How are you coping today?

[JDPT]

Take care of yourself! I must admit to being a little bit worried, I've had a symptom that is probably unrelated completely to the muscle soreness, but could indicate something wrong with my only kidney. I know, TMI right? But if it is related to the muscle soreness and the workout, than that is really bad, because that definitely would be damaging.

 

Anyhow, Just trying to figure out when I should get to the doctor and I'm keeping an eye on it. But it sucks, because all I want to do is get myself so incredibly worked out and tired (I mean, that last workout I joked andjokingly complained, but I really liked feeling completely dead after it, it took my mind off of so much stuff!) and lose myself in the workout and in the way I feel for the whole day afterwards (so much better, usually, when I'm not barely able to move!).

 

I'm sorry that you won't be able to work out much but your upper body for quite awhile!

 

 

 

I know the feeling I was going so hard at time gym roughly 1.5 months ago I was starting to feel alive again and was very please with the results. And now these injuries, well I guess things happen for a reason but I have yet to find out. You should make time to see a doctor with regards to your condition. It's always best to address anything early on.

[erklat]

And yet another Sunday goes by. I'd lie if I said I don't miss her. I don't know how to solve that. I don't constantly pine about her but I think about her more than I should. I don't have urges to break NC, though. I think I'll try to master the art of nonchalance. Given the fact that situation without her on top led me to a brink of diabetes, it certainly won't cause me any harm.

 

I still wouldn't say to her to take a hike if she contracted me.

[True Gent]

Sundays do seem to be worst for some reason, I didn't have any plans for today which means I got up late and kind of moped for a while. Cried in the shower and missed her.

 

Today was one of the very rare occasions that she was taking her turn with our dogs. She was late just like her usual unorganised self and it just annoyed me. I'm now back in the **** her she isn't worth the heartache state of mind.

 

She's selfish, doesn't prioritise and I'm getting really sick of sharing the dogs with her. Our whole life has been filled with her dramas and even when she's gone I've still got to contend with her crap.

 

So now I'm coping with the screw her attitude.

[L1ght]

I think I am doing pretty well overall.

 

I am dating again, though not exclusively or anything. Being pretty has not given the amount of date requests that I had thought it would before I got that way, but hey, I've been asked out a couple times now, and its been good.

 

Right now, I am in a little pain, because I'm doing that thing that I said I would do, my own little attempt at Eternal Sunshining it by writing about that last night starting from the end and working backwards (the memory erase, not the getting back together--all hope of that happening is dead, his silence has made that more than adequately clear). I have been taken back into the initial pain somewhat.

 

Anyway, I'm getting this last little splinter of poison out so I can move on with my life. He clearly has, and I am not going to sit on my ass pining in any way, shape or form (not even a tiny little bit, and I think I had been letting myself get away with a tiny little bit of it) for him, when he is not for me.

 

I am moving on into the future, having learned the lesson to not allow myself to commit to exclusivity until I know them a lot better than I knew him. So that I'll have a better chance to see pitfalls like this coming up.

Why waste any more time going over the past? It sounds to me like you are doing everything right....looking forwards, dating, working out etc yet you are still going over old ground when its pretty much time to bury it.

Don't waste anymore time on it, focus on being happy and embracing the new experiences in your life.

I would be a hypocrite if I lectured you about something I wasn't willing to do myself seeing as I'm in a place where looking forwards is the single best option too. I like LS cos it can be a great avenue for expression but I intend to spend zero more time mentioning my ex in here (unless its while giving productive, positive advice when sharing experiences with someone here who needs it).....when you are ready I think you should do the same. Good luck.

Edited January 20, 2014 by L1ght

[portableversion]

It has taken long time, much therapy, and many many sessions at aa meetings. The big thing was constant input, from the professionals and other highly experienced individuals that I was indeed thoroughly abused on many levels. And I need to offer much gratitude that I'm free from her abuse. It is nice to not feel like im walking on eggshells wondering if I had said something wrong or if she was going to lash out and call me names, or just treat me like dirt. It is much better to be alone than to be under such dire circumstances.

