How are you coping today?

[sherbmeister]

Coping very poorly. Its been just over a month and I don't feel like I've really progressed at all aside from I've stopped counting how many days its been since the break up daily to myself. Still have brief periods of crying daily when random thoughts of him pop into my head. I feel so alone but the thought of dating right now repulses me.

 

even the fact that you stopped counting days, is progress. Stay strong, you'll be fine! And no, don't date yet if you can't do it, I had to wait at least two months before I could think about doing it.

[freebird31]

still have a lot to learn and more to grow. But I shouldn't forget about the progress that I have made over the last few years. I think what has helped my life immensely over this last year was getting in touch with more hobbies and interests and my career goals. Just keeping busy and doing things that help me grow and challenge me have made a difference in my life. I didn't realize it then but that is what Kees me going and keeps me sane. I rarely get lonely. Also I have been going out more and spending more time with my friends. I rarely stay at home and just watch movies. I am always moving always doing something. Unlike before when I would spend most nights in and it would lead to this lonely feeling. Don't get me wrong I still get sad sometimes frustrated and anxious. But I have to remind myself of how far I have come. Every day is a productive day for me. I was looking at old posts from 3 years ago. And I remember always feeling lonely and unfulfilled. And just not occupied enough. I was always bored. And because of that I looked towards other people and boyfriends to fulfill that lonliness. I really do hope my next relationship is a healthy one. One where I can still live my own life while also having a life with my partner. My first love was a huge lesson in my life. I also would say that I am more mentally and emotionally stable these days. Lately if I do get anxiety or sad, I remind myself it's not the end of the world and it's surely a phase in my life that will pass. Just like all the other phases in my life that have passed as well. I'm a lot more centered these days. I feel like I got over a big huge bump no mountain in my life when I lost my BFF and also my first boyfriend both around the same time. I was lost. And it took me a while to find my way but eventually with time, it worked out. For the most part, any chance I get I take the time to appreciate what is right in front of me. And am grateful for all of the blessings because I know that it can be gone any second. I truly can say, even with the minor glitches from time to time and bumps in the road, I love life and I love my life. And I'm grateful for the things I have. I do not mourn for the things I have losses any longer, I do get sad from time to time, but never do I mourn. I have accepted those people are a part of my past now. And there's too many good things to look forward to to be looking backwards.

[RyanO1991]

I have no idea what happened. But, yesterday I suffered a major setback, see my last post on this thread.

 

Today I walked in to work feeling lousy. I was thinking about her the entire day whenever I wasn't super busy and distracted. Then when I finished work, I felt very sad, sadder than I did the entire week last week. I don't know what's happening, but I'm feeling like something happened to me yesterday that set me back a lot. It's been almost a month and a half and I feel like I'm back to the three week mark. I don't get it.

 

Nice memories keep flashing in my head. Like in a movie, a scene here, a scene there.

 

I miss her so much. Just yesterday morning and the entire weekend I was angry at her. Now I feel like I just want to hug her.

 

And as I'm writing this, I'm thinking of the last day when we saw each other, the day the relationship ended. I'm getting angry at her again for what she did and how indifferent she was that day.

 

Sorry I'm sharing too much information, but I haven't had sex since we split up. And I haven't even "cleaned the pipes" since then either. I just didn't want to feel like I was single again, so I avoided it until this weekend. When I did it, I thought of us having sex. Maybe that's where the setback came from. I don't know anymore. It was definitely a nice ego boost when I had sex with my ex and I knew I was satisfying her. Now that I'm single, I feel like a teenager again. It depresses me. I feel like someone strapped me to an emotional roller coaster. What's going on? Am I alone in feeling this way, about sex and everything else, the affection, the touching, the kissing?

 

When all that is taken away from a person, suddenly being with a woman feels like a major accomplishment. I feel weird that I feel that way and that I'm thinking that way. I don't want to feel desperate. Yuk.

 

Don't worry, you're not the only one. I miss the intimacy with me ex too and it does feel like going back to square one. But I know that having maintained a successful long term relationship (both physically and emotionally) has given me a big confidence boost. I only realised this after the breakup when my ex said "maybe you'll meet someone else", to which I replied: "of course I'll meet someone else." It will happen, maybe in a week, maybe in a year. Who knows?

