How are you coping today?

June 12, 2016

Hang in there guys. Next week I have a wedding. My cousin is getting married at this crazy expensive castle.

When I got the save the date memo, my ex was all happy. She set a day for her hair, she needed a dress and was ready to meet the other half of the family.

This would have been our first wedding together. One wedding she went to she said nobody was bringing there bf or husbands. Just a girls thing. Her table only. She said to me it's ok we will have 1000 more to go to together. Uh hu.

So I will be attending the wedding alone. Everything she told me was a lie. Just good old bull ****. She doesn't deserve my kindness or to be taken to nice places and meet my family. She doesn't even deserve a happy meal at mcdonalds. Pig.

June 13, 2016

I don't understand this sudden sadness. I was doing so well and out of the blue, I start missing her again, that knot in my stomach reappears and I keep wondering what she's up to, which I rarely or never do. I don't feel tempted to contact her or anything, I'm not back to square one, but it's infuriating to feel like this again, particularly considering that it's been triggered by NOTHING AT ALL. My biggest fear lately has been bumping into her, but I've managed to convince myself that I'd deal with it fine. Well, it seems I wouldn't, and I've got this hunch that it will happen soon (perhaps because I saw two of her friends in less than three weeks).

I haven't seen her for five months, we parted ways eight months ago and these periodical potholes in the road make me angry and sad. Towards the end I knew she wasn't made for me and the distance between us kept getting bigger and bigger. I know I'll come back to my senses and work on myself and my life as I've been doing for the last months to great effect, but why this now?

Nobody said it would be easy.

June 13, 2016

My goal to is to wake up one morning and for my ex not be the first thing I think of.

June 13, 2016

My goal to is to wake up one morning and for my ex not be the first thing I think of.

Already true for me. But I don't like that she's the second thing I think of, and I don't like the sinking, nightmarish feeling I get in my stomach when I think of what happened between us and what she's doing now.

June 13, 2016

What really set fire under my ass was when my friend said stop giving her your time. You suffered enough. Stop giving her your time and drop it. She is out and about having fun doing this living life. It's not easy but enough he said.

For some reason it really did help and we must stop grieving over the people who hurt us. We should be the ones that should be doing well because we deserve it. They hurt us. We must go and show them how powerful we are and that we can make it. Keep reminding yourself not to give that person your tears and time. It will help

June 13, 2016

For some reason it really did help and we must stop grieving over the people who hurt us. We should be the ones that should be doing well because we deserve it. They hurt us. We must go and show them how powerful we are and that we can make it. Keep reminding yourself not to give that person your tears and time. It will help

This is how I am coping. Not just today, but for the rest of the week, weekend, and into next week:

Monday: Boot Camp in the park

Tuesday: Motley Crue: The End (one night showing of the movie)

Wednesday: Line Dance Lesson*

Thursday: Boot Camp in the park

Friday: Hair, mani and pedi

Saturday: Golf

Sunday: Dinner with my best friend (to toast all of the fathers out there)

Monday: Boot Camp

I'M NOT SITTING AROUND ANYMORE AND MOPING ABOUT THIS LOSER AND WHAT HE DID TO ME. Let's get it started!!!

* I'm not that much of a country music fan, but my ex wanted to learn line dance lessons with me. I don't need him for that. I'm going for it on my own. Peace out to the losers.

June 13, 2016

I felt down in the dumps too for a long time, but you know what? It isn't forever. What helped me out is GOING OUT AGAIN! I bought some pheromones at http://pheromones.online and have been meeting women like crazy. Good riddance to the old one. There's an old saying -New brooms sweep good guys!

This is how I am coping. Not just today, but for the rest of the week, weekend, and into next week:

Monday: Boot Camp in the park
Tuesday: Motley Crue: The End (one night showing of the movie)
Wednesday: Line Dance Lesson*
Thursday: Boot Camp in the park
Friday: Hair, mani and pedi
Saturday: Golf
Sunday: Dinner with my best friend (to toast all of the fathers out there)
Monday: Boot Camp

I'M NOT SITTING AROUND ANYMORE AND MOPING ABOUT THIS LOSER AND WHAT HE DID TO ME. Let's get it started!!!

* I'm not that much of a country music fan, but my ex wanted to learn line dance lessons with me. I don't need him for that. I'm going for it on my own. Peace out to the losers.

June 13, 2016

Hey Guys,

I felt down in the dumps too for a long time, but you know what? It isn't forever. What helped me out is GOING OUT AGAIN! I bought some pheromones at http://pheromones.online and have been meeting women like crazy. Good riddance to the old one. There's an old saying -New brooms sweep good!

