How are you coping today?

[sorano]

It's just crazy to think about... You can be someone world one day, and someone that is dead to them the next. The feeling of being able to share any and everything with that person, to being afraid to drive past their car on your way to work. It's just crazy how irreplaceable we are. Now someone else is getting those cards and text of how much they love that person.

 

100%. I still can't wrap my mind around that concept. One day I was her prince, the one she wanted to marry. The next day, I am the one who she didn't want to see anymore. she ghosted me. I am cut off. I am someone she used to know. And honestly, knowing her? she can give a rats ass about me and forgot me. I know her.

 

All the time I have now, is being used for ME. I am doing so much now. My body is looking ridiculous as well. I was never one to show off. I was a hardcore bodybuilder and I always wore sweaters at the gym. I never showed off. Now? I show it off. I get compliments every where I go and I feel good. From dressing up to getting hair cuts every single week to look fresh. Its my time now.

[juniorrocha]

Plenty of men here too. I have never been more unmotivated. But, I know that I am doing them a favor too.

 

Just gotta keep going ...

 

Yeah, let's take our times. It's not like the world is going to end tomorrow. It's not like they're the only person available in this world. And we'll be fine.

 

I feel really relieved right now. I did it. After 3 months post break up, I finally blocked my ex EVERYWHERE. I thought it wasn't necessary, but now I see how important that step is. I stopped following her, stalking her, it's been 2 months since I last checked on her, but still every now and then I would see something. Tired of it.

 

I use Facebook fairly often and even though I wasn't following her anymore, I was still seeing some of her activities. Not now, not anymore, because she's blocked for good.

 

Just today I realized how I was sabotaging myself letting that happen. I would get some mini heartattacks each time. I realized that, deep inside, I still wanted her back. But I can't have her back. And I shouldn't want that. She did me so wrong. I still cared about her reaction, but that's letting her have some control over my life. But guess what? Now I don't. I'm putting myself first and I'll do whatever it takes to get past this b*tch.

[sorano]

If you keep contact and never block that person you will never heal. your digging your own hole and will never come out

[juniorrocha]

If you keep contact and never block that person you will never heal. your digging your own hole and will never come out

 

Now I see how important that is. It was doing nothing but hold me back a little. I was seeing improvement, but I suppose it will go faster now. More than never I want her completely out of my life. And I'll get this done.

[NIGHT1985]

Yep it sucks. Luckily my ex doesn't have fb, but I did peek at her Pinterest, seeing her pinning wedding stuff so quickly tormented me. I've stopped snooping and contacting her, and have finally began healing. It's been a long painful journey, but I'll get through this

[SixxChick]

Social media does not suck. It's like everything else. Use it for your own advantage. I'm still waiting for the pics of you homeless and neglecting your own children. Instead, you are at Starbucks and getting Asian massages. Not that there is anything wrong with Asians. You just can't freakin' afford a birthday present for your own little girl, who has grown up too fast for you to read her bedtime stories. And she needs serious dental work due to a poor diet. I offered to help with that because my oral surgeon was willing to help. Instead, your daughter is witnessing a nightmare because kids can be cruel. I'm sorry that everything I did for you, and them, went unnoticed. I am slowly learning that life without you is better off for me. I did believe in you. Unfortunately, you did not believe in yourself.

[Raina314]

I stopped trying to date and deleted my profiles on the sites I was on. These past few weeks have been nuts. My friends told me that my ex is now lamenting about how much it sucks to be single and apparently needs a heads up before we appear at the same event so he can be prepared. This whole time I didn't think he cared at all and felt nothing, and now that illusion is broken and it made me really desperate to try and reach out to him, though I know I shouldn't. I'm a lot calmer now, but still very deeply sad. I don't want to see or love anyone else, it all feels wrong. Maybe this feeling won't last forever, but right now I just feel like I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than try to love someone else when I can't. It hurts, but it hurts less than trying to replace ex with someone new. I feel like my drive is just dead.

[juniorrocha]

I stopped trying to date and deleted my profiles on the sites I was on. These past few weeks have been nuts. My friends told me that my ex is now lamenting about how much it sucks to be single and apparently needs a heads up before we appear at the same event so he can be prepared. This whole time I didn't think he cared at all and felt nothing, and now that illusion is broken and it made me really desperate to try and reach out to him, though I know I shouldn't. I'm a lot calmer now, but still very deeply sad. I don't want to see or love anyone else, it all feels wrong. Maybe this feeling won't last forever, but right now I just feel like I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than try to love someone else when I can't. It hurts, but it hurts less than trying to replace ex with someone new. I feel like my drive is just dead.

