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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Arghhhhh. Not a good day. Seriously missing my ex.

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sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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junior, I love that you're too busy loving yourself. Keep doing that, and make choices in relation to her that come from the spirit of loving yourself.

 

Hugs and love to both you and Bialy.

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sorano Established Member

sorano

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Do you! :p After going through my breakup, I completely understand your reasoning, but I gotta think that living in a city of hundreds of thousands of people, there's got to be someone else out there I'd vibe with.

 

I bet there are. There are hundreds of people. Its just, this game, is not for me anymore. I don't want it. I don't want to go on dates anymore, prove myself, meet the family and friends, etc. I just have no desire.

 

I do hope you find someone though!

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Majormisstep Established Member

Majormisstep

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I need to stop reminiscing. I need to stop being sentimental. I need to stop imagining how things might be if we were still together. I need to stop creating scenarios in my head, and what might be said in them if we were to meet up now. I need to let go of my sadness and resign everything to my past. I need to find a way to forgive myself for the hurt I caused. I need to shed the guilt I feel. I need to get over the regret I have. Part of me doesn't believe I deserve happiness and forgiveness, but part of me knows I do. I'm sorry I messed up. I'm paying the price for that now. I need to move forward.

 

 

^^^THIS^^^

 

I need to figure out how to do all of this....

  • Like 1
NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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Sigh...

 

First day of a 3 week work trip. Made it to my motel and all the rest of my coworkers/travel companions are talking about going to their room and calling/video chatting their wives, makes me feel so incomplete and lonely. I just wish I could call her, and that she would be worried and happy for me. But I know I'm the last thing that would ever cross her mind anymore. Hopefully this loneliness passes

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juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

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Becareful with that one man. we always wish for the best and hope for the best possible outcome but, the second blow can be worse than the first.

 

This would be the third blow, then. hahaha

I really don't feel it anymore, so I'm not really scared. If she told me tomorrow she wants us to be just friends, I would be completely fine with that idea. I'm actually more concerned about her. She's clearly still involved. For now things are fine, she's busy with her stuff and I am with mine. We're free so that makes me feel very comfortable, actually. I'm not gonna write anything in stone, I'll just let happen w/e is meant to happen. Don't wanna try to predict what comes next, but I'm putting myself first, regardless.

 

Today was another good day for me. I went biking to the beach early in the morning. Had a great time there, then came back home. Cooked some nice meal, played some games (something I hadn't done for a long time), took a nap... just enjoyed the day, relaxing. All alone, but not feeling lonely at all.

 

Sigh...

 

First day of a 3 week work trip. Made it to my motel and all the rest of my coworkers/travel companions are talking about going to their room and calling/video chatting their wives, makes me feel so incomplete and lonely. I just wish I could call her, and that she would be worried and happy for me. But I know I'm the last thing that would ever cross her mind anymore. Hopefully this loneliness passes

 

It will pass, especially if you get out of your room and enjoy your trip. Go to a bar, a club, a walk somewhere... anything. Meet the city, find things to do. It's ok to feel that way, but don't let that feeling overcome you. In fact, you should make the most of your trip (even if it's work related) to get your mind off of things. Travelling was one of the most important things I did to feel better about everything. It put my life in a new perspective.

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Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Alright, so it's almost 8:00am here, I'm at work, and I'm feeling good. Any feelings I had yesterday evening have subsided over night. Sometimes sleep really helps so much. They'll be back again, I'm sure... lol.

 

Just a usual work day for me. I'm hoping to catch a movie at the museum after work.

  • Like 1
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Missing my ex again. The roller coaster continues. Rationally, I know this is not good at all.

 

I think what I'm missing is boost of serotonin that comes when you're in love or addicted to feelings of love. I've been getting plenty of sunshine. I'm a regular at my gym, but lately I haven't been going as often. Only once or twice a week. I have to think an endorphin rush will help boost my seratonin, but even after an exercise session, I still have a bit of a heavy heart. This sucks!

Crusnik Member

Crusnik

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I'm totally messed up now, I love her, i miss her and i ****ing hate her....seriously. There is those urges to grab my phone and call her... just to say a couple things that's bottled up, suffocating me every single day...

We were friends before lovers, i always treated her well and was there for her, ****ing hate this... i would never treat her or anyone else this way. pff cant even vent properly!!!

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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I'm totally messed up now, I love her, i miss her and i ****ing hate her....seriously. There is those urges to grab my phone and call her... just to say a couple things that's bottled up, suffocating me every single day...

We were friends before lovers, i always treated her well and was there for her, ****ing hate this... i would never treat her or anyone else this way. pff cant even vent properly!!!