 

A lot of this stuff I had to hear again and again over and over. I had to stop taking all the blame and beating myself up. Her contributions to our demise were very significant. Really I had to conclude that I had/have some sort of illness in regards to all this. I should've left her many years ago and never got married to her, in the 1st place. It really was a huge mistake to not stick to my guns and end it back in the day well before we got married.

 

The big concern is, am I doomed to let another woman treat me like that again and abuse the heck out of me? I suppose it does not make any difference as im surrounded by men and old folks. My job has vey few women and my church gatherings don't offer much in the way of dating opportunities, but oh well forget it, at least im not under the gun anymore. She never treated me like a human being. I can breathe free. God does indeed guarantee to deliver us from those that hate us and free us from our enemies and indeed he has. When I do the liturgy of the hours there is a daily passage that says that, and I breathe a sigh of relief and say yeah thank you God for delivering me from the pits of hell.

 

Ive been through so much of a learning curve meeting with people who have survived divorce and underwent years of therapy. The stuff I learned made my head spin.

Sure I did bad things but, as my sponsor said he said dude thank god you abused alcohol. Alcohol did for you what you could not do for yourself. God does indeed work in mysterious ways. Ive been assured by many that my divorce was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

The casualties have been high, I only see my boys 8 days a month now which is difficult , but now they wont ever again see their dad get treated like a dirt bag subhuman. The key now is to make sure to keep very distant to her, I do have to still deal with her in regards to the children and she will take those opportunities to continue to abuse me, so I have to be vigilant and draw from new found power I never had before to tell her to go away and leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!

[iouaname]

feeling a little more positive as time passes. I know that this is all in my hands. I need to cut him out completely and not allow myself to backslide when he reaches out.

 

I think my issues is mostly a lowered sense of self-esteem since the breakup. I feel not good enough in almost all aspects of my life. It has gotten a bit better, but I'm still struggling. I need to learn how to overcome it without seeking his approval.

 

any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

[Riou]

Not coping very well these few days..trying.

[JDPT]

What a terrible nightmare I had last night. In my nightmare I was actually at the bargaining phase almost pleading to take her back lol wow I have to chuckle at this now as it has never crossed my mind to do anything remotely close to that.

Lately I've found myself regressing, I'm missing the memories to the point that I'm contemplating the thought of looking her up online. I know how detrimental that is and I've managed to control myself but I just can't. Continue to go down this road. In conclusion, I haven't been coping too well, still trying to figure out how to turn this all around.

[erklat]

Feeling a bit better today. But also I'm busy so I don't know which one to thank. Read a post on this other forum with a story identical to mine. Apparently I'm in love with an illusion of her or what she might become when she goes out of her early twenties. Because even though I like her a lot, there is not much to love in getting drunk four times a week, smoking pack and a half daily, cursing, not going to college and hanging with lowlifes. In short - incompatibility. Now the fact I most likely dodged a bullet needs to sink in. I wouldn't mind if I felt like I'm feeling now all the time. :-)

[John83]

Took first steps in moving on today by joining gym, put off doing it as secretly held on to the hope of soon being back at home happy and have use of my garage gym again.

Did some weight and was surprised at loss of stength. Then Followed with an hour of brisk walk on treadmill. Thoughrly enjoyed it.

Back again tomorrow so got something to look forward too.

 

At the minute its a crazy flip flop between being happy and optimistic about moving on with own life and missing my old life.

But overall feeling good.

[ithappenedagain]

I know that our relationship was toxic. We fought, called each other terrible names, and then made up.. Wash, Rinse, Repeat for 2 years. But we were both addicted to eachother. We lived together, and did everything together. She reached her boiling point and ended things for good. Why cant I accept the fact that we were probably not ''marriage material''.. I just want her back. UGH!!!!!!

[Real36]

He has been on my mind for the last 2 days. Last week I deleted the email drafts I had been saving to read when I missed him. They were my reminders of the crap he did and lies he told whenever I started to miss the good times. At the time I felt like I was past the point of needing them, apparently not. Maybe this is just a reaction to that, I don't know. 6 months post BU and here I am living the pain all over.

