Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 OFF TOPIC: I wasn't able to open the forum in a couple of days for some reason.. thought Loveshack is gone for good. I had a few moments when I felt sad and wanted to vent here but I couldn't. Glad you guys are back ON TOPIC: Yesterday I was in a restaurant with a friend and his gf. We are close and we did go out once when I was with my ex all 4 together. Now 3... His gf constantly asked me questions about my ex - if I cheated on her, if I miss her, what if she calls etc. I even asked her if she was some kind of an agent for my ex sniffing for some info but she said no. I trust her because she's my mate gf. Still a part of me hopes for a call... not sure if I need it though...
NIGHT1985 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Had a wonderful past 4 days. I've been going on dates with 2 women and it's been excellent. But as I was leaving my subdivision today I noticed across the street, in an apartment complex parking lot, her car.... Her new lover lives literally a minute from me.. It sent so many feelings through me and feels like I'm cut open all over again.....
freebird31 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I just needed to vent this. I met someone. ! But there's a catch. Of course. He is way younger than me :/ we met at work!! We just suddenly started speaking. And he started asking me about myself! This was my first encounter in years. The last one was 2 years ago. There was an initial attraction. BUT he's 20. And I'm 24 But I'm not going to let it ruin it. We were flirting a lot. And he was asking me about all the different places I've eaten at. It was just a really cute experience. My first experience in years where sparks were flying at the end of my shift I had to go home and he was busy helping someone else. But I'm hoping to see him again soon. I can't stop thinking about it. I can so visibly see he was interested in me. He kept coming to my section. And then he would ask me another question. And then he giggled at one of my lame jokes haha. He has a cute laugh! Wow I can't believe it has been this long since I've had an encounter like this. Too bad he's 20. But I'm not going to let the age thing phase me. He might be more mature for his age.
freebird31 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 So what happened was this customer came up to us. She asked "do you guys work here?" And he said "yeah I do." And then he was like "wait, we both do I mean." And we both started giggling. And that's how it started haha:) it was so cute. I worked with him before but we never really talked to one another. After that, he started asking me a lot of questions about myself. Where I go to school. And what places I like to eat. It was just so cute and so innocent haha. So easy. It kind of reminded me a little of my younger self. When I had those encounters with boys when I was a kid who I crushed on. He is 4 years younger than me. Sigh. Idk. It was really cute. Even if nothing sprouts from this it is really nice to know I can feel sparks again with someone. I really keep re-playing it over in my mind. I feel so giddy inside. I can't even remember the last time I felt this way. It's been so long many years. 2
bummer Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Welp... met old old ex to see what still remained. Watched her play games with two thirsty bros all night and recalled EVERYTHING about why it ended. Quaint. It's good to move on and get lost in the future. Not the past. Definite step back for me but a step forward none the less to see how far I must go. It's going to be an interesting year...
