How are you coping today?

[sherbmeister]

Feeling better these last couple of weeks. I've even listened to "our song", without any problem, although I had had a few drinks! I think I'm moving to a new stage of the process. I've been feeling angry recently. I know I caused hurt for her, and I tried everything in my power to make up for that, but how the last few months went was unfair on me. The one thing hampering my progress at the moment is dreams of her. Luckily it's not every night, but when it does happen it really leaves its mark on me for the rest of that day. Happened last night, and I've been missing her, feeling lonely and down a bit today. I should be better tomorrow, as long as I don't dream we are still together again tonight. Apart from that, I'm beginning to feel a bit more indifferent to us being over, and don't think as much about what she might be doing now either. I'm getting tired of it all now, it has been exhausting. I know I've got further to go to be completely over it all, but I feel I'm a few steps closer to that goal.

 

What a coincidence... I just woke up and I had a dream about her aswell... our minds are so fked heh.. Time to start my **** day today.

[Kelley]

I'm not doing too good at the moment! It's lack of sleep, waking in the night and then almost like clockwork up at 4.30am everything going around my head and I can't drop back off. I'm suffering awful headaches and it's really getting me more down than the just the heartbreak. If anyone has any ideas on the sleep issues it would be appreciated.

[RyanO1991]

I'm not doing too good at the moment! It's lack of sleep, waking in the night and then almost like clockwork up at 4.30am everything going around my head and I can't drop back off. I'm suffering awful headaches and it's really getting me more down than the just the heartbreak. If anyone has any ideas on the sleep issues it would be appreciated.

 

This might be a silly question, but have you tried going to bed an hour or two earlier?

[Kelley]

I'm asleep by 10pm, then keep waking up, then up completely at stupid o'clock. I might have to look into some herbal medications or other ideas, as this is really getting me down. Never had problems sleeping before, 8 hours a night straight through!

 

This might be a silly question, but have you tried going to bed an hour or two earlier?

[RyanO1991]

I'm asleep by 10pm, then keep waking up, then up completely at stupid o'clock. I might have to look into some herbal medications or other ideas, as this is really getting me down. Never had problems sleeping before, 8 hours a night straight through!

 

Sometimes, I find that using reverse psychology helps. Telling yourself to stay awake and not to fall asleep can actually help people doze off.

 

My ex used to use Nytol and she said that helped.

[sherbmeister]

I'm asleep by 10pm, then keep waking up, then up completely at stupid o'clock. I might have to look into some herbal medications or other ideas, as this is really getting me down. Never had problems sleeping before, 8 hours a night straight through!

 

how about a bit of weed, not much, just enough to make you eat and sleep like a fluffball

[Bialy]

I'm doing well. Mostly now focused on my future and attempting to date. So far, I'm doing good on that front. Post-breakup, I went out with one person platonically for a few weeks. Not much of a connection. I've been on two dates with someone new, but I think I might like him more than he likes me. Still, I'm getting out there and meeting new people.

 

It has been just over a month since I saw him ex. He sent me an email yesterday - he still has no idea that I know he's engaged.

 

He wrote:

 

Hi, L---,

 

Hope you're doing well. Life is okay. Not bad, not great. Feeling stressed about money. Hope your life is on the upswing. Nice comfortable weather for biking.

 

Then he wrote about some recent TV shows he's been watching and a festival we would have attended together had we been together.

 

He ended it with: Thinking of you. Take care.

 

I guess he wants to be friends. I'm not there yet. I don't think I will be at that point for a very long time.

[sherbmeister]

I'm doing well. Mostly now focused on my future and attempting to date. So far, I'm doing good on that front. Post-breakup, I went out with one person platonically for a few weeks. Not much of a connection. I've been on two dates with someone new, but I think I might like him more than he likes me. Still, I'm getting out there and meeting new people.

 

It has been just over a month since I saw him ex. He sent me an email yesterday - he still has no idea that I know he's engaged.

 

He wrote:

 

Hi, L---,

 

Hope you're doing well. Life is okay. Not bad, not great. Feeling stressed about money. Hope your life is on the upswing. Nice comfortable weather for biking.

 

Then he wrote about some recent TV shows he's been watching and a festival we would have attended together had we been together.

 

He ended it with: Thinking of you. Take care.

 

I guess he wants to be friends. I'm not there yet. I don't think I will be at that point for a very long time.

 

hey, do you keep in touch though? or is this the first time he made contact. Did he dump you, or vice versa? It seems to me like hes trying to make contact and do something about it

[Bialy]

hey, do you keep in touch though? or is this the first time he made contact. Did he dump you, or vice versa? It seems to me like hes trying to make contact and do something about it

We don't keep in touch. The last time he made contact was a few weeks ago and the email was so weird and about how he's afraid his new partner was monitoring my emails at work... it made absolutely no sense.

 

We broke up back in late January 2016. But this summer he tried to make it seem like we would be able to get back together. That was a lie because he moved in with his new partner and she co-owns the house with him.

