WonderKid Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I made a post in the "Breakup" section about me being over my ex in 3 weeks. And others said that I am just on an "up" now but will have a "down" sometime soon. I believe them. But I'm also strong. Everytime I begin to feel nostalgic about my ex, I end up thinking about the bad things. About the way I felt and how she made me feel. It's only hard to get over because I was in love. I'm just more angry now. Like, that she still moved on like it's all cool after all the things I did to help her. Then the vengeful thoughts come in. I am a scorpio after all. They say scorpios are quite vengeful. She was a sagittarius. I really need to pay attention to those damn zodiac signs. Many are true. I hope her car breaks down. And I hope the next guy she has leaves her. Those are the thoughts I cannot control--but I'll eventually get over it. I'm coping today pretty well. I'm writing more and making moves for my future. Going to get that gym membership and see if I can get back down to 180 from 215. Build muscle to kick more ass. Today I saw a couple downtown and thought: Hey, me and my girl could've done that... But then I thought, nope! We would've had to stay at her place for her niece and nephew or some ****.
freebird31 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 ^^^ I'll tell you what to do. You form your happiness from within FIRST! You need to at least get happy in the city you are in first. Not all the way happy, but you cannot be depressed! THEN you move. Stop measuring up your life to others. I do that a lot. I was 21 with my parents. I rarely have a good job. I'm a starving artist and a writer that isn't on anyone's radar. Not mention, I'm also Autistic. And that **** isn't fun at all. I know how you feel because when my GF left me. All I could think of is abandonment. Even people in my family have their own agendas and paths and I'm just a variable in all of it. Because my sister's life is difficult she's thinking of packing up and leaving down south. But what about me? I always thought if I fell in love, I'd have to make the decision of staying here for the person I loved. Which is no problem. Thanks WonderKid, I really needed to hear that. You are right. Happiness comes from within. That's very wise of you to say. If I would move out of my hometown with this kind of attitude and mentality, I would just be carrying it with me. It's something I have to work on. I'm getting there today I just had a bit of a slip up. But I kept it together and didn't do anything rash today. Like check up on my ex's life. Haven't in 5 weeks now. I think this marks a record. Pathetic I know. At least I now understand and am aware that all of these years I was in large denial and dos it to myself - tortured myself that is. I now understand and accept things. Sometimes every now and then it just aches and I become vulnerable to the pain. Working through the pain and staying in control is what I have been trying to do and for the most part am succeeding. So far. You are also right. I should not measure my life up to others. I am on a completely different path and journey. Sometimes I also think I get decieved by the perception of things. I think those who are more independent might be happier. When in reality that might not even be true. I should not compare. It is very hard not to. Especially as I become older and the pressure to become independent is hard to pass by. Anyway, I am sorry for your struggle. I like your positive attitude though. And that sounds really tough. I would hate feeling like I am not a part of anyone else agenda especially my family's. It is really hard to not feel abandoned. I feel like a strong support system. Even one or two friends is much needed in times like these. When feeling alone or abandoned. I feel like that helps me. When I start to think of how my ex abandoned me and my best friend of 7 years neglected our friendship and eventually grew apart from (in which I start to feel intense feelings of abandonment) I just remember I have a few other friends who I can count on for support if really necessary. I feel like it's an ongoing battle. Most times lately I don't think of it because I am so busy with other distractions. But in the quiet moments, I will feel it. Or even in my unconscious moments like dreams, I will wake up feeling really impacted by such intensity. I just have to remember I am in control. And to not let it control me or my life. As I have let it control my life for the past few years. Everyone has a past. Ok maybe not everyone. There might be a few lucky ones who may have never experienced tragedy or loss. But it's an ongoing battle. To be in control. For me, it wa about learning that it was even possible to be in control. Losing that control and learning to re-gain it back. It's an ongoing learning process. But I am still working on it. I hope I am doing okay. 1
freebird31 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I always wonder do these people ever stop and say damn what did I do? Is there any self awareness? How do you look at the person you're with in the moment without a care knowing you stepped on someone else to get there? I'd feel horrible if I did that. But they don't miss a beat and keep moving. Yes, when the same thing happens to them. 2
heartfeltlove Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 Okay. I have to move on, but I miss him terribly. For all his faults, of which I am aware with eyes wide open, I still love him. You don't live with a dysfunctional person for so long without also seeing the good bits of them. I miss his good bits, which are always there.