 

That's just exactly how I feel. I don't feel the need to date, hook up, etc. I'm very concentrated in my own life right now. And it's so good. This new period of my life is making me discover so many things about myself, I'm breaking "rules", I'm finding a new me, accepting the way I am, and feeling better than ever.

 

Yes, it gets lonely. Yes, it's sad and depressing sometimes. And yes, there are times it gets hard and I feel like I'm missing out on something (ex has been partying so hard). Like I can't keep up, like I can't let it go. But then I look at myself, I see how much I've changed, how much I've improved, and that makes me feel somehow safe. It's like the whole world could fall apart out there, but it's ok because I'm on my own little mission and I'll be ready for the world when the time comes.

 

Fill your days with things for you and only you. It's a sad and frightening moment of your life, but once it's gone you'll see how much better you are. I can already see that in 3 months. Can't wait to see what I've become in a year.

 

Yep it sucks. Luckily my ex doesn't have fb, but I did peek at her Pinterest, seeing her pinning wedding stuff so quickly tormented me. I've stopped snooping and contacting her, and have finally began healing. It's been a long painful journey, but I'll get through this

 

Accepting that it's over is the first step to make the healing process easier. I was in denial for 3 months - I mean, deep inside I knew I'd take her back in a heartbeat. Once I blocked her everywhere and removed her completely of my life (still had a pic of her in my wallet), it's like I'm finally free. Now I don't care anymore. The only thing I care about is getting through this phase and meeting someone new. The thought of having a new girlfriend, a new someone special, isn't as scary anymore.

Edited August 27, 2016 by juniorrocha

[Lain123]

Been going through this for almost a month. I loved her with all of my heart and she cheated on me and moved out. Today there are tears, sadness and depression. everything seems overwhelming. She texts me everyday and I am supposed to spend time with her next weekend. Not sure I am capable of going and I am not sure if I am capable of staying away.

[NIGHT1985]

I really really need to cope. How do you just accept that their new partner is the better match for them and makes them much happier? Because it's killing me, when if I really love this girl, I should be so damn happy for her. But I'm not, I'm selfish, I'm miserable, and I'm only thinking of my pain and lack of happiness, and not what she wants and needs

[TheSwanGirl]

Well I am actually having a setback. Since my birthday, I think. It hurts right now, but I know it will pass too. I feel awful right now. I haven't even looked at their social media (I promise! I don't do it anymore). It just hit me like a rock that day: he didn't even remember my birthday.

 

I just feel like I won't have connection with someone again. I am truly afraid he was the love of my life, my first and my last.

 

How do I stop thinking that way? I'm still so naive... I turned 25 on 9th august, and he was my first kiss and blablabla. I feel like everyone is already in love and I'm alone in a big scary world where I can't trust people. A huge part of me tells me I won't love again.

 

I miss him these days. My best friend moved to his neighborhood and it's the worst. She's my BEST FRIEND since I was 15, I can't stop visiting her. Yesterday was her birthday and I went to her house for the first time. Her house is located SO CLOSE to his house... I was on the subway, and when it arrived to my station (his station, I used to go there SO many times... I mean, it's where he lives), I just couldn't function. I couldn't move or get up from the seat, so I just didn't get off on at the stop... I was paralized. So I had to go back and get on the subway again and this time I could get off the station. I called my friend and she picked me up, I was having a huge anxiety attack. But she calmed me (not only she's my best friend, she is a psychologist, and she calmed me very quickly. But his house it's like... VERY close to her house. I am SO afraid someday I will meet him... He will think that I'm spying on him or something. The fact is that I completely refuse to hang with my best friend in the whole world, just for him.

 

I think all this is making me feel worse. Since I was near (so so so close) to his house... It's just terrible. In fact, outside the station is where he ditched me like garbage, screamed at me and told me that I should commit suicide if that's what I wanted.

 

I feel like his old self would punch this new person right in the gut.

 

I'm not in square one, though, I still haven't cried so that's good.

[sorano]

It really sucks seeing us hurt and in this situation. Keep focusing on msking yourself better. Yes be selfish. At this time, be selfish and spoil yourself.

