How are you coping today?

[NIGHT1985]

It's only day 2 for me, so I'm raw in pain and angry at myself for being so stupid. I wish I had moved on 3 months ago when we broke up, instead of being a friend hoping we could work things out. You are now with her, not me. Why tell me you don't love her like you love me? But yet you stay with her. To keep me holding on? I have blocked your number and e-mail address. You made your choice and I have to move on, I just have to .....

 

 

 

Sucks doesn't it? Me and my ex broke up July 2015, but remained friends until this may. I thought things were going well, and that would work on us again, until she hit me with the words, "I've fallen in love with someone else".

[Pete2304]

Sucks doesn't it? Me and my ex broke up July 2015, but remained friends until this may. I thought things were going well, and that would work on us again, until she hit me with the words, "I've fallen in love with someone else".

 

Night seen your last few posts mate and whilst It won't help one bit just know that you aren't the only one going through this stupid bloody rollercoaster of trying to tell the world you are over it and moving on and that little bit of euphoria you feel when you convince yourself that's it and you are well rid of her only to crash a few hours later. Everything you've written, I'm there as well mate. Just felt compelled to say something because there are a lot of similarities in terms of the being friends that I experienced. I reckon if I had ten pounds for every time I've told a friend or one of my family that I don't want her back over the last few months, I'd be writing this sat on the beach drinking champagne. The despair is utterly shocking at times, some people move on quicker than others. For you, maybe it's going to take a long time, I know it will me but all we can do is trust that eventually it will be ok. I'm not convinced either but you never know.

[burnt]

Not well; at all.

 

Each day passing, it's getting worse, not better. I'm beyond tired. Filled with nothing but regret and intolerable anger and self hate for ruining the one good thing that finally came along in my life.

 

I know it's over; he said so with absolutely coldness. He told me never to call me ever again. I heard him. And yet, living in a complete state of denial--praying and hoping he'd call and change his mind. I know how delusional my own mind is. I can't accept it.

 

So I keep breathing, when I don't want to.

[DarrenB]

Life isn't getting easier, it's getting harder.

 

My motivation is lacking. In work, in fitness, in general. My mind constantly drains at the thought of her, as does my heart and soul. I have felt broken for more than 60 days now. The thought of a resolve is looking more distant as the days progress on.

 

It will also get a bunch harder and thoughts and emotions, negativty and pessimism will start flooding out of me when all the upcoming events approach. Her birthday is just under a month away, boxing day, christmas eve, christmas day, new years eve, new years day... most of these events I spent precious time with her. They were so special. She was so special. But she is gone.

 

I don't think she cares anymore, or if she even actually did. This might just be my negativity talking but I'm almost certain she's completely moved on and her, and her family have pretty much forgotten I have ever existed. This feeling sucks. The feeling that she is occupied with someone else and giving someone else all the satisfaction and ultimate love she has to offer, kills me a little more.

 

Mind's a mess. I'm a mess. Is there hope? no. Is there resolve? no. Is there willpower left? maybe about 5%.

 

Hope everyone has a lovely day and are graced with happiness and fulfillment.

[Kelley]

Yes I'm devastated, at least I won't be around for when he falls in love with her or if they ever decide to get married! You learn from every relationship preparing you for the next, this man taught me a lot, at least I have that. Lesson learned!

 

 

Sucks doesn't it? Me and my ex broke up July 2015, but remained friends until this may. I thought things were going well, and that would work on us again, until she hit me with the words, "I've fallen in love with someone else".

[Kelley]

I'm sure she still cares in her own way, and she will take memories of you with her. I don't think you ever forget anyone that touched your heart, I know I haven't the pain just fades and life goes on. My mum said be willing to go on alone, because not everyone that started with you, will finish with you. I think she has been on FB too much! But she has a point. Find the strength to carry on that's what I keep telling myself, one front in front of the other!

 

 

 

Life isn't getting easier, it's getting harder.

 

My motivation is lacking. In work, in fitness, in general. My mind constantly drains at the thought of her, as does my heart and soul. I have felt broken for more than 60 days now. The thought of a resolve is looking more distant as the days progress on.

