How are you coping today?

[Bialy]

Not good. I'm at day 24 and it seems like it dawned on me that this is really over. She doesn't miss me, she is in love and happy. I barely slept tonight, the pain is incredible. It's worse than day 1. Really wish I'd have somebody to talk to about all this stuff.

I wish I could write to her and she would understand.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Try not to go so long without eating.

 

You don't have anyone to talk about it with -- any family member or a friend? We are here for you. Vent away. Let it all out.

[He1senberg]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Try not to go so long without eating.

 

You don't have anyone to talk about it with -- any family member or a friend? We are here for you. Vent away. Let it all out.

 

Thank you for you response. I actually posted a thread here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/590785-we-opposite-places

 

I hope you have a beautiful day!

[sooshi]

A few minutes ago, I checked an old e-mail account to see if my ex had contacted me. I only looked at the first page of e-mails. I couldn't look further.

 

Nothing.

 

It makes my heart sink. All those years, left to evaporate into ashes. Did it mean anything at all?

 

Must keep going forward, regardless.

Edited August 10, 2016 by sooshi

[justine1]

I really miss him. It's really hard trying not to contact him, he wanted to be left alone. It's been three days since we last spoke and It's too hard.

[justine1]

I want to text him so bad. I need him in my life. I need to talk to him. He's my best friend. I think I' going crazy I can't handle this it's too painful

[NIGHT1985]

Feeling a bit better now. I have a date tomorrow with someone that seems awesome, but I won't get my hopes up too much. Too much can go wrong with OLD.

 

I'm still missing my ex like crazy. I so badly wanna be happy for her, that the guy she is with treats her so well and that she's never been so happy with a man before, but it's so hard for me to let it go. It's getting easier each day, I just hope I don't drive past her car or see her in town anytime soon.

[Crusnik]

I'm feeling so bad... jeez... just got home to eat something before heading back to work... out of nowhere our song starts playing...oh man... before i knew it was crying like a baby...

 

I miss her so much...it hurts like hell, i would give anything to have her back with me. Its moments like this, that i wish i could just fall asleep to never wake up.

[Wuku]

Eight months later, and I still miss her quite often. Occasionally I feel really down and close to tears, but that goes just as quickly as it comes. I'm unhappy that we aren't together, and know we never will be, but I can't stop thinking "what if? ".

 

When I think about how a conversation might go with her, I have to hold myself back from giving her emotions she doesn't have, like remorse, regret, caring, even just thinking about me. I have to be tough on my emotion and the imaginary conversation because I know that if I thought about it long enough, I'd make myself believe that she does feel something, maybe she is regretting her decision, maybe she is at home feeling down like me. But the truth probably is that she is seeing someone else and I have been forgotten. She was more than likely relieved when she finally ended it, having probably been thinking and feeling it was over for some time before I knew about it, and her silence and just disappearing from my life shows what she wants. And yet I still think of her every day, still with a small but dwindling flame of hope burning.

 

I'm lonely, and yet at the same time I'm used to being on my own, so I don't always notice how alone I am. I have friends and family, but I don't see or speak to most of them very often. I can go a week or two without seeing a single person, and I mean anyone not just friends and family. And yet if most people want to speak or visit I will not want to do the same. The only person I see every 1-2 weeks, and really want to see, is my daughter. I do get occasional text messages from people, and more regularly from my daughter. I get bored just being in my house with nothing to do, yet I can't find the motivation or courage to go and do something on my own. I won't even go to the shops unless it's absolutely necessary. I know I'm an introvert and I'm at peace with that, but I have become a recluse too. And being an introvert means I find it more difficult to meet people or make friends. I'm so used to immersing myself in tv and the Internet, and to often I feel content with that. I know I should want more, and I really do, but I don't know what it is that I want. I don't even understand myself anymore. I don't know if a relationship is right for me, I need my space quite a lot, but I don't want to be on my own forever either. Again, more confusion, indecisiveness and ambivalence. My ex liked her space to, and we worked because we were happy doing our own thing, as much as we were doing things together. But this isn't just about my ex anymore, it's about how I see my future without her, and it doesn't look great.

