Bialy Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I wish my ex would contact me. At least I think I do. One of the hardest things I find is not having that friendship anymore. I still have things happen that, for a split second I think "oh I'll tell her that", before I realise how stupid that is. She seems to not want to be friends, and that is her choice. And if she is with someone else, then maybe contact wouldn't be a good idea. I just miss my best friend. Yeah, my ex and I would make better friends because we have a lot of common hobbies and interests. I NEVER want to be in a relationship with him ever again. But, down the road, 5-10 years from now, I could see us catching up and learning about where we left off in our hobbies and just life in general. However, I can also imagine I'll be so busy and preoccupied with life that seeing him again might not even cross my mind 5-10 years from now.
Wuku Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 In my experience, once split up, you just don't see the other person again. I think that is more the norm than staying friends, especially if there was hurt involved. I've never seen an ex again, or remained friends with them, and I don't think most people I know have either. Even my daughters mother and I aren't friends. There's no animosity between us anymore, but we only ever talk when it's about our daughter. I'm expecting the same from this ex. It's just we went through a lot together, and had something special once, something neither of us felt we'd had before. We had a lot in common to, and it's a shame to think that's all lost, and we will probably never speak again. I would agree that maybe 5-10 years from now you probably won't even think about it. But then again, she is always going to have a piece of my heart and a piece of me too. 1
Sunnymae Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 No emotions, no tears, the love I had has been put out by a heartless man, all that's left is a gaping hole, a void. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have feelings again, I just don't know,I guess time will tell. Feeling really sad tonight. 1
Protec Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I still wonder why she said all those nice things to me. Just to manipulate me? The breakup happened 3 months ago, still i slept with her and spent a nice day just week ago. She said things to me even i have not said to her. "I don't feel lonely when i am with you. Even if you are out of sight, i can feel your precence there." "With you i feel different than with my other friends, i feel somehow complete" It was strange. I don't remember telling her those things... i have thought about those things. I felt just like that with her. Just being with her made me feel complete. She was like my missing half, we were different but same. This is a strange feeling i am having. I think i lost something great. Yes, we had stormy and very troublesome relationship, but still all we have been through we are still in contact. 1
Bialy Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 In my experience, once split up, you just don't see the other person again. I think that is more the norm than staying friends, especially if there was hurt involved. I've never seen an ex again, or remained friends with them, and I don't think most people I know have either. Even my daughters mother and I aren't friends. There's no animosity between us anymore, but we only ever talk when it's about our daughter. I'm expecting the same from this ex. It's just we went through a lot together, and had something special once, something neither of us felt we'd had before. We had a lot in common to, and it's a shame to think that's all lost, and we will probably never speak again. I would agree that maybe 5-10 years from now you probably won't even think about it. But then again, she is always going to have a piece of my heart and a piece of me too. Yeah, I seriously regret sending that email. I guess my thinking was that I wanted to just get that out of the way -- to make sure he knows I'm moving forward, but that I'm not averse to catching up from a distance, down the road. 1
Bialy Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I'm over the relationship and breakup, but I guess now I'm seriously sad about the fact that I will probably never speak with him as a friend, even if just to catch up. We had so many inside jokes and a long history. He was my first love. He saw me through some hard times and we went through some wonderful moments together. I kind of now view these moments as fragmented memories. The type of memories that you sit and reminisce about and laugh about. Am I in a new mourning period of coping now? This feels weird. I don't want him back, but I'm grieving the loss of the friendship. Life is so damn short. 5
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I kind of now view these moments as fragmented memories. The type of memories that you sit and reminisce about and laugh about. Am I in a new mourning period of coping now? This feels weird. I don't want him back, but I'm grieving the loss of the friendship. Life is so damn short. 1. Memories and the thought of your ex will always bring a smile on your face. That person stayed there for a reason! No matter the relationship you had some amazing moments together. Each person in your life is teaching you something that you weren't able to get as a lesson otherwise. So in a sense you were each other's teachers. There was a famous person that I cannot recall right now who said: "Always when ending relationships with people end them with loving words!" and I believe this is true! Because this person was your life once (and may be still) and I'm quoting you "Life is so damn short." to just hurt each other instead of practising what we really feel. 2. About the not wanting back thing I think I feel the same way with my ex but hey... grieving the loss of a friendship let's be honest here. If you guys continue as friends it is bound to happen the innevitable which is that eventually you will want to try again. Or you will feel so connected beyond the boundaries of friendship that you will want at least one or two hot steamy nights which will bring some emotions again. I have a rule in life: If you stay friends with a loved one either this love isn't finished yet or it wasn't love in the first place! Think about Phoebe from Friends. If you know that the guys is your lobster right now then by all means continue but if you are not sure or you are hurting just staying friends then that love was pure and you must leave it. Another thing... "If you love something set it free, for if it doesn't come back to you it was never meant to be!" I'm out! Peace! 1
