How are you coping today?

October 2, 2016

Seems as though my insomnia and sleep deprivation has actually seemed to settle down quite alot since the B/U. Of course the pessimistic side and the constant hopelessness still ravages me along with still coming to terms with losing her... but it's nice to know something is quietening down, even it's just for the meantime.

I'm trying to build a foundation from what went wrong; trial and error I guess. I still can't help but think every waking minute of her though. How she is, what she is doing, who she is doing these things with... most importantly, our memories. Damn, hits me hard, every single one of them. Even listening to the Stereophonics 'You gotta go there to come back' album. The album we had listened to whilst... yeah. But, most importantly, if she's okay. The girl was a completely changed person whilst being with me (no arrogance intended, this was just completely evident), and I hope she continues to be this way and thrive as a person. Very intelligent, magnificent in many ways, but no longer mine, no longer my priority.

Please keep focused, you will learn to love again another day.

October 2, 2016

went out tonight with my cousin for drinks. spoke to 4 different women in one night, in one place lol. No cares given. Not even interested in there numbers, dating, nothing. I had a blast. The most fun I have had in a while. spoke to them like I would to a guy or a friend. One wanted to hang out I said no. I was honest with her. I told her I do not date women anymore, want to meet there family, start another relationship, etc. I just talk for fun now and thats it.

epic night. 4 women. I did work. Lots of work went on tonight. It has to be the testosterone therapy. Test is best!!!!! :laugh:

October 2, 2016

Empty... that's how I feel today. I am home office in my apartment which she was a big part of. I get the thoughts here in this place more than anywhere else but I am either healing or just totally empty and closed myself up because I no longer feel the need to cry.

Rather I can't cry about her anymore. I think I've accepted things.

One thing is for sure though - I KNOW I am not over her because I still smell the stuff around my apartment sometimes as wierd as it sounds hoping to sense her again. Then I quickly discard that thought and focus my mind on something else.

Yeah... empty... or healing...

October 2, 2016

I made the mistake of going out last night and trying to hit on women. All I got were rejections. Now I feel like I don't want to even socialize. I feel crappy. Bad timing. I should focus on boosting my self confidence by doing the things I enjoy doing and keeping myself busy.

October 2, 2016

Seems as though my insomnia and sleep deprivation has actually seemed to settle down quite alot since the B/U.

I'm still dealing with sleeplessness, but it's getting better.

I'm trying to build a foundation from what went wrong; trial and error I guess.

I think of some of mistakes I have made along the way and I wonder how much weight they had in affecting the relationship. Although, all along, I feel I was more committed to the relationship than she was. I do have my regrets, things I did, things I have said.

I still can't help but think every waking minute of her though. How she is, what she is doing, who she is doing these things with... most importantly, our memories. Damn, hits me hard, every single one of them. Even listening to the Stereophonics 'You gotta go there to come back' album. The album we had listened to whilst... yeah.

Same here. But, I try not to think of the memories, the good memories. I have suppressed them because otherwise I couldn't function. But, I do have my triggers like songs, places we have been together, inside jokes, certain habits I developed while with her.

All these send me into an emotional storm and then I try to get a grip on things and focus on the task at hand. Every time I pass by places where we had a beautiful moment together, I think of her. I know I can't avoid them. When I wake up in the morning, I think of how I felt when my eyes met her eyes and she was next to me, how her warmth felt, her affection. October feels colder than usual without her in my life.

I keep entertaining the notion that there is still away to fix things and get back together, that she might contact me and say, "I'm very sorry for what I did and I want to work things out."

But, deep inside, I know it's over.

October 2, 2016

I'm still dealing with sleeplessness, but it's getting better.

I think of some of mistakes I have made along the way and I wonder how much weight they had in affecting the relationship. Although, all along, I feel I was more committed to the relationship than she was. I do have my regrets, things I did, things I have said.

Same here. But, I try not to think of the memories, the good memories. I have suppressed them because otherwise I couldn't function. But, I do have my triggers like songs, places we have been together, inside jokes, certain habits I developed while with her.

