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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
Posted

Y'know, all of this in this thread are good people who were victims of awful circumstances and just want a loving, secure relationship. Blah.

 

Why is life so damn hard sometimes.

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Offspring Established Member

Offspring

Posted
Posted (edited)
I had a weird dream last night and I woke up depressed.

 

In the dream I somehow end up on a conference call with my ex girlfriend and a friend of mine. My ex is not aware of the fact that I'm on the line. My friend is talking to her. I don't know why he'd be talking to her in the first place, but that's beside the point; it's a dream so it's not necessarily supposed to make sense.

 

I hear my ex talking to the guy she cheated on me with in the background. I get the impression they're in bed together because they talk about 'getting up'.

 

At some point my ex starts talking like a stereotypical teenage valley girl. She never talked like that, but as I said, it was a weird dream.

 

That's when I jump into the conversation and say, "So that's the real you, the real person you've been hiding from me while you pretended to be a different person when you were with me?

 

She starts saying something and that's when I hang up in her face.

 

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed and thinking to myself, "How did I end up on this call? Why did I talk to her or even listen to her talk?"

 

Then the dream ends and I wake up.

 

It's the weekend again. I need to keep myself busy. I used to look forward to the weekend. Now I dread it. Memories keep popping up in my head. If I start thinking of the intimate moments we shared, I could get very emotional. So I avoid that. I suppress it. I try to block it and think of something else.

 

But I feel lonely, even when I'm around people. There is no substitute for that special feeling of intimacy when you're with the person you feel a strong connection with.

 

[/left]

 

Logo,

 

I think the dream was your sub-consciousnesses way of revealing to you what she is really like.

 

I'm beginning to think that relationships take a lot of openess, communication, and commitment. Without these, it will die. There is no magic formula, it's just two people that decide to commit and work things out if they believe the other person is important enough. Unfortunately, sometimes the other does not believe the person is important enough for what ever reason.

 

In summary, i believe that ongoing and stable relationships require honesty, disclosure and willingness from both parties to work through differences.

Edited by Offspring
  • Like 2
Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted

I made the mistake of looking at some pictures today. It's hard for me to reconcile what used to be with what's become. What can I do to accept it and move on? Just distract myself?

  • Like 2
sherbmeister Member

sherbmeister

Posted
Posted
Really crappy day today, even in a beautiful place, the sun shining and my heart is heavy and stomach in knots. Why is NC so difficult, why is my heart screaming for me to contact him? Has it forgotten he is with someone new now?

 

I have cried a lot today, it's good to let it out I know that. It must have been the mood I was in, but I was jealous of all the couples holding hands and looking happy. I even watched a guy carve a heart into the sand for his lover/girlfriend with their initials, then she gave him lots of kisses and a big hug. I remember when my ex did that for me, when we first went away for the weekend. To be in love the best feeling in the world, to be heartbroken pure hell. Tomorrow is another day, may it be better than today.

 

Hey, I'm going through the same sh*t. This helps me, maybe it will help you. Whenever I feel the urge to contact my ex, I just think rational. "What will come out of this? What will I achieve by contacting her and How will it end?" I'll tell myself the answers too. "1. Nothing good will come out of it, she'll just be cold and try to be caring to me so she doesnt have to hurt my feelings, almost out of pity maybe, 2. I will achieve nothing but dread by contacting her and she'll probably get her fix from it and heal even faster and get over me even faster. 3. I will end right back at square one of no contact, broken, depressed and crying myself to sleep everything. Just stay strong... I know I'm trying my best aswell.

  • Like 1
sherbmeister Member

sherbmeister

Posted
Posted
I made the mistake of looking at some pictures today. It's hard for me to reconcile what used to be with what's become. What can I do to accept it and move on? Just distract myself?

 

Pretty much, pretend to not care until you actually stop caring.

  • Like 2
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
Posted
I made the mistake of looking at some pictures today. It's hard for me to reconcile what used to be with what's become. What can I do to accept it and move on? Just distract myself?

Avoid pics.

 

I removed all of the photos from my past relationship from my phone and placed them elsewhere.

 

Just today, I was telling a relative that I think if we ever bump into each other in the future, I won't recognize him.. since I imagine he'll be 20 lbs heavier and looking greyer.

  • Like 2
RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

Posted
Posted

After dropping off her stuff on Friday, woke up this morning to a message from my ex explaining that she wanted a clean break.

 

I messaged back and was totally honest, saying I agreed with her and explaining how we had different moral principles and ideas of respect. Made it clear that more opportunities had opened up as a result of the breakup and that I feel more confident in my own identity.

