How are you coping today?

[peonyrose]

Here's a passage from another post that might help with coping:

 

The first week has been awful, I felt so confused, and hurt. I felt I needed help so I bought a book " He's just Not Into You" which helped me out, along with Writing about my feeling everyday. I even dreamed about him. I thought about that day a lot and I felt so angry!! Like I I thought about maybe forgetting what he did to me, It's like the anger is helping me get through this. I always thought anger was bad. But in this case it keeps me strong. So A Week and 4 days have gone by and I'm adhering to the NC rule.

 

Hi sunnymae, I know exactly how you feel. My moments of anger make me feel alive. Its the this couldn't be happening feeling I hate and fear all at the same time. I am on the lowest day today I am physically sick, my head hurts from thinking. 14 days since I saw him or texted or anything because he blocked me. I need answers, answers I'll never get.

[toastytiger]

Cried for the first time in a few weeks. Saw a picture of my ex holding the woman he left me for at a weekend trip that we almost went to together. Saw it just on my feed, wasn't even trying to look for it. My heart just sank. How can he move on so fast?

[offwithhishead]

Cried for the first time in a few weeks. Saw a picture of my ex holding the woman he left me for at a weekend trip that we almost went to together. Saw it just on my feed, wasn't even trying to look for it. My heart just sank. How can he move on so fast?

 

You really need to stop all forms of contact to spare yourself this suffering including all social media. I'm fortunate in that my ex didn't use any social media and we live in different parts of the city so there's very little chance of running into each other.

 

Unfortunately, people move on. He's moving on as well and it's just that he found someone sooner than you did. It doesn't mean what you guys had was any less special. Every person is unique. He's not going to have the same experiences with the new woman as he did with you.

 

I know that's not very comforting given the situation. It would totally kill me to see my ex with her new boyfriend as well but I truly believe one day, we will wake up and it will just be a dull ache and just a memory.

[toastytiger]

You really need to stop all forms of contact to spare yourself this suffering including all social media. I'm fortunate in that my ex didn't use any social media and we live in different parts of the city so there's very little chance of running into each other.

 

Unfortunately, people move on. He's moving on as well and it's just that he found someone sooner than you did. It doesn't mean what you guys had was any less special. Every person is unique. He's not going to have the same experiences with the new woman as he did with you.

 

I know that's not very comforting given the situation. It would totally kill me to see my ex with her new boyfriend as well but I truly believe one day, we will wake up and it will just be a dull ache and just a memory.

 

Thanks for responding to my posts offwithhishead... I feel silly for regressing after making so much progress. However, after crying for only a few minutes, I bounced back really quickly -- so not all profess is lost! It's hard because this isn't just someone he found after me, this is the person he left me for. Anyway, it's just my jealousy getting the best of me. He's not even in fb, it's just so unfortunately happened that someone at the event they were at posted pictures and tagged other friends of mine. The Internet is a crazy thing. Maybe I'll just avoid social media all together.

 

I'm glad you are sounding optimistic. You sound like a smart person capable of seeing the big picture. Hope you are well in your situation and have moved past feeling regret.

[sorano]

I am feeling great today. I can finally say that I am 95% back to normal. It took time but I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my chest. I am so glad that she dumped me. For I know, that, if I had to live with that beast forever, I would end up being sick. I know now that we are not compatible. so happy.

 

Time to go on dates now. I feel ready. Gin and tonic tomorrow night at the bar with a nice cigar.

[offwithhishead]

Yesterday was pretty good. Today is not. I don't know why there's a relapse. Physical activity seems to be the only thing that makes a difference. I went to the gym yesterday which made things more bearable. I'm gonna go for a walk outside soon. I hope that clears the head a little bit.

 

I know we don't work well together and we're just not compatible but that doesn't mean there weren't good times and intimate moments. Those good things are magnified in my head now and I can barely recall the bad times. Maybe one day I'll be able to see it more objectively but right now, it's like my memory has been tampered with or distorted.

[Sunnymae]

Toastytiger- My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hurtful that must of been. That's my biggest fear as well seeing my ex. On Social media with a new person.