All these send me into an emotional storm and then I try to get a grip on things and focus on the task at hand. Every time I pass by places where we had a beautiful moment together, I think of her. I know I can't avoid them. When I wake up in the morning, I think of how I felt when my eyes met her eyes and she was next to me, how her warmth felt, her affection. October feels colder than usual without her in my life.

I keep entertaining the notion that there is still away to fix things and get back together, that she might contact me and say, "I'm very sorry for what I did and I want to work things out."

But, deep inside, I know it's over.

You've made a massive step in accepting it's over. You're doing really well. I guess moving forward can't be done in a straight line - it feels more like being a ball in a pinball machine. Sometimes we feel like we move up, but sometimes we get bounced around.

I don't know if it will help, but when I'm reminded of a good memory and start to miss my ex, I consciously think of something I don't miss. For example, when I walk past the place we had our first kiss, I think of the place where she first farted on my lap.

October 2, 2016

I don't know if it will help, but when I'm reminded of a good memory and start to miss my ex, I consciously think of something I don't miss. For example, when I walk past the place we had our first kiss, I think of the place where she first farted on my lap.

That's funny. Thanks.

October 2, 2016

It's now been 16 months since we split up, and 4 months since we called off being friends... Why does it feel so fresh? Every memory feels just like yesterday, they're so clear in my head, I can't push them away.

I'm torturing myself, nothing is keeping my focus, she's always in my head to haunt me. I'm so ready for this trip to be over, I need some psychiatric help.

October 2, 2016

It's now been 16 months since we split up, and 4 months since we called off being friends... Why does it feel so fresh? Every memory feels just like yesterday, they're so clear in my head, I can't push them away.

I'm torturing myself, nothing is keeping my focus, she's always in my head to haunt me. I'm so ready for this trip to be over, I need some psychiatric help.

Night, are you still connected to her via social media? That won't help!

October 2, 2016

You've made a massive step in accepting it's over. You're doing really well. I guess moving forward can't be done in a straight line - it feels more like being a ball in a pinball machine. Sometimes we feel like we move up, but sometimes we get bounced around.

I don't know if it will help, but when I'm reminded of a good memory and start to miss my ex, I consciously think of something I don't miss. For example, when I walk past the place we had our first kiss, I think of the place where she first farted on my lap.

Hah!

I do the same - whenever a good memory comes to mind, I remember a weird or uncomfortable memory with my ex.

October 3, 2016

The constant thoughts and pleasant memories won't subside until you've truly and thoroughly accepted that the relationship is over and likely will never be again. The second phase is subconsciously viewing yourself as a single entity and not enmeshed with your ex. Going through it myself I can attest to this. I'm now in the second phase FINALLY. It took over a year and tons of starts and stops of remaining in contact (my doing) and checking up on her now fiance via social media. Once I conquered that urge my recovery began to come at a much faster rate. Now I'm not saying I never get hit with a wave of that pain but it is much less frequent and it goes away fast.

Until you can say to yourself I may miss her/him but I am ready to move on and I see myself apart from my ex, it will be a struggle.

October 3, 2016

Absolutely bloody dreadfully today. Like an idiot I sent my ex a song (Christina Novelli save us) the other night. Had a few to drink and shouldn't have done it but heard nothing back until tonight when she's text me to tell me how lovely the song is and so I instantly rang her. She's obviously had a drink but there's a quiver in her voice when I ask her if this is truly what she wants, is it really him. She can't answer and then we've ended up having a row over nothing and she's ended the conversation by telling me she will give her new boyfriend a call and get him round to spend the night with her because that's what she wants. So now I feel sick to my stomach, my heart is beating a million miles an hour and I'm back to square one. Yet again. I know NC is the best way but let's face it, just doesn't happen. I feel like I'm drowning in this right now.

October 3, 2016

I know NC is the best way but let's face it, just doesn't happen. I feel like I'm drowning in this right now.

