we will never be together, and it does feel like a weight is lifted from you. But, that doesn't change the fact that I miss her, and still even love her. I don't know if that will ever change, but I expect with time it will lessen. I'm much happier than I was 11 months ago, but I'm still unhappy that we are apart. I just accept there is nothing I can do about it, and that that door is firmly closed. I'm trying not to dwell on missing her though. I can get stuck thinking about her, and end up bringing myself down, so I have to be tough, ignore it and move on to something else. Acceptance helps, but it doesn't cure, at least not for me. 2
Logo Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 This past week I thought of showing up unannounced at her doorstep. "What's the worst that could happen?" I thought to myself. I felt reckless. I just wanted to see her eyes. Would I feel the same if I did, or would I be disappointed and cause myself excruciating pain? I miss looking into her eyes and feeling my heart tingle with happiness. It's as though the dream is over. I lived a beautiful dream with her. The dream is over and this is reality. It's setting in. It's painful. It's scary. It's unsettling. It's confusing. I'm sleep walking and it's cold. I want to forgive her for my own sake, at least. But I can't bring myself to accept forgiveness, not after the way she treated me and what she did behind my back. I can't. My heart yearns for her, for the person I used to know, not the one she had become. I hope one day soon I will be able to forgive. I don't want to carry this with me. 2
DarrenB Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 She had intercourse with someone of whom she knew for two weeks, at her house party she had... whilst her parents were there. Her parents, the same people who had told me 'We want to protect our daughter from getting her feelings hurt', so that means allowing her to do things like that AT 16? bare in mind this fella is a friend of mine. Looks like I have a meeting with a 'friend' this afternoon.
Deadmeat Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 She had intercourse with someone of whom she knew for two weeks, at her house party she had... whilst her parents were there. Her parents, the same people who had told me 'We want to protect our daughter from getting her feelings hurt', so that means allowing her to do things like that AT 16? bare in mind this fella is a friend of mine. Looks like I have a meeting with a 'friend' this afternoon. I am really sorry Darren. I know how much this hurts, believe me. You will not find any solace by "meeting" with this friend. Two things are at play here: 1) She is not your gf anymore and therefore have no more say with what she does with who she does it with. 2) He is not your friend. If he knew of how strongly this bream up was affecting you, a true friend would not do this. I'm sorry, I know your initial flight or fight responses are dictating your actions right now. You're a smart young fella. Think this over. You will not gain anything from this meeting. You will not gain anything by knowing. Focus on your healing and move forward. From one broken heart to another, please reconsider.
RyanO1991 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 She had intercourse with someone of whom she knew for two weeks, at her house party she had... whilst her parents were there. Her parents, the same people who had told me 'We want to protect our daughter from getting her feelings hurt', so that means allowing her to do things like that AT 16? bare in mind this fella is a friend of mine. Looks like I have a meeting with a 'friend' this afternoon. Absolutely gutted to hear this, Darren. This is the last thing you needed. Maybe treat it is a reminder of just how much she's changed. The old her is gone. It's really hard, but stay strong. Let me know if you want to talk.
DarrenB Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I am really sorry Darren. I know how much this hurts, believe me. You will not find any solace by "meeting" with this friend. Two things are at play here: 1) She is not your gf anymore and therefore have no more say with what she does with who she does it with. 2) He is not your friend. If he knew of how strongly this bream up was affecting you, a true friend would not do this. I'm sorry, I know your initial flight or fight responses are dictating your actions right now. You're a smart young fella. Think this over. You will not gain anything from this meeting. You will not gain anything by knowing. Focus on your healing and move forward. From one broken heart to another, please reconsider. It's alright, no commiserations necessary. I guess I should have known the inevitable was always going to catch up with me at some point. Unfortunately alot harsher than I could have ever imagined. Even though initially my mind was perplexed and I wanted nothing more than to inflict pain and suffering onto someone else for once instead of it happening to me, I thought it over and things turned out differently upon meeting. I met up with him 2 hours ago, just questioned as to why? just why? he gave his response/s. He even said he knew it was betrayal but 'couldn't help himself'. I told him to remain vacant from my life and to never get in touch with me, to treat her well and to not use her like a piece of meat. I left. Just the fact how her parents were so abrupt in saying that 'she needs to focus on her exams' 'there is no way we will allow or tolerate her to have a boyfriend', and then they're allowing her to have house parties on her school weekdays and have boys stay over who are under the influence of alcohol. Bare in mind, she did allllllll of this before she met me as well, and she hated it apparently. Also how she just discards me and quickly jumps into bed with someone of whom she barely even knows. Ah. I don't know anymore. It's a poisonous dagger to the open wound. Crazy how some of us can still be so emotionally attached to them, but we no longer exist in their world. Anyhoo, enough of my pain and suffering. How are you doing? how was the casino? Feel free to pm me. Some things are better left confidential.
DarrenB Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Absolutely gutted to hear this, Darren. This is the last thing you needed. Maybe treat it is a reminder of just how much she's changed. The old her is gone. It's really hard, but stay strong. Let me know if you want to talk. Again, I appreciate the commiserations but none of it is necessary. I guess in some strange way, I deserve this for still being so emotionally attached to someone who doesn't feel the same way. Explaining... Is it even worth it anymore? Shame how much you destroy yourself for someone who uses you for their own experience. Sigh. And again, away from myself and my predicaments, how are you? how's the volunteering doing? And I may just take you up on that offer later, thanks.
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