[Bialy]

As long as I don't physically see him, bump into him, or get a phone call from him -- I'm fine. Thankfully, I live in the city and he lives outside of it.

[Kelley]

It's really surreal this morning! I actually slept last night, I fell asleep at 9, slept through to 5.30am. No headache, no tiredness and I didn't wake up all upset thinking of my ex and her. I wonder if it had to do with the e-mail I wrote last night. I just let everything out, let rip, it took me an hour. Then I just deleted it, I didn't send it. Maybe I just needed to let it out, maybe I will continue to do that too. But I'm feeling more human this morning. It may not last all day, but I'm OK this morning and I'm happy with that

[RyanO1991]

Has anyone ever felt they had made lots of progress but felt like they've gone back to square one?

 

It's been 2 months but I feel like I'm missing her again. I have no idea why - she's so messed up she needs GPS to find her own armpits. She's about as spineless as a tapeworm (and just as irritating) and she can't have a conversation without using sign language half the time: I'd ask her how she was and end up watching what felt like the crappiest shadow puppetry show of all time! (My hearing is absolutely fine, by the way.)

 

I think I miss the old her and the intimacy. I seriously worry when I wonder what I would say if she asked to make another go of it. In terms of bad ideas, I know that would be right down there with my infamous marshmallow pizza, but I can't help thinking that I would actually consider it if she was willing to work hard at it.

[Kelley]

Do you miss her as a person? The way she laughs, her quirks or is it the blanket reasons like the affection, companionship etc? I have been thinking hard and I miss my ex going back to before the 'friend' came on the scene before I forgave him the first time. I could never trust him the same after that. I know if he said tomorrow it was all a mistake and I want you back I would say no. As he made his choice, and I again I wouldn't be able to look at him in the same way again. But yes I miss my best friend, how affectionate he was and loving, but that guy left a long time ago, that's who I miss.

 

 

Has anyone ever felt they had made lots of progress but felt like they've gone back to square one?

 

It's been 2 months but I feel like I'm missing her again. I have no idea why - she's so messed up she needs GPS to find her own armpits. She's about as spineless as a tapeworm (and just as irritating) and she can't have a conversation without using sign language half the time: I'd ask her how she was and end up watching what felt like the crappiest shadow puppetry show of all time! (My hearing is absolutely fine, by the way.)

 

I think I miss the old her and the intimacy. I seriously worry when I wonder what I would say if she asked to make another go of it. In terms of bad ideas, I know that would be right down there with my infamous marshmallow pizza, but I can't help thinking that I would actually consider it if she was willing to work hard at it.

[RyanO1991]

Do you miss her as a person? The way she laughs, her quirks or is it the blanket reasons like the affection, companionship etc? I have been thinking hard and I miss my ex going back to before the 'friend' came on the scene before I forgave him the first time. I could never trust him the same after that. I know if he said tomorrow it was all a mistake and I want you back I would say no. As he made his choice, and I again I wouldn't be able to look at him in the same way again. But yes I miss my best friend, how affectionate he was and loving, but that guy left a long time ago, that's who I miss.

 

You're absolutely right, Kelley. It's what she was and the friendship that I miss.

 

I used to love her quirks but after what she did, they tend to drive me up the wall when I remember them.

 

Thank you for this. It's helped a lot to have another perspective.

 

It's good to hear you say you don't want your ex back. You deserve so much better.

[Kelley]

We both deserve so much better, stay strong

 

It's good to hear you say you don't want your ex back. You deserve so much better.

[sherbmeister]

Has anyone ever felt they had made lots of progress but felt like they've gone back to square one?

 

It's been 2 months but I feel like I'm missing her again. I have no idea why - she's so messed up she needs GPS to find her own armpits. She's about as spineless as a tapeworm (and just as irritating) and she can't have a conversation without using sign language half the time: I'd ask her how she was and end up watching what felt like the crappiest shadow puppetry show of all time! (My hearing is absolutely fine, by the way.)

 

I think I miss the old her and the intimacy. I seriously worry when I wonder what I would say if she asked to make another go of it. In terms of bad ideas, I know that would be right down there with my infamous marshmallow pizza, but I can't help thinking that I would actually consider it if she was willing to work hard at it.

 

I actually felt like that today, because like a complete idiot, I snooped her facebook page... I couldn't help it. I feel like a stalker now, I saw how she liked this dudes pics, who liked her pics too, I know I'm being silly, but it's pretty hard seeing that. idk why. ugh

[RyanO1991]

I actually felt like that today, because like a complete idiot, I snooped her facebook page... I couldn't help it. I feel like a stalker now, I saw how she liked this dudes pics, who liked her pics too, I know I'm being silly, but it's pretty hard seeing that. idk why. ugh

 

I know it's hard. I haven't added her on FB so I haven't had to deal with that too much (to be honest, I'm at the stage where I don't care). Have you thought about blocking or unfriending her? At least then you won't be tortured by what may or may not be happening in her life.

