Kelley Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Just have some fun on the date, it's great for your confidence too. I really wish you could find the strength to go NC. It took everything I had, but it really does help believe it or not. Don't let him control you, remember your actions are from a weak place at the moment, the strong you would never put up with it. I woke up at 2.30am this morning and I fell asleep at 6am, up at 7am for work, really tired this morning. But I'm feeling 'OK' I really do believe the NC is helping and it's getting a little easier recently. If you can block him, then you won't be checking your phone every 2 minutes. Take the power back for you, you can do it, one day at a time, just give it a go. Hope you have a good day. I'm worried I'm going to rush things though, just to try and take my mind off ex. Second date night be today, we need to firm up plans. Ex contacted me late yesterday, just a 2 word line and then logged off so he couldn't read my reply. That has broken me more than NC, it feels so controlling. Had a dream about him and now I'm up early in tears. I don't know why I'm wasting my energy on him.
Blastoplast Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Just got back from a trip to Nashville. It was great just hanging out with friends and seeing new places and faces without thinking about my EX maybe more than a handful of times. When I get back home and I'm laying on my couch I just felt sad, almost like I wish I could talk to my EX about all the fun I had and the new places I saw and people I met. Weird thing is, she liked one of my instagram posts, almost as if she's trying to remind me she's still there (I don't even follow her on instagram and we're not friends on FB anymore, I initiated that). Regardless, I might have a date tonight with an friend of mine just to hang out for dinner and drinks, so that's how I'm coping! 1
Kelley Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I was having an OK day until my ex turned up at my work! He was worried about me as he hadn't heard from me! I thought I was going to have a panic attack there are then just seeing his face. This is so unfair, seeing him after what seems forever, he said he just wanted to make sure I was OK as he still cares about me and always will. I asked him if he was happy and he said not really that I still dominated his thoughts and he missed me. He said he hasn't got the closeness with her that he had with me, and he doesn't love her like he loved me. I have no idea if he was trying to make me feel better!! But I told him he made his choice and there is no going back. I told him I was fine and that I was moving on. I think he has broken my heart all over again if that is possible
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 (edited) I am having a great day. I am seeking work while I attend school and preparing for a financial secure future. It's so nice when your chain free. It's true what they say - the opposite of love is indifferent and you will all get there Hang in there. It will happen! Celebrate each day then after. Be very careful not to allow someone that much control over you. Single is not so bad and it's a happier place then being with the wrong man. Do not date and give it a few dates, wait until that perfect man comes that you can't say no to. If you don't need a relationship, don't waste time searching for it. Each failing relationship will only remind you of other's happy relationship. It is better to be single and focus on yourself. Thankful for my independence today and the fact that even with nothing, I have more then most.. Always improve! Edited October 21, 2016 by Cheryl11111111111111
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 By the way. I am writing a thread that states all the worst moments I had during my break up. It will serve you all well to know what to expect, but when you survive them and surpass (oh look, my vocabulary is improving) then we can celebrate together.
DarrenB Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I give up, I don't care, I'm going through enough stress and I've gone through enough stress since I turned a bloody teenager and I've had enough of it. I wish to live for the time being, focus on my worthless life and when the times right, vacate from life. Whenever that time passes, I'll be ready. I've put in enough effort in every area of living and it's just not worth the struggle anymore. Bloody heck. To all who told me the teenage years of life would be worth it... you are wrong. Add 10 more years onto my current age and I'll be happy. Or just add 90 so I can't feel any emotion.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Just join my thread. It's happier! I will not be monitoring or checking responses. I am going to be working towards a Christmas tree and presents which is what we all should be doing rather then dwell about their tree's and presents and what ever else is getting wrapped! Join my happy thread.