Trinity_84 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I have been doing wonderfully. Went to visit my friends out of town recently, which was a breath of fresh air. Going on a trip to a paradise tropical beach at the end of the month and I am super excited. I also got another little sideline freelance job and it's wonderful, creative work. I went out with my friends to a bar, eventually got hit on by someone. When I came home and went to bed, I cried, I missed my ex (or what he represented: a certain "stability"). The idea of being out there single again, doing the whole meeting new people to see which one "sticks"... I have always dreaded that. So being in a relationship guaranteed I had someone awesome to come back home with. So I cried a little bit. The good thing is that I cried, but I wasn't hysterical or even sad. They were just tears coming out. I let them come out without overanalyzing them or pining. I knew what those tears represented and faced them with srength. It was also a bit reassuring when I had that guy ask for my number (even though I had no interest in him). I thought "there's still hope!" I have also been having more dreams of my ex lately. Although every time the dream becomes "instense" or compromising, I wake myself up. Last night I dreamed I was chatting with him online and asked him if he was seeing anyone. I woke myself up right away thinking "I don't care or need to know." I am making so much progress. Looking into my present life with pride and love and appreciating what I have and who I am. Basically doing all the things I should've done while in my relationship. Better late than never, I suppose! 2
Sunnymae Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 After close to 3 months, I still think of him everyday. I exercise mental discipline every day, and when I feel I've been successful I feel good, even if it's just not shedding a tear. It's going on 3 months, and there hasn't been a day I've not thought of how he so nonchalantly cut me out of his life. I don't care about understanding it anymore, and I'm not angry he strung me along. I'm just focused on exerciseing self discipline. I feel good that I have not contacted him. I feel that I have been successful in maintaining this self discipline. I think about how hard the first week of being dumped was, and I know I've made progress. My heart goes out to the people who are newly experiencing this betrayal and heart break. I tried to recall if maybe I had someday done this to someone, but was unaware of it, I hope not. I swear I will never intentionally lead someone on use them, or cause them emotional pain that my ex has caused me, that I promise myself. 4
WonderKid Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Thanks WonderKid, I really needed to hear that. You are right. Happiness comes from within. That's very wise of you to say. If I would move out of my hometown with this kind of attitude and mentality, I would just be carrying it with me. It's something I have to work on. I'm getting there today I just had a bit of a slip up. But I kept it together and didn't do anything rash today. Like check up on my ex's life. Haven't in 5 weeks now. I think this marks a record. Pathetic I know. At least I now understand and am aware that all of these years I was in large denial and dos it to myself - tortured myself that is. I now understand and accept things. Sometimes every now and then it just aches and I become vulnerable to the pain. Working through the pain and staying in control is what I have been trying to do and for the most part am succeeding. So far. You are also right. I should not measure my life up to others. I am on a completely different path and journey. Sometimes I also think I get decieved by the perception of things. I think those who are more independent might be happier. When in reality that might not even be true. I should not compare. It is very hard not to. Especially as I become older and the pressure to become independent is hard to pass by. Anyway, I am sorry for your struggle. I like your positive attitude though. And that sounds really tough. I would hate feeling like I am not a part of anyone else agenda especially my family's. It is really hard to not feel abandoned. I feel like a strong support system. Even one or two friends is much needed in times like these. When feeling alone or abandoned. I feel like that helps me. When I start to think of how my ex abandoned me and my best friend of 7 years neglected our friendship and eventually grew apart from (in which I start to feel intense feelings of abandonment) I just remember I have a few other friends who I can count on for support if really necessary. I feel like it's an ongoing battle. Most times lately I don't think of it because I am so busy with other distractions. But in the quiet moments, I will feel it. Or even in my unconscious moments like dreams, I will wake up feeling really impacted by such intensity. I just have to remember I am in control. And to not let it control me or my life. As I have let it control my life for the past few years. Everyone has a past. Ok maybe not everyone. There might be a few lucky ones who may have never experienced tragedy or loss. But it's an ongoing battle. To be in control. For me, it wa about learning that it was even possible to be in control. Losing that control and learning to re-gain it back. It's an ongoing learning process. But I am still working on it. I hope I am doing okay. I can say for you and everyone is try your best to live for the present. If you worry about the past too much you get depressed and if you live too much for the future you get anxiety. There has to be a balance. Instead use the past to learn from and live for the present to take care of the future. I couldn't tell you what my family will do. But honestly, I need to focus on what I want to do and what will make me happy; it's nothing wrong with doing that. It may seem self-centered but it's not bad to have that a little bit. It's only natural to end up subconsciously checking on your exes lives. You just have to see. For me, it's whether she has someone new or not. Because if she does, so quickly, then I know that she never really valued our RS truly. And when her next RS doesn't work and she comes back to me, I know the true intentions. But, I also train myself to not care either way. (Confusing, I know) Living for the present gives you that positivity boost as well. Don't worry. All this will work itself out. There's tons of down days you'll feel but there's many tons of great days you'll have. 1
