How are you coping today?

[Wuku]

Brain is fighting over accepting the fact she'll never come back and that she may but that's idiotic. She will never! come back why even when I tell myself this brain still fights back.

 

I know how this feels. I try so hard to keep telling myself "she's never coming back, get used to it", and try to push myself to accept the facts and proof of that statement, yet I still have this feeling or hope that she might come back. Its infuriating, I know she's done with me and she hasn't given me the slightest excuse to think for a second she might change her mind, but it's still there saying "you don't know that, she might". I am much better than I was 8 months ago, I feel I accepted it was over some time ago, and I have happy days as well as bad now, but I just don't seem to be able to shake or fully let go of the feeling of hope that we may be together again one day.

 

Someone has knocked on my door twice in the last couple of weeks, both times I couldn't get to the door to see who it was, and of course now I'm beggining to convince myself it was her because it sounded like "her" knock. How ridiculous is that lol!

[jonesey0]

Someone has knocked on my door twice in the last couple of weeks, both times I couldn't get to the door to see who it was, and of course now I'm beggining to convince myself it was her because it sounded like "her" knock. How ridiculous is that lol!

 

Been there.

 

Until almost one year post breakup, everytime i arrived home i would check to see if something was out its normal placement. Because for some months, i got the feeling she was sneaking into my apartment (where we lived for five years).

 

Windows opened more than i remembered, things out of place, tv channel changed.

 

Realize now it was my mind playing tricks on me. Wishful thinking.

 

Got two calls from unknown numbers, no one talked. In my mind it was her. Probably some comercial lines.

 

Regular private visits to my linkedin profile. Also thought it was her. Sure it wasnt now.

 

Thing is, when we still have hope they will come back, we disregard all logic.

 

And while thats bad, its what keeps us going through the worst times.

[Wuku]

 

Realize now it was my mind playing tricks on me. Wishful thinking.

 

Got two calls from unknown numbers, no one talked. In my mind it was her. Probably some comercial lines.

 

Regular private visits to my linkedin profile. Also thought it was her. Sure it wasnt now.

 

Thing is, when we still have hope they will come back, we disregard all logic.

 

And while thats bad, its what keeps us going through the worst times.

 

Wishful thinking is right, as is disregarding logic, but as you say, it gets us through the worst times. Just wish my mind would completely move on, get rid of that last bit of belief in the impossible. Maybe that will only happen when I'm not in love with her anymore, and the sadness of letting that last bit go doesn't feel so terrible.

[sorano]

I am doing ok. I went out last night, and some random woman came up to me and started talking. Her opening line was, " can I feel your arms? They look so delicious" and she was giggling.

 

woman was sexy. we spoke, had a few drinks, you know. At the end of the night she wanted my number. I said no. even though I was attracted to her, and I felt we could have hit it off bc we had so much in common, I just dont care or want anything to do with dating. I really dont care lol.

 

People have seen my posts about giving up recently and I did change my way of thinking. well, last night confirmed it. I said no, and I was happy to leave alone. I dont have to go out on dates anymore, I dont have plan dates, get flowers, meet the family, spend money, and have my heart broken again. That whole dating ritual is so annoying, redundant, and again, I just really dont care for it. The being romantic with "oh your so beautiful, can I get you a drink", kissing there ass, lol I can't. I just can't anymore.

 

completely done with dating, women, finding the one, all that nonsense, was the best choice I have made. I feel good inside. Its as if I beat a disease or I just passed away in my sleep from having a bad diesease and I am free. Again, i wish everyone else luck on finding there one, starting a family, have kids, the american dream. I really do wish you guys well who are still searching.

 

Love is a crazy road. Very scary road. But people still do it because for them? It's worth it. so they will go down that road again. Me? I am on a different road and path.

[stemac]

I am doing ok. I went out last night, and some random woman came up to me and started talking. Her opening line was, " can I feel your arms? They look so delicious" and she was giggling.

 

woman was sexy. we spoke, had a few drinks, you know. At the end of the night she wanted my number. I said no. even though I was attracted to her, and I felt we could have hit it off bc we had so much in common, I just dont care or want anything to do with dating. I really dont care lol.