 

My friend wanted me to meet this girl he knows. I just can't do it. I really have no desire. None. I told him I was done with dating for life. Finished. He doesn't believe me.

 

I told him the redundant crap we do when meeting someone is getting really freaking old. I can't play that game anymore. Let's meet. Let's have drinks. Let's do this. Want to meet my friends? My parents want to meet you. NO. The answer is no. For what. Same thing to happen. I may get lucky I may not. For some going down that scary path called love is worth it. They risk it and know they may get hurt again. I cannot risk it. I can't. I have no energy for that.

 

I still think positive. I still try and figure out how to make me better. A relationship will not make me better. I was so happy before I met my ex. I really was a swell man. Human nature, I wanted a gf again. I didn't learn my lesson and thought she was the one. All I was given was false hope and lies.

 

I bent over backwards for her. I showered her with love and affection. I paid for everything. I was a gentleman. But no more. No more. That part of me is dead. It's all about me now. To my ex....you can take your fantasy and shove it up your ass.

[juniorrocha]

How do you just accept that their new partner is the better match for them and makes them much happier?

 

You'll only ever accept that when you stop caring about her life and worry about yours. Her life doesn't matters anymore to you. No, you don't have any obligation to feel happy for her. She left you. I don't think you should wish her life will become misery, but don't be out there cheering for her new relationship just because it feels "right" or to be someone nice.

 

Instead, focus on you. Block her everywhere, trust me this will make you feel so relieved. Find things to do that will be great for you. Change your life. Change your routine. Find a new hobby. Start something you've always wanted to.

 

Don't let her still have any sort of control over you. Use this moment as a way to improve yourself. Force yourself to it if you "don't feel like it". Believe me, eventually you'll be thanking yourself for not giving in.

 

I told him I was done with dating for life.

 

Stop right there, sorano!

 

How can you let someone do that to you? Get yourself together, dude. How's it going for you? What are you doing to get through this phase?

 

Yes, just like you, I don't feel like dating anyone right now. I get VERY lazy when I think about all these things you mentioned. And that's okay. Right now you might think it's forever, that you'll never feel like it anymore, but you will.

 

After all, that's all life is about: never knowing what comes next. Work on yourself, find joy in other aspects of your life and eventually you'll want to meet someone new. Don't rush things, just keep going.

[Raina314]

That's just exactly how I feel. I don't feel the need to date, hook up, etc. I'm very concentrated in my own life right now. And it's so good. This new period of my life is making me discover so many things about myself, I'm breaking "rules", I'm finding a new me, accepting the way I am, and feeling better than ever.

 

Yes, it gets lonely. Yes, it's sad and depressing sometimes. And yes, there are times it gets hard and I feel like I'm missing out on something (ex has been partying so hard). Like I can't keep up, like I can't let it go. But then I look at myself, I see how much I've changed, how much I've improved, and that makes me feel somehow safe. It's like the whole world could fall apart out there, but it's ok because I'm on my own little mission and I'll be ready for the world when the time comes.

 

Fill your days with things for you and only you. It's a sad and frightening moment of your life, but once it's gone you'll see how much better you are. I can already see that in 3 months. Can't wait to see what I've become in a year.

 

I'm trying, it's really all I can do right now. It's just insanely discouraging that I'm almost a year in and still not better. I still love him and miss him every day. I'm trying to get used to the idea that I may be single forever and be okay with that. But it's so different from what I've always envisioned for myself. There are two guys in my life right now I know would go out with me in a heartbeat, but I just don't want them at all. And I can't get hurt like this again.

Edited August 29, 2016 by Raina314

[sorano]

You'll only ever accept that when you stop caring about her life and worry about yours. Her life doesn't matters anymore to you. No, you don't have any obligation to feel happy for her. She left you. I don't think you should wish her life will become misery, but don't be out there cheering for her new relationship just because it feels "right" or to be someone nice.

 

Instead, focus on you. Block her everywhere, trust me this will make you feel so relieved. Find things to do that will be great for you. Change your life. Change your routine. Find a new hobby. Start something you've always wanted to.

 

Don't let her still have any sort of control over you. Use this moment as a way to improve yourself. Force yourself to it if you "don't feel like it". Believe me, eventually you'll be thanking yourself for not giving in.

