How are you coping today?

[NIGHT1985]

I've accepted that it's over, that she's with someone new, when she comes into my head, I quickly tell myself "she's not yours", "she's moved on", and so on. But what I can't escape are these nightmares that keep hitting me in my sleep. I wake up so drained and depressed. I'm glad my number is blocked because I still almost grab my phone to reach out to her. The mind can be so cruel

[sorano]

Today was a very bad day. The alpha me, went beta. why? I don't know. Deep down inside, there is a man that got hurt and is heart broken. Once again, I must regroup and read my journal and my advice once again. I must be fearless and not give in. I must keep pushing.

 

Its going to be ok. whatever it is, it shall pass. Its ok, its ok, its ok....

[sorano]

I've accepted that it's over, that she's with someone new, when she comes into my head, I quickly tell myself "she's not yours", "she's moved on", and so on. But what I can't escape are these nightmares that keep hitting me in my sleep. I wake up so drained and depressed. I'm glad my number is blocked because I still almost grab my phone to reach out to her. The mind can be so cruel

 

Its going to be a long road. There will be bumps and detours. But eventually, that journey will end. The road will also end. It has to. It will be ok.

 

It would be cool if some of us were close. we could meet up and have a group discussion face to face and help each other out.

[freebird31]

Been 4+weeks since I've checked his social media. Been really busy. Had a little bit of some blues the other day. When I was kind of thinking about it. But I got over it. I didn't let this bother me, that I thought about him. First time in a while. I am human. It's not like I will ever completely forget 100%. I'd say a lot of the memories have now faded, being that it's been 3+years since the relationship ended. He seems more of a distant memory now. It still kind of makes my soul ache, when I think about being rejected. But again, this is normal as I am a human being. Making the most of everything. Working hard in school and staying really busy. I can't wait for the day when I am independent financially. And when I can secure a future for myself and my future family. And to accomplish one of my biggest goals in my life. To get into grad school and finish. And become successful. Sometimes I feel like because I am too focused I lose track of my social life. I don't even remember the last time I have done something fun. Lately I am so exhausted. And I have no time. Plus I have a puppy who I need to nurture and take care of regularly. But yeah. Just trying to make the most of everything. I wish I had someone I can relate to. Or sometimes I do wish I had a boyfriend for the moral support. But I've gotten this far alone. I know I don't necessarily need a boyfriend. Sometimes, and I mean it when I say sometimes, I do want one. It would be nice to share some time with someone. The guy I have a crush on is 20. I just don't know if I see it working out with him in the long run. I'm only 24. But I am starting to actually worry about my future in regards to having a family. I just don't have enough time to go out and socialize. And I feel like I'm going to miss my window of opportunity to meet someone. Feel a little bit down thinking about it. I guess I just have to be lucky enough to meet someone who is supportive of my career. But I can barely even find someone at all who I like. I don't know right now. I'm just not going to think about it :|

[freebird31]

I guess it will just always ache a bit. Knowing my first love, who I cherished and adored deeply...left me. And moved on. I don't know if he is still with the girl he was dating after me (2 years after we broke up). And nor do I want to find out. But I guess it just will always kind of ache a little bit. Knowing someone did not want to be with you. And left you. And moved on and is happy with someone new. It's not an uncommon thing to happen. It is something that is very common especially on these forums. I don't really remember a lot of the small details of our relationship because it was so long ago. I don't even think we are the same people from who we were three years ago. I am sure we both have grown a lot or a little, I don't know, each in different ways. But I guess it's just the idea that someone left you and moved on that aches. And it doesn't feel like a broken heart anymore. That feeling is long gone. And I definitely don't obsess over it. As a matter of fact the thought of my ex comes up maybe once ever so often these days. Unless something brings back a memory. It's more of a very dull ache. A little bit of a saddening feeling. Like I said I am human. And this normal. I'll never completely erase the memory of him from my mind it just is not possible to do. You never really forget the people who touched your heart and soul. Kind of just stays with you, even if it's in the very back of your mind or very bottom of your soul. Hiding. Repressed. But yeah. Anyway, I've been doing amazing now that I don't torture myself checking up on his life anymore. I have accepted things. It is just a bit sad. But it is life. It happens all the tie to people everyday. Not uncommon. You just move on. Maybe make new memories with someone new. ...haven't got that far yet. So not sure what comes next.