Trinity_84 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I took a nap today and had this very lucid dream where my ex had their hand on my leg. I woke up and felt like they were there. It was the weirdest dream related to my ex that I've had. Then when I realized I was dreaming I felt very sad. It's probably because they recently contacted me about some unfinished business we have (a message I decided to ignore fully and definitely). My mind is clearly playing tricks on me.
juniorrocha Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Today we would've made 2 years of relationship. It's been days since I actually thought about her, sometimes she crosses my mind, but I no longer think of what she's doing, with who, or where she is. It's not that I don't care. But I chose not to know. Thanks NC for that. I'm an illustrator so I decided to illustrate us, in a different way, that only she would understand. I posted it on my FB and she saw it. And she immediatly sent me a message saying she misses me. Last time I ignored. This time I said I miss her too. It wasn't my intention to get her to message me; it was my way of putting my feelings out, and I only shared 'cause I liked the result. The conversation kept going. And she said: "I wish I was there with you. My life's been a mess and I used to feel so secure with you". I love this woman. Yes, she's done very bad things to me, but she's also learned a lot. I'm the kind of person who appreciates that very much. I don't see the bad and carry it along; I like to keep the good side of things and mantain a positive vibe towards life. At the end, she basically said she shouldn't have messaged me, said she still have feelings and apologized for bringing it all up. I felt like opening my heart. I told her how much I love her and how I wished things worked between us, but that I had to respect her decision and carry on with my life, which I have been doing. Some (maybe the most) of you may think that I made a mistake. That's not how I feel. It was frightening at first, but I'm living in such a peace of mind that even though I love her, there's absolutely nothing that comes from her (or anyone) that could hurt me. I'm finally learning to let go. Finally learning to sit back and relax. Finally being able to enjoy the littlest things that life brings to me every single day. I'm loving myself. I've been seeing other women, too. And even when I don't have that much interest, I try to participate in their world for that moment. It's nice to see how many different people exist out there. How some of them can be very attractive but with a boring personality, or not that attractive and simply be amazing. I don't want a relationship now, but this opens my mind. I like how it feels. Right now I feel great that I had the chance to put it all out to her, great to know we don't have hard feelings towards each other, and I hope someday we'll at least get to be good friends. I'll always wish her well. It seems like the best way to live your life is to find peace. That makes all the rest worth the fight. 3
sorano Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 I am finally better from my relapse. seeing my ex's pic on a dating site kind of messed me up but im ok. It was like a quick jab. when she broke up with me, that was an upper cut and I was out. This was a little jab. It hurt, but im ok. Moved on faster. Like I said in other threads, I am officially done with dating. I do not want to go through this again. I just dont. Nobody will love me more than I do myself. I just cant go out with women anymore or date. It sounds crazy I know. But, I feel way better. I feel so much better than my journey and dating is over. I did what I had to do during the healing process. Become a better man, get a new job, new car, new clothes, etc. I did that. Now, I am on auto pilot. There is nothing else to prove or do. I don't have to improve anymore. I finally stop caring. I just dont care anymore. And thats ok. Its my choice. 1
freebird31 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Almost had a weak moment earlier. Saw something that tugged at my heart. And reminded me of the girl that my ex is now dating (may be dating not sure if they're still together.) it really made me lose it. And I so badly wanted to look up his social media. But I just tried to keep it together and didn't. I feel pathetic that this incident occurred. It's because in the past I look at his new gfs social media account up. And I shouldn't have ever done that. Now it has its consequences. I shouldn't. It's been 6 weeks since I've looked him up. Been maybe 3 months since he reached out to me to apologize. Sometimes I get these weak moments. I just lately have been thinking about what it would have been like to marry someone. To be honest I would have married my ex and saw a life with him. In an instant. I can't believe I'm still on this. So pathetic. I sound crazy. And I know maybe it's just because I rarely get out. And I haven't met anyone new. Haven't dated anyone in years. Haven't gotten serious with anyone after my ex. I just have to get out more. Idk. Just so exhausted lately.
