DarrenB Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Constantly bawling my eyes out and tearing up to and from the gym every day from 4:30am to 7am coming back home. Not getting easier but I'm hoping for a solution to my broken heart and destroyed mind. Recently found some old photo's of me and the ex with my mother on her Birthday... How happy we all were at the time, how glorious she looked as well. It is true, a majority of people may despise their ex either due to their decision to end it or by their actions to hurt oneself. But my ex was and is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I will never take that for granted.
SixxChick Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Little angry tonight. It is what it is. I feel your pain. Maybe your beast should meet the biggest d*ck in the world. Peace.
Bialy Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I went to bed with such a great feeling of liberation and new beginnings and the relief of not having the relationship issues that I had with my ex. And while a part of me is relieved he took the step in blocking me after a few weeks of unfriending me, it feels so final now. I know that's a good thing. But, again, it feels so final. I woke up this morning feeling the positivity slipping - I honestly think it's because I don't share my bed with someone. I crave consistency and stability in a relationship... a good relationship! arghhhhh!!! People keep telling me I dodged a cannonball by things not working out with my ex and I know I did - but it still hurts some days when I have idle time. I can't wait for these feelings to subside completely and go dormant.
Bialy Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I have my 5th date today with a guy I'm dating. No red flags, decent guy, nice, interested in me. He lives an hour away by car or commuter rail, which is a bit of a bummer. I'm hoping that as we continue to get to know one another, he'll spend one or two nights' a week at my apartment. The timing in meeting him is crazy. If I had met him a month or two ago, I wasn't emotionally available because I was "waiting" for my ex. As I continue I get to know him, I look forward to developing physical intimacy. Sex is a big part of that equation, but there's so much to it than that. To be honest, once I develop that with someone new -- who is actually stable unlike my ex, his memory will fade even further into the distance.
Logo Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I have a ton of things to do, but just don't have the motivation to do them. I keep thinking about her even though she ended up stabbing me in the back. All the good times we had together seem like a distant memory and all that's left are a few snapshots from here and there of a few good moments.
NopeNah Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I have a ton of things to do, but just don't have the motivation to do them. I keep thinking about her even though she ended up stabbing me in the back. All the good times we had together seem like a distant memory and all that's left are a few snapshots from here and there of a few good moments. You should "force" yourself to do those things. Get on with living! 1
juniorrocha Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 You should "force" yourself to do those things. Get on with living! This! Don't let your ex put you down. Do it, even not feeling like doing it. I had only 4 days of grieving not doing anything, including a weekend, and then I started to do everything I had to. There were days I didn't feel like even getting up, but I forced myself to and now I see how brave I was to do that - I would regret wasting more time. Just do it. Get up and do it. As for me... still seeing my ex, and still confused as to what I want. I love her and I know I do, spending time with her is very special and a lot more fun than any other girl I've met so far, but I'm not sure I want to date. While it's hard to read, I believe she's working her way to feel more secure for us to get back together. Lately she's been more open for communication and all. I know and I feel like I've improved a lot. I don't feel needy, I don't have doubts, I'm not questioning anything. I'm just simply enjoying the time we have together. And even not being sure I want to date, I admit that looking at her makes my eyes shine. Honestly, I've been with hotter girls, nicer girls... but it's impressive how she's the only one I feel like being with all day.
dyna85 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 It's been 2 years and I thought I would come back to post an update. I don't feel that desperation of needing to read through every post and I rarely come on this site anymore, but I was on last Sunday briefly and I just came on now because I was thinking of the person who brought me to this site. I can't believe it's been almost 2 yrs. In many ways, I envy many others on this site who were able to achieve closure at some point, with the person returning to at least acknowledge the hurt, or to even just say 'hey, I know you exist and I just want to say hi.' I mean, honestly, I am not one for an ex giving a measly crumb or stringing anyone along. I think it's cruel of someone to contact you to keep you hooked or whatever. However, if anything, I just wish I hadn't been treated like I don't exist. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I do exist. Bc I feel a lot like this experience (2 yrs ago almost) really set this wound open where I am now hypersensitive to being ignored, which seems more apparent than it did before this all happened. I'm still trying to regain my footing since I don't exactly feel like my most confident self. I wonder if I'll ever get that part of me back that could encourage me to forge ahead, despite all difficulties, despite being ignored. I think it's scary too, to wonder if someone else could do this in the future. Act interested and then poof- just act like I'm dirt on the bottom of a shoe. Just scrape it away without a care. Anyway, those are my thoughts for now.
countryfeedback Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Not good. I smoked a considerable amount and don't even feel it. I should try sleeping it off. Nothing else really to get off my chest and I don't even want to talk about it.
sadsickandscared Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Struggling. Confused. Unfocused. Wanting a different life. Would love to let go of the pain of him and of wanting more. :-(
countryfeedback Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Decided I'd get out of my house and do something. I somehow *cough* ended up walking right behind her and had to painfully wait for traffic to pass so I could cross the street. Part of me wants to believe it wasn't her and really a stranger, why is she doing this. I really miss her so much, not the highly idolized image she tried to leave me with but actually being around her on friendly terms. Looking past her mirroring and what not she was highly intelligent, I feel that's how she really got me out of my shell. If we could of spent the past three years actually hanging out instead of her seemingly doing so in her imagination. She basically admitted to having bpd when we first met but soon as we both caught feelings SHTF. I guess I was asking for it knowing that I myself have avoidant traits.
