Kelley Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 What is the ex saying that is making you hold on? As for the dates, enjoy them the guy wouldn't be seeing you if he didn't like you. Don't worry about the future, enjoy the moment. I wish I was in the right place to date, looking forward to that :-) Well I had a couple more dates with that guy I saw the other week and it's lovely enjoying spending time with someone who wants to be with me. But always that feeling of something is going to go wrong, so I'm holding back emotionally and enjoying each date as if it's our only one. Ex is still there, still messaging. NC won't happen, but it needs to just die off otherwise we are going to keep in this loop. I had a dream where we met and I told him not to contact me again... but I think that's the problem, I do want to see him again, whether I would say it or not is another matter.
Kelley Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 You are just feeling a bit insecure, when you are stronger you won't need to touch base. I think it's a lonely place to be initially when your relationship ends. I know I have felt lonely but I'm learning to be OK with that, and filling my time with new things. Failed at NC with ex... I still want to know he's "there", even though he's not really and doesn't have much interest in me apart from touching base.
Kelley Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Thanks Ryan, I think I'm just wanting this to end now, and trying anything to rush the process. I have been hurt a lot I need time to recover I know that. Hopefully this will be the first and last time I'm cheated on and discarded like rubbish. It's natural. It's like bring stuck in a hole, climbing out and seeing freedom in the distance. You walk towards it and end up falling into another hole that you have to climb out of. It's frustrating and it can feel like you're getting nowhere, but every hole can be climbed out of and eventually there won't be any more holes to fall into.
RyanO1991 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Thanks Ryan, I think I'm just wanting this to end now, and trying anything to rush the process. I have been hurt a lot I need time to recover I know that. Hopefully this will be the first and last time I'm cheated on and discarded like rubbish. I think once we're cheated on, we'll be better at spotting signs that something isn't right. Personally, I've learnt to be more assertive and self-respectful. There are lots of decent people out there. Maybe one day soon or in the future, there will be a single person or event that will just send the hurt away for good. 1
BevGB Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Day 15 of NC/LC. It's been hell. Still hurts like day one. I can't tell how he feels. I've seen him seem maybe jealous for no good reason. Why be jealous if you're emotionally unavailable anyway? Co worker tells me he seems very sad and needs someone in his life (co worker is new and has no idea we were together). I'm still hopefully we will get back together gain in time. Just wish I knew how he was really doing. I was his only friend and now I'm not around anymore. I miss him so much.
Kelley Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I had the best nights sleep I have had in a long time last night. To the day a month of NC and when he told me he was in a relationship with the woman he cheated on me with with. I dreamt about him last night too and I didn't wake up to tears and a heavy heart. Working so much on me and fighting those thoughts is really working. At the end of the day they are thoughts, the damage has been done they are just reminding me. I'm being more successful at stopping and challenging them I think that helps a lot. 7
NIGHT1985 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Amazing what a night of great sex with an energetic 19 year old can do for your confidence. Def the boost I've been needing lol
Logo Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) When I look at eligible women, I still compare their smiles and eyes to my ex. I'm probably not there yet. I think I need more time. I joke and laugh and feel much better than I did a week after the breakup. NC has helped, immensely. But, I still feel down. When I was with her, I felt like I could do anything, move mountains. I had a lot of energy. I either feel drained because of the post-breakup rumination and analysis and all the what ifs, or I'm just a bit depressed. Add to that the fact that I hate winter and the cold weather. One day at a time? I have so much I need to get done, but I either postpone or do it in stages, in small increments. Edited October 30, 2016 by Logo
keiji Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) I find myself missing my ex-g today, which hadn't happened in a long, long time. It's been completely unexpected, although it's now more or less a year since she said she'd had enough. Perhaps I loved her more than I'm willing to admit, or perhaps it's just my subconscious reminding me that she left around these dates. I guess I'll start getting ready for another pitfall in January. It was then that we met for the last time and she said, "I still love you and care about you, but I'll never forgive you for breaking up with me on my birthday". Well, she said that and also that she'd been sleeping with someone else for like a month. Painful memories for sure, although I deserved it. Maybe she was a tad too cruel by giving me details I didn't need to know, but she was probably entitled to a little revenge. The fact that I may never see her again doesn't help, I guess. But what could I say if I did, anyway? Edited October 30, 2016 by keiji
Logo Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul - William Ernest Henley -
Deadmeat Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I went a date last night. The date went well as far as first dates are concerned. We connected deeply, held hands and we kissed when I dropped her off at the car. Felt pretty natural. The ex was never really on my mind as I wanted to focus on the date alone. Woke up this morning with an anxiety attack. I was thinking about my ex and our first date. Then I was thinking about my ex and her going on dates and I couldn't breath. I felt suffocated. Is this normal? Gosh, I hope I don't have to deal with this every time I go on dates.
