How are you coping today?

[sorano]

Hooked up with a gorgeous woman on tinder last night, she isn't dating material, as she was a bit crazy. But damn, I feel way worse this morning... So empty and longing for her more than ever

 

yea that style is not for everyone. I know I can't do that. some people want to just get back out there and smash. I can't. I know the next day I will feel like crap.

[juniorrocha]

NIGHT, you should only do that when you feel like your ex isn't in your mind that much anymore. The first month after the break up, I hooked up/had sex with lots of girls. I then realized it only made me miss my ex even more so I stopped doing that, I felt like **** too.

 

A month after stopping, I went back to it and things were completely different: I was so focused on getting over her, that I was feeling a lot greater and started to have a really nice time with the women I met. That's when I realized I was a step forward.

 

Take your time, get comfortable with the idea first and then do it. You're clearly still very hung up on your ex, so give it time before anything.

 

It seems to me that your healing process isn't progressing well, though. How are your days? How's it going for you? Have you been occupying your mind with things that are important to you and that brings you peace?

[Wuku]

Been having a down day. I'm missing her. Spent the day with my daughter Sunday, which is always a high point in my life, but when she goes home to her mums is when I really notice the loneliness of being on my own.

 

I know I've had the best I will ever have. She was beautiful, intelligent, kind, loving and a very special person. I doubt I will ever meet anyone like her again. I know it's over forever, and that scares me. I'm ok mostly, but just get very sad sometimes. I still think of her everyday, especially when I'm in bed at night. I wonder what she's doing, does she ever think of me, or has she eradicated me from her memory. I wonder who is lucky enough to be with her now, if she is with anyone. I wish I could blame her for this, but it was mostly my own fault. I wish I was putting her on a pedestal, but she really was a gentle soul. She wasn't perfect, and has her flaws the same as everybody else, but she was right for me. I feel so guilty that I hurt her and I don't feel I can get over that fact, even though I really didn't mean to. It's difficult sometimes trying to cope with the feeling of loss of love, and it scares me that it will never go away. I'm sure I'll get over it eventually, but I think there will always be a place for her in my heart. I just can't stop loving her. She will always be the woman who I should have spent the rest of my life with.

[NIGHT1985]

Yep. I can relate. My ex was the type of woman I've been day dreaming about forever, but I just wasn't ready for her, and that sucks.

 

 

She was extremely intelligent, she got a 35 on her ACT, graduated from the best college in the state, had an extremely gent soul as well, loved to volunteer/help people, was extremely witty, and of course, gorgeous. She was way way way out of my league, and probably only dated me because of the insecurities she had when we first met.

 

I wish I had a time machine, but that would be selfish, she's extremely happy now, and eventually I'll learn to accept that she's with a better man, for her

[Bialy]

Today has been a good day - and it's not over yet.

 

My work day is just about wrapped up. I feel really good and ready to do some cycling or hit the gym after I leave the office.

[asphyxis]

I've been deeply angry lately, however I found out this morning that my ex was emotionally cheating on my months prior to him breaking up with me. With solid evidence and with more than one woman. This was the last piece I needed to move on, since I had a solid feeling. The emotional abuse was just a portion. I can finally feel completely free. It's liberating.

[Bialy]

I've been deeply angry lately, however I found out this morning that my ex was emotionally cheating on my months prior to him breaking up with me. With solid evidence and with more than one woman. This was the last piece I needed to move on, since I had a solid feeling. The emotional abuse was just a portion. I can finally feel completely free. It's liberating.

Disgusting --- and sad. Yes, harness that anger and use it to get over the person. That REALLY helps in getting over a situation.

 

And it relieves a lot of stress, I find.

[Wuku]

I need to stop reminiscing. I need to stop being sentimental. I need to stop imagining how things might be if we were still together. I need to stop creating scenarios in my head, and what might be said in them if we were to meet up now. I need to let go of my sadness and resign everything to my past. I need to find a way to forgive myself for the hurt I caused. I need to shed the guilt I feel. I need to get over the regret I have. Part of me doesn't believe I deserve happiness and forgiveness, but part of me knows I do. I'm sorry I messed up. I'm paying the price for that now. I need to move forward.

[NIGHT1985]

Trying to keep my self distracted today, but I miss being able to text my friends and of course my ex.

 

My work has always asked me to go on a 3 week work trip to train employees at at a different facility. This could either be really good or bad for me. I won't know anyone there, so it'll be extremely lonely being in a tiny town on my own. But on the good side, I won't have to worry about running into my ex or the 2 friends I pushed away. And these 3 weeks away from my town could help me move on immensely, not to mention I'll be compensated very well for the trip. I may use the money to get myself a new car, since I just paid mine off.

[Bialy]

Good day. And I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I'm having my first post-breakup date with someone that I met OLD a few days ago. Pretty excited about it, but don't have much expectations except to have a good time and hang with someone with similar interests.