 

It will also get a bunch harder and thoughts and emotions, negativty and pessimism will start flooding out of me when all the upcoming events approach. Her birthday is just under a month away, boxing day, christmas eve, christmas day, new years eve, new years day... most of these events I spent precious time with her. They were so special. She was so special. But she is gone.

 

I don't think she cares anymore, or if she even actually did. This might just be my negativity talking but I'm almost certain she's completely moved on and her, and her family have pretty much forgotten I have ever existed. This feeling sucks. The feeling that she is occupied with someone else and giving someone else all the satisfaction and ultimate love she has to offer, kills me a little more.

 

Mind's a mess. I'm a mess. Is there hope? no. Is there resolve? no. Is there willpower left? maybe about 5%.

 

Hope everyone has a lovely day and are graced with happiness and fulfillment.

[Kelley]

It's only day 3 for me, and it hurts like hell. I keep going through everything in my head, all the lines he fed me, was anything true? If I'm honest what is really cutting me is the fact 'she won'. She knew he was in a relationship, she interfered, pursued him, called me the other woman and now she has him. Don't get me wrong I know it takes two, but I have more respect for myself than going after another woman's man. I guess they will just have to work out between them, I'm with someone that cheated on his girlfriend and I'm with someone who was happy to get involved with someone with a girlfriend. It will rear it's ugly head once the honeymoon period has passed.

 

He always said I was a good woman and how lucky he was. I'm guessing that wasn't true either! I just have to try and stop torturing myself with it all. I do look at all the negatives and that I have dodged a bullet but I'm feeling so f@@ing angry! I really need to let this go for my own sanity, think of shutting it down as soon as it pops into my head. I was even thinking of sending him a message wishing him a happy birthday, I won't, so I will say it here instead happy birthday scumbag, good luck you are going to need it! Not too aggressive and angry right PS changed my profile picture, because that's how I'm feeling that lone tree, will change it again when I'm progressing!

Edited October 5, 2016 by Kelley

[RyanO1991]

It's only day 3 for me, and it hurts like hell. I keep going through everything in my head, all the lines he fed me, was anything true? If I'm honest what is really cutting me is the fact 'she won'. She knew he was in a relationship, she interfered, pursued him, called me the other woman and now she has him. Don't get me wrong I know it takes two, but I have more respect for myself than going after another woman's man. I guess they will just have to work out between them, I'm with someone that cheated on his girlfriend and I'm with someone who was happy to get involved with someone with a girlfriend. It will rear it's ugly head once the honeymoon period has passed.

 

He always said I was a good woman and how lucky he was. I'm guessing that wasn't true either! I just have to try and stop torturing myself with it all. I do look at all the negatives and that I have dodged a bullet but I'm feeling so f@@ing angry! I really need to let this go for my own sanity, think of shutting it down as soon as it pops into my head. I was even thinking of sending him a message wishing him a happy birthday, I won't, so I will say it here instead happy birthday scumbag, good luck you are going to need it! Not too aggressive and angry right PS changed my profile picture, because that's how I'm feeling that lone tree, will change it again when I'm progressing!

 

I can completely relate to this. People will tell you to stop thinking about it, but realistically that won't happen overnight.

 

We've been pushed aside for someone else after everything we've done for them and being told they don't want anyone else.

 

But who really loses? Us, who were lucky to get away? Or their new partner, who was so insecure that they had to chase somebody who was already in a relationship? Personally, I think the latter.

 

Stay strong. You're doing really well.

[RyanO1991]

Quite a breakthrough today. Contacted my ex's mother about a job she might be interested in. Had a really nice chat. She said I sounded a lot brighter and happier, and I explained it's a new me.

 

Not once did I even think about my ex, let alone mention her I think she's really getting out of my head now. Time will tell...

 

Just glad I can still keep in touch with her parents, who are really lovely people.

[DarrenB]

So, searching across my CPU and device hardrives/memory storages today for documents I require for my study and work... I stumble across a few pictures and screenshots of myself and my ex. Never knew a picture/s could explain so much to me.

 

Perhaps spent around an hour looking over the same 5 or so pictures I managed to save (ones of which I'm certain I deleted, I deleted all of them on everything out of spite and frustration). Also came across a silver-plaqued guitar plectrum with 'I pick you' engraved on it. This was given to me by her as a gift for my 17th Birthday. Ouch. Decided to keep the pictures in a random image folder on my desktop and kept the pick inside the box within one of my drawers. If I ever feel the need to reminisce of our sweet time together, then I can do so.