 

 

 

Stop right there, sorano!

 

How can you let someone do that to you? Get yourself together, dude. How's it going for you? What are you doing to get through this phase?

 

Yes, just like you, I don't feel like dating anyone right now. I get VERY lazy when I think about all these things you mentioned. And that's okay. Right now you might think it's forever, that you'll never feel like it anymore, but you will.

 

After all, that's all life is about: never knowing what comes next. Work on yourself, find joy in other aspects of your life and eventually you'll want to meet someone new. Don't rush things, just keep going.

 

LOL. I know I do need to relax a bit but....what am I doing? I revamped myself. I got a new car, new clothes, I started bodybuilding again ( Im looking big again ) and now I am looking to buying my first home. Im moving up. I have been doing this for a long time already. I mean, I know what to do. I got everything covered. I just feel that I do NOT need a woman by my side to make me happy. what people tend to forget is this. If you were HAPPY before you met your ex, you WILL be happy when shes gone. so for me, I can and will make myself happy again. Do I get mad still? sure. she treated me like crap and lied to me. To my family as well. To me, thats lower that scum. The chewing gum that is stuck on the bottom of my shoes, is worth more than my ex at this point. I am a very very nice person. I will give you my last dollar bill in my pocket. I will take your pain so you wont have to feel it. I will put the worlds prblems on my shoulders if I could do it. But, you treat me the wrong way, harm me or hurt me, there are two things that will happen. I dont bluff. I will not say what I can do or will do. lets leave it at that. I am a no nonsense person. I am strict. I am straight. I am a serious man. yea we can joke around but I expect respect and straight forward answers when talking. Thats who I am.

 

But, I really am done with dating, women, relationships, marriage, all that stuff. Im done. I just have no more desire for it. Like I said earlier, its the same stupid crap over and over. finito. fin. end. Morto.

Edited August 29, 2016 by sorano

[NIGHT1985]

I really wish my ex treated me like crap, it would of made this so much easier.

[Nowty V]

I'm up & down like a Brides nighty..

 

One day I don't feel negative and I'm not aware of you...

 

The next day I'm drowning in the sewage of my lost love...

 

You were Capricorn, needing secrets, making me aware of something but never divulging....

 

I was Cancer, being emotional, needing re assurance... never getting it

 

See-Saw Jack, that's my name

[smellysocksuni]

I'm not coping at all. Memories of her and things we did together are going round and round in my head, even stupid things like making dinner together - it doesn't stop. She is with her friends, having fun, enjoying the weather; she doesn't seem to be thinking about me at all. That makes it worse. I really want to contact her but what would be the point. She doesn't care.

 

I am trying not to let this suck me into a dark place, but it is - I am fighting it daily. Every night I go to sleep crying and wake up and realise that I'm in this situation again. I've blocked her number so I don't know if she's attempted to contact me or not, which I think helps me as coming to the end of a day and not having contact from her was too much for me too handle. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being rejected.

[Joebloggs91]

Seeing my GP today for some help. Two failed relationships this year has knocked me for 6. Whilst this relationship wasn't long, it ended in a similar way and has brought up the feelings I had from my longer term relationship that ended 6 months ago. Suggests to me I wasn't ready to move on even though I thought I was ok.

 

I'm a shadow of my former self, my confidence has been taken away from me. I currently can never see myself settling down with anyone without fearing the inevitable. I can only hope over time these feelings subside

[juniorrocha]

I really wish my ex treated me like crap, it would of made this so much easier.

 

Aren't you feeling like crap now? There goes away your ex's goodness.

 

If you were HAPPY before you met your ex, you WILL be happy when shes gone.

 

Of course you can be happy without someone. You don't have to make it the priority of your life. But you can leave your doors open. Negative thinking will only lead you to negative situations in that aspect of your life. And never forget that nothing lasts forever. Life was given to us to be enjoyed while we're alive. If you stop for a minute and think about it, at the end it was all pointless anyway, so just enjoy while you can.

[NIGHT1985]

I'm such an idiot... My friend from work and her wife told me she met with my ex and her bf. Instead of brushing it off and not commenting, I asked her about them. She said he's a good guy and good to her. It made me furious inside, I told her,

 

"I don't want to hear about them, in fact I don't want to talk to you right now at all"

 

She got mad at said I'm acting ridiculous and crazy, and she's right. I'm so lost.