It doesn't happen because you're believing it doesn't happen.

It will only happen if you're focused enough for it; else you'll just end up getting hurt more and more.

Don't call your ex, don't go after her, she's with someone new now. And she made it clear she wants to be with him.

It's like an addiction; the urge will only go away when you give it time enough to live without needing it. Be patient and don't give in. You can do it.

October 4, 2016

It doesn't happen because you're believing it doesn't happen.

It will only happen if you're focused enough for it; else you'll just end up getting hurt more and more.

Don't call your ex, don't go after her, she's with someone new now. And she made it clear she wants to be with him.

It's like an addiction; the urge will only go away when you give it time enough to live without needing it. Be patient and don't give in. You can do it.

I have the breaking strength of a matchstick when it comes to her. She just seems to leave it a week or so then drop me a text. It's over and I know that but it's like she's desperate just to check I'm still there. I know you say be strong but how? When she messaged tonight, I'm not being dramatic here, I literally just sat down on the nearest garden wall and every other thought had gone other than to ring her. I don't know how to not do it and I can't block her number because there is a little one involved.

October 4, 2016

Today, most of my thoughts centered around her flaws and her negative, immature behaviors to the point that I started asking myself, why the heck did I stick around for so long?

I checked out of the relationship weeks before the break up, but I wanted to give it a chance. I think I got used to her and enjoyed her company, the laughs. Good times. We had fun. But then things went sour and by then the relationship was on crutches. She desperately and constantly tried to be -- in what she believed was -- in control by playing games, lying and manipulating.

I will find the right person for me. I know she admired me. But, she didn't appreciate me. She didn't know what it meant to be in a healthy relationship.

I know who I am and I know my self worth. At least I have the integrity, honesty, and the loyalty that she sorely lacks. And those are very important in a healthy relationship.

October 4, 2016

You know what? I feel good today. I feel like myself. Today was a solid day.

October 4, 2016

I'm wondering how she is. Wondering what she is thinking, who she may potentially be with. It sounds typical, but I am worried for her. Everything we had done together, was (hopefully) done out of love and trust at the time... I do not want her doing the same thing with other people, just because she feels she has to be obliged to in order to overcome our B/U. It essentially makes me all the more jealous. I don't even know how she is feeling about it. I'm sure she's handling it well. The thought of her being with someone else already, and I don't know about it increases my insecurities all the more. I guess in a way I need the satisfaction that she is infact moving on, so that I can forget. Truth is, I don't see myself at any point doing so.

I wish her well. I hope the youth she is currently progressing with in life, makes her more motivated and determined to go further than where she was with myself. I know she can do it. I hope her maturity grows, as well as her standards for herself and her self-esteem. I sincerely hope she does not go down the route of trying so hard to find someone, or become something she is not. Stay the girl I fell in love with, things will be easy for you that way. You will find someone else.

If our paths cross again in time, things shall be different. If not, I will continuously hope that she finds someone worthy of her. Take your time with everything. Finish your studies, become what you set out to be. Experience everything you feel you should. After all, you deserve the best. Save the bitterness for another life. Do not dwell into revenge, fall into self-preservation. When the time is right, I'm sure things for the both of us will continue to look up. Well, for you anyway. I am what they would say 'stuck in a rut', indefinitely.

I miss you. I am sorry for burdening you with commitment, love and pressure. Maybe things moved too quickly. Maybe I/we should have waited until the time was right. I felt it was right, i'm sure you did too. I do not regret - every memory with you is one I shall cherish for the rest of my living days. I hope in time, you'll understand the hardships in life and how people experience many things that they do not wish to announce, even to loved and trusted ones. Maybe I should have, but I did not.

Godspeed.

Edited October 4, 2016 by DarrenB

October 4, 2016

It's only day 2 for me, so I'm raw in pain and angry at myself for being so stupid. I wish I had moved on 3 months ago when we broke up, instead of being a friend hoping we could work things out. You are now with her, not me. Why tell me you don't love her like you love me? But yet you stay with her. To keep me holding on? I have blocked your number and e-mail address. You made your choice and I have to move on, I just have to .....