June 14, 2016

I had to post on here. I dont even know where to start. I think that I loved my ex. We never said "i love you" to one another as we were only together for less than a year. But it has been many years now, three to be exact, since we have been broken up. And what I can I say is, as much as the memories haved faded, the memory of him has faded, the love, this feeling, has never faded. Even after three years apart. And its pathetic, i know. If you look the word "pathetic" up, it would describe me, this situation: vulernable and sad, pitiful. Last night I was really praying. And I havent prayed in a long time. And I just came to the realization that I did and possibly do love my ex still. I even thought, maybe I had just been obsessed with this person because this person rejected me. I mean that makes sense. To be obsessed with someone that didnt want you. But then, I thought to myself, its not an obsession, its a feeling. Because if I were to see my ex, I would be overwhelmed with emotion, and love still. And I dont think anything could tamper or take this feeling away. And I have realized that through dating other people. By dating other people and trying to move on, I seem to set my standards too high. And i came to this conclusion, because it has been three years since I have been in a relationship....and I am still single.

I dont think that I am ugly. In fact, I like to think of myself as attractive, beautiful even. Sweet, charming when I allow myself to be. But when I am on those dating sites, every person's profile I see is either "too much of this" or "too much of that" or "not enough of this" or "not enough in that area." For example, the first guy I dated after my ex. (was a short fling). He was a great, i mean GREAT guy. He was/is everything I need in a man. Mature, emotionally mature, intelligent, strong, kind, charming, everything I needed. And even with him, I found things "wrong" with him. He didnt have a stable job. And that was enough for me to completely lose interest in him. Which makes me round about to the thought of my ex.

My ex. If my ex was poor, dirt poor, with no money, the saddest most pathetic part is I would still love him. If my ex was disabled in any way (God forbid) I would still love him. And im writing that in tears. Because its so pathetic and sad, but i mean it from the bottom of my heart. And I want to feel this way for other people.

I just cant. I dont know why I cant look past those things in other people. I just know it has only made me realize that what I felt for my ex was very true and pure, love even.

If it couldnt work out with the last guy I dated, then God I dont know who it would or will work out with. Because the last guy was everything I needed in a man. He was perfect for me. In a way, i am glad he moved on to someone new. Because suddenly all of these emotions and feelings have come up for my ex. And who knows if they would have come up during a realtionship with the new guy. I may have ended up just breaking up with him and breaking his heart in the end. I dont know.

It has been three years. How can after three years, you still love someone as much as I do? (If this is even what you call love.) God knows I mean it, when I say I would love him unconditionally. I know that I cannot reach out to him any longer. This is truly it for me. He can never know how I truly feel. Because if I were to tell him, it would just let him know that I have not moved on, and that I will always be there as a back up.

I will try my best to move on. To open up to people and love again. It is just so hard. I dont want to try to move on, on the expense of another person's heart. It felt really good to pray last night to God. I hadnt gotten that in touch with my soul in a long time. It opened my eyes to a lot of things <3

June 14, 2016

Such a mixture of feelings today but anger for the first time in 2 weeks since he walked out on us (abandoned more like) was dreaming of going to the place he hangs out in, and slapping him one and saying "now were over" . sounds crazy to some. But you see he blocked me from everything immediately after he walked out. So i haven't got to say one damn thing. Imagine talking about our wedding plans and 2 days later he's gone. Makes me feel sick. Its my first day since he left actually sitting in our living room I couldn't before today and I cried like hell I could see him sitting on his chair. Heartbreak sucks

June 14, 2016

I'm coping by seeing it how it Is, "by staying in the Reality, NOT in the "what if' "what was', but in the "what it IS" It also helps when your friends remind you of his shortcomings.

June 14, 2016

I'm coping pretty ****ty today to be honest. I'm in month four of seperation from an almost 11 year relationship (4 of them married). I miss my husband.

June 14, 2016

I'm coping pretty ****ty today to be honest. I'm in month four of seperation from an almost 11 year relationship (4 of them married). I miss my husband.

I read your story it is very sad, bits of it seemed a bit similar to my story. although i was only a month short of 3 years together with my fiance, he was my world and me his 3 very intense years of bliss up until a few weeks ago when he just changed. But some of the changes you have described about your ex have struck a cord with me. People say they think my ex had a midlife crisis or breakdown. I don't know and maybe I am just looking for some sort of answer. I am truly so confused, my heads spinning. I hope you are OK?

June 14, 2016

Today i realised and accepted that she wanted out of the relationship for a while but couldn't because i don't think she can handle being alone.