 

I hope she's not doing anything she shouldn't, and is completely focused on her own studies. I hope she is doing well and is healthy. Whereas I'm somewhat the opposite at the moment, what's the point in feeling regret and angry at someone? although they dissapear from your life, I'm sure they had their reasons. It may be hurting them too. Who knows. Evidently not me.

 

It's past midnight in the UK now... think I might just stay up tonight. Also drinking coffee for the first time in who knows how long... very minor first step to change perhaps?

 

Goodnight everyone

Edited October 5, 2016 by DarrenB

[Pete2304]

So, searching across my CPU and device hardrives/memory storages today for documents I require for my study and work... I stumble across a few pictures and screenshots of myself and my ex. Never knew a picture/s could explain so much to me.

 

Perhaps spent around an hour looking over the same 5 or so pictures I managed to save (ones of which I'm certain I deleted, I deleted all of them on everything out of spite and frustration). Also came across a silver-plaqued guitar plectrum with 'I pick you' engraved on it. This was given to me by her as a gift for my 17th Birthday. Ouch. Decided to keep the pictures in a random image folder on my desktop and kept the pick inside the box within one of my drawers. If I ever feel the need to reminisce of our sweet time together, then I can do so.

 

I hope she's not doing anything she shouldn't, and is completely focused on her own studies. I hope she is doing well and is healthy. Whereas I'm somewhat the opposite at the moment, what's the point in feeling regret and angry at someone? although they dissapear from your life, I'm sure they had their reasons. It may be hurting them too. Who knows. Evidently not me.

 

It's past midnight in the UK now... think I might just stay up tonight. Also drinking coffee for the first time in who knows how long... very minor first step to change perhaps?

 

Goodnight everyone

 

You may not believe me right now mate but you are very young and in time you will be able to look back at this relationship with fondness. I was with my first girlfriend from 13 to 21 and ten years after we broke up I still think about her but in a nice way. When someone cheats or hurts you it's awful but this is just a nice memory you will always have. The first time you really fall for someone is a feeling that can never quite be replaced but there's a whole world out there mate that will make you feel and think other things you haven't yet experienced. This may sound stupidly patronising but I'm only saying it because it's what will happen.

[DarrenB]

You may not believe me right now mate but you are very young and in time you will be able to look back at this relationship with fondness. I was with my first girlfriend from 13 to 21 and ten years after we broke up I still think about her but in a nice way. When someone cheats or hurts you it's awful but this is just a nice memory you will always have. The first time you really fall for someone is a feeling that can never quite be replaced but there's a whole world out there mate that will make you feel and think other things you haven't yet experienced. This may sound stupidly patronising but I'm only saying it because it's what will happen.

 

Hi Pete. That is indeed true. I mean at the start of it being considered a 'fresh breakup' I think it's completely mandatory to think the worst of the other half and your time together, especially if it ended on horrible terms. But as everyday progresses, although I feel worse, the way I see her and the R/S is different. More so in a positive manner than a negative one.

 

That's incredible. At that age I never would have imagined a lasting R/S or one at all let alone one for such a long-term duration... It's also sad that it had ended for you. My sincere commiserations.

 

I think for a 'youngster' I've experienced quite alot in regards to living experiences. So I'm unsure of a road to enlightenment from here, but I do hope to aim to reach it at some point, with or without her. Truth is, we are still both somewhat incredibly young, but especially from your own experience, it's something you expect to stick with you indefinitely. I imagined everything with her, I intended to apply it (yes, I know, very cliche thing to say but I did and still do).

 

I hope that in time, our paths will meet again. Whether it be weeks, months, years from now. I hope she will grow and show the maturity and the experience of which I had teached her. Continue to be the independent but reliable woman she wants to be when she is older. She wants to be a teacher once she's finished her studies. I do not need the satisfaction of another girl/women in my life. I'm capable of (somewhat) happiness by myself w/o having someone with me. I'll think about her too much otherwise and I don't want to put that on someone else who would be considered a potential future partner.