[Sunnymae]

After 5 weeks the pain is becoming less intense. Still feel the urge to text him. But I just have to remind myself of the last time I texted him, and how awful that was. I guess it helps that he blocked me, but occasionally unblockes me to send me text telling me he had a biking accident, and when I said let me call you he blocked me. I'm guessing he just feels so guilty, or is afraid I'll ask questions. I'm forcing Myself to do things. Trying to stay busy, spending time with friends, staying active. It's a struggle, every day. But I know it will get better.

[offwithhishead]

Maybe this is expecting too much of my friends but it's come to the realization just how lonely going through a breakup actually is.

 

Friends will come and lend an ear a few times but after awhile, they get tired of it and just want you to move on. It's the same with family members. They may have more patience with you but they still expect you to just forget about the ex and move on with your life.

 

They don't realize that I am trying to move on and it's a constant struggle. I don't know if I'm healing or not. I'm doing all the right things so far in terms of trying to heal and just doing the best that I can.

 

All that advice out there on the internet about how you should be out socializing/partying and not just stew away at home alone is unrealistic. If someone is socially popular enough to always have a group of people around him/her, then that person probably wouldn't be as heavily impacted by a breakup in the first place because someone like that probably can easily find someone else or at least have more options.

 

The worst pain is the fear you won't find love again and that the ex was the one and only shot and that you'll never find that same connection again with anyone else.

 

Also, even if I did have a lot of social options, I wouldn't be in the mood for it anyways. Making small talk about sports and weather and trying to chat up and charm a girl just seems so beyond me right now. Every girl I talk to will just be compared to the ex anyways and make the ex all the more special in my head because she knew all the quirks in my personality and liked me for it at one time but this girl I'm talking to doesn't even give a damn. Also not interested in socializing with other guys. I don't want to hear about their current relationships or their frustrations at trying to find one. It doesn't make my situation any better.

 

The only way of dealing with this in my situation is being alone and just grieving. Yes I'm still grieving. No idea when it's going to stop. I'm trying to do things to heal. I don't contact the ex in any shape or form. I exercise whenever I can muster up the motivation to do so. I play my guitar and piano. I watch movies/tv shows that inspire me in some way. I drink alchohol to reduce the anxiety. And I try to think positively and find hope.

 

That's all I can do.

[peonyrose]

Maybe this is expecting too much of my friends but it's come to the realization just how lonely going through a breakup actually is.

 

Friends will come and lend an ear a few times but after awhile, they get tired of it and just want you to move on. It's the same with family members. They may have more patience with you but they still expect you to just forget about the ex and move on with your life.

 

They don't realize that I am trying to move on and it's a constant struggle. I don't know if I'm healing or not. I'm doing all the right things so far in terms of trying to heal and just doing the best that I can.

 

All that advice out there on the internet about how you should be out socializing/partying and not just stew away at home alone is unrealistic. If someone is socially popular enough to always have a group of people around him/her, then that person probably wouldn't be as heavily impacted by a breakup in the first place because someone like that probably can easily find someone else or at least have more options.

 

The worst pain is the fear you won't find love again and that the ex was the one and only shot and that you'll never find that same connection again with anyone else

 

The only way of dealing with this in my situation is being alone and just grieving. Yes I'm still grieving. No idea when it's going to stop. I'm trying to do things to heal. I don't contact the ex in any shape or form. I exercise whenever I can muster up the motivation to do so. I play my guitar and piano. I watch movies/tv shows that inspire me in some way. I drink alchohol to reduce the anxiety. And I try to think positively and find hope.

 

That's all I can do.

 

I feel nearly all of what you are saying, I don't want to be out socialising I just want to be home in my safe place, the curtains drawn and music or spending time on this forum. I have gone for walks and grocery shopping etc but I'm not ready to be out there yet, infact I'm scared. Like you I am grieving, friends and family were great at the start but now I hear very little and when I do I'm told to straighten up now, move forward, he's a monster your lucky he's gone. And yes I agree but I have never felt such emotions as I've experienced these last 3 weeks, my world has broken around me, I not only have to deal with this shocking pain and confusement but he left me in a terrible situation of not paying his half of rent or bills, so I have to be strong to fix all of that, when I don't even know where to start.