NIGHT1985 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Had an amazing night with friends, grilled, watched a movie, and played some games, then came home and cuddled up with a girl I've been talking to. Everything was going great. Then I took the girl to breakfast and the fear that has been haunting me came back. I'm terrified when driving that I'm gonna see my ex, everywhere I go.. Then through out breakfast I kept imagining her and her new guy showing up.. I've never experienced anything like this with an ex, the scars are so painful and traumatizing
justine1 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Today it's been three days since he broke up with me. It's the worst days since. I'm really having a hard time, I've been crying all day..I really don't know what to do with myself. I still hope he will reach out to me, saying he's sorry and he made a mistake. But I know he won't..I don't understand how could he break up with me saying he loves me but he has to do it..I just want to talk to him, I want him back..one of our mutual friends just told me that I should write him a letter saying how much I miss him and how much I love him, write down my feelings for him..so he knows how much I care about him..maybe he thinks I don't because the last months were awful and I admit it was my fault because I was distant but I love him so much it hurts. I don't know if it would change things for him. I really don't know what to do. I know about the NC rule. But it's hard to stop texting someone who you've been talking to every day for the last 4.5 years. 2
WonderKid Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 So far I'm doing a bit alright. With me having autism, I'm prone to these depressive meltdowns. It just happens. Out of nowhere. For days I can be absolute positive. But all it takes is one moment and one day. I usually get over it. Just like I've stated before--it's because I am living in the past is when I get depressed. I'm over my breakup but the debris of shrapnel still remains: Does she think about me, still, hasn't she gotten a new BF yet, what did she say about me? All those questions pop up consecutively. And the more and more I don't hear from her just makes me think she never really loved or really cared for me. So what I told you to leave me alone or deleted you from FB; you still could've reached out somehow. But that's just how life is man. Right now I'm gonna channel all my energy to my creative side and work on my writing and get this new gym membership going. For the first time I truly don't like the way my body is looking--I mean I cannot even deny it. Lol
sooshi Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I'm having a hard time tonight. I have spoken to or heard from my ex-fiance since late May. Most days, I accept it. We're not compatible. He wants to date multiple women. Have no relationship title. Have no partners. Maybe have children with multiple women. Right now, it hurts. It feels like it was all just a dream.
juniorrocha Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I thought it didn't hurt me. But it did. I broke NC by replying her texts and now she's back in my mind again. Daily. I can't stop thinking of her. Just yesterday I went to a party and made out with 4 different girls, 2 of them are absolutely gorgeous. It was all meaningless, yet it's always great to feel good looking. Hell, there was even a gay guy hitting on me. hahaha Still I don't understand why do I keep wishing her back. She wasn't that good, but I wanted to stay even with all the bad sides. At the end, I guess I did (do) love her very much. I miss her like crazy, but I keep it to myself. I wonder if she does, too.