 

Being young sucks. Roll on 20+ I say!

[Pete2304]

Hi Pete. That is indeed true. I mean at the start of it being considered a 'fresh breakup' I think it's completely mandatory to think the worst of the other half and your time together, especially if it ended on horrible terms. But as everyday progresses, although I feel worse, the way I see her and the R/S is different. More so in a positive manner than a negative one.

 

That's incredible. At that age I never would have imagined a lasting R/S or one at all let alone one for such a long-term duration... It's also sad that it had ended for you. My sincere commiserations.

 

I think for a 'youngster' I've experienced quite alot in regards to living experiences. So I'm unsure of a road to enlightenment from here, but I do hope to aim to reach it at some point, with or without her. Truth is, we are still both somewhat incredibly young, but especially from your own experience, it's something you expect to stick with you indefinitely. I imagined everything with her, I intended to apply it (yes, I know, very cliche thing to say but I did and still do).

 

I hope that in time, our paths will meet again. Whether it be weeks, months, years from now. I hope she will grow and show the maturity and the experience of which I had teached her. Continue to be the independent but reliable woman she wants to be when she is older. She wants to be a teacher once she's finished her studies. I do not need the satisfaction of another girl/women in my life. I'm capable of (somewhat) happiness by myself w/o having someone with me. I'll think about her too much otherwise and I don't want to put that on someone else who would be considered a potential future partner.

 

Being young sucks. Roll on 20+ I say!

 

Well mate I spent three hours last night and have done plenty of times recently chatting to the girl in question. 10 years down the line we are back in touch and although there is no desire from either of us to get back together we've laughed and chatted about old times and also about what's going on in both our lives now. She's become a friend again after all these years and there's every chance that could happen for you. Funnily enough, she's a teacher. She's actually teaching in South Korea and enjoying her life and I couldn't be happier for her. You will be ok pal, took me a year before I had a relationship with anyone else after her and there's nothing wrong with that, take your time.

[Kelley]

Well it's my exes birthday today, and I know he will be celebrating it with his new g/f. No idea where or how which suits me. I won't be sending him a message today, as I know it may set me back. Thing is I still worry if I don't send one he will think I don't care. But I have to accept he doesn't care about me anymore, he made a choice and has moved on, now it's my turn. I have to realise I have self respect and who with a clear mind would have give him a second thought after what he dd to me? I guess the whole situation has knocked my confidence. When you give everything and it's not enough. But that is down to him, I guess we were not meant to be, and she was the one all along. I will find the one for me one day too. And when I'm snuggled up to him, happy I will be glad I went through this to enable him to find me.

 

He is still the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep and the first when I wake, I love this guy with everything I have, but I'm letting go and going down the path to heal, it's painful but it will be worth it in the end.

[RyanO1991]

Well it's my exes birthday today, and I know he will be celebrating it with his new g/f. No idea where or how which suits me. I won't be sending him a message today, as I know it may set me back. Thing is I still worry if I don't send one he will think I don't care. But I have to accept he doesn't care about me anymore, he made a choice and has moved on, now it's my turn. I have to realise I have self respect and who with a clear mind would have give him a second thought after what he dd to me? I guess the whole situation has knocked my confidence. When you give everything and it's not enough. But that is down to him, I guess we were not meant to be, and she was the one all along. I will find the one for me one day too. And when I'm snuggled up to him, happy I will be glad I went through this to enable him to find me.

 

He is still the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep and the first when I wake, I love this guy with everything I have, but I'm letting go and going down the path to heal, it's painful but it will be worth it in the end.

 

Good for you, Kelley. Not contacting him is a great idea.

 

I really admire your mindset - it's down to him.

 

Keep remembering that you gave everything you could - you were selfless, loyal and loving, which makes you an excellent partner. He's the one who screwed up. You're the best person in all this.

[NIGHT1985]

I have so much hate in my heart, for myself. Why didn't I work on the things she asked me... they weren't much... why did I feel invincible, and feel like nothing could drive her away?

 

I know she's much happier with him, and that I should accept that and find peace in it, but I can't, I'm still so selfish

[Bialy]

Sitting here at work and I have to say I'm a little disturbed by the email my ex sent me last week.