 

Its like this man walked away easily, and clicked block and boom I'm erased from his life, his head and his heart. No regret, no remorse. No I'm so sorry I did this text. Nothing. And damn do I deserve one after the mess he has left. I'll never understand.

[Scottyboyy]

Well. It's been 4.5 months now. I had been feeling better. Been on many dates, and met several nice women but haven't had any sort of physical connection like I had. This morning a friend of mine got engaged and I happened to have my moms phone from her showing me and there was my ex as a mutual friend, with a new picture. I have been NC and off social media for months now. What did I do? Clicked on her picture of course, since I couldn't help myself. She looks amazing. I feel like I've gotten worse looking and she just gets hotter. The confidence of the guy I once was has been drained from me. Yet in reality people constantly tell me I'm handsome, funny, intelligent, emotional, spiritual, down to earth with a great career and an amazing education. But I don't believe it myself. I think that delaying gratification builds self esteem so

I have vowed to focus more on myself these next couple summer months and get down to root of fear, ego, and selfishness in myself. So that the next person in my life I can have a new bond with them, ever greater than before since I got healthier. The thing is that I have distracted myself from her existing when she actually is alive. And so when I saw how good she looked it killed me... Now I possibly could ruin Father's Day on my dads day by sulking like a moron....

[Trinity_84]

I've been doing better and better every day.

 

Doing yoga twice a week, CBT once a week, making new friends (through my yoga class), doing some traveling and seeing family, reading The Power of Now and catching up with my favorite hobbies (that I had kind of abandoned while in the relationship).

 

I have to say, life has been pretty good these past few months, because I decided it would be good. I didn't sit around moping, hoping for a reconciliation. As soon as it ended, I walked out and moved on, always with the initention of getting better, learning and growing so the mistakes I had made in this relationship wouldn't happen again.

 

I think about my last "big" break up in 2008 where I wanted to kill myself everyday, couldn't imagine living anymore... and I think of now, where I'm actually looking forward to having my life and enjoying every minute of it as much as I can. IT FEELS AMAZING.

 

I feel so much stronger and I am so happy about it. I am learning to appreciate what I have. I hear other people complaining about everything and I feel sad for them, but then I remember only until recently I was like them. I feel like breaking up was a door opening for me to truly discover how to enjoy living.

 

I have to thank my ex for inspiring me as well (before we broke up) to have a different lifestyle and to enjoy the present. I took the positives from their personality and I am mixing it with my positives so I can create an even better version of myself.

 

Every time I catch my thoughts drifting to the past, I stop and observe, then they kind of automatically revert to the present. I think that's a big key.

[offwithhishead]

I feel nearly all of what you are saying, I don't want to be out socialising I just want to be home in my safe place, the curtains drawn and music or spending time on this forum. I have gone for walks and grocery shopping etc but I'm not ready to be out there yet, infact I'm scared. Like you I am grieving, friends and family were great at the start but now I hear very little and when I do I'm told to straighten up now, move forward, he's a monster your lucky he's gone. And yes I agree but I have never felt such emotions as I've experienced these last 3 weeks, my world has broken around me, I not only have to deal with this shocking pain and confusement but he left me in a terrible situation of not paying his half of rent or bills, so I have to be strong to fix all of that, when I don't even know where to start.

 

Its like this man walked away easily, and clicked block and boom I'm erased from his life, his head and his heart. No regret, no remorse. No I'm so sorry I did this text. Nothing. And damn do I deserve one after the mess he has left. I'll never understand.

 

Yah it's like my world just fell apart around me too. I'm afraid to even be out amongst the public.

 

What hurts is that you know they just moved on and they're living their day to day life while you're stuck in misery like this.

 

At the end of the day, we have to face the harsh truth, maybe not now, but at some point, we just need to realize that this person for whatever reason, does not want to be in a relationship with us anymore. Why would we want to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with us?