 

People have seen my posts about giving up recently and I did change my way of thinking. well, last night confirmed it. I said no, and I was happy to leave alone. I dont have to go out on dates anymore, I dont have plan dates, get flowers, meet the family, spend money, and have my heart broken again. That whole dating ritual is so annoying, redundant, and again, I just really dont care for it. The being romantic with "oh your so beautiful, can I get you a drink", kissing there ass, lol I can't. I just can't anymore.

 

completely done with dating, women, finding the one, all that nonsense, was the best choice I have made. I feel good inside. Its as if I beat a disease or I just passed away in my sleep from having a bad diesease and I am free. Again, i wish everyone else luck on finding there one, starting a family, have kids, the american dream. I really do wish you guys well who are still searching.

 

Love is a crazy road. Very scary road. But people still do it because for them? It's worth it. so they will go down that road again. Me? I am on a different road and path.

 

I can relate to you're post so so much I am on the same road as

you are on, I wish you all the best

[Trinity_84]

I went out last night, had a few drinks and ended up kissing someone I met at the bar. Well, it's now been 6 months since the BU and I guess it's good time to start getting out there and meeting new people, if only just for the fun of it. But when I came home I felt very depressed about my ex. Saw some pictures and started crying.

 

At this point I'm not even sure why I even cried. During my days when I'm sober I feel about 80-90% over the relationship and over the person I lived with. I honestly feel very good about everything, where my life is now and how I've changed in the past 6 months. So I guess there's still a bit of feelings there that come out sometimes after I drink and meet other men that are interested in me. It's not that I am comparing, I honestly can't tell what is happening. It's almost like I feel bad after other men show an interest in me (albeit only physical), when it should be the other way around.

 

Maybe I should stop drinking.

Edited August 21, 2016 by Trinity_84

[NopeNah]

I dumped her(this time).. Typed up a long(for me)text..never sent it. Been drinking, watching the fights with friends...Not sure if the text will ever get sent..Could've went/brought girls home,but didn't..not there yet.. Busy day tomorrow with friends,but I'll keep the drafted text for a few.. Today I was lonely for the first time in a few weeks. Habit...It's a mutha****a!

[Raina314]

I haven't fallen this far backwards since the day he broke up with me. My friends are telling me that he's lonely now and wants a relationship again, and I jumped right back into my old mindset of thinking I could get him back. I haven't contacted him but I'm desperate to. I don't care about any other guys or plans for myself or anything. All my progress is gone and I'm miserable. I've gone on a few dates and they're not all bad but nothing compares and today I have to tell the guy I've already seen a couple times that I'm not ready for anything. I feel like the only thing left for me to do is make a total fool of myself and try to reach out to him. Maybe a second rejection will be painful enough to deter me for good. I feel 100% worthless and I've done everything. I haven't texted him once in these nine months, I've been to therapy, I've taken up new hobbies, I've tried to meet with other guys, repair old friendships, travel, apply for new jobs, learned to cook...but deep down I still want the same thing and I can't see any way out anymore.

[Cupid's Puppet]

I registered Ex-Midget's number as a spam number. Now I can peacefully move on from him without continuing to respond to his meaningless texts. This one might hurt for a while.

[freebird31]

I went on a date. Wow. He treated me like a queen. Never had that kind of treatment before. I like him. He said he likes me too. I'm scared. I didn't admit it at first. But I am. I feel it. The fear in my mind and my heart and my soul. And every time I see his face light up with a smile. I feel my soul slowly warming up to his. And I'm so scared. Trust. Trust ? I don't trust him yet. We haven't kissed yet. But we wanted to. I wanted to. We looked into each other's eyes. My mind tells me no. My body says yes. But I don't want to. I feel afraid. God please don't let me get hurt. Please God. Because I can't go through it again. God please I would rather be alone than to have to go through what I went through again. The date was perfect. We both opened up. Nothing too too deep. I don't want to mention my past. Not yet anyway it is too soon. This should be treated as something fun. Have to remind myself. But God, tell me how I am supposed to treat this as something fun when I get these butterflies when I see him and his smile. It's all light and fun in the beginning. How is this supposed to be fun when I felt so safe with him the entire night we were together. Never have I felt so safe and comfortable with another. So casual and comfortable. Take it slow. Take it slow. Don't get too invested too quickly like I have in the past. Baby steps. Maybe this will be the answer. Baby steps. Extreme baby steps. We are friends. Friends who hang out and go on ramantic dates who enjoy one another's company for now. Maybe for a while. I don't know. I need to relax. I just have been through so much. I mean it's normal to feel this way. This cautious. But I'll take it one day at a time. And not get too invested too soon.