She just stayed even if she was not feeling much love for me.

Waiting till someone else got in the picture made it an easy decision for her - Face it, who does not like to be wanted.

I'm also pretty certain she will stay with this guy even if down the line she is not that happy.

Because i think (i'm not sure) she just can't handle the loneliness.

And she'll just do the same thing over. (Waiting till someone else comes in the picture)

Having realised this got me another step forward.

June 14, 2016

2 months since we broke up and I still can't stop thinking about her. In my dreams. When I wake up. All day. Til I go to sleep...

We were together for over 3 years although saying we were a 'couple' would be stretching it. I've had bad depression for as long as I can remember and no matter what she tried I just seemed to keep pushing her affection and efforts at making a future for us away as much as I could. Sometimes I would go into such a fog of depression that I wouldn't see her for weeks even though we we would stay in contact every day by text. And when I would emerge after a bad episode she would always be there smiling. An angel. She would always get frustrated at how distant I could be generally but through it all she was my best friend.

Things came to a head a few months back when (in my eyes) her texts to me seemed to be a bit more distant and general in nature and when I suggested as much to her we ended up having a blazing row by text and I got angry with her in my exchanges. Not abusive, but ultra sarcastic. She said it was like conversing with a different person and when the dust settled the next morning the damage was done. She said that she had put up with so much in our relationship and I had finally broken her heart and I wouldn't get the chance to do it again. From that day onwards she said she was going to focus on herself, her kids, her training (she's a keen athlete) and her job and that there was no longer any room for me. She said that she was putting an emotional wall up to keep me out and get on with her life.

For the next few weeks when I tried to contact her she said she wasn't strong enough to speak to me but after another few weeks I convinced her to come out for a few walks with me to catch up with no heavy agenda. I thought that in time she would soften her stance but it was plain to see she wasn't for turning. I don't blame her. I had put her through enough. Post break up I made a few clumsy attempts to rectify things but I just ended up making things worse. She was training a lot with a certain guy from her athletics club for an up and coming competitition she has signed up for and they seemed particularly pally on facebook always being first to like each others posts so being the prick that I am, I went as far as suggesting there was more going on between them than just training. It was just ****ed up frustration on my part and I just wanted somebody to blame but myself. Stupid stupid man that I was. So basically it was the straw that broke the camel's back and she suggested that as things had got so strained between us that going forward maybe we should just leave each other be to get on with our lives. She was right.

We bumped into each other the other week in a bar I frequent. She was with her friends and looked stunning. She seemed happy enough to talk to me generally but when it came to chatting about our recent past she made it clear that it was just that. Her past. I again apologised to her about how I had behaved in all our time together. I said to her that if she could just comprehend what depression can do to someone, but she just grimaced and shook her head saying she didn't. That hit me hard, but before I even had time to analyse that her friend came out and called her back into the bar and she got up, said goodbye walked away and never looked back.

I am in bits.

In hindsight is easy to blame it all on my depression but I think deep down I think I wasn't good enough for her and the two things went hand in hand. But if there is anything good to come of this, it is that I have vowed to beat my illness and promise to become a better person going forward. A complete change of mindset. I have come of my meds as I believe that it was partly to blame for me being in that 'fog' and out of touch with what should have been my focus and important to me. I am now 3 weeks into a fitness regime (running and cycling) to stop me moping in the house/bar in the evenings and weekends. A mate in work has now talked me into signing up for a 5k run in September and that is something to focus on and work towards. I am actually looking forward to something for god knows how long!

Hopefully, if things go according to plan, some day she will see me and recognise that I will have turned my life around and will no longer be the screw up that dragged her down and pushed away the best thing thing that ever happened to me...

June 14, 2016

I read your story it is very sad, bits of it seemed a bit similar to my story. although i was only a month short of 3 years together with my fiance, he was my world and me his 3 very intense years of bliss up until a few weeks ago when he just changed. But some of the changes you have described about your ex have struck a cord with me. People say they think my ex had a midlife crisis or breakdown. I don't know and maybe I am just looking for some sort of answer. I am truly so confused, my heads spinning. I hope you are OK?

I'm doing as fine as I can be. Thanks for asking.

June 15, 2016

What I thought was a minor setback is lasting longer than I expected. This is so random. I can't find an explanation. I was doing so, so well. Perhaps it's the time of the year, the memories of the first summer we spent together, when I felt I was regaining my happiness after three years of continued suffering. I don't know. It's like I'm putting her back on her pedestal again for no apparent reason. This process is full of contradictions: I don't want to see her, but I'd like to see her. I don't want to hear from her, but I want to hear from her. Perhaps my only certainty is that I wouldn't have her back if I had the chance. Deep down I know what she did, and I can't forgive certain things. I also know that we were emotionally too different for it to work.