 

I'm a mess, and yet, in terms of my ex, I'm better than I was eight months ago. I just wish I could be happy though.

[NIGHT1985]

Out of no where today hit me as one of the worst yet... I'm missing everything about her so bad and I don't want to put anymore strength into moving on... When is suicide a viable option? I don't truly feel like I'll meet anyone like her again and anyone else will just be me settling. Surely I'm not the only that feels like they've hit the pinnacle of their life and everything after will most likely be a step down.

[Majormisstep]

Out of no where today hit me as one of the worst yet... I'm missing everything about her so bad and I don't want to put anymore strength into moving on... When is suicide a viable option? I don't truly feel like I'll meet anyone like her again and anyone else will just be me settling. Surely I'm not the only that feels like they've hit the pinnacle of their life and everything after will most likely be a step down.

 

I'm right with you NIGHT. Can hardly function most days. Everything is a chore.

[Newt86]

Some days are up, some are down. I poked my head back up recently in the world of dating after a much deserved break, only to have my heart ripped out of my chest and tossed in the trash can. Plus, to make it worse, my neighbor someone who decided I wasn't the one for him, has a new girlfriend and I have to see her car in his driveway nearly everyday.

[justine1]

Broke the NC rule after one week. It was the worst thing to do. I maybe had a chance of us being together again in the future, now it's impossibile. Said some things that made him upset..he said that he needed time and now he asks me to stop waiting for him and that I have to forget him and to move on without him in my life. I'm still in shock, probably will realize this tomorrow morning. It will be very hard. He was so cold, never been like that before. I'm so stupid..again it's my fault, I asked too many questions and said that I don't understand and he got angry. He said so many things that are like a knife cutting me slowly open. I don't know how I will survive.

[Cupid's Puppet]

Ugh I need to start giving these exes names. Well the ex that made me sign up for this site, I'll call him Ex Alpha. I thought I'd never get over Ex Alpha. But recently his birthday passed and I didn't even know it. My mom was the one who alerted me about his birthday. I mean that was a huge breakthrough for me. It has been over 2 years since he dumped me, and on his birthday I didn't even think of him. I didn't even think "It is July 22nd. It is his birthday." Wow! Maybe by the 4th years I'll truly be over him.

 

Now Ex Manipulator, I don't think about him at all. Well actually, the only time I think about him is when I am horny as he was great in bed. But that is the only time.

 

Recently there has been Ex Never Commit to Anything and Ex Midget. Ex Never Commit to Anything gave me a nice STD. Thank you. Pretty much sums up my love life. And Ex Midget I only went on 2 dates with and we thankfully didn't do anything intimate. I guess that is why Ex Midget made up this idea that I was being an ass...just so he can go chasing some other ass. And why am I crying over a guy I only went on 2 dates with? I guess because he said his job was to make sure he always saw me smile and to always see my dimples. Oh boy did that change in a matter of a week.

 

Ah I'm tired posting in this forum. I need to just be alone...like forever.

[WonderKid]

I'm getting there but it's been slow recently. I'm getting over her pretty well. It's just tough to "process" now and then. Like, I still can't believe it happened after all we been through. Like it was my first time loving and I really loved that girl but she just threw me away saying she has to work on herself. I'm very glad how I handled this though. I didn't keep her as a friend.

And I know she has to be happy. I just wish she didn't say that she loved me. Because she didn't. I really think she didn't. And that's why I have vengeful thoughts. Like...not dark vengeful thoughts.

But like, I hope her car breaks back down. I let her use mine without a problem for a few months. I hope it breaks down. But it's not a good thought and I know it, but cannot help it since I feel what she did was very deceptive.

 

Things that never bothered me when I was single before her, bothers me now: seeing couples, romance scenes in movies or shows, couples on social media. And every time I pass a certain place, or hear a certain song and see a movie that brings up memories.