[juniorrocha]

Yesterday I got home from a trip that helped me get into a new perspective of life. There was a mini book in my room. The girl I was seeing for about a month or so, who was supposed to be a FWB, wrote like 20 pages stating how she's in love with me, and how she wants us to be more than just friends. That crushed my heart.

 

In a way I'm happy someone loves and cares about me that much. She made me feel very special from the day we first met. But I still can't completely shake my ex out of my mind. I wouldn't get back with her if I had the chance, but it feels like it's taking forever to heal these wounds. I'm too hurt with everything, starting a new relationship with someone who I don't even have feelings for is not fair for any of us.

 

What sucks is that she is a really nice girl. She became a big friend in so short time. But I don't want more than that. I wanna be free.

 

She lives very near, I guess today we're going to have the talk. I'm afraid I'll lose her friendship, but I can't continue with this.

[Bialy]

Feeling in limbo. Thinking about my ex. Feeling really sad for him. He's in a weird predicament of his own doing -- a type of relationship that I would never want in a million years.

 

Thinking about the present and the future.

 

I had a chance to spend time with my mom this weekend. She came down to visit me. We talked a lot. Nice time.

 

I've been coping by not taking any time off and working all this summer. I'm really in need of some time off soon.

[TheSwanGirl]

Well I am actually having a setback. Since my birthday, I think. It hurts right now, but I know it will pass too. I feel awful right now. I haven't even looked at their social media (I promise! I don't do it anymore). It just hit me like a rock that day: he didn't even remember my birthday.

 

I just feel like I won't have connection with someone again. I am truly afraid he was the love of my life, my first and my last.

 

How do I stop thinking that way? I'm still so naive... I turned 25 on 9th august, and he was my first kiss and blablabla. I feel like everyone is already in love and I'm alone in a big scary world where I can't trust people. A huge part of me tells me I won't love again.

 

I miss him these days. My best friend moved to his neighborhood and it's the worst. She's my BEST FRIEND since I was 15, I can't stop visiting her. Yesterday was her birthday and I went to her house for the first time. Her house is located SO CLOSE to his house... I was on the subway, and when it arrived to my station (his station, I used to go there SO many times... I mean, it's where he lives), I just couldn't function. I couldn't move or get up from the seat, so I just didn't get off on at the stop... I was paralized. So I had to go back and get on the subway again and this time I could get off the station. I called my friend and she picked me up, I was having a huge anxiety attack. But she calmed me (not only she's my best friend, she is a psychologist, and she calmed me very quickly. But his house it's like... VERY close to her house. I am SO afraid someday I will meet him... He will think that I'm spying on him or something. The fact is that I completely refuse to hang with my best friend in the whole world, just for him.

 

I think all this is making me feel worse. Since I was near (so so so close) to his house... It's just terrible. In fact, outside the station is where he ditched me like garbage, screamed at me and told me that I should commit suicide if that's what I wanted.

 

I feel like his old self would punch this new person right in the gut.

 

I'm not in square one, though, I still haven't cried so that's good.

[caregiver]

My situation is different in we are together and still love each other very much. Her care takes all of my time everyday. Minor things, meds and multiple things done at intervals. I don't get solid sleep. A lot of cat naps.

 

I do a lot of minor pastimes to keep my mind off of all of this and what the future will bring. I cannot go anywhere so the yard and garage are my sanctuary. I had a penpal but she sort of just dropped out. My situation is not for the faint of heart.

 

I have had a hard life, but nothing prepared me for this. She is slowly dying and nothing I can do will stop the cancer.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Yesterday I spent the whole day thinking about her. I even discussed the relationship with my aunt as we were hiking. She told me:

 

- Well if living together is what she wanted give it to her then! Either way you are trying to satisfy three parties - one is your parents, one is your boss and one is her. Go study abroad which will satisfy your parents, find a job placement in the company there which will satisfy your boss and tell her that you want her to move in with you there so you are both away and living together she won't refuse I'm sure of it!