 

Stay strong. Use this as an opportunity to play the field and decide what you want in a partner.

Edited October 25, 2016 by RyanO1991

[Cheryl11111111111111]

Thank you all for writing. I appreciate it. I am just ending an online relationship with someone and I am going to miss him dearly!

 

 

I thank you for everything.

[NIGHT1985]

Who knew one set back could feel like this all happened yesterday.

 

Why can't I be normal? I know plenty of people that shake off a break up and move on just fine. Why do I feel like I NEED her, when she wants know existence of my being. The utter feeling of being pathetic won't go away

[sherbmeister]

Who knew one set back could feel like this all happened yesterday.

 

Why can't I be normal? I know plenty of people that shake off a break up and move on just fine. Why do I feel like I NEED her, when she wants know existence of my being. The utter feeling of being pathetic won't go away

 

Don't worry, you're not the only one. It's the same for me. It's like life is trying to play a poor taste joke on me, like, just now I was scrolling through facebook feed and I see this guy that tagged my ex in some pics. I don't even know the guy, nor have I seen him before and I don't have him in my list, I just instictively looked at this profile out of nowhere like wtf? (i have her on block btw)

 

Weird stuff!

[NopeNah]

Feel better today. Was up late by the fire pit having some beers,telling stories and laughing with my buddy. My ex actually called me as my friend and I were unloading my car. I almost didn't answer but, did. Naturally my breakup was a small part of the conversation with my buddy since its been so long talking to him. He confirmed my reasons for ending it were correct. We both agreed that my ex is a great person. Her and I are just not great for each other. He was quite surprised that I said " I just want her to be happy in life". Was a good time/talk. Time for round two today/night!!

Back to my Ex calling... She's called me EVERY day since Fri night! I don't want to be a 'dlck' and ingore her calls/texts but, they do kinda(?) set me back. I mean I ended things because of my personal issues/stress but, I do still miss and love her.. She even called this morning to "see how your day was going?".. My days don't really "go" a certain way,never have...pretty much 'rinse and repeat' the same day 3-6 days a week....ughhh.

[Kelley]

I just started reading this thread from page 1! All those people in agony after breaks up, that were written 2-3 years ago, I bet the are fine and in some cases in love again. It's funny how we heal eventually, and love again. Looking forward to someone reading my entries in a few years time, I wonder where I will be and whom with?

[sherbmeister]

I just started reading this thread from page 1! All those people in agony after breaks up, that were written 2-3 years ago, I bet the are fine and in some cases in love again. It's funny how we heal eventually, and love again. Looking forward to someone reading my entries in a few years time, I wonder where I will be and whom with?

 

Haha yeah, me2. I wish people from that period would come here and tell us their story after they healed. That'd be awesome. I'll surely do that, because it helps many people in pain if they read that kind of stuff

[sorano]

The worst feeling is when you go above and beyond for a person. You do the best you can. You try to be that perfect somebody. Fall in love with the person. The way he or she laughs or just moves makes you smile. Little things you find cute. You both say powerful words to each other. I love you. I miss you. I'm glad we cross paths.

 

Then out of the blue you get dumped. He or she changed and is not happy. But you still love that person. The feeling of being not chosen, is the worst. You aren't wanted and is not what they are looking for anymore. You feel betrayed. Used. You get angry and repeat over and over, what could I have done to change this. What if I did this this instead. How the hell did this even happen?

 

There is no set time on when we heal. It could take years or just months. All I keep telling myself is, nothing lasts forever. Pain, suffering, broken heart, diesease, whatever. One way or another it ends.

[Cheryl11111111111111]

Once upon a time, I had a dear friend Kj. A friend I would never have appreciated if I didn't go through what I went through and men like him are rare. Probably off married. I think about other men and the last one was just that. One man in many. With Kj, I lived in a motel room and I had a horrible job stripping. I had to really work hard to save my own life. I had days when I was discouraged and I didn't feel like I could do it. He would come over and drag me out of bed. He would say "What are you depressed for?" or something along those lines. He would pick at my sweat pants and hoodies and say a joke "Cheryl's too sick today, Cheryl just wants a coffee so Kj better take Cheryl to grab a coffee". I suffered and was very ill when the last once came along. He still manipulates me and writes to me online telling me to find better and assuming I haven't had better.