[H245]

Yesterday was ok, but today is crummy. I have the day off and I'm currently still aging in bed wanting to cry...except I can't cry. I have no idea why. I feel like I'm almost numb to the pain. Maybe I should eat something and play some video games...

[AnyaNova]

I am taking it slow and easy today before the semester starts. I think I figured out how this works with the B vitamins. And after a particularly stressful event, I need to convince my body and bran that the high stress won't be happening again for awhile. I almost suspect that having the deficiency for so long, when I hit a stressful event (emotional or physical) my body goes into conservation mode. I know the liver stores it. I am starting to suspect that the liver somehow is responsible for doling it out to the rest of the body.

 

But anyway.

 

I can't prove it, but I think he just visited my profile yesterday morning. He's been on since (if it isn't him, and if it is just a big coincidence and my gut is just wrong), but didn't look at my profile.

 

In other words. He is moving on.

 

And I discovered one last stupid idiotic bit of hope that I had hidden even from myself (I am way to damn good at doing that).

 

So I am feeling crappy today.

 

He had a passing bit of curiosity about me, but he is looking for others. He doesn't want me back at all.

 

He doesn't care about me one bit.

 

And that hurts.

[The Situation]

Heart's aching. So not great.

[jphcbpa]

This was from my morning meditation...

 

 

"There is no such thing as complete acceptance. When you can remember a loss with a little distance and much less pain, you have accepted the loss and mourned it fully. You accept that life is different now and move on" - David Viscott, Emotionally Free

 

There are certain events that we may never accept fully. What can be accepted, though, is that we are required to live with these losses and find a way to go on…It's okay to stop waiting for and expecting total acceptance of the unthinkable in your life. Instead, gently do one thing each day to demonstrated that you are willing to move forward with your life.

 

Activity: Make a list of all the questions you have for God, the "why's". Then, as much as possible, do not dwell on those questions. Trust you will get your answers possibly later. For now, let to she questions be the unsolved mysteries of life.

 

Melody Beattie "More Language of Letting Go"

[lovebirds]

Doing badly. Moved in to my new place yesterday. Packing out stuff that reminds me of him, sleeping alone in the bed we always slept in with the two of us... Finding postcards he send me when I was away abroad declaring his undying love for me... i still cannot see why he left. We had it good, but he thinks he can find better things elsewhere... I think this breakup is extra hard because he didn't cheat, we didn't really fight. It does not even feel like he was tempted away by an irresistible other woman, it was me he found simply unsatisfying. I think that is so unfair, because I am truly a great woman. He simply was not in love anymore after six years.

 

Sad face.

[True Gent]

Doing badly. Moved in to my new place yesterday. Packing out stuff that reminds me of him, sleeping alone in the bed we always slept in with the two of us... Finding postcards he send me when I was away abroad declaring his undying love for me... i still cannot see why he left. We had it good, but he thinks he can find better things elsewhere... I think this breakup is extra hard because he didn't cheat, we didn't really fight. It does not even feel like he was tempted away by an irresistible other woman, it was me he found simply unsatisfying. I think that is so unfair, because I am truly a great woman. He simply was not in love anymore after six years.

 

Sad face.

 

I feel for you, be strong. It's hard, but you'll get there.

[jphcbpa]

Doing badly. Moved in to my new place yesterday. Packing out stuff that reminds me of him, sleeping alone in the bed we always slept in with the two of us... Finding postcards he send me when I was away abroad declaring his undying love for me... i still cannot see why he left. We had it good, but he thinks he can find better things elsewhere... I think this breakup is extra hard because he didn't cheat, we didn't really fight. It does not even feel like he was tempted away by an irresistible other woman, it was me he found simply unsatisfying. I think that is so unfair, because I am truly a great woman. He simply was not in love anymore after six years.

 

Sad face.

 

 

ummm prayers for you.