 

- Do you really think that would work because I'm kinda thinking about it too - I said.

 

- Yeah absolutely. One day you may have children, get married but if you want to get called an ******* again during your marriage and treated like you were before go for it!

 

Funny as it looks she was right! Do I really need that.. why do I still miss her so much.. My aunt told me that she will eventually call to apologize how she ended the relationship blah blah.. but I am absolutely 100% sure she will never call even in a few years. I have a better chance winning the Xfactor without even going there.

 

One hell of an idiot I am I give myself that! Well done me!

[asphyxis]

Feeling really angry and bitter. I shouldn't but I am. I want to rage off in a tantrum on how unstable of an individual he is. People perceive him to be completely different than what he actually is. They think he's his nerdy, lonely, amazingly charming guy who has everything going for him, and he's completely insecure. Our relationship was so toxic, I ignored so many red flags out of the sake of giving someone the benefit of a doubt.

 

In enlightening news, I'm handling the break up better than my ex. I known this for reasons that I shouldn't and not because I was seeking the information or snooping. He's blocked and I've had no desire to view anything of his. He's telling people the same dumb stuff he told me about all his other break ups and handling it the same way as all other previous ones for him. I feel sorry for him if that's how he uses his charm. I certainly felt fooled falling for it when I first met him. The saying "You learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than the beginning" is true. I'm glad he beat me to it, and the more I'm taking care of myself each day, making positive changes, etc, I feel like I'm really handling this break up better than my previous ones or expected. I also am realizing I was also more checked out of the relationship. I also laughed when he told a friend of mine that he could see himself falling for her. Funny how he told me he couldn't do a LDR after me, and it's only been 7 weeks. Sure, I care about him but I feel like I'm in such a different mental perspective. I'm actually really happy, and I can confidently say that. I'm finally starting to feel free.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Not sure if venting here helps me or drags the healing process but here goes...

 

I feel down so much I am tired. Not just emotionally tired, physically too. I feel the constant need to sleep all the time. I sometimes cry silently total pokerface just tears streaming down my cheeks. Keep telling myself to man up but it's hard knowing all the loneliness waiting for me, how she doesn't even care and how she left me in this agony without even explanation after all this time we've been together. The ending is what broke me I think. I could've gone through the healing process way better if we talked about it.

 

Tired of scraping tears from my face, tired of the bitterness of everyday boring life with nobody to share it with, tired of the false friends, the people you can't make a serious conversation with and all they tell you is to forget it.

 

Sometimes I wonder is life really that difficult to understand? Is it that difficult to love each other regardless of our differences... or is it all just a ruse plant in our heads since birth that we are MEANT for more, we are MEANT to be with our "soulmate", that we are MEANT for better things.

 

...

 

Because in the end we are dying alone anyway and I am sure as hell that by the time comes I want to be happy and happy with the person I love! Not a childish fantasy people around me are preaching!

 

There I said it! Be loved and happy guys!

[Wuku]

Not sure if venting here helps me or drags the healing process but here goes...

 

Is it that difficult to love each other regardless of our differences... or is it all just a ruse plant in our heads since birth that we are MEANT for more, we are MEANT to be with our "soulmate", that we are MEANT for better things.

 

 

Because in the end we are dying alone anyway and I am sure as hell that by the time comes I want to be happy and happy with the person I love! Not a childish fantasy people around me are preaching!

 

I also wonder sometimes if posting here is helping to keep the pain alive, and prolonging healing. But it does help, especially when we are all in the same boat.

 

I think the "meant to be with" and "soulmate" beliefs are wishful thinking and Romanticism. There are billions of people on the planet, the chances are much more likely that you are compatible with more than one of those people. After all, we haven't met everybody yet. We could have many different soul mates and unfortunately not meet many of them. I have had two that I thought were mine, especially the last one, and I was obviously wrong. I worry that I'm not going to meet another one, and that is the problem. And each one takes a little piece of me with them, and I know I will always have a place in my heart for them. I just hope that I do meet someone "special", and that it lasts and I don't have to go through this again. For now though, I'm staying single.