bummer Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Welp... met old old ex to see what still remained. Watched her play games with two thirsty bros all night and recalled EVERYTHING about why it ended. Quaint. It's good to move on and get lost in the future. Not the past. Definite step back for me but a step forward none the less to see how far I must go. It's going to be an interesting year... 5
freebird31 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It has been 3 weeks since I have checked up on his life. And I don't care to. Sometimes I get bored and curious. But then it passes. And I'm over it again. It feels really good. He is more of a faded memory now which is fine. It's been years. It's crazy has fast time has flew by. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm fine. I feel fine. 1
abcnine Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Been 22 days since I finally started NC. Did my best to reconcile (like every possible angel I could think of including accepting any mistakes I might have made, constructively pointing out each others mistakes, expressing my love, anger, pleading her keep this all aside), but she is strong on her words. I finally stopped, since I started finding it wrong. When I met her for one last time few months ago, I still remember her saying "One of us has to stay strong. We're better away from each other". I honestly don't feel i've made much progress. But heck, some progress is still good. It's difficult when you have no one around to spend some time with. I'm considering going travelling alone. That looks like a right step now. 1
juniorrocha Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Almost a month since the break up. 2 months since the initial break up. I'm working out a lot, I'm looking better than ever, everything else in my life seems to be going fine, I have lots of plans for this year, in 5 days I'll be travelling for almost a month, visiting a few cities, family, best friends and all that. I'm very excited about this part of my life. And it seems like it's all perfect, except it's not. Last night I went out to a club with a friend, then went to this place where lots of people hang out. There were so many girls out there, so many very attractive too; in fact a lot prettier than my ex. They keep glancing over me, there was even this one who tried to get to know me. But I just don't feel like it. Every single girl I look, every place I look, I can only see my ex. I keep wishing everything worked between us. God, I miss her like crazy. Even with all of her faults, it's being hard to accept it's over. I miss every single tiny detail. I mean, it's not like I'll trash away my life. I'll keep on trying to get over. I'll continue living and forcing myself out of this situation and improving the other aspects so I don't get lost. But this is hard. It's hard to see couples having such a great time, just like we use to. It's hard to see that we once thought nothing would stop us, that we would go through everything... back when everything seemed like forever. In a world full of people, with so many of them being attractive, with great personalities, so many possibilities, so many chances I could take. But who cares if they are not the one that I love? Who cares about casual sex or kissing random girls at parties if at the end of the day I'll end up in my bed alone anyway? I'm sure in time things will change. Just gotta hold on and keep it going. I've been through a heartbreak before, I've been through really tough things, and I made it. This time it will be no different. Patience. 3
sorano Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I am at the stage where I find it boring and exhausting talking about my ex. That is a good sign. When you get bored and annoyed you are tha closer to full recovery. I'm talking to this one girl now. She seems pretty cool. Very down to earth and we have a lot in common. When I send her pics of me and my nephew or plan a date, I still feel I am sending it to my ex. Now this is the first time I have been serious in dating and trying to get out. But I'm still not comfortable. So what does this mean. Well, it's another stepping stone that I must cross and work on. Step by step. 2
keiji Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I barely think about my ex lately. I'd swear I'm over this at last. I prefer to be cautious but all the signs of having healed (almost) completely are there. It may have something to do with the fact that I met a girl and I'm interested. Not love at first sight or anything, but she's different in a good sense. We'll see. 5
TooRational Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 10 days of NC now, 39 days post breakup. I'm getting better but I still think of her every day. I'm trying to convince myself that given all the incompatibilities we had, there's no way that this relationship could have worked. The biggest problem was that we didn't give the same priority to our relationship. I loved her way too much and our relationship was unbalanced. The other main problem is that she didn't like to talk about our issues. She found that "complicated" while she wished a simple relationship. That was a dead-end as communication is key. Still not ready to get back in the game. I need to take a break to sort myself out and I'm super busy at the moment, having full custody of the kids anyhow (ex-wife is suicidal). I'm currently reading "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" and next is "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love". This is helping. I'm hopeful for the fall and winter. 1
JoeSimone68 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Harder then I thought. Wife left me. Saw it coming. Wasn't a great husband, admit it. Married life was tough but I did love her. Since she told me she was done I've dated, slept around a bit. Exciting first now just lonely. Had a date with a totally smoking' hot younger woman and couldn't even get it up. Think i'm missing the familiar. Didn't think it was hurt because I was angry. Now i hurt.