[NIGHT1985]

Passed my ex on my way to work tonight, and she's most likely heading to her new guys house. I feel like crap... My heart has completely dropped and I feel disgusting and worthless. I'm on full NC but how do I deal with situations like this?

[BelleSkye]

Passed my ex on my way to work tonight, and she's most likely heading to her new guys house. I feel like crap... My heart has completely dropped and I feel disgusting and worthless. I'm on full NC but how do I deal with situations like this?

 

Embrace the moment and make sure that everyday you do something that makes you more desirable for the next person....

Gym, learn a new skill, make a new friend...be humble about everything and throughout it all. Don't inflate the ego for nothing. Just be calm and decent.

[juniorrocha]

Passed my ex on my way to work tonight, and she's most likely heading to her new guys house. I feel like crap... My heart has completely dropped and I feel disgusting and worthless. I'm on full NC but how do I deal with situations like this?

 

It must be hard. But I think the first thing is: try to not imagine what she's up to. She could be going anywhere. Including nowhere.

[CDJ]

I posted an update of how I'm coping in my break-up thread, but realised it would probably be better suited in this thread. Hopefully it will will serve as further evidence that what people say is true - you will eventually, given the right amount of time and support, reach a point of indifference and acceptance!

 

Even months after what happened, every now and again I would check her social media in moments of weakness, but the gaps between those lapses increased each time. The key to me getting better was when I realised my what my main problem had been; that I wasn't accepting that she probably did what she did deliberately, maybe to hurt me or send me a message (which was totally unnecessary in so many ways). I was in complete denial about that. Accepting the likely truth of it all was very much an epiphany.

 

For the last few months I'd been doing really well, although occasionally I would have sad and down moments, and I also carried a lot of anger and frustration (mostly at myself, in feeling that I 'let' her treat me badly and made it easy for her to do what she did). Anyway, I recently went to visit a friend who lives in Barcelona; she'd had her own break-up 6 months ago, and although the circumstances weren't perhaps as dramatic and traumatic as mine, there were some similarities between our situations that helped me to sympathise.

 

One late night after dinner were were one the metro and she was browsing her phone. When we got back to her flat she burst into tears, explaining how she'd given in to temptation and checked his social media, and of course didn't like what she saw. She complained that she was stupid and weak, but I reassured her that she wasn't the first and won't be the last to do something like that (as this forum would testify!). But despite my words she just seemed to get more upset and angry with herself, and so in what I think was partly an effort in solidarity and partly an attempt to make her laugh, I grabbed my phone and went online to check my own exes social media - I wanted to show her that her behaviour was a normal part of the grief she was feeling.

 

And do you know what? I felt nothing. Seeing photos of my ex having moved on with the other guy didn't give me that ache in my heart like it used to. And I realised that this is the 'indifference' that people on this forum often talk about and promise.

 

People told me this would happen and I just didn't believe it; but now, almost a year later, I feel I've turned this corner and am now on the home straight towards indifference. I feel I can even laugh and make jokes about what happened to me.

 

My friend asked if this meant I'd forgiven my ex. No, is the answer. I haven't and I never will. She did a ****ty thing to me and then added to the pain in a cruel and cowardly way. I think forgiveness is an overrated 'virtue'; it lets people get away with doing bad things. I still feel angry and a part of me would like some small dose of revenge - this will go eventually, but I will never forgive. I think think that's fine - it's not necessary for us to forgive someone in order to move on and be happy.

 

So, I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus that sings about how eventually we will all reach a state of indifference towards our exes and our break-ups. YOU WILL COPE! All it takes is time, a bit of self-discipline and sharing with people (even strangers on this forum).

[FTM042014]

After finding out she's engaged I was doing ok until yesterday. Something will make me think of her even small things and I slip into a mini anxiety attack. My mind immediately goes to her doing with him all of the things she once said she saw with me. I feel left behind and replaced and I am having a very hard time. It seems as though I was lied to and possibly used as a rebound or a bridge between relationships. That is a sobering reality check.

