RyanO1991 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Part of me hopes we'll see each other again. Then I get angry at myself for basically "waiting" for him (not even sure at this point if he wants to see me), letting him call the shots and not voicing how I really feel. I know by going NC I can feel empowered but there's always that "what if?" I felt that "what if" a while ago and I did everything I could to prove myself, but then I realised that - despite her excuse that I didn't communicate - she was the one with the issue. No matter how hard you try, it won't be enough. Unfortunately there is no "what if", but with NC your ex will have time to realise what they missed. 1
Kelley Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I'm really hurting after that message yesterday, feel like I have gone back to square one. Angry at him too! I won't reply and will try and let it go. You can't help yourself because you love him and you are not ready to accept it's over. When you accept it's over you will be able to move forward, and go NC. Work on accepting it's over. Take care you. How are you doing today? I saw your ex has messaged you, you must have had a tailspin of emotions seeing their name pop up. Well done for staying strong and keeping to NC. I hope you are feeling like you are coping a little better today.
starswewillnavigate Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I'm really hurting after that message yesterday, feel like I have gone back to square one. Angry at him too! I won't reply and will try and let it go. You can't help yourself because you love him and you are not ready to accept it's over. When you accept it's over you will be able to move forward, and go NC. Work on accepting it's over. Take care you. Kelley - I can see why you are angry and you have every right to be! Did you manage to figure out how to block his emails? Stay strong, you're doing amazingly well. This is the hardest bit, because he keeps messaging everyday or most days, I think "oh, he's still there, there must be a chance". I'm really trying to work through all this in my talking therapy, I think for me the letting go process is the hardest part, I really need to get to "I don't care if you message me or not."
starswewillnavigate Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I felt that "what if" a while ago and I did everything I could to prove myself, but then I realised that - despite her excuse that I didn't communicate - she was the one with the issue. No matter how hard you try, it won't be enough. Unfortunately there is no "what if", but with NC your ex will have time to realise what they missed. I know, unfortunately it's eating into a lot of negativity about myself "I'm not good enough", "he doesn't want me", "I'm not a worthy person".
Bialy Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I've joined a local support group in my city for narcissism survivors. I'll be attending my first meeting soon - I'm hoping to get additional support and comfort as well as comfort others. Really looking forward to starting that aspect of my coping and recovery. My ex is a narcissist - 100%. There's a big difference between a person who exhibits narcissistic tendencies and a full on narcissist. Absolutely ugly. 1
sherbmeister Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Part of me hopes we'll see each other again. Then I get angry at myself for basically "waiting" for him (not even sure at this point if he wants to see me), letting him call the shots and not voicing how I really feel. I know by going NC I can feel empowered but there's always that "what if?" Oh trust me, I have the same feelings, specially because my breakup wasnt because of cheating or other bad things, we just got cold. I still hope in vain... to get back toggether, sadly.. I wait for her text/call everyday. Not gonna contact her though.
Kelley Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 My ex kept in touch for his own selfish reasons. He used me to get over us and moved on. Don't let him use you, he gets your attention, care and support while he moves on pain free. Please look after you, don't be 3 months on and broken while he is fine like me. This is the hardest bit, because he keeps messaging everyday or most days, I think "oh, he's still there, there must be a chance". I'm really trying to work through all this in my talking therapy, I think for me the letting go process is the hardest part, I really need to get to "I don't care if you message me or not." 1
Trinity_84 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Last night I had a dream that I was having sex with some guy and in the middle of it I said "you want to see pictures of my ex?" and I started going through his Facebook and noticed he was with a cute new girl. So I woke up pretty disturbed, not by the fact he was with another girl (that I really don't care about) but about the fact I stopped mid-dream-sex to stalk my ex! That really, really upset me. I guess I'm still not 100% there yet. But the good thing is that it didn't upset me to see him with another girl. I'd actually be happy for him if he found someone nice, he deserves to be loved. 3
Kelley Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I read somewhere that your subconscious mind will often use dreams to help process some of the emotions and thoughts that are built up inside of you concerning an ex. So if I dream about my ex, as painful as it is when I wake I know that I'm just trying to heal. Maybe your subconscious is helping clear out that last 1%. You sound like you are almost there, it kills me to think of my ex with his new girlfriend, looking forward to the day when it doesn't bother me anymore. Last night I had a dream that I was having sex with some guy and in the middle of it I said "you want to see pictures of my ex?" and I started going through his Facebook and noticed he was with a cute new girl. So I woke up pretty disturbed, not by the fact he was with another girl (that I really don't care about) but about the fact I stopped mid-dream-sex to stalk my ex! That really, really upset me. I guess I'm still not 100% there yet. But the good thing is that it didn't upset me to see him with another girl. I'd actually be happy for him if he found someone nice, he deserves to be loved. 3
RyanO1991 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 I read somewhere that your subconscious mind will often use dreams to help process some of the emotions and thoughts that are built up inside of you concerning an ex. So if I dream about my ex, as painful as it is when I wake I know that I'm just trying to heal. Maybe your subconscious is helping clear out that last 1%. You sound like you are almost there, it kills me to think of my ex with his new girlfriend, looking forward to the day when it doesn't bother me anymore. It's really hard. But out of the new partner and myself, I can't help thinking I'm better off. My partner was very caring and loving, but as she changed I realise she became more selfish and narcissistic. At the end of the day, who's better off: us walking away with our dignity and strengths intact, or the new partner who probably won't measure up to us and will have to take on the problems of a selfish partner. It's hard to keep thinking like this, and it doesn't as leads work, but sometimes I find it helps. 2
