Logo Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Yo, listen people, I think this works the best, at least in my case. Whatever signal you're getting from the opposite sex, follow up on it and get a date and have fun. The more attention you get from other people, the more you'll forget about your ex. It's been almost three months of NC, last week I was still crying about it like a little pathetic b*tich, but I decided to give every single girl that even smiles at me, a chance, so I had sex with another person for the 1st time in 5 freaking years and it felt amazing! Went on three dates too and will prob get laid again this friday cause this other girl is coming over and I'm cooking! Woop woop! I feel great. Hope you all start realising that what you've lost, it's for the better, they lost you, you didn't lose anything! You're special! You look after yourself! Treat yourself as the best person on this planet. In these hard times, best is to be selfish! Stay strong! When you're going on dates, do you tell these women that you're still not over your ex? I would like to go on dates, but I don't see myself doing that just to get over my ex. I feel like that would be unfair to the person I'd be dating. And having sex with them would make me feel like I'm getting more involved with someone that I may not necessarily want to be with long term. It complicates things for me. I feel uneasy about it.
DarrenB Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 (edited) It's all about the gym and self-fulfillment at the moment. Muscles and body overall aching, but throughout this 2.5 month period I've seen alot of progress in myself. Haven't thought about her too much, had the couple of reminiscences of her laying on my chest, fast asleep during the night until early afternoon the next day, and so forth. It's hurting me thinking about it, but I'm feeling as though I'm really coming to terms with the loss of her now. Edited October 27, 2016 by DarrenB 1
Kelley Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 I'm not going to let this break up effect my life anymore. My happiness is not dependant on my ex, I'm responsible for my own happiness. Crikey he was a cheat and a scumbag why the hell should I be miserable about losing someone like that? Why should I feel pain over it? Why should I suffer with anxiety when he has moved on scott free! I'm a great person, any decent man that took the time to get to know me could see that. I deserve so much better. So that's it, no more feeling sorry for myself, no more letting my sadness keep me from doing what I want to do! Sure I will get bad days still, but I will charge through it. I'm done grieving over a relationship that was a lie, and the man I loved was a lie. I see my ex for what he is now through his actions not his words. You should try it, don't think about what he/she said, the e-mails, the text messages, but his actions! You will see pretty quickly the real person when you take a step back. I forgive myself for falling for the scumbag, no more wasted time, I'm living my life without the cloud of him over me! 1
sherbmeister Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 When you're going on dates, do you tell these women that you're still not over your ex? I would like to go on dates, but I don't see myself doing that just to get over my ex. I feel like that would be unfair to the person I'd be dating. And having sex with them would make me feel like I'm getting more involved with someone that I may not necessarily want to be with long term. It complicates things for me. I feel uneasy about it. No way, you should not even think about your ex during that time and you should NEVEr talk about your ex while on a date, if the date asks, keep it simple and short and change subject. Also you don't have to have sex, just going on a date is great! It makes you feel better about yourself and no, you're not using anyone, the person whos going out with you is a mature person. You are just two grown adults that go out to have fun, there doesnt have to be any complicated involvements. When I had sex it wasn't something like "hey we're in a relationship now" we just had fun, its all about fun and feeling better about yourself. The other person feel better about themselves aswell when you go on the date with them, because we're all human and we need attention, positive atention and just by telling a person that He/She is beautiful, it will make them smile on spot. Try it, don't crumble about what will your ex think, its not about your ex, its about you and your well being. I feel so good and happy, really, this is great and I might think about my ex from time to time, but I'm not gonna sit around and cry or be depressed about it, I love life, I love living and going out with new people. Be strong!