DarrenB Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Just join my thread. It's happier! I will not be monitoring or checking responses. I am going to be working towards a Christmas tree and presents which is what we all should be doing rather then dwell about their tree's and presents and what ever else is getting wrapped! Join my happy thread. Unfortunately it's easier said than done. Mindset's changed completely but hey, what's new? Atleast your own positivity is there and serving you well, I'll take a gander at it
Trinity_84 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Funny, life is. The other day at yoga I dedicated the class to my healing and moving on from my last relationship. I have started making more of a conscious effort to not think about the past, and when it pops up, to focus the thoughts on the present. Well, lo and behold, I get a message from the ex recently after almost 4 months of NC. Not even asking how I am or trying to open up the lines of communication. Just basically moping about his own situation. The fact that I really, really don't feel like sending a reply says a lot. I love yoga. My next class I will dedicate it to sending him positive energy so he can sort out his situation and find happiness again. But he's not going to hear from me. I mean, if he asked me how I was doing then maybe... but he didn't even have the decency! Ugh. Next! 1
Kelley Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 So after the below when I got home I was a mess, and all I wanted to do was get into bed! But I had my first yoga class to go to! So I just dragged myself out, no idea how! I absolutely loved the class. For a whole hour my mind was calm and clear, my legs, core, arms etc were working hard and connecting with the breath, and the relaxation at the end was amazing. I will be going again next week. The instructor gave me a sequence to do in the mornings to try and help with my anxiety too. I came out really confident and strong knowing I had accomplished something today. I was having an OK day until my ex turned up at my work! He was worried about me as he hadn't heard from me! I thought I was going to have a panic attack there are then just seeing his face. This is so unfair, seeing him after what seems forever, he said he just wanted to make sure I was OK as he still cares about me and always will. I asked him if he was happy and he said not really that I still dominated his thoughts and he missed me. He said he hasn't got the closeness with her that he had with me, and he doesn't love her like he loved me. I have no idea if he was trying to make me feel better!! But I told him he made his choice and there is no going back. I told him I was fine and that I was moving on. I think he has broken my heart all over again if that is possible 1
RyanO1991 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 So after the below when I got home I was a mess, and all I wanted to do was get into bed! But I had my first yoga class to go to! So I just dragged myself out, no idea how! I absolutely loved the class. For a whole hour my mind was calm and clear, my legs, core, arms etc were working hard and connecting with the breath, and the relaxation at the end was amazing. I will be going again next week. The instructor gave me a sequence to do in the mornings to try and help with my anxiety too. I came out really confident and strong knowing I had accomplished something today. I'm really chuffed to hear this. Glad the yoga has helped. Something for you to look forward to 1
freebird31 Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Been doing great up until the latest incident. Which was the friend request. I am still fine and in that moment it did bother me. I keep seeing it there the request ..just pending. But you know what. I won't let it get to me any longer. I'm doing bigger things now with my life. My plans for building my future are coming together and I'm getting closer and closer to reaching my goals. I have much greater and more important things to be worrying about and to be thinking about than a silly friend request from a lover from my past. It was just annoying in the moment. But a lot has changed since who I was 3-1/2 years ago since we broke up. I'm still the same person but I've grown a lot and learned a lot. And I am at an entirely different place in my life compared to back then when I was just finding my way. I am still finding my way don't get me wrong but my plans are actually coming together now. It's silly to look back at the past which really was a long time ago. I understand that it will probably always hurt when I get reminders like this. But these reminders are unnecessary. Maybe I am looking at life too idealistically. But the way I see it, I think there is much much more to life than the experiences and people from our past. There's way more experiences to encounter and way more great people to meet. The past should stay in the past where it belongs. It does me no good to revert backwards. I don't wish any bad upon my ex but it's best we both continue moving forward and going our separate ways. He was just a painful lesson in my life. And that's all. Learn from it and move on. 1
NopeNah Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Was actually a bit depressed all day. Had plans to go out of town for the weekend with some friends but, the guy who planned it had a death in the family so, he had to postpone. The thought of sitting around alone I think is what caused my depression. Luckily a very close friend of mine, whom I haven't seen in a few months(due to conflicting schedules), called me up and invited me over to his place for the weekend. It's still in my town but, it'll be good to catch up and spend some time with him and his wife. 1