 

Basically, it didn't make any sense and he's worried that his current partner is spying on me at work -- e.g. he says she has someone who is listening to my conversations and reading my work emails.

 

This is false.

 

This bothers the hell out of me. Initially, I thought I'd ignore the email. But now I'm wondering if I make sure he realizes that his fiancée is lying and my "career prospects" are not in "danger."

 

Weird.

Edited October 6, 2016 by Bialy

[juniorrocha]

Sorry, this will be long, I just need a place to vent.

 

It's been a month since me and ex got back in touch. Last month I went to a party and she was there. I didn't recognize her when I saw her, I also didn't feel anything and I felt like it was over. Then I saw her crying after seeing me. And that made me go 2 days not sleeping well, thinking of that image all the time. I wanted to see her to make things lighter or something; so I contacted her. And we've been "dating" since that.

 

During the first few days seeing her, I was right: I didn't feel anything anymore. In fact, I was seeing other girls, having sex with them, and finding it all very pleasing. But still, she was the only one I looked forward seeing again. I was just enjoying it all, then I realized that it'd been more than 2 weeks since I've been with another girl and my feelings for her were coming back. I'm either starting to love her again, or I never stopped - the feelings were just 'sleeping'.

 

We never made things official again, but I thought it was. How couldn't I? She would look me in the eye and say she loves me. Called me her boyfriend and used our names. Mentioned a few times that she would love to live with me. Yesterday she said: "things are so easy going now, if it keeps going this way I'll marry you". It was a joke, but I know she meant it.

 

Then today we were supposed to meet. I was tired, I fell asleep shortly before leaving. My fault, I know. This is my worst flaw: I can't manage my time well. And although it's hard, I've been trying to fix it. Well, still I was on my way, like 20 minutes late, but she said she wouldn't wait. I apologized and asked her to stay. She said she wouldn't. So I bought her dinner, went to her house so I could apologize in person and called her so she could come out (can't go in yet, her parents are unaware we're "back" for now). She did, but she was cold. I wanted to get past this, but she didn't help. "This is the best part of not being in a relationship with you: I don't have to wait for you"; "I have no obligations with you"; "it's already late, you should go" (it was about 7:30pm then, I normally stay until 10 or so).

 

I came home feeling quite sad. I know there was a mistake on my side, but I tried to make things right and she was simply indifferent or pulling me away. How can someone yesterday say she loves me and all of what I mentioned and then not seem to care at all? We text every night after getting home. Today we didn't. She didn't initiate, I was hurt and didn't either.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm not sure this is what I want. And what happened tonight triggered the thought that "although I love her, I should let her go for my own happiness". I'm getting tired of fighting for someone who says so much but doesn't do much.

[Kelley]

It was a real rollercoaster of a day yesterday emotions wise. Going from 'OK' so sad to angry. The anger really consumes me and it takes a lot for me to release it. I have to go for a walk or try and write down what I'm feeling. I didn't send him a birthday text yesterday so my pride is still in tact if nothing else. This is just so painful and all consuming at the moment. I think back and I see the signs over the last three months, his feelings were changing and even though I lived in hope he would come back, his heart was going elsewhere. He used me in a lot of ways, and I really regret not walking away when he said he needed 'space'.

 

It's so hard when you are in the middle of things to see clearly, your heart rules everything and you just want the pain to stop. If that means trying to get back with someone that disrespected you in so many ways, you still try! It's hard to take that step back until you are forced to or someone says look this is how it is! I have that step back now and I feel used and stupid. But like I have said before it's the fact that she won in the end. But then I think what has she won exactly?

 

I'm not sleeping properly at the moment I keep waking in the night, thinking about where it went wrong, why I didn't see the signs, the lies he told me. When he told me I was the best woman he had ever met, talking about our future and where we would travel to. I just tell myself I will be OK and I will survive this. Feel the feelings, process them and move on. It's only day 5 of NC too, I suspect in 5 weeks I will be feeling a bit better, in 5 months hopefully over it! It's just time, and taking each day as it comes I know that. I hope today will be better than yesterday!

 

Thinking of all those going through the pain too, may we stand strong together.