juniorrocha Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 I'm feeling weird again, and sad. 2 weeks ago I contacted my ex. We've been seeing each other quite frequently, she's slept over here 3 times and we talk daily. She acts like we never broke up. Calls me love all the time, often says I'm her boyfriend, and she says things like "no one is like you" and "I don't wanna kiss, have sex, or see anybody, you're the only one that I want". But she doesn't initiate contact. I've been chasing her, asking her out, keeping conversations up while she's giving me short replies. I can't deny that seeing her again during this time made my feelings for her come right back to the surface. She's still the one I want to see again and again. The other girls I've been with, I never went on a third date. Two dates if the first one was very good, then I disappeared. She said she loves me, and she wishes we could be together forever, but she's insecure about a future with the two of us. I never even mentioned getting back together with her, although I was keeping that door open. I don't know what to do now. I'm trying to focus on my life, but this situation is making me sad and dragging me down. Deep inside what I most wished right now is that we'd find a road for us to go together, I guess now I want her back (sigh, hate to admit this). On my end, things are completely fine, I've forgiven all of her mistakes, I'd give it a second shot. It seems like the opposite isn't quite real, though.
Bialy Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 (edited) What exactly is she doing to self-improve and gain some inner security? It sounds like she's just treading water. How long will you go through the motions of talking with her daily and sleeping with her? If you want something meaningful, I'm not sure if this is the best route to go - especially if she continues to say she's insecure about the future. As soon as I stopped keeping the door open for my ex, I've found myself dating someone I actually like. Prior to this point, I half-assed dated because I always just felt more of a connection with my ex. I was sabotaging myself for no good reason. Edited September 20, 2016 by Bialy 1
countryfeedback Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 I think I'm attracted to borderline relationships; not to the drama or crazy making ,obviously. If it was possible to remain in the friend zone I would.
Bialy Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 A day of mixed emotion. My ex and I were supposed to do a cool event this evening. I'll be going solo. I had RSVP'd for 2 almost a month ago, when I thought we would be in touch as friends. Heh. On the plus side, the event will have lots of good sushi and I still plan to attend it... lol.
sorano Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I still wonder why she said all those nice things to me. Just to manipulate me? The breakup happened 3 months ago, still i slept with her and spent a nice day just week ago. She said things to me even i have not said to her. "I don't feel lonely when i am with you. Even if you are out of sight, i can feel your precence there." "With you i feel different than with my other friends, i feel somehow complete" It was strange. I don't remember telling her those things... i have thought about those things. I felt just like that with her. Just being with her made me feel complete. She was like my missing half, we were different but same. This is a strange feeling i am having. I think i lost something great. Yes, we had stormy and very troublesome relationship, but still all we have been through we are still in contact. I heard all those lines and then some. I was told that is how she felt at the moment then changed her mind. But my ex changed her mind in like a week lol. mind = blown
Bialy Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 (edited) You just can't make this stuff up: As many of you know, my ex blocked my number and unfriended me on FB 20 days ago. Before that, just a day before that, he was professing love to me and saying he was working on disentangling his life with his partner of 8 months, who he has an enormous house with and who has established a relationship with his teenage kids and his parents. He's 48. (I'm 34.) So, he blocked me on his cellphone and unfriended me 20 days ago when I told it seemed like he was just sidelining me indefinitely, by that point it had been 1.5 months of waiting for him - I told him it is best if he makes it work with his partner, but that I'll always still love him very much. He got so rude over the phone and said, "oh this is just you being your usual inconsistent self again. He did tell me he loved me, but that he feels worse now than before, and that he won't be able to see me for a very long time." I believe 100% without a doubt that he confessed his emotional affair with me to his partner. To make himself look good, he badmouthed me, I'm absolutely certain. I was curious about what's been going on with him. I had a look at her FB profile (Don't ask. I have a bizarre way of having a look at it even though we're not connected.) and... They are now engaged. He proposed this past Friday. Pretty sure how it happened. He blocked me as a cellphone contact and unfriended me in front of her. Over the past two weeks, she probably questioned whether how she can be sure that he is truly committed... *boom* Engaged. Edited September 21, 2016 by Bialy