DarrenB Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Had a very spontaneous anxiety attack at the gym this morning... very unexpected but I had been thinking about her for hours beforehand, and had gotten maybe 25 minutes of sleep. Had to cut my daily gym routine short by a few hours today. I'll make up that time tonight when I go. Back home now. Got some crumbled oats and tea. Woo. Good morning all! 1
Kelley Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Morning, sorry to hear about the anxiety attack, they are awful (I know first hand). But I think the lack of sleep and the constant thinking did it, you identified that anyway! Sleep is the best thing in the world. The peace, bliss and relaxation. I'm getting better, still wake up in the middle of the night, but talk myself back to sleep. I have a new tactic and it seems to be working for me. Right now your mind is in a denial mode and getting you to think a million thoughts. It's like meditation. You need to let so many thoughts flow through until you achieve that calmness. You can never force your mind into being quiet. Instead start talking to yourself, telling yourself what you want to hear. Trick your mind into thinking everything will be fine. I tell myself I will be OK, it was for the best, leaving me room to find the one I'm meant to be with. I replay all the bad parts of the relationship and think about the new man, how he will be different in so many ways. What I can do with all the spare time I have, I have taken up yoga, I always wanted to try it, but never had the time, now I do! I want to go to Denmark and Sweden, so I'm looking into making that a reality. The mind is a really powerful tool, it can cause us so much agony, but it can also help us find peace. So for every negative thought you have, challenge it with something positive. That's what got me out of the door yesterday, what got me up this morning to go out for my run. Give it a try :-) Had a very spontaneous anxiety attack at the gym this morning... very unexpected but I had been thinking about her for hours beforehand, and had gotten maybe 25 minutes of sleep. Had to cut my daily gym routine short by a few hours today. I'll make up that time tonight when I go. Back home now. Got some crumbled oats and tea. Woo. Good morning all!
Kelley Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 It looks like potentially another good day for me. As I posted above, tricking my mind, and challenging all those negative thoughts is really helping. It's not easy always challenging those thoughts, there are so many, but it's helping me feel better. I woke up feeling anxious like I always do, but I told myself I'm fine, it's only natural after what I have been through. I got up and did my run and felt strong afterwards. Now I'm planning what to do with the day, it doesn't involve obsessing, or missing, it's about me now! I'm sure I will still have bad days, but it's one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, I've got this.
starswewillnavigate Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 I was having an OK day until my ex turned up at my work! He was worried about me as he hadn't heard from me! I thought I was going to have a panic attack there are then just seeing his face. This is so unfair, seeing him after what seems forever, he said he just wanted to make sure I was OK as he still cares about me and always will. I asked him if he was happy and he said not really that I still dominated his thoughts and he missed me. He said he hasn't got the closeness with her that he had with me, and he doesn't love her like he loved me. I have no idea if he was trying to make me feel better!! But I told him he made his choice and there is no going back. I told him I was fine and that I was moving on. I think he has broken my heart all over again if that is possible oh Kelley, that sounds like a huge shock. It has obviously made him think about you being NC and he's realising what it actually means for you not to be in his life. I'm glad that you were strong enough to say that he had made his choice and there is no going back - if you were ever feeling weak on that matter remember it will just become push/pull tactics from him. And yes, I can imagine it is possible for your heart to be broken all over again, this is the control they have. 1
starswewillnavigate Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Just have some fun on the date, it's great for your confidence too. I really wish you could find the strength to go NC. It took everything I had, but it really does help believe it or not. Don't let him control you, remember your actions are from a weak place at the moment, the strong you would never put up with it. I woke up at 2.30am this morning and I fell asleep at 6am, up at 7am for work, really tired this morning. But I'm feeling 'OK' I really do believe the NC is helping and it's getting a little easier recently. If you can block him, then you won't be checking your phone every 2 minutes. Take the power back for you, you can do it, one day at a time, just give it a go. Hope you have a good day. Had the second date yesterday, which was a lot of fun. Very flirty and we may have had a kiss. Although I'm realising this morning that maybe I shouldn't launch myself into dating just yet whilst I'm in an anxious state as I think I'm just going to be going into the mode of "why hasn't x,y messaged me" of course ex has, date hasn't.