That's how I've been feeling in my roller coaster --- either I'm missing my ex so much or I'm so disappointed/angry with his actions.

 

It's funny - I'm cool and composed at work - not a single coworker knows that I've been going through any of this at all. It really goes to show - you never know what someone else is going through.

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Crusnik Member

Crusnik

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WTH she texted me today!!! Asking how i was doing, and whats going on with my facebook..she can't talk to me... Seriously wtf does she wants now!?... i blocked her a couple days ago on FB, Instagram, and any other media.... she is not stupid...

I wont even reply that ****ty text...

  • Like 2
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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I am a collected, logical, professional individual. It unnerves me how I am having a hard time getting through the final hurdle of my healing.

 

In one breath, I never want to see my ex ever again and I see him for what he is - a lying, neurotic man.

 

In another breath, I miss the good times and I try to break that thinking by remembering the awful times and the absolute angst from being in a relationship with him.

 

All of this to say, I was at a meeting today and was fiddling around on my phone and browsing LinkedIn. I thought, "oh! Why don't I add him on LinkedIN. It's benign and at least it'll show I'm not interested in torching the bridge completely."

 

Completely irrational move on my part and as soon as I sent the request, I regretted it. This man did me a favor by deleting me as a FB friend and blocking me on his cell phone on Sept 2 --- and in a completely irrational moment I send him a LinkedIn request. What the hell is wrong with me? UGH.

 

He's probably wondering what the hell.

Edited by Bialy
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juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

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That emotional roller coaster is also what I experienced during the first 2 months past the break up. It gets easier and easier, never harder, as long as you're working to get out of it. How many times didn't I leave home to go to the gym crying til I got there and came back happier than ever? Or the other way around, when in the middle of my way home I'd think of her and start to cry like a baby? Yet I never gave up, just continued, even on my worst days.

 

By the way, ex and I are still talking, but very little. We aren't the same (as in good morning/night texts, often texting/calling, etc), but it doesn't bother me at all. She asked if I had plans for the weekend and I said no, so we're probably going to do something.

 

I really enjoy being with her, and at the moment I guess I consider her a friend with benefits. I can't deny though that she has priority over the other girls, she's the only one I'd like to see again and again, even not having strong feelings for her anymore. It kinda feels like we're restarting, slowly. We don't really go back to the past. I've forgiven everything too, I guess it makes everything easier.

 

And today I had a date with another girl. It was just ok, we had sex, and I don't feel like seeing her again.

 

I suppose right now I could describe myself as happy as I could be. Confident, free, happy, relaxed, focused, secure. It's a first in my entire life.

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Second date tonight - I had a really good time. Really digging this guy. We're going to see each other on Saturday.

 

I'm really glad we met up for a city walk & some good pizza. I was tired and ready to crash after work, but meeting him again for a second date really was so nice. Can't wait to see him on Saturday.

  • Like 1
sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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Ohh, Bialy, I didn't know you were dating. I'm glad you had a really good time. I hope this is helping you heal.

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Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Ohh, Bialy, I didn't know you were dating. I'm glad you had a really good time. I hope this is helping you heal.

 

Yes! My ex and I split in late January 2016 and I didn't consider dating at all until recently. I'm glad I met this new guy last Friday. If it had been a month or two ago, I just wasn't in the state of mind to date at all.

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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I'm happy for you, Bialy. :) Timing has been in your favour. :)

  • Like 1
RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

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Started missing her again today. I still angry that she met this guy (although she insists she only met him as a friend) but didn't distance herself when she felt attracted to him.

 

Apart from that, I only have good memories of her. She seemed so loving over our 3 years together and I really thought she was the one. A little part of me asks why she went from an adamant breakup to being confused and wondering if she should get back with me. Then I take that false hope and lock it in a box.

 

Still glad I blocked her number. Set up a Facebook profile this morning to get in touch with people I haven't talked to in years. She'd better not try to add me. That will be an instant block.

Edited by RyanO1991
Raina314 Established Member

Raina314

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I messed up and texted my ex Happy Birthday yesterday. I was feeling so detached and independent last week and I thought I'd be okay. Wrong, of course. He didn't reply and now I'm back to hating myself. This must be all my fault for being a bitch after the breakup and ignoring him at events when he was trying to be friendly. Of course he wouldn't reply to me. I've never felt so cynical and hopeless in my life. I don't ever want to love anyone again and I wish I could just accept that relationships aren't for me. I was so close, and then I had to go blow it by texting him. I just didn't want him to think I was mad anymore and I wanted to show him that I was ready to be nice and friendly again. I wish I could just tell myself that this is on him for being unresponsive and that I deserve better anyways, but I can't. I can't shake the feeling that this is all my fault for being so stuck in NC instead of trying to be friendlier earlier on. I've created this and I hate myself for it.