[SixxChick]

After finding out she's engaged I was doing ok until yesterday. Something will make me think of her even small things and I slip into a mini anxiety attack. My mind immediately goes to her doing with him all of the things she once said she saw with me. I feel left behind and replaced and I am having a very hard time. It seems as though I was lied to and possibly used as a rebound or a bridge between relationships. That is a sobering reality check.

 

I know exactly what you are saying, and I feel your pain. That's all I've got right now.

[sorano]

I cried for the first time last night in months. I am feeling horrible today.

[sorano]

well, it seems that my progress is at a stand still and went back to day one. I do not know wht happened. The mind is a very complex unit. This time I cannot give the effort I did before to become better.

 

I wave the white flag, I surrender. I give up. I know its going to be ok someday. Not sure when. I have also come to the conclusion that I do not want to date anymore. I am finished with women and the whole dating scene. I do not want to do it anymore. Its over. 7 months ago my ex dumped me. That woman will also be my last.

[SixxChick]

I wave the white flag, I surrender. I give up.

 

I do not want to do it anymore. Its over.

 

I feel the same way. There is nothing left of my heart. I also feel that I have been so emotionally damaged by this last relationship that it wouldn't be fair to put myself out there. So I too surrender. I look forward to the day when this roller coaster ride ends. Because it still has the capacity to make me nauseous.

 

I so desperately want my old self back, but I honestly don't know where she went. And all over a lying pathetic loser who just used me for money.

[asphyxis]

Was starting to feel more my old self the last few days and I feel like it's back to week one. 3 1/2 weeks since the break up, and I'm starting to think of him less. I had a dream about the break up again. Feels like someone just knocked the wind right out of me.

[WonderKid]

How I coped is vowing not to let myself be vulnerable again. If a girl wants my heart she's gonna have to be real worthy. I'm too kind for my own good sometimes. Yes I am gonna have some rough times about my breakup (which was on the 9th) but I will move on. She's moved on. And if she really loved me like she claimed, she would've at least contacted me. But she didn't. Frankly, I don't think she ever even loved me. So I have to question was that even real love? It looked one-sided, felt one-sided.

 

For dating in general I am not. That **** is mentally straining--I lost all capacity for it. I'm just going to focus on myself and my own happiness. My relations with women will all be on a friendship level--whether it is FWB or not. I could care less. I'm not going to try to impress them. Not going to jump through hurdles. Nothing.

 

This will save me the trouble. Seems like every girl I took seriously, found some way to break up with me, if it didn't involve cheating.

If I protect myself like this, I'll know who's real and who's not. When I applied myself like this before I met my ex, I was happy. But as soon as I opened myself up, what happened on the 9th happened.

 

Sure I will get lonely. Guys usually do. It happens. But I'd rather do that than be in a relationship where a girl puts your heart in a box and tosses it in the back of her closet.

Do I hate women or dislike them? Of course not. That's silly! But I will NOT be hurt like that again. No way!

[FTM042014]

How I coped is vowing not to let myself be vulnerable again. If a girl wants my heart she's gonna have to be real worthy. I'm too kind for my own good sometimes. Yes I am gonna have some rough times about my breakup (which was on the 9th) but I will move on. She's moved on. And if she really loved me like she claimed, she would've at least contacted me. But she didn't. Frankly, I don't think she ever even loved me. So I have to question was that even real love? It looked one-sided, felt one-sided.

 

For dating in general I am not. That **** is mentally straining--I lost all capacity for it. I'm just going to focus on myself and my own happiness. My relations with women will all be on a friendship level--whether it is FWB or not. I could care less. I'm not going to try to impress them. Not going to jump through hurdles. Nothing.

 

This will save me the trouble. Seems like every girl I took seriously, found some way to break up with me, if it didn't involve cheating.

If I protect myself like this, I'll know who's real and who's not. When I applied myself like this before I met my ex, I was happy. But as soon as I opened myself up, what happened on the 9th happened.