[Wuku]

Just come across some cards she sent me, telling me how much she loves me and how special she feels to be with me etc. Hasn't done as much damage as I would of expected, but just shows me not to trust these things. I find it hard to believe we have gone from something so special to meaning nothing to each other anymore. I thought I would be with her for the rest of my life, I never thought we'd end up here...

[sorano]

ahh yes, you also got those cards and letters. I threw mine in the garbage. just a bunch of lies and useless meaning. I know the whole story. like I tell everyone. This day in age, we are all disposable, nobody fights for anyone anymore, morals and values are gone, things are changing. The grass is greener.

[Wuku]

It does seem like that Sorano. It's sad but people staying together like they used to doesn't seem to be true anymore. It makes it difficult to trust anyone. I will keep the cards though, I always have done with previous girlfriends. It reminds me that I have had love in my life at some point, and they eventually become readable without causing any pain.

[juniorrocha]

3 months passed and some things are still spinning in my head. I don't understand. How can someone who hurt me still have such importance in my life?

 

Lately I've been waking up thinking about her, something I hadn't done for a while. I dreamed about her last night. I know this will pass too. Sometimes I wonder if I still cross her mind.

 

I don't miss her that much. Not her. I miss the moments. A while ago I was missing everything that made her so unique. But now I don't see that light. In fact, yesterday I saw her in a video with her friends and well, it was like seeing a stranger... a stranger that I know very well, but still a stranger.

 

There are plenty girls chasing me. There's one that I don't understand how can she not give up, it's been 2 months already of me pushing her away. There's one deeply in love with me. There are also a few more I met during a trip. Yet I don't feel like talking to them, chasing them, anything. I don't want my ex either.

 

It makes me lazy to think about relationships. Unmotivated too.

 

I guess at the right time everything will feel fine again. Just gotta keep going.

[NIGHT1985]

ahh yes, you also got those cards and letters. I threw mine in the garbage. just a bunch of lies and useless meaning. I know the whole story. like I tell everyone. This day in age, we are all disposable, nobody fights for anyone anymore, morals and values are gone, things are changing. The grass is greener.

 

It's just crazy to think about... You can be someone world one day, and someone that is dead to them the next. The feeling of being able to share any and everything with that person, to being afraid to drive past their car on your way to work. It's just crazy how irreplaceable we are. Now someone else is getting those cards and text of how much they love that person.

[SixxChick]

There are plenty girls chasing me. There's one that I don't understand how can she not give up, it's been 2 months already of me pushing her away. There's one deeply in love with me. There are also a few more I met during a trip. Yet I don't feel like talking to them, chasing them, anything.

 

Plenty of men here too. I have never been more unmotivated. But, I know that I am doing them a favor too.

 

Just gotta keep going ...

[sorano]

It does seem like that Sorano. It's sad but people staying together like they used to doesn't seem to be true anymore. It makes it difficult to trust anyone. I will keep the cards though, I always have done with previous girlfriends. It reminds me that I have had love in my life at some point, and they eventually become readable without causing any pain.

 

Yes, as time goes on, they will be easier to read. It will just be a memory. You can keep them. Nothing wrong with it. we all cope and do things differently. For me, I dont like to keep any love letters my ex wrote me. I had letters she wrote that were pages long. All those words, the time she put into it, was just a big pile of $hit. It was one lie after another. Maybe at that time they weren't lies, and she meant it? But, changing your mind in the matter of a few weeks and just leaving, is too wild. Its very drastic. so to me, they were all lies.

 

I was basically there to fill a void in her life. I was the nice romantic guy she was looking for. But at the same time, I wasn't. I wasn't chosen, it wasn't me she was looking for. The wedding rings, the letters, the family talk, all that nonsense. One big fat lie. so why should I save those letters. They are more useful to me to start a fire with. At least it can keep me warm, unlike her.

 

I am just glad that I no longer want a gf. I just dont feel that I can put the energy into another relationship. so at the age of 34, I officially called it quits. I hve so many hobbies and things I have to accomplish that women, family, relationships, its just not for me and I dont have time for that anymore in my life. The dream is crushed, the energy for that is not there, false hope NO MORE.