 

Made it clear that I had faults and worked on them, but found it difficult to understand how she lied and cheated when I had been completely loyal.

 

Feels great to finally walk out of this with my head held high.

  • Like 2
starswewillnavigate Established Member

starswewillnavigate

Posted
Posted

Hurting so badly this weekend, I can't get him off my mind, I'm not sleep and woke up at 3am sobbing. I can't seem to maintain NC and I don't know which is worse, the one line replies or not speaking to him at all. I'm trying, I really am. I'm in talking therapy, I've opened up to close friends and I know they all say just walk away, walk away for the pain and yet I'm clinging on.

Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

I'm feeling your pain I really am. I have managed 2 weeks NC and yes it hurts the same as those 1 line replies. But you know what, going NC one day the pain will end, holding on there is no end date. Take care you.

 

 

Hurting so badly this weekend, I can't get him off my mind, I'm not sleep and woke up at 3am sobbing. I can't seem to maintain NC and I don't know which is worse, the one line replies or not speaking to him at all. I'm trying, I really am. I'm in talking therapy, I've opened up to close friends and I know they all say just walk away, walk away for the pain and yet I'm clinging on.
  • Like 2
RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

Posted
Posted
Hurting so badly this weekend, I can't get him off my mind, I'm not sleep and woke up at 3am sobbing. I can't seem to maintain NC and I don't know which is worse, the one line replies or not speaking to him at all. I'm trying, I really am. I'm in talking therapy, I've opened up to close friends and I know they all say just walk away, walk away for the pain and yet I'm clinging on.

 

What do you think it is that you're clinging onto?

NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

Posted
Posted

Weird dreams and bad sleep last night but, other than that I'm "ok". Still thoughts throughout the day if I made the right decision to end it. I know deep down I did. I'm not sad or happy about it anymore. It just is.

  • Like 1
Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

I just received an e-mail from my ex. He never used to e-mail me, and I wasn't sure how to block him anyway! He basically asked how I was, that he had been thinking about me, and despite what I thought he still cares about me! It's really upset me. I have tried so hard over the past couple of weeks to maintain NC and start to feel better, then I get this, him trying to mess with my feelings. I won't respond and will google how to block e-mail addresses. I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart :-(

  • Like 2
RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

Posted
Posted
I just received an e-mail from my ex. He never used to e-mail me, and I wasn't sure how to block him anyway! He basically asked how I was, that he had been thinking about me, and despite what I thought he still cares about me! It's really upset me. I have tried so hard over the past couple of weeks to maintain NC and start to feel better, then I get this, him trying to mess with my feelings. I won't respond and will google how to block e-mail addresses. I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart :-(

 

Good for you, Kelley. As much as it hurts, stay strong. Silence speaks volumes.

  • Like 2
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
Posted
I just received an e-mail from my ex. He never used to e-mail me, and I wasn't sure how to block him anyway! He basically asked how I was, that he had been thinking about me, and despite what I thought he still cares about me! It's really upset me. I have tried so hard over the past couple of weeks to maintain NC and start to feel better, then I get this, him trying to mess with my feelings. I won't respond and will google how to block e-mail addresses. I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart :-(

Don't respond. Stay strong. By responding, it shows him that you are OK with how he treated you.

 

Let him feel bad about your lack of response. Don't respond at all.

 

You got this, girl. This is the hardest test of NC.

  • Like 2
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
Posted

Also, he acted just like my ex. No apology about his past behavior at all.

 

He also sounds like my ex because he conveniently doesn't mention that he is still involved with his partner. It's so deceptive. Someone who was weak would take his email to mean that he wants them back or is leaving the door open.

  • Like 2
sherbmeister Member

sherbmeister

Posted
Posted
I just received an e-mail from my ex. He never used to e-mail me, and I wasn't sure how to block him anyway! He basically asked how I was, that he had been thinking about me, and despite what I thought he still cares about me! It's really upset me. I have tried so hard over the past couple of weeks to maintain NC and start to feel better, then I get this, him trying to mess with my feelings. I won't respond and will google how to block e-mail addresses. I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart :-(

 

Wow, congratulations, you're very strong if you havent replied to that email. I know I couldn't have done that. Good for you!

Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted

I'm doing better today. I kept myself busy. I was productive and became even more productive as a result.

 

I'm going to focus on me, for now, instead of looking for that special someone again.