 

You do not realize it and I was suffering mentally and may have suffered some manipulation effects but for the most part he means nothing. He did nothing. It was all online. It was nothing but games. I would never do what he did to me to a healthy person let alone an ill one. He still writes diagnosing me and believes he has me down packed. He wasn't a friend. He is perfect for someone else. Being replaced isn't so hard but really stop idolizing your ex boyfriend. He and you have the exact same chance at finding ever after. That soul mate, passionate, your everything to me, I'll cry when I say I love you is hard to find. You have just as good of a chance finding it as he does. You have just as good of a chance at keeping it a life time so trust me - wait for the right guy. Your mind is tricking yourself. I am back in English. I suffered some trauma to my mind and have lost a lot of my health. I am back at school and in January will be doing English all over again. He told me once that I wouldn't want a man who pumped himself up for sex and he doesn't want someone stupid and deluded referring to the medications I am on. I am fine that he's gone, It pisses me off he still writes. He is blocked. I am blocked. We dislike each other but he still writes as though we met in person. It took me a while to realize, this guy doesn't even know me. I was online. He was online and he was just a bully.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Cheryl11111111111111

[Logo]

I was feeling better today. I kind of felt neutral.

[DarrenB]

It's the ex's milestone birthday VERY soon. Trying not to think about it so much and worry.

 

Decided to go to the gym and do some intensive training for 4 1/2 hours, to keep my mind at ease. Has worked fairly well, for now! haha.

 

Morning people, have a lovely day

[evanop]

Went on a date last night, the guy slept over, we cuddled and kissed. It felt good at the time. This morning I felt gross. One month after the break up, I am just not ready to be intimate with another person. I almost felt like I was cheating on my ex. I don't even like saying 'my ex'. It seems so unnatural.

Kissing this other guy just made me realize that nobody can ever replace my boyfriend. Nobody can. Our bodies were meant for each other. We are molded to complement each other. And now, on Day 11 of NC, I feel more close to him, more missing him, more wanting him, than EVER before.

 

I just hope he feels the same.

I won't call this guy again. Obviously. I just feel bad now.

I wish I wouldn't have gone on this date. I was not ready.

[Kelley]

It's just way too soon and that's why you think nobody will ever replace your ex. Give it time you will get there. I felt worse just a guy asking me out for a drink never mind cuddling and kissing. I know my ex is cuddling and kissing his new girlfriend, I try not to think about them doing something else! But you know what, I'm not rushing into anything I'm looking after me, If he is ready to do that, that is his decision, nothing to do with me. Take more time and look after you, don't worry about what your ex is up to. I know it's hard but it's just something we have to do.

 

 

Went on a date last night, the guy slept over, we cuddled and kissed. It felt good at the time. This morning I felt gross. One month after the break up, I am just not ready to be intimate with another person. I almost felt like I was cheating on my ex. I don't even like saying 'my ex'. It seems so unnatural.

Kissing this other guy just made me realize that nobody can ever replace my boyfriend. Nobody can. Our bodies were meant for each other. We are molded to complement each other. And now, on Day 11 of NC, I feel more close to him, more missing him, more wanting him, than EVER before.

 

I just hope he feels the same.

I won't call this guy again. Obviously. I just feel bad now.

I wish I wouldn't have gone on this date. I was not ready.

[Kelley]

I knew when I woke up this morning it was setting me up for a bad day. Knott in my stomach, as I dreamt about my ex and I couldn't even face eating this morning. After a couple of not so bad days, I guess it was due. That's a breakup, up and down, good and bad days. I'm still maintaining NC though, I think it's going on 4 weeks now, really trying not to count and just get through the days! I have had to endure seeing my ex once (he surprised me) and a letter, but it strengthens my belief that NC is the best way. You are so better off not knowing what their life is like, and just getting on with your own. I hope that as the day goes on I feel a bit better, but at least I know like everything else it will pass and nothing lasts forever. to you all going through the pain.

[broken95]

Its been 10 months trying to work through what happened. Spent my entire day in bed, forcing myself to sleep until 630pm. Wondering when ill ever be able to forgive and forget.

