How are you coping today?

[RyanO1991]

Really rubbish start to the day, feeling really down, but trying my best to push through the feelings and just get on with life. I'm not the only broken hearted person in the world, I won't be the last to be cheated on and strung a long. I'm doing everything to move on, I have accepted it's over, tried to forgive to get rid of this hate. But it's just the stages you have to go through to make it to 'healed and moved on'. So I keep pushing on, looking after myself by eating well and getting out and exercising. I keep telling myself it's just time, make everyday count you will get there ... but it hurts. Let it hurt, let it bleed, let it heal and let it go.

 

You have a great sense of perspective, Kelley. The pain is horrible but it makes us human. I hope your day's improving - first thing in the morning can be the worst time when we haven't had anything to occupy us.

[sherbmeister]

Nothing like an ex's birthday to make you feel weird. I've been doing OK with coping, but his birthday is today, and I started to feel odd yesterday.

 

I hear ya... my birthday is coming up in November, I wonder if she'll remember and if she'll text me. I dunno, what the hell is going on anymore, shouldn't it get better, its been two months, I should be over this already but the more time passes the more I miss her. God I miss her so much!

[RyanO1991]

I'm also willing to bet that whatever his fiancée has planned for his birthday weekend, would pale in comparison.

 

Keep this in mind. You're deserve so much better and he's probably going to be kicking himself.

[Kelley]

I was actually asked out for a drink by a guy at work! I was flattered he is a great guy but my heart is not in it, and I know I'm far from ready, even just going for a drink! It's seems unfair doesn't it, ex in a new relationship and moved on and I can't even face going out for a drink and having a bit of fun! But I know in time I will be just not right now.

[RyanO1991]

I was actually asked out for a drink by a guy at work! I was flattered he is a great guy but my heart is not in it, and I know I'm far from ready, even just going for a drink! It's seems unfair doesn't it, ex in a new relationship and moved on and I can't even face going out for a drink and having a bit of fun! But I know in time I will be just not right now.

 

Just goes to show you've got a lot going for you. There will be other people and when you're ready you'll easily find someone else. A good and well-deserved boost for your confidence.

[RyanO1991]

Dropped off a bag with cards and presents that my ex had given me over the years, and other stuff that belonged to her. (Won't be able to take it with me to the new house).

 

Only problem was I saw that she was in and didn't want to surprise her with a visit, so ended up going all Napoleon Bonaparte and trying to devise a strategy. I went for parking my car around the corner, dumping the bag, knocking on the door, legging it to a fence which would give me cover and use that to walk to the car without being spotted.

 

NC successfully maintained.

Edited October 14, 2016 by RyanO1991

[RyanO1991]

Kept thinking about the future today, feeling excited about who Mrs Right will be and what she'll be like.

 

Spent so much time thinking I missed my ex but realise I'm just missing the good things about the relationship. Looking forward to a new start.

[Bialy]

Keep this in mind. You're deserve so much better and he's probably going to be kicking himself.

Thanks, Ryan.

[DarrenB]

I've noticed that times get exceptionally harder when you relate the days/dates to those of which you had previously spent with them. For instance, Fridays - we used to go out for dinner/cinema dates and either spend the rest of the night or evening at mine or hers. Cuddling and giving each other lovely intimacy. How I miss that. Closing to almost over two months without that now, time seems to be going alot longer to what I'd hoped for.

 

Her evening's are probably spent with her family, friends or a new partner, happy. Me? still dwelling during the evenings/nights, cry whilst spending my friday nights at the gym. How lovely. Oh well, if bad things happen I guess they're deserved

[Logo]

I've noticed that times get exceptionally harder when you relate the days/dates to those of which you had previously spent with them. For instance, Fridays - we used to go out for dinner/cinema dates and either spend the rest of the night or evening at mine or hers. Cuddling and giving each other lovely intimacy. How I miss that. Closing to almost over two months without that now, time seems to be going alot longer to what I'd hoped for.

 

Her evening's are probably spent with her family, friends or a new partner, happy. Me? still dwelling during the evenings/nights, cry whilst spending my friday nights at the gym. How lovely. Oh well, if bad things happen I guess they're deserved

 

We had a routine on the weekends. Now I dread the weekend. But it's not deserved. You're beating yourself up. It was her fault, her low character. My ex is too selfish to comprehend the meaning of the term "partnership".

[Bialy]

Well, after giving someone advice about NOT contacting their ex, I went ahead and wrote mine an email. I wrote: "Happy Birthday, R-- hope you have an amazing Friday and weekend. I know you will be spoiled!"