sorano Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 No emotions, no tears, the love I had has been put out by a heartless man, all that's left is a gaping hole, a void. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have feelings again, I just don't know,I guess time will tell. Feeling really sad tonight. I can relate. I was once a man that would go above and beyond and would crawl over broken glass just to get a kiss from my ex. That person? is gone. over. The person she used to know is gone. Im a new person. Good or bad I dont know. I dont miss my ex. I dont really care what she is doing. could care less if she is sick, in the hospital or won the lotto. I just dont care about her, her family, etc. The one thing I am still angry about is, she changed me in certain ways that I will no longer look at wmen the same. The romantic side, sweet side, love again, is gone. No more. In fact, If you read my previous threads, I literally gave up dating. Its over. No more. No more dating, family, sex, done. I make myself happy. I dont need anyone. Just me and my family and friends. The rest, especially the ones or the one who hurt me, go inhale water. 3
Bialy Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I've been talking to two of my male friends from out of state. One said that if he had to do it over again, he would never have met, dated, married his wife, and had his 3 year old son. He said if they ever divorce, he will be happily single. He said his biggest mistake was thinking he ever needed a relationship. He said he and his wife of 4 years have absolutely no relationship. They're roommates and their relationship has soured after the birth of their son. Another friend has been in a long term relationship for 6 years and even though things are okay and on solid ground, he said if he ever ends up single again -- he said he'll stay single and won't consider dating again.
Protec Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I heard all those lines and then some. I was told that is how she felt at the moment then changed her mind. But my ex changed her mind in like a week lol. mind = blown My ex changed her mind too. Week ago she said the nice things straight to my face, then week after she does not even want to know me before. She had bipolar, but also lots of bordeline and narcissistic traits in her. It was real hard relationships and i didn't want to leave. OR i wanted to but still i wanted to see if things would turn better. they never did. Now i go to psychotherapy myself.
juniorrocha Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 It sounds like she's just treading water. Exactly what I think, but I've been so busy with my personal life (hobbies, career, studies, gym, etc) that I'm just leading it on. What makes me sad is this inconsistency: in a minute she's all full of love, then all of a sudden she's distant and doesn't know what she wants. I don't have anything in my way though and I'm open for anything that happens - be it reconciling or breaking up for good. If there's one thing I'm certain of is that if we don't make it work this time, I'm making sure she knows the door is closed. I've been talking to two of my male friends from out of state. One said that if he had to do it over again, he would never have met, dated, married his wife, and had his 3 year old son. He said if they ever divorce, he will be happily single. He said his biggest mistake was thinking he ever needed a relationship. He said he and his wife of 4 years have absolutely no relationship. They're roommates and their relationship has soured after the birth of their son. Another friend has been in a long term relationship for 6 years and even though things are okay and on solid ground, he said if he ever ends up single again -- he said he'll stay single and won't consider dating again. That's sorta how I'm feeling. The only girl I'd date now is my ex, and I would only do that if this "trial" we're going through turn out being really great. I never thought that being single could be so amazing. I don't discard dating in the future, though. 1
Humantk Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 So im gonna just jump right in. I went NC with my ex monday night after she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore (but would always love me as a friend ) and was a lot happier with her life without me. We had already been broken up a month and a half, and had done 3 weeks NC prior to mobday. I loved and still love her so much. I tried to make her life amazing, i had my insecurities and she had hers. Today I broke NC for apologizing for something I did back in the beginning of July. When we first started seeing each other it was October 2011. Amazing, amazing time in my life. Fastfoward to the summer of 2012 and we had our first real fight. It was stupid and insecure of me, but she went to the beach with her friends and i thought her bathingsuit was too revealing. Uggh i was so stupid. We fought. I got over it, everything went back to normal. I had no problems with what she wore. But this past summer of 2016 she went to the beach with her friends like she does every summer. This time she sent me a picture. A POV shot from her head down to her toes lying on a blanket, top unstrapped to stop tan lines. She wanted me to see how sexy she looked. My phone was dead and i turned it on at about 9pm after working since 6am. My first thought was "dear god she is beautiful." Then since my phone was off I got a second text that must have been sent hours later asking if I was annoyed about the picture. All of a sudden I did get annoyed. I think it was a combination of really long days at work and that our sex life at the time was struggling and I felt insecure. So I berated about looking so skimpy when i wasnt there. It was a classless move, she had been nothing but loyal for over 4 years. It ended up being a huge fight and she could not believe that after years of not having a problem with it that I once again had a problem with it. I knew I had been giving her too much power in our relationship so I stuck to my guns. A month later we split up. I dont see that as the reason we split, but it definitely didnt help. So today I broke NC to tell her the truth. That I thought she looked amazing and I was sorry I acted out of fear and not love. She said not to regret it bit it was a nice thing to hear and she understod why I wanted to get it off my chest. So 3 texts from me and 1 from her and Im back at square 1 of no contact. Trying to take it one day at a time and rebuild my life. Thanks for listening guys.