 

So there you go... Pushed away one of my closest friends/coworkers, someone I have to deal with at work.

 

 

I'm so glad I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow, I feel like I'm losing a battle with my sanity right now

[Crusnik]

I dont Know what's wrong with me today. 3 months into the BU, still on that rollcoster... I'm at work and I can't focus, i find myself crying out of nowhere, it's embarrassing it hurts and I can't control it. Hate it, hate my life, wish I never met her, I wish to just cease to exist. What am I suppose to do? I still want her back! I'm an idiot, how can I still want someone that left me, ignores my feeling, and acts happy, WTF? Did I even meant anything for her? I'm a ****ing coward that's what I am!

[juniorrocha]

I'm such an idiot... My friend from work and her wife told me she met with my ex and her bf. Instead of brushing it off and not commenting, I asked her about them.

 

There's your mistake. Avoid asking and when people comment about your ex, just tell them you don't want to know. But be kind. They have nothing to do with your pain.

 

I suggest you to apologize to your friend tomorrow, bring her something. If she's your friend, she will understand.

 

I dont Know what's wrong with me today. 3 months into the BU, still on that rollcoster... I'm at work and I can't focus, i find myself crying out of nowhere, it's embarrassing it hurts and I can't control it. Hate it, hate my life, wish I never met her, I wish to just cease to exist. What am I suppose to do? I still want her back! I'm an idiot, how can I still want someone that left me, ignores my feeling, and acts happy, WTF? Did I even meant anything for her? I'm a ****ing coward that's what I am!

 

Bolded: exactly, that's what you are. A coward to yourself. Not for being in pain, but for still knowing what's up with your ex's life. Let her go. Block her everywhere, stop stalking, or trying to reach out to her. You need to start the healing process, else you'll keep feeling this way.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish I could help you somehow, but you need to realize that you're sabotaging yourself. You'll be fine as long as you make it your goal.

[juniorrocha]

I wanted to post here my progress in case anyone cares or it gets to be helpful to someone.

 

1st month:

First 4 days not eating/sleeping. First 2 weeks hurting bad. But after 5 days of grieving, I went back to the gym. And I've been going ever since. It's making everything a lot easier. Ex was on my mind all the time. I had a war in my mind the entire time, I could never relax. Thoughts like never finding anyone like her or reaching out to her a few years down the road were constant. I needed her back.

 

2nd month:

Planned a trip by myself. Visited friends, family and hooked up with a bunch of girls. Had the most amazing sex of my life and experienced lots of new things. Ex was still in my mind, but definitely not as much. Now I don't need her anymore. I kinda missed her, but that was it.

 

3rd month:

Feeling great with myself. I'm looking better than ever. My ex now rarely pops up in my head. I'm feeling very comfortable with other girls, I don't compare them to my ex anymore. I don't miss her; however I do miss having someone. I'm not ready for another relationship yet, though.

 

After these 3 months, the most important things I did:

 

1. No contact. It wasn't 100%, still had her in my social medias but wasn't following/stalking. Going 100% NC after a while made things go faster;

 

2. I've been working on myself very hard. I focused entirely on myself, whatever felt good for me. Working out is being very important, I'm feeling very confident;

 

3. Chased my dreams, broke some of my own rules, explored. This was the time to get out of my cage and to experience new things. I feel like I have the whole world for me and I'm not giving it up. At the right time, some other girl will come along. For now, I'm too busy making my wishes come true.

 

If you're reading this and going through a break up, remember that things will get better. I also thought I'd never get over, but I relied on that thought and it is true. But it only gets better if you're working for it. Make it your goal and achieve it.

 

Right now what I have is a stronger person for myself, more confident, more outgoing. And I'm not stopping here. In another 3 months, I'm coming back here to post another progress. I can't wait to see what life holds for me.

[Joebloggs91]

Thank you juniorrocha, you have no idea how much that has helped me today.

 

I'm having a bad day. Thoughts today are not missing her, but wondering now if there was someone else? She said it was long distance and that she couldn't do it. I didn't ask questions, I was dignified and didn't reply. Part of me wants to know if there was someone else, part of me doesn't whatsoever because I know it'll kill me.

 

I had these feelings with my last ex and I guess it's natural to fear someone else. She was a lovely girl so deep down I don't feel she's the type but it's a horrible thought regardless