 

I can relate...no fighting, no one cheated, lied, stole ect. just she was uncomfortable and unsure. should not be surprised...it is a pattern for her.

[iouaname]

doing a lot better today I'm glad that I've become much more resilient since the breakup. The lows don't last quite as long and aren't quite as painful.

 

tomorrow is my birthday. I'm not at all concerned with whether or not he'll wish me a happy birthday, I'm positive he doesn't even remember when my birthday is, but I do want to be happy on my birthday. I deserve to be happy.

[ayudorama]

At some point I've come to accept that there is no going back to the person I was before all of this happened. Why would I want that? Go back? Then I realized I've been so comfortable having a pain-free heart for the past God-knows-how-many-decades that I don't know how to cope with this constant dull ache that will never cease. It's true what jchcbpa said earlier, there is no complete acceptance.

 

You just learn to cope with the tiny dull ache. That stubborn little thing that refuses to be extinguished.

 

I'm surprised I still have it in me to be happy for my older brother who got married to his first love. Their wedding day was also supposed to be mine, but that never happened. Instead of being a bride, I became my brother's wife's bridesmaid. A few weeks later now and at least two more of my cousins are getting engaged. I feel happy for them, I do.

 

A small part of me hides this sadness which I feel ashamed of even expressing.

 

So this is what it means to have loved and lost.

 

Wouldn't wish it on my greatest foe.

[Xemyd]

Reading someone's post about receiving flowers from an ex, I started thinking "Hey! Maybe I could do that." But then I started thinking that no... That's not a good idea. He broke up with me, why would I send him flowers, flowers are damn expensive, I shouldn't waste that on him. He can send me flowers! (even though I don't even like flowers)

 

I think my brain is getting stronger, it trumps my heart a lot more now.

[AnyaNova]

At some point I've come to accept that there is no going back to the person I was before all of this happened. Why would I want that? Go back? Then I realized I've been so comfortable having a pain-free heart for the past God-knows-how-many-decades that I don't know how to cope with this constant dull ache that will never cease. It's true what jchcbpa said earlier, there is no complete acceptance.

 

You just learn to cope with the tiny dull ache. That stubborn little thing that refuses to be extinguished.

 

I'm surprised I still have it in me to be happy for my older brother who got married to his first love. Their wedding day was also supposed to be mine, but that never happened. Instead of being a bride, I became my brother's wife's bridesmaid. A few weeks later now and at least two more of my cousins are getting engaged. I feel happy for them, I do.

 

A small part of me hides this sadness which I feel ashamed of even expressing.

 

So this is what it means to have loved and lost.

 

Wouldn't wish it on my greatest foe.

 

I found out someone in my department got engaged today. I am so happy for her. She is awesome and she totally deserves it. And she is right to say that God blessed her with that man.

 

I hope she and God can forgive me for wishing I was similarly blessed with (obviously a different one) such a good man.

 

Maybe that is what I am trying to come to terms with too. What happened between my ex and I was so strange and so painful and such a knife to the heart I don't think that I will ever reach complete acceptance.

 

And there are some images of him in his pain and sadness that I will never stop seeing behind my eyes, even if as I find someone else, I only think of them rarely.

 

I can't really think too much about those times with him where he was truly happy for obvious reasons.

 

I know that I am over him enough to date again and that I can open my heart to someone else.

 

But perhaps there will always be a tiny splinter that starts with a capital T.

[iouaname]

it's my birthday! no plans for today. I went out over the weekend and will see friends and stuff when I return to school next week. I'm not expecting a message from the ex, at all, as I don't even think he remembers my birthday and I made it clear I didn't think being friends was working out.

 

I am a bit sad that I'm lonely. It would be nice to finally have someone back in my life who I can talk to and who could have been with me on this today. Just gotta keep pushing through the day, I'm young... there will be other better birthdays and hopefully better boys.

[H245]

Week 3 since BU...I feel this week is better than the last, but I am also avoiding any and all events she is going to...sucky feeling to have to avoid her, but I don't want to see her. Still secretly wishing she would apologize for what she did....