October 4, 2016

Today, most of my thoughts centered around her flaws and her negative, immature behaviors to the point that I started asking myself, why the heck did I stick around for so long?

Exactly. Hopefully, it didn't cost you any money.

October 4, 2016

After 5 months I feel numb, I know he'll never give me what I want in a relationship. I've accepted that he's not going to reciprocate the way I felt for him. I know that any text he send is just hus way of keeping me on the back burner. Actually, he basically stated that Maybe if it didn't work out we could try. Really!! As)&whole was that supposed to make me feel better, fu)&@ing Narcissist. Sorry, to break it to you A#%hole but do you really think that I'll be here waiting?? I guess I must seem pretty pathetic that I'll just sit around waiting for you. I don't care for your bread crumbs. I'm pretty much going to stop replying to your stupid text. I.e. "I made mojitos" who the F#%*# cares. I can't believe you said you wanted to stay friends in case of an emergency. WTF you have a girlfriend, let her come to your rescue. Stop texting me, you don't have any interest in me sexually or as a GF. I just wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you or even half as much.

INDIFFERENCE is all you'll get from me. So maybe, you'll get a clue and Stop texting with stupid ****, you have another girl, text her.

October 4, 2016

I felt SO good this morning and I felt like I was really making progress, but I just broke down crying at work. I feel better now again, but damn... this is so hard sometimes...

October 4, 2016

After 5 months I feel numb, I know he'll never give me what I want in a relationship. I've accepted that he's not going to reciprocate the way I felt for him. I know that any text he send is just hus way of keeping me on the back burner. Actually, he basically stated that Maybe if it didn't work out we could try. Really!! As)&whole was that supposed to make me feel better, fu)&@ing Narcissist. Sorry, to break it to you A#%hole but do you really think that I'll be here waiting?? I guess I must seem pretty pathetic that I'll just sit around waiting for you. I don't care for your bread crumbs. I'm pretty much going to stop replying to your stupid text. I.e. "I made mojitos" who the F#%*# cares. I can't believe you said you wanted to stay friends in case of an emergency. WTF you have a girlfriend, let her come to your rescue. Stop texting me, you don't have any interest in me sexually or as a GF. I just wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you or even half as much.
INDIFFERENCE is all you'll get from me. So maybe, you'll get a clue and Stop texting with stupid ****, you have another girl, text her.

Well-made mojitos are simply a luxury you can't miss though!

October 4, 2016

I felt SO good this morning and I felt like I was really making progress, but I just broke down crying at work. I feel better now again, but damn... this is so hard sometimes...

If it's any consulation, it does get easier. The ups and downs seem to go on for ages - like a yo-yo - but I've found recently that they're gradually becoming less extreme. I hope that's the case for you, too.

Stay strong!

And great choice of avatar, by the way.

Edited October 4, 2016 by RyanO1991

October 4, 2016

And great choice of avatar, by the way.

I second that.

October 4, 2016

Over the grief now. I really don't miss her.

A lot of the time, I feel so relieved to have gotten away from her. Sometimes I feel angry, but then I realise it's because I know I deserve to be treated much better, because I'm a good person and I was a good boyfriend.

Listened to "We Have All the Time in the World" by Louis Armstrong earlier and a montage of my time with her went through my head. Nothing romantic - just memories of hearing unflattering noises coming from the bathroom while she was on the toilet, her clumsy attempts at foreplay which usually ended up with me wincing in pain, tackling her 3 day tower of washing up like Indiana Jones trying to unhook a diamond from a booby-trapped tomb, her rolling over in bed and blasting me with breath that smelt like rotten sausages, and her chronic flatulence (her sitting on my lap meant that I could rarely wear one pair of jeans for more than one day).

Edited October 4, 2016 by RyanO1991

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