 

Ten minutes later, he wrote: "Thanks, Bun! Much appreciated. All the best to you....."

 

Bun was his nickname for me.

[DarrenB]

Well, after giving someone advice about NOT contacting their ex, I went ahead and wrote mine an email. I wrote: "Happy Birthday, R-- hope you have an amazing Friday and weekend. I know you will be spoiled!"

 

Ten minutes later, he wrote: "Thanks, Bun! Much appreciated. All the best to you....."

 

Bun was his nickname for me.

 

I feel both happy and sad for you...

[Bialy]

I feel both happy and sad for you...

That sums it up, more or less!

 

I received the email and didn't feel ecstatic or anything. A bit surprised that it was read and sent so quickly. I just view it as a friendly email response.

 

I overanalyze crap, so I'm reading the "All the best to you....." with all those extra "......" as his way of saying "okay, now go away."

[Kelley]

Had I contacted my ex on his birthday and received something similar it would have hurt me. Not sure what have been worse him ignoring me, or calling me by my nickname he gave me. I also feel happy and sad for you, he obviously still cares for you, but he didn't have the backbone to give things another try. He made his bed ...

 

 

Well, after giving someone advice about NOT contacting their ex, I went ahead and wrote mine an email. I wrote: "Happy Birthday, R-- hope you have an amazing Friday and weekend. I know you will be spoiled!"

 

Ten minutes later, he wrote: "Thanks, Bun! Much appreciated. All the best to you....."

 

Bun was his nickname for me.

[BevGB]

I'm a complete mess. Day 3 of NC (or LC since we work together) and I'm falling apart. I had to work 8 hours alone with him today. It was awkward and awful. Everything felt so forced. Every time we came near me my heart skipped just like the first time. When he was wasn't looking I broke down and cried a few times. He did try to have conversations with me but I just couldn't fake it. The pain is just too much. I came home and completely broke down.

 

Sometimes I don't wonder if he's not better off without me. I really want to have a chance with him again in the future but I know in my heart he's never coming back. I'm so lost. I don't know how to be better. I just wish this was over.

[Kelley]

Well I'm up at 5.30 on a weekend, so probably not coping that well. My head just keeps over analysing everything, the red flags, the lies etc. I'm hoping my head will get tired of this soon, so I can just have some peace! I just stopped and came on here for a bit, to take my mind off it. I'm planning a day away, going for a hike with my dog. Exercise always makes me feel a bit more positive. I hope you all have a good day, and you have some time out from the pain, keep your chin up, we will all get there, it just takes times.

[Bialy]

I'm a complete mess. Day 3 of NC (or LC since we work together) and I'm falling apart. I had to work 8 hours alone with him today. It was awkward and awful. Everything felt so forced. Every time we came near me my heart skipped just like the first time. When he was wasn't looking I broke down and cried a few times. He did try to have conversations with me but I just couldn't fake it. The pain is just too much. I came home and completely broke down.

 

Sometimes I don't wonder if he's not better off without me. I really want to have a chance with him again in the future but I know in my heart he's never coming back. I'm so lost. I don't know how to be better. I just wish this was over.

That's awful!!! Is this a type of job that you both will be in for a very long time?

 

A while ago, one of my friends had a guy break up with her after two years together -They worked together and she said it was absolutely excruciating. It was a small company. He would dodge her in the hallways and he would act cold, angry, distant and like she didn't exist. She would go to the restroom a lot to cry. Eventually, after a few months, he finally left the job and she was able to begin healing.

[BevGB]

It's a music store so it's retail. I've been with company for 12 years. He's been there around 3 years. So we're both pretty established. I think I might have been ok if it wasn't so sudden and close to the break up. I worked 12 hours because another co worker had a death in the family. I was the only person able to cover the shift.

 

I've been up all night wondering if I should see a doctor for depression. I really want to win him back one day but I can't do it like this.

[Nowty V]

I really want to win him back one day

 

You need to change this attitude.

 

No other person is key to your happiness or well-being, only you.

 

You are fixated on him for whatever reason, you've made an 'attachment' to him for whatever reason, the reasons are all you and within you.

 

I would suggest some 'talking therapy' [counselling] to see why you are doing this.

 

It is seriously NOTHING to do with him, but the prejudiced image you have of him, you need to investigate your prejudices, what they are and why they are.

 

You are making yourself ill with all of this.