DarrenB Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Over a month later from the initial breakup, around 15 days from the last contact between us... still struggling to come to terms with it all. Still grieving, missing her with all these built up emotions each and every day. As each day passes, I am trying to realise more of the positives; you had made me a better person, you taught me love and had me experience intimacy as a lover who you chose. I will never take that for granted.
Wuku Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Had been doing pretty well for the last week or so. Then, last night I had a dream about us reconciling, getting back together and being in love again. It was so vivid, I almost believed it when I woke, for a second or two. It's amazing and scary how a dream can change your feelings and your day. The dream was nice, the reality is not. 1
Logo Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 With each passing day, it gets easier. But I keep feeling as though there's a gap in my memory from the day we met until the day we separated. The person I broke up with after she cheated was a different person from the one I knew, especially the one I came to love in the beginning. And whenever good memories cross my mind, I try to think of something else so as not to get overly emotional. Mornings are the toughest. I wake up as a blank slate, and then after 2 or 3 seconds I remember that we are no longer together. All our inside jokes have faded. I feel like I have to think hard to remember them all. I still remember a few, but it's only been 2 weeks. Sometimes I fantasize about getting back together, and I get a hold of myself and realize that it's not going to happen, certainly not in the near future. I walk around and I look at women and I compare their smiles to hers and I can't get over the fact of how her smile made me feel, how it would warm my heart and fill it with joy. On the last day, I saw a different person. I didn't recognize her. She was apathetic, as if we had shared no time together, no memories, no feelings.
jonesey0 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 With each passing day, it gets easier. But I keep feeling as though there's a gap in my memory from the day we met until the day we separated. The person I broke up with after she cheated was a different person from the one I knew, especially the one I came to love in the beginning. And whenever good memories cross my mind, I try to think of something else so as not to get overly emotional. Mornings are the toughest. I wake up as a blank slate, and then after 2 or 3 seconds I remember that we are no longer together. All our inside jokes have faded. I feel like I have to think hard to remember them all. I still remember a few, but it's only been 2 weeks. Sometimes I fantasize about getting back together, and I get a hold of myself and realize that it's not going to happen, certainly not in the near future. I walk around and I look at women and I compare their smiles to hers and I can't get over the fact of how her smile made me feel, how it would warm my heart and fill it with joy. On the last day, I saw a different person. I didn't recognize her. She was apathetic, as if we had shared no time together, no memories, no feelings. Your last paragraph..the same happened to me. I couldn't recognize the person who was talking to me. The things she said, how effortlessly she said them. After a few months, with some clarity, you'll see that they were practicing that speech for a long time in their minds. We just weren't expecting it. 2
keiji Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I walk around and I look at women and I compare their smiles to hers and I can't get over the fact of how her smile made me feel, how it would warm my heart and fill it with joy. On the last day, I saw a different person. I didn't recognize her. She was apathetic, as if we had shared no time together, no memories, no feelings. Same here, on two occasions in the last five years. It was almost as if their face had changed completely. I could barely recognize them. As I write this, I realize I'm speaking in plural. Perhaps that means that it's not them, but us perceiving them in a totally different way as we're hearing the most dreaded message of all: that they're leaving for good. They're no longer "ours", and there's nothing we can do about it, so all of a sudden they become complete strangers. 2
Blastoplast Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Yesterday was better, she sent me a text asking how I was, I told her I wish her the best that I need to move on, even if I'm not ready to yet... that she needs to not call or text me because it's still hard to comprehend all this and it just sets me back. It felt good to send that, but today I just feel awful... I still think she made a huge mistake, but I'm doing my best to move on. It hurts even typing this
Bialy Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 How pathetic is this - I wish I knew if my ex thought of me. 1
SixxChick Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 How pathetic is this - I wish I knew if my ex thought of me. I think of this too. Unfortunately, I always answer this question with the answer, "no, he doesn't." 2
Bialy Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I keep telling myself that once I start dating someone solid, I will look back at this time, and say, "What. The. F--k. Was I Thinking?" 1
SixxChick Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I keep telling myself that once I start dating someone solid, I will look back at this time, and say, "What. The. F--k. Was I Thinking?" Worse yet, I keep wondering, what does his new girlfriend see in him? But then, she will find out sooner than later that there is nothing in it for her either. 1
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Today I felt good and I haven't felt that in awhile. I guess days pass on randomly like one day I'm feeling like **** the other day I feel as the king of world. Strange how I know my ex is feeling like that probably everyday and never think of me or saying to herself something of the sort "good riddance" etc while not knowing she threw away the best thing that happened to her period. I think that's just my good feeling today talking see you when I feel like **** again! P.s. - while I am in this good mood I want to say that guys... we rule! And the day someone knew comes to our lives will be the best day of theirs! 1
countryfeedback Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Just looked out my window to see my ex and her on/off simp bf checking out the house across the street that's for rent. seriously wtf
Bialy Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Just looked out my window to see my ex and her on/off simp bf checking out the house across the street that's for rent. seriously wtf Sorry you have to see that. Blahhhh.
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