WonderKid Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I'm having a hard time tonight. I have spoken to or heard from my ex-fiance since late May. Most days, I accept it. We're not compatible. He wants to date multiple women. Have no relationship title. Have no partners. Maybe have children with multiple women. Right now, it hurts. It feels like it was all just a dream. These types of people usually come back. It doesn't end well for them. When they get like 30, 35, 40. They start to want to ditch the bachelor scene. But it's good you don't stick around. Because then you'll just be a FWB. But he'll be getting more benefits because you'll be a friend while doing GF stuff. And that's not right. I thought it didn't hurt me. But it did. I broke NC by replying her texts and now she's back in my mind again. Daily. I can't stop thinking of her. Just yesterday I went to a party and made out with 4 different girls, 2 of them are absolutely gorgeous. It was all meaningless, yet it's always great to feel good looking. Hell, there was even a gay guy hitting on me. hahaha Still I don't understand why do I keep wishing her back. She wasn't that good, but I wanted to stay even with all the bad sides. At the end, I guess I did (do) love her very much. I miss her like crazy, but I keep it to myself. I wonder if she does, too. Even though you are not recovered I'd keep seeing other women. It can help the process I think.
justine1 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Tonight I realized how much I hurt him. Yesterday when i saw him I told him that now I was the only one to try to make things right, fighting for our relationship. And it was true. Except in the last few months when I was distant he remained the same. Because he was the one to try, he was the one to suffer. I feel awful. I realized now how much of an as***** I was. He tried so hard. And now I really know it was my fault. I ruined the love of my life. I made him the person he is now, unhappy. He was all smiles, always joking and I love that about him. In the last few months he wasn't like that and it was my fault. I feel meaningless right now. I wish I didn't exist.
freebird31 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 wow. I just gotta say, my ex is ONE OF A KIND. lol so, 6 weeks No contact, nothing went by. Well, i caved. Yeah I admit it. I caved. And yesterday I looked up his social media for the first time in 6 weeks. You will never guess what I saw. Im almost kind of laughing at first. Well, he posted a video of himself giving a speech ABOUT THE GIRL HE DATED AFTER ME. literally LOLing at this. He said all of these nice things about her. I am even afraid to post too much about this in detail, because since he is all heartbroken over it, hes prob trolling these forums now for all I know. Anyway, this guy professed his love for this woman he dated after me, who he was with FOR THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME that he was with me. 9 MONTHS. what a coincidence! He said she was beuatiful and wonderful. Geez, I cant even deal with this i dont even know where to start. Point is, the same thing he did to me, happened to him. She broke up with him and broke his heart for whatever reason. He mentioned how it felt like he was dealing with withrdaws as those that a drug addict go through. Went on to say how he couldnt sleep at night, would listen to love songs, and wake up with pain. I was just like ...IS THAT SO? anyway, the only part of the video that realy bothered me, was when he said "this girl was different than any other girl I dated in the past because shed do anything for me." UM EXCUSE ME? HELLO! And WTF was I? Trash? The garbage that you left lying on the street? Wow, so RUDE. I thought it was just so rude becuase i was ALWAYS there for him countless time. God, if i can name all of things I did for him. ANd how i never failed to show how much I cared. well, its apparant he was into this new chick way more than he was with me. But to go, and disregard our relationship and say something like that was really really rude. Especially when he made this video public and knew that I would see. But of course, he probably was only thinking of himself like always. Anyway, this guy is ridicuous. Seriously, this EX is ONE FOR THE BOOKS. Like im LOLing at the ridiculousness of this guy. he deserved to get his heart broken. Thing is, i dont think he learned any lesson at all from this. I just had to vent this. I just cant get over how hilarious it is. how ridiculous it is. 1
freebird31 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 never thought I would ever catch myself saying this, bc I dont really believe in these things...but its crazy real when i say KARMA IS A BITCH. lol seriously. what goes around comes around. And he deserved it. Thats probably exactly why he apologized to me right after the same thing happened to him too. Anyway, I am just trying not be immature about this. But i literally just think its so hilarious. and yes, yes im taking it ALL in. Soaking all of the goodness of how it feels when justice is served. HA. And Thank you for the wonderful video that you shared too! It was truly an honor to be able to hear all of the things that you went through, that I had to go through these past few years. Now you know how it feels. Okay, everyone can move on now (: the world can keep spinning now that I know everything is fair. 1