sherbmeister Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 (edited) Not normally the way I'd think about it, but anything suffices at this point right? Glad you're overcoming it in your own ways; taking matters into your own hands, and manlihood Keep doing you bro! Great progress. Thanks man, hope you're getting better too. Listen, don't dwell too much on it, the sooner you realise its really over and you're never getting your ex back, the better for your well being. What woke me up was seeing her having fun with other people while I was being miserable. Why should I suffer for that person when she doesn't even think about it? I'm more important, I need to take care of myself not think about someone who basically threw me away. Think about it, long and hard and come to my conclusion You're more important to yourself than anyone else in this world. You need to really LOVe yourself, I know its cliche, but thats the truth. For everybody to cheer up: Edited October 27, 2016 by sherbmeister 1
evanop Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Broken up for 1 month, NC for 2 weeks. So, I woke up to an email from him. Telling me that he has not been with anyone else and that he is not going to until we 'reunite' in 1,5 months (we were long distance when he broke up and he was always going to come back to move here permanently). I am confused. Do we still have a chance? Going on vacation today to clear my head. 1
ashbash88 Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Its been a little over a month since the break up. Today will be day two of truly no contact. We haven't talked much since the break up but his family has contacted me a lot throughout the month. We were together two years and his reasoning for ending things was to focus on himself and he wanted to be selfish (his words not mine). We talked this week and he continued to give me the run around about "we will see what happens", it was good to finally say NO, that's not fair or right. It hasn't hit him yet like it has me, but in due time it will. I am on the right steps to healing. What helps me is writing in my journal, exercising, and creating new goals and dreams for myself. One thing I remember is that overall we had a great relationship and I have done everything I can and I know that there is nothing I will have to apologize for or explain to him in the future. Remember: The love and care that you gave that other person but they didn't reciprocate it will come full circle for you. You're going to get the love that you deserve. It might not be with the person that you wanted, but something better is coming. Don't lose hope xx 2
DarrenB Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Ex couldn't be more childish and naive for her age if she even tried. Getting her friends and mutual friends of the both of us to send me screenshots of conversations she's having with multiple 'little boys', telling me how she's been belittling me and enjoying the single life and flirting with anyone she wants without having to be 'tied down to one'. Oh my goodness, the list goes on. I've had to block out atleast 10 people the last day because of this. What on earth are people doing with their petty lives? I'm 18, I'm over all these childish escapades, I don't care what you do anymore. Let me just remind you that you were the one who begged me to help you for over a year to overcome all the mistakes you had previously made, to motivate you out of the sl***y ways of which you were so into. So be it, continue doing so, and be treated like an imbecile again. I don't need to waste my time and effort and breathe and words on some immature girl who can't get her life on track and focus on what actually matters. Goodness me, that's annoyed me. Better I say it on here though than anywhere else right. Gr.
Deadmeat Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 It's been 2 months since I've seen my ex. She was my first love. Im a little late in comparison. I've had small flings here and there but my last ex was the one I thought I really loved. I've experienced all the stages of grief and I transition from anger and depression in the past few days. I was just thinking of how tragic things are when I think about them. That purity in love is gone. I came in this relationship with the idea that my search was done. After years of no attachments with different women, I had finally found one I was going to settle down with. That was not to be the case. So tragic that I don't think I'll be able to get in another relationship without being guarded. I won't get into another relationship that has my ex's qualities both good and bad. Tragic how I'll probably never speak to, hug, kiss and stare into her eyes again. I'm not even really mad anymore. I'm just mostay sad and depressed that my best friend is gone. The nightly phone calls are gone. Going to church, gym, shopping, and activities are all solo now. I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with her. I felt settled. Tragic. That would be one word to summarize this whole experience so far. 1
Logo Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 It's been 2 months since I've seen my ex. She was my first love. Im a little late in comparison. I've had small flings here and there but my last ex was the one I thought I really loved. I've experienced all the stages of grief and I transition from anger and depression in the past few days. I was just thinking of how tragic things are when I think about them. That purity in love is gone. I came in this relationship with the idea that my search was done. After years of no attachments with different women, I had finally found one I was going to settle down with. That was not to be the case. So tragic that I don't think I'll be able to get in another relationship without being guarded. I won't get into another relationship that has my ex's qualities both good and bad. Tragic how I'll probably never speak to, hug, kiss and stare into her eyes again. I'm not even really mad anymore. I'm just mostay sad and depressed that my best friend is gone. The nightly phone calls are gone. Going to church, gym, shopping, and activities are all solo now. I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with her. I felt settled. Tragic. That would be one word to summarize this whole experience so far. Give your heart and your mind the time and the space to feel these feelings. But, keep yourself occupied and busy, stay distracted. Whatever it takes.
Kelley Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I have actually had a good few days! Feeling stronger in my mind, not feeling as anxious it's all going in the right direction! NC is really making a difference, and I'm glad I have stuck to it, even though it felt like a living hell at times! I'm no longer relating my happiness to my ex or any person for that matter, it's down to me. I have a way to go before I'm fully healed but I have definitely turned a corner. Sure it burns sometimes if my mind wanders to my ex and her, but I say to myself I have had a lucky escape and they deserve each other! I do miss the companionship though, even though it's just me and Cooper (my dog) I do wish sometimes I was one of those couples walking a long holding hands and chatting. I know I'm not ready but it's something I miss, one day hey! 1
Zuur Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 For the people that don;t know my story: gogo check it out and leave your opinion. TL;DR had short LDR, messed up, lost her, was destroyed and emotionally grounded ( lost my job, friends in the process) now 2 years later, i am in a much better place, good job, own house, friends, healthy , family, only thought about her briefly once in two months or something. But due to a weird (bit freaky) coincidence, i was reminded of her, looked her up. saw pictures, contacted her, got hit with the " F*ck off i don't have time for your sh*t, i'm gonna get married" sentence ( guess she still likes me ) and here i am, wondering where it all went wrong.