 

Sure I will get lonely. Guys usually do. It happens. But I'd rather do that than be in a relationship where a girl puts your heart in a box and tosses it in the back of her closet.

Do I hate women or dislike them? Of course not. That's silly! But I will NOT be hurt like that again. No way!

 

Well said. I too will sit on the sidelines. Some people just know how to get into a relationship and make it stick. I am not one of those people I suppose. I got dumped with no warning, she's now engaged and I'm left hurting. No more. Never again. I'm a shell of myself. I'd rather be single knowing I treat the women in my life well than in a relationship knowing I hurt someone to get there.

[WonderKid]

I feel the same way. I know we all make mistakes. And we all were young. But to just play with someone's heart. To discard them like that. It must take some real false qualities to do so. Especially breaking up without a warning. I'm just weary now. That was it for me.

[FTM042014]

I feel the same way. I know we all make mistakes. And we all were young. But to just play with someone's heart. To discard them like that. It must take some real false qualities to do so. Especially breaking up without a warning. I'm just weary now. That was it for me.

I always wonder do these people ever stop and say damn what did I do? Is there any self awareness? How do you look at the person you're with in the moment without a care knowing you stepped on someone else to get there? I'd feel horrible if I did that. But they don't miss a beat and keep moving.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Hey you lovable people you! Thanks for helping me out so!

 

Posting an update on my part.. I felt so happy today out of a sudden! I felt grateful for everything I have and I no longer think about the breakup or my ex. Sometimes the thoughts come back but they linger for a couple of minutes and I'm not feeling anything anymore. I feel empty of negative emotions.

 

Seriously I feel FREE! I'm living a healthy life now, going to the gym almost everyday of the week, drinking only pure water (no coke, no pepsi nothing), apples, fruits in general and lots of meat I feel I'm bursting with life and I am now thinking positive regarding the future! I'm sure something amazing is waiting for me so all that is left is to walk the path and find it!

 

Just for anyone still experiencing negativity over an ex and a breakup I hope I don't sound lame but this song helped me out and everytime I heared it I felt so much better! Just go

. It's Blue - Don't treat me like a fool, old as time but gold for me.

 

'Till next time guys and keep your chin up!

[WonderKid]

I always wonder do these people ever stop and say damn what did I do? Is there any self awareness? How do you look at the person you're with in the moment without a care knowing you stepped on someone else to get there? I'd feel horrible if I did that. But they don't miss a beat and keep moving.

 

Actually this goes back to me questioning if my ex ever loved me. It'll sound selfish of me to say it; but yes, I am the one who told her to just leave me alone. I was mad at the time. But, if you truly love a person you would eventually say, nuh uh, I'm gonna shoot a text or something. But I just made it easier I suppose. Almost 3 weeks later and it's nothing. She's all content.

 

Now I really don't know if she has a new guy. My mom and her works at the same job. And then my mom (just being who she naturally is) had to show me the guy that's up around her statuses on FB. I cared less. Because if it's one thing I know is that she'll contact me back at some point. Every ex always had except for my first official GF at 19.

 

I don't get how people can sit and live with themselves after gradually deceiving people either. Especially when the person done them no wrong.

[WonderKid]

Hey you lovable people you! Thanks for helping me out so!

 

Posting an update on my part.. I felt so happy today out of a sudden! I felt grateful for everything I have and I no longer think about the breakup or my ex. Sometimes the thoughts come back but they linger for a couple of minutes and I'm not feeling anything anymore. I feel empty of negative emotions.

 

Seriously I feel FREE! I'm living a healthy life now, going to the gym almost everyday of the week, drinking only pure water (no coke, no pepsi nothing), apples, fruits in general and lots of meat I feel I'm bursting with life and I am now thinking positive regarding the future! I'm sure something amazing is waiting for me so all that is left is to walk the path and find it!

 

Just for anyone still experiencing negativity over an ex and a breakup I hope I don't sound lame but this song helped me out and everytime I heared it I felt so much better! Just go

. It's Blue - Don't treat me like a fool, old as time but gold for me.

 

'Till next time guys and keep your chin up!