 

I'm glad I waited to jump into OLD until I reached the point of the healing process where I'm disgusted with my ex and am glad he is out of my life.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Was on a date yesterday... she even came to my apartment. It was wierd seeing another woman in it than my ex but I went with it.

 

Just as things were about to get serious and we kissed she turned her head and said "I know I want this badly but.. I am kinda with someone right now"

 

Wow I didn't feel a thing. Not even feeling uncomfortable. I didn't even care so hollow inside. I just told her "Maybe you should leave" and slammed the door under her nose.

 

Stayed in my apartment for a good half an hour watching some anime then took my stuff and headed home to my parents. Needed to sleep somewhere that I am not alone.

 

Woke up this morning - again nothing. Not even feeling bad for yesterday, just thinking about my ex... how she's probably happy with someone else, kissed or even made love to another man.

 

Felt sad thinking all this but this pain was way lower than before. Don't know if I am on the right track accepting things or just really hollow and numb on the inside...

[Raina314]

Feeling much calmer this week now that I've stopped looking for "healing" and/or a new guy. The only thing that bothered me was my brother coming over and telling me that all I need now that I have a nice place of my own, a pet, a job, etc...is a guy. I love my brother more than anything, but that comment made me so angry. No, a guy is the LAST thing I need. The more I think about my history with relationships and love, the more I realize how little they've helped me. I worked all through college to save my own money for a condo and a car, I found got my job all on my own, I bought all my furniture and carried it up the stairs with only my dad to help me with the heavier things. I cook, clean, and shop for myself and keep track of my finances and find my own way to the airport when I travel. None of my previous boyfriends have helped me in any of my life steps, not even with little things like checking in on me when I'm sick. All they ever do is stress me out and break my heart. Everything good that's happened to me has happened because of my own hard work and the love of my family.

 

None of the men I know have even moved away from their parents and begun to support themselves. There is nothing they can contribute to my life except sex and a nice date once in a while and since that always results in heartbreak, I'd rather just do without.

 

That said, I'd like to qualify this by saying I know a lot of guys on here have been hurt the same way I have and may be wonderful, accomplished men. I don't mean this as a blanket statement to cover men I haven't even met. I'm just saying I don't want to date, especially not in my own circle.

[Crusnik]

Today exactly 3month since the break up...I went out with friends and got myself drunk...Guess what...I texted her...pouring my ****ing heart out again and the best I got was "I'm sorry". So yeah I started a discussion and blocked her on everything..... starting NC now and forever.... ****ing hurts.. ****y life

[Bialy]

Sorry to read that, crusnik

 

I was just telling someone in another thread earlier today how alcohol is not the best way to decompress after a breakup. It's a depressant and it will give you the liquid courage to contact your ex and end up regretting it.

 

It sucks! The positive is that you're going to be stronger about NC after her weak response to you pouring your heart out.

[Bialy]

I had a first date last night and it went well. We talked, grabbed a bite, and exchanged numbers. He sent me a text a few minutes later, while he was on the subway, to let me know he had an awesome time. Nice guy - and I think we'll be seeing each other again. I'm a little bit iffy because he's former military -- and those guys tend to move a lot. If we end up going on a 2nd or 3rd or 4th date, I'd be curious to know if he has another move in the cards.

 

I woke up just now and I'm thinking about how my ex told me he loved me on our first date, eight years ago. Crazy. Looking back, that was the first red flag and I didn't even think much of it.

 

The hardest part about dating after a breakup is that my ex and I had chemistry instantly. Even now, despite the breakup, when we saw each other last month, we still had white hot chemistry. And not just in the sheets, but just out and about.

 

I'm at a point in my life where I realize that a GOOD, stable relationship won't necessarily start out that way. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if my next relationship takes a slower time to build.

[sorano]

Feeling relieved and good as I quit dating and having a relationship. It feels really good lol. Weird but feels good.

[Bialy]

Feeling relieved and good as I quit dating and having a relationship. It feels really good lol. Weird but feels good.

Do you! After going through my breakup, I completely understand your reasoning, but I gotta think that living in a city of hundreds of thousands of people, there's got to be someone else out there I'd vibe with.

[Trinity_84]

On the outside, I have moved on.

 

On the inside, I'm going through a bit of a "regret" phase. I keep thinking about all that I lost when I left my partner. I have also gained and learned a lot since then, but we had a good life all in all.

 

I feel like a fool for not having had the maturity and confidence to stick around and make it work. I brought this regret on myself, and even though I know it shall pass, I can't help but think "what if he was it and I let him go?"

 

 

Well, actually he wasn't it, he had lost his love for me by the time I did his dirty work and ended the relationship.

 

Sometimes it's hard to keep that in perspective because I loved him so much.