[Wuku]

It suddenly hit me today, that she really means it, she is not coming back, and that she has no intention of contacting me again. Of course, I've known this for quite some time really, I've felt it before and thought I'd accepted it, but I think a part of me always hoped or believed we would meet again, and at least be friends. For some reason the realisation that that won't happen, and she clearly doesn't want it to, hit me like a ton of bricks today. I am alone, I won't ever have a relationship with her again. It's brought back some of the feelings of nervousness, panic and anxiety, and the fear of being on my own. However, I think it's a good thing to have experienced, and can only help me face up to things more and move forward.

 

I have never stalked her in any way, and she has no social media accounts even if I wanted to. The only thing I check occasionally is a property website, to see if she is selling her house and moving away as she had planned to do this year/next year. I'm half dreading the day her house is up for sale, and half feeling it would be a good thing. Part of me thinks it will help with my recovery and make me face the reality that we are nothing to each other anymore, and half of me feels panic that she will be gone and completely out of reach forever. I'm still holding onto something, however small, something I feel scared and sad of letting go of, something that feels so final, but I need to let it ALL go, which I'm struggling with. And preferably, I need to do it before she moves.

[Bialy]

I'm so tired of dating. I'm over my ex. I want my slice of happiness and peace with someone new.

 

Some of my close friends tell me that when I meet someone compatible, it shouldn't be hard or complicated. There should be mutual interest and drive to see one another.

 

I hate when I go on what I think are two great dates and I don't sense the other person has a level of excitement. I feed off that and I love that. When it's lacking, I lose interest.

 

Am I being unrealistic?

[sherbmeister]

I know it's hard. I haven't added her on FB so I haven't had to deal with that too much (to be honest, I'm at the stage where I don't care). Have you thought about blocking or unfriending her? At least then you won't be tortured by what may or may not be happening in her life.

 

Heh, already did that but the stalker in me has another account to login and snoop

[Bialy]

Nothing like an ex's birthday to make you feel weird. I've been doing OK with coping, but his birthday is today, and I started to feel odd yesterday.

 

I don't want to wish him a happy birthday, but I just wonder about how he's doing. Several months ago, I had a ridiculously cool birthday gift planned for him had we been together. It would have been easily the most amazing, thoughtful birthday trip I've ever given to anyone.

 

But it never happened. And maybe one day I will have an opportunity to plan out another special birthday surprise for a man in my life.

 

I'm also willing to bet that whatever his fiancée has planned for his birthday weekend, would pale in comparison.

[malebroken]

Feeling really down, struggling to concentrate on anything other than trying find a solution to win her back(know it's doing me no good n need to move on, just can't)

Up n down trying to rationalise.. one min hate for what she did breaking up with me, the next guilt of I wasn't better in the relationship, the next regret of how I handle the breakup n pushed her far further away(heated txts, not nice content)n still stupidly hope at times (we've broke up twice before n all over n each time she came back)

[Kelley]

Birthday's are hard, and Christmas is the next hurdle for me to jump. But like you said, I'm also looking forward to doing great things with the man in my life in the future. Even though it's a million miles from my mind at the moment, I have a lot of healing to do, but I stay optimistic.

 

 

Nothing like an ex's birthday to make you feel weird. I've been doing OK with coping, but his birthday is today, and I started to feel odd yesterday.

 

I don't want to wish him a happy birthday, but I just wonder about how he's doing. Several months ago, I had a ridiculously cool birthday gift planned for him had we been together. It would have been easily the most amazing, thoughtful birthday trip I've ever given to anyone.

 

But it never happened. And maybe one day I will have an opportunity to plan out another special birthday surprise for a man in my life.

 

I'm also willing to bet that whatever his fiancée has planned for his birthday weekend, would pale in comparison.

[Kelley]

It's a rollercoaster, each day bringing different emotions. All we can do is take one day at a time. Take care.

 

 

Feeling really down, struggling to concentrate on anything other than trying find a solution to win her back(know it's doing me no good n need to move on, just can't)

Up n down trying to rationalise.. one min hate for what she did breaking up with me, the next guilt of I wasn't better in the relationship, the next regret of how I handle the breakup n pushed her far further away(heated txts, not nice content)n still stupidly hope at times (we've broke up twice before n all over n each time she came back)

[Kelley]

Really rubbish start to the day, feeling really down, but trying my best to push through the feelings and just get on with life. I'm not the only broken hearted person in the world, I won't be the last to be cheated on and strung a long. I'm doing everything to move on, I have accepted it's over, tried to forgive to get rid of this hate. But it's just the stages you have to go through to make it to 'healed and moved on'. So I keep pushing on, looking after myself by eating well and getting out and exercising. I keep telling myself it's just time, make everyday count you will get there ... but it hurts. Let it hurt, let it bleed, let it heal and let it go.