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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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Raina314 Established Member

Raina314

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've found the only thing that really makes me feel okay is just surrendering at this point. Every time I try to tell myself to stop loving him it makes me feel like I'm lying to myself. I feel much calmer if I just let myself continue to love him and accept that I'm sad without him and want him back. I'm not talking to him or stalking him, but just being honest with myself is easier. I've stopped trying to measure any kind of progress, because I inevitably have relapses and then I feel like I've lost everything.

 

I'm tired of telling myself that surely in three months I'll be better, that I'm better off without him, that he doesn't deserve space in my heart, that I have to cut out all reminders of him, including our mutual friends, to heal properly. None of it feels right. It feels better to accept this as just the way things are now. I'm sad and I love him and I miss him. But at least it's a peaceful sadness.

 

Maybe it won't be like this forever and my real prince actually will show up someday. I'm not saying it'll never happen. I just know it's not right now and I'm going to stop looking for that point where it will happen.

Edited by Raina314
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sorano Established Member

sorano

Posted
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Our ex's aren't are businesses anymore. Only thing we can do is move forward. Whether alone or with someone else.

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Wuku Established Member

Wuku

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Our ex's aren't are businesses anymore. Only thing we can do is move forward. Whether alone or with someone else.

 

Very true, doesn't stop us missing them though...

sorano Established Member

sorano

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Very true, doesn't stop us missing them though...

 

Only time will help you to stop missing them. Time, strength, patience. Confidence also helps. My ex USED to know me. key word. used to know. She doesn't know me anymore because I am better now. A totally different person. I am more confident and achieving my goals, making myself happy. Not anyone else.

 

Perseverance, Dedication, Determination, Ambition, Tenacious, Aggressive, Relentless, Confidence, Positive, Fearless.

  • Like 3
NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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Set out to end my life last night. I took my car on the interstate and planned to run into a bridge wall as fast as I could. I couldn't do it though, I drove for over an hour and finally pulled into a gas station and called a suicide help line.

 

I made it home and got some sleep, only to have 2 nightmares about my ex in a row. It's been a ****ty day, but I don't want to kill myself, I just went to get psychiatric help and be happy again

sorano Established Member

sorano

Posted
Posted
Set out to end my life last night. I took my car on the interstate and planned to run into a bridge wall as fast as I could. I couldn't do it though, I drove for over an hour and finally pulled into a gas station and called a suicide help line.

 

I made it home and got some sleep, only to have 2 nightmares about my ex in a row. It's been a ****ty day, but I don't want to kill myself, I just went to get psychiatric help and be happy again

 

Glad you didnt go through it bro. Its honestly not worth it. Think of it this way. If you end your life right, she will find out, be sad for a bit and because how we are built, you will be forgotten about and the world will continue to spin. so why let her win.

oasis Established Member

oasis

Posted
Posted
Set out to end my life last night. I took my car on the interstate and planned to run into a bridge wall as fast as I could. I couldn't do it though, I drove for over an hour and finally pulled into a gas station and called a suicide help line.

 

I made it home and got some sleep, only to have 2 nightmares about my ex in a row. It's been a ****ty day, but I don't want to kill myself, I just went to get psychiatric help and be happy again

 

 

 

NIGHT1985, wow! So glad you did not do this. This too shall pass. I am glad that you had the lucidity to call the suicide hotline. There will be a family and kids in your future....but you have to be alive in order to experience those blessings.

 

 

Please do not let your ex win. She is sooooo not worth it.

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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I'm OK. I actually thought that my ex and I would end up together, but the door has been effectively shut. Not by me - by him.

 

The irony is that this benefits me a lot and he's doing me a huge favor by removing the temptation to contact him. Since I can't.

 

His life is an absolute wreck. He's doing me a huge favor by de-friending me on Facebook and deleting/blocking my number.

 

When I feel down, I remember why it would never work:

 

1- He externalizes blame on others.

 

2- He is so dishonest. I would go so far as to say he is a compulsive liar. He lies about silly things and significant things. It's all about perception.

 

3- He is 15 years older than me. I'm 34, he's 48.

 

4- At 48, He purchased an $808,000 home with his rebound partner after knowing her only 6 months.