dyna85 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 wanting the suffering to end knowing i'm responsible for it feeling like it has to do with much more than just this particular situation that fizzled out so soon after it started, so long ago not knowing where i'm going, what to do, and how to cope in essence, it sucks and i wish myself a lot of luck and strength i know i'll need it as perseverance is no easy feat
Kelley Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Take it one day at a time, that's all you can do, it's what we are all doing. You take care. wanting the suffering to end knowing i'm responsible for it feeling like it has to do with much more than just this particular situation that fizzled out so soon after it started, so long ago not knowing where i'm going, what to do, and how to cope in essence, it sucks and i wish myself a lot of luck and strength i know i'll need it as perseverance is no easy feat
dyna85 Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 Take it one day at a time, that's all you can do, it's what we are all doing. You take care. Thanks Kelley. I'm trying. Feels like hell but as Winston Churchill says.. if you're going thru hell, keep going. And another quote of his- 'never never never give up.' I actually just saw those quotes when in a Hallmark store today, so it served as motivation. Just gotta stay strong. Thanks. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted October 17, 2016 Posted October 17, 2016 You take care of yourself, men who cheat don't deserve us. Karma does come around and one day they will realise what they have thrown away. By the time they do, we will have moved on and won't care. It doesn't feel that way at all.
Logo Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Felt quite preoccupied yesterday. In the evening, out of nowhere, felt like I wanted to cry (very unusual for me) so locked myself in the bathroom for privacy and let it all out. So many emotions: anger, loss, despair... It happens. It's a roller coaster ride of emotions. I was doing great yesterday during the day, then in the late evening hours I suddenly started feeling emotional, thinking of the great moments I had with her and then got angry at how things turned out. Want to give what I gave to someone who deserves it. And someone who will appreciate that and truly value what you have to offer. 1
Logo Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) I felt good today. I focused on work and whenever I thought about her I didn't experience any strong emotions. It was a passing moment and then I was back to work. I'm starting to understand what people mean when they write that if they ran into their ex, he or she would be just another stranger, another face in the crowd. I have fond memories of what we had. But NC makes it easy to keep those memories in the past. Things turned out the way they did and that's just the way it is. I did my best. I gave it my all. I tried. I learned and I'm moving on. Edited October 18, 2016 by Logo 1
Logo Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) My partner was very caring and loving, but as she changed I realise she became more selfish and narcissistic. Let her go. Edited October 18, 2016 by Logo 1
sherbmeister Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Woke up from a nice dream about her... we were hugging and kissing... I hope this doesn't turn into one of them days.
Kelley Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Not at the moment but one day we will be over it and we will have moved on completely. I have read and seen it so many times, when they come creeping back because they realise they have made a mistake. Or they meet someone that does to them what they did to us. Let time do it's thing, as my sister said to me, this time next year it will be something you look back at and think what was I thinking! When you are cuddling up to a guy that really appreciates what he has, it will be worth it. Even if I'm not cuddled up to a guy it will be worth it, he never deserved me anyway. I don't need a year to realise that It doesn't feel that way at all. 1
Kelley Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I generally hate mornings at the moment, even more so if I dream about him. I hope you have a 'good' day, remember it's just your subconscious dealing with all the emotions and it's a process of healing. You are on the path to healing, look at it that way Woke up from a nice dream about her... we were hugging and kissing... I hope this doesn't turn into one of them days.
sherbmeister Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I generally hate mornings at the moment, even more so if I dream about him. I hope you have a 'good' day, remember it's just your subconscious dealing with all the emotions and it's a process of healing. You are on the path to healing, look at it that way Very true, it's pretty crappy that we can control what we feel during the day (at least ignore it and occupy our mind with other stuff) but at night, theres just no way to control this. It was a good dream though, I liked it and I'm actually have a good day at the office today. Hope you're doing well aswell!
Kelley Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I actually woke up 'OK' today and I'm feeling a bit more positive. It's nice when you have a good day, scattered in those really bad ones. Even better when the good days outnumber the bad, but I will get there. Glad you are having a good day too. Very true, it's pretty crappy that we can control what we feel during the day (at least ignore it and occupy our mind with other stuff) but at night, theres just no way to control this. It was a good dream though, I liked it and I'm actually have a good day at the office today. Hope you're doing well aswell!
dreamingoftigers Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 I ate today......and showered #progress 1
starswewillnavigate Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Oh trust me, I have the same feelings, specially because my breakup wasnt because of cheating or other bad things, we just got cold. I still hope in vain... to get back toggether, sadly.. I wait for her text/call everyday. Not gonna contact her though. I hate it, I hate looking at my phone everyday just waiting for his name to pop up.
starswewillnavigate Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 My ex kept in touch for his own selfish reasons. He used me to get over us and moved on. Don't let him use you, he gets your attention, care and support while he moves on pain free. Please look after you, don't be 3 months on and broken while he is fine like me. The worst thing is I know that he is just using me by keeping in touch, that I'm just an ego boost for him.
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