I need to stop looking back.

June 15, 2016

What I thought was a minor setback is lasting longer than I expected. This is so random. I can't find an explanation. I was doing so, so well. Perhaps it's the time of the year, the memories of the first summer we spent together, when I felt I was regaining my happiness after three years of continued suffering. I don't know. It's like I'm putting her back on her pedestal again for no apparent reason. This process is full of contradictions: I don't want to see her, but I'd like to see her. I don't want to hear from her, but I want to hear from her. Perhaps my only certainty is that I wouldn't have her back if I had the chance. Deep down I know what she did, and I can't forgive certain things. I also know that we were emotionally too different for it to work.

I need to stop looking back.

I'm right there with you, keiji. It sucks how when you're positive the sadness is finally over, it comes back out of nowhere. It makes it hard to trust that you're moving on, because even when you feel your best, it seems like these feelings can just come grab you without warning.

But, you're one of the wisest, most self aware people I've met on here, so if anyone can pull through this, you can. I have total faith that you'll be better sooner rather than later.

June 15, 2016

I'm right there with you, keiji. It sucks how when you're positive the sadness is finally over, it comes back out of nowhere. It makes it hard to trust that you're moving on, because even when you feel your best, it seems like these feelings can just come grab you without warning.

But, you're one of the wisest, most self aware people I've met on here, so if anyone can pull through this, you can. I have total faith that you'll be better sooner rather than later.

Thanks a lot for your kind words Raina. They're really encouraging. A friend of mine always starts message conversations with a "Hey, warrior". I hope he's right, and I'm going to fight this sadness for sure!

June 15, 2016

Thank you Pennyrose. My heart goes out to you and everyone else on here. It's so hard. It's like someone dies, just a dark cloud hovering over my head. And so many questions, left unanswered, that you're probably better off not knowing. I can only imagine that he feels so guilty for what he did, that he refuses to speak to me. I tried calling after I heard he had a biking accident and he had blocked me, that was so hurtful. My son did the same to his girlfriend of two years, when he dumped her and she would ask me to get him to talk to her. So I concluded it was the guilt he couldn't deal with it. Penny rose set small goals for yourself, every week of NC or LC. Is one step closer, to moving on. Feel free to reach out, I'll be here for you. Take care.

June 15, 2016

I am still not feeling good. I still love him VERY MUCH...when I dance zumba or go to play volleyball and play soccer with our son, I cannot think of him. But when I am at our son's school and waiting for the time of going home, all I think is him. So hard to resist not to remember him especially when everytime I see a couple taking their kids to school too , I feel so envy.

But I know this is unhealthy. I hope this will be gone soon...

June 15, 2016

Here's a passage from another post that might help with coping:

The first week has been awful, I felt so confused, and hurt. I felt I needed help so I bought a book " He's just Not Into You" which helped me out, along with Writing about my feeling everyday. I even dreamed about him. I thought about that day a lot and I felt so angry!! Like I I thought about maybe forgetting what he did to me, It's like the anger is helping me get through this. I always thought anger was bad. But in this case it keeps me strong. So A Week and 4 days have gone by and I'm adhering to the NC rule.

June 15, 2016

I'm doign a lot better today.

June 16, 2016

It's been about a month since the breakup and I still don't feel like going out and meeting new people and being social or even any interest in re-entering the dating world. I get a sick feeling to my stomach at just the thought of it.

So yesterday, it was a super nice summer day and I felt guilty for just staying in and decided to join this group volleyball event where you can go and play beach volleyball with a bunch of strangers.

Envision a beautiful summer day on the beach with nice water. And although I had moments of a good time, I felt empty and this deep sadness. While everyone else was enjoying the nice weather and having fun, I just felt this deep sadness weighing down on me.

This isn't like me at all. I feel like the breakup has totally distorted my personality. I can't enjoy the reality around me. I don't enjoy being around people. I've become a total recluse.

June 16, 2016

I feel like I'm just waiting for all these feelings of what was, all the memories of these past 3 years to subside. For my impulse to text him to go away. To erase him out of my head. I feel like I'm in prison, but I'm not sure when I'll be released. I don't know when I will be free of these memories. I know it will happen, I'm just not sure when, I only hope it happens sooner rather than later. As always, my heart goes out to everyone that's going through this.

It feels awful to be dumped. I like to reading some of the post from the person who does the dumping to try to gain perspective.

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