 

He is of no consequence.

[RyanO1991]

Keep asking myself if I was right to leave the presents and cards she got me without seeing her face to face. Should I have waited for her to open the door and explain? Was I right to maintain NC?

 

What's done is done, I guess.

[RyanO1991]

I don't know how to be better.

 

Do you mean how to recover from this?

[Bialy]

Keep asking myself if I was right to leave the presents and cards she got me without seeing her face to face. Should I have waited for her to open the door and explain? Was I right to maintain NC?

 

What's done is done, I guess.

You did it right.

[RyanO1991]

You did it right.

 

Thank you, Bialy. She said she needed time to get her head straight and she would contact me to tell me whether or not we could make another go of it.

 

If she was genuinely willing to work like I've worked at moving forward, I would have accepted. But she acknowledged how I've made mistakes and addressed them, yet over a month has passed since we last spoke and she hasn't shown any acknowledgment of her emotional infidelity.

 

To me, if someone shows that they've worked hard to recognise and address their mistakes in a relationship, it shouldn't take a month to make a decision - especially if another guy is involved.

[Logo]

I had a weird dream last night and I woke up depressed.

 

In the dream I somehow end up on a conference call with my ex girlfriend and a friend of mine. My ex is not aware of the fact that I'm on the line. My friend is talking to her. I don't know why he'd be talking to her in the first place, but that's beside the point; it's a dream so it's not necessarily supposed to make sense.

 

I hear my ex talking to the guy she cheated on me with in the background. I get the impression they're in bed together because they talk about 'getting up'.

 

At some point my ex starts talking like a stereotypical teenage valley girl. She never talked like that, but as I said, it was a weird dream.

 

That's when I jump into the conversation and say, "So that's the real you, the real person you've been hiding from me while you pretended to be a different person when you were with me?

 

She starts saying something and that's when I hang up in her face.

 

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed and thinking to myself, "How did I end up on this call? Why did I talk to her or even listen to her talk?"

 

Then the dream ends and I wake up.

 

It's the weekend again. I need to keep myself busy. I used to look forward to the weekend. Now I dread it. Memories keep popping up in my head. If I start thinking of the intimate moments we shared, I could get very emotional. So I avoid that. I suppress it. I try to block it and think of something else.

 

But I feel lonely, even when I'm around people. There is no substitute for that special feeling of intimacy when you're with the person you feel a strong connection with.

 

Why were you so careless with our relationship, with my heart? Was I careless with your heart? Did I hurt you? We loved each other so much, but you had your own agenda. I was on cloud 9 when we spent time together. Then you started chipping away at the relationship. Love was my alibi.

 

I miss you. But I don't know who you are anymore. I want to be with you again, but I know I won't be able to to bring myself to do that, not after what you did. We're past the point of no return. The damage has been done. We're broken, and it takes two to fix us.

 

 

Time....'ll be the enemy

When you're locked in a world of pain

Days go floating byyyyyyy....

It just doesn't change

It just stays the same

 

Then you came along

And showed me how to start

Now the sun shines in my heart

The sun shines in my heart

 

I was so lost, now I'm found

The song they used to sing

On a Sunday afternoon

 

Love was my alibi

For all the life lost

Now you made love my reason

You made love my truth

You made love my truth

And the sun shines in my heart

 

Time.... is now a friend to me

You make me feel adored

When I look into your eyes....

It's like I've never been

Never been loved before

 

You showed me the way

Showed me how to start

Now the sun shines in my heart

The sun shines in my heart

 

I was so lost, now I'm found

The song they used to sing

On a Sunday afternoon

 

Love was my alibi

For all the life lost

Now you made love my reason

You made love my truth

You made love my reason

You made love my truth

 

And the sun shines in my heart.

 

Time....

Time....

 

~ Kris Fogelmark

 

Time to go and do something productive.

 

[Kelley]

Really crappy day today, even in a beautiful place, the sun shining and my heart is heavy and stomach in knots. Why is NC so difficult, why is my heart screaming for me to contact him? Has it forgotten he is with someone new now?

 

I have cried a lot today, it's good to let it out I know that. It must have been the mood I was in, but I was jealous of all the couples holding hands and looking happy. I even watched a guy carve a heart into the sand for his lover/girlfriend with their initials, then she gave him lots of kisses and a big hug. I remember when my ex did that for me, when we first went away for the weekend. To be in love the best feeling in the world, to be heartbroken pure hell. Tomorrow is another day, may it be better than today.