 

Usually it's the weekends that get me the most. The joy of having a companion that can stand to be around your for hours is a great feeling. But I'm slowly recovering from the abandonment.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Hey guys posting an update on my part.

 

I just came back from a week vacation by the sea with friends and some new ones. I had only 1 day out of the whole time that I was a bit down over my ex but I feel that was because we partied really hard over the entire vacation and I haven't had much sleep plus hangover in high amounts.

 

What matters is that my friends invited a new girl I never knew in the group. She stayed for a couple of days with us. She is 22, dancer and her zodiac is cancer which as I'm a taurus I like it because I tend to have an amazing connection with water signs. She is stunningly beautiful, down to earth and furthermore really smart and ambitious. I was astounded how connected I felt to her and I only knew her for a couple of days. We had amazing moments together, we laughed so hard and I constanly been noticing how she looks at me. She has a boyfriend but you know those looks where your eyes just stay focused on each other for a couple of seconds. I even made her breakfast in bed (we had a bet haha) and decided to take her with my car to the bus station as she had to leave us sooner just the two of us. We talked so much and laughed so much again I didn't want her to leave and when she did I felt kinda down.

 

My best friend thinks that I like her because she resembled my ex too much. He says "Dude she looks EXACTLY like her. Same height, same smile, same face, even her hair is the same the only difference is she knows how to dance...". When I looked the pictures I have from this vacation I see where he sees all those similarities but I kinda see her as a different person.

What matters is however she has a boyfriend so I won't make a move plus I think she just liked me but nothing more.

 

Thanks for reading if you did and I hope you have nice holidays soon! Keep your heads up we are moving in the right direction!

[asphyxis]

Almost a month and a half in and more good than bad days. Today it feels like I've stepped back in progress. It's the "I miss you and your voice". I wonder what he's been up to. Blocking has made the transition easier. I had to stop a mutual friend from telling me he's taking the break up hard, drinking every night but that he cares about me. When I heard that, I just felt bitterness. But today is a mundane day, and I just want to talk like old times. It's crazy how people who mean everything to you turn right back into strangers. It's probably what I have difficulty most, but I've accepted the break up and I've been moving forward. Flirting and enjoying my time doing me. I've lost 13lbs from changing my diet, and I'm making positive changes with my eating habits again. I've put everything into my career and job, and it's helped keep me focused. I'm ready for the next move in my life. I just wish I could shake this feeling today.

[aeroguy]

I have a great family. My sister was nice enough to come by yesterday to help put some of my STBX stuff in boxes. I've tried to do it in the past, but I get to a certain point, and I just find myself sitting on the floor weeping. My sister brought over a bunch of boxes, and while I was in the garage making room for said boxes, my sister put a lot of her things away never to be seen by me again. I was in the bedroom, and I found a couple of my STBX hair clips on the floor. I thought that I could just pick them up, and bring them to my sis to put into a box, but that was a big mistake. I didn't even make it down the hallway before I lost it. I was trying to hide the fact that I lost it while taping up the box, but I must not have done a good job. My sister didn't say anything, she just put her hand on my shoulder. Things have to start getting better.

[dyna85]

I am regressing big time. These past few weeks, I've felt an intense urge to look him up on social media, and after weeks of resisting the urge, I finally gave in last night.

 

I feel guilty for having looked, but it is what it is. I did it. I searched for him online, and I saw his photos.

 

It's a definite strange thing seeing someone look like they don't have a care in the world while you've been tormented this entire time.

 

Two years without so much as a peep from him.

 

It's great to just be discarded like you meant nothing, when you can't stop thinking of the person who discarded you.

 

I don't get people.

 

Hell, I don't even get myself. How can I still be thinking of him 2 years after the fact? Oh, that's right, because I actually cared.