 

5-He withdrew from his 401K retirement: $50k. Huge deal and so irresponsible.

 

6- He lets his 12 year old son stay with him a lot as a way to create some distance from his partner. More time with him means less time directly with her, essentially.

 

7- He doesn't no how to say no to anyone, so he's in credit card debt, after not having any.

 

8- He is drinking now daily. He's back on anti-anxiety meds after 7 years of not needing them.

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Heart..PLS STAHP Established Member

Heart..PLS STAHP

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Accidentally clicked on her FB profile today... new profile pic! I don't have her in friends but I unblocked her a couple of months ago.

 

I can't say it felt good. She was standing facing a tree in the forest, raising her hands and the camera caught her back right.. so she is wearing a pink shirt that has an open back, reaaaally short shorts and when I saw her amazing legs I was like WOW there goes my heart racing again. -.-

 

Ugh I am tired. Was doing great but now my day kinda went from good to sad in 1 milisecond. And outside is so shiny, sunny and warm. I think I'll hit the gym.

 

Yup lets go. Cya guys time to destroy the gym and get some juice in my veins so I can get back on track!

NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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Today is awful. My mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. I keep having shortness of breath. I can't keep her off my mind. Nothing is distracting me enough to drown them out. I don't want to be this way, I want to accept it's over. I want to be happy again

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
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Another "OK" day. I've been talking a lot to my mom and aunt over the phone. Just venting with residual feelings, emotions, and frustrations. I also went to the gym for an exercise class. I walked in the city for 6-7 miles! Gorgeous day.

 

I opened up an online dating profile. I had a date today. I didn't sense any connection, but I was open to meeting a second time - But towards the end, I just wasn't feeling it.

 

I have another date tomorrow.

 

I'm not expecting to meet anyone right away. I'm open to the possibility though.

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Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
Posted
Today is awful. My mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. I keep having shortness of breath. I can't keep her off my mind. Nothing is distracting me enough to drown them out. I don't want to be this way, I want to accept it's over. I want to be happy again

Hang in there, NIGHT. What I find is that venting to family/friends really, really helps clear my mind, distract me, and put things into perspective.

 

Do you have anyone to talk to about this? It really helps.

Ladiesdispare Member

Ladiesdispare

Posted
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Today has been tough, yesterday was the hardest day of my life. My partner ( now ex) turned up with a van and took his belongings out of our home. I love him, he loves me but we didnt work out after I could not forgive / forget about a mistake he made last year. we argued , didnt have sex and I nagged him because of it. i have learnt my lesson... i am hurting. I would never do any of the above again. I have lost the most important thing to me, my soul mate, my life and my rock.

 

Here I lie in my bed, on his side, calm but sad. I would give my left leg to have him back with me. To hold me, to laugh with me. I am so sorry for the way I have treated him. I smothered him in the hopes he would want me more.

 

Now i have nothing, nothing but guilt and regret.

juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

Posted
Posted

My ex's been in my mind all day. I saw her last night after almost 3 months not seeing her. She was looking beautiful, nothing changed. Yet it was like seeing a stranger. I complimented her and vice versa. I gave her a hug. Then stepped back to talk to one of her friends.

 

The image of her constantly looking/staring at me simply won't leave my mind. I'm not sure I'll ever forget seeing her crying after I said bye.

 

I don't understand what I am feeling right now. I don't want her back. I don't feel like I care. I don't feel like I still love her. I don't miss her. I don't want anyone either. But there was this little part of me that wanted to get her, carry her in my arms and run away from that place, to somewhere we could be alone and together and we wouldn't have to cry, where nothing would be embarassing and we'd love each other.

 

It sounds so contraditory but it's like even not feeling anything, even it not ruining my party (in fact I kissed a girl just a minute after walking away from her), there was this tiny part of me that wanted her back in my life. :(

  • Like 1
sorano Established Member

sorano

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Junior, I know it sounds confusing and lots of things contradict each other but we all know how that feeling is. Hang in there. Today wasn't good for me either. It's Labor Day and last year I was at the beach with my ex all day then took her out to dinner and she spent the night with me.