 

I still don't see it yet either. I'm only filled with regret and questions that I don't have the answers to or may never have the answers to.

 

Friends, family and resources online have told me one thing though and that is, the relationships that do workout in the long run, they start off well and they don't break up in the middle. The good relationships are ones that just flow and although there are bumps in the road, it just keeps flowing.

 

So I think to myself, there must have been a very valid reason for my breakup and maybe we're just not meant to be.

[Scottyboyy]

Well. It's been 4.5 months now. I had been feeling better. Been on many dates, and met several nice women but haven't had any sort of physical connection like I had. This morning a friend of mine got engaged and I happened to have my moms phone from her showing me and there was my ex as a mutual friend, with a new picture. I have been NC and off social media for months now. What did I do? Clicked on her picture of course, since I couldn't help myself. She looks amazing. I feel like I've gotten worse looking and she just gets hotter. The confidence of the guy I once was has been drained from me. Yet in reality people constantly tell me I'm handsome, funny, intelligent, emotional, spiritual, down to earth with a great career and an amazing education. But I don't believe it myself. I think that delaying gratification builds self esteem so

I have vowed to focus more on myself these next couple summer months and get down to root of fear, ego, and selfishness in myself. So that the next person in my life I can have a new bond with them, ever greater than before since I got healthier. The thing is that I have distracted myself from her existing when she actually is alive. And so when I saw how good she looked it killed me... Now I possibly could ruin Father's Day on my dads day by sulking like a moron....

 

 

Feeling is lingering into today. I am lost at work. I cannot even focus. I feel like I have spiraled back into the first month after the BU. I am literally questioning things from 2 years ago. LOL. My ego is crushed. I am in so much fear of rejection right now. I am unwilling to move to courage from a bridge of faith. I dont know what do... The only way to change is to have pain. Haven't i had enough god damn pain already?

 

I am literally sitting here obsessing about her and playing Columbus trying to hunt out more clues, or sitting here like a CSI with a pile of evidence but deciding not to process it and draw a conclusion... It gives me a chance to NOT look at myself to closely bc who wants to do that? How can i have a PHD in her, but have less knowledge about myself? I am paralyzed by fear right now, and thus reliving old memories and walking through events in order to have this comfortable feeling of being in the sh*t. Instead of being a man and moving forward... In the end though whatever she does or feels towards me is irrelevant, i am powerless over it. What i can control however is how i feel about MYSELF. I should be living my life authentically to make ME happy....

 

I just wish i had some extra people to talk to, although i have such a strong network for other various life reasons, its always nice to talk to new people, since well these friends and family are sick of hearing about it..

[keiji]

And the day came when I learnt she's with someone else. The fact that I expected it doesn't diminish the knot I'm feeling in my stomach right now. I know who the guy is, so it's simple maths to guess that she left for someone else. She lied, and it hurts.

[Sunnymae]

I'm feeling fine, then I miss him, and then I feel strong, and then angry. I'm in spurts. Here are some little mental tricks: I've started putting stones in a glass container for everyday that goes by. It symbolizes a milestone.

I read that watching reality shows helps soldiers with PTSD so maybe it can help me. So I've been watching a reality show where the girl liked the guy but the guy like another girl, but she still wanted the guy, and the guy humiliated her by proclaiming his love for the other girl, then everyone else in the reality show was like why are you tortuoring yourself. And this episode struck a cord. l felt like this girl. Like this girl I didn't want to accept or give up on my ex. and I lost my self respect chasing after him, which only made me feel awful afterwards.

[teenyfish]

Bad day today. Had to stay home and I admit I didn't keep myself busy. Found out about his new relationship with his "just friend" and he's blasting it all over social media. I expected this to happen, but it's still a pretty big set back. I feel like I'm two weeks out of the break up again. But it's the last set back! He's a huge jerk and I can't wait until I truly do not care about his life.

[keiji]

Bad day today. Had to stay home and I admit I didn't keep myself busy. Found out about his new relationship with his "just friend" and he's blasting it all over social media. I expected this to happen, but it's still a pretty big set back. I feel like I'm two weeks out of the break up again. But it's the last set back! He's a huge jerk and I can't wait until I truly do not care about his life.