Kelley Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 All you can do is go by what you are feeling. I know that I'm nowhere ready won't be for some time. I need to be in a better place for me too, keep those boundaries. Don't get too hung up on the phone, hide it away for a bit if you can and get busy doing anything else Had the second date yesterday, which was a lot of fun. Very flirty and we may have had a kiss. Although I'm realising this morning that maybe I shouldn't launch myself into dating just yet whilst I'm in an anxious state as I think I'm just going to be going into the mode of "why hasn't x,y messaged me" of course ex has, date hasn't.
Logo Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 I went out with some friends last night. They don't seem to get it. They're oblivious. One of them keeps bringing up the relationship. I've asked him to stop. On the one hand I feel like I'm over her and the relationship, but if I remember a happy, intimate moment, I get very sad. I try to get as much enjoyment as I can when I go out on the weekends. But they're not the same without her. There is an undertone of grey and bland, if not lonely existence. I look at couples and think, "She used to run her fingers through my hair like that. How I miss that," "They're hugging and kissing and they're so into each other. I had that not too long ago". And I feel confused lately. I don't know if the sadness and depression I feel are because she's not around or because I feel lonely, without a partner, without a companion. I wonder if I met another woman right now, if it would make me feel the same way. Do I miss her or do I miss being with someone? It's becoming blurry lately. I've suppressed most of the happy memories to the point that I don't remember many of the happy moments we had. Well, I do. But I avoid thinking about them and it makes me sad that I have to do that. I then realize that I was in a relationship that's now over. What I do miss, though, is how she made me feel. I used to feel hope, I used to look to the future. Nowadays I'm trying to survive the moment. Last night I was enjoying a live band's music, but my friends were more interested in "hunting" for women. It's annoying. And women don't seem to want to talk to me for more than 3 minutes. They're friendly, but they quickly excuse themselves and walk away. I just want to have a conversation. So I try to stay in the moment. I've been answering questions on an online dating website. With each question, I think about her more, how we used to do this and used to do that happily together. I do miss her. I feel like texting her or picking up the phone and calling her and saying, "How was your day?" When we parted ways, she cried a little for ruining things for the two of us. I think I put too much pressure on her in the last few weeks. I made mistakes that I wonder if I hadn't what the outcome would be. Would I be happily with her now? It's strange because when we were still together I had anxiety about the relationship. I would wonder if every move or word or sentence would end up screwing things up. But I felt she wasn't putting enough effort into the relationship. I was happy, but I knew if she would only contribute her half like I was, I would be happier and more content with the relationship. I felt like I was doing most of the work. Then she cheated. And I couldn't bear the thought of her being in bed with some jerk.
NopeNah Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Feel better today. Was up late by the fire pit having some beers,telling stories and laughing with my buddy. My ex actually called me as my friend and I were unloading my car. I almost didn't answer but, did. Naturally my breakup was a small part of the conversation with my buddy since its been so long talking to him. He confirmed my reasons for ending it were correct. We both agreed that my ex is a great person. Her and I are just not great for each other. He was quite surprised that I said " I just want her to be happy in life". Was a good time/talk. Time for round two today/night!! 2
Bialy Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 I can't remember if I said this or not recently - but I saw two photos of my ex during his vacation in the Caribbean with his fiancée. He looks terrible. He looks like a totally different person. NOT the person I was in a relationship with. *** He was unshaven - In all the years I've known him, he hated having an unshaven face. *** He looked exhausted. Massive bags under his eyes. *** He looked downright weird. His eyes were unfocused and glassy. I'm not sure if he is back to taking anti-anxiety medication or not, but I wouldn't be surprised. I can't say I feel sorry for him looking like that. The photos came as a bit of a surprise. A part of me almost wants to email him to tell him I've started seeing someone.
sooshi Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 You did mention the pictures before, but what I want to know is how YOU are doing. How is the lovely Bialy?
Bialy Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 He has no idea I have seen these photos. Other than that, I've been doing pretty well. I'm journaling - putting my thoughts to paper and continually checking in with folks who have recently endured a breakup and are at a different stage than me.
Bialy Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Really well, sooshi! I'd say 70% good. I'm keeping busy, spending time talking with friends and family, journaling, and doing activities around town. Now, if only I was motivated to clean my living room!!! 1
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