Edited September 10, 2016 by Trinity_84

[Foreverever421]

I don't know what moving on means exactly to be honest. It has been 6 months since my wife told me she wanted a divorce. While I am out of my depression, I still have relapses every now and then. Sometimes it gets so bad, I am woken by palpitations. My energy is drained by 3pm even if I am lucky enough to get adequate sleep.

 

 

Other times, I am so lost in thought that my head feels like it's going to explode. Yes, I feel much better than half a year ago. But the first thing that comes into my mind when I wake up is her. So will I ever truly 'move on'? I don't know.

 

 

My first gf left me for another man. While, I don't have any hard feelings towards her or that guy anymore, (Hell! I don't even remember what she looks like!), I flipped when my wife spent too much time with her best guy friend. Was I haunted by my past? Could be. Am I carrying too much baggage? Quite possible. Was I too jealous? Don't deny it. But before you say the demise of my marriage is all on me, let's see how you will react when some punk texts your spouse everyday, multiple times a day, too.

 

 

I may not be able to erase all this from my head, but I am trying to clear my mind for the future. Might even take up MMA to stop the recurring thoughts. If I am lucky enough to see that guy again, he better be more agile than I am.

[NIGHT1985]

I'm starting to get a bit stronger. The last couple days have been balancing much better for me. Sure, I still have terrible moments, especially when first waking up. And I won't lie, I'd go back to her in a heart beat, if she'd let me. But I'm starting to find myself again, I'm starting to somewhat enjoy things again. I think 3 weeks away from this small town will make me feel independent and myself again.

[Bialy]

Missing my ex right now. We used to do this silly thing via text to touch base. I would text "" and he would respond with "" Or, vice versa.

 

Logically, I know this is a ridiculous thing to miss. I really wanted to send him that text just now, but there's no reason to at all.

 

On Sept 2, he defriended me on FB and blocked me via iMessage. The following day, I noticed that he unblocked me on iMessage. We haven't communicated since Sept 1. I still remain unblocked.

 

I deleted his contact information, our message exchange, and all photos of him from my iPhone.

 

I don't know. I'm feeling really vulnerable.

[zacccczac]

When I travel on airplanes, when during take off, I have a secret ritual that involves secretly wishing the plan would crash, for the flight is full of boredom and my life is empty. Dying in an airplane crash would be my most meaningful death. Last summer, after saying goodbye to her, i found myself thinking, well, maybe not this time.

[juniorrocha]

A big part of moving on is acknowledging what the problems of the relationship were and your share of it. It's never one sided.

 

Last weekend I posted here how I saw my ex after almost 3 months. And I felt nothing, despite her crying when I left. However, that image of her sad stuck in my head for days. You guys are going to kill me for what's coming but... I broke NC. And asked if she'd like to meet for a walk.

 

We met, had an amazing time, watched the sunset, while kissing and hugging just like the old times. She's still the one who fits perfectly in my arms. She often called me love and when I left she mentioned me as her boyfriend. She said it was habit.

 

Since that, we've been seeing each other and texting everyday, although we agreed on taking it slow - we're not in a relationship, we're seeing how it goes, and we can see other people (which, by the way, I'm doing).

 

Are we reconciling? I don't know.

 

She sure had tons of mistakes during our first year of relationship; most of them because she is/was immature. Our second year, however, was filled by mistakes by me, I admit that.

 

Something very big I have come to realize is that I was a very insecure person before meeting her, desperate for a relationship. I brought many expectations, which whenever weren't met, I would create dramas over it. And it continued til the end. Now I see it was lack of self esteem and love for myself.

 

I no longer feel that way. I'm feeling very confident now and happy on my own. When I think about every issue on my end, I regret them but at the same time I know they were needed so I could grow. And that's how I see the mistakes made by her too. She showed me she had changed, but it was all too broken for me to see at the time. Once the dust settles, the view is a lot clearer (in every way).

 

Now I don't know where we are going. In all honesty? I lost the special feeling I had for her. I can't see the light in her anymore. It's quite sad, but I really don't. I would say she's still special because she will always have a piece of my heart, but I don't feel the same. That's very clear to me. I've moved on.

 

Then I've concluded: after all these years, trying so hard to find love, meeting lots of girls who meant nothing and treated me like ****, going through heartbreaks and feeling sad most of the time, wishing so hard that I had a special someone in my life... I was lacking the most important thing of all: love for myself. And now that I found it, I'm not giving it away.

TL;DR

Broke NC, been seeing my ex, we're taking it slow, but it's clear I don't have the same feelings anymore, maybe because I'm too busy loving myself.

[Bialy]

Damn, Junior. Really sorry to read your post. Tread carefully.

[sorano]

Becareful with that one man. we always wish for the best and hope for the best possible outcome but, the second blow can be worse than the first.