 

Exactly what happened to me yesterday. Somebody told me she's in a relationship. It felt like a stab right in the chest. It's been already eight months since the breakup, so there's nothing weird about it, although I'm not one to jump from one relationship to another and I'm pretty sure that's how things really went down for her. She said she never liked anyone, and I believed her. I guess it was her way to make me feel special. I also believed her when she told me she was sleeping with this guy occasionally to try to forget me and that it wouldn't last long because they didn't have much in common. There you go. It seems I'm quite gullible after all, or perhaps I just wanted to believe her and soften the blow, and I feel emotionally swindled once more. I always suspected she wasn't brave enough to leave me without having someone else in the pipeline, and apparently I was right. Was/is he a rebound? I'll never know, but I wouldn't like to be him, that's for sure.

 

I feel incredibly disappointed and betrayed too. But it also feels like the definite closure for me. Not that I was expecting anything, but now it's pointless to mull about this over and over again. Everything's crystal clear. When my grandma died and she didn't even ask how I was doing, I couldn't understand how she could be so careless, particularly considering that it was her who wanted us to stay friends and that she knew what a strong bond I had with Granny. When my cousin had a massive stroke and my ex-g never asked if she was alive or dead, it only made it worse. Now I finally understand why she didn't care: she had someone else to fill the emptiness and loneliness that I know for a fact she's always felt.

 

All in all, my gut feeling was spot-on on every single thing. In the last months of our relationship I pushed her away for a reason, for quite a few reasons to be more precise. I was right all along. She is not special. She is immature. She is selfish. She needs someone to be a substitute for a father that was always there but never acted as such. She needed a protector in a foreign country where she hasn't even bothered to learn the language in five years. She needed an alternative to a group of "friends" who didn't love her, quite the opposite. Once she saw I wasn't willing to be any of those things, her plans were shattered, so she grabbed the first arm that there was nearby. As simple as that.

 

Now the problem is, will I ever trust anyone again? Deep down I know I will, but it will take a long, long time. Right now, my line of thinking is: why invest in someone when they will probably disappoint you? Perhaps I'm better off with my family, my friends and my cat? I know it's not a good way to live life, but right now it's how I feel.

 

I'm not a vindictive person. I would love to sit in front of her and tell her all I think, but I won't waste a second of my life with her again. I'm angry, yes. And I think she's a piece of s***, and I wish I had left that party five minutes earlier and never met her. But I know I'll learn important lessons from this. And I hope karma does its thing and gives her a taste of her own medicine. It doesn't sound elegant or kind or mature, but I want her to suffer at least as much as I did. And I'm kicking myself because I know it will happen sooner or later and I won't be there to see it.

[Scottyboyy]

Exactly what happened to me yesterday. Somebody told me she's in a relationship. It felt like a stab right in the chest. It's been already eight months since the breakup, so there's nothing weird about it, although I'm not one to jump from one relationship to another and I'm pretty sure that's how things really went down for her. She said she never liked anyone, and I believed her. I guess it was her way to make me feel special. I also believed her when she told me she was sleeping with this guy occasionally to try to forget me and that it wouldn't last long because they didn't have much in common. There you go. It seems I'm quite gullible after all, or perhaps I just wanted to believe her and soften the blow, and I feel emotionally swindled once more. I always suspected she wasn't brave enough to leave me without having someone else in the pipeline, and apparently I was right. Was/is he a rebound? I'll never know, but I wouldn't like to be him, that's for sure.

 

I feel incredibly disappointed and betrayed too. But it also feels like the definite closure for me. Not that I was expecting anything, but now it's pointless to mull about this over and over again. Everything's crystal clear. When my grandma died and she didn't even ask how I was doing, I couldn't understand how she could be so careless, particularly considering that it was her who wanted us to stay friends and that she knew what a strong bond I had with Granny. When my cousin had a massive stroke and my ex-g never asked if she was alive or dead, it only made it worse. Now I finally understand why she didn't care: she had someone else to fill the emptiness and loneliness that I know for a fact she's always felt.