freebird31 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I will say it made me realize that he never was in love with me. Because from what he says in the relationship with the girl, it sounds like he made a bigger effort to make it work with her. said it a few times throughout the video that he was in love with her and loved her. And he never once said those things to me. quite simply, because he never loved me. And never had those feelings for me. Which is fine. At least he knows what it feels like to be on my end now. When someone you're crazy about doesnt want to be with you. Crazy how the same exact thing that happened to me, happened to him. To me, he was my first love. But for all I know, to him, that girl he was with after me was his real first love. I was just a girl he dated for a short time. Which doesnt make my stomach turn or anything or my throat dry, like it would if I were to hear this when the breakup was fresh. Its all good. Im just glad that things are fair now. alright i can stop thinking about this, now that I know the real truth. Now that things for the first time seems clear. you know? It doesnt hurt anymore to accept that he didnt love me. And that he loved someone else after me, but not me. i feel indifferent at this point in time. Sometimes, we cant help the way we feel and I cant argue with that. We just feel things for certain people, but for others we just dont. Who knows why. Its an interesting complexity the human mind and soul. I am not sure. I just hope to find someone I am completely crazy about, who is just as crazy about me too. How beautiful that would be. I should continue to work on myself in the meantime. Just continue to move forward with my life. I cant be mad that he didnt love me. Because thats something he has no control over. I just wish had a little bit more respect for me. because the comment he made about this girl being different than most girls in his past bcuz shed do anything for him, was upsetting. But whatver its all good. I can sweep this under the rug now. And move on. Hopefully his now new ex doesnt post a video on her page talking about a new ex-lover after him. Lol. like he did with her. Karma is real after all. This is just the beginning for him. Wait unti he sees when she moved on to someone new.
justine1 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I feel so bad. Everyday is worse than the previous one. My parents taught me that when there's something wrong in the relationship you really care about you don't give up. You fix it. I know he was the one trying to fix things in the last 5 months. But it wasn't that bad. He never really talked about the situation with me. I know now how much he suffered and he wasn't happy but now I'm the one trying to fix things because I know I made mistakes. He just doesn't want to give me a chance. I don't understand how can you give up a relationship where you were supposed to get married, have kids. We talked about it like a month ago and he was all happy about it. And now this. I don't want to give up, I know that being the dumpee I should. But I just can't. I love him too much. And he said he loves me too, just needed to change his life. I know that if he gave me the chance I would fix everything. I just needed time.
The_Good_Me Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I'm not coping, I can't believe I'm going through all this hurt all over again. Not only do I still love & miss her, I can't get passed the fact that one day we're paying for a romantic weekend away, she's inviting me to her friends birthdays, she tells me she dreams about me almost every night, loves me and wants to be together, then the next morning its over and I'm told "I don't feel the same way anymore". This happened at the end of a 10 year relationship that ended 5 years ago and now again recently with a girl that only lasted a few months of knowing each other. I just don't understand how a switch can be flipped and its done, they're moving on and I'm left in agony. I know its part of human nature, it just sucks and makes me think there's no point trying again with a relationship. How am I supposed to be happy in a relationship now when on the outside everything seems ok and the next its done? I'll forever be waiting for the axe to fall and that itself will kill the relationship. why go through that again? I've made the decision to keep people at arms length for fear of being destroyed again, yet I am destroyed by knowing I won't get close to anyone again. It's a lose-lose scenario, one that I have to go through for the rest of my life and somehow be ok with that... whats the point?
Bialy Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I woke up today feeling better than I did last night. The day is just getting started here - it's not even 10am yet. I find it really,really helps to talk through my emotions with my mom and aunt. I give them a call to chat in the morning and mid-day. I had a long chat discussion with a buddy of mine about breakups, heartaches, and feeling vulnerable. It did me a lot of good to think about things broadly and in an abstract way.
He1senberg Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Not good. I'm at day 24 and it seems like it dawned on me that this is really over. She doesn't miss me, she is in love and happy. I barely slept tonight, the pain is incredible. It's worse than day 1. Really wish I'd have somebody to talk to about all this stuff. I wish I could write to her and she would understand.
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