NopeNah Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Clean house,beer(s),BBQ and football...That's how I'm 'coping' today. Life goes on! 1
Kelley Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Maybe you are not ready to date yet? Dating shouldn't be making you feel worse surely? I went a date last night. The date went well as far as first dates are concerned. We connected deeply, held hands and we kissed when I dropped her off at the car. Felt pretty natural. The ex was never really on my mind as I wanted to focus on the date alone. Woke up this morning with an anxiety attack. I was thinking about my ex and our first date. Then I was thinking about my ex and her going on dates and I couldn't breath. I felt suffocated. Is this normal? Gosh, I hope I don't have to deal with this every time I go on dates.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) I am doing so much better. I am for the most part NC with the od one that has slipped through. I feel better today then I have in many years. I am here at my son's swimming, doing my homework and preparing for a test tomorrow. This weekend has gone great. I did a fitness class on Friday then swam. I went riding yesterday morning and stopped off at the gym for a tan. I did a pilate video after I finished my house work. I took my dog for a nice walk with a rain jacket on both of us. That attracted some nice conversations on the trails. I really feel like I need to be alone now. I unpacked all my working gear (sat in boxes for months) and have organized my front hall. I have two boots on the high shelf. One is steel toe and the other are my winter ski boots. I will be using both. I am going to spend the next little while, working and finishing my school. I do have moments of anxiety but that is only when I find something that shows he's still around. That he's back to watch more and more insults. I decided to just block them and give myself a long time without anything relating to the relationship. In time Ill get my grove back! I also know that he left twice and there will only be a third time. I remind myself of this and have found myself around people I do like again. I joined a more suitable gym and I now that the time will come, a man will be in front of me and I will not want to say no. Until that day comes, I have no issue with saying no. I am fine alone. Edited October 30, 2016 by Cheryl11111111111111 2
RyanO1991 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) Back in the dating game again, which feels great. Been talking to a really nice lady who lives very close, but I guess I'm still feeling insecure about myself. Frustrated that my ex has made me lose so much confidence in myself and my appearance, but she hasn't actually been on my mind at all recently. Probably doesn't help that I'm waiting for my hair to grow back to the way it was after surgery last month. But what will be will be. So far so good so must be doing something right. Edited October 30, 2016 by RyanO1991 3
Kelley Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Really pleased to read this, your confidence will grow as you continue on the road of dating. I think you come across as a great guy, it will come across to other women too, forget the ex it was her loss and another women's gain Back in the dating game again, which feels great. Been talking to a really nice lady who lives very close, but I guess I'm still feeling insecure about myself. Frustrated that my ex has made me lose so much confidence in myself and my appearance, but she hasn't actually been on my mind at all recently. Probably doesn't help that I'm waiting for my hair to grow back to the way it was after surgery last month. But what will be will be. So far so good so must be doing something right.
sherbmeister Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Hi guys, as I promised, I'm back to post an update to my situation. I'm in a new relationship with an awesome girl! I really like her and shes giving me everything I needed to get over this, I'm happy and nearly in love. It's possible and it can be done, get at it, fix yourself, get yourself up and start loving again! Hope you all have a fast recovery aswell! Cheers and thanks for all the support I've recieved on this forum! 1
Logo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Hi guys, as I promised, I'm back to post an update to my situation. I'm in a new relationship with an awesome girl! I really like her and shes giving me everything I needed to get over this, I'm happy and nearly in love. It's possible and it can be done, get at it, fix yourself, get yourself up and start loving again! Hope you all have a fast recovery aswell! Cheers and thanks for all the support I've recieved on this forum! How did you meet? Where?
sherbmeister Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 How did you meet? Where? I just dated for a few weeks, tried with 5 girls, this one stook around. I'm back on track and I don't care what the ex is doing at this point, it's like void when I think about her, indiference, because my current gf helped me get over it and it feels good! 2
RyanO1991 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Really pleased to read this, your confidence will grow as you continue on the road of dating. I think you come across as a great guy, it will come across to other women too, forget the ex it was her loss and another women's gain Thanks, Kelley. Not sure how it will work out yet but whatever happens it's definitely building my confidence.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I am not ready to date yet. I might be but it would have to be with someone who a mutual attraction and compatible connection takes place naturally without any of the previous men present. I also feel very sick at the thought of the last man and want to forget him completely for my own health and sanity but he can't accept that I don't need him. That's his problem, he insists I need him in my life and tells me I am empty without him. I puke sometimes at the thought of this. I wasn't well and went off online but I was not speaking to him. He had me catfished and tells me things like "you will be tossed aside, I have a need to be with women you can't compete with and you need to go find someone to be your one and only" and they are everywhere if I am not careful telling me to date and forget him. I am pretty sure he can just leave and I'll forget him. I try to tell myself, wrong person, wrong time and give myself the time to sort out my future. I've never been so happy as a parent now that I can see the results. I am enjoying the time with my son and quite frankly, we are better without some random man in our life. I am content seeking jobs and making money for the next few months. By the time my expected cheque comes in then I'll have earned a savings and I have a plan to make life .. My choice!
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I think I am just to nice by moving on and not saying anything. If I am in a relationship, find success or anything then believe you me, he wouldn't know about it. I guess I am addicted to lying so nothing I say would be believed. I am not saying this but to him the only words left for me to say is "I am **** compared to you, your the best thing that I never had an I need to work hard and forget about you because I am no where near the women you need and deserve" I have a lot of insight on this but I chose not to discuss with anyone. I tried to be nice but it was mistaken for "let him go" the guy isn't in my life so why is he still talking to me and yes I am blocking.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I guess panick attacks, depression and hospital visits weren't enough for him. I think he wanted me to disappear but now I am questioning where he wanted my disappearance to be .. It doesn't seem like a healthy wish for my well being. If the man even wanted me to move on and find happiness, he'd just leave without a trace himself.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 The only thing that makes sense to me because he's asking me to block him, is that I block him and move on so he can leave. If he just leaves or fades me out then it would be more damaging then the past three years. If you guys only knew what he did to me. I am almost certain that I've been dumped on that website and the only thing to do is let us leave with an agreement to disagree and that's it. I'll walk away with far more dignity. 1
Kelley Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Do it for you, time for the drama to end and go NC. You owe it to yourself! The only thing that makes sense to me because he's asking me to block him, is that I block him and move on so he can leave. If he just leaves or fades me out then it would be more damaging then the past three years. If you guys only knew what he did to me. I am almost certain that I've been dumped on that website and the only thing to do is let us leave with an agreement to disagree and that's it. I'll walk away with far more dignity.
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