 

All in all, my gut feeling was spot-on on every single thing. In the last months of our relationship I pushed her away for a reason, for quite a few reasons to be more precise. I was right all along. She is not special. She is immature. She is selfish. She needs someone to be a substitute for a father that was always there but never acted as such. She needed a protector in a foreign country where she hasn't even bothered to learn the language in five years. She needed an alternative to a group of "friends" who didn't love her, quite the opposite. Once she saw I wasn't willing to be any of those things, her plans were shattered, so she grabbed the first arm that there was nearby. As simple as that.

 

Now the problem is, will I ever trust anyone again? Deep down I know I will, but it will take a long, long time. Right now, my line of thinking is: why invest in someone when they will probably disappoint you? Perhaps I'm better off with my family, my friends and my cat? I know it's not a good way to live life, but right now it's how I feel.

 

I'm not a vindictive person. I would love to sit in front of her and tell her all I think, but I won't waste a second of my life with her again. I'm angry, yes. And I think she's a piece of s***, and I wish I had left that party five minutes earlier and never met her. But I know I'll learn important lessons from this. And I hope karma does its thing and gives her a taste of her own medicine. It doesn't sound elegant or kind or mature, but I want her to suffer at least as much as I did. And I'm kicking myself because I know it will happen sooner or later and I won't be there to see it.

 

 

Hey Bud. I have been reading your posts on this thread for awhile now. I want you to know that you are a good guy, despite what you may or may not think of yourself.

 

Sure I understand and feel the same anger and resentment as you. I also wish for Karma to take its course. But when you actually dissect anger, you can work your way to the root. The root of anger is selfishness, right? We want what we want WHEN we want it. That is the human condition. The problem is that the world and the people in it will never ever act or be the way we "want" them to be. So we get angry. The only way around this is to love yourself. Be true to yourself. Live life authentically for yourself and you can learn three words... " i dont care" I believe that you are a great guy, with a bright future ahead you. Acceptance for you seems to be right around the corner, and when you turn onto that block i know you will run and never look back...

 

-Scott

[keiji]

Hey Bud. I have been reading your posts on this thread for awhile now. I want you to know that you are a good guy, despite what you may or may not think of yourself.

 

Sure I understand and feel the same anger and resentment as you. I also wish for Karma to take its course. But when you actually dissect anger, you can work your way to the root. The root of anger is selfishness, right? We want what we want WHEN we want it. That is the human condition. The problem is that the world and the people in it will never ever act or be the way we "want" them to be. So we get angry. The only way around this is to love yourself. Be true to yourself. Live life authentically for yourself and you can learn three words... " i dont care" I believe that you are a great guy, with a bright future ahead you. Acceptance for you seems to be right around the corner, and when you turn onto that block i know you will run and never look back...

 

-Scott

 

Thanks a lot for your kind words, Scott. They're really encouraging in a moment like this. I haven't even told my friends or anyone else. For months, they've been hearing me express my sense of guilt for how I treated her sometimes and for how devastated she seemed when we last saw each other. She made sure she blamed me for everything and I believed her (fake?) tears. I feel like an idiot. Perhaps I'm going too far and what she said was true back then, who knows. It's hard to stop the brain's machinery right now and not turn her into a demon.

 

I could probably have saved 60 euros from my therapy session yesterday. She said exactly the same as you: "You're mad at her because she was not what you thought or wanted her to be". And it's true. She was also resentful with me for not being who she wanted me to be. I guess we're even in that area now and it's obvious that we were not made for each other. It would have never worked. My therapist also mentioned that I was missing an ideal, not the actual person. I'm missing the image of her that I had projected. But, whatever it is, it's still painful.

 

I know this will help me move on completely, I have no doubt about it. It happened when I finally knew the truth behind the breakup with my ex-wife and it will happen now too. I guess I needed a hard punch in the face to leave things behind for good. And hey, that was an amazing right hook that's left me stunned, but I haven't hit the canvas. I know it will be a few days of revisiting the last weeks of our relationship and the months post-breakup, of stupid conjectures I will never be able to confirm, and I'm sure I'll wake up one morning, sooner than later, and think: I'm finally ok.