Chuff Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 6 weeks of NC and I saw my ex yesterday. Broke down on the side of the ride fixing a flat tire, and he's the one who stopped to offer help. Actually, he was the passenger and had told his buddy to turn around the car and stop. I thanked him and said I had it under control, which I did. We smiled at each other - darn him for looking so cute...but at least I looked good too in my tank top. I've worked so hard on "doing me" and re-building my self esteem and now I feel like I'm back at square one again...thinking about him, missing my fantasy of who I thought he was and his potential. I'm worth more. I AM a woman of value. I deserve better. He's the one who didn't want to be with me. At least I kept my dignity, told him I hoped he found what he was looking for, and went total NC. 6 weeks ago. Blocked him on fb too. I'm not unblocking him either. 4
Traceycprc Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 It's taken a while to get back on track since my ex turned up at my work, after NC he wanted to know I was OK. Since I told him not to contact me again he hasn't. It really put me back, but I'm beginning to accept again it's over and to concentrate on me. Still running, training my lab puppy, going to great places for hikes at the weekend and just giving myself some TLC. When I'm ready that one guy is out there waiting for me. I do believe I will love again when I'm ready. Until then enjoying my life, and going through not looking for short cuts 1
bummer Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Complained to my buddy by phone today about my ex, my old ex, how depressing it all is, and how I feel alone. A pity party of one. A few hours later he texts me that a childhood friend of his I knew of but didn't meet personally, had shot himself to commit suicide. Really put my "depression" into perspective. My heart hurts for his family. I need to be stronger for everyone's sake. 1
keiji Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 There's hope, guys. Deep down I knew this from the very beginning, but when you're a wreck of a person as I was exactly six months ago it's hard to see things in perspective and harbor even a tiny grain of optimism. I'm proud of myself on many levels. I started therapy as soon as I found myself lying on the couch just looking at the ceiling, doing nothing but thinking about her and how miserable I felt. It's taken a lot of work and effort, but I feel like I've regained my old self, not the person I was before I met my latest girlfriend, but the youthful, enthusiastic guy I was 14 years ago when I met my ex-wife. I feel more mature and calm. I feel happy. I think I don't care about my ex-girlfriend anymore. It's not a rational thing; I knew for a fact that it would have never worked, but it still hurt. Now it doesn't. I don't know what she's up to. All I know is she has someone else and I couldn't care less. I've got a good life, and I had to remind myself about it many, many times during these painful months. You need to cling to the positives. I'm sure there are many in your lives. If six months ago someone had told me, Keiji, this summer you'll meet an American Apparel ex-model, a really intelligent and nice girl who'll fancy you straight away, I would have laughed or simply shrugged it off. And then it happened. It may not go anywhere, but it's a sign that I'm in a different state of mind and heart. Whatever happens, don't ever contact your exes. Be your one and only love for a while and good things will come your way. Hang in there! 3
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Noticed a change these last few days. She is in the back corner of my mind and thought of her creeps in sometimes but this time I don't feel... I feel empty of guilt, sadness and anger. I find myself pushing myself to recall some stuff that we did yet my mind is not getting these images on its own. This means that I am nearly at the finish line. I know that if I see her that may change but I see how I get easily distracted in something else now and I am not thinking that much about it. Huge huge progress these days and it came so out of the blue... it's not even something I did I just woke up like that. Will see in a few days when I test that newly acquired "power" of mine haha 2
asphyxis Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 14 days after break up and 6 days after NC. 1 month since I've physically have seen him last. My relationship was long distance. My appetite is slowly returning, and I'm able to keep very light foods down without any trouble now. (fruits, veggies, cheese) I do however get nauseous a lot still, but I'm not longer vomiting. I'm constantly exhausted ALL the time though, doesn't matter how much sleep I'm getting. I've actually have gotten more sleep the past 7 days than I have in a long time. I've been diligent about taking my sleep and anxiety meds, but still am feeling physically exhausted. I've also noticed that the past 3 days, I'm beginning to feel emotionally numb. I'm still feeling gloomy, and I'm still very emotional throughout the day. I haven't woken up with nightmares, but I still wake up with my heart racing. Since Friday, I have dived deep into myself, and I've been reading also tons of information on Gottman's four horsemen. It's opened up my eyes to my past trauma, and what I've carried with me. It's also opened up and exposed issues with my last relationship, especially when we fought and most of the fights had become toxic and unresolved. Also, stumbling upon this forum and spending hours reading various posts, has given me comfort knowing that I'm not the only one struggling. This break up has knocked the wind out of my sails, and I'm not sure why. Past break ups were never this difficult, but he was special to me. I never got closure, but analyzing the relationship from afar has helped me tap and tune into myself, and see things from a different perspective that I wasn't seeing before. I hate that we had to split, but this break up has put me on the right path to a better me. 1
Traceycprc Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 My heart is really messing with me today, really missing him. I'm just trying to ride the wave until it goes. Funny some days good, majority bad, but the balance will tip in my favour one day!