Humantk Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 (edited) That's sorta how I'm feeling. The only girl I'd date now is my ex, and I would only do that if this "trial" we're going through turn out being really great. I never thought that being single could be so amazing. I don't discard dating in the future, though. I cant imagine dating anyone other then my ex. I kind of know that while I might go out on dates, its going to be a long while before I can really be myself and get out there to find someone for me. Edited September 22, 2016 by Humantk
countryfeedback Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I wasn't ready for a relationship, which is still the case. There's a beautiful lady I'm really in to that's actually pursuing me. I'm feeling I need to set distance before I cause more damage. From what I have heard she's going through something similar, this could be real bad, or not smh I guess honesty is the key.
Bialy Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I'm dating someone and it's helping. I don't consider him a rebound. Since it has been several months since my ex and I split, I don't think it's too soon. He's a nice guy and is a different type of man than my ex. I'm trying my best to appreciate what makes him different. I'm just enjoying spending time with him and going with the flow of dating and learning more about him. After only 4 dates, no red flags. Decent guy, if on the introverted side. I'm trying to shake off the feeling of missing my ex's friendship and the level of flirtation and attraction we had for each other. That's been the hardest hurdle. I think that will just boil down to time --- I need to give it time. 1
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I'm dating someone and it's helping. I don't consider him a rebound. Since it has been several months since my ex and I split, I don't think it's too soon. You know today I had a walk in the park after I hit the gym early in the morning. Took a cold shower there then headed to the sunny park. It was a nice thing to do although completely alone like a lonely grandpa walking around. Because in my country today is a pretty big holiday the whole park was full of people. At one point I felt scared of bumping in my ex. My heart just started pounding I was so afraid I took a turn after 35 minutes walking and rushed to my car then headed home. I don't know if I am ready for someone new after 6 months split but I am so happy that you are! Good thing you are making progress I wish I feel as free as you one day! I'm trying to shake off the feeling of missing my ex's friendship and the level of flirtation and attraction we had for each other. That's been the hardest hurdle. I think that will just boil down to time --- I need to give it time. Uhm not trying to make a fool out of myself but sometimes I still think "sexually" of my ex. Like I mean every single detail of her body for example or the stuff we did when we slept together. What scares me is that it still turns me on. So yeah... TIME!!! How much time damn it.... I am already feeling annoyed
Trinity_84 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Last night I dreamed that I was back in the city where I used to live with my ex, at some sort of party. He showed up and eventually we got to talking and he confessed he had a new love in his life -- his former ex fiancé. I asked him a few questions and then said to him "can't say I'm surprised, and you know me, if this upset me I would be crying, I am happy for you and wish you luck, you two seemed like a good fit and I always felt like you weren't over her." So I guess that's one thing my subconscious has processed? LOL
Bialy Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 My ex unfriended me on Sept 1. But I decided to just leave it be and not block him. I know him well enough to know he was still checking my profile (which is almost entirely set to private) to see if anything changed at all with my cover and profile photos. Sometimes, very rarely, I'll make a post open to the public. But that's rare. Maybe once every few months. Finally, today, I see that he has blocked me. Uhm. not trying to make a fool out of myself but sometimes I still think "sexually" of my ex. Like I mean every single detail of her body for example or the stuff we did when we slept together. What scares me is that it still turns me on. So yeah... TIME!!! How much time damn it.... I am already feeling annoyed Yes, I still think of my ex like that a lot. That's why he and I could never be friends because we have uncontrollable chemistry - even though I know he's lying and unstable. It's weird and crazy. With time, and a new person in my life, I can see that fading into distant memory. 1
sorano Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 My ex changed her mind too. Week ago she said the nice things straight to my face, then week after she does not even want to know me before. She had bipolar, but also lots of bordeline and narcissistic traits in her. It was real hard relationships and i didn't want to leave. OR i wanted to but still i wanted to see if things would turn better. they never did. Now i go to psychotherapy myself. I understand the confusing and pain.
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