 

One good thing about all this is it feels like the final blow. I know myself, and nothing she does from now on will hurt more than this and all the things she did after the breakup. I've reached my limit of suffering. If she gets married tomorrow, if she gets pregnant on Friday, I don't care. Our relationship as human beings was dead a long time ago, but today's the funeral. Also, I'll finally stop wondering what she's doing on a Saturday at 4am. Is she meeting her new love? Is she sleeping with a new guy for the first time? All those questions that sometimes popped up out of the blue and ate me up inside will no longer appear. I know exactly where she is now.

 

One last thing for those who keep checking their ex's social media pages: I caved in yesterday after five months and guess what: there's no trace of that guy on her FB. Not a single picture, absolutely nothing. Her profile pictures with me, even a couple where we're kissing, are still there. Hadn't I known from a third party that she was in a relationship with that guy "she slept with to forget me", I would have sworn she was still single. Social media are bull****, as I've repeated so many times here. They'll only give you false hope or unnecessary pain, but they'll never help you know how they feel. The only way to know is talking to them face to face and, from my experience, they'll probably lie.

 

Thanks for reading. I really, really needed to vent, since I'm not planning to tell anyone about this. As I said before, I feel like an idiot.

 

I hope you're all doing OK!

[bummer]

Was out traveling, away from it all and just landed two days ago. I'll admit, I'm on LS pretty constantly to deflect thoughts of her. she returned the last items a few days ago before I came back. Not a peep. Three days ago, I smiled and thought I was in the clear, but being in familiar territory is FILLED with triggers. I''ll be fine.

[Trinity_84]

Something that really helped me cope when I was a few weeks into NC/BU was something I read somewhere...maybe here, don't remember.

 

I sat down and imagined my ex sitting on the bed next to me. Then I spoke as if they were really there. I poured my heart out and said everything I felt at that moment. There was no reaction, no talk-back, no emotion (or lack thereof, which we all know hurts more) from them. It was just me pouring my heart out to them (without them actually there). I ended up crying but it felt like an amazing release.

 

I tell ya, it really helped me. Not only to get the stuff off my chest, but also it made me realize I didn't really need to talk to my ex. Their response wasn't even necessary! It was a way for me to get closure on my own.

 

If you're struggling with some stuff you want to say to your ex, try this, it might help

[sorano]

I'm still doing great. It's moving along fine. Takes time but not 100% healed. Today I was thinking about all the negative things she told me. Never in our relationship did I bash her or say anything mean. I played back the words and scene. And wow. What a bitch. I got so angry again. I can't believe people treat others like crap. Lies,false hope and just belittle them. How could I have been so blind?

 

I so wish I was in front of her and show her how messed up she was. But thinking of this also made me realize I dodged a bullet. Boy did I dodge it. To the next poor soul in line? God bless you. You are going to be on a wild roller coaster. Make sure you have thick thick thick skin, have a I don't care attitude and a huge set of you know what. Or, just be a beta male and take the abuse.

[The_Dork_Lard]

I'm now 11 months post breakup, and 4 months no contact. Months 9 & 10 were the hardest, presumably because these were the no contact months. For me these were my deeply sorrowful grieving months.

 

The last month has been weird. It's followed this pattern: 4 or 5 days weepy and sorrowful, followed by a week or so of being ok, wondering how I could possibly feel sad over her. Each 'ok' period was slightly better then its prior one.

 

For the last week I've felt very good, and am definitely heading towards indifference and total acceptance. Yet today I still had a slight momentary urge to contact her. These urges still creep up on me. But for the most part she's history. I've even been envisioning dating and loving again someday, so something must be healing in me! I'm not ready quite yet, but I'm definitely getting there.

 

Another month and it's been a year since I last saw or spoke to her. I can't believe that! Time is definitely your friend in this game.

[SixxChick]

To the next poor soul in line? God bless you.

 

The truth.