[starswewillnavigate]

I knew when I woke up this morning it was setting me up for a bad day. Knott in my stomach, as I dreamt about my ex and I couldn't even face eating this morning. After a couple of not so bad days, I guess it was due. That's a breakup, up and down, good and bad days. I'm still maintaining NC though, I think it's going on 4 weeks now, really trying not to count and just get through the days! I have had to endure seeing my ex once (he surprised me) and a letter, but it strengthens my belief that NC is the best way. You are so better off not knowing what their life is like, and just getting on with your own. I hope that as the day goes on I feel a bit better, but at least I know like everything else it will pass and nothing lasts forever. to you all going through the pain.

 

It is to be expected that it's up and down for you. How is your anxiety at the moment? When's your next yoga class?

 

You're doing so well with NC, I admire your strength.

[Kelley]

I get quite bad anxiety first thing, stays with me most the day but calms down a little. I haven't had another panic attack (touch wood). I'm actually going to yoga class tonight. As for NC, I think because I'm in so much pain that is my motivation, I want it to end so I can function properly again. Being in contact just keeps you stuck and I want this to go.

 

How are you getting on? Still in contact?

 

 

It is to be expected that it's up and down for you. How is your anxiety at the moment? When's your next yoga class?

 

You're doing so well with NC, I admire your strength.

[Sunnymae]

I'm coping by being selfish. I think about me what's best for me. Always asking myself is this in my best interest. Asking myself If contacting him could result in a positive outcome. Can I handle another round of rejection. I'm honest with myself, and most likely he'll not want to hear from me, or would he? Am I emotionally strong enough to handle rejection. Do I care about being rejected. I'm honest with myself. I look at it from an outsider looking in. What would I advise another person, I know I would say leave it alone. Being just friends hasn't worked out, because friends don't hurt each other. My dogs are my friends, my family are my friends, people I text on a regular basis, and text back. Not someone who ignores me, is dating others, and has no time to be friends with an ex. He is not a friend, he is not a FB he has no sexual desire or attraction towards me. Just gotta keep reminding myself. He just sends me breadcrumbs, in case he has an emergency and needs me. His words. There is nothing to hold on to.

[NIGHT1985]

It's crazy to think about. Why are we letting these people have so much of our time? I've wasted over 6 months being completed depressed. 6 months of my life I could of been out and enjoying life, but I couldn't, because this person isn't by my side... but why? She's happy and enjoying life with someone new, why can't I? Why can't I get rid of this anchor, she's never coming back, I want to find a way to be free again

[evanop]

It's just way too soon and that's why you think nobody will ever replace your ex. Give it time you will get there. I felt worse just a guy asking me out for a drink never mind cuddling and kissing. I know my ex is cuddling and kissing his new girlfriend, I try not to think about them doing something else! But you know what, I'm not rushing into anything I'm looking after me, If he is ready to do that, that is his decision, nothing to do with me. Take more time and look after you, don't worry about what your ex is up to. I know it's hard but it's just something we have to do.

 

I realize it is too soon.

Today was just a terrible day...

I wish I could just fast forward two months.

[sherbmeister]

Yo, listen people, I think this works the best, at least in my case. Whatever signal you're getting from the opposite sex, follow up on it and get a date and have fun. The more attention you get from other people, the more you'll forget about your ex. It's been almost three months of NC,

 

last week I was still crying about it like a little pathetic b*tich, but I decided to give every single girl that even smiles at me, a chance,

 

so I had sex with another person for the 1st time in 5 freaking years and it felt amazing! Went on three dates too and will prob get laid again this friday cause this other girl is coming over and I'm cooking!

 

Woop woop! I feel great. Hope you all start realising that what you've lost, it's for the better, they lost you, you didn't lose anything! You're special! You look after yourself!

 

Treat yourself as the best person on this planet. In these hard times, best is to be selfish!

 

Stay strong!

[DarrenB]

 

Stay strong!

 

Not normally the way I'd think about it, but anything suffices at this point right?

 

Glad you're overcoming it in your own ways; taking matters into your own hands, and manlihood

 

Keep doing you bro! Great progress.

[Bialy]

I'm doing okay. Pretty good. I have a 4th date on Saturday. If it goes well, I'll invite him to my apartment after our hike. Things have been going really well so far. We have a lot in common.