  • Like 1
heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

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That's how I've been feeling in my roller coaster --- either I'm missing my ex so much or I'm so disappointed/angry with his actions.

 

It's funny - I'm cool and composed at work - not a single coworker knows that I've been going through any of this at all. It really goes to show - you never know what someone else is going through.

 

 

 

 

Oh ditto! So similar. I don't want to discuss this at work. And since I work where I live...

 

I'm so tempted to contact him today. I want to talk to him. I miss talking to and with him. Hearing about his day. Telling him about mine. He's been my best friend and my partner. My life is so empty without him.

  • Like 1
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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I messed up and texted my ex Happy Birthday yesterday. I was feeling so detached and independent last week and I thought I'd be okay. Wrong, of course. He didn't reply and now I'm back to hating myself. This must be all my fault for being a bitch after the breakup and ignoring him at events when he was trying to be friendly. Of course he wouldn't reply to me. I've never felt so cynical and hopeless in my life. I don't ever want to love anyone again and I wish I could just accept that relationships aren't for me. I was so close, and then I had to go blow it by texting him. I just didn't want him to think I was mad anymore and I wanted to show him that I was ready to be nice and friendly again. I wish I could just tell myself that this is on him for being unresponsive and that I deserve better anyways, but I can't. I can't shake the feeling that this is all my fault for being so stuck in NC instead of trying to be friendlier earlier on. I've created this and I hate myself for it.

I'm in Washington, DC too! :)

 

He's doing you a favor by not responding at all -- think of it that way. You're feeling vulnerable -- you shouldn't have to worry about what your ex thinks of you. It's hard sometimes to not go back into thinking about the past - it takes one step at a time.

 

Don't get too worked up over saying "Happy Birthday" - if you sent that text to be friendly, it shouldn't matter to you if he responds or not. Remember -- it's the thought that counts.

 

If you're upset and sad because he DIDN'T respond back, your motivation to send that text wasn't pure. What you really wanted was validation from him -- and that is not healthy! :(

 

If he responds back, don't reply. If he doesn't respond back, just think of it this way - you did a nice thing sending him a birthday wish... BUT now really stick with NC!!!

  • Like 1
Crusnik Member

Crusnik

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I guess it's true, NC is the only way. 3 months and 5 days after the BU, feeling so much better!!! Blocking her was the best thing i did, but i gotta admit not replying to her texts is hard, really hard, i want to but i can't!! As long as i don't see her don't know what she is doing i know i'll eventually get over her.

I still cry a lot... songs, places...yeah its still hard.

 

If she loved me she would be here with me right? So screw her, i want to be happy, i deserve more than this!! I have been going out a lot, with lots of girls, and i met some interesting ones, unfortunately i don't feel anything romantic at all, there's just this rock inside of me sigh...i'll keep on trying tho...one day...!!!

  • Like 1
Em2410 Member

Em2410

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I've had a productive day today, but now suddenly I feel like crap. I accept it's over and that we could never work even if we wanted to at this point, but the thought of him having moved on to sleeping with someone else is the hardest. Sometimes I'm ok with it, I am able to feel accepting of it, but other times it just hits me like a ton of bricks- just like tonight.

 

From tomorrow onward I am not going to check his social media. How many times he's on/offline, who he adds, everything just comes together in my mind and makes me worry. I told myself I'd do this weeks ago but it's been so hard. Deep down, as much as I tell myself I don't, I do miss him so much. He was my best friend. I wish he didn't behave the way he did. Life sucks right now :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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I'm on Day 15 of NC. My ex has moved on ("settled" is a better word) and I've come to terms with the fact that he is not - never was - the man for me.

 

15 days ago, he unfriended me on FB. He also blocked me on his smartphone. I have to say - it's so much easier to be on that end of it all because you have no choice. It helps that I've had time to accept and come to terms with crap prior to NC. Do I have some good memories? Yeah, but I'm accepting them as just that - isolated memories.

 

Anyway, I mentioned earlier, two days ago, I was at a work meeting and browsing through LinkedIn. In an irrational, non-thinking moment, I sent him a connection invite. I regretted the second I sent it because I realized it could be misconstrued and perceived as something more than the original intent.

 

This morning, I see he accepted it. Makes absolutely no sense, but it did make me laugh.

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