  • Like 2
BevGB Member

BevGB

Posted
Posted

I was doing fine until his first breadcrumb came in. I figured it would happen at some point but I didn't expect it so soon and I was not prepared at all. I've been crying all night. I hate this so much.

DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

Posted
Posted
I was doing fine until his first breadcrumb came in. I figured it would happen at some point but I didn't expect it so soon and I was not prepared at all. I've been crying all night. I hate this so much.

 

I hope things start looking up for you soon. With grieving and sorrow, comes healing and inner progression; mentally and emotionally. You will not succumb to the hardships in life. You will thrive in self-preservation and fulfillment. Believe in yourself, believe that things will get better, and you will see difference. Godspeed.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted

I havent eaten in two days or changed my clothes.

 

I smell.

 

The only thing that made me slightly happy was a PM from a former LS poster and my kids.

 

My baby is so cute and my girl is such a sweetheart.

She knows I have a broken heart and brought down her glitter jar so I could "meditate" with it.

 

My kids matter, but otherwise, I pretty much feel nothing.

 

I have an MC appointment tomorrow.

 

I'm not feeling it. I don't need to sit there and be judged by my husband for my dead-inside-leave-me-alone reaction to his having fcked a hooker.

 

He can judge me and lie to me at home.

I don't want to talk to the counselor.

I can't tell my friends or parents or anyone really.

 

It's all too embarrassing.

 

I think I'll be more disappointed than the girls in my Brownie Unit if camp has to be cancelled this weekend.

I really just want to go to camp with my daughter and pretend that somehow, my husband never existed.

 

I guess in a sense, he never really did.

Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

He's in a relationship with the woman he cheated on me with, so that makes it slightly easier. It's still painful though, I miss him but I want to heal now, I'm tired of the pain already!

 

 

Wow, congratulations, you're very strong if you havent replied to that email. I know I couldn't have done that. Good for you!
Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

You take care of yourself, men who cheat don't deserve us. Karma does come around and one day they will realise what they have thrown away. By the time they do, we will have moved on and won't care.

 

 

I havent eaten in two days or changed my clothes.

 

I smell.

 

The only thing that made me slightly happy was a PM from a former LS poster and my kids.

 

My baby is so cute and my girl is such a sweetheart.

She knows I have a broken heart and brought down her glitter jar so I could "meditate" with it.

 

My kids matter, but otherwise, I pretty much feel nothing.

 

I have an MC appointment tomorrow.

 

I'm not feeling it. I don't need to sit there and be judged by my husband for my dead-inside-leave-me-alone reaction to his having fcked a hooker.

 

He can judge me and lie to me at home.

I don't want to talk to the counselor.

I can't tell my friends or parents or anyone really.

 

It's all too embarrassing.

 

I think I'll be more disappointed than the girls in my Brownie Unit if camp has to be cancelled this weekend.

I really just want to go to camp with my daughter and pretend that somehow, my husband never existed.

 

I guess in a sense, he never really did.

starswewillnavigate Established Member

starswewillnavigate

Posted
Posted
I'm feeling your pain I really am. I have managed 2 weeks NC and yes it hurts the same as those 1 line replies. But you know what, going NC one day the pain will end, holding on there is no end date. Take care you.

 

I know the only way to go is NC, because he's only drip feeding me crumbs at the moment. I'm doing this to myself and not him but I literally can't seem to stop myself from checking to see if he has messages and blocks never stay on for long. He offers me nothing and I don't understand why either of us are still in touch really.

 

How are you doing today? I saw your ex has messaged you, you must have had a tailspin of emotions seeing their name pop up. Well done for staying strong and keeping to NC. I hope you are feeling like you are coping a little better today.

starswewillnavigate Established Member

starswewillnavigate

Posted
Posted
What do you think it is that you're clinging onto?

 

Part of me hopes we'll see each other again. Then I get angry at myself for basically "waiting" for him (not even sure at this point if he wants to see me), letting him call the shots and not voicing how I really feel. I know by going NC I can feel empowered but there's always that "what if?"

RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

Posted
Posted

Felt quite preoccupied yesterday. In the evening, out of nowhere, felt like I wanted to cry (very unusual for me) so locked myself in the bathroom for privacy and let it all out.

 

So many emotions: anger, loss, despair...

 

I feel angry not only because she's jumped straight into another relationship with the guy she cheated with and treats me like I don't exist and my feelings don't matter, but also because she hasn't acknowledged what she's done or acknowledged what I did for her over the last 3 years.

 

I think this means I'm moving forward. Want to give what I gave to someone who deserves it.

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