Deadmeat Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I would have given you the world. You still would have rejected it. 2
NIGHT1985 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Halloween weekend...last year my ex and our 2 mutual friends spent it together playing board games and watching horror movies... and now her new guy has basically taken my place, not only having her, but our mutual friends... so much can change so fast 3
sorano Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 It's all about the gym and self-fulfillment at the moment. Muscles and body overall aching, but throughout this 2.5 month period I've seen alot of progress in myself. Haven't thought about her too much, had the couple of reminiscences of her laying on my chest, fast asleep during the night until early afternoon the next day, and so forth. It's hurting me thinking about it, but I'm feeling as though I'm really coming to terms with the loss of her now. The gym has been my therapy since I was 18. I am 34 now. It saved my life. It will always be there for me. 2
sorano Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I would have given you the world. You still would have rejected it. I can relate!!! 1
Logo Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Today I reached the point of no return. It's a new theory or feeling of mine. It happens when the cons of being back with your ex outweigh the pros of the healing you've achieved so far. I am now feeling closer and closer to being at peace with myself, glad that I made the decision to leave her and move on, glad that I found out - relatively speaking -- early on who she is and decided to leave the cheater behind. I have reached the point of no return. And it feels good. I feel less stressed out. She gave me a lot of anxiety with her unpredictable and impulsive behaviors. One day she'd ask if we could do this or that and the next she's just not feeling up to it. Once you reach the PNR, you forge ahead, full steam ahead. She goes into the 'Ancient History' folder. And you start working on finding someone who you truly deserve. That's how I feel today. 3
Kelley Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 It's crazy how you head almost keeps in a 'detective' mode. Analysing every thing he said and did, trying to work out what went wrong. It keeps trying to drag me down the route of thinking of them together, what they are up to this very minute! It's like I haven't been through enough without dragging it all back up again! I read somewhere that the brain as well as keeping us alive is there to keep us safe. So all this analysing is trying to work things out to protect us. It's doing a good thing even though it's causing pain. So what I do is challenge everything, agree he is a scumbag, won't do that again etc. I'm hoping my brain will soon get the message. I have passed missing him, not sure about loving (I believe he never loved me) but the overanalysing is a killer, it's keeping me in limbo but I keep fighting back! 1
evanop Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 He went on a date. He told me. He said it was sh*tty and they had no chemistry. Says he loves me but is unhappy with himself. Will be back to meet me soon, and to 'talk'. But doesn't have much going for him, it seems. I don't feel good about things. We talked about spending Christmas together. I feel terrible. I miss him so much.
starswewillnavigate Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 It's crazy how you head almost keeps in a 'detective' mode. Analysing every thing he said and did, trying to work out what went wrong. It keeps trying to drag me down the route of thinking of them together, what they are up to this very minute! It's like I haven't been through enough without dragging it all back up again! I read somewhere that the brain as well as keeping us alive is there to keep us safe. So all this analysing is trying to work things out to protect us. It's doing a good thing even though it's causing pain. So what I do is challenge everything, agree he is a scumbag, won't do that again etc. I'm hoping my brain will soon get the message. I have passed missing him, not sure about loving (I believe he never loved me) but the overanalysing is a killer, it's keeping me in limbo but I keep fighting back! Kelley, I know that feeling well! The thing is, you didn't do anything wrong, it was him. He made the choice to cheat, it wasn't because of anything you did/n't do, it's because he could and acted on the impulse. 1
starswewillnavigate Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Failed at NC with ex... I still want to know he's "there", even though he's not really and doesn't have much interest in me apart from touching base.
Kelley Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I wish my brain would get the message How are you getting on? Kelley, I know that feeling well! The thing is, you didn't do anything wrong, it was him. He made the choice to cheat, it wasn't because of anything you did/n't do, it's because he could and acted on the impulse.
starswewillnavigate Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I wish my brain would get the message How are you getting on? Well I had a couple more dates with that guy I saw the other week and it's lovely enjoying spending time with someone who wants to be with me. But always that feeling of something is going to go wrong, so I'm holding back emotionally and enjoying each date as if it's our only one. Ex is still there, still messaging. NC won't happen, but it needs to just die off otherwise we are going to keep in this loop. I had a dream where we met and I told him not to contact me again... but I think that's the problem, I do want to see him again, whether I would say it or not is another matter. 1
RyanO1991 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I wish my brain would get the message How are you getting on? It's natural. It's like bring stuck in a hole, climbing out and seeing freedom in the distance. You walk towards it and end up falling into another hole that you have to climb out of. It's frustrating and it can feel like you're getting nowhere, but every hole can be climbed out of and eventually there won't be any more holes to fall into. 1
RyanO1991 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Well I had a couple more dates with that guy I saw the other week and it's lovely enjoying spending time with someone who wants to be with me. But always that feeling of something is going to go wrong, so I'm holding back emotionally and enjoying each date as if it's our only one. Ex is still there, still messaging. NC won't happen, but it needs to just die off otherwise we are going to keep in this loop. I had a dream where we met and I told him not to contact me again... but I think that's the problem, I do want to see him again, whether I would say it or not is another matter. Do you want to see the new him or the old him? They're probably two very different people.
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