 

I'm trying not to be sarcastic and cynical, but God. How can you not be cynical when someone just ditches you and leaves you behind and doesn't care if you're dead or alive? That's the part that gets me too. This fact that he truly doesn't care if I'm dead or alive. How do I know? Because I'm not on social media, so it's not like he has had any urge to look me up, because even if he did, he wouldn't be able to, and obviously that hasn't mattered.

 

Knowing you don't matter to someone you care for so deeply is one of the worst feelings.

 

I truly don't know how I'm going to get through this. I'm knees deep in this misery and there seems to be no end in sight.

 

The holidays are only a few months away. Holy hell. The last to years' worth of holidays were awful. Esp Nov-Jan. Now to do it for the third time in a row...holy hell. Is all I can say.

[MajorOak]

Read my first post on this site again today, 10th January 2014, 3:08 AM.

 

I was a complete mess at that time, only marginally better now. FU.

[freebird31]

I have a date. For the first time in over a year. and it's not with someone whom I met online, nor is it someone who I was set up with. Like the other only 2 dates I have ever been on in the last 3 years lol. It is someone who I met at work. Feeling really good. Really balanced actually. It feels like the right time in my life to finally set my feet in the water. everything is really good right now. Not because of the things that are happening in my life, but because I have a different attitude about life which took a lot of building and molding over the last few years. It's the right time now. my first date in so long.

[dyna85]

correction to my above post: two* years' worth.

 

Anyway, the entire day I've been annoyed with myself for falling back into old habits. I guess that's why they say old habits die hard, but this has been a tremendously difficult exercise in self-restraint.

 

Again, I messed up by giving into temptation and going online to look up the ex. Bad idea, but at the same time, it's not like it triggered any new feelings. It just made me feel like a complete moron for continuing to pine for someone who has long since forgotten about me. It's sort of like seeing someone who threw dirt on your face walking around smiling and laughing at you for being so sensitive.

 

It did conjure up feelings of insufficiency, and like there must be something wrong with me to continue to feel this way.

 

It's not like I haven't been trying to move past this either.

 

It's just, I notice, when I give up all my vices and just am at one with nature and myself, that pull of wanting to go back to him is there.

 

I was reading this book about how things left unsaid can cause so much sickness within yourself, and this is my problem. I feel like there was no closure, and it's hard for me to accept the end, when there wasn't definitive closure, where I was at least acknowledged for how I felt.

 

It just doesn't make sense to me how people can block stuff like this out, and move on like nothing.

 

The experience continues to reverberate within me to such a degree that I'm like, I don't want to live like this anymore. Yet, my mind can't seem to achieve resolution without the closure part with him.

 

I feel like this is some huge secret I'm keeping from the world. Those closest to me just don't understand and it seems I can't really reveal my continued feelings to anyone without them acting like I should be over it and it's no big deal. For me it's a huge deal and I just keep praying for some sort of closure.

[NIGHT1985]

Lost control... Swarmed my ex with text and phone calls, which in return pushed her to call me last night saying she filed a no contact order against me... I told her I'm ashamed of my actions and the whole thing is making me suicidal. She told me to promise her that I'd get help, and that she would drop the order in 6 months if I got the help I needed.

 

 

I'm seeing a counselor tomorrow. I just don't understand how I could go from on top of the world to a broken disgusting person in a years time. If you guys find yourself obsessing over the past, please get help before it takes control over you.

[NopeNah]

Lost control... Swarmed my ex with text and phone calls, which in return pushed her to call me last night saying she filed a no contact order against me... I told her I'm ashamed of my actions and the whole thing is making me suicidal. She told me to promise her that I'd get help, and that she would drop the order in 6 months if I got the help I needed.

 

 

I'm seeing a counselor tomorrow. I just don't understand how I could go from on top of the world to a broken disgusting person in a years time. If you guys find yourself obsessing over the past, please get help before it takes control over you.