  • Like 1
juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

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Junior, I know it sounds confusing and lots of things contradict each other but we all know how that feeling is. Hang in there. Today wasn't good for me either. It's Labor Day and last year I was at the beach with my ex all day then took her out to dinner and she spent the night with me.

 

Oh well, it really sucks, doesn't it? When all these memories come back and we wish we were still in them. At the same time it was relieving to feel that I can handle seeing her, it's also so sad that we're not together anymore.

 

Sometimes I get this feeling that I'll never love someone as much anymore, but I know it's not true and this feeling too shall pass.

 

We'll be fine.

  • Like 1
Deadmeat Established Member

Deadmeat

Posted
Posted
Oh well, it really sucks, doesn't it? When all these memories come back and we wish we were still in them. At the same time it was relieving to feel that I can handle seeing her, it's also so sad that we're not together anymore.

 

Sometimes I get this feeling that I'll never love someone as much anymore, but I know it's not true and this feeling too shall pass.

 

We'll be fine.

 

Hang in there. Your story inspires me to believe that somewhere down the road I'll be okay.

 

I remember with each of my break ups I felt like it could not get any better. My last one was definitely the best. If this trend continues I can only imagine how wonderful the next one will be :)

  • Like 1
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
Posted

Yeah, hang in there, Junior.

 

These feelings will pass.

 

Reading your thread yesterday about the party - it made me relieved that my ex and I don't have any mutual friends or would ever bump into each other in a social setting. That would SUCK! :( I know at this point - we are both not strong enough for that. Especially me, even with all of the damn issues - I think I'd get nostalgic and temporarily forget the issues.

  • Like 1
NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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Hooked up with a gorgeous woman on tinder last night, she isn't dating material, as she was a bit crazy. But damn, I feel way worse this morning... So empty and longing for her more than ever

Deadmeat Established Member

Deadmeat

Posted
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Hooked up with a gorgeous woman on tinder last night, she isn't dating material, as she was a bit crazy. But damn, I feel way worse this morning... So empty and longing for her more than ever

 

I'm sorry you feel that way NIGHT.

 

One of my friends has been hinting in wanting to have sex since I broke up with my ex. My guy friends have been telling me to go for it since it may be good for me. This is what I feared would happen

Beautywithin Member

Beautywithin

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Posted

I'm not doing good today, when you have to see the person who has broken a little bit of my heart every day it hurts, especially when he ignore me and flirts with other women :(:(:(

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Posted

Today has been another OK day. Not bad, not good. I'll take an "OK" day any day.

 

I slept in, made pancakes, and then went out on a date with someone new. This date was good. Not great, just good. Conversation went well. I don't know if I'd see him again - but I'd say yes if he reached out for a second meetup.

 

I went grocery shopping and now I'm just chilling at home.

 

I've been talking to my mom and aunt a lot. Still venting and digesting my ex's behaviors; talking about my present and future too. And just talk about life in general.

  • Like 2
sorano Established Member

sorano

Posted
Posted
Oh well, it really sucks, doesn't it? When all these memories come back and we wish we were still in them. At the same time it was relieving to feel that I can handle seeing her, it's also so sad that we're not together anymore.

 

Sometimes I get this feeling that I'll never love someone as much anymore, but I know it's not true and this feeling too shall pass.

 

We'll be fine.

 

It does suck. The memories just overwhelm you. You remember what you did with that other person on certain holidays, time of the year, etc. Its crazy. You then start to wonder what they are doing.

 

I feel the same way as you about not loving someone as much. Or going all out for that person. As of now, I honestly don't want to date anymore. its too much work and its a hassle. I can't.

 

but we can all help each other. This forum really helps.

  • Like 1
sorano Established Member

sorano

Posted
Posted
Today has been another OK day. Not bad, not good. I'll take an "OK" day any day.

 

I slept in, made pancakes, and then went out on a date with someone new. This date was good. Not great, just good. Conversation went well. I don't know if I'd see him again - but I'd say yes if he reached out for a second meetup.

 

I went grocery shopping and now I'm just chilling at home.

 

I've been talking to my mom and aunt a lot. Still venting and digesting my ex's behaviors; talking about my present and future too. And just talk about life in general.

 

at least your getting back out there. It sounded like a great day to me. Nothing wrong with it.

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