NIGHT1985 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Today is my birthday, and all I really want is her to send me a text/phone call to acknowledge it, but I know it won't happen. 4
keiji Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Today is my birthday, and all I really want is her to send me a text/phone call to acknowledge it, but I know it won't happen. First of all, happy birthday! You're better off without that message, and I talk from experience. Three months after the breakup, she sent a happy birthday message and it triggered a terrible outburst of emotions that I didn't think were there. That's when I broke NC and discovered things I didn't want to know. Enjoy the day as much as you can considering the circumstances, but be strong if she sends a message (or doesn't). This is all about YOU. 1
freebird31 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I think it has almost been 4 weeks since I've looked up my ex. Or checked his social media account. Every time I get the slightest bit bored and curious, I just remind myself not to do it. And I've been feeling amazing! He's blocked in my Facebook account. So I no longer get notices from what's going on in his life through our mutual friends. This time I feel really good. I feel like I'm in a state of peace. My mind is at peace when I have no idea what's going on in his life. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I've been feeling GREAT. Not to mention I have a crush on someone! A friendly crush of course. But idk I just feel really good about everything. I'm keeping busy. Actually I am really busy to the point of exhaustion so that has also been distracting me from my old habits when I would overthink. Last year when I had an immense amount of of free time, I would torture myself by thinking about the past. But now I'm staying productive. So far I have noticed that self-control, productivity, and the absolute non-existence of an ex is seriously the best thing for myself. I don't need any more reminders of the past. It was a REALLY long time ago. And although sometimes it doesn't feel like that long ago, it really was. Three years is a long time. And I'm definitely not the same person who I was three years ago. I'm glad. I'm more confident and I just overall know myself better and am comfortable with being alone. Things are going well. 6
Sunnymae Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 You're not the first thing I think of anymore. I'm still mad at myself for having feelings for someone who can give two ****s about me. When I'm busy I don't think about him. The times I do is basically when I wake up, when I'm driving or when I'm bored, otherwise I don't think about him. The anxiety isn't as intense, no more lump in my throat. I just have to remind myself how pitiful it is that I would even want someone like you. When your POF women don't work out don't come around please, b/c I'm not strong enough yet to say no. 3
sorano Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 usually not a fan of dating sites but I joined one. Figured its another tool I can use. Browsing today, I see my ex. she made a profile. I did a double take and at first I was like wow. Look who it is. The beast, the false hope, the slob, the lying sac of ****. Good luck on the dating site. I will pray for the next man in line. He is going to be in one big shock of his life. Huge surprise. Maybe she will marry, maybe she wont. It is no longer my concern. She is gone and out of my life. I cannot think about this anymore. I WILL continue to STAY on the site. I will not even block the profile. what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. You will not bring me down. You will not defeat me. You will never make me feel low, sad, depressed and worthless EVER again. For I, have become, a better man. You can no longer tell me what to do, what to wear, or nag and cry about your stupid little issues. Thinking the whole world revolves around you. No. I no longer have to listen to your LIES. No longer have to believe in your false hopes. I DESERVE BETTER. And looking back, trying to find someone better who WILL treat me better, will NOT be that hard. On to the next one...... As baz luhrmann said in the sunscreen song, DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ON JEALOUSY. DO NOT PUT UP WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE WRECKLESS WITH YOUR HEART. In conclusion, I am going to have a nice day today even though I saw my ex's new pic on a dating site. I can't control who signs up on these things. I saw it, oh well. It is what it is. My parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. so go ahead fellas, you can have her. The gum that is stuck on the bottom of my shoe is worth more than you JM. yes I sound heartless and mean with all the name calling and insults! That is because YOU JM, ruined my life. You ruined a once humble and peaceful, lovable man. But now that man is coming back. The heart is being healed and will come back 10 times better. JM? do me a favor, GO EAT A ....:lmao::cool: Thank you...................and have a nice day ( salute ) 2
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