Dude!!! Time to accept this at face value: She does not plan on dating you. Hopefully the suicidal thing was just an attempt to get her attention, but when it gets to the point that she takes out a no contact order? C'mon,man! Let her go and hope/wish she finds happiness. Chin up,Bro!

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Keep your heads up we are moving in the right direction!

 

Okay not sure what happened to my positive mood but I cried this morning when I woke up.. It seems my "play pretend" mood over the holiday is gone now and the everyday life of going to work and back at home hit me like a truck. Again some thoughts that nothing to look forward in life creep in.

And it is wierd as well because I am getting promoted at work in about a week. I will train a whole class and direct their training by myself only and yet I feel nothing. It is as if the emptiness cannot be filled with that promotion...

 

While I was on vacation I wasn't thinking about my ex because I was surrounded by girls and friends partying and talking all the time. Now reality kicks in and I'm down again. Ugh I know she probably likes someone else now and probably has a new boyfriend or at least something remotely serious... and me.. I'm still struggling to cope. Thinking about her! Thinking about the kisses, the hugs, the love we used to make, cuddling together watching movies, going on dates, falling in love all over again and now nothing... Brain is fighting over accepting the fact she'll never come back and that she may but that's idiotic. She will never! come back why even when I tell myself this brain still fights back. This hopelessness is driving me insane.

 

My mother saw me yesterday and said "I don't like you like that. Something is troubling you. You no longer smile, you feel depressed. Don't make it a permanent feeling". How can I not? I don't see anything possitive coming my way...

[freebird31]

I was reading some old diary entries. And one was from a few months ago. It was noting a memory between my ex and I. He had taken me to this place, a top of the hill, where we both beamed at the city lights below us. I remember he was holding me and we were facing each other. And we kissed. I knew in those moments that we shared such as that one that he cared about me a lot. I also knew that I loved him. And it's these kinds of memories, I noted in my diary, that make me question myself when I say feelings between us were not mutual. Because I could name a few other memories that would prove otherwise. I remember the time he didn't have a job so he couldn't afford to buy me a Christmas gift. A month later, he surprised me with a gift wrapped in birthday paper, he gave this to me. I unwrapped it. It was a book that I had recently been eyeing when we had visited the bookstore earlier that month. It was the one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received. It was the usual heart necklace gift, or u know a perfume, or something generic. It was something meaningful. And he never had to buy me a Christmas gift I never expected him to. He did anyway. I could name a few more. I will stop here. And I will say a few things. I think that he had love for me. I also think that he had love for the girl he dated after me. I will note a difference. While I don't know the relationship that they shared, I can say the love we shared was based on the love we gave another, supporting each other, working together. We didn't share the same exact taste in music, like he claims he shares with the girl he dated after me. I don't understand how that could mean that much to him and consequently call this girl the "one" because of those few common interests. I will also say that love blinds you. So does wanting what you cannot have. It BLINDS you. And I say that because I have been there a few times. Sometimes it's a feeling in my heart. But more often than not, i think it is in the mind. I don't know for sure, but it is easy to become infatuated. And when he mentioned that he knew this girl was the "one" because she shared the same taste in music and had a degree, that isn't love. And that is not what you should base your choice on a life partner. Common interests are good to have, but they're not the most important thing. I don't even know what I am trying to say here. I just feel like this guy was the one I was meant to spend my life with. But it just wouldn't have worked out or we both wouldn't have been happy because neither of us were ready for that. Neither of us were ready for a relationship in the least. But that girl broke up with him, and he says he hopes to find something better. How can someone be so blind ? When the person who loves you was there all along. How come people go and chase the thing that doesn't want them, knowing there is someone who can give them a healthy loving relationship. I don't know. And I am not sure if he will ever realize what he lost with me. Seems like he is more focused on what he lost with that girl. And if he ever does realize what he lost with me, I am not entirely sure I would ever be able to give my heart away again to the person that broke it and left it broken for many years. Then what lesson would that teach the person, if a lesson is necessary at all ? I don't know. These are all insinuations and hypothetical scenarios.