[Kelley]

If I'm honest I think she was just annoyed you were late. She didn't handle it very well, but I suspect she will be kicking herself the next day for how she did and will be embarrassed to get in touch first. You should just send her a message asking how she is, to break the stale mate so to speak. Love doesn't go overnight, she was just feeling a bit let down, and I think went a bit far. I think you taking her dinner was a lovely gesture. You need to decide if you can handle this behaviour, if she does make you happy and you are trying again for all the right reasons. Good luck.

 

 

Sorry, this will be long, I just need a place to vent.

 

It's been a month since me and ex got back in touch. Last month I went to a party and she was there. I didn't recognize her when I saw her, I also didn't feel anything and I felt like it was over. Then I saw her crying after seeing me. And that made me go 2 days not sleeping well, thinking of that image all the time. I wanted to see her to make things lighter or something; so I contacted her. And we've been "dating" since that.

 

During the first few days seeing her, I was right: I didn't feel anything anymore. In fact, I was seeing other girls, having sex with them, and finding it all very pleasing. But still, she was the only one I looked forward seeing again. I was just enjoying it all, then I realized that it'd been more than 2 weeks since I've been with another girl and my feelings for her were coming back. I'm either starting to love her again, or I never stopped - the feelings were just 'sleeping'.

 

We never made things official again, but I thought it was. How couldn't I? She would look me in the eye and say she loves me. Called me her boyfriend and used our names. Mentioned a few times that she would love to live with me. Yesterday she said: "things are so easy going now, if it keeps going this way I'll marry you". It was a joke, but I know she meant it.

 

Then today we were supposed to meet. I was tired, I fell asleep shortly before leaving. My fault, I know. This is my worst flaw: I can't manage my time well. And although it's hard, I've been trying to fix it. Well, still I was on my way, like 20 minutes late, but she said she wouldn't wait. I apologized and asked her to stay. She said she wouldn't. So I bought her dinner, went to her house so I could apologize in person and called her so she could come out (can't go in yet, her parents are unaware we're "back" for now). She did, but she was cold. I wanted to get past this, but she didn't help. "This is the best part of not being in a relationship with you: I don't have to wait for you"; "I have no obligations with you"; "it's already late, you should go" (it was about 7:30pm then, I normally stay until 10 or so).

 

I came home feeling quite sad. I know there was a mistake on my side, but I tried to make things right and she was simply indifferent or pulling me away. How can someone yesterday say she loves me and all of what I mentioned and then not seem to care at all? We text every night after getting home. Today we didn't. She didn't initiate, I was hurt and didn't either.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm not sure this is what I want. And what happened tonight triggered the thought that "although I love her, I should let her go for my own happiness". I'm getting tired of fighting for someone who says so much but doesn't do much.

[Sunnymae]

Sucks doesn't it? Me and my ex broke up July 2015, but remained friends until this may. I thought things were going well, and that would work on us again, until she hit me with the words, "I've fallen in love with someone else".

 

I'm sorry. I've stayed in contact with my ex too. Why do we do this to ourselves?

[DarrenB]

Still hurting, still broke in a sense.

 

Have the sudden urge to do everything in my will and what I can to show her that things, in time, get better and can be fixed. But for it to backfire would set me back further than ever, even now.

 

Hoping she comes back. Hoping I can stop feeling like this soon. I love her, ah.

[Bialy]

The thing that really keeps me anxious is not so much the past (my ex) - but the future.

 

What will my life look like 1 year from now... 5 years from now... 10 years from now...

 

.

[DarrenB]

The thing that really keeps me anxious is not so much the past (my ex) - but the future.

 

What will my life look like 1 year from now... 5 years from now... 10 years from now...

 

.

 

Better than you could ever imagine :-)

 

The future can be very spontaneous, but I'm certain you especially will be further than you could have ever imagined. The past will not interfere with your future, nor will or should you let it.

 

You may even find your own potential, perpetual partner in that time... always a nice thought.

[Bialy]

Definitely.

 

I sway back and forth. Sometimes I worry (like yesterday evening) and then other days I feel calm and at peace.

 

What I don't like is when people who are in relationships for 5+ years tell me I should be happy to be single and relieved to not have "to deal with" another person.

 

Of course, all of these people have someone to grow old with and to share life's moments. Would they really give that up to be single?! Doubt it.

 

I'd like to share my life with someone.