 

Around when next month comes I am immediately getting my YMCA membership back. Gonna hit the gym harder than ever with no excuses. I'm also gonna try to do the workouts earlier. Like try to wake up around 6 or 7am.

 

I just need something to push me forward and I think working out will help a lot.

[keiji]

I don't get how people can sit and live with themselves after gradually deceiving people either. Especially when the person done them no wrong.

 

I do: it's called self-deceit. They turn you into the bad one, regardless of what they've done, and carry on with their lives with no regrets whatsoever.

 

I've experienced this recently. Six months ago I rekindled with an ex-girlfriend I hadn't spoken to in two years. We had the most toxic relationship ever and I couldn't take it anymore. After those two years of healing and detoxing, we had (apparently) managed to form a great friendship again. We went on holidays together, attended concerts, exhibitions, we went out to dinner, etc, etc. It was great. Two weeks ago, I was drinking coffee in a bar terrace I go to almost daily. Suddenly and old fling of mine goes in to buy some cigarettes. We chat for two minutes and she leaves. We're friends too, so why shouldn't we? Five minutes later I get a whatsapp message from my ex-girlfriend saying: "Are you at the XXX bar?". I say, "yes, are you in the area?" and she replies: "I passed by and saw your motorcycle parked outside. Well, I saw your motorcycle and [old fling's name] going in too". I say, "So?". She answers: "I don't wanna speak now". I couldn't believe she was still so full of rage and jealousy.

 

Fast forward a week. We bump into each other and she acts perfectly cool (she's quite drunk too). I tell her it's not fair to get mad at me for nothing, causing me a big distress, and then pretend nothing's happened. A day later she sends an email full of insults and berating. My favorite part is: "I love you, but you're the biggest jerk I've ever met". Why? Not a clue. I stopped reading and deleted the message.

 

But there you go. Some people will always find a way to blame you for their own mistakes and justify themselves. I've learnt to not make much of it. It's their problem, not mine.

[freebird31]

I had a dream about my past friendships and old friends from high school. And I woke up feeling sad. And then it made me think about my old self. My old life. My ex too. And then my thoughts started shifting to my ex. And our past relationship. All the good times. And why it didn't work out. Even thought about some of the times when we argued. I know he was my first love. I know they say it rarely works out or lasts with your first love. It just made me think of his apology. And what he said to me. "I'm sorry for how I treated you. You were too good of a person to be treated that way" and then said "hope you're doing great in school" . It's the past it's the past it's the past I keep trying to tell myself. But I just don't know. He moved away. I'm still here in this hometown where I grew up in. I want to move out of this city one day. Even though I would miss my family. I hate being left with all of these memories here of us of my past. My old friendships and my first love. Maybe I don't want to remember anymore. I hate feeling like I was abandoned. Like he just moved on and never looked back and forgot about me. And moved on to someone new. And I was left behind. It hurts still. I want new memories. A new love. New surroundings. I hate this city. I hate it here. I hate being left at the same place I was 4 years ago. I hate that I am not fully independent yet and I can't be because of school. Almost almost. I need to get out of here. I hate this feeling of abandonment. I hate this feeling. I'm embarrassed that I still have the same job I did when we were together. I'm embarrassed that I still live with my parents. I'm 24. But I still have a few more years left in school. Once I graduate, that's my ticket into financial independence. I just hate it here. I'm considering going away for grad school. I need to. Even though it might be harder financially. I don't know what to do.

[WonderKid]

^^^ I'll tell you what to do. You form your happiness from within FIRST! You need to at least get happy in the city you are in first. Not all the way happy, but you cannot be depressed! THEN you move. Stop measuring up your life to others. I do that a lot.

I was 21 with my parents.

I rarely have a good job. I'm a starving artist and a writer that isn't on anyone's radar. Not mention, I'm also Autistic. And that **** isn't fun at all.

 

I know how you feel because when my GF left me. All I could think of is abandonment. Even people in my family have their own agendas and paths and I'm just a variable in all of it. Because my sister's life is difficult she's thinking of packing up and leaving down south. But what about me? I always thought if I fell in love, I'd have